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Gaming the System 006 - James' First 30 Days As a Digital Nomad in Thailand!

RB1

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  1. Hi all. I just made a post in my journal saying I'm considering seeing a therapist for many reasons, but primarily to discuss my addiction to video games. Throughout my life I've considered therapy for many reasons other than my problem with gaming, but have always shied away from it. I've always felt weird reaching out to a therapist about my issues since I have a hard time discussing them even with friends or family. Honestly, I feel even stranger reaching out to one to speak about my problem with gaming since it's not a problem taken as seriously as other addictions. I'm just wondering if anyone in the community has spoken with a professional about this problem in the past and what their experience was like with it?
  2. RB1

    Starting Over

    I know I botched it real hard on my 2nd and 3rd attempts and was thinking last night how I can prove to myself and others how serious I am about this, this time around. I decided if I relapse on this attempt, I'm going to go see a therapist. I seriously am considering going out to see one anyways, to get help with my gaming problem and for many other reasons. Till now I thought it would be embarrassing or just plain stupid to go see a therapist to discuss video game addiction. I had a conversation recently with someone recently in his late twenties who said he had a terrible addiction to league of legends and ended up seeing a therapist since it was affecting his marriage. He said he never wouldn't have been able to quit hadn't he talked to his therapist. It's frustrating since I've dealt and cut out a multiplicity of other addictions and bad habits in my life and wouldn't have been embarrassed to speak with a therapist about those things just because they have worse of a stigma to their names. Gaming has been impossible for me to cut out on my own and is by far the most destructive addiction for me personally. I know I shouldn't feel embarrassed to reach out, but I still am a little. To anyone reading this, have you ever spoken to a professional about gaming addiction and how did it impact you?
  3. RB1

    Starting Over

    Day 0: Take 1 - 43 days Take 2 & 3 - barely any days. Couldn't get back into it. Gonna follow though this time. No watching gaming content. No gaming solo. No gaming with friends. I had a tough time giving up gaming with friends before, but I'm ready this time. If they really are good friends they'd understand. I need to do this. Gonna start this up again from tomorrow.
  4. RB1

    RB's Log (Take 3)

    Day 1 - 9/5/2019 gaming free - X (watched some content) exercise - √ healthy eating breakfast - √ lunch - X dinner - √ reading/studies - √ socialized - X youtube < 1hr total - X (2hr) proper sleep (at least 7 hours) - X other (morning meditation, night time meditation, night time stretches, in bed at reasonable hour) - X 4/10
  5. RB1

    RB's Log (Take 3)

    Day 1 - 9/5/2019 gaming free - √ exercise - X healthy eating breakfast - √ lunch - X dinner - √ reading/studies - √ socialized - √ youtube < 1hr total - X (1hr 30min) proper sleep (at least 7 hours) - X other (morning meditation, night time meditation, night time stretches, in bed at reasonable hour) - X Decent mood. Few cravings. 5/10
  6. RB1

    RB's Log (Take 3)

    Took care of yesterdays problems. The outcome sucked, but wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I'm still extremely mad at myself and don't even feel like I wanna write at all in this journal. I'm just gonna make a score card for each day containing a list of things that if I follow, would mean I had a satisfying day by my own standards. Its not even much, but I just want to find some consistency in my life and see how I can keep up with it. That list: gaming free - exercise - healthy eating breakfast - lunch - dinner - reading/studies - socialized - youtube < 1hr total - proper sleep (at least 7 hours) - other (morning meditation, night time meditation, night time stretches, in bed at reasonable hour) - Mood: Just gonna track these things to see how I do. Will post the previous days score after every day. Score: /10
  7. Day 0 - 9/4/2019 I'm back. Again. Been driving myself insane for the past two weeks. I left just two days ago thinking fuck it, I'm just gonna do what I want when I want to. Play games whenever live life however. I thought I'd be back in 2-3 months maybe, but here I am again. I've been gaming 8+ hours a day for the days I've allowed myself to in the past two weeks. As a result, I neglected a very important responsibility that I've been pushing off that I've literally reminded myself every day for the past two weeks I'd get to. Well it was really far in the back of my mind for the past few days, almost forgetting about it. I remembered about it this morning and said I'd take care of it after breakfast. After breakfast, I ended up playing some games. Got lunch, said I'd take care of it after lunch, then played some more games. That lasted until about an hour ago which is when I remembered about that responsibility I had. Looked at the letter regarding the matter, and realized I'm past the deadline to take care of it. I thought I had another week to take care of it, but it was actually due today by 5pm. If I wasn't dicking around playing video games, I could've taken care of it easy. I wasn't gonna say what I did, but actually I want to be upfront. I got a speeding ticket a few months ago and today was the deadline. I kept on saying I'd pay it later and now it's the deadline. I thought it was due a week from today so I neglected it till now. Decided I'd pay it tomorrow and took a look at the ticket after a long time. I looked at it at 6pm and I had till 5pm today to pay for it. I'd been gaming since 12pm. I'm so disgusted with myself. This is the first time I've neglected a responsibility this important, but I've done similar things numerous times in the past. Pushing off important things till the last second, saying i'd do it later so I can game. So done with myself. So unbelievable sick of my own bullshit, my childishness, my irresponsibility, and most of all, my utter weakness. So I'm back. I have to do this. Every time I go back to gaming my life goes to total shit. Anyways I'm back. Rules this time. No watching gaming content No playing games solo No playing games period, even with friends (unlike what I was saying for my 2nd detox) It's time for a change.
  8. RB1

    Journal

    Sorry guys, can't do it. I keep saying i'll step up my game, but then relapse immediately after. Too mentally weak, don't know what to do or how to approach this. I'm doing what I said initially in my first detox. I keep lying to myself. It's just making it worse on me. So sick of my own bullshit. Going insane listening to my own bullshit. I need to stay away from this and maybe do personal journaling or maybe focus on fixing other aspects of my life that are easier to fix. Honestly I don't know what's gonna help me at this point. Maybe I need to find someone to speak to about this all in person. All I know is I don't wanna commit right now since I know whatever I say is gonna be bull shit and I'm just gonna break whatever promise I make immediately. Hope everyone else's detoxes are working for them. I'll be back sometime. Don't know when this time, but whether its a week month or a few months, I'll be back sometime. I just need to take a step back from the GQ forums for now. Best of luck to yall.
  9. Hey, just wanted to ask how the detox has been going? Based on your posts it seems like its been going pretty well man! I was wondering what you've been doing to replace the time you used to watch gaming content? I know mentioned this briefly in a comment before, but I was just wondering if you've been able to find anything for you personally that has been able to replace that activity?
  10. Just wanna say good work man! I've been following your journal here and there and wanted to say its truly inspiring! I'm hoping to hit that 90 day mark and go beyond it myself honestly. Just wanted to ask how you feel after being 113 days gaming free?
  11. RB1

    Journal

    And just to be transparent, my detox this time around is focused around staying away from watching gaming content. Below is what I'm considering to be part of my detox: ***No watching gaming content on youtube, twitch, twitter, or on any other platform No gaming alone or online at home I CAN however play games with friends when side by side someone away from home.
  12. RB1

    Journal

    Day 6: (0, 0) Honestly. I relapsed again today. I decided early in the day I didn't want to do my detox anymore. I than just binge watched about 3-4 hours of gaming content. My craving brain successfully convinced myself that if I allowed myself to use my hour of youtube time a day to watch gaming content, than I wouldn't have these cravings and would be productive for the rest of the day. Then it successfully convinced me that if I add twitch into the hour of gaming videos a day, it would be the same thing so that would be ok. I watched gaming videos for an hour after waking up, then went to do some productive things. After I was done with all that, I had more and more cravings so I took the easy measures it takes to get around the restrictive website blockers that I set for myself to watch more gaming content. I can't keep losing this argument with my brain. It sounds so convincing in the moment, but I'm always left disappointed after I let it convince me that a bit of gaming wont lead to more. Well, I was gonna give up on the detox all together, but I decided, no, I'll continue with it. I know this means that I'm supposed to reset back to day 1, but for this occasion I'm not going to. I know its against the rules of the website, but it's what I want to do. When I get through the 90 day detox, I'll address this day and maybe extend my detox for 5 more days or something to compensate. I also want to make a template for my posts that I see some other people do. I don't think I'll use the same template, but I just wanna make a little check list of the things I successfully did during the day like meditation, exercise, cook a healthy meal, etc. Sorry about the relapse yall, but I'm gonna get right back to it this time. No break between my last relapse and detox like last time. I want to say I'm as determined as ever, but honestly I'm not. But I want to prove to myself that even without that feeling of determination that I have the discipline to go through with this.
  13. RB1

    Journal

    Keys to Success for this detox: Limit youtube to an hour a day and block it between 12am-12pm. Start skateboarding again So I have a physical activity that I want to do To use as an outlet for when I get cravings To reconnect with old friends and spend time with people who aren't gamers Work out the first thing in the morning at least three days a week Meditate for 5-10 minutes before going to bed and when waking up Morning meditation - clear my mind Nighttime meditation - remind myself why I'm doing this detox, what I'm going to do tomorrow, and to get out of bed immediately to meditate and exercise Plan out my next day in my iPhone calendar right my nighttime meditation ***NEVER plan to do any work or activities at home. ALWAYS plan work and activities somewhere outside of home. (I've proven to myself enough times that I don't have the capability of being productive or honest with myself when I am at home. Plus it is where I am most likely to experience cravings and where my brain begins to bargain with itself to take a quick and harmless, "gaming break." I think if I can successfully execute these the above, my detox will be much more successful than last. By successful, I mean both that I will stick to the detox, and the value of my detox will be greater.
  14. RB1

    Journal

    Day 5: Decent day. Felt tired throughout, but got more independent studying done.
  15. RB1

    Journal

    Day 4: Good day today! Got some studying in and saw my friends. If I topped that off with a good workout, I'd be much more proud of my day. Maybe tomorrow :)
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