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The day is going well so far. I'm not that sore after yesterday's workout, and I worked pretty hard. I haven't found a way to keep track of my food so I just eat what I know is good and don't bother a lot about it. My knees bear all the load pretty well, I don't feel pain or discomfort.

I should start to plan my vacation. It will require a visa, so I need to gather up all the info. 

 

I finally got back to coding tonight. I wanted to play words game with someone, but it seems that I have to do it alone, so I spent the evening trying to create a simple words game. I feel so lonely it's just ridiculous. Better get to sleep now, before it gets worse. 

Edited by Vera

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On 5/15/2019 at 6:49 AM, Vera said:

The day is going well so far. I'm not that sore after yesterday's workout, and I worked pretty hard. I haven't found a way to keep track of my food so I just eat what I know is good and don't bother a lot about it. My knees bear all the load pretty well, I don't feel pain or discomfort.

I should start to plan my vacation. It will require a visa, so I need to gather up all the info. 

 

I finally got back to coding tonight. I wanted to play words game with someone, but it seems that I have to do it alone, so I spent the evening trying to create a simple words game. I feel so lonely it's just ridiculous. Better get to sleep now, before it gets worse. 

What are you doing to combat this loneliness?  Have you tried joining a social group for games or a developer group who meets once per week?

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Well, haven't updated in a while.

I'm going through a very hard period in my life and it's making me anxious. I feel stuck, haven't done much in the last two weeks and I seem to be in a rut. But I'm still fighting and it gets better day by day. The funny thing is how easy it is to find new ways to escape, the internet has all kinds of entertainment, endless feeds, an infinite amount of information, but it doesn't help me. I can watch youtube for hours and still feel restless. Nothing helps until I do something meaningful.

My vacation won't go as planned, but I am not upset about that.

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9 hours ago, Vera said:

My vacation won't go as planned, but I am not upset about that.

Me too perhaps except... my mother is deciding to go with me this year or next year to Portland, Oregon. On a more personal level, I have summer school after graduation. Ugh! Those extra books, pencils, and teachers' dirty looks...

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9 hours ago, Vera said:

Well, haven't updated in a while.

I'm going through a very hard period in my life and it's making me anxious. I feel stuck, haven't done much in the last two weeks and I seem to be in a rut. But I'm still fighting and it gets better day by day. The funny thing is how easy it is to find new ways to escape, the internet has all kinds of entertainment, endless feeds, an infinite amount of information, but it doesn't help me. I can watch youtube for hours and still feel restless. Nothing helps until I do something meaningful.

My vacation won't go as planned, but I am not upset about that.

Is there another activity that can help you relieve stress and get rid of restlessness? Or is there a way to look at the gym as I'm doing with just the expectation and appreciation for movement instead of goal setting? Yoga perhaps? It can change your environment and be physical, social, and mental boosts. 

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Feels good to write an update filled with good news!

I got back to working out at the gym. One of the Discord members kindly made the new routine for me and it's awesome! I was a bit uncomfortable today starting the routine on my own, I never did that before, I hired a trainer every time. But it turned out to be fun. I like it. Paid for 3 months of membership, so I can just train until September without any worries.

I also bought Seneca's book (finally), I enjoy reading it and it is truly a masterpiece.

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I'm learning touch typing. What I've learned - the keyboard I currently have is not good enough, it's noisy, it's stiff and its membrane has already gone bad. I have pain in my hands when I practice for more than 10 minutes, but no pain no gain, so I keep going on.

I see a lot of thumbnails of videos about E3 and it's funny because it's so pointless. I watched one video and that's all, it's all the same, I don't even care about this conference.

 

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My mood is fluctuating a lot. I seem to feel better for a couple of days and then it goes downhill. I haven't recognized a pattern yet, I tend to blame lack of sleep and general loneliness, but I've been alone for such a long time I got used to it. Better go to sleep and get myself busy, do something useful.

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Well, running YouTube for 6 hours a day is not healthy. I don't even enjoy it anymore. I'm bored and trying to hide from discomfort, numbing myself with stream of irrelevant information. It's the same thing as gaming once was, but way more noticeable since I have my phone with me at all times.

By the way, exhaustion barely leaves me now. I slept for more than 9 hours and I barely dragged myself out of the house, not because I'm physically unable, but because my interest in life has decreased dramatically. I did start to think about doing something other than mindlessly listening to people on yt. I found out I can't listen to motivation gurus anymore, I feel like their demands are way too high. Itst like they target very different people, way stronger than I am now, and this makes me uncomfortable.

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