"Be open to all outcomes, but attached to none."

Mhyrions journey

157 posts in this topic

Posted

Great job being mindful of where your mental state was at and taking the extra time to sleep. That's been such a positive change in my life, to take a few extra hours when I need them to recharge. Amazing what kind of day you can have when you're intentional about being properly rested.

Sounds like some challenging relationship circumstances. Sending positive wishes your way, hope everything goes well for you both moving forward!

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Posted

I'm so productive this week. This is amazing. I am amazing. I also am too tired to take care of household things I'd normally do, I'll have to adjust my planning accordingly if I want to stay this productive for my study. I am out of socks now, clean ones anyway, but my study progressing at great pace. I've added this morning to work in the animation studio, to make some precomp material and clean up. After that I can edit and see the fruits of my labour. I've sadly haven't progressed on my treehouse sketches yet, so I can't discuss them with my tutor today. And I am also not sure if I have the material I worked on this week ready to show, so perhaps I can better reschedule meeting him till next week. We'll see. I am starting to feel a tiny wee bit overwhelmed, I haven't been away from home this much for a long while and I have less ways to relax/get calm/take care of myself this way. Something to be aware of today.

 

Yesterday evening I gave in to some instant gratification in the form of YT vids. I didn't finish a single one of em and quit after a half hour. I could've better done something else. Also dreamt about gaming again this night, but it's starting to get more... I dunno. It feels like it's more about bright colours and the surroundings of the game then the actual game and gameplay it self. I shouldn't dwell too long on it or I'll get nostalg…. Too late! Oh well.

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Posted

You are doing great!

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Posted

I'm so productive this week. This is amazing. I am amazing.

 tumblr_mvemcyarmn1rslphyo1_400.gif

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Posted (edited)

The support of you guys is priceless <3

 

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Yesterday wasn't as productive as it could've been. I went home early because I was done having people around me. Had another fight with hubby in the evening, I dunno what's in the air this week, but it's wearing me out to fight with him this much. It's pretty pointless too. He keeps complaining I should exercise more, but he never gives me credit for all the other stuff I accomplish in the meanwhile. Yes I failed to exercise again, it's just not something I am naturally interested in at all. It takes a lot of effort to keep doing it and I rather do something else with my evenings, like the social things I have picked up. I am pretty done with him expressing disappointment in me, I need support. At the same time, I really need to work on staying cool when he's not as supportive as I would like him to be, because I was super inpatient and got really mad. I need to stay cool to prevent the situation from escalating, my reactions at times are putting oil on a fire that's already hot. I rather prevent the situation as a whole, but it's not conceivable this will never happen again.

 

This morning I felt utterly unmotivated and I noticed I was in a destructive mood. Again(!) dreamt about gaming, only a different game this time. It was a Sims NSFW version, interesting things my brain fabricates. I tried to stay in bed for as long as possible, as staying in bed was a better option then the things my mind was thinking about doing. I haven't done anything productive till this point, but I also prevented myself from relapsing. I want to game so bad, but in essence I just want to hide. I felt strong urges to watch a gaming stream, but prevented myself. I got to the twitch page though, walking a fine line here. Instead I watched the 'what to do when you're about to relapse' vid of Cam. Lifesaver <3 It's pathetic that I still need that, but it worked. I did act on my destructive urges by eating way too much till the point of nauseousness, but that will pass. I feel like I've shattered this morning, but I can also see the pieces. This is interesting, because normally I would not have been able to see things this clear yet. Perhaps experience in reflection is paying off.

I am going to try and force myself to go outside in the sun. The weather is beautiful today. I shouldn’t care about being productive right now, I need to keep it together first.

 

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Weekly goals:

-Fully animate 1 minute 30 (~500/~1080 photos) Still a succes!

-Speak with both tutors (1/2) Failed to speak with the 2d.

-Finish a 3d sketch of treehouse (1/1) Succes.

-Give 100% to counselling

-preparation (1/1) Nailed it.

-counselling (1/1) Job well done.

-Continue being kind and patience with myself. Went pretty good I think.

-Update in Beyond. Slacking, let's do it today!

Edited by Mhyrion
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Posted

Sims NSFW

xD

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Posted

It is not pathetic that you still need the videos. There are so many triggers in this world that can remind you of gaming, and that is why I think that it is one of the hardest addictions to get rid off (maybe I am biased, but who cares? ;)). I'd rather watch a video every day that will help me, than that I will relapse.

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