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WorkInProgress

Mario's Journal,

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12.6.2016 (d.a.s. Day 5)

Yesterday I didn't study or do organizing. Could have cleaned more too. I take this as as my break day this week(6.6.-12.6.), so I have to buckle up today. On the other hand I had a nice day with my wife and we went barbecuing with her sister. I realize how good it is for my mood to socialize. Nothing more comes to mind right now.

 

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13.6.2016(d.a.s. Day 6)

I did catch myself yesterday and did every daily action I planned besides cleaning. And that on a Sunday! This is a win for me, because I feel like I build momentum slowly right now. I had a real bad morning though, because I realized that I messed some personal things up and that made me feel worthless for a some time. It is interesting to see how much my emotion and my rational understanding of the situation defers sometimes. It isn't a big deal if I think about the situation rationally. But knowing this doesn't change the feeling in this moment. Now some time later it is ok again. I didn't sleep enough because I watched football Em last night. Still got 6hours of sleep but it doesn't feel like it was enough. Today is yoga day so maybe this will refresh me a bit. A cool shower is another idea.

Appreciation and Acceptance:

- I appreciate myself for controlling my porn urges in the morning

- I appreciate myself for thinking about important things and coming to personal conclusions

- I appreciate myself for being able to regulate my coffee consume

- I am accepting that things change slowly

- I appreciate that my social network and that I have a family and people who are interested in my well being.

-I accept that they all have bigger or smaller flaws of personality as everyone does. That doesn't make them better or worse people. It just influences how much I want to spent time with them.

- I accept that I can't change people. I can only help them to change themselves. If I fail at that it is ok.

Edited by WorkInProgress
added appreciation section

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Did some reflection over the last hour and basically, just found new questions with few answers. I feel like reflection is interesting, but if you don't try out things you reflect over, you will never know what your truth is. Question that popped to my mind: Is it possible to want things and to appreciate the now? Is it possible to do both? Appreciate what you have and dreaming big and feeling the want and the tension of fulfil this big goals? How can you appreciate what you have if you WANT something more. How can you progress if you are CONTENT with what you have. Personal experience shows me that improvement is more satisfying then standing still in life. But why is it so? Why do I need a sense of progress? Is that just my brain wishing for feel good hormones after I did something hard? Is it the joy of being the best me I can be? Maybe the goal isn't to improve but too accept what you have? Maybe there is no objective optimal goal. Maybe there is just something you personally feel good with? The Interesting thing about these Questions is that I can't figure them out rationally. I don't even know if it is possible. But I can test what works for me. Trial and error seems unsophisticated but is the only approach which comes to my mind.

Because it feels like the most appealing option and because I wish it would be true, I will try to be more appreciative and more ambitious at the same time. To reach this I will find a big goal I feel a burning desire to fulfil. And in addition to this I will start a Appreciation list of the things I have and do good. How do I evaluate if an action good or bad? Maybe these categories aren't the right choice. Maybe I just need to state how things are and accept them. But some things feel good and other things feel bad. Should I order things based on feelings? Or should I try to change my feelings? Can you rate things/actions and still do objectively see them? I don't think so. I don't want to be delusional if I tell myself things are good and I appreciate them if there is no objective truth of that fact. On the other hand is such positive thinking a key to happiness and  an objective truth unreachable. As longer as I think about this I come to conclusion that I need to form my thoughts in a way which will benefit me. At least in such areas where I can't find an objective truth.

It is important though to TRY to find an objective truth over and over again. Or your mind gets fixed and you end as an delusional fanatic of one or the other idea.

PS: I need to learn more about the principles of scientific thinking and logic. Any book recommendations?

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14.6.2016 (d.a.s. Day 7)

This morning my mood is fine. It is surprising how much this morning mood depends on the early mood of my wife. If we have a relaxed hour of morning together, before she goes to work I am in a good mood almost every time. Whilst that is nice the opposite is annoying. I should maybe work on being less dependent on her feeling well.

Yesterday was a good day. I did all my daily actions besides cleaning(I did only 30min instead of an hour) and I am starting to see how I connect more with my friends and family which feels great. A good friend of me told me that he is becoming a father and how he feels the need to grow up now. In some ways I am envious and in others I am glad that I have some time to grow and prepare mentally on this challenge before I take this role on.

I am not hyper productive lately but I get stuff done part by part. I found a podcast about philosophers(philosophy without gaps) which I enjoy and a really great e-book about python learning. It is called automatetheboringstuff and it gives me first a good base on syntax in python and deepens my understanding of basic principles and then shows me how to automate tasks on my computer. That's exactly why I learn programming these days so I am happy to have found a resource which fulfil my needs in this area. I finish one chapter every day which takes me at the moment between one and two hours.

Yesterdays reflection left my brain kind of clean and ordered which is a nice effect. I feel like this new daily action challenge gets my brain again in working mode and I like it. I often times catch myself in the day and do things I am close to procrastinate. I try to live the "do it now"-principle.

Have a nice day(or night) folks!

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15.6.2016 ( 2 Weeks daily actions streak Attempt 2 Day 1)

Yeah I failed yesterday because I didn't clean and didn't organize anything. All in all it was a good day anyway but to be consequent I have to break my streak. I did get more into python programming and it is fun. It helps me a lot that I all ready know how to code in some other languages but I still think that I learn a lot of basics which I skipped in other languages or refresh my knowledge. This makes this practice very rewarding. I actually can imagine this to become a challenging hobby over time and not something I only do because it makes my application profile look better.

All in all everything is fine but I have to be more committed to the things I want to and have to do every day. I start to procrastinate some more important things lately and I can literally feel the resulting stress creeping up on me. Now is the time to step up and just do all this crap!

It is nice to have the time right now to write some comments on other journals. I really enjoy sharing my experiences with others in the forum and giving something back to me fellow gamequitters which helped me so immensely in my past. I also realized lately that I don't feel disappointment any more if no one reads my journal or comments on it. It is ok I do it for myself. In the past this sometimes dragged my down and I am happy that I have acquired a more healthy relationship to gamequitters. I also don't feel the need any more to have read every journal every day. I only read them if I feel interest and this is they way it should be!

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PS: I need to learn more about the principles of scientific thinking and logic. Any book recommendations?

@kortheo?

WorkInProgress: I'm not sure what your background with science/logic is, but I can give a couple recommendations to someone who is a general reader with interest in gaining more depth.

If you haven't read it, Demon Haunted World is a great starting place. It's a good read even if you'll well-versed in science. It's all about understanding how to think logically and scientifically, and what methods and tools we can use to determine what is valid and accurate and true and what is unverified, untrustworthy, pseudoscience, or just plain BS.

Beyond that, I would recommend an excellent podcast - The Skeptic's Guide to the Universe. It's a weekly podcast about science and critical thinking, and very entertaining. I've listened to every episode (500+) over several years and it's honestly the thing that's helped my understanding of science the most (at least on par with my B.S. degree). It's the real deal.

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If you haven't read it, Demon Haunted World is a great starting place. It's a good read even if you'll well-versed in science. It's all about understanding how to think logically and scientifically, and what methods and tools we can use to determine what is valid and accurate and true and what is unverified, untrustworthy, pseudoscience, or just plain BS.

Beyond that, I would recommend an excellent podcast - The Skeptic's Guide to the Universe. It's a weekly podcast about science and critical thinking, and very entertaining. I've listened to every episode (500+) over several years and it's honestly the thing that's helped my understanding of science the most (at least on par with my B.S. degree).

@kortheo Thanks both seem pretty interesting. I have my bachelor of science also, so I hope I am kind of well-versed in science(even if I am sure if I put it on the test, I would be unpleasantly surprised

16.6.2016

I have to face it . I did again not got my daily actions done. I think I have to readjust. The main problem in my opinion is that they are more of a daily todo-list then a routine. I seem to have a problem with routines. My head kind of always screws me over and let following a routine seem very unattractive. Also if I manage to follow one the benefits are in most cases great. I could charm myself and say that I am just a free spirit, but I think it is more a lack of discipline induced through my protected childhood and almost never really trying something hard. I'm gonna step back from that daily action plan. Right now I have the idea to just start some routines around my lives. For example a classic morning routine. Also I want to implement such habits like cleaning up after me. If I eat or work on my livingroom table I'm gonna clean it afterwards and make this a ritual/habit. If I cook I clean the kitchen after eating. If the trash is 3/4-full I bring it out. There are surely more such things and I will find them and stick to them. I think if I manage to live that way everything else will get much easier, because I free so much willpower with it. Well thats my masterplan for now.

My morning routine will look like this:

-make coffee, make the bed, drink coffee with my wife

-feed cats, feed myself, if I didn't do it the day before do laundry and dishes elseif( ;) ) do read for 15-20min

- do exercise/Yoga ( if I start working I will do 30min yoga everyday in the morning and exercise every 2/days after work.)

- sit down and learn smth for atleast a hour(right now: coding in python)

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17.6.2016

Yesterday was busy and successful. I did my yoga and went to work. On the way too work I read "Play" and the new book kortheo recommended and used my proximity to my home town to visit an old friend after work and talk( he has some issues right now). Then I went home shopped groceries did my laundry made dinner and watched soccer together with my wife. I also did all the little routines I had planned besides cleaning after cooking. And I did all this despite feeling sick and having some back aches(first I thought I overstretched a bit but it developed into muscle soreness). Today I all ready feel much more rested and after my new 5min wake-up work-out/stretch I feel awake and ready to do stuff. Also did I do my dishes and laundry and all the other things I said I would do this morning. I am proud of myself and I'll try my best to bind as many such days together as possible. I be carefull with the upcoming euphoria but I most definitely enjoy it as long as it lasts.

I go back to work now.Have a good day gamequitter lady's and gentlemen.

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18.6.2016

Another busy day is done and I feel fine. I have to learn to be better with a little exhaustion. In the evening after such days I am annoyed pretty fast what isn't optimal. Today is the wedding of my Sister and it will be another long but great day. Right now I am awake before my wife so I will use this time to put some extra python-time in. It is the first time I remember that I just stick to my google calender and it works. Maybe I will be able to plan my days and stick to it after all. I think I will start a Sunday reflection round tomorrow and analyse my progress over the last week.

Oh and I go finally an intern-ship- It starts at the first August but maybe I can convince them to let me start half a month earlier. But be it as it be this was the next big step to my degree.

Ps: wrote this at saturday and didn't Post it

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19.6.2016

I had a relaxed regeneration day today. Not much to tell. Could have studied but I did watch some documentaries with my wife and read some interesting articles. No Exercise, only streteching today. Even god rested onsunday ;)

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@Cam Adair thanks. I am glad i made it finally happen.

20.6.2016

I did some cleaning after my last entry and made the day feel ok.

Big win: Lately my schedule is pretty full but I still fulfil it. This is awesome. If I can keep it that way I can actually think about effectiveness and don't have to focus only on productivity. Was kind of senseless too think about what to do, if I kind of screwed it up at doing something like I planned. Took me only 5 months to get here... -.-.

Little win: I am able to put my hands flat on the ground lately. Yoga and stretching is paying of.

Also I was inspired by an interesting episode of the tim ferris podcast, to negotiate more. I am not socially anxious but my self confidence in social situations can be surely improved. I would never negotiate and I think it is a good time to try it. I will finish this podcast over the next few days and then make an action plan.

I am really excited about a festival I attend at the end of the week. I will be away from Thursday to Sunday and it is gonna be legendary!

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21.6.2016

 

Yesterday was kind of a difficult day. I did skipped my scheduled cleaning and another task, but at least got my python-programming and exercise down at least. Also the afternoon  with my wife's family was awesome. Also did I negotiate the time of my intern ship. For my masters I have to do three months of intern ship. For most firms this is too little time to benefit from someone working there. That's why the usually want us to stay six months. Because the search of the intern ship and bureaucracy took so much time I start much later then I would have wished for(1.August instead of 1.May). Long story short I want to have a short intern ship that I can start with my master thesis as fast as possible. I negotiated them down from 6months to 4months with the option to start my mastersthesis there after 3months and I am happy about it. In the past I would just accepted the six months and I would have felt as victim. Now I did something against it. 

 

Edited by WorkInProgress

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@LilChenChen Thank you for your input.

22.6.2016 (NF: Day 1)

This day is better so far. I defended successfully my time vs. my wife( had not to fight hard xD) and an awesome training today. I think masturbartion and especially porn is a bad habit i turn to if things get hard and I need a dopamin fix. I will stop both for another 90day nofap detox starting today.

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@LilChenChen Thank you for your input.

22.6.2016 (NF: Day 1)

This day is better so far. I defended successfully my time vs. my wife( had not to fight hard xD) and an awesome training today. I think masturbartion and especially porn is a bad habit i turn to if things get hard and I need a dopamin fix. I will stop both for another 90day nofap detox starting today.

Yep! Try going for a run instead :)

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23.6.2016 (NF Day2)

This midday I will be away to a rock festival in southern Germany. That's why my next entry will be the 27. I am not really in he mood today for reflectio that's why I leave it by this. Everything is fine so far.

little win: finished three sets with 3 pull-ups in one workout. Personal record!

Edited by WorkInProgress

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26.6.2016 (NF: Day 4)

The festival I attended was cancelled because of a devastating thunderstorm. I did basically camp for one day and one night, it was very hot and then we gone to stage and watched 30min of Flogging Molly in the rain, before the area was evacuated and we had flee into our cars. Then I changed my soaked clothes in my car and sat/slept in my car together with my wife for around 6 hours until it was safe to go out again(around 3am). It was really frightening how the car was shaking in the wind the heavy ran and hail. Even the camp radio station went mute at some point in the night. This made me really appreciate the protection of the house my apartment is in. We sometimes forget hat shelter isn't something everyone has. I went barefooted to my tent in the dark and nearly didn't found it, because every third tent was blown away and all pavilions where in pieces all around the place. I took my sleeping bags for me  and my wife(she was shivering) something to eat and went back to my car to sleep for 2 other hours. Then we heard that the festival got cancelled due to the bad weather and damages at the stages. So we took our things and drove back yesterday.. . I am happy that all my friends and myself got healthy out of there, but it sucks that I spent so much money and haven't even watched one concert. Bad luck I guess. After some siesta we drove to a friend and had a fun after festival meet-up where we drank leftover bear and ate leftover food while watching soccer. I am still recovering from that adventure and have to clean a lot of equipment and wash a lot of clothes today.

Here is a video from the thunderstorm some random person made :https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnYV6nKyqK8

Some things I realized these days:

- Money is an issue for me if I haven't enough to buy some new clothes and have to think about twice about ordering food, because it is too expensive.

- sleep deprivation makes me stupid as fuck but I am still able to drive, lift heavy things and do what's necessary.

- despite my very pale skin tone, I almost never get sunburn.

- random shit happens all the time. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst and accept whatever happens and you are golden.

- Don't argue when you are dead tired if you can evade it.

- in catastrophic circumstances people go back to their basic forms. They have sex, they eat , sleep and get violent(there was some plundering assholes going around steeling stuff in the morning after.

 

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27.6.2016 ( NF: Day 5)

I work myself slowly(everyday one hour) but surely through my python book and feel like I can write my own utility programs soon. After this book I will summarize what I learned to revision all that info in my head and then try to do the same things in Matlab. This is the programming language I will use in my intern-ship in a month so I want to be prepared. Everything else is going fine even if nofap is fucking hard. Makes it easier that my wife has holidays and is at home this week though. I feel like I can make it and it will be another step to a life where I am in charge and in control of my urges.

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27.6.2016 ( NF: Day 5)

I work myself slowly(everyday one hour) but surely through my python book and feel like I can write my own utility programs soon. After this book I will summarize what I learned to revision all that info in my head and then try to do the same things in Matlab. This is the programming language I will use in my intern-ship in a month so I want to be prepared. Everything else is going fine even if nofap is fucking hard. Makes it easier that my wife has holidays and is at home this week though. I feel like I can make it and it will be another step to a life where I am in charge and in control of my urges.

@kortheo has been learning programming too. Not sure what languages

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I love programming, I had a bit of experience with matlab in my previous university. Unfortunatelly it was this time where games were my problem, thus, I havn't learned it enough to help you. Besides, it's not that hard. Good luck on this.
Greetings, Piotr.

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@Piotr I actually have a lot of experience with matlab. But it was always a learning by doing thing. Now I want to dig a little deeper. Basically my career goal right now is to be the engineer who knows how to use all the softwaretools and nerd tricks to improve my value.

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