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nils

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  1. Hey HarmonyHaag! 🙂 @Captain_Pilz has summarized it perfectly, i think. Personally, I find games with the following aspects most addicting (for me it is League of Legends): - they are competitive (elo system / PvP) - constant ingame progress / a scaling system with lvl ups etc. - turn-based games, where it is easy to play multiple rounds in a row = games with no end point (mainly online games) - being social / games that create a feeling of togetherness / where you feel that you belong
  2. Did you tell him or her that? 😊 I am sure it would make his or her day as well! 😉
  3. 16th of August: Thank you, Pochatok! I appreciate the time and effort you put into this comment. 😊 The process of accepting own failures and habit patterns as a way to decrease the feeling of guilt is very important imo, too. I cannot say that I am good at this because my internal critic is very present and because I have a lot of self-doubt. But being reminded of this aspect was helpful to me, thank you! I hope, I got your point right though. In terms of re-arranging furniture etc.: Yeah, thats a good idea! Atm my room looks a little messy, I need to sort some objects out and remove some of the chaos in it. It's not that untidy, but a few things need to be cleaned up in order to support a good working atmosphere. _____ Back from vacation! I don't feel too relaxed because I have to deal with some family issues atm. But it has been two beatiful weeks and I can now shift my focus towards finishing my medical thesis before starting my first job. I accepted a job offer recently and therefore will need to move out of my shared flat in a few months. Regarding LoL, I am content with my current situation. I dont have cravings and usually dont look stuff up. Only yesterday I watched a short section of the LCS live stream out of boredom, but I had a feeling of estrangement and detachment while watching it, so I soon closed the tab. This is a good sign, I think. Two thirds of the 90 day detox are finished, now I need to make sure to finish the last third, this time for real. I still procrastinate too much, but I started doing more sports again and went swimming a few times. I also listen to podcasts atm and try to be more outside. Thats it for now! Have a great week! __________ Today is day 62 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 60 days without gaming (full detox).
  4. 24th of July: Hey guys! I am sorry for staying silent so long. I want to give you a short update now, but atm I dont have much time to do my journals. The hard truth is: I relapsed. On my 3rd try I reached 76 days, but was not able to finish the last 2 weeks. Relapsing means that I went through the full process: I had no account, but after some nostalgia about LoL which lead to cravings, I actively (!) convinced myself that after reaching my big goal of becoming a doctor it is "okay" to reinstall the game for just a few days and play some games. Looking back at this now, I am surprised that I really created a new account, knowing that it didnt work out as planned in the past and I couldnt control myself when playing LoL. The results: I played LoL for 2 weeks, not every day and not the whole day, but a lot of time was wasted back then. After 2 weeks, I got frustrated again by playing some bad games, also knowing that I cannot go on like this for the next years, especially when starting my first job (which will happen in a few months). So I uninstalled again and started another account deletion. I havent reflected on this relapse as much as I should have, but I took some things from it: Relapsing is OKAY. Its not a good thing ofc, but I dont need to feel ashamed. It means that I still struggle. But it also means, that I can get up again and move forward on my journey. For me, every relapse is an opportunity to learn something about myself. I still dont have the right system for change. My environment stays the same. My work place and my place for gaming, being in the comfort zone etc. is the same. I need to change my environment and separate these things because I need to avoid the typical cycle: Nostalgia/Thoughts about LoL + being at my PC --> Cravings --> Youtube --> LoL montages --> more cravings --> reinstalling the game --> gaming Unfortunately my options for changing my workspace are limited atm due to the fact, that I still dont live in my own apartment where I have more than one room. I also need to work at my own PC for my medical thesis because I use a special licensed software. I will address this after moving out of my shared flat in October. LoL still doesnt make me feel good. Its only my brain that tells me: "Here is a short-term reward. Go and get it!" In the longrun, it is just a waste of time and triggers my lack of self-confidence. I got into bouldering even more now, every week I practice with a nice group of friends. That is a really good hobby that can fulfill my social needs as well. Relapsing does not only happen because of the game LoL itself, a big part of it is due to my time on the internet. I need to find ways to cut my internet usuage down. One way I do this: I resumed my old hobby playing the guitar and play almost every day now for a couple of minutes 🙂 What has happened after the relapse? The good thing is: I immediately started a new detox run after the 2 weeks and I am doing pretty well. I avoided every trigger so far (I didnt search for a single info about LoL). No cravings. My account that I created over a month ago is now deleted. I am still sitting too much but I dont game that much. I still have some hobbies though for which I spent a lot of time on the internet. I also started to work on my medical thesis again. I procrastinated a lot in the last weeks but I am working on it on a consistent basis again. @ Pochatok Yeah, lets do that! 😃 How do you do so far? And do you have a posture routine? I do a lot of stretching, combined with multiple chin tucks a day, some wall angels and exercises for my upper, middle and lower back against gravity. Still too much sitting, but I can elevate my work desk, so I can work while staying. _____ Thats it for now. I wont update as much as I did in the past (going on vacation for 2 weeks now 😄). I still use habit tracking and cross out every day that I didnt play or watch LoL content. I dont want to break the chain. After my vacation I will have reached about 55 days, so I am on a good way again. Will I reach the 90 days this time? After my recent relapse, I really dont know. I wrote things in my last entries in the sense of: Nothing can stop me now from reaching the 90 days. That looks really stupid from my perspective now. It seems, I cannot trust my own words. But I keep trying, that is the best I can do. Good luck to you all! See you after my vacation! 😊 __________ Today is day 39 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 60 days without gaming (full detox).
  5. 2nd of June: Lazy day today. I met a friend and we went for a walk together. Did nothing special in the afternoon and evening, just a little bit of cooking, watching some videos and playing and listening to music. Tomorrow I will start bouldering again. I miscounted yesterday: I thought I had done 74 days of my detox, but I did 75 instead. So I edited my comment and corrected it. __________ Today is day 76 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 90 days without gaming (full detox).
  6. I will reach 75 days tomorrow. If I can do it, you can do it as well! 🙂 I wish you the best of luck dealing with your procrastination. It is okay from time to time unless it affects your overall study performance or keeps you from doing other important daily activities.
  7. 1st of June: Back from visiting some friends over the weekend. I am in a good mood these days because I finally have some free time again so I can spend time on my hobbies and meet friends that I havent seen in a while. I will need to work on my medical thesis the next weeks and months, but this week I will finally take my well-earned vacation. I started doing more music again and spent some time on playing a new RPG which I have a non-addictive relationship towards. At this point, LoL has been banned from my life almost completely, the only struggle from time to time are these montages. Other than that I am still confident that I left this game for good. The detox is going pretty well. I have reached day 75. My longest run was 74 days so today is a new record. Only 2 weeks until I will finish the 90 days. I dont see anything that could stop me from reaching this goal now. Regarding habits, I want to improve my posture again. I have kind of a forward head posture due to years of sitting in front of the computer. I focused a lot on posture exercises in the past but have lost my consistency. So I need to get that right again. The good thing is, I still do stretching exercises on a consistent basis and have improved a lot in this area. My daily structure is a little mess atm. I make sure that I wont get into a rut. Going to bed early without using my phone in bed is a problem for me. Unfortunately, I gained some weight again, doing sports and eating healthy is on top of my to do list now. I am not sure whether I will write on a daily basis because I travel a lot atm. But I will keep you updated from time to time. Wish you all the best for your own journeys. You can make it! __________ Today is day 75 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 90 days without gaming (full detox).
  8. 26th of May: Hey folks, it has been a while! In the past weeks a lot has happened in my life, an update is therefore necessary. First of all, I have finished my exams!! I am officially a doctor now! ❤️ 🙂 It feels so relieving! After all these study hours in April, I realized how much I have stressed myself, and now a huge chunk of that stress is gone. All the study sessions were well invested. Even though I didnt feel well prepared during the exam days, the time I spent learning wasnt wasted, it made huge difference in the end. During my preparation, I couldnt finish all topics in time and therefore wasnt able to answer some important questions from my examiners, but especially on the second day of the exams I performed really well. I even got a really good grade!! I have never expected that because I felt so far behind in knowledge due to my LoL addiction. The fact that I have finished studies after 6,5 years hasnt settled in my mind yet. But I can be proud of myself, I know that. It was worth all the effort. After the exams, I didnt feel too well though. I fell ill, thats why I havent been journaling yet. I felt really week, but now I am okay. Regarding LoL, I have to admit that I watched some YT montages for entertainment after the exams. But I didnt feel any urge to play the game again. Reaching almost 70 days without playing LoL feels really good, the 90 days goal is in sight. I didnt have any huge cravings in the last weeks, too. The one thing I want to improve on atm is to lose my connection to LoL entirely by stopping watching content. I watch these montages just for entertainment and because it reminds me of the good times I had while playing this game. It wasnt all bad. LoL has helped me through some dark phases of my life. But the montages are not the standard gameplay, I am aware of that. Yes, from time to time you can execute an amazing play against several players on the enemy team and you get the praise of your teammates. But most of the time its just an unhealthy and toxic experience. I dont miss playing the game anymore. There are too many reasons that keep me away from this game, and I enjoy less stressful games much more than LoL these days. Gaming still plays a part of my life. I think it is safe to say though that I dont have an unhealthy relationship to the other games that I played in the past. I think, everyone needs to find his or her own way of dealing with gaming issues. In my case, I am not against gaming in total. I also dont think that I NEED to stay away from gaming entirely in order to perform well in other areas of my life. But I need to reflect what types of games are safe to play for entertainment without getting addicted to it and what types of games are to avoid at all costs. I especially dont want to have ONLINE games in my future life, these are the most addictive due to their feedback loops, their social and competitive aspects and lots of other reasons. I still love RPGs like Witcher 3 because (besides the good gameplay) the games tell interesting stories and I can ENJOY them instead of being frustrated. Although there is always a quest that is waiting for me, I find it much easier to take a break from the game and to stop playing, I cant do this in LoL. This is what works for me. I am content atm with the things I have accomplished, my life has improved in so many ways. Maybe one day I will stop playing games at all, who knows. When I will start my first job, I wont have much time for that anyways. I nowadays see gaming as a relaxing hobby that I can follow from time to time. A little prospect in the end: The next weeks and months will be filled with working on my medical thesis, my next big goal. This will be a huge challenge for me and lots of work has to be done, but I am willing to go all the way even if I have lost some motivation to work on the topic in the past. But I also want to go on vacation for a few weeks. I think that I earned that now 🙂 Also my last vacation was before the pandemic, more than 2 years ago. I also need to apply for my first job and therefore write some applications. This weekend I will visit some friends, therefore I wont journal from Saturday on for a few days. I hope, you are all doing fine and you can find some ways to adjust your lives in a way that benefits you and makes you feel good, even if its just tiny steps atm. 🙂 __________ Today is day 69 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 75 days without gaming (five sixths of the full detox).
  9. 8th of May: This will be my last time of journaling until the end of the next week because I am moving towards my old town tomorrow. Today I didnt get ahead as much as I wanted. I studied for barely 3 hours today, did a lot of procrastination again. I think it is because of the stress. Well, I still have some days left until the exam starts. So I need to get as much as possible out my hours in the next days. I studied for over 1 month now, almost every day at least 2-3 hours. So failing is not an option. I will be back soon and tell you the results. Wish me luck! __________ Today is day 51 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 60 days without gaming (two-thirds of the full detox).
  10. 7th of May: Stood up at 9.15, showered, had breakfast and finished by 10.45. Started studying until 13.45. I then needed a short break, but since I felt like I had to be careful with my time, I didnt procrastinate. Instead, I got on the bike and drove to the clinic again, where I started my next session at 14.30. I did some Pomodoro cycles and finished at 18.30. I wanted to stay for longer, but I was too foggy-brained because I had no big breaks yet and also my brain needed some sugar in order to work (skipped lunch). So I decided to return to my flat and prepared dinner which I will now enjoy with my flatmate and some friends. So far I have studied almost 7 hours! But I am still planning to do another session after dinner, since the day isnt over and it is the "hot phase", only a couple of days before the exam starts. I still feel quite stressed and nervous. I hope it will all be fine and it wont be a problem that I dont have the time anymore to go through all the topics again. Tomorrow will be the last day of journaling before the exam, I will continue by the end of the next week. __________ Today is day 50 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 60 days without gaming (two-thirds of the full detox).
  11. 6th of May: Did my morning routine after staying up at 9.30, then went to the clinic. Started learning at 11.30, finished at 5 p.m. I skipped lunch today, but had early dinner. Now I will do some stretching and go to my desk for the evening session afterwards. My mood is fine today. But I still feel stressed a lot because of what lies ahead of me. I started to eat more sugar the last three days. It is because of the exam. Also lunch and dinner are not that healthy, mostly noodles. I feel like I need this atm, but its obviously not a good coping mechanism for stress. After my exam, I will return to a healthy routine. I also still spend some time on YT during the breaks, but its less than I used to. I am quite time-efficient these days, which I need to be if I want to get a good result next week. The end of the stressful study phase is in sight. 🙂 __________ Today is day 49 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 60 days without gaming (two-thirds of the full detox). Edit: Learned another 2,5 hours now, so 8 hours today in total. Feels good again to be productive and spending the time in a useful way, although its a little exhausting. After the exam I will focus on continuing my study sessions on a regular basis, but in more relaxed way. I know this type of studying atm is not healthy.
  12. 5th of May: The days become blurred. Every day is similar to the one before and filled with long study sessions now. I feel the pressure rising, and so many topics are left to be learned. I try to encourage myself, that the exam is doable and that not many students fail the tests. On Monday I will move to my old town where the exam will happen, so from Monday on I wont do my journal for about 1 week. Today I stood up at 9.30 again, then had a hairdresser appointment. Afterwards I prepared breakfast and started my study session at 12.30. With some major and minor breaks I pushed myself through until 17.45. I decided to do an one hour walk in order to refresh my mind. Since I have finished that, I am studying until now. I will watch one episode of a series now and do some stretching meanwhile because I sit hours and hours at the PC this week. After this exam, sports will climb up my priority list again. Stretching on a consistent basis got me really ahead though. I can now reach and touch the ground with my fingers while staying with extended legs. I am still not sure how to deal with this journey. I want to address more topics, atm its just a list of my daily tasks and activities. Boring to read for you, I guess 😉 When I have more time, I will try to improve on this. Hopefully you are all doing fine and good things happen to you. I wish you all the best for your own journeys! 🙂 __________ Today is day 48 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 60 days without gaming (two-thirds of the full detox).
  13. 4th of May: Stood up at 9.30 and made breakfast. Watched a series during that. Went for a walk afterwards, about 1,5 h. Started studying at 14.30 and pushed myself through that session without any break until 20.30 (not good, I know, but still so much to learn 😅). Now I need some food and some mobilisation. Afterwards I will continue to study. I get stressed out a little, because I realized how many topics I havent worked on. Luckily I have some days left before the exam starts. I really need the next days. I dont even think about gaming atm, no time for that. __________ Today is day 47 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 60 days without gaming (two-thirds of the full detox).
  14. 3rd of May: Stood up early, then headed to the citizens' center in order to finally get my certificate of conduct that I need for my approbation request. Had some more appointments in the town, then returned home about 11.30 and made me some lunch. I spent some more time at home before I headed off to the clinic where I studied from 15.30 to 8 p.m. without big breaks. At 8 p.m. I left the clinic and walked home while calling a friend. Arrived home at 21.30 and spent some time with my flatmates before I finally went to bed. Again I felt sad and lonely yesterday. The exam isnt stressing me too much but I still feel socially isolated because I dont have a proper peer group in my new town. I will have to work on that more after the exam. Studied almost 4 hours and spent 1 hour walking today. __________ Today is day 46 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 60 days without gaming (two-thirds of the full detox).
  15. 2nd of May: Today was one of the less productive days. I planned to stay up early, but made it out of bed at 9.30. I showered, went to the supermarket, bought some rolls and had breakfast. Afterwards, I prepared my 1 p.m. seminar with my co-examinees and was busy until 14.30. Then I had lunch and watched a movie afterwards. In the evening I decided to learn at the clinic again, only to realize after one rather uneffective hour, that I cant go on like this today. So I returned home after a second stop at the supermarket. I bought me some ice cream as a reward for reaching my 50 % detox goal and now I am watching some Netflix. Tomorrow has to be more productive than today. At least I reached my detox goal. __________ Today is day 45 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 60 days without gaming (two-thirds of the full detox).