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station mouse

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  1. Tuesday 15th June 2021 I was very surprised to find that I already have an account on this forum (and even started a journal thread here last year.) I'd completely forgotten about it! If anything though, it proves that I've been very aware of my gaming addiction for a long time now. It might be helpful for me to write more specifically about my bad experiences with games later but for this first entry I just want to say: I start playing computer games without intending to and/or I find it difficult or impossible to stop, and that's eaten a lot of my time for years now and contributed to failures and screw ups. It's a numbing activity that prevents me from dealing with things I feel even a little negative about. I don't want to do it anymore. It's not even fun, half the time I'm playing I'm bored and not enjoying myself, I just can't summon the idea of doing anything else. I'm not going to commit to any specific format for my journal entries (because I know whatever I decide I'll get bored and want to change later) but I do think some goal tracking will be useful and motivating, so long as I don't overcomplicate them or have too many going on at once. time checks for today: No games- 11 hours No YouTube- 45 minutes (gotta start somewhere 😆) Goal for today: shower (reward: ice-cream) Goal for this week: plan summer calendar (including booking tickets etc. and sending arrangements emails) (reward: boat watching or visiting Isaac) I hope everyone reading is having a good day and remembered to take their medication if applicable ❤️
  2. Time started: 1:08 pm Day count: day 0 with no games, day 0 with no youtube I am feeling: uuggggghhhhhhhhhhhh. I'm existentially tired, I think is an ok phrase for it. Or, let's be real, what I'm feeling is depression. My meds can only do so much and I haven't been getting exercise enough and I didn't even go outside yesterday. It would also help if I was achieving anything rather than just passing the time. As it stands, I feel like a heap of soggy rice pretending to be a person. There's a thick sheet of padding over my head and it's heavy and it's muffling the world. I'm going to listen to some Mother Mother to feel better and order my repeat meds. If I can achieve 2 things without being prompted by my Mum today I'll call it a success. One of them should be some exam because I'm feeling real guilty about those this week 😕 What could have been better yesterday: gone outside Winning Streaks! Daily Tasks: take meds x0, brush teeth twice x0, shower x0 Weekly-ish Tasks: laundry x2, shave x0, chores x1 Helpful Tasks: meditate x0, read book/comic x0, exercise x0 Quests from yesterday: Apply for student Finance ✔️ buy hoover attachment, suncream, sunhats, and makeup brushes for family ❌ order repeat prescription ❌ Quests for today this afternoon: order repeat prescription submit probability exam walk to mum's house Time completed: 1:19 pm
  3. Time started: 12:05 Day count: 0 days with no games, 0 days with no youtube I am feeling: good, but I can't say the same of how I've been feeling lately, hence I didn't post for a while How I did yesterday: geez I can't even remember... I missed my meds (and everything else) for a few days there which wasn't great. The weather is very warm which hasn't been helping (I hate hot weather) What could have been better yesterday: shower earlier, don't use laptop in bed Winning Streaks! Daily Tasks: take meds x1, brush teeth twice x0, shower x1 Weekly-ish Tasks: laundry x2, shave x1, chores x0 Helpful Tasks: meditate x0, read book/comic x0, exercise x2 Quests from yesterday: laundry ✔️ Quests for today: Apply for student Finance buy hoover attachment, suncream, sunhats, and makeup brushes for family order repeat prescription Time completed: 12:09
  4. Time started: 10:32 am, I slept late because I was up until like 3 last night Day count: 1 day with no games / 0 days with no youtube I am feeling: physically, pretty damn good. I slept well, even if it was later than it should be, and I got up, dressed, and had breakfast just now. I forget how things like that, taking care of yourself, can make you feel so much fuckin better. How I did yesterday: reasonably well! After a very slow start to the day, I focused for 40 minutes on my exams, which is much less than I hoped for, but given that I was also fending off impulses to open Steam the whole damn day and I didn't, I'm happy with how I did. However last night is a different story- I thought I would watch a couple of youtube videos before I went to sleep but it turned out I couldn't stop watching stuff until 3am even though I felt exhausted and grumpy. Winning Streaks! Daily Tasks: take meds x6, brush teeth twice x0, shower x2 Weekly-ish Tasks: laundry x1, shave x0, chores x2 Helpful Tasks: meditate x0, read book/comic x1, exercise x2 Quests from yesterday: shave ❌ work 2 hours on probability exam 😐 find comic series to start reading ✔️ Quests for today: complete probability exam shave tidy room Time completed: 10:45 am
  5. Time started: 12:44, I just had lunch Day count: 0 days with no games and no youtube I am feeling: kind of like I'm useless garbage but also cautiously hopeful. I've been trying to quit for a week and still haven't managed it but writing here always feels like another chance, or a little fresh start, something like that. It's nice! @Marek and @obelix_mtg, thank you for your replies! I don't think I'm in the right state of mind yet to decide if I'll want to go back to gaming after this. Right now everything in me screams NOOO MY PRECIOUS!!! when I think about deleting them and I've been spending time daydreaming about what I'll do in the Sims ~in the future~. After I've managed to not play anything for a while, I'll see how I'm thinking then and make a more serious and sensible decision. How I did yesterday: pretty terrible. I didn't do anything except play Sims and lie to my Mum that I was working. I turned it off a bunch of times but always ended up booting it up again after 5 minutes. What's really been getting to me hasn't been boredom but routine. It's such an ingrained habit that, after breakfast I play for a "little bit" (usually ends up being the whole day or morning), and that when I get home after dinner I play a "little bit" before I go to bed. Trying to get myself to do something other than what has become part of my usual routine is like Sisyphus pushing that rock up a hill. At least I sat with my family while they watched H2G2 yesterday. Sure, I was playing Sims and not paying attention, but Mum has said she appreciates it when I'm around. That's pretty sad, that I've driven her to such low standards for me. Today I have moved to the dining table to write this and attempt some work afterwards. It's nice because my brother is also working here so we're chilling together. (Also it's nice because it's right by the kitchen so I can get myself a new cup of tea whenever 😍) What could have been better yesterday: I think one problem may have been that every time I was like "right, I'm going to do some work now", I didn't get up from my bed. I'm used to sitting on my bed to play games, it's my relaxing place, so of course if I sit there with my laptop and textbook, I'm just going to do what I always do with my laptop while I'm sat there (play some more games). Winning Streaks! Daily Tasks: take meds x5, brush teeth twice x0, shower x1 Weekly-ish Tasks: laundry x1, shave x0, chores x1 Helpful Tasks: meditate x0, read book/comic x0, exercise x1 Yesterday's Quests: N/A Quests for today: shave work 2 hours on probability exam when I am bored, find a comic series to start reading Time completed: 1:21pm (bit too long oops)
  6. a quick update but I was able to uninstall my games this morning and I'm feeling pretty chuffed 💪
  7. Fri 22 may short post sorry, i am nonverbal today Streaks: (Days with...) no games: 0 no youtube: 0 meds (pills) 3 meds (treatment) 0 shower 1 brush teeth twice: 0 meditation: 0 complete daily task: 1 bonus task: 0 task today: submit probability exam bonus: apply student finance remember: shave, sew C's badges, get shoes, L here tomorrow
  8. Weds 20th May Ay folks I'm going to have to start over, and also I've decided to write these the morning after, because I need something to do in my morning coffee break and because I'm usually optimistic in the morning and depressed in the evening. Also it'll be nice to plan my days all out first thing in the morning? So anyway, yesterday was an unmitigated disaster. I played Sims solidly all day and didn't shower or do my teeth at all, didn't even eat anything until 3pm. At least I got to my Mum's place on time and successfully made dinner for the kids (it was vegetable gratin with sweet potato and caugette and it was delicious. As a bonus, Little A really likes it which is great because she hardly eats any fruit/vegetables and gratin is like, entirely veggies!) If nothing else, yesterday has shown me that doing a "cold turkey" video games thing is necessary for me. Yesterday I was like "I'll play for half an hour" and, well, that didn't happen. I'll aim for 80 days because... no reason really, I just don't like the number 90. I guess I could aim for 100? 100 is a nice number, I'll do that. There will be one exception to my personal video game ban, and that is Tuesday and Thursday evenings from 8pm, because I host game nights for my friends and family over Zoom, which are very important and one of the only ways we're keeping in touch during the lockdown. Fotunately they have the advantage of being naturally regulated in terms of timings. I'll also be quitting watching anything on YouTube, because I have exactly the same problem as with games with time management when I'm binge watching videos (which is so easy to do on that site 😟). Most of what I was watching was video game related anyway so would have been advised against by the game quitters how to. Anyway here's the ticky box bit: Streaks: (Days with...) no games: 0 no youtube: 0 meds (pills): 2 meds (skin treatment): 0 showered: 0 brushed teeth twice: 0 meditated (mindfullness or trance): 0 completed daily task: 0 completed bonus task: 1 Today my daily task is: to complete my probability exam (hopefully I will pass) Today my bonus task is: shaving Things to remember: apply for student finance, L is here on Saturday(?)
  9. It's not the type of games that causes problems, it's how bad for you your attitude and behaviour with them is. Although some games (like online/multiplayer games) are easier to get hooked on than others! For me, I play single player games that aren't even very exciting, like the Sims, but I played for solid hours and hours at a time and neglected to care for myself or do any of my responsibilities. All video games fulfil one of the 4 things we go to them looking for (socialisation, escape, achievement, or challenge) so even the games that aren't well known to be addictive can cause problems for you and you can end up where playing them is the primary thing you do with your life. For example, you could even have a problem with simple games like candy crush or even freaking snake, because they give you a feeling of achievement or challenge or they let you stop thinking about any negative things that are happening in your real life. If online games are causing a problem for you, then absolutely it is a good idea to get rid of them. The risk when you replace them with a different video game is that you're just going to fall into the same patterns of behaviour with that new game, even though it's maybe even boring. The reason the 90 day "detox" is a thing, is it gives you time to learn new habits and behaviour patterns that are benficial for you. You can pick up activities to fill your time that will improve your health or smarts or living situation. Yeah, you'll be bored and you'll miss games and want to replace them with some "less bad" video games, but in the end that's still your video game habit, even if it's slightly different. If you have a lot of self discipline, and you really don't want to "detox" (the detox doesn't have to be 90 days, it can be whatever amount of time you personally need), you can try gaming in moderation. This is where you only play video games at certain times of day (probably in the late afternoon) once you have done everything else you need to do. Trying to quit a video game addiction or bad video game habit using gaming in moderation is often much harder than quitting cold turkey, though. Think everything through and make plans for whichever choice you make. Good luck!
  10. Day 1: Fell at the First Hurdle I played Sims today during the half hour break our whole household takes after lunch. I think this was partly because I did not plan any activities to do in the hours I would normally play games and partly out of the force of habit. However, what I did not do (which I have been doing for the past few months) is spend the entire alloted study time gaming instead of studying. This was so much of an improvement and I feel so proud of myself for getting some work done (it wasn't that hard either! I'd been so scared of it). Here is a plan of some activities I can do instead of playing games: listen to podcasts or audio dramas, read books or online fanfiction, make a story setting, design a game, crochet the jellyfish, repair socks, repair soft toys, play a board game, chat on discord, meditate, meditate with the audio for it, walk to the river or graveyard, do some housework, lie on the floor and think about things, have a snack or cup of coffee. Did I take my meds today: yes, with my morning coffee Time asleep last night: 11pm to 8.20am I wasn't asleep the whole time but I didn't use any screens like normal so I fell back asleep after a while each time 🛰️ What went well today: I began my Probability exam and finished 2 questions! What I could have done to make today better: not played any video games Plans for tomorrow: apply for student finance, continue probability exam (hopefully finish it), hoover my room Plans for the future: play or write a choose your own adventure or single player TTRPG, crochet a whole jumper, get into reading new comics, see my mum at 4pm 🐁 Time taken writing this entry: 15 minutes
  11. Thank you! Lorem ipsum is filler text, "I'll write something here later" sort of thing.
  12. Day 0 and Post Template The goals for this journal are: to post an entry every day, no matter how short to spend no more than 30 minutes on each entry The following is my post blueprint (edited 26th May, probably will edit again in the future) Time started: time Day count: some days with no games and no youtube I am feeling: blah How I did yesterday: yesterday What could have been better yesterday: stuff Winning Streaks! Daily Tasks: take meds x0, brush teeth twice x0, shower x0 Weekly-ish Tasks: laundry x0, shave x0, chores x0 Helpful Tasks: meditate x0, read book/comic x0, exercise x0 Quests from yesterday: one two three Quests for today: one two three Time completed: time
  13. Hi, I'm Mouse and I'm from the UK. I'm a 23 yr old trans guy studying maths at university. I'm autistic and have had severe depression since my mid teens. I'm Jewish, have a big family, I like board games and audio dramas. I want to quit games because they're the main way I procrastinate and escape from my worries. This has led to failing various stages of higher education every year since I turned 17. My only success has been passing the university entrace exam (with flying colours!) 2 years ago, but since then I have hardly studied and it's looking like I'll either have to drop out or take the first year of the course for a third time in a row. I'm sad to quit games. I really enjoy playing and building and telling stories and solving problems in games like the Sims and Oxygen not Included, but past experience has proven to me that I can't self regulate my playing of games, and also that spending all my time and energy gaming seriously impacts both my health and my studies. The goal is to get my life moving forwards, instead of being stuck like I have been for the last 5-6 years. This could be getting my degree, or it could be getting a job. This is a huge task and there are also smaller goals like: take my depression meds every day, have more than 1 friend, improve my concentration enough to be able to read books again (I used to love books as a kid). I am both scared and hopeful but quitting gaming will be good for me even if I don't enjoy it at first.