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TheNewMe2.0's Journal - A Better Life


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13 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

I am grateful for my client, meetings, ankle, pain in left ankle, constipation, doctor, ow pain, poetry, writing, and Jesus.

????? Why are you grateful for pain and constipation?

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Day 234 NP 197 Np 188 Med 173 NF 73

Positives: My neck's doing better, I'm drinking 64oz of water and trying to workout. 

My neck's doing a lot better now. I don't think about it very much so thank God for that. I'm drinking more water now as per my doctors recommendation. It makes me get up at night to pee though so I dunno if I want to continue. I've really got to try though because my constipation is kind of bad right now. I'm trying to squat today. Last time it kind of hurt my back. So I'll try not going so low on them. Still I'm not sure if it's going to work or not. If I can't squat I'll have emaciated legs though so I hope I can manage. 

Life: Moving is happening today and tomorrow. We're bringing stuff into the house today with our cars. And tomorrow we're hiring people to help us move everything into the house. It's going to be a big move. We're moving to a lower income area unfortunately. But it's a quieter neighborhood and I Get a bigger room. I hope we don't rent it out to too many people so I can keep more privacy. It's right next to my work office so that'll make anything I have to do near the office easier. I might be looking to change my therapist. My current one hasn't been showing up to our scheduled meetings so this might be a good excuse to get a new one. I'm kind of a serial therapy person. I jump from therapist to therapist and they don't want me doing that. I understand. But if she's not going to show up then maybe it's okay to change. Plus the move is another reason.

I smiled at Chinese duck for lunch. Yum!

I accomplished going to the bathroom

I am grateful for duck, bathrooms, tile, bleach, cleaners, paper towels, cleanliness, godliness, veggies and soy sauce.

God bless

Erik

ive been having to see my old gaming laptop left out each day because my moms using the living room as her office during the move. It’ll end by tomorrow though so thankfully that temptation will go away. The constipation is possibly getting better I think I hope it improves

 

 

Edited by Erik2.0
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9 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

????? Why are you grateful for pain and constipation?

That's a very good question. I think I'm just trying to be grateful for the bad things in my life because in some round about way they might be helpful. Kind of like the 'In everything God works to the good of those who love him' verse. So I guess I'm figuring that he'll somehow use these things for good and thus it would be good to be grateful even for the bad things. 

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Day 235 NP 198 Np 189 Med 174 NF 74

Positive: moving is moving along.

Well. Today is the big move day. We've got the beds and all the large things going out in a 20 ft u haul. At this point. I'm kind of just like, 'Why are we even moving?' I don't really see the point or reason for the move. My mom got a good deal on the new house I suppose. But really I don't see much of a reason for the move. I think it's just her habit of moving kicking in. She moves every year to a new house or place. At least that's what she says. Anyways I want to keep my post short today because I think I left my charger at a friends house unfortunately. So my laptop is about to die. I hope everyone's doing well. And I wish everyone a good day and to recover nicely.

I smiled at the movers

I accomplished helping move

I am grateful for movers, god, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, positivity, gratitude, water, refrigeration, shoes and socks.

God bless

Erik

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I would say, look for a new therapist is the current one is not showing up for your meetings. That is just ridiculous. Why does she do that? Moving can be quite stressful, but you can look at the positives as you mentioned, a bigger room, closer to your office and you can organize your things in a new way. I personally like that, but I am not sure if other so I might be wrong on the last one. 

All in all, that is not that much water to get through in a day. It is good to hear that it seems to help too, I would say keep the habit going but maybe try to shift it to more water in the morning/day and then limit the volume in the evening. Waking up for the bathroom can be annoying, so this is probably the best way to combat it. Squats are great exercise and worth doing, but they require a lot of mobility for the full range of motion. You can try sumo squats, which are slightly easier on hip/ankle flexibility or Bulgarian split squat, which is easier in terms of flexibility requirements, but in no way is it an easy exercise. The nice thing about it that it can be plenty for a workout even with just bodyweight. Lunges are a good option too. If you do loaded squats try doing a front squat, which might be a bit harder, but I think it forces you to have a good posture, limiting the strain on your back. I personally prefer it compared to back squat for the same reason. 

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@Marek I don't know why the current therapist does that. The meeting just shows up as cancelled with no explanation. Yeah I'm sort of settling into my new place. I hope it makes me a happier better person from the move. I'll look into sumo and Bulgarian squats. I was not doing well with front squats when I tried. The balancing the bar on your shoulders and chest was too awkward for me. I have to do sumo deadlift for my back. Maybe sumo squat will workout the same way and be okay with my back. That'd be nice. Thanks for the recommendations. I'm trying for 64oz of water at least per day. Because of the constipation I'm trying to skip breakfast and just drink Metamucil instead. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Hope you're doing well friend.

Day 236 NP 199 Np 190 Med 175 NF 75

Positive: I can sit on both sides of my couch again.

Okay this explanation won't make sense to most people and that's okay. Just understand I have schizoaffective disorder so my reality doesn't match most peoples reality that well. At the old house my couch was near a door leading to the basement. I didn't feel comfortable with the woman who lived in the basement so I would sit on the side of the couch furthest from her door. The left side of the couch became my home. Now that we've moved. It's the opposite for which side is closest to the basement. But if I'm lucky neither side will be an issue. Either way the right side is now the best side of the couch to sit on. It's firmer because I haven't sat on it in a year, it's closer to the wall socket and further from the kitchen. So this is sort of a nice change. I have basically transferred to the other side of the couch. Haha. But I can sit on either side now which is great for better symmetry. I'm hoping to get a recliner in here and set it up with a tv in a study area for myself downstairs. If I pull it off that would mean enjoying tv and reading in a separate room from the kitchen (where the girls congregate). That would be awesome and so much nicer and more private. Ahh. I would set it up in my room to have maximum privacy, but putting a recliner in the downstairs is the best option for moving that giant thing. Plus it's just nice to get out of your room. I don't want to sit in my room all day long. I like to get downstairs and chill at least.

Life: I went for a run today and ran a whole mile. Yeah. Go me. It took me 11:44 to run. It's a far cry from my 5:23 middle school mile. But I'm happy that I even made it that far. My goal was to run a half a mile continuously. The nike run club app worked well with the new running belt I bought to hold it. God willing there will be more running in my future and improved times. My next goal will be to run 1.25 miles. I'm focusing more on the distance than the time for now. I'd like to get up to I don't know 3-4 miles before starting to try to get the time faster. I'm really happy and excited about being able to run. I thought I was stuck without it but it seems there's hope yet for me to do this. Hope everyone's doing well and having fun.

Oh yeah. We're officially moved in as of yesterday. I got my bed and everything here in bags/boxes. The girls did a great job of unpacking the kitchen. Thank God for their minor obsession with food. I'm increasing my Metamucil intake to six scoops a day which is the max recommended dosage. I'm desperate so. . . if this doesn't work I'll have to increase to a more potent laxative like miralax. I'm hoping the Metamucil works out well enough . . . shoot. Anyways. The new house is great. It's bigger, the ac runs cold, we're close to Costco and Walmart. I mostly like how much space there is. I'm going to get to have a nice study to myself with windows to the front and side yard. Also it's much quieter here. There's no apartment complex across the street or noisy kids playing basketball next door. I love quiet. I want it to be quiet all the time. 
 

I smiled at metamucil

I accomplished running a mile in the morning

I am grateful for mom, dad, god, Jesus, ths, dolly, cardboard boxes, my new home, the big part of the move being over, and organic turkey bacon which I will buy soon from Whole Foods another thing I'm grateful for because the old Whole Foods had a guy I didn't like seeing so I get a clean slate with this Whole Foods yeah.

God bless

Erik

Edited by Erik2.0
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I'm glad the move went well and I think you should be proud of yourself for overcoming your issues with the girls. I told you they'd be good friends after a while. This is a huge development with you. Take time to reflect on that to show that you are in control of your mentality after all. 

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8 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

I didn't feel comfortable with the woman who lived in the basement so I would sit on the side of the couch furthest from her door.

That's scary! 😅😂 

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@BooksandTrees Yeah I've gotten better at tolerating them. I wouldn't say we're good friends. But I am friendly with them and enjoy talking to them sometimes. And definitely enjoy their food for me. So yeah I have come a long way. Thanks . 

@chiliflavor Haha, I'm weird like that. Glad she's gone 😄 

Day 237 NP 200 Np 191 Med 176 NF 76

Positive: Yeah 200 days no porn! And I'm moving into the basement. 

Woo go me. 200 days off the porn. This one has been less difficult than quitting gaming although sometimes I have felt tempted. For the most part thoughts of porn don't bother me much on a daily basis. I'm glad I quit that and have been off it for a while now. 8 months game free in 3 days 🙂 I'm moving into the basement because it's quieter, darker for sleep and colder for sleep. I like that it's more private and away from the rest of the house too. It's so nice being down there enjoying the peace and quiet. I feel refreshed from being down there and reading for just 20 minutes. I can't wait till I get a recliner and my tv down there. It'll be awesome. Maybe we'll get a giant tv in the living room so we can entertain guests on the tv. But I don't mind if tv is just a solitary thing for me at home. I'll be pretty happy with my setup once I get a recliner down there. I just hope the process isn't too difficult. 

I smiled at the sky

I accomplished fasting 16 hours *no breakfast.

I am grateful for the sky, fasting, breakfast, lunch, dinner, mom, god, Jesus, ths, carpet, and rugs.

God bless

Erik

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Hi!

I have tried to catch up on your posts. I am so glad you are running! That is super awesome. I wish you could sign up for a 5k to have motivation and community, but I think so are all canceled? 
 

Years ago, when I was determined to run a  marathon... I could run/walk 15 minute miles. I had to sign up for a marathon with an extended cut off time.... most were 6 hours... I needed 7. I found out Disney hosted a 7 hour marathon and it was one of the best experiences of my life. 
 

Just keep going, doing what you can do! It’s brining joy and happiness to your life which is what matters. 
 

Sending joy to you today. 

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On 7/20/2020 at 3:38 PM, Erik2.0 said:

I don't know why the current therapist does that. The meeting just shows up as cancelled with no explanation.

That should not happen. I would say that it is worth to look for a better therapist then.

On 7/20/2020 at 3:38 PM, Erik2.0 said:

Thanks for the recommendations.

You are welcome! Let me know how any of the exercises go. Drinking a lot of water in general is good, hopefully the constipation goes away soon. That's awesome that you are starting running. With small increases like that you will be able to run a lot longer in no time. Good to see you enjoying running :). 

Sounds like you are settling well into the new house. The set up with tv and recliner sounds great. I used to have a similar set up in basement when I lived with a friend of mine. It was great especially in summer because it was cooler than the rest of the house, but surprisingly pretty warm during winter because the boiler was located there as well. And a big congratulations on the 200 days off porn. That is a huge milestone!

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@Icandothis Hey, thanks for checking out my posts. That's amazing you completed a marathon. Those are so long. I'm pretty much done after running a mile. I'm pretty happy and feel accomplished whenever I run. It's cool. I'm pretty tired from it today, but feel like I've recovered from the initial fatigue by now (12pm). I hope to hear about you running/walking in the future. Wishing you a great day.

@Marek Thanks Marek. I drank over 80oz of water yesterday no problem. It's so hot out it makes me want to drink water often. I hope I'll be able to run farther in time. It was about all I could do to run a mile and walk a mile today. I looked up those squats, I might try the sumo version. I gotta figure out a way to squat without back pain. I hope the constipation goes away soon too. I'm drinking 80oz of water and 4 teaspoons Metamucil a day to try to fix it. Still it'll be like 3 days before I go sometimes. I'll probably get to try out my neighbors free recliner today and see if I want to move it in. The other option is to get a recliner from Costco which is kind of more attractive. Because they have some nice leather recliners there. yeah I just tried it and that free recliners no good. I'm not sure if I want to setup the tv in the basement or just in the study on the base floor level. It'd be a lot easier to move a recliner into the base floor.

Day 238 NP 201 Np 192 Med 177 NF 77

Positive: I'm still running.

I went for my mile run and mile walk today. So that's good. It's great that I'm able to get out and run in the mornings. I'm trying to get up 15 minutes earlier and just deal with the sleepy feeling. I'm still meditating 10 minutes every morning. It's become a really good and helpful habit. My most consistent sort of self-care habit. And I use it pretty often too. 

I smiled at deer

I accomplished fasting till about 1pm

I am grateful for deer, fasting, getting up early, meditation, running, walking, cool morning weather, water, and Disney.

God bless

Erik

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Good stuff! I go through so much water on these warmer days too. Not to mention if you add some exercise and running 64oz will seem like nothing haha. You will! It just takes time, but if you make a habit out of it, the results will come in no time. For me personally, the beginning was probably the biggest struggle, but once I was able to push through it, it got a lot easier to keep running for longer distances. 

17 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

I'm not sure if I want to setup the tv in the basement or just in the study on the base floor level. It'd be a lot easier to move a recliner into the base floor.

I see. I think it might be worth considering where you will be the happiest with the recliner. Even though it might be a pain to get it down to the basement, it might be better in the long run, but that is up to you. Probably the best to put it in a place that you would enjoy the most and then just deal with moving it there. After all, you will need to move it there only once. Morning meditation is a great habit.

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@Marek Thanks. I'm supposed to lift this morning but felt too fatigued. I'm giving it a few hours before I go for it again. It's helpful to know that you had to push through too when you were starting out. As for the basement I think I might be happier with the recliner down there. I like how cold it is. I still might move my bed down there, but I'm not sure. Because the AC makes noise down there when it's running and I don't know if I could deal with that noise and still sleep. So I'm hoping to get like a cheap little folding mattress and test it out. Supposedly my mom has one. But almost for sure I'd like the recliner down there. I like that cold.

Day 239 NP 202 Np 193 Med 178 NF 78

Positive: Tomorrow is 8 months. And I have a house to live in. 

I'm happy to be cresting over into eight months tomorrow. One day one month at a time. As I slowly move towards one year. I'm trying to stay positive and grateful for my new home. It smells like dogs because the previous owner had three. And the AC isn't working right now because it has condensation. Hopefully these issues can clear up. I don't really know if the smell will go away ever. That would be too bad. Well...that makes the basement a more attractive option as it doesn't need AC. The only concern I have is it seemed to be kind of noisy down there while running the AC because there's a lot of equipment down there. So I don't know if I could sleep while it's running. I'll have to test it out sometime. But I could see recliner down there. Maybe not the bed though. We'll see. Still I'm grateful to have a place to live at all. And it is nice and big. 

I smiled at my water bottle

I accomplished drinking 40oz of water in the morning.

I am grateful for water, bottle, drinking water, house, fly swatter, bed, recliner, basement, options, and life.

God bless

Erik

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If it smells like dogs you can replace the dry wall in all the rooms and repaint them, or you can treat the dry wall with chemicals like people do to remove smoke from cigarettes in houses. 

New carpeting works as well. 

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@BooksandTrees We're trying to get the carpets washed by some company. Maybe we can look into dry wall treatments too. 

Day 240 NP 203 Np 194 Med 179 NF 79

Positive: 8 months clean today. 

Yeah 8 months clean. Good for me. Still quitting games and taking names. It's amazing to me that we live a whole life one day at a time. Not really knowing what's in store, just trusting the process and doing our best each day. A life is a long time even though they say it's short too. I'm kind of tired today. I tried playing a board game last night with the girls and although it was fun it made me feel like I was obsessing over the game. I think I'm going to continue not playing board games. Which brings me to my supervisor. Who demands I do something different with client just to please her including for example board games. Blah. She wants to hear about something other than the usual mindfulness and gratitude journaling. So. . . I guess I'll talk about doing other things now. Got a meeting with her today at 11. Still trying to quit ice cream unsuccessfully. I just feel like I look fatter lately and it makes me want to stop. 

I'm seriously kind of out of it today. Maybe it was the board game. Who knows. Ah. I just want to try to get through the day as best I can. I've got a work training at 130 too. Other than those two things I don't have anything to do for work today. So that's pretty chill. My skin broke out lately. I think it might be due to a change in face wash. So I'm going to go to Walmart today to try to find my old face wash and use that. They have a fancier brand that cost twice as much for the same type of product. It's tempting but I think I'll stay with what I've been using. If it aint broke don't fix it. 

I smiled at my face wash

I accomplished fasting so far till 12

I am grateful for face wash, fasting, food, bananas, water, bread, milk, eggs, cheese, and pizza, 

God bless

Erik

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On 7/23/2020 at 3:31 PM, Erik2.0 said:

@Marek Thanks. I'm supposed to lift this morning but felt too fatigued. I'm giving it a few hours before I go for it again. It's helpful to know that you had to push through too when you were starting out. As for the basement I think I might be happier with the recliner down there. I like how cold it is. I still might move my bed down there, but I'm not sure. Because the AC makes noise down there when it's running and I don't know if I could deal with that noise and still sleep. So I'm hoping to get like a cheap little folding mattress and test it out. Supposedly my mom has one. But almost for sure I'd like the recliner down there. I like that cold.

The beginnings are always the hardest, but with a little bit of consistency, everything is possible. I looked back at my first runs, and most of them were not much longer than one mile and even those, for the most part, I have not run in one go. I implemented a lot of walking into it too. If you remember, my habit was called walk/run. Well, it actually still is, but unless I go for a hike, I do not count walking much. I would recommend looking online at some videos on breathing and running form. They helped me a lot, and once I improved those things I was able to run for much longer. That is a good idea to test it out. The noise might not be as distracting, kinda like a white noise in the background. But unless you try you won't know. 

Congratulations on the 8 months! That is amazing. Don't worry, we all have bad days once in a while. But that much better the next one can be. I know it is easy to say from an outside perspective (I know how grumpy I get when things do not get as I planned them out in a day), but still making tomorrow better than today is the best way to overcome it. I feel you with the face wash. It is always tempting new stuff but at the end of the day if it works no point changing it. I recently bought a new hair wax as the old ones run out. Two days later, I ordered the one that I used before haha. 

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@Marek Haha, that hair wax. It's not easy to find products that work with us. So when we do it's kind of good to keep them around. My work is like that. It's a rare place where I actually feel relatively comfortable doing my job. So I'm holding onto my job and not looking for another one. 8 months is great. I'll probably make a celebrations post when I hit 9 months. Man. It feels like the days go slow. Maybe because I've got them on a counter I don't know. Maybe because game quitting is actually difficult. I'll see what I can do about finding running tutorials on breathing/form. That'd be cool if they help. 

Yesterday was definitely a bad day. I was all upset from trying to chat with people. Three people in a row told me a bunch of advice that I didn't want to take and wasn't good for me to do at all. But they were being super pushy about it and I was just totally fed up with the situation. It sucked. Today's going to be better. Because I don't have any work and don't have to interact with anyone if I don't want to. So it'll be a chill day.

Day 241 NP 204 Np 195 Med 180 NF 80

Positive: My housemates cooking is good.

I've gotten used to getting treated to a homecooked meal finished with cubed fruit at the end. It's really kind of decadent. But every night my housemate makes my mom and I dinner with fruit at the end. She'll be leaving in 17 days. So I'll get used to our much more meager rations style. Which I'm kind of looking forward too because I've just been too stuffed lately every night. I'm kind of out of it right now. Maybe because I just did squats and I'm slowly increasing weight so they're difficult. I'm looking forward to eating my first meal of the day at 1pm.

I smiled at my tv stand.

I accomplished setting up my tv

I am grateful for my tv stand, tv, roku, remote, power strip, black electric tape, laptop charger, laptop, hair and skin

God bless

Erik

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Day 242 NP 205 Np 196 Med 181 NF 81

Positive: we are fixing the house

We got house keys made yesterday. I got a Yoda one. But my mind has been obsessing over the key. Thinking about it all the time. So I think I'm going to switch to a normal key. That's okay. We got a faucet head today for the kitchen sink. If it fits then we'll have a nice new faucet head. If it doesn't we'll have to deal with amazon returns. I don't like returning things through kohl's but I do it. Something about the returns process is very uncomfortable for me. Those clerks are always kind of pissed or something.

I smiled at the fact that I have access to the thermostat at night now.

I accomplished setting my alarm to get up

I am grateful for thermostat, alarm, keys, faucet, bible, proverbs, memorizing scripture, tv cover/doily, rug and power strip.

God bless

Erik

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Day 243 NP 206 Np 197 Med 182 NF 82

Positive: carpet cleanings done.

Well. Some people came and cleaned the carpet, again. I don't know if it'll help with the dog smell. Seems like they'll have to replace the carpet entirely to get rid of it maybe. I don't think the smell is going to be reduced by the cleaning enough. So that's unfortunate. Also my work has issued some training that isn't working because I registered with the wrong email. Trying to resolve that now with the people who work on it. I'm still fasting. Hungrily awaiting my first meal now. 3 hours away till 1pm. I guess I was supposed to run according to my schedule. But I pretty much haven't had the energy to run at all lately. I run like 5 steps and can't go anymore. I don't know if I'm able to do it I guess. Walking is probably all I can do for now then. Or I'll just default back to yoga. That's okay. I can stay inside this way. I'm rewatching supergirl. It's even better the second time. I like that show. I've got a doily over my tv so I can sort of detach from it while I'm doing other things. It's working pretty well. The first girl leaves in 15 days. Yes I'm counting down. I'll miss the food but, the girls not so much. 

Edit: I've been struggling a lot lately. And having thoughts about gaming. Cravings even. I'm trying to just spend more time on the forum to try to deal with my cravings. Watching Cam's videos on YouTube helps too. He's really inspiring. But I feel like kind of a failure as a game quitter because I failed to make friends and a girlfriend so far. Also I feel like I'm not making any progress in those areas of my life. I don't feel like there's much that I can do. I can't read the literature on girls or go on dating/friend apps. I'm pretty much at a loss for what to do socially at this point in my life. That's too bad. 

I smiled at the girls leaving

I accomplished moving the tv

I am grateful for girls leaving, tv, god, hardwood floor, drywall, carpet cleaning, pictures, lamp, notebook and poems.

God bless

Erik

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7 minutes ago, Erik2.0 said:

I'm rewatching supergirl.

The Danver's are so hot! Now that you mentioned, I'm putting it on my to watch (again) haha!! Congrats on 8 months! 😁

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On 7/25/2020 at 5:03 PM, Erik2.0 said:

@Marek Haha, that hair wax. It's not easy to find products that work with us. So when we do it's kind of good to keep them around. My work is like that. It's a rare place where I actually feel relatively comfortable doing my job. So I'm holding onto my job and not looking for another one. 8 months is great. I'll probably make a celebrations post when I hit 9 months. Man. It feels like the days go slow. Maybe because I've got them on a counter I don't know. Maybe because game quitting is actually difficult. I'll see what I can do about finding running tutorials on breathing/form. That'd be cool if they help. 

That is true, I have been using this one for quite a while, and I remember how happy I was when I found it because most of the others did not work well with my hair. Yet I still was interested in change. But no point doing that if it still works well. That is good to hear. I always like the saying, "Do what you like, and you won't have to work a single day in your life." It is hard to achieve it, but it is true considering how much time we spend working. I can only imagine how bad it must be for people that work in a job they hate. Oh really? I feel the opposite lately. The days seem to just fly by. I think it might be mainly because most of my days are quite similar due to routines and I am quite busy. For sure, give it a try, it did help me a lot. 

Hopefully, the next cleanup helps with the smell; if not that sucks, I guess, but on the positive side, you can pick a carpet that you would like. How is the fasting working out for you so far? Sorry to hear about struggling with running, don't worry mate! You can get back into it, even if you go only once a week and then other days you just walk that I a huge improvement too. The cravings are rough. But remember how far you have got and there were worse times too which you have overcome so you can come out victorious this time too! Unfortunately, this year is not helping it, meeting people got so much more difficult, but I am sure you will find someone in time.

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22 hours ago, Marek said:

That is true, I have been using this one for quite a while, and I remember how happy I was when I found it because most of the others did not work well with my hair. Yet I still was interested in change. But no point doing that if it still works well. That is good to hear. I always like the saying, "Do what you like, and you won't have to work a single day in your life." It is hard to achieve it, but it is true considering how much time we spend working. I can only imagine how bad it must be for people that work in a job they hate. Oh really? I feel the opposite lately. The days seem to just fly by. I think it might be mainly because most of my days are quite similar due to routines and I am quite busy. For sure, give it a try, it did help me a lot. 

Hopefully, the next cleanup helps with the smell; if not that sucks, I guess, but on the positive side, you can pick a carpet that you would like. How is the fasting working out for you so far? Sorry to hear about struggling with running, don't worry mate! You can get back into it, even if you go only once a week and then other days you just walk that I a huge improvement too. The cravings are rough. But remember how far you have got and there were worse times too which you have overcome so you can come out victorious this time too! Unfortunately, this year is not helping it, meeting people got so much more difficult, but I am sure you will find someone in time.

Yeah I don't wax but I think it looks good when people wax their hair. I might go shaved head soon because I don't want to pay for haircuts. Honestly even if I was my own boss and was doing what I like I think I'd still prefer to just chill and do nothing. It's just so great to not have to do anything or answer to anyone. Still I'm glad I do something I like. That must totally suck to not like your job at all. I think my days are going slow because I don't have anything to do. My work has slowed down to a crawl. I'm lucky if I work one hour per week. 

It'll cost like 1000 to replace them, but I think that's worth it to get rid of the smell. I will see about running. I went for a brief walk this morning so that's good. Afterwards I don't want to do anything though because I feel really hot. It's so hot here this summer. Like over 90 everyday. Hopefully running happens for me but I'd be satisfied if I could just at least walk regularly. Thanks for the encouragement on game quitting. I have gotten through tougher times with quitting and I'll get through this one too. Totally, socializing isn't really happening as much anymore. I didn't really have any prospects before CV though either.

 

Day 244 NP 207 Np 198 Med 183 NF 83

Positive: Free brownies

My housemate has bought and made brownies for us to eat. Yay. I would eat mine with ice cream but I already had some baklava today so I'm going to take it easy. Still it's nice to have some home made brownies. I'll miss getting all this food made for me on a regular basis. I won't miss the extra fat on my tummy or noise in the house. I was thinking about getting a recliner to set up in the room next to my living room. I would only use it as something to be used occasionally so I could get away from the distraction of the tv and spend more time reading. So it would be in a seldom used room by itself 'just in case' I wanted to use it sometime for tv. My mom said that's an expensive just in case as I was looking into Lazboy recliners. I think that's a fair statement. Still they have some nice recliners over there. I'd like to get one for my just in case room. I could even use it regularly if I really wanted to. For reading and such and such. Oh well. I can make due with what we have. It's already a pretty nice setup. My couch is really good. Although my mom wants a new one. I ate some fries today. Now I don't feel like doing anything. I think the two are correlated. I still have to do a little workout today. But I'm not feeling that up for it since I injured my back yesterday trying to stretch too much. Bah. Won't be doing that stretch anymore. 

I smiled at brownies 

I accomplished driving mom around 

I am grateful for brownies, mom, driving, clients, actually meeting with clients, water, bottle, My couch, pen, pencil, and power strip.

God bless

Erik

Edited by Erik2.0
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Day 245 NP 208 Np 199 Med 184 NF 84

Positive: trying to keep my routine going

Okay so. My routine is. Read bible, post on GQ, journal, write poetry, read, exercise. Then I'm allowed to watch tv. Sometimes I feel too dead to do all that and watch tv anyways without finishing the routine. But I'm doing my best to complete as much of the routine as possible. Especially the exercise portion before turning on the tube. 

Life: My sink has low water pressure so it's difficult to wash my water bottle. Darn. I guess it'll just take longer to wash it out is all. I ate fries yesterday. I didn't think it would be a big deal. But my heart hurt for hours into the night as I tried to sleep. It was pretty painful. I'm not going to eat deep fried foods again if I can help it. I'm moving my couch setup once my mom appears. This way it'll have less glare on the screen while watching it which will be most welcome. 

I smiled at the American flag on my house.

I accomplished drinking water

I am grateful for American flags, America, water, my thermos, poetry book, pillow thoughts by Courtney peppernell, lamp, plants, socks and toenails.

God bless

Erik

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  • stabi changed the title to TheNewMe2.0's Journal - A Better Life

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