The Marvelous Misadventures

[Xgamer]

FIRST DAY

Good things

• I have finally tidied up room. That took me 3 bloody hours. Who knew my room could accomodate so much dust, Jesus. More than that, I accidentally found the missing part from my MOTTO Racing gear ?
  Spoiler

  why, why now? I could have had so much fun playing my beloved ProStreet with it ? ALAS LOL

  That hit me hard. A sudden wave of playing urge almost overwhelmed me but ya boi stays strong.
  EDIT. Watching video of other people quitting gaming (HOBEDAGA`s story) helped me. especially this guy. He`s a legend
   
• Spent time with my father. That was endearing really. We talked, played chess. Too bad I`ve wasted so much time digging my head in sand. But look redemption is what matters here right? It was funny to stumble upon my urge to leave as soon as we talked. I understand why. My father was often asking about my grades, plans for future, thoughts, anything, hell, he really was trying. And me being a depressed junkie, hating that sense of guilt, so dense I could touch it, I would crudely end the convo and rush to my messy room playing computer games with lights switched off.
  Spoiler

  I hope I can stop hating myself one day, really, or will it matter down the line, If I wll be always full of rancours, then maybe fuck it lets play until I die

   

Bad things

I feel like shit already. Well it is an indication of me being an addict, right? And I don`t want that. I want to be free.

Thoughts
Does the fact I am quitting mean that I shall not play again anymore? Should it be as fawl and wrong as doing drugs or commiting crimes for me now? What about this time I have spent playing games? Should I blame myself for it?
What if I turn to pro gamer? Like, isn`t it wonderful to be hooked on something and bring bacon home at the same time. But, from the other perspective, say I have managed to become pro, will I be agile? Active? Socially charismatic? Perhaps it`s my brain trying to find a way to play some more

 

Well, here it is, folks! OH! one more thing..

Here it is my visual XP bar for not playing the game ? How do you like it

 

 

Edited December 29, 2019 by Xgamer

[Xgamer]

SECOND DAY

Really tired but I wantto get a hang of keeping a journal - that helps me to stay on track

Good things

• Helped my family to smarten up the house. It all looks festive and stuff now. Went shopping together!
• Didn`t play!Nono man I ain`t giving up that easy

Bad things

• Spent a lotta time on utube. But frankly the videos I`ve watched weren`t memes compilations or some silly game montage as I used to watch. I have viewed some of Cam`s videos and some educational one, thoughts provoking like this one (I suggest you to watch it. It is about coping with difficulties). So why is it a drawback then? Well, I have to bite the bullet and find myselfa job if I have made up my mind moving from my parents in a week I have to be conscious about it, innit?
• Been moody. Not gonna lie,really wanna play. I feel under the weather big time.

Thoughts

I have seen different guys talking about gaming in moderation like this guy(Richard Kuo), for instance. It`s a controversial topic, but in an other video Cam noticed that it is important to complete the detox and then think of gaming in moderation. He`s got the point. Gotta prove myself that I can live without games, that I am not an addict. Perhaps I ruminate over it although I am not ready to ditch games out of my live. Bloody hell, I spent my childhood playing games... I can`t imagine my life without games, frankly, for now, ok ? ?

Bloody moody disposition of mine is killing all the fun. Gotta find a hobby, a job ? Yeah..

Not a movie fiend but damn that girl ( Zooey Claire Deschanel ) is hot.

Kaaching! my xp bar is advancing

 

That`s it for now

Edited December 30, 2019 by Xgamer

[Xgamer]

third day

egregious

leaving my home today so I writing now in advance so that you don`t think I quit

good things

Haven`t played

bad things

world is ugly

thoughts

none, headache

Edited December 31, 2019 by Xgamer

[BooksandTrees]

Welcome to the forums!

[Xgamer]

I have made couple of new years resolutions

1. Develop empathy for my closest ones
2. Don`t take life too seriosuly

And I have also found out about non-euclid geometry and lucid dreaming. That sounds like fun I would like to dig deeper
I have also burried the hatchet with my parents nevertheless I am still moving from my parents` in a week. This is the decision I have ruminated a lot. There are probably a lot of typos but I ll correct them tommorow, maybe

I wanna get my head around all those 101 idioms in english

Edited January 1, 2020 by Xgamer

[Xgamer]

still kicking yet I missed daily check in here. Because I have never switched on my pc during all those 3 days!

A lot of things happened and it is already past midnight in Russia.

Compassion, empathy
To be all ears, scale of the situation

scaling the conflict can help to stay level headed for example

Me and my sister bicker a lot (x1)
My sister is having a quarrel with me because I took something without asking (x2)
My sister who has been next to me all my life even the house was broken is upset that i have done something

Internalized? Scaling might be the key of healthy relationships. Overviewing the scene and analysing what is going on. It is hard
 

I quit gaming week or so and tbh I think I want to go on

That is it I guess
Lil bit disappointed nobody called me out during my 3 day gone missing
On the other hand this diary is not for the effect but purpose

[Xgamer]

life is pain so I don`t want to multiply it

concentration and there is no other way then do it

I am starting life blank page so I need to gain huge potential huge momentum what can i do dto become better

[ElectroNugget]

Hitting a week is a big milestone dude, you can be proud of yourself!

You mentioned you were sad nobody called you out when you were gone for 3 days, it's not uncommon for some people to disappear for a few days on the forums, don't take it personally. I had some rather large gaps in my journal from my first detox. But you said you didn't post because you didn't even turn on your PC for three days! That's awesome! Focus on your own achievement there. 🙂 

Keep it up, I can promise the journey is worth it.

[Xgamer]

It`s almost a month since I have quit gaming and out of the blue my cravings struck again! Good thing I have no accessto my old steam accout nor to my old pc but I even started to dream about playing some of these games that drew me around the bend. Tomorrow my work shift starts I hope it can drawmy attention to more serious stuff in my life. But I gotta admit that I am relentless in doing anything AGAIN. 

[Xgamer]

over a month. i feel great tempation to play, craving is back and i am getting moody again. I even started to dream about playing. Going dowhill really, but i mean just a stormy day I suppose

[Xgamer]

yeah what a golden time that was eh? Playing video games as a teen, careless stuff. It might not be gaming craving but nostalgia. Perhaps. Ive watched some videos I used to like dearly

the noob who`s f2p (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YyW8avcTQHU)

Once upon a time in 2fort (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NocI-TT832E)

watched some Cam`s videos why do people quit playing and so on. I feel better now. An hour ago it felt like i was on verge, really

yeah

[Tomas]

Hi Xgamer, it is good to see that you overcame the craving of gaming on a stormy day. Not playing for over a month is a really nice progress. Keep it up! Are you still using you chart? With kind regards, Tomas.

[Xgamer]

On 2/4/2020 at 8:08 AM, Tomas said:

Hi Xgamer, it is good to see that you overcame the craving of gaming on a stormy day. Not playing for over a month is a really nice progress. Keep it up! Are you still using you chart? With kind regards, Tomas.

Unfortunately not, I lost it when moving. It would totaly be handy on rainy days

Still getting the pro-gaming vibe though, I can`t imagine that I will finally kick the habit of playing. 

[Xgamer]

On the hindsight, I knew gaming was deteriorating the situation, challenging my relationships and so on but I deliberately sat down every time to pull all-nighter. It has become a common practice for me to reach out for ur(the guy who`s reading this) story and let the steam off whenever I `d had cold feet. Damn, I miss steam.  So yeah. Every video on how a certain person developed something after he quit. Or found a gf, saved the world, etc. But does it matter? Cam is using rationalisation to  prove us that gaming is hazardous.  But didn`t I know this? Damn, I was totaly aware so what. It isn`t about consciense mulling pros and cons of gaming over, for sure. It`s like subconscious thingy, little  inner baby, does this toddler care for whatever reasonable arguments we make? And after a month, after getting a job, moving and etc. I still want to play. I want to play badly, like 24 hours straight. Just switch that game on and kill everyone there and be as toxic as pripyat in 1968 yeah i want to  quit my job dump my gf and game this little goofy under-cooked game until i die 

Wow that was a heart-downing one right? Stream of consciousness it`s called. Phew, feel much better. For now. I kinda feel guilty for sploshing this joint over, buuut paper can`t blush, can it? Hardly any1 reading my COMEBACKSTORY, so I decided just to leave it here. This is like my own twitter account(which i never had) that no1 will never find. 

I actually like coming here, really. Good number of nice people over here, same issue, endearing. right

Edited February 5, 2020 by Xgamer

[Tomas]

 

3 hours ago, Xgamer said:

On the hindsight, I knew gaming was deteriorating the situation, challenging my relationships and so on but I deliberately sat down every time to pull all-nighter. It has become a common practice for me to reach out for ur(the guy who`s reading this) story and let the steam off whenever I `d had cold feet. Damn, I miss steam.  So yeah. Every video on how a certain person developed something after he quit. Or found a gf, saved the world, etc. But does it matter? Cam is using rationalisation to  prove us that gaming is hazardous.  But didn`t I know this? Damn, I was totaly aware so what. It isn`t about consciense mulling pros and cons of gaming over, for sure. It`s like subconscious thingy, little  inner baby, does this toddler care for whatever reasonable arguments we make? And after a month, after getting a job, moving and etc. I still want to play. I want to play badly, like 24 hours straight. Just switch that game on and kill everyone there and be as toxic as pripyat in 1968 yeah i want to  quit my job dump my gf and game this little goofy under-cooked game until i die 

Wow that was a heart-downing one right? Stream of consciousness it`s called. Phew, feel much better. For now. I kinda feel guilty for sploshing this joint over, buuut paper can`t blush, can it? Hardly any1 reading my COMEBACKSTORY, so I decided just to leave it here. This is like my own twitter account(which i never had) that no1 will never find. 

I actually like coming here, really. Good number of nice people over here, same issue, endearing. right

Phew, you must have been feeling really frustrated at the time of writing. I hope you feel a bit of relief after writing this down? I recognize thinking about cons and pros. For me the real danger is when I stop thinking about it at all and just "give in to the moment". All I can say is keep it up. Give this strategy a chance. Your almost at half of the detox. 

[DaBest]

4 hours ago, Xgamer said:

Just switch that game on and kill everyone there and be as toxic as pripyat in 1968 yeah i want to  quit my job dump my gf and game this little goofy under-cooked game until i die

Dude. I can't tell you how many times I've felt like I've wanted to do that while gaming or on the internet. Escapism is bliss. Reality is suffering. 

The problem is, the only way to suffer better--not even necessarily less--is to focus on reality and have a purpose. Weirdly enough, the times I've felt best since leaving gaming for good was when I've faced my fears in real life and overcame them. These are the most in-tune moments I have with reality, and oddly enough, I'm practically blissful after. It's a weird dichotomy. 

[Amphibian220]

Reality is not all suffering. Reality is challenging and brings you wisdom. overcoming challenges makes you a man, someone people depend on.

Escaping from life and sabotaging your education, family connections, physical fitness gives you a short moment of respite followed by serious complications you cannot turn away from.

You are backed into a corner. The only thing you can do now is be honest and fight as best as you can.

Edited February 7, 2020 by Amphibian220

[Xgamer]

Ah shit, here we go again

Ridiculous. I used to play shooters until I decided to kick the habit. It was 45 days ago. So what exactly happened?

I`ve already mentioned above that I moved thus I have no access to my old pc. My gf seldom plays games but when it happens she suffices with Sims. So today was one of those days. I was chilling, playing with Duolinguo when I decided to see what the apple of my eye was doing there. 

We had a great fun, for almost an hour we were creating a new character in which I have taken tangible part. 

I have broken my promise not to partake in any type of video games. I relapsed. Wierdly enough I think I would be less disappointed if I played my type of games. At least I would have quenched my thirst. 

So yeah from day 45 to day 0

I am still committed though

[ElectroNugget]

Hey man.

That sucks, but don't be too hard on yourself. The real dangers of prolonged and habitual gaming are isolation from others and wasting time that could be much better spent on literally anything else. As such, I think if there was any way that you could possibly relapse, doing so to spend some quality time with your girlfriend is by far the least egregious of them.

Nonetheless, it is of course potentially dangerous to start entertaining the possibility of playing videogames again within that framework, so I think it's good and noble of you that you want to reset your counter. Take it in your stride but I think you can still be proud of what you've accomplished so far.

I've had to turn down a few social videogaming events recently as well, it sucks but I think it is important that we draw that line in the sand very clearly. Good on you for doing the same.

[Xgamer]

@ElectroNugget Thank you for cheering me up, I need it. Day1. Uni is back and somehow I need to find a way to manage my work and uni. 

Edited February 10, 2020 by Xgamer

[Xgamer]

day6?

Today while going to a supermarket I was thinking about how bad it must be not to game forever, like a strain that u can always feel. When I entered the supermarket I noticed a homeless immigrant who tried to warm himself up in the corner of the store. 

[Xgamer]

day 14?

I am still mad about only one game and you know why? Because I made it interesting to me! Let me introduce you to the world of 9y/o raw game with a population of somewhat 100 people.

It`s called Sub Rosa, a funny game where you are meant to do business, but it usually turns out to be a constant shootout. That takes place in a plain boring city (a lot of glass boxes across the map)... not a city, exactly, but a ghost town. Everything is supposed to be held in 80`s, America.  Tons of black humour, toxicity, however, repulsive and repugnant, are fun. Fun if the only thing in your day isn`t playing this game 24h!

If it is so abysmal, what is its appeal? Well, I tried to be unique there, so I, instead of earrape tracks, I played 80`s hits or new orlean`s jazz to kinda fit in the atmosphere! Moreover, you can drive cars there with manual transmission, and prior to that I had passed my driving test and got my driving license! Moreover, you can have a battle of wits with other adult players, because they would not stop picking on me for my accent, so I really enjoyed those bickerings with them! I remember watching stand-up shows or roast ones to learn how to fight back in English (it was a struggle for me back then). Not to talk about marvelous in-game situations where people actually are dealing with each other! I enjoyed pulling dozens of shenanigans at those dumbbells gaining huge profit! To sum-up: my affection for jazz and my in-game performances, the self-made atmosphere of 80`s in America (I have conducted a research to make it live up to the truth), non-stop quipping, my drive for driving, and entrepreneurial escapades... GOD DAMN, I miss all of this. 

Like, since I`d moved I had a lot of benefits: independence, taste of mature life, work, relationship... but it hit me hard to say this, but I feel that I am getting the short end of the stick. It won`t stop popping up in my head. Now I clearly see that going back to hardcore gaming in Sub Rosa is not an option. There is no way back, honestly. I can never return to the point where I was leisurely, carelessly playing all day long - I have responsibilities, duties, expectations. The only question is...

Where will it end to hurt? Because I am not in my greatest shape now.

 

[Alexanderle]

@Xgamer I think you are feeling the first important sensation, which is that you cannot go back. That this is not the turning point, where you finally gonna change it. The next big point is to stop caring. Who cares, if you relapse after one month? This just means that you resisted for ONE WHOLE MONTH! Isn't this incredible? One day of relapse and then you just continue again. It is all about moving forward. It is not important, whether you are at day 6, day 14 or day 100. Yes, this is a nice accomplishment and some good measurement of your success. But the journey is so much more important. Where you are right now. You are focused too much on the feeling of "not playing". Your goal now is to focus on what you can become instead. Where you want to end up. Who you want to be.

Who do you want to become?

Edited February 24, 2020 by Alexanderle

[Xgamer]

2 hours ago, Alexanderle said:

@Xgamer I think you are feeling the first important sensation, which is that you cannot go back. That this is not the turning point, where you finally gonna change it. The next big point is to stop caring. Who cares, if you relapse after one month? This just means that you resisted for ONE WHOLE MONTH! Isn't this incredible? One day of relapse and then you just continue again. It is all about moving forward. It is not important, whether you are at day 6, day 14 or day 100. Yes, this is a nice accomplishment and some good measurement of your success. But the journey is so much more important. Where you are right now. You are focused too much on the feeling of "not playing". Your goal now is to focus on what you can become instead. Where you want to end up. Who you want to be.

Who do you want to become?

@Alexanderle, I have chosen to become a more sensible person around 60 days before, but I still cannot get over the feeling of great loss. That I want to play and that I can`t, otherwise it would lead to a disaster. I know I sound like a crybaby! People suffer from much more serious and intricate predicaments, I`ve heard of it. But you can notice that I do not come here daily, because this is my resort, the second I can feel craving spoiling my mood.

But all of this is not an answer to a simple question: What do I want to be? Where do I want to end up?

[DaBest]

14 hours ago, Xgamer said:

Where will it end to hurt? Because I am not in my greatest shape now.

That's a good question. I'm not entirely sure. 

Things hurt less when we have full lives and don't have time to ruminate on bad things. 

The feelings will die down in time, though they will come back periodically no matter what. You just have to build a life that stops you from doing the things that make your life worse, like video games. 

That's the hard part though. It's easy to say, but harder to do--I have enough struggles with this, but to the extent that I've changed, I can say this seems true.