Jump to content
Bugg

Bugg's Journal

Recommended Posts

Thanks @Tycoon and @Arch
Yeah, I'm working on the singing and playing thing, I guess I'd put it on the backburner when I stopped singing but perhaps it's time to really put some effort into that. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 19

Had work today, it went well as I was working with a really lovely member of staff all day. Came home and did some sewing to fix my slippers, called my mum to discuss some things. Been craving The Sims a ton recently, I just keep telling myself it's better to live my own life than to waste time simulating a virtual one..

Yesterday was pretty crappy, or I felt crappy and very on edge, tho in hindsight it was still pretty productive, and I did manage to meditate in the end too, I meditated this morning before work as well. 

My dad called me late last night to tell me my Grandad has cancer, which sucks. It's really advanced and there's not a lot they can do. I'm not dwelling on it since it's totally out of my control, there is literally nothing I can do, I don't even live close by right now so I can't go and see him. It did bring me back to reality somewhat though. I'm always grateful for my own health and that of my family and generally don't take that for granted, but it reminded me how lucky I am, despite the difficulties that sometimes occur. 

Gratitude: 1. A mostly healthy family 2. NHS care 3. Museli 4. Chia seeds 5. Tidy spaces 6. The Minimalists 7. Respawn 8. Singing 9. The happiness of others 10. A loving family

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 20.
20 days, wow.

Today has been ok, been at work, my manager is still being awful but I'm trying to just get on with my work and rise above the drama. I have a feeling I'm gonna get called into a meeting with the big boss tomorrow, but; it is what it is and what will be will be. For tonight I'm making a Sunday dinner with Tempeh, and then I'm gonna get on with scanning and sorting through my things as part of the big declutter, whilst listening to podcasts. It feels good to finally have the time to do this. Hobbies have been pretty much put on hold, but I still feel like I'm making positive progress with something I've been working towards for a while. Still meditating daily tho.  

Gratitude; 1. My bonsai 2. Spring 3. Waking up in time for sunrise 4. Meditation 5. The NHS 6. My loving family 7. Minimalism 8. Salad 9. Fresh, cold water 10. Charity shops

Edited by Bugg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 21

Had work, came home, showered, currently listening the The Minimalists podcasts whilst I continue to declutter my house. Work wasn't too bad today, I think the threats from my boss may have been bluffs as nothing has come of them, but I'm being careful none-the-less. Meditated this morning, been doing well to drink plenty of water, gonna work out tomorrow as I've let that habit slip recently (I struggle to exercise on work days if I'm working mornings). Gonna make myself a tempeh burger for dinner soon, yumm. Guitar and German practice still on the backburner atm, decluttering is taking up all my motivation at the moment. I'm not stressing though. Still craving games, was daydreaming of games today and yesterday, still plodding on and not going back. Still thinking about my Grandad, still sad, obviously, but that's life I guess. 

Gratitude: 1. Taking a moment to stop 2. Little Pip 3. Nice things 4. Determination 5. Blue skies 6. Fluffy clouds 7. Trees 8. Podcasts 9. Movies 10. Essential oils

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A surreal moment. As I declutter my house I have found the invoice for when I purchased my PS4. 

When I'd been at uni I'd only had an xbox 360, I'd played all my games to death prior to uni and found it fairly easy to avoid playing during my studies, with the exception of my DS. Once uni was nearing a close I bought myself the PS4 as an early graduation present. The invoice tells me I made this purchase on March 13th 2017. Looking back over this journal I finally sold it on March 15th 2018. Pretty close to a year later, only 2 days off! 

What really stands out to me about this is it took less than a year for gaming to become a problem area in my life again. This shows that even after the detox, be that for 90, 180 or even 365 days, the reality is if I allowed gaming back in, it doesn't take long at all for it to take over completey. I gamed a lot before uni. I pretty much spent 5 years stoned on the couch with a controller in my hand; I used to joke that Saints Row was the greatest stoner game because I could cruise control and still hold a spliff, haha. My life was a mess.
During my time at uni I was still gaming, on PC, on DS, but I had fairly decent control over it as I was so focused on my degree - and so paranoid about failing. (I also had a good handle on my weed habits, and today have almost entirely quit with the exception of the odd social gathering). 

Point being; I can't go back. 

After the detox I may play some DS, but also I may not. That's something I haven't decided on yet. But as for consoles and PC games, I think they're pretty much gone for good. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 22

Had a little lie in today, first chance since the clocks changed, I think I needed it. Got up, meditated, made breakfast and extra for work since I’ll be sleeping there the next 2 nights. May or may not update tomorrow as I’ll be at work all day, literally. Also made my evening meals for work too, gonna be having chilli. Nom. Good food makes the long shifts easier. I finally did a proper workout, went for a full body rather than a set group since it’s been so long. Pleased to see I haven’t lost too much strength. I really need to work on my pull-ups. 

Gratitude: 1. Nightmares that remind me that life could be worse 2. Birdsong 3. Cups of tea 4. Cinnamon raisin oats 5. Tidy spaces 6. Sunshiny sunshine 7. The ability to let go 8. Patience and understanding 9. Empathy 10. Nature

Been craving games all morning, there’s a bird outiside that sounds just like the sparrowmint from viva piñata.. makes me wanna sit and design a garden. Craving gta and a bunch of other stuff. Sigh. 

Getting frustrated that there are so many things I want to do with my time each day, but there doesn’t feel like there is enough time in the day to do them all, and when I put my head down and try and do them all I end up totally burnt out. I’ve felt like this as long as I can remember, and I think turning to games or tv and neglecting almost everything else was my way of dealing with that frustration.  

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you for sharing. I wouldn't worry too much about whatever topics you wish to bring up. It's your journal, after all. Express yourself however you wish! 

Gaming is never really the true problem anyways. Once you stop you have to deal with all the shit that comes up as a result, the shit you can no longer hide from. It's completely different for everyone. And there's definitely nothing to be ashamed about. Being open with what's troubling you the most takes real courage. Not everybody is willing to be honest with themselves, or with others. Hope this helps.

Edited by JSmith
  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 3/29/2018 at 7:53 PM, Bugg said:

I can't talk to anyone about it in real life, because all of the people who knew about my disorder are now so proud of me for beating it, how am I supposed to admit to them that actually, I haven't quite recovered yet, and that I can feel myself getting worse on a daily basis. And even of those people who knew about my disorder, none of them truly understood it I don't think. I know this forum isn't the place for this, but I truly think this has resurfaced because I've taken games out of my life, and so I felt it appropriate to write it here. I don't even know why I'm justifying my honesty. I think I'm ashamed to even admit it here.

Hi. Thanks for sharing. I'm very passionate about this kind of topic so I would like to make a few points

Who says you can't? Allow me to be a little harsh here and say that it's your ego in the way, and putting it aside and being vulnerable (but honest) and telling the people around you about this would be a big step in overcoming this issue. Issues that are locked up and kept secret tend to fester and cause negative and draining emotional and behavioural patterns to keep it a secret, while expressing it frees up the stress and energy spent worrying about people "finding out", expresses it, and opens you up to seeing that everyone else is actually going through similar issues. We're all flawed, imperfect humans. Not just here, everywhere.

Furthermore, what actually happens is that people value authenticity and vulnerability much much more than the all-pervading facade everyone's always wearing. It's like a breath of fresh air, and again, EVERYONE has their own problems and insecurities, and it's a relief seeing another opening up and being vulnerable, giving them that same relief and "permission" to also open up.

You ask how to admit to people that you havn't recovered. I would say, by just admitting it. It's not a question of how, it's just a matter of putting ego and need for approval aside for what's really important: you, your life, your lane, and authentic expression not for anyone else but for yourself.

I would like to express that while typing this I feel some resistance because I imagine the "normal" response to be one of kind encouragement and some ho hum pats of the back, but I am very passionate about honesty after seeing the profound effect it has had on my life (being radically honest and not keeping anything hidden from others just frees up SO much energy and stress and finally frees you from the prison of people pleasing, check out Radical Honesty if you want to learn more, there's a book and worldwide workshops). 

One last thing, there's really no right way to feel, no right way to be. There really, really isn't. We don't like hearing this because it would take us out of our habitual comfy loop of always seeking something, always optimizing something, always improving something, ergo, an inherent lack or scarcity. Therefore true fulfillment will never be found because we will never be good enough, there's always improvements to be done and new problems. Really, true happiness and freedom is available right now with an attitude of full surrender to whatever experience manifests as. Happy, ok, suffering, that's ok too, feeling ashamed, yup it's fine too. Notice you are not the "do-er" of your emotions or thoughts, so no need to feel ashamed of them. But even feeling ashamed is ok! It's all on the endless up and down wave of life, and there's really no higher power out there deciding that xzy thoughts, emotions, states are better or worse!! Out of a state of non-resistance to life, authentic motivation to change can emerge. Try this: instead of saying "I NEED to eat healthier, I NEED to do xyz, I NEED to be free of addictions", change it to "I WANT to eat healthier.. etc". Because you don't NEED to. Who's telling you? Life doesn't require you to be any certain way. There's no NEED to do or be anything, allowing you to be inspired and WANT to do things. Good luck ;)

Edited by thehondasc00py
  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"Radical honesty" is probably the best "self-help book" I know. Because it is free of most of the B.S. you find in other books.

Like Scoopy described it, hiding your condition will create a worse condition. Alcoholism, eating disorders, self-harm, drug and also gaming addictions all grow when a person lives in the jail of guilt. "I feel bad today, so I play games. Now, eight hours later, my day is over and nothing is done, no task fulfilled. That makes me feel guilty and bad and I need to game..."
Surrender to your feeling of being scared. Be scared that your disorder might come back. There was a reason why you played excessively in the first place. Once you experience the fear and live the pain, you can let it go. If you can't, find help. And talk about it. This here is the first step. This here is like practicing to talk about it. Find somebody to talk about your issue. Because your mind, if you do not talk about it, will be the only voice you hear and your mind will find a way to turn this little issue into a big fat fuck up. The more you think about it, the more weight it will gain.

In the end, your eating disorder is just another symptom. You are digging right into the core of your condition. Do not suppress it. If you feat that you can't do it alone, find help. A therapist, family members. But don't suppress it. This now, is a chance. A chance to work on what really is going on.

Heck, when things crumble and your core issue is too large to handle, you can even go back to gaming and use it like you would use medicine. You are not forced to quit gaming. I am not saying this to make you weak, but to reinforce that you are free. Quitting video games should never be a massive weight on your shoulders that you have to do, but a step you take because you want to do. Less weight, less pressure. Knowing you are free and not a slave, nor a victim will help you a great deal.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 3/30/2018 at 1:03 PM, Dana said:

I used to be obsessed LiS because it's essentially a teenage girl simulator. Not an incredible fan of the second game though ... it really shows it was written by an entirely different team. I did watch a no commentary playthrough (the last thing I want is some 18 year old dude screaming over what's supposed to be an emotional experience, lol), and I did find it enjoyable because, again, teenage girl simulator, but I wish it were done differently.

I won't even go into the embarrassing fact that a side character in that game may have played a role in me picking a new name for myself, oh god.

That makes complete sense tbh, for me I think it was a simulator of how a teenage girl *should* be. For context, I was born female and that is still my biological gender, however I have never been comfortable with that fact. I guess I can't relate entirely to how it was for you, but I believe I can at least empathize in some way. For me personally I would always tell people 'I should have been born a boy but I don't want a sex change' .. I've repeated that phrase over and over since I was around 10 years old, and until the last year or so I never truly knew what I'd meant by it, I've considered gender reassignment a lot. I think games became such a big part of my life because it made me feel like one of the boys, even now the statistics of males being more affected by game addiction than girls kinda stings, even though that's really silly, but somehow I feel like that invalidates my struggles. I feel that with my adhd too, a condition much more common in boys than in girls. Today I realise that on the inside I am neither female nor male, I am just a Bugg, and that's how it is, my name here is my 'nickname' in real life, but it is soo much more than just a nickname for me. That's what makes me happy. Also, Dana is a good name :) And I agree, the second game was definitely no where near as good as the first. The first one blew my mind because I knew nothing about it before I played it, and that plot line was so heart-rending. I still get emotional thinking of some of the scenes in it - especially when Chloe discovers the truth about Rachel. Anyway, that's probably enough discussing actual games. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 25

At work all day. Didn't have time for anything. When I refer to all-day shifts I literally mean I start work at 8/9am and I finish at 10pm, I'm not just making excuses, lol. 
I meditated when I woke up and I did my gratitude journal so that's something. 

Day 26

Just been replying to all of the support I received yesterday. To be honest I found it a little overwhelming that you guys had so much to say to me. Thank you. 
I realise I often reply to advice with something like 'No, its this way' .. or 'Not really, it's more like this'. I don't mean to be so negative, I guess it's just a habit I have in trying to explain what I mean. I am in any case very grateful for your advice @thehondasc00py @Regular Robert and @Dannigan

I've been thinking a lot about these food related issues, and whilst I haven't gone full relapse, I have definite entered the territory and I'm being very mindful of this. Noticing my behaviour, observing it and analyzing it to work out the WHY behind it. I have dug out my resources I was given in therapy least year and began using my distress tolerance box I made for myself. This is a small paper box I filled with mini flashcards to use when all I want is to escape my feelings; craving a maladaptive coping strategy.

Some examples of those cards include:
(on one side;) THOUGHTS // (on the other side;) Other thoughts, Activate other healthy thoughts and actions. Count to 10, count colours in anything you see, do a puzzle, watch tv, read a book. 
IMPROVE THE MOMENT // imagery, meaning, prayer, relaxation, one thing, vacation, encouragement 
VACATION //Give yourself a break. Get into bed and close your eyes for a brief while. Switch off phone for a day. Sit in park for an afternoon.
SELF SOOTHE 5 senses // vision, hearing, smell, taste, touch
HEARING // listen to different kinds of music, listen to nature, sing, be mindful of present sounds. 

etc. 

If anyone reading this would like a full list of the cards to make your own, if you think it could be something you'd find helpful, I'd be more than happy to type one up, just let me know. 

But yeah, just been thinking a lot while I was at work this morning. Thinking about loads of different things; the present, the past, the future, my family, my best friend, minimalism, technology. 
I think I need to quit Netflix alongside games, I'm spending too much time on it. I don't have a financial incentive to quit as a friend very kindly lets me use their account, but I really do need to stop. Moderation is something my brain seems to have great difficulty with. :S 

Goals achieved: drink plenty of water, meditate, gratitude list. 

Gratitude lists, yesterday and today's:

 1. Birds 2. nature 3. homemade ginger water 4. oats 5. probiotics 6. clear skies 7. a loving, healthy family 8. the nhs 9. a new day, a fresh start 10. minimalism
1. Headspace app 2. ability to sit with hunger, even for a moment 3. fresh, cool water 4. good health for family an friends 5. improved health of one of our residents 6. employment 7. free-time is my own 8. freedom to choose 9. tools and resources for recovery 10. determination and optimism. 

Bonus gratitude for the day; Migraine medication!!!!!

Oh, I'm doing The Minimalists '21 Day Journey into Minimalism' too. Today was day 2. I'm enjoying it so far. My days probably won't be consecutive due to my work schedule and trip away in a couple of weeks, but I may post one or 2 insights from that in my journal too. 

Edited by Bugg
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@BuggCool, I hear you, and I feel like I relate to you a lot more now. I do imagine you're more than capable of handling this yourself. Afterall, there is a certain strength and satisfaction of walking it alone and transforming yourself without any handholding. Be it good or bad, today's world does allow us to go full independant autodidact. Oh, I also have a practical suggestion: I remember I had phases of shitty, shitty food cravins and snacking and I would end up feeling bloated but still want more.

What completely fixed this issue was radically altering my diet and going low carb. I even went full ketogenic at the time and it just removed all cravings once I had shifted over. A couple reasons for this:

  • the consequence of overeating and losing that nice ketosis really outweighs the satisfaction of snacking
  • detox from carbs and sugar, so no more starving for more and more carbs because the body has gone full fat-burning mode and isn;t even thinking of carbs

So you might want to look into that incase you havn't already. I'm personally still ketogenic vegetarian and loving it on 1-2 big nutritious, delicous meals a day plus sugar-free dark chocolate throughout the day.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Bugg said:

@Regular Robert Thank you for your support as always. I guess I feel like I'm not hiding my illness per say, I'm just not actively bothering anyone with it either, if that makes sense. 

I had found someone but they're currently absent, I talked about that in my reply above. I was in therapy for my eating disorder for 6 months of last year, I've been out of therapy for about 3 months now. Even if I wanted to go back I can't right now, my job and other time restraints would prevent me, but I don't want to either - I have all the tools I need right here, I just need to revisit my recovery in earnest I think. I suppose I'm just a little disappointed in myself for not having beaten it yet. I'm not going back to gaming, that will make me even more dissapointed in myself. Without trying to sound melodramatic, I don't think I can handle any more self-dislike at the moment. Self compassion is something I'm working hard to harness, but it's hard if you feel as though you're constantly failing. I'm also working hard to stay away from a victim mentality, but I don't know how well that is going, and that makes me feel angry, at myself, I don't really know why, or if that's even relevant. 

I get it. I think I did a bad job explaining my point. Basically, all I wanted to say was: If your brain tells you "I must continue quitting video games" you will feel pressure and you will feel forced. You will feel forced to actively walk away from something.
On the other hand, if you can replace "I must quit video games" with - just like you did - "I want to quit video games to become [blank] and achieve [blank] and improve [blank]..." you are not forced. You are making your very own decision and - which is very important - instead of being forced to walk away from something, you decide to walk towards something. Your progress walking away from something can not be measured, since the goal is to abstain from it, which is goal and progress and the same time. Self fulfilling. But your progress walking towards something can be measured and will deliver results, success and achievements.
I hope this explanation is more clear than the last one was.

In sum, I already feel that you are making your own decisions and your drive comes from the willpower to achieve something, which is purely awesome. You are one of the strongest quitters I have read so far. Your precision when you look at and analyze yourself, coupled with your extreme honesty is kind of mind blowing. All in all, I have no doubts that you will achieve your goals. The moment you created your first post here, you already transitioned from the old person you were before into the person you want to be. It is simply great.

Du machst das gut, Mädchen! Weiter so! ;) Practice some German while we are at it. Haha.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, thehondasc00py said:

@Bugg

What completely fixed this issue was radically altering my diet and going low carb. I even went full ketogenic at the time and it just removed all cravings once I had shifted over. A couple reasons for this:

  • the consequence of overeating and losing that nice ketosis really outweighs the satisfaction of snacking
  • detox from carbs and sugar, so no more starving for more and more carbs because the body has gone full fat-burning mode and isn;t even thinking of carbs

So you might want to look into that incase you havn't already. I'm personally still ketogenic vegetarian and loving it on 1-2 big nutritious, delicous meals a day plus sugar-free dark chocolate throughout the day.

Hey @thehondasc00py

I actually tried the ketogenic diet a year ago and thoroughly enjoyed it.  It gave me sustained energy throughout the day. I used it to regulate sugar levels as mine were marginally unhealthy and close to a pre-diabetes stage.  I would like to return to the ketogenic lifestyle soon. I have an account with Diet Doctor website which is extremely helpful if you're looking for recipes.  Also, I never had cravings for bad foods when I was in ketosis.  Due to increasing g good fats intake.  I am not vegetarian so my diet consisted of omega 3 fats from salmon, bacon, eggs, and coconut oil or the coconut meat.  Overall, I was consistently energetic, slept better, and no cravings.  I wonder if you can start a thread in the Lifestyles section about the benefits of ketogenic diet?  

Regards, 

Dani

Edited by Dannigan
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
20 minutes ago, Dannigan said:

 I wonder if you can start a thread in the Lifestyles section about the benefits of ketogenic diet?

Like the idea. https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/topic/6128-health-how-can-i-improve-my-diet-during-and-after-the-detox/

@Bugg, @Dannigan, @thehondasc00py If you want to, it would be awesome if you all could post a couple of experiences in the thread mentioned above. I am sure many future quitters will benefit from it.

Thank you, guys and gurl.

 

Edit: Also, very sorry for spamming all this stuff into your journal. Please, have mercy on my soul for my deeds are meant to help people. :P

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, Regular Robert said:

Like the idea. https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/topic/6128-health-how-can-i-improve-my-diet-during-and-after-the-detox/

@Bugg, @Dannigan, @thehondasc00py If you want to, it would be awesome if you all could post a couple of experiences in the thread mentioned above. I am sure many future quitters will benefit from it.

Thank you, guys and gurl.

 

Edit: Also, very sorry for spamming all this stuff into your journal. Please, have mercy on my soul for my deeds are meant to help people. :P

Not a gurl, just a Bugg ;) 
But yeah, perhaps once my relationship with food is a little better, then I'd be happy to speak about what I've learned :)
No probs on the spamming, needs must.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Regular Robert said:

Like the idea. https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/topic/6128-health-how-can-i-improve-my-diet-during-and-after-the-detox/

@Bugg, @Dannigan, @thehondasc00py If you want to, it would be awesome if you all could post a couple of experiences in the thread mentioned above. I am sure many future quitters will benefit from it.

Thank you, guys and gurl.

 

Edit: Also, very sorry for spamming all this stuff into your journal. Please, have mercy on my soul for my deeds are meant to help people. :P

Sure, Robert.  I'll write something in the new thread.  Thanks for your creativity with this website and for restructuring the topics so it's easily available for new people and veterans.  It's very much appreciated, and I already see vast improvements.  : )

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, Dana said:

I don't know how a woman is supposed to feel or whether there really is a distinct feeling that could be described as "being feminine"; I only know how I feel, and how I want to express myself, and it just so happens that the sort of expression I'm inexplicably drawn towards coincides with what's commonly seen as feminine. At the same time, I'm also aware of the fact that I'm not a particularly girly person.

So in that sense, yes, it does seem like we have something in common. How come you've chosen Bugg?

Exactly that; sometimes society will observe me with curled hair or makeup and assume feminine and other times I dress more masculine and people label tomboy. It's all a matter of perception. What truly matters is that we express ourselves according to what's inside and what makes us happy, regardless of the labels. 

Bugg started out as Jenabug a long time ago, that was just a nickname some of my closest friends used to use growing up, I have no idea why. My real name is Jena, its pronounced Ye-na, but people always pronounce it with a J, including family at this point. I've gone through stages in my life of trying to get people to pronounce it correctly, in the end I gave up and decided to just be Bugg. Originally it had 2 g's for online screen name purposes, Bug always seemed to be taken whereas Bugg usually isn't, online it often becomes BuggOfBuggs, lol. Now I just like it as Bugg. I guess the name came before the realisation of my true identity, and then it just felt right, Bugg encapsulates who I am today, whereas Jena is that little confused girl who didn't really understand what was going on. 

Edited by Bugg
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 27

I feel great. I feel great because I've just totally spur of the moment gone and written a poem, and I rather like it, and it's not even 10am.


((Please; call me Bugg.))

What's in a name you say, well
Father gave it to me on my birthday
Is it a gift to be cherished forever
Or simply a label one can change whenever

Recollections of the past, a little girl confused
Who am I, is this normal, utterly bemused
Anamnesis, ruminating long hours
A dark cloud above, wandering under it's showers

This moniker serves as a link to the past
Sunny skies succeeding, a brighter forcast
Advancing onward lets not forget our history
No need to do away with a name completley

Pronounce it how you will, it makes no odds to me
But if my name must stay part of your vocabulary
I'd prefer it to be saved for use formally
Otherwise a sobriquet is fine, the rest a mere memory

He? She?
I'm a Bugg now, you see. 
I'm just me.

--------------------

Thankyou @Dana .. our conversation totally inspired it :) 

Goals achieved: meditated, did gratitude, drank lots of water.. so far at least.

Gratitude: 1. Memories 2. ability to swallow pride 3. birdsong 4. clear skies 5. NHS 6. opportunities 7. a loving, healthy family 8. tools and resources for self help 9. warmth 10. fresh, cool mornings.

Edited by Bugg
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 28

Had work today, it wasn't too bad. I'm relieved things have calmed down a bit now. I was chatting to the other staff about it all and they reckon my manager is being so nice to me now because my standing up to them has 'scared' them a bit, their words not mine. I don't know about all that, but I am glad I stood up for myself, and I'm glad the situation has improved. I came home and did some chores I'd been meaning to get done for a while, I had a little dance and a sing, now I'm cooking some food for later in the week, and then I'm gonna cook some food for now, then I'm gonna have a chill evening. I've decided I am gonna give up Netflix, but in not liking to leave loose ends I'm gonna finish the stuff I'm watching first, and then if I do wanna watch stuff in the future (since I have free access to the account anyways) I'm gonna save it for time with friends and family. I've found sitting down to a movie with or a show with other people is far better than getting sucked into bad 'alone-habits'. 

Goals achieved: meditated, drank plenty of water, gratitude.
Gratitude: 1. Silence 2. green spaces 3. rainbows 4. clouds 5. birds 6. Pip 7. good health for my family and I 8. spur of the moment creativity 9. good food 10. clean water.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 29

Donated some things, did some chores. Had a friend over for some food today, that was really lovely and I had the opportunity to discuss some of the problems I've been facing recently - which was helpful. This evening hasn't been great. Still no gaming, but other old habits die hard I guess :s I dunno, feeling a bit demotivated, wish I had a reset button.

Goals; drank lots of water today, meditated, did gratitude journal, finally practiced some German and I played some guitar today.

Gratitude: 1. Sunshine 2. clear skies 3. warmth 4. friendship 5. chocolate 6. rooibos tea 7. soy milk 8. the internet 9. silence 10. joy

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello your journal for the past 30 days has been quite inspiring and has given me courage to face the emotion hurdles which lie ahead.

I once went without eating any food for 18 days and relying only on salted water and vitamins and found the best way to deal with my cravings was to go to op-stores. I cannot recommend enough checking out at least 2-3 stores in your vicinity you won't believe what second hand goodies you'll find. Since I'm into role playing games (DnD and such) I have found a plethora of adventure books from the 80's and 90's which I've scavenged the maps, illustrations and ideas into my own games. Some of my great finds include a perfect leather back copy of Lord of the Rings with all the super detailed maps and appendixes, a painting some guy did of Xena the Warrior Princess in 2003 for his university art assignment, some ye olde looking tankards, a miniature samurai suit, model race cars, some kitten paintings and a heap of books about the Napoleonic wars. May I also add to this soon to be gigantic block of text investing in a vinyl player if your finding yourself with big blocks of time to spend. Just, sitting back on a comfy chair and listening to your favorite album can also be incredibly relaxing and fulfilling too.

How are you going to celebrate Day 30?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...