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Phoenixking
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Ooh... the Japanese restaurant sounds amazing. My close friend lives in Tokyo and he says the authentic food is blissful. 
 

I hope you have the most enjoyable time, before these next couple of busy days.

 

I hope your appointment with physical therapy is helpful. I have been sending you healing energy. 
 

Have beautiful day friend.  

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Day 23 "Reboot."

So I'm now able to go for walks, do chores around the house and kick the wheelchair out! I'm so much happier now, I feel like I've got my life back in order.

I've got my first acting gig this Sunday, so that's going to be the first official invoice I send a client as a business owner. Yay! 

My SO is gone for a few days, she's off to the boonies with some friends of hers to a cabin in the woods. No internet or phone. I'm happy for her she's detoxing and surrounded by people she trusts and has fun with. I'm pretty sure that on day 2 or 3 she's going to lose it a little bit. She's always working, psychology-ing somebody's problems or binging Netflix. Finally stopping to get some air and catch her breath will do wonders. But I'm sure it's going to be confronting for her to feel so relaxed, because it implies feeling the difference with her normal stressed life. On that last bit, we got some bad news.

She might be getting laid off... Her company, which has a horrendous track record in HR stuff, is rearranging some thing. Among which some of the positions and the hours they'd be working. It's complicated AF. So during a presentation they got an explanation about what's what. During that, she saw her job already filled in. But everybody who already had a guaranteed position after the changes, was notified of that and their job security. My SO was not. So now she's dreading she accidentally discovered she lost her job. She's sent messages to her boss and co-workers. Most are appalled but can't do anything. The bosses aren't responding.

And finally, I'm going to be seeing a psychologist myself. I'm not sure yet when exactly, there's lots to be done in the next weeks. I'd like to find somebody nice and empathetic, but who won't put up with my bullshit and ability to over-talk people. I'd like to be a less intense person, find some more inner peace. I sometimes put too much weight on my shoulders, I sometimes snap at my SO about trivial things like her clothes lying around or other household stuff. They genuinely bother me and more often than not, I make the same mistakes myself. I just feel like there's lots of stuff bottled up inside of me and they should get some release. I think yoga or boxing could do wonders for that too, but I feel like talking to a psychologist might help me clear out some debris too.

One more sucky detail. That cool new car we got? I hit another car while parking... I feel like such a dope. Luckily I talked the guy into just letting me pay for the repairs instead of getting our insurance involved. But that means I'll have to use my savings to get our car fixed. I feel like such a moron... It can happen to anybody, I know. But it still sucks.

 

Recent highlight: Having a magical date night with my SO last night.

Budget status: Our joint account is doing fine. Goes a bit up and down but is in balance. My own income is a bit weird. I feel like I'm kind of breaking even sometimes, but also not. If there's bigger stuff like the car damage, that's coming out of my savings and that hurts... At some point in the future, I can start getting extra income if my business flourishes.

My one goal for the next 24h: I'll be prepping my D&D sesh and working on my business summer planning (setting goals and planning how to reach them). Both are due tomorrow.

What did I read today: The day flew by so I didn't really read.

My chore of the day: Dishes and bunny stuff. I'd like to clean this place too, but other things are a priority right now.

How I spent the 2 hours of focus progresssing my business today: Had a call with a budding entrepreneur and writer, arranged to film a video on Saturday, got an acting gig on Sunday, called my coach Emma about the latter and accepted a wedding gig for later this month.

What did I post on social media: Another bunny pic. I should do my reel thing tomorrow or something.

 

Maintained habits:

-Water the plants - No check. Though it did rain a bit yesterday. I should go check on them tomorrow or something.

-Prep food - I ate leftovers. Time to clean out the fridge while the SO is gone.

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done. And my mental exercises and chess too!

-Make the bed - SO did it.

-Drink enough water - Almost there.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Haven't done it yet, I'll do it before I go to bed.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - I've been indulging to be honest. I'm an impulsive guy. There's lots of beer in the fridge due to a party way back. I just sip one or two a day. It feels a bit bad or dangerous considering my addiction issues. I've been thinking of removing them from the fridge.

-Meditation - The park last night was lovely. It all looked so different...

-Exercise once this week - Had another physical therapy sesh. Man, do I suck at cardio nowadays...

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11 hours ago, Phoenixking said:

She's sent messages to her boss and co-workers. Most are appalled but can't do anything. The bosses aren't responding.

I guess the bosses don't know themselves yet. I think it's good she was proactive and at contacted them at the very least.

11 hours ago, Phoenixking said:

I'm going to be seeing a psychologist myself. I'm not sure yet when exactly, there's lots to be done in the next weeks. I'd like to find somebody nice and empathetic, but who won't put up with my bullshit and ability to over-talk people.

Good luck!

11 hours ago, Phoenixking said:

One more sucky detail. That cool new car we got? I hit another car while parking... I feel like such a dope. Luckily I talked the guy into just letting me pay for the repairs instead of getting our insurance involved. But that means I'll have to use my savings to get our car fixed. I feel like such a moron... It can happen to anybody, I know. But it still sucks.

I wouldn't worry about it. New things wouldn't get old if some attrition didn't happen to them. My car is low-sitting and I sometimes manage to skirt pavements when I am parking, but at least my mechanic has something to do when I visit him every couple of months 🙂

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Day 24 "Steady as she goes."

Heading into a fun weekend. Today I'm going to finish my schedule for the entire summer as per the request of my Starterslab-coach. I am to set goals and figure out how to complete those. Tonight is the second chapter of my D&D story with my friends. I look forwards to their shenanigans and me being able to dust some of my skills off. 

Tomorrow I'll be filming a video for my business. I'll write some clever lines about achieving your dreams and never giving up while I rise up out of my wheelchair. I'll try to make it as authentic as possible, because it can come across as really cheap to exploit your wheelchair stuff to look cool. I don't want to offend anyone, but it has been a struggle. It's going to feel good to be able to say that I'm back and working hard to make my business a thing.

And lastly, my acting gig on Sunday. I'm going into the city center of a nearby town, most likely dressed as a surfer or beach goer with an inflatable huge toy. I am to improv and act and make people laugh, all while emphasizing they need to wear a mask, wash their hands, keep the distance and so on... The pay is less than what I'd want and I just realized I should look into insurance. Things like this are a sensitive topic and I'd rather not get spat or coughed on by crazies...

I got a message from the landlord that we're not allowed pets. So if I can't get my SO a bunny the easy way, we're going the hard way. According to the apartment building code, if I can get a majority of votes from the other owners, we could get an exemption. And it just so happens to be that pitching and convincing people is my niche. I've taken it upon myself to befriend my neighbors for a while now. I can finally use those connections now! GDPR rules don't allow the building owners association to divulge contact info. But my neighbors aren't companies! A couple of brownies and a smile will give me all the info I need. The person on the phone was an animal friend too, I was able to persuade her into giving me the contact info of the two heads of the company. Contacting those two will be the final step. I'll first get all of the owners contact info from their renters, my neighbors, then I'll contact them and explain the situation and try to get their official 'yes'. Then I'll send the request with all the 'yesses' and secure my SO a bunny! 

 

Recent highlight: Prepping for D&D once again, and talking to the bunny while doing it. She seemed to love it.

Budget status: Nothing to report.

My one goal for the next 24h: Have a fun D&D sesh and prep my summer schedule in the next few hours. Doable.

What did I read today: Going to postpone reading today.

My chore of the day: I got a bunch of chores lined up revolving around clothes and the bunny.

How I spent the 2 hours of focus progresssing my business today: Making a summer schedule.

What did I post on social media: A pic from my reel.

 

Maintained habits:

-Water the plants - Checked on the plants

-Prep food - Takeout tonight and some banana and toast this morning, because the bunny loves banana and I love sharing!

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done! 

-Make the bed - SO did it.

-Drink enough water - None yet, but I'll manage.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Shit, forgot to do it yesterday. I'll do it before I leave for D&D.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - I should dial it down a bit I feel.

-Meditation - I might go to the park at some point again. It really hit the spot and I need the exercise. 

-Exercise once this week - My cardio is still shit, but I'd like to take a walk again soon.

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Day 26 "One more rep."

The acting gig I did yesterday was ... okay. I'm not going to do it twice, it was hard and tedious and honestly it's a two man job. But if you can't afford two people, I'm not going to do the work of two for the pay of one. I did however get to send my very first invoice!

It's lovely being able to book your own schedule. I feel super productive and thus quite tired at night, but really happy and not so stressed anymore! I get shit doooooone.

SO came back from her little trip. She was elated. Really cool people! But she came back bruised and battered. They'd done a bouldering and climbing course and she reaaaally noticed that her cardio is shit. She'd like to go and fitness. I didn't really want to show it, but inside I was enthused. When I was helping her check for any bugs or ticks on her body, I noticed that I had to move some flabby parts of her body. I'm all for body positivity and such, don't get me wrong. But that's just not sexy at all. One should take care of oneself. 

She also didn't lose her job. Thank heavens. Quite the opposite. She's got her full blown contract and lost a lot of tedious bullshit stuff she had to do on the side. She now gets to focus fully on doing what she likes to do. I still feel like she's going to work herself into oblivion. But I guess this is a step forwards. 

 

Recent highlight: Having my SO come home last night.

Budget status: Because I now do invoices and all that jazz, paperwork got A LOT harder... I'm going to have to start saving receipts and such.

My one goal for the next 24h: Have a nice night with my SO now that my work is almost done for the day.

What did I read today: A chapter of Life's A Pitch on writing letters.

My chore of the day: Clearing out the dishwasher.

How I spent the 2 hours of focus progresssing my business today: Invoices and paperwork this morning, and some bookkeeping and mails.

What did I post on social media: Nothing today.

 

Maintained habits:

-Water the plants - On my way!

-Prep food - Having takeout tonight.

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done.

-Make the bed - Done

-Drink enough water - Crushing it today.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Done!

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Now that my SO is back, I'm less inclined to, tbh.

-Meditation - I was advised to go walk in the park this week by my physical therapist.

-Exercise once this week - Did 20,000 steps yesterday. Ouch. And I had physical therapy today and once again in two days. I'd looooove to start boxing asap, but I seem to have to wait for classes to start. I might start with yoga in the mean time. Ideally I'd combine them both, but I'd want to see how much boxing fills my schedule first.

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Day 27 "One more step."

I did about 11,000 steps today. DAMN. I'm so spent now. Luckily some friends are coming over to cook for us. Looks like I'm totally getting my physical exercise in!

I've found somebody I'd like to start seeing as my therapist. Now I just gotta see if I fit into his schedule.

It's cool being your own boss. But I do notice that the more I take this shit seriously, the more work it really requires. This isn't just coasting. Holy shit. Sitting down for so long has made me lose my edge a bit, it seems. I now have 2 planners, one for work and 1 for private stuff. I try to keep both a bit separated. I'm also going to try and start working at a set hour, but I'm still trying to find some balance on when I want my day to start and when I want it to end.  

 

Recent highlight: Having my SO come home last night.

Budget status: My invoice got accepted, yay! But this means I have to do even more paperwork because of all of my expenses...

My one goal for the next 24h: Have a fun birthday tomorrow with the SO.

What did I read today: Too tired to read heavy stuff. Just going to lie down a bit.

My chore of the day: Help SO clean the place for our guests.

How I spent the 2 hours of focus progresssing my business today: Paperwork and other random stuff.

What did I post on social media: Pics of the gig I did last weekend.

 

Maintained habits:

-Water the plants - About to go do it.

-Prep food - Having guests who cook for us in a bit.

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done.

-Make the bed - Done.

-Drink enough water - Not a drop yet, but just filled the bottle. 

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Done.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Less now that a few days ago.

-Meditation - Going to the park later today.

-Exercise once this week - Did 11,000 steps today. Damn...

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On 7/7/2020 at 10:44 AM, Phoenixking said:

Day 27 "One more step."

I did about 11,000 steps today. DAMN.

Man that's awesome! Keep it up you got this! Also quoted the DAMN because that is a lot of steps in one day

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Day 29 "Perpetual movement."

Looks like I'll be working out for the rest of my life. Not that bad a verdict... I was able to do 20,000 steps last weekend and I got about 30,000 in during the past two days. No breaks! On the two off days I had my physical therapy. She talked to me about the future. I was thinking of taking up boxing which turns out would be ideal for my condition. But I was warned that I'd need 3 moments of exercise a week to stay healthy. So if I can train boxing twice a week, great! But I'd still need another moment where I'd go walk in the park, do yoga or work (since some acting gigs require doing a lot of walking). So whether I like it or not, whether I could make time for it or not, I'm going to have to stay active forever to keep my symptoms at bay. There are worse things. I just hope I can start boxing soon.

I am having some troubles finding a balance between working and private life. Now that I have so much freedom and flexibility, it's hard to wield it. I have a schedule for my business that I try to maintain. But it's hard when there's dirty dishes, underwear needs to be washed, and so on... Life is demanding! Damn! It used to be easier when I had so much time to pour into our household. It's hard to let that go and see our place get messier. I'd prefer our place to be nice and clean. But I need to really make the business a priority. And there's only so much you can do. A human's energy has limits! I'm going to be seeing a therapist come the beginning of august. I'd like to find some more balance and peace. He admitted he's not sure yet that he'd be the right match, but an intake could clarify what we could reach and what is not up his alley. He's a really nice, sweet dude. I met him coincidentally last summer and he really oozed empathy and a gentle touch. 

 

Recent highlight: A neighbor of mine is a small celebrity. He's got 65k followers on IG. He's offered to help me with spreading my brand. I told him to wait until the end of summer to get my ducks in a row (website, branding, logo, ...). I'm so excited to hear he's willing to use his fame to get me further ahead. He's really the nicest guy.

Budget status: I can't really be doing any crazy things this month. But I feel like that seems to be my new normal while I'm still starting up my business...

My one goal for the next 24h: Go to my co-working space in the morning and get 4 great hours in.

What did I read today: I'm pretty fucking tired from all of the exercising. It knocked me the fuck out.

My chore of the day: I'd like to try and clean this place a bit, but I feel like it's not really going to happen.

How I spent the 2 hours of focus progresssing my business today: Sent my first invoice and mainly procrastinated.

What did I post on social media: Nothing specific.

 

Maintained habits:

-Water the plants - I think they're good.

-Prep food - Had leftovers.

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done.

-Make the bed - Going to do it in a second.

-Drink enough water - Done.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Done.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Had a drink on my own.

-Meditation - Had some great moments of focus in the physical exercise room today.

-Exercise once this week - I think I'm nailing it this week.

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Day 31. "Space."

I began yesterday angered. I truly don't understand how people successfully balance work, a social life, maintaining their physical and mental health and their family and household. There are so many different things catapulted your way and you're just supposed to juggle all of them and not drop a single thing? It's an impossible task. It's like everybody is in some kind of race or competition, eager to try for victory. But there's the rub. You can't win. There's no certainties except taxes and death. And you start this thing with nobody telling you that you just can't win. 

But after a moment of mindfulness in the park, in the middle of the woods, I came to a realization. You can't lose either. This isn't like chess, there's no real good or bad moves.

They're just moves. I think the more important thing to focus on instead of what moves are the 'right' ones that would lead to 'victory', you should ask yourself if they're the right moves for you. Who are you? What are the hills you'll die on defending them. What are your immovable principles and points? 

After I'd collected myself a bit, I headed to my new office space. Where Starterslab is located, they're also a larger facility that houses co-working spaces, office areas you can rent, meeting rooms, and so on... It's a sweet pad. Modern stuff. Standing desks, ergonomic seating, ... I'm a bit more focused here and it's rather cheap. Totally worth it.

The bunny we're taking care of might leave back to its owner on Sunday. It's breaking my heart. I never had a pet before. I wouldn't know what to do if something were to happen to her. I already started my petition to collect as much signatures as possible. I'd need to get the owners' and I'm going to add each and every renter too, to add power to my point.

 

Recent highlight: Sitting in the part of the park I call the 'Fingerwoods' (because of the shape of the trees and branches, they seem like hands coming out of the earth) and being still.

Budget status: I think I'll have to start adding some of my past expenses to my Starterslab. I don't like having to save receipts, it's such a messy thing.

My one goal for the next 24h: Get as many neighbors to sign my sheet, supporting our claim to let us have our two bunnies. I'm going to take that to the building owners and convince them that bunnies are okay, won't cause trouble or damage anything and secure our new pets!

What did I read today: Another chapter of Life's A Pitch, this time on business lunches

My chore of the day: Vacuumed the place

How I spent the 2 hours of focus progresssing my business today: Found a new name for my business, emails, learned more about voice demos, ... Had a meeting for my first ever wedding gig as a host. I'm looking forward to it!

What did I post on social media: A pic of my new workspace.

 

Maintained habits:

-Water the plants - I think they're fine? We've moved them outside because of the bunny, some of them are dying but I don't understand why. They've been a bit under the weather since the beginning though.

-Prep food - Done and also SO did it.

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done.

-Make the bed - Done.

-Drink enough water - First bottle down, second incoming.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Done. 

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Nothing today or yesterday.

-Meditation - The stint in the park was lovely.

-Exercise once this week - My first boxing class tomorrow morning.

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Day 33. "Empty space."

The bunny left. It returned to its original owner. Lou spent about 4 weeks with us because she was too dominant and hurt her sisters. Their owners got a bigger male bunny, Maurice, to keep the peace. Bunnies are rather territorial and so the process of getting all 3 of them to get along at the same time was a slow and gradual thing. But in the mean time I totally got attached. I'm super aware of how empty this place suddenly is. I'm really happy we're getting some fluffballs of our own. I just got to take care of the landlord...

I should call said landlord. Renting laws got an update and it's no longer allowed to forbid renters to keep pets, despite what your contract says. But he's some type of lawyer so he said that this is a privately owned building and that means they can pick rules like 'no animals allowed in the building' and get away with it because building rules are different from renting laws. I called building management and they confirmed. But now that I've started a petition and have talked to about every single neighbor here, I've discovered there's loads of animals here, but hidden away. A landlord has to notify you 24 hours in advance if he were to come by, so lots of people take their chances it seems. I'm still going to try the legal way and try to convince either him or the other 5 private partial owners. If I can get a majority, we can overrule him. I'd rather not have to do this whole crusade, but I will if I'm pushed.

-Edit- I called the landlord but was unable to persuade him. DAMN. Now I'll have to go the long way around and try to convince the other owners of the building... But the odds aren't great. I might look into what the possible fines or consequences could be of doing it anyway.

I'm super sore from boxing. But holy shit was that fun! Like everything hurts. Which is normal after sitting down for so long. I've committed to two trainings a week with personal coaching. They have rather small groups, like 12 max, in comparison to other boxing clubs (30 people per training). So I like how personal they're able to work. And it shows. They are growing like crazy. I'd like to get the techniques down and my fitness up in 'recreation' and try to get to 'intermediate' in a few months. I think I'd love being able to spar. But first I have to train my body up to get to their level. I just hope my clothes will still fit me after I bulk up and my scrawny body will suddenly be bulging with muscles and glistening with sweat and testosterone.

 

Recent highlight: The post-workout euphoria I got from the boxing training.

Budget status: Nothing specific to report. 

My one goal for the next 24h: Finish my paperwork and expenses

What did I read today: A chapter of Life's a Pitch on being confident or at the very least seeming so.

My chore of the day: Took our blanket to the drycleaner's.

How I spent the 2 hours of focus progresssing my business today: Emails, tried my hand at paperwork, did another digital casting, ...

What did I post on social media: Another pic of my reel.

 

Maintained habits:

-Water the plants - Done.

-Prep food - Not done.

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done 🙂 

-Make the bed - Not done.

-Drink enough water - First bottle down, but I've got some catching up to do.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day -  Done.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Had some sad beers and fries last night. My heart kind of got broken by Lou leaving 😞 

-Meditation - Does boxing count as some form of meditation?

-Exercise once this week - Got the boxing done Sunday morning, there's a few days of recovery now and then physical therapy on Wednesday.

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Day 34. "Sour."

Well, adopting the bunnies seems to be an issue. Renting laws are on our side, our landlord can't touch us in that aspect. But building regulations is a separate set of laws and those remain untouched. Because the building is privately owned, he can legally forbid animals in the apartment building. Even if we'd have to settle through court, it would depend on the type of judge we'd get. I tried calling him when feeling confident and was unable to persuade him. Now that he's onto us, it's rather hard to adopt them anyways and try to hide them. If we're caught, I'm pretty sure we'd regret it. I'm not sure if the consequences would be truly dangerous, but the relationship with him would turn sour. Much like my mood today.

It sucks. We're doing everything the way we should and we still can't get it. Meanwhile, 2 neighbors confided in us that they did it anyways, without notifying him. So they are being sneaky and are clandestinely getting away with it. UGH. My SO also noted that I'm used to being able to persuade people through charisma, confidence and tenacity. Thus I'm doubly pissed that even my most honed skills aren't cutting it. What kind of a speaker am I if I can't convince him?

It's also a sour day because I have to pay for the damage I did with the car. It's 1500 bucks down the drain. Half my savings. I know that this is why it's there. And it's better to pay the dude under the table instead of using my insurance because my SO is a brand new driver and thus statistically speaking there might be another accident in the next year or two. My broker is a great guy and he advised me to just pay the dude and be done with it if I can.

My SO had a co-worker over to work together, they had music playing, ... I just couldn't focus. The above stuff pissed me off so much I could hardly concentrate. I'm spending more time in the office nowadays.

 

Recent highlight: The stress lifting after I'd done my paperwork.

Budget status: Well, obviously the -1500 is a major setback... And there's still about 650 I have to pay somebody else because of paperwork. I don't like being in debt though... This sucks. Maybe a second quarantine where I don't go out or order food would help?

My one goal for the next 24h: Fold the laundry, as much of it as possible!

What did I read today: Another chapter of Life's a Pitch, on the use of insults and malice.

My chore of the day: Folding laundry and rearranging our baskets (they've been in disarray every since I got the wheelchair)

How I spent the 2 hours of focus progresssing my business today: Administration, bookkeeping to be specific. Location scouting for my showreel. And figuring out my business name.

What did I post on social media: Some stuff about location scouting.

 

Maintained habits:

-Water the plants - Was raining today so cool.

-Prep food - Defrosted some fresh pasta and some homemade sauce

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done.

-Make the bed - I'll do it in a sec.

-Drink enough water - One bottle down already, two to go.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day -  Done.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Nothing yesterday.

-Meditation - I might visit the park again soon. But I'd prefer nice weather to these cold showers.

-Exercise once this week - Physical therapy tomorrow.

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1 hour ago, Phoenixking said:

We're doing everything the way we should and we still can't get it. Meanwhile, 2 neighbors confided in us that they did it anyways, without notifying him. So they are being sneaky and are clandestinely getting away with it. UGH.

That's nice, but I guess it'd be helpful to motivate them to take some small action, such as if all the pet owners "suddenly" asked to allow pets in the building over the next couple of days. Imagine him getting a call every day from a different person asking to have a pet in their flat 😄

Regardless, if they're being sneaky, that means your neighbors are okay with status quo which actually works against you as the sincere guy. 

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19 hours ago, Ikar said:

That's nice, but I guess it'd be helpful to motivate them to take some small action, such as if all the pet owners "suddenly" asked to allow pets in the building over the next couple of days. Imagine him getting a call every day from a different person asking to have a pet in their flat 😄

Regardless, if they're being sneaky, that means your neighbors are okay with status quo which actually works against you as the sincere guy. 

I was thining the same. But they'd be taking a big risk for me. Because if he says no to them, like to me, they'd potentially be either losing their relationship with him or worse... I'm not sure they'd do that. They also advised me to do it anyways and that it'd be our secret.

I've also thought about mailing or calling him daily. Wearing him down. But the whole point would be to avoid the relationship turning sour.

We're seeing a legal counsel next week. Via mail they, surprisingly, also advised us to do it anways and not tell a soul. He's already onto our intentions, but the legal counsel said something about the European treaty on the rights of human. We've already talked about it and if a couple of bunnies we like turn up for adoption, we're taking them regardless.

The consequences be damned.

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Day 35. "Breath."

Did my physical exercise today, felt great. I'm starting to love working out more and more. I hope to be boxing by next week. I'm actually looking forward to it!

I finished clearing out our laundry yesterday and though sometimes work stuff goes slower than I'd hope, I do get the feeling I'm in constant motion. I feel happy, productive and in flux.

I can't put my finger on it, but I feel more in control somehow.

 

Recent highlight: Physical therapy. Very cathartic.

Budget status: Well, I'm not rich. Not poor just yet. I think the next few months are going to matter like crazy and will decide if I'll be able to create an upswing or not. That and Covid-19.

My one goal for the next 24h: Go talk to my neighbor about him owning a cat and if he's keeping quiet about it too.

What did I read today: Another chapter of Life's A Pitch, on creative intelligence.

My chore of the day: De-clutter the study to make our hampers fit.

How I spent the 2 hours of focus progresssing my business today: Location scouting a bit, an email or two and I was going to figure out the 'name of my company' thing for a bit. I ended up finding a good name and will post about it tomorrow on my social media to see if it's a solid choice or not.

What did I post on social media: Something about location scouting.

 

Maintained habits:

-Water the plants - It rained today so it's fine. Now that the focus is on the bunnies, there's less attention for the plants since they are a hazard to them.

-Prep food - Ate leftovers from yesterday. SO has gone to dinner.

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done.

-Make the bed - Done.

-Drink enough water - Almost to the end, downed about 3 or 4 bottles today.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day -  Done.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Had a drink yesterday and one today. I find it hard to drink soda just like that, but I also find it hard to see it go to waste in the fridge. So I make mixers.

-Meditation - I feel like going to the park again might be nice, but I'm not sure I'll find a moment in the next few days.

-Exercise once this week - Just finished my physical exercise.

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Day 36. "Bunnies."

We visited a shelter today. Lost quite a bit of work-time because of it. I don't regret it but... Well... I've been reading up on bunnies and their care a lot. That place seemed... strange.

Usually if you keep bunnies, you spay or neuter them. It makes them less territorial, less aggressive toward each other and your wooden furniture and is healthier towards their future. Also, no surprise 100000 bunnies under your couch. Bunnies are also super fragile. Mess with their food or something else and they can get sick or even die. The bunny place we visited neither spays, neuters or vaccinates them. Bunnies are social creatures but also fierce, making coupling them a very specific process to be able to master. This woman just kind of threw them all together. It just smells like trouble. She also claimed that males can co-exist with each other, whereas we've already experienced that as a rarity.

Despite it all, she had this male bunny that was super cute, energetic and prone to cuddling and licking. Obviously, my SO was smitten. I tried to maintain a cool head. If we want to adopt it, we can and paying for sterilization and vaccinations is peanuts. It's just that coupling thing... They're still fertile for a few weeks after the treatment. So we'd have to take him in and in bunny world, that means our place is now his territory. Super hard for another bunny to come into that world easily. You should either couple them together in a neutral place, or start with both of them together on day 1. But that's rather hard since he'll still be fertile for a few weeks so ... UGH. We're seeing 2 new bunny shelters on Saturday. My SO is in love with this one because it's so cuddly and loving. I understand and agree, but I feel like I should be pragmatic right now. We rule our lives, not the bunnies. This process should be made as simple as possible, we already have enough on our plate.

 

Recent highlight: Visiting the shelter. ALL OF THE BUNNIES. And the woman had a few free roaming turtles in her yard. And some funky chickens!

Budget status: Well, I'm about to be 1600 bucks lighter, so not really happy about that...

My one goal for the next 24h: Have fun at the first improv training I've had in 6 months!

What did I read today: Another chapter of Life's A Pitch, on visual language (nearing the end of the book now!)

My chore of the day: Laundry and hanging said laundry to dry

How I spent the 2 hours of focus progresssing my business today: Emails, paperwork and some location scouting. Not a very productive day today because we lost so much time on the bunny thing and traffic.

What did I post on social media: A post about changing the name of my business because of SEO or not.

 

Maintained habits:

-Water the plants - It rained again so I feel they're fine.

-Prep food - Had takeout again and still not hungry. Might have some bread later.

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done.

-Make the bed - Done.

-Drink enough water -  First sip down, was away for the better part of the day.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day -  Done.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Nothing today, had a beer and a G&T yesterday.

-Meditation - I might go to the park if the weather picks up

-Exercise once this week - I am going to delete this to make the diary shorter. I'll now have physical therapy once a week and one or two boxing trainings if all goes well. It seems less relevant now to track this.

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10 hours ago, Phoenixking said:

This process should be made as simple as possible, we already have enough on our plate.

Not to mention that you now have to start planting carrots! Haha! Good luck on the new companions. 😄

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5 hours ago, chiliflavor said:

Not to mention that you now have to start planting carrots! Haha! Good luck on the new companions. 😄

Hahaha. True! XD Altough they mostly eat hay and some leafy greens. Carrots are actually a common misconception because of Bugs Bunny! They're chock full of sugars, give 1 carrot to a bunny and he'll keep shitting themselves in the next few hours because they can't digest all of the sugars well.

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Day 37. "Fixing."

So yesterday a dude came by to make a screen door for us, we got a message from our local nature department telling us that our registration for a free curbside garden has been approved and today a dude came by to take a look at our washing machine. Upgrades and maintenance! Yay! Sucks that it all costs money though XD

We're still thinking of the cute cuddly bunny we saw yesterday. But the conditions he was being kept in and the lady taking care of him... Hmm... I look forward to visiting a few adoption places tomorrow and both scouting for cool bunnies to adopt and talking to carers who are waaaay more credible and reliable than that lady we saw. I hope we can adopt him and get some help from one of the other places while we get our ducks in a row and find him a little buddy to hang out with. My SO was incredibly mature about it and said that even though she loves him, if we find some bunny we like and it's more pragmatic to choose that one over him, we should. 

Also, our neighbors are da bomb. They moved in a year ago, but recently we've been becoming friends more and more. They're kind of celebrities. The dude is a boxer and his older brother is a 5 time European boxing champion. They also both participated in a dating show called Temptation Island. I'm usually pretty hard on those participants because they seem dumb and trashy. But these two really are hitting it off with us! Especially the dude. We talked about boxing and our mutual love for Japan. He's got about 60k+ followers on his IG and his SO has got about 115k+. They suggested that when my website and marketing stuff is done, they'd give me a shout out on their socials and give me some free ad space. How cool is that?!

 

Recent highlight: Talking to my cool boxing neighbor. Swell guy.

Budget status: Didn't do it today.

My one goal for the next 24h: Test my audio gear and maybe record my first of 4 demos. 2 comical and two serious ones, in 2 languages.

What did I read today: Final chapter of Life's A Pitch. I'll now start reading a book called Gentleman. It's about how to dress properly, trim your beard, and so on...

My chore of the day: Finished doing the dishes.

How I spent the 2 hours of focus progresssing my business today: Prepped some scripts for my audio demo. Didn't have time to record, though...

What did I post on social media: A pic of bunnies.

 

Maintained habits:

-Water the plants - I used an app to determine any illnesses but it seems they're okay for now.

-Prep food - Having takeout later today with friends while we play boardgames.

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done.

-Make the bed - Done.

-Drink enough water -  First bottle down, second incoming.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day -  Done.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Nothing yesterday.

-Meditation - I was hoping to hit the park this weekend to find some peace and quiet, but it starting to look quite busy.

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Day 40. "Just walk away."

We had a very busy weekend. I spent Friday night with my friends playing board games. We ended up having the most crazy UNO-match ever. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard over something so silly. Good guys, those dudes.

The day after we scoured a few adoption places for bunnies. I'll save you the details but we ended up adopting 1 boy, a super enthousiastic cuddly fellow we agreed to name Abel. We're picking him up this weekend and dropping him at the second shelter where his soon to be mate resides. We're still thinking of a name for her. Maybe Ariadne? They're going to take care of neutering him, vaccinations and recovery. All the while trying to see if they could be buddies or not. If they couldn't (since rabbits are kind of territorial and don't get along which each one per se) we'd still get a shot at another girl with another shelter. But for now, it's looking great!

And finally, I walked away from some crazy temptations, while drunk, and with the help of my amazing SO. We were at a party and really letting go. They're neighbors of ours and so we could drink and eat lots because we didn't need to drive home or had any plans in the morning. We had a blast until... We moved from the patio to their living room, to spare the other residents of the buildings around us the noise, and the booted up their gaming console... 

Now we'd come around to theirs really early, they'd been playing a game I'm great at when we came in. I heard the sounds, the music... It all came rushing back to me. I could feel the monkey on my back clucking for another fix. They'd shut it off to be polite and talk instead. That's when I admitted to the addiction and clarified the severity. They responded with disbelief and awe as people usually do. Drug or alcohol addiction, people get that. Other stuff that the common shit, that's harder to imagine. So when he booted up the console later that night, it stung.

I could already feel my willpower sliding away. My SO saved my ass. I'd looked at her, wide eyed and mouthed 'HELP' wordlessly. She intervened, said it was late and we needed to go and we left. I told her how grateful I was. I would have relapsed if it wouldn't have been for her... What a rock. I'm planning on having a talk with the guy. I know he didn't mean it badly. I just want to emphasize how much trouble that would have given me and that I'd rather he not tempt me ever again. I'm not sure if they realize that the console was the reason we left so abruptly.

 

Recent highlight: Adopting the bunnies.And the feeling of relief and victory after our exit at the party.

Budget status: Well, I was able to postpone paying for the car crash. The dude has sent a preliminary offer from his garage, not an actual invoice. After some digging I found out the garage is partly owned by his sister or mother (I found out they have stock in the company through public databases). Seeing as I found it shifty, I'd prefer he let his car be repaired and I pay for an official invoice. If afterwards it turns out that I overpayed or they pocketed some of the money, I'd have proof on my side.

My one goal for the next 24h: Try to be as productive as possible. Squeeze in a few minutes of work here and there.

What did I read today: A chapter of 'Gentleman' on beards and shaving.

My chore of the day: I did the dishes, made food and took care of my sick SO.

How I spent the 2 hours of focus progresssing my business today: Nothing crazy. Location is now found and set for the shoot I was planning. The rest of the time went to fiddling with audio equipment.

What did I post on social media: A chess pic. My buddy and I went to play some at the park nearby.

 

Maintained habits:

-Water the plants - Done.

-Prep food - Made stew.

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done.

-Make the bed - Done!

-Drink enough water -  First two bottles down.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day -  Done. Though I'm missing one of my tiny cleaning brushes.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Nothing yesterday.

-Meditation - I'm going for a walk with my friends in a bit and there's boxing tomorrow morning.

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Hi!

I am glad you are doing so well! Thank you for sharing your story here. I read and love all of your posts even tho I don’t comment!

Adopting a bunny sounds really great! I am glad you found a boy you liked... and I hope it works out between him and the girl!

Your neighbors sound awesome and I am so glad they can help with your business. I really hope once you get your website and marketing ready, things really take off.

That was so cool of your partner to help you out when the senses from gaming overwhelmed you. She sounds very encouraging, loving and supportive.  You are so lucky!

I hope you guys have a great week and everything continues to fall in place! 

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10 hours ago, Icandothis said:

Hi!

I am glad you are doing so well! Thank you for sharing your story here. I read and love all of your posts even tho I don’t comment!

Adopting a bunny sounds really great! I am glad you found a boy you liked... and I hope it works out between him and the girl!

Your neighbors sound awesome and I am so glad they can help with your business. I really hope once you get your website and marketing ready, things really take off.

That was so cool of your partner to help you out when the senses from gaming overwhelmed you. She sounds very encouraging, loving and supportive.  You are so lucky!

I hope you guys have a great week and everything continues to fall in place! 

Ah, jeez, this is so cute and warm of you. It's nice to know there's somebody out there watching me ^^

Yeah, I'm super excited. He's safe in a proper shelter right now, owned and cared for by a vet-in-training. The actual vet she frequents with the animals she cares for is on holiday. So he'll only get sterilized on the 3rd. Then he'll get his shots on the 10th ish. After those they're going to see if the two of them get along, if so, we'll have two happy and healthy bunnies in our household by the end of August. I'm super excited!

Yeah, my SO is amazing. There's no lack of love here. A bit more organization might be nice sometimes though. She's a great SO but a terrible housemate sometimes XD

Thank you! Same goes to you!

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Day 42. "Keep fighting."

Boxing knocked me the fuck out. I had my first real practice at 7 am. I'm able to use an app to select which training sessions to attend. It's pretty popular so sometimes you don't have a lot of choice. Still, I was excited. Starting the day with a workout is healthy, right? DAMN. It kicked my ass. I really had to go in the red a lot. But I persevered. I didn't make it until the end of the practice, I got through about 87,5% of the last set of exercises. Whatever happened, I didn't want to quit. The rest of the participants had already left because they were done with their exercises so the trainers were looking at me the whole time, correcting me where necessary. I'd rather faint or vomit than give up in front of them. I know that's not healthy, but it was my first time and I wanted to show them what I was made of. It felt cool to have done a workout with a personal trainer. I look forward to next time. When I was going home, I was so tired, mentally and physically, I was sure I'd vomit in the car or out the window. I couldn't listen to the radio because it was too much stimulation. I dragged my sorry and sore ass to my couch and was terrified my low blood sugar would cause me to pass out or something. But I eventually recovered. Now I'll get some sports drinks, bananas and have a proper breakfast.

 

Recent highlight: Adopting the first bunny and driving it's cute fluffy lionhead face to the shelter where they'll fix him and pair him up with his soon to be buddy.

Budget status: I'm fixing to get some cash back from Starterslab, my expenses get paid after all. It's just that I can't get any profits from it as long as I'm on unemployment money.

My one goal for the next 24h: Go scout the location of the photoshoot I'm prepping for my marketing tomorrow morning.

What did I read today: Nothing. A bit too tired.

My chore of the day: I took out the trash. But there's still vacuuming and cleaning to go, and there's the small issue of black mold in our living room and fixing the car before rust sets in.

How I spent the 2 hours of focus progresssing my business today: Barely had any time. I did spend some time on mails, missed a big gig and did some paperwork.

What did I post on social media: Nothing really.

 

Maintained habits:

-Water the plants - Not done.

-Prep food - SO made food.

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done.

-Make the bed - Not done. 

-Drink enough water - First bottle and a half down.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day -  

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Had a beer after a tiring and stressful day. Drove around for a few hours and experienced the SO smashing into a car while backing up.

-Meditation - Went to the park, had a lovely time.

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Day 44. "Forced positive."

This time I survived the boxing practice. Last time I was practically dead afterwards. But I've learned to respect my limits. I seek them out, play with them, but I won't overexert myself like last time. I do mind my diet and health waaaay more now. I notice that my body's not really reacting very well to greasy food, alcohol and soft drinks. My coach keeps hammering on about drinking enough water, having lots of protein and carbs to give my body the fuel to both recover and also prep for the next class. I can feel my body losing weight and changing.

I also noticed my knees started to hurt as soon as I had 1 week where I didn't have the time to work out. That's.... worrying... 

That means that I'm actually stuck on working out two or three times a week, seemingly forever. To be able to survive something like that, I need to change my diet a bit and mind what I eat way more. A cure for my problem, yes. A healthier lifestyle, yes that too. But it's never been my choice to be this type of sports freak. I didn't have the ambition do make all of these changes to my body. I kind of have to. I'm grateful I'm out of my wheelchair and some would argue this is no price to pay for a solution compared to somebody who has cancer and needs chemo. But it's apples and oranges. In my reality, the knee problems and the fear of having to go back to a wheelchair are real. I look forward to every practice. I can feel myself getting better and I like getting pushed to my limits. I'm even secretly hoping to become a bit more muscular. It's nice. Positive. It just sucks that I wasn't allowed a choice in the matter.

 

Recent highlight: Boxing practice and getting personal coaching from the trainer himself because my partner fell out due to bad cardio.

Budget status: Looking at the end of the month coming up, I don't want to touch a single cent of my savings, but it seems like I'm going to need every buck I can scrounge up right now...

My one goal for the next 24h: Get a present for my niece tomorrow morning somehow...

What did I read today: A chapter of 'Gentleman' about hairstyles and products and personal grooming.

My chore of the day: Laundry; my sports stuff and colored clothes.

How I spent the 2 hours of focus progresssing my business today: Not exactly two hours, but I did send some messages around to find a make-up artist and a camera assistant; also looked at the stuff I'd be doing next week during my first wedding gig.

What did I post on social media: a workout pic

 

Maintained habits:

-Water the plants - I think they're okay for now. We had a slight drizzle.

-Prep food - SO did it.

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done.

-Make the bed - Not done.

-Drink enough water - Because of boxing practice, I'm over halfway there already today.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Done.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Because of boxing, I'm thinking of changing up my drinking habits, coffee included, majorly.

-Meditation - It felt great to focus solely on my fists and body for about an hour.

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Day 47. "Dad."

My grandpa celebrated his 91st birthday this weekend so we went out to dinner with him to his favorite eel restaurant (don't ask). We'd encountered our dad months before this and had agreed to see him again sometime. My sister really wanted to get herself a bit better by getting to know him some more. I had had way more contact with him and his new family years ago, but learned that they're pretty dysfunctional and toxic so I went no-contact. So my sis is more curious about him, whereas I strongly feel he's a burning train wreck of a man, infecting everything he touches with his glib false promises. Initially it seemed as if grandpa invited him without asking us, a fact that angered me greatly since he, even despite his old age making him a bit less lucid, knows that there's been terrible infighting. After the dinner my sister admitted to having asked grandpa to invite him. I guess her daughterly feelings got the best of her. I kept mentioning throughout the days before the dinner that it's a bad idea, will invite trouble and pain and is not worth the potential dismay or disillusionment. Little did I know I'd be disappointed in her afterwards instead of him.

I felt like I should just not do it. I felt like my grandfather had no right of springing him up on us like that. A public restaurant and an occasion where we celebrate his 91st is not exactly the appropriate setting to converse with our long lost dad. He abandoned us, started a new family we're not allowed to be a part of, he doesn't seek us out or even during a 2-3 hour conversation ask us what we do, who we've become or what we like. He stole the life savings our family members pooled for us over the course of our childhood and teenage years, he neglected to pay alimony to my mom when she was a single mother trying to raise the two spawns from hell we'd become and had the audacity to only allow 1 child at a time in his new home and the moment we slighted somebody at the least were kicked out to allow the other in. Stuff like that fucks you up. It ingrains the idea that you're not a good person, not good enough of a son or daughter and subtly manipulated fierce emotional competition between her and me. To this day we're still trying to repair that. 

How dare he show up like that. It felt like he was being allowed to reap the benefits of getting to know us now that the troublesome parts of having to raise us to adults are behind us, without having to have had dealt with all of our teenage angst, trauma, depressions, addictions, therapy sessions, money issues, suicide attempts, eating disorders, sleeping disorders and auto-mutilation sessions. We've grown up and conquered crazy difficult and complex emotions. We've built lasting and warm relationships and built ourselves a little castle filled with lights and lovely people. How dare he expect he'd get to knock on the castle doors and be let in like that before spending time wading through the thick moat?

My sister claimed she 'needed this'. She needed to find some peace and wanted to ask him about his childhood, his current relationship and his new daughter, the now 15-year old half-sister we never truly got to connect with. I ended up telling her I'd prefer to let my love for her take the reigns rather than my hatred for him. I agreed to meet. I was eager to cancel though. But a promise is a promise. I gritted my teeth and bared through the bullshit. I didn't share anything about my life, I didn't want to give him any ammunition. He doesn't deserve to know what an amazing person I've become. 

I'd like to think my sister got out of it what she wanted. But I'm afraid this is going to hurt her in the long run. If it's a mistake, I should let her make it and learn from it.Two sad things came out of it all. I feel a bit betrayed by her. We'd agreed to always stand firm together against him. But the entire thing started with her lying to me about asking grandpa to invite him. And the second this is that we've always wondered about our long lost half-sister. I was in her life for about a year. I took her to ballet practice, picked her up from school. I miss her and feel guilty for having to leave her behind with world's most toxic Statler and Waldorf. My sister and I'd always hoped that she'd escape their crazy claws one day when her teenage hormones would lead her to rebel against her parents. But after my Sis asked about her, I kind of lost that naivete. She's grown up to be a loner. She does ballet, knows piano and fences. She plays a lot of video games, doesn't like company and will just not talk for hours. She like going to school but not socializing because she feels like everybody else is dumber than she is and she doesn't like dealing with them. She seems to grow up in a household where merit, skill and results are more important that values, identity and emotional growth. My dad's relationship is more like a social contract. His SO is a nurse and works nights, whereas he wakes up at 3 am to start working and will be home around noon. So whenever 1 is awake, the other is always sleeping. He mentioned that sometimes can weeks go by before they run into each other. It doesn't like she's getting to grow up to be a mentally healthy, happy person. I know it's not my responsibility, I'm not her guardian or her dad. But I can't help but feel bad for her. I just wish I could someday be someone positive to her.

I sent a long text message to my sister about how I understand why she did what she did, but it still feels like betrayal. I hope we'll call and talk tonight or tomorrow.

 

Recent highlight: My SO being a rock. My family loves her, my mom texted her in private what a great influence she is on me and how she loves her as a part of the family.

Budget status: Not looking good... I'm headed towards major issues if my photo shoot doesn't pan out. 

My one goal for the next 24h: Clobber the bag at boxing practice in a few hours. The encounter with my dad and my sister's lie, combined with more dire corona-measure have got me down in the dumps. But I'll feel better after boxing, I'm sure.

What did I read today: A chapter on underwear from 'Gentleman'. The next one is a huge chapter on shirts, collar types and how to maintain and take care of them. I oddly look forward to it. The more I learn about clothes and couture, the more I'm into it. Same goes for boxing too. I like exploring new avenues of stuff I turn out to really enjoy!

My chore of the day: Did the dishes.

How I spent the 2 hours of focus progressing my business today: Got my full crew for my photo shoot and started negotiating prices, checked if the wedding event is still on, nothing further atm. I didn't want to start prepping in case the effort would be lost due to the possibility of a cancellation.

What did I post on social media: Nothing really.

 

Maintained habits:

-Water the plants - SO did it.

-Prep food - Cleaned the veggies and started cooking, SO finished it.

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done.

-Make the bed - Not done. Since our foster-bunny peed on the comforter, we've been using only covers. Each of us has their own set. It's too hot for a comforter anyways. So often, we leave them in the bed. It's impossible to make the bed with 2 loose comforter covers.

-Drink enough water - Down a bottle or two already, but I have boxing in a few hours so I'm sure I'll make it anyways.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Once done, I'll brush the second time before I go to bed.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Nothing for two days. I'm majorly toning down my alcohol use

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