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WorkInProgress

Mario's Journal,

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Day 65

This morning i have urges to watch gaming videos. Fuck you brain ! I guess it is the old scheme of playing after my wife left the appartment. Well good thing I am over this. If i play again after the detox I most surely will not play before 12:00. Maybe it has somethign to do with em beeing sloppy about my routines. Didn't exercise for a week now and did not emditate for 2 days now. Felt kind of stressed about my exam and other stuff und felt like it wouldn't benefit me enough to justify the time effort( ofcourse i ahd time to watch gamevidoes so this is obviously bullshit). I start again today.

I started to think a lot about the things i want. Do I want a lot of money? Well it wouldn't hurt but do i really desire it? No. Do I want to be the awesome looking muscle guy who walks in a bar and woman get wet panties? Sure this would be awesome but on the other hand: why should teh appreciation of random people i don't know matter? Do I want to have an inspiring job where i can fullfill myself? Yes but only if it doesn't take to long and isn't to hard to achieve.

What i really want is to build a family. . To be a good father to future kids someday. To have more and deeper connections to friends and my family. To earn enough so I don't have to worry we wouldn't have enough. In addition to this I want to be proud of myself, know my values und stand to them. It sounds boring and maybe it sounds scared of trying something new exciting. But I feel like this is the key to my personal happiness. And feels good to know what iIwant. Atleast what I want right now.

PS:The Willpower Instinct is the book about willpower i liked the most so far. Read like two other books about the topic before it, but this one is well written has some practikal advice and is strictly scientific.

Gratitude

- the feeling of freedom after an exam

- able to be there for others

-I  know what i want and can work towards it now

-

 

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Epic that sticker! where can i get one?!

Mario, do you read a lot? or now and then? your thoughts are something i can really relate to, i got many of the same. One small tip (the next one after all the self improvement tips and books and whatnot ;) ) is: i have now a small notebook. and i just keep it on me most of the day, and i get these sharp ideas like "i will be a good father" instead of "can i be a good father"  and stuff like that. Really helps me to set all question thinking into something more steady, then just myself asking the whole time. I really find it inspiring btw to read your journal occasionally, keeps me going!

 

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@Ironfly I don't know actually. Best you ask Cam, he sent it to me.

Right now i ahve a lot to study and a 8hour/week sideshop so i don't have so much time to read. I still procrastinate in the world wide web wichd rains time of me. Before i started gaming i read a ton of books.  I could literally lay on the couch for 14hours and read a good ficton book. These days i mainly read non-fiction stuff and not that much. Maybe around  one hour a day on average. I actually carry a notebook with me but never use it. I feel like most of these thoughts come up while i read "self-development" books or write here in the forum. Thats one reason why i like it so much to spent so much time here.

It is always awesome to hear that my rambling helps others so thank you for letting me know!

Day 66

Yesterday i scuessfullly evaded most of my work... :( THe good thing is that today could be total different. Every new day is full of posibilitys. Love that feeling in the Morning if you know that you have some time to spent.

Gratitude

- started exercising again

- Good Morning

- gamequitter sticker and no scam advertisment in my mailbox :P

 

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Epic that sticker! where can i get one?!

Mario, do you read a lot? or now and then? your thoughts are something i can really relate to, i got many of the same. One small tip (the next one after all the self improvement tips and books and whatnot ;) ) is: i have now a small notebook. and i just keep it on me most of the day, and i get these sharp ideas like "i will be a good father" instead of "can i be a good father"  and stuff like that. Really helps me to set all question thinking into something more steady, then just myself asking the whole time. I really find it inspiring btw to read your journal occasionally, keeps me going!

 

If you purchase the Respawn guide, Cam will send you a sticker for free (you may also be able to get one by buying other products from the GQ website). I have my sticker on my laptop, it is a good reminder of the type of person I want to become :)

Yesterday i scuessfullly evaded most of my work... :( THe good thing is that today could be total different. Every new day is full of posibilitys. Love that feeling in the Morning if you know that you have some time to spent.

 

Great to see you're still going, congrats on 66 days so far!

How did you evade your work? I find having a 'to-do' list and scheduling helps me to prioritise and get done everything on time.

Keep on keeping on! :)

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How did you evade your work? I find having a 'to-do' list and scheduling helps me to prioritise and get done everything on time.

Keep on keeping on! :)

@alexthegrape Thanks. To do lists didn't work for me for some reason. I get annoyed over my past self and ignore them. I do prioritize my tasks in the morning and start with the importat ones. But i did it in my head, maybe it helps if i write it down. It feels more like a willpower thing, I know that i have to do some things and then I evade starting them. Yesterday went a bit better because i used the 10min Rule. Just sit down for 10min and then i can quit if i want. Ofcourse I usually work longer then 10min if I allready started. I use all kind of motivational tricks right now. I visualize my future self for example. And how bad i will feel if I have to do this work later in the afternoon or the next day. Seems to work decent. I hope i can built some momentum again.

Day 67

Strugled with urges yesterday. I downloaded the wc3 Installer but didn't isntall it. I think i leave in on my computer though. It feels like i mostly evaded my thought of gaming and did something else. While this helped me alot to get so far in my detox, it feels like it is the time to confront this thoughts and to teach my brain I don't have to play if i watch a video about strategy. It is scary how strong my brain signals me that I should game now. I want to be able to play in moderation but as long as my reaction to games is that way it won't work. My plan is to watch everyday 15min of gamingvideos and monitor my reaction. Now is a good time for this experiment because my wife is on vacation and so I am not tempted to start playing secretly again. I am commited here in not gaming for the 90days. This together with my goal to have some self respect and to be honest if possible hinders me to game.

Thanks to everyone reading this, you help me alot guys!

Gratitute

- motivation fo a sticker

- read the right book at the right time

- some time to prepare my self good for the next exam

- jogging pants

- my cats keeping me company at lonely mornings :P

 

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Hang in there! If gaming is on your mind, identify what is triggering it and perhaps what else you could do to meet any needs or desires the games will fulfill. Great to hear you're finding ways to keep yourself working :)

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Day 68

Yesterday was a relaxed day. Didn't work to much but had an awesome training session. For the first time since i started bw-training I understand why people get addicted to training. I gone to the limit of my capabilities and felt the impulse to vomit at the end of the work out . But fought through the pain and afterwards I felt awesome. All my muscles were warm and I was kind of euphoric and relaxed. This good vibes(guess they were caused by hormons) motivated me even to do some work isntead of beeing lazy in front of my computer. I actually looking forward to the next training session tomorrow.

Gratitude

- BW-Training

- motivation

- self control

- computergames( would never started self development otherwise)

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Day 69

Yesterday was a good day.Highlights: Letting the cats out in the garden for the first time. Did some nice socialising at a party.

Gratitude

- fascinating cat behaviour

- drinking in moderation

- breakfast

- knowing things I want to do

Edited by WorkInProgress

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Day 71

I practiced lately to watch videogame coverage and to stop after a set time. to do this kind of simulates the way i feel when i actually played for myself. I am still nto sure if i want to keep on gaming in moderation after my detox but I will figure it out. I think I can do it without getting into this addiction patterns as long as i stay away from  game slike LoL and Dota(they are my personal nemesis). But I am not sure if i actually want to go back to gaming or if i ahve the time for it.

I don't think about this so much tough. Exercising is really awesome and feels like the new hobby for me. I am happy how much my life allready changed in this detox. I started meditation and exercise. I read again. I deepened my realtionsship with my wife and reconnected with my friends. My studies go way better and I applied for my internship. I feel like I choose what I want to do and not just do what i have to do. It is awesome what a few months of working on yourself can achieve. In some way it is less then I expected and in another way it is much more.

Gratitude

- work and seeing progress

- my marriage

- cats beeing silent for a minute

 

 

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Exercise is a great hobby to keep investing in. I think it helps keep you away from gaming too because you recognize that moving your body > (feels better than) sitting in a chair for hours.

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Day 71 (evening)

Ok i have to admit that this watching of gaming videos gone out of control lately. Today I did  watch for 4hours WC3-footage instead of doing my work. Now I have to do a lot this morning and won't deliver good work. Until now i could lie to myself and tell me that is just training for future gaming in moderation. But  I used all the time my wife was out of the house or still sleeping for watching people play wc3 or on gamequitters. It feels exactly like videogames. I use the same reasoning(only 1 game), I evade work where i fear i will not be able to do good and do it secretly. Something I am ashamed of dooing can't be the greatest idea.

At least i did some studying in the morning and exercise and meditation habbits are still alive. I will now cut youtube out for real. It doesn't benefit me in any way. I am pissed right now.

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Day 72

I set things up to work in a more efficient way on my computer. I downloaded chrome and set it into place. I will use chrome for work and firefox for my private usage. I hope i can train myself to fokus deeper on my work if i use this environment only for working and studying. Maybe i find a tool to track my internet usage on firefox then i can see how much time I actually waste/invest in not workrelated themes. My motivation is still up and I hope this will be a productive day.

Gratitude

- motivation

- this journal

- the possibility to fail a bit without big consequences

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@cam Thanks. I will check i tour. At the moment i started 3 other books so t will take some time :D Got an 30€ voucher for amazon as late birthday gift and invested the money into four ebooks(4-Hour Work Week, Antifragile, Deep Work and The War of Art).

Day 73

Did a lot of reading and got some work done yesterday. Didn't get to studying but rest of the day way good, no youtube led to better fokus. I think i try to get better at programming. They are alot of training ressources out there and it can actually be pretty fun. The main bonus at programming is that it gives me work from home and i can use it to be more efficient at computerwork wich i will most likely do when I have finished my Masters Degree. I will start to do everyday 30min Matlabpractice. Matlab is a programming language wich get used by many engineers and as student you get it for free. I got a book called modelling with matlab and after some online training i will swap to this book because there are exercises and I want to know more about modelling anyway. Today I have made an appointment with my boss and will be able to ask some questions about my programm. hopefully i can be more productive after that.

My mood is good right now. I really enjoy reading and feel like i achieve something at the moment and this is awesome.

Gratitude

- books

- Tipp10(free programm to learn the 10fingersystem)

- cats beeing outside right now enabling me to meditate

- quark with honey

- kindle

- clear water out of the faucet

- english dictionary's online

- the internet

 

 

 

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Day 74

Yesterday was kind of annyoing. Was alot out of the house and nothing turned out the way i wanted. My superior at my sideshop couldn't help me with my problem at the programm. and he had to go after 10min after we met( I waited for 3hours and tried to study in a loud room). I was pissed. Sadly my mood didn't lighten up in the evening but I tried to be nice to my wife anyway and did some housewrk after i got stuck 1,5 hours in traffic before I got home. 

This morning after solid 8-9 hours sleep the world looks different and I am glad that this blues went away. Birds are chirping my cats are outside trying unsecessfull to kill them and life is still awesome :D

I really enjoy reading all these journals up here. It is a nice feeling to be part of a likeminded community. Never had that before and it helps me a lot.

Gratitude

- birds

- spring

- our community

- sparkly water( Sprudel in german wich could be an awesome english word)

- I use the ten finger system pretty decent and don't have to watch  my keyboard  any more.

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