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RB1

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  1. RB1

    Final Detox

    11/8/2020 I just wanted to check in to share an awesome feature of a website limiting tool I found today. Outside of gaming itself, I've had this struggle of using sites like twitch, twitter, and youtube excessively. I used many site blocking tools, but I've had the most success with one called "StayFocused" since it allows you to set XXXXX amount of time to use sites that you want to block. (StayFocused is a google chrome extension.) I use this since blocking everything ends up in a relapse for me every single time, but the tool always had one flaw. I couldn't block youtube since I actually use youtube a ton for school/learning/education when I'm not being distracted by gaming channels. HOWEVER, I reinstalled it and found out that by blocking the URL of the root of some youtube channel you choose, it will only chew into your daily use time for videos related to that channel. In the past, by blocking any channel on youtube, it wouldn't recognize videos correlated to specific channels, but just the entirety of youtube, so once your daily set time ran out, you couldn't use youtube anymore. I'm pretty sure this was a recent update, but I just wanted others to know in case your situation is the same as mine. I don't know about you, but this is huge for me personally since I can limit just gaming channels and other time killers now and use youtube the way I actually want. Just thought I should share this information.
  2. RB1

    Final Detox

    9/30/2020 I set a series of goals between 7/1-10/1. Today's the last day of this three month period. My goals were to: -Save XXX amount of money -***Be able to do 3x10 pull-ups (wide grip), 2x50 pushups (standard pushups for mid peck), and 2x50 sit ups (***This was the most important goal to me) -Master 5 recipes for breakfast, lunch, and dinner EACH -Balance computer usage and gaming with life -Begin job hunting (I've wanted to leave my current job for a while now) Today, I am... -$200 shy of my goal financial goal (only if I didn't go on that one amazon shopping spree... So close) -Accomplished... Pull-ups 3 sets (10, 9, 9) wide grip, Push-ups (42, 37), and Sit-ups (50, 50) -Have 4 breakfast recipes, 4 lunch recipes, and 2 dinner recipes down (I botched the dinner goal haha) -Had a gaming relapse between July and August, but have been gaming free for 2 months as of today. I've been using twitch and youtube a lot, but I'm working on it. -Haven't begun the job hunt I didn't hit my goals 100%, but this is the first time I committed to a set of goals and really worked at it consistently for a set period of time. It kindof slipped my mind as time passed, but honestly I'm very proud of myself. I always bitch out at a certain point because I hit walls or since I see that I'm not going to accomplish the goal entirely, or because I'm just mentally weak, but I really kept constant this time around and made a ton of personal progress. I know I set my goals higher, but honestly am happy with the work I put into these goals and the progress I've made towards them. I kept a record of my workouts so I can see how much progress I've made since day 1. I'm feeling the most accomplished right now than I've felt in a very long time :) Now that I've worked at this set of goals for 3 months, I want to make a new set of goals for the next three... So between 10/1-1/1/2021. I might update it or move some minor details around, but here they are. Goals 10/1-1/1/2021: -Health & Mental Health Continue weightlifting. I'm happy with my fitness at the moment so I'm not trying to go as hard as I just did. I just want to maintain what I have and maybe get a bit stronger. Minor goal. Continue to skate Continue making the meals I learned to make. Maybe add a few here and there. Eat clean. Fast food/junk food no more than once a week. Continue to stay clean of gaming. Lessen time on twitch, twitter, youtube, and my computer in general. (I'll edit this or make a new entry to be more concrete once I figure out how I want to approach this.) -Programming Work on my programming chops Find a field of programming I find interesting and try enriching my skills in that area -***Employment (***most important) Quit my current job Find a new job by 1/1/2021 That's it That's really all I've got for the next three months. Its gonna be a lot so those three primary goals are going to be more than enough I think. Employment is the most important, working on my programming skills comes next, then my health of course is important, but I think I've finally just established a good rhythm with exercise and eating and I just want to maintain it. Exercise will stay important to me, but the real GOALS I want to achieve are quitting my current job, finding a new job, and working on my programming. Not sure if any of yall still read this but I hope everyone is doing well. I still want work on my bad gaming (binge watching content) habits, but I'm just glad I'm making progress over all. I'm looking forward and am actually excited how these next three months go. Hope yall are doing well.
  3. RB1

    Final Detox

    Hi, just checking in. I've stopped posting in this journal since I've finally decided that the GameQuitters method isn't right for me. I've tried it for over a year and I haven't achieved my goal, so I've began taking a different approach. I think the GameQuitters method is a great one and I've read so many success stories in various journals, but it's just not right for me. I thought for a minute that I wasted my last year trying these detoxes, but I realized that this was just one part of my long journey of self-improvement so no, I don't regret going in and out of my detoxes. I've learned a ton about myself doing them and this was just step 1 of my journey. I've gone back to the method of slowly giving up gaming for the gradual method of self improvement. I've said in many past posts that this has proven not to work for me, but I've had a lot more success this time around by finally getting out of my comfort zone and adding a few extra hobbies that I've stayed consistent with. I have successfully stayed away from video games since august first without relapsing, but I have gone back to wasting a lot of time on twitch and youtube. My strategy this time around has been to slowly introduce new hobbies into my life and staying consistent with them. Consistency has been the key factor that's led to my recent success. The way I've learned to be consistent is by doing the activities I commit to, even if it meant that I only partook in the activity for a very short amount of time that day. For example, I've been able to start skateboarding again. A lot of days I said I'd skate, I didn't want to at all. I'd dread it, but I'd force myself to even if it wasn't for the amount of time I'd initially committed my day to. For examples, I'd plan to skate 1.5-2 hours a particular day and end up skating for literally 5-10 minutes only after driving 20 minutes to the park just for the sake of consistency to build the habit. those 5-10 minute sessions on the days I didn't want to go have made a world of a difference to reinforce my new habits and hobbies. I don't feel like typing much more so I'm just going to list my successes and failures in the last month+ Success: I'm in the best physical shape I've been in the last 3 years and perhaps ever. I'm working out 4-5 times a week. My workouts aren't always intense, but just like with the skating story, I make myself do some sort of physical activity whether is the full workout that I planned ahead of time or just a shortened version of it 4-5 days a week. By just doing what I'm willing to do + some discipline, I've really been able to get back into good physical shape. Like I said, I'm skateboarding again! This has been a hobby that I've wanted to pick back up forever and I'm finally doing it. It's also helped me get out of social isolation from lockdown, which has helped my mentality a bit. I'm staring to play some music again! I'm cooking much more and eating healthy. This has had a ton of ups and downs, but I've been more consistent with this than I've probably ever been. I've given up drinking for 1-2 months I've stayed away from playing video games entirely Failures: I'm back to wasting a lot of time on twitch and youtube. I've tried to limit the amount of time I spend on the platforms, but there have been more downs than ups with this attempt. I'm back to feeling that mental fog that I'm all to familiar with because of the amount of time I spend in front of a screen, especially on a screen watching content on those platforms. I'm not meditating anymore. I was consistent with this for a while, and the habit has completely died out... That being said, I'll do a session right after this just because. I'm not reading or studying the things I said I wanted to. I made a large list of things I wanted to read and study anddddddddd I haven't gotten around to it at all. I've been lounging around way more than I should be. Despite being in great physical condition, I don't think it's effected my overall energy levels. I've thought that I've had a deficiency of energy for the last year because of my terrible physical condition. Now I'm in good shape, but I don't feel that energy I was hoping for. I've come to realize that my lack of energy is completely mental and comes form the lack of motivation to do much and a lack of passion for pretty much anything. Still working on this one I've completely given up on jogging. Fuck jogging. To Do: Stop using twitch and youtube on my laptop and only use it on my phone with a 1 hour limit to each per day. I had some success limiting my time on the platforms in the past by doing this, but this has died out and I've gone back to binging it a ton. I want to get back to trying this to maybe limit my usage. Start reading and studying the things I put down on that list. I've taken a look at it every day and haven't actually followed through with any of it. Today is the day to follow through. I'll take a crack at one of the items by the end of today. Meditate. Meditate. Meditate. It's time for another social media break. I don't know why I ever go back. My life is always 10x better the instant I delete that garbage. Actively look for new interests. Blah idk. Thanks for listening to me vent like always. Much appreciated.
  4. RB1

    Final Detox

    Day 14 - 8/13 I think that makes day 14. Well just wanted to check in since I haven't posted in a while. I've been gone, but that doesn't mean I went back to gaming. I've been real busy for the past week and a half and have just been occupied with work and school work that I've had to get done. It's taken my mind off gaming, which was nice, but now that the period of work/stress is over, I feel like I want to game again. I'm confident I'll be able to stay away from it, but that feeling just came back the other day. I've been exercising a lot and have slowly been going about my days with greater productivity and accomplishing the things I've needed/wanted to do. I've not really had the urge to post for whatever reason, but I don't think that's a problem as long as I continue to stay away from games. I think the urges will get a bit worse for the next few weeks since I'm going to have more time to myself, which always means I'll want to game. I've got things planned out to keep myself occupied this time, so I think I'll be good. That's all really. I'm glad that period of stress is passing, but I'm a little worried about the gaming urges that are about to come around.
  5. RB1

    Final Detox

    Day 3 & 4 (late post) - 8/3-8/4 Not much to say. Getting urges which is expected. Only thing that's been on my mind is how exhausted I am physically and mentally. For the last month, but especially for the last 2 weeks and even more for the past 3 or 4 days, I've just been so tired all day. I'm getting good sleep, exercising, eating decently, but I've got no energy. I'm a pretty low energy guy, but I've had it under control for the past few years relatively well, but this last month has been something else. Just all day long I'm tired. Don't know what to do about it. Anyone have tips on upping your energy when you're constantly fatigued? That's all that's been on my mind. Tired as hell. I want this to hurry up and pass.
  6. RB1

    Final Detox

    Day 2 (late post) - 8/2/2020 Busy day, which was good since it kept gaming off my mind. It's only day 2, but it feels so different to abstain from gaming once you tell yourself that you're "no longer a gamer." That officially makes it a thing of the past as with previous detoxes, it was merely on pause. Knowing that you will come back to it eventually whether its in a week or a few months gives the addiction enough of an edge to possess a part of your mind. When you state that you're never going back to it, that edge disappears and you begin to think, "well then, now what?" I know the urges will come with time, but for a day I got to experience this feeling I've never experienced of acceptance and moving on. It may be temporary, but that feeling where I'm officially moving on has never felt more real. Also, I was gonna start a scrap this thread and start a new once since "Final Detox" originally meant that I was going to try a detox one last time, and if it didn't work, I was gonna stop doing these detoxes all together. However, with this new turn in my road, the title feels even more fitting, so I will continue with it.
  7. RB1

    Final Detox

    Just deleted all my games and accounts on every medium I could think of. Steam is gone, riot is gone, blizzard is gone, controllers are in the trash, computer mouse is in the trash. Feels good and bad at the same time honestly. Also thanks for the support to everyone who replied and read through that last post :)
  8. RB1

    Final Detox

    Day 1 - 8/1/2020 Ok I'm finally back. I've got a lot to say and have had a lot on my mind, but I'll keep it short and talk about them more or elaborate further some other time. I went back to gaming for the last 3 weeks, but it didn't get out of hand again until a week and a half ago. I kept up healthy habits like eating right, exercising, and getting out here and there, but that's all gone to shit in the last 10 days. I completely gave up on doing another detox thought I said I would come back until yesterday. I've pretty much gamed the entirety of the last 3 days, barely going outside at all and I'm not in good shape. I realized in the last month and a half that you can make progress in your life pretty fast when you've got your shit together, but that progress can disappear just as fast when you don't. Like I said, I've had a lot on my mind, but the main one has been what @amchow said to me in a post he made here early July. He posted about how people like us need to "surrender to their addiction" which in response I asked, "I heard that statement a lot, but what does it really mean?" He responded saying, "it means you need to tell yourself that, you are no longer a gamer." This really spoke to me since I proceeded to ask myself if I am still a gamer, and at the time my honest answer was still yes. I was in the middle of a detox that at the time I felt fully committed to, but when facing myself and asking "me" if I was still a gamer, my deep down honestly answer was still a firm "yes". At the time I already relapsed and was in and out of gaming on a day to day basis and the stress with other factors in my life was overwhelming, so I once again I reached my mental limit, said "fuck it", quit the detox and went back to gaming. The progress I had made has slowly slipped away over the past 3 weeks, but what @amchow pointed out to me continued to ring through my head throughout it all. I've done these detoxes for the past year as a hope to take a break from gaming so when I come back, I'll hopefully have worked on my life enough so I can balance gaming with it when reintroducing it. At no point of any of these detoxes have I ever been able to tell myself that, "I'm no longer a gamer". My answer was always to find the middle ground which was to figure out how to balance out gaming in my life. After a full year of incredible life improvement during detoxes followed by an immediate downfall when introducing gaming back into my life, I finally have to admit to myself that there is no middle ground. At least not for me. I am to weak minded to be able to balance gaming with the rest of my life. When it is apart of my life, it is all I do and think about. Even when I'm not gaming, I'll be thinking about it as long as I have permission from myself to do it. I finally have to face my truth which is that I will continue to live as a gamer and go nowhere with my goals and life, or I will "no longer be a gamer" and my life will absolutely improve. There is no middle ground. There is absolutely no middle ground and I've accepted that. My life immediately improves every time I stop gaming and immediately goes to shit the moment its reintroduced. The good news is, I feel like it's often difficult in life to determine what the right option to choose is in order to improve your life. In my case, that option isn't what I was hoping for, but regardless that option is crystal clear. There is no middle ground for me. I need to quit gaming, then my life will absolutely positively 100% improve. I've seen it happen over and over again, I've been through it a million times, the answer is crystal clear, I need to quit gaming and that is the only answer for me. So with all that being said, I'm here to say that I'm no longer a gamer. I know the road ahead will be rocky, but it is the only path for me as long as I want my life to improve. This is no longer a 90 day detox. I am here to post about how I'm quitting gaming. The process is going to be one day at a time, but I'll continue to work at it one day at a time. It's been a rough 3 weeks for me, but it might have been necessary for me to come to this conclusion.
  9. RB1

    Final Detox

    Well fuckkkk. I'll be back sometime hopefully soon. Too much stress at the moment and I hate saying that I'll stop and not committing to it. Good things is I've been able to implement a couple of good habits in the short detox that I did that I'm continuing to carry through despite relapsing. Also, I don't feel the need to game, but I definitely have the the need to sit around watching gaming content, which is what my relapse has been. I'll be back in a bit and I promise to carry on my good habits till then. Things are too stressful at the moment though and I don't have the willpower to cut everything out at once. Promise I'll be back.
  10. RB1

    Final Detox

    Sunday July 12th, 2020 Well, I'm back. Haven't been posting because I relapsed pretty bad. Haven't played games at all, but have been spending a lot of time on twitch and youtube. I cracked because I didn't balance my personal and work life with my school life and the load of school work I got behind on was too much, making me very anxious and as a result I turned to games. I'm starting to see that I have to consider the balance between my personal, work, and school life all as a part of the equation when doing this detox. I've been focusing on my goals entirely since the detox began and the lack of time I've been putting into school has come back and bit me in the ass. I've been focusing on working out and eating healthy each day, but relinquished my focus on school. I put off too much work for too long and when there was too much to do, the anxiety went on full force and I couldn't deal with it. I've been thinking that as long as I work towards my goals and have my goals preoccupy the time I used to game, I'll be set. Nope. Not the deal as it turns out. When I get too deep into my anxiety and depression, I relapse. I will relapse every time. Typically, I get depressed when I don't stick to my goals, or my WANTS. I've been following my goals pretty strictly since this detox and as a result, I really don't get too depressed lately. Some days I do for short periods of time, but not for like long stretches of time over days, weeks, or even months like I've had in the past. However, my anxiety rises when I procrastinate on the things I NEED to do. I need to keep up with my school work and I need to keep up with the work from my job. I've been procrastinating like crazy ever since prioritizing my physical health with exercise and eating habits. Well, I need to add stability and sanity in my equation of health, which means to keep up the work that I NEED to do aka school work and work from my job. I've been keeping up with work from my job, but school has gone down the shitter in the last month. I've procrastinated everything. A lot of negatives in the past 4-5 days, but the good news is that I've continued to work out and eat healthy. I'm getting into much better physical shape and I'm getting to the point where the workouts are getting easier to do. I'm still exhausted after them, but I feel that it is a necessity for me to work out again. That's a feeling I haven't had in about 2 years. I've done some form of work out 5 days a week since the beginning of my detox and that's including the 5 days I just relapsed. Another positive is that I'm beginning to feel the benefits of eating healthy. I wasn't for a while, but I knew it was because I had to keep it consistent. I've been eating right for almost 3 weeks now and I'm beginning to feel that energy that I've been missing for so long. I feel groggy in the morning, but once I get my healthy breakfast in, I begin to feel great. It's also getting to the point where I get mad at myself for eating a crappy meal. I've given in and gotten Mcdonalds or Tacobell a few days, but I feel like such shit afterwards that it upsets me physically and mentally. Before, I kindof always felt like shit to a certain degree, so even when I ate fastfood, the difference didn't feel so drastic. Now that I am dieting better, I feel great most of the time, so when I get a shitty meal in me, I notice how much it brings me down. I can feel that difference much more drastically now and it motivates me to eat right. Also, I'm really enjoying cooking. I've tried getting into it in the past, but never actually had fun doing it. I'm actually having fun cooking for the first time ever. I've been watching a lot of cooking channels online and it's helped me figure out a system to cook that works for me. The last positive is that even after 2 relapses already, I still feel determined to continue this detox. Before, once I relapse once I fail to regain the mentality. I had no will to come back once I got back into gaming. Right now, I'm pretty upset that I relapsed and as a result I wanna prove to myself that I can come back and continue this detox. These next few days are going to be rough since I'm recovering from a relapse and because I know I'm going to have extremely high anxiety because of the shit load of school work I need to get done in such a short amount of time. But as long as I'm sitting around on youtube or twitch watching gaming content, I'm not gonna be able to get all that done. Basically, I relapsed, but I'm not done with getting this detox right. I've fucked up a ton already, but in the process, I've made huge improvements in my life. I'm exercising, eating right, and playing a ton of guitar. Those are some meaningful accomplishments in my book. I need to keep up those things, but I need to push harder and get back on my feet with school work. I need to understand that keeping my whole life balanced with personal stuff, work, AND school is how I will manage my anxiety and depression to maintain stability, which will eliminate the big reasons I tend to relapse. I'm back and I've got this.
  11. RB1

    Final Detox

    Tuesday July 7th, 2020 Start of day: Had a pretty exhausting and stressful day yesterday. Homework was making me lose my mind. Such a stressful day working on homework, but I realized at the end of the day that it totally kept my mind off of gaming. I got in a great workout yesterday that made me feel great the entire day. Feeling a bit sore this morning, which is always a good thing. I'm 100% out of groceries so fixing that will be my morning task to keep me busy. In reflection of yesterday, it was a bit difficult staying away from gaming in the morning, but I was so stressed out with school related work in the aftrernoon that my mind was 100% focused towards that. I've got even more school work that I must do today so that will keep me busy. I'm also going to go grocery shopping in the next 30 minutes, so cooking a healthy breakfast, lunch, and dinner will keep me busy too. I've been eating pretty unhealthily for the past 3 days so it's time to fix that. I did some meditation for the first time in a while yesterday and it reminded me how good it is for me. The session was real nice too. Usually, my mind is caught up with one of twenty different things so the meditation just stresses me out even more, but I was really able to clear my mind yesterday. Those kinds of sessions really are therapeutic. Usually, when I have days like yesterday where school work is too much and too difficult, I start to get extremely stressed and angry. Yesterday was stressful, but at no point did I actually get angry. I think the meditation helped with that a bit. I'm also planning to get a workout in at some point today as well. As long as I manage my time correctly, there shouldn't be a problem there. Cravings aren't so bad this morning. Just woke up a half hour ago and morning is always the worst time of day for me for cravings. I've got a lot on my mind this morning so the cravings aren't really there. I think that says something about myself. I've got my mind preoccupied with things I need to do throughout the day as a result I'm not feeling cravings.
  12. RB1

    Final Detox

    Monday July 6th, 2020 Start of day: A bit late. I almost gave in like 20 different times yesterday to unblock gaming channels to spend my entire afternoon being a couch potato. I hit up a friend and ended up hanging out with someone which made it easier to cope. I think now that I've gotten my mind a bit more clear, I can get back to the detox for real. I tried Saturday and Sunday morning to reset, but now on Monday I really will. Haven't touched games or gaming content today. Once putting down the game, like always, I got a ton of stuff done. Funny how my life immediately improves the moment I put down gaming. I did a full weight lifting workout and went on a longer than usual run, got some schoolwork done, cleaned up my home, and hung out with a friend. Sounds like a pretty good day to me especially after starting lounging around on twitch and youtube for the first 4 hours of the day. Today I've already got my workout out of the way and got in a healthy breakfast. I was listening to an educational video for my studied while working out and thought I should do this more. I should start listening to podcasts and videos for educational/school purposes while working out. I usually listen to music, but honestly, I'm not the type of person who needs it while exercising. This motivates me to exercise more honestly since I'm getting 2 benefits out of one activity. I'm excited to invest in some nice earphones (since I don't even own a pair at the moment) to use while working out and jogging. I think I'm more focused when exercising, so it might be even better for me to learn this way than to just sit at a desk trying to keep my attention on reading material or videos. I barely can focus when sitting at a desk anyways. Great start to the day. I will stay way from gaming and finish off the rest of my day strong!
  13. RB1

    Final Detox

    I appreciate all the advice. Couple of small comments then a big question/comment at the end. I've decided not to reset my counter. I actually don't have a counter to even reset! My slight adjustment for this detox is to forget the streak. It ever really motivated me in the first place and it only reminded me how much longer I had to go. The strategy this time around is to take it one day at a time like you said in your 5th tip. I'm trying just to get through one day for three months. Yes, I know it's the same thing as doing a detox for 3 months, but it's a mind set thing for me that I think really makes a difference. I can't handle 3 months no gaming. No way. I can handle one day without gaming for 3 months. Might sound dumb, but it's how I like to think about it. I think about your 6th tip a lot. I don't talk about this with family and don't feel comfortable doing so at all. I wish I did. I also don't have friends who're willing to give up gaming. I've spoken to friends about this problem of mine, but not to the extent that I'm explaining on these forums. I'm embarrassed to share how deep this gaming addiction/problem goes for me and so I've never really expressed to anyone in my real life how deep this problem goes for me. I just tell people, "I'm taking a break from gaming to clear my mind." I always ask if anyone friends that I feel need a break from gaming if they wanna try it out and no one ever does. The forums help a ton, but I really do with I had someone in my life that would give up gaming along side me that would help me get through this in real life. Now for the larger question/comment. What do you mean specifically when you say in tip #3 that I need to, "submit to this new routine/strategy?" I often hear when researching about addiction that addicts need to "surrender to their addiction" which is what I'm assuming you mean when you say submit to the new routine, but honestly I've never truly understood what that meant. What does it mean really? What does it mean to you? Is that what you were trying to say?
  14. RB1

    Final Detox

    Sunday July 5th, 2020 Start of day: relapsed pretty hard Friday night, all of Saturday, and this morning a little bit. Watching gaming all night Friday, watched games all day Saturday, played games all day saturday night, and watched games most of this morning. I'm pretty hung over, feel like shit from drinking smoking and eating junk food all day, my rooms a mess, kitchens a mess, but I can clean all that up. I feel terrible but I just blocked all gaming sites, deleted my games again, and cut the cable on my computer mouse so I can't go back even if I wanted to. Despite feeling like shit, I know I can get back on track. the last 48 hours were a step-back to my overall progress since starting the detox. I'm not going to reset my day counter since I technically don't have one since I'm trying to stick to the one day at a time and not think about any streak or days remaining. I've got a lot to do today so I just need to remind myself that there's a lot to do outside of gaming. I'm gonna start with cleaning my room and kitchen, do the dishes, and take out the trash. Once things are cleaned up, I'll start doing the school work I procrastinated on for the last 48 hours. When I get through some of that, I'll either work out or go on a run. I think I'll just lift some weights. By the end of the day, I'll set up my new board so I can head out to skate in the next few days. I won't let that set back end this detox. I can come back.