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Marius

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  1. It's ok not to do anything that might be problematic for you. Rehab is often accompanied by feelings of emptiness and a loss of motivation. You will go through that stage and find your motivation again. Plan your day if you think it helps you.
  2. One week in using blockers to block almost all websites that I used to feel better but overall became addicted to. Internet is still a huge temptation and I believe that I can only heal when I plan more time without devices. Currently a little depressed because there are certain conflicts that resurface and I'm thinking a lot about my past life and what went wrong. I might have identified certain interaction that have led me to the mental problems I'm facing now. Will go into stationary rehab in the next time. Wish me luck
  3. If these symptoms persist over 14 days, it might be depression: - depressed mood - loss of interest - feelings of guilt - sleep problems - concentration diminished - appetite decreased - suicide thoughts - psychomotor agitation/retardation aka aimless movement around or little movement not all symptoms have to be present but if a substantial amount is true, make a call with your local psychiatrist or in case of acute suicide thoughts your nearby clinic immediately
  4. You can also try fascia rolls and stretch for longer periods (30s+). Sounds really well how life is progressing for you. Keep up the good work!
  5. Why, what do you feel?
  6. Hello everyone, I'm finally at the point where I tried to implement Respawn failed again and again and would like to use the healthcare system of my country to overcome this addiction. I tried outpatient one-on-one therapy once but this didn't change anything and even Respawn was more effective. This is why I'm contemplating inpatient rehab for around 10 weeks to beat this addiction. Did anyone have experience with these different approaches (especially inpatient rehab) and could offer me some advice if this can be recommended? Thanks in advance Marius
  7. 1. I can recommend the addon "DF Tube" as a soft approach and "LeechBlock NG" for Linux / "Cold Turkey Blocker" for Windows / "Stay Focused" for Android as a hard blocking approach. 2. Andrew Kirby is a god for personal development. Nevertheless he is on YouTube... 3. no idea, I don't even know what that is.
  8. or not 😄 Welp, I found myself watching a lot of Twitch lately and actually played a porn game again. Porn in general has become a regular activity as well. I think I will try to cut down on those activities slowly as I tried to completely erase Twitch from my day yesterday when the days before I just to come back from uni and directly lay down on the couch to watch Twitch until I fall asleep in front of the screen, and couldn't really live with all the craving. It felt intense and almost uncontrollable. I chatted with a friend and then actually went on Twitch to watch some more until I fell asleep again in front of the screen. We are currently covering psychology in uni and I might have a narcissistic personality I discovered. Dunno why and since when but I can say that many of the described social interaction patterns are well known to me. As an underlying condition this might be suitable explanation for my emotional instability. I think I'm physically and mentally addicted to recreational internet usage atm. Most likely I try to dampen the pain I experience with real life. It's a flight from responsibility and unstable social relationships. I went to the gym today and learned a bit Spanish again. So this is on the positive side. I really don't think that I can manage today without going back to Twitch for the evening although I know that it's disastrous for my health and life. There is just this intense feeling of fear, loneliness, stupidity and my inability to sleep. I might have to try in-patient rehab because otherwise I'm at the end of my wits. I still really enjoy reading through all your journals and thanks for reading.
  9. As a soon to be doctor I'd like to ask: What exactly did happen? bone fracture? It is actually highly recommended to cut down immobilisation time after these injuries, go through a rehabilitation program with intense workouts AND relaxation time. Furthermore applying pressure on a healing fracture activates osteoblasts which helps to regain the original shape. If the initial pain never subsided may go and see a competent orthopedist as there might be the chance of a pseudarthrosis.
  10. Hey, just wanted to say that I'm still there. Will keep my entries to one per week.
  11. Well my break is over friends, I think. From Wednesday onward I didn't really care about anything in my life besides my electronic media usage. I binged YouTube, porn, even played some minor games. I did watch quite a lot of YouTube channels that are educational, nevertheless this is far from what I thought I would do when I came back to my apartment. I think I tried to change too fast and was disappointed when things didn't turn out as planned. The funny thing is that this method was actually the most successful so far which is why I will continue with it. I think forcing myself to do anything is really the bad approach. I watched a really great video on Better Than Yesterday and I will incorporate many of the mentioned ideas into my future schedules. The ways from which I set myself up to derive satisfaction and happiness from are flawed in the sense that they are unreliable. I have to stay happy throughout the day without me relying on them.
  12. Ok, idk. This is gonna be day 1. defined as this momentum after getting up from bed where I feel sufficiently rested to start the day. There are so many ideas that actually would help me to bring me to the right direction but I'm not following through. So no more gaming with life. I think it's mostly being depressed for me when I binge watch something to feel better. I'm depressed because I don't have that many friends and feel stuck in life without a path to where I once was: respected, well equipped for the future, independent, safe and admired. This admiration part was a safety shield against the appearance of reputation shattering memories. It was my defense against failures of the past. I really do care A LOT what others think about me and I wish I wouldn't. I'm just really insecure about myself and what represent atm. Some expectations are flawed in my environment I believe which is why I need something I can always rely on. I think that this has been so far the ability to find bliss in binging online video streams. Always reliable without any downtime. And I never had to worry what the other side thought about me as everything was anonymous and unidirectional. This obviously only explains the problem and doesn't solve it yet. Finding source(s) for my confidence that can't be impaired by anybody and loosing my reliance for the admiration of others is what is the solution here I believe. I need something I can always rely on which is tied to myself, invisible but not yielding to the flow of time.
  13. Do you have a dream job? Will that job change bring you closer to this dream job?
  14. Your determination to become the person you envision yourself to be has to be stronger than your situational urges. Always remind yourself about that. Let nothing stand between you and your ideal.