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Regular Robert

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Everything posted by Regular Robert

  1. Love this, but ... Love this even more. ;) Have you ever heart David F. Wallace's speech "This is water"? If not, you should. It is astonishing how we often do not see the very basic things around us. Being grateful for a sunny day is a great way to turn a regular day into a sunny day. Love your attitude.
  2. Hey you know, when I started my detox I tried to quit smoking as well. But it is not that easy. Gaming can be replaced but I believe quitting cigarettes is a different kind of wine. My uncle had a brain tumor and quit for 7 years only to, one shiny day, buy a pack of smokes and continue as if he never stopped. I quit and start over quite often. Currently, I smoke. I am processing my past which makes me go nuts and I feel to weak in willpower to quit completely even though I had not smoked in months. What often works is changing my condition. I often smoked in front of the screen and during "social events". When I first quit smoking I denied myself to smoke indoors, so having to go out into the cold was a good motivation not to smoke. Not sure if that helps. My ex GF went to some hypnosis guy and for her it seems to work. Aside from that, I wish you the strength to quit and do not feel alone in this. Smoking is harder to give up than many other addictions, since you do not see crack or cocaine everywhere, but the smell of of a burning cigarette can catch you almost everywhere. Stay strong, mate.
  3. Bobbie's 90+ day detox ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SMILE WHENEVER YOU CAN ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- As some of you might have figured out already, I live in Germany. Somehow, smiling, ultimately showing happiness and love does not seem to be standard education in schools, nor families. About two years ago, I began my detox. Among many issues that suddenly surfaced, I realized that I am not only suppressing negative emotions, but emotions in general. What does that mean? It means, that I held back anger, fury, grief but also happiness, joy and - of course - love. This love is not limited to my wife or my dog or my family. In fact, I never learned to express happiness in my youth. This resulted in a sad, isolated adolescence. After my detox - and also during my detox - I felt. I felt many emotions. "Feeling" is so close to "falling" and I want to believe, that it has a reason. If you feel and express your feelings, it often feels like falling down. It feels like showing weakness. That might even be the case. But what I learned was that showing your emotions might upset some people, might drive some people away from you, but that is mostly not because of yourself. Emotions are a delicate topic for some reason. When I go out today, I smile at everybody I want to. It does not mean that I flirt - well okay, somehow yeah, it does, but not that obvious, lame-ass kind of flirting -; when I smile today, I want to smile. And when I want to smile, I smile. In my experience, many people look away but some do actually smile back. I don't need people to smile back, but it still feels good to be smiled at. When I smile, I reinforce a feeling I have. I. Super egoistic, but real. And another thing I learned is that what you express will come back to you. You might now think "How can he suggest to walk around like a super high nutjob"? The answer is quite simple: You do not suppress yourself. I do not smile to impress people or manipulate them, but only because I - myself - want to smile. I dare to express my emotions. And that often helps others to express their feelings. Even if they look away, they often smile, too. It feels great to express what I feel and I want to recommend to you people who read my stuff: Smile, whenever you can. Smile at the clerk at the supermarket. Smile at the pissed man that feels harassed because he currently experiences anger. Smile at anybody if you feel like smiling. You are doing this for you. You are reinforcing your very own emotions. It is like listening to loud music and simply dance if you feel like dancing. If you feel it, experience it. I'd like to live in a society where people dare to smile at each other. It seems so common that people show a face of hatred, but I am here to enjoy my life. I smile when I feel like smiling. So, go out there and smile like the sun smiles at you.
  4. Could you go into detail a little more? Would it be an interview via discord, emails, chat? What kind of questions would you want to ask? How personal would they get? I think it will be easier for people to join if you could describe the process a little more. And may be, but that is only an idea, if they would know a little more about you. Like, how did you get here? Have you faced addiction issues, may be even gaming, in your past? Why was it gaming addiction you you chose as a topic? What do you look like? This is not essential, but it could help build up trust. Like I said, these are just ideas but the point is, this is a community of people with issues, like any other addiction community. Most people have not told their families or friends about their addiction. And than there is a complete stranger that wants personal, intimate information. ;) You know, what I mean?
  5. Hey stablish, sorry to read that. It truly is a tragedy. Back when I was a kid, a lot of family members died due to cancer and being old. My family really is very old. 2 of my 3 closest friends died. One took his own life when he was drunk and one drowned when he tried to cross the Rhein by swimming through it. All I can say is the following: All of that sucks. I mean it like I say it. When people die, we become sad. We grief. But we cannot only accept the emotions that "make sense". Aside from grief, there was also disappointment and anger inside of me. "What a fucking idiot takes a ton of sleeping pills when he is drunk?" or "What kind of assmunch tries to swim through a big river in the middle of the night?" I was angry. And this anger wants to be accepted as well. Like @Dannigan said, you need to experience your emotions fully. But that does also mean that you experience the full range of your emotions. Also, use gaming as medicine for now. If you can, use it. Don't even think about labeling this as a "relapse". You did what was necessary to not break down completely. Try to experience your emotions, talk to close people about them, write about them. Accept all of them. But when your emotions become to large, when you feel like losing control, always have in mind that there is a way to numb yourself for a certain amount of time. Don't numb yourself altogether, but simply keep it in mind as an option. Also, think about using your journal to vent some thoughts. This is about everything that comes to mind for now. Don't hesitate to ask for anything. And do not suppress your emotions now. Live through this tragic moment. Live. Edit: Forgot something! The weird feeling is your mind shielding you from the overwhelming effect of these two tragedies. It keeps your emotions at a distance, which is good for now. Otherwise you would not be able to do anything. But you can use this feature to experience exactly the amount of experiences at a time that you feel is safe for you. You will not always feel empty. But the mind tends not to block simply grief or anger or disappointment, but all emotions altogether.
  6. Like the idea. https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/topic/6128-health-how-can-i-improve-my-diet-during-and-after-the-detox/ @Bugg, @Dannigan, @thehondasc00py If you want to, it would be awesome if you all could post a couple of experiences in the thread mentioned above. I am sure many future quitters will benefit from it. Thank you, guys and gurl. Edit: Also, very sorry for spamming all this stuff into your journal. Please, have mercy on my soul for my deeds are meant to help people. :P
  7. Since many fellow quitters change or improve their diet during and after the detox - also including @Cam Adair -, I thought it might be a good topic for the ATC-area. I would love to hear your experiences regarding your very own diets, whether it be veganism, fasting, ketogenic or whatever your tried. I believe that it will help many others that ask themselves whether they should change their diet or whether there is a way to alter ones very own diet. If you can, include some parts about emotions, cravings, weight loss, general energy levels, the ability to concentrate, hunger, sleep and anything that comes from the core of a human. Thank you.
  8. @Oak lee Ask in such auto shops and explicitly state what you want to do. Tell the boss that you want to change tires and oil and tell him why you want to do it. There is no need to impress people. If they know the truth, they can work with it and tell you whether they can help you or not. I told people in my environment that I would design flyers for them if they need some. One person answered and now multiple people want me to design their websites and graphical handouts. I was always honest about what I can and cannot do and many people did not like it but those who did are very helpful and generous now and love the stuff I do for them. So, I think honesty is the key. That is about all I can say about this matter. I bet there are more people on this board that will reply in the near future.
  9. So, welcome back! The search function somewhat suffered from some kind of server error, but I am sure your old journal is still around somewhere. If not, well than that sucks but some content seems to have bitten the dust due the the mentioned server hick up. Anyway, glad you found your way back and I hope your life journey will improve again!
  10. I get it. I think I did a bad job explaining my point. Basically, all I wanted to say was: If your brain tells you "I must continue quitting video games" you will feel pressure and you will feel forced. You will feel forced to actively walk away from something. On the other hand, if you can replace "I must quit video games" with - just like you did - "I want to quit video games to become [blank] and achieve [blank] and improve [blank]..." you are not forced. You are making your very own decision and - which is very important - instead of being forced to walk away from something, you decide to walk towards something. Your progress walking away from something can not be measured, since the goal is to abstain from it, which is goal and progress and the same time. Self fulfilling. But your progress walking towards something can be measured and will deliver results, success and achievements. I hope this explanation is more clear than the last one was. In sum, I already feel that you are making your own decisions and your drive comes from the willpower to achieve something, which is purely awesome. You are one of the strongest quitters I have read so far. Your precision when you look at and analyze yourself, coupled with your extreme honesty is kind of mind blowing. All in all, I have no doubts that you will achieve your goals. The moment you created your first post here, you already transitioned from the old person you were before into the person you want to be. It is simply great. Du machst das gut, Mädchen! Weiter so! ;) Practice some German while we are at it. Haha.
  11. "Radical honesty" is probably the best "self-help book" I know. Because it is free of most of the B.S. you find in other books. Like Scoopy described it, hiding your condition will create a worse condition. Alcoholism, eating disorders, self-harm, drug and also gaming addictions all grow when a person lives in the jail of guilt. "I feel bad today, so I play games. Now, eight hours later, my day is over and nothing is done, no task fulfilled. That makes me feel guilty and bad and I need to game..." Surrender to your feeling of being scared. Be scared that your disorder might come back. There was a reason why you played excessively in the first place. Once you experience the fear and live the pain, you can let it go. If you can't, find help. And talk about it. This here is the first step. This here is like practicing to talk about it. Find somebody to talk about your issue. Because your mind, if you do not talk about it, will be the only voice you hear and your mind will find a way to turn this little issue into a big fat fuck up. The more you think about it, the more weight it will gain. In the end, your eating disorder is just another symptom. You are digging right into the core of your condition. Do not suppress it. If you feat that you can't do it alone, find help. A therapist, family members. But don't suppress it. This now, is a chance. A chance to work on what really is going on. Heck, when things crumble and your core issue is too large to handle, you can even go back to gaming and use it like you would use medicine. You are not forced to quit gaming. I am not saying this to make you weak, but to reinforce that you are free. Quitting video games should never be a massive weight on your shoulders that you have to do, but a step you take because you want to do. Less weight, less pressure. Knowing you are free and not a slave, nor a victim will help you a great deal.
  12. Welcome, Lee! That sounds like one of those stories that are made into books and movies. Can't wait to read how it will continue! Already very impressed by how intentional you decide what to and what not to do!
  13. This is from one of your initial posts. I think you just overcame this issue and took the first steps into a fresh social life. With your new attitude, it should be way easier to connect to others. Without expectations or assumptions, you grant others and yourself the chance of experience instead of evaluation. Very happy to see this happening. The description of your overall summer camp experience makes a lot of sense. It is quite clear now why you have heavy assumptions about certain types of people. I would suggest that you try to process this old memory. When we played the "why-game", summer camp was the first real situation that came to your mind. I can only assume that this means it is still relevant to you. I would suggest that you write this situation down, on a piece of paper, in all honesty and as explicit as possible and than you forgive the people that hurt you and you forgive yourself for letting other people hurt you and for having assumptions nowadays based on the experiences you made. Write all of that down, fold the piece of paper, burn it, rip it apart or bury it. You don't have to actually talk to the people of the past, but you have to let go. Like I said, a suggestion. If you actually do it, try not to judge it before you have tried it. For me, this ritual is very liberating. It does hurt and it does scare me quite often, but it is liberating. And once the surface breaks open, other experiences will come to mind that finally want to go. Overall, I am very astonished by you last post. I love that you use a post-it to prepare your goals. It helps. You do not actively have to remember the tasks you have written down. Thus, you have a lot of space in your mind to work with. Same goes for your plan to clean up. Can't wait to hear the results. In sum, very great progress. Keep on going this way, Corentin!
  14. Try not to judge your behavior. Instead, when talking about it, start describing it, like you did in the phrases before. "I do this. I do that." What you do is real. Embarrassment is what your mind tells you, you should feel, judged by what others might think about you. And especially in this environment here, everybody knows that your behavior is completely understandable, since you are compensating the lack of gaming-stimuli with other sources of excitement. Bur you are already aware of it and changing it. In sum, a process we all have been through. If you allow yourself to label your behavior as embarrassing, you label yourself as an embarrassment. But somebody who tries to overcome addiction to improve his life in many ways is not an embarrassment, is he? Descriptive language instead of judgemental language. Won't always work, but it helps reducing the pressure when you do stuff and it does not immediately result in the desired way. You are human and you are doing fine!
  15. That is a good idea! Once we have a decent amount of threads, we can register them. Like it. Issue solved.
  16. 2. Search engine optimization Okay, so inspired by all the forum spammers that popped up during the last couple of weeks, I thought to myself, why not use their technique to increase GQ's visibility and traffic? The "Ask the community" area is kind of a great place to apply this technique, I believe. The thread titles, if clear and precise, already make good SEO lines. But I thought, if it helps, a moderator could add tags (to the bottom lines) in the opening post of a thread if the topic raised a lot of interest. I am not sure how this could work and what it would look like exactly, but I will keep thinking about this idea a little more. If anybody has an opinion or idea, please let me know.
  17. Fellow quitters, so in short: This sub forum is designed to serve as a space where you people can ask questions and of course give answers to other quitters. In the long run, this shall be an archive of frequently asked questions and thus, become a compendium of valuable information to anybody who just started to think about quitting games, is going through the detox or already lives a life beyond the detox. However, your questions are not bound to the detox. If you simply want opinions regarding an idea you had, you can post your question as well, of course. If you have a question that you would like to post, simply open a new thread in this sub forum. I would like to suggest, that when you open a new thread, state a short and precise title in the title box. Do not use abstract or funny titles. E.g.: If you want to ask about whether fellow quitters have been bullied in school and you would like to get information on how to handle this type of situation, your title might as well look like this: "Bullying at school" or "How to deal with bullying at school?" - This way, the rest of the community already has an idea what your question will be about and can than decide if that is a question they could answer. Also, it would be beneficial if you could use a tag in front of your title. I will try to keep the list as short as possible, so some tags will be a rather generous summary of different topics. You can choose a tag from the following list, with the explanations stated: [GENERAL] - Anything you can think of that doesn't fit into one of the other areas. [DETOX] - Anything that has to do with the detox. [ACTIVITIES] - Need suggestions regarding taking action, finding hobbies or what to do while brushing your teeth? This is the tag. [SOCIAL] - Including relationships, friendship, social anxieties and so on. [CAREER] - Questions regarding careers, including opportunities, start-ups and so on. [HEALTH] - Physical, mental and emotional health. Your title might than look like this: "[SOCIAL] How to deal with bullying?" If you do not know which tag to use, simply use none at all. A moderator can later edit a tag into your title line. Last but not least, don't take these rules too seriously. This is rather a guide to keep the subarea clean and tidy. You cannot screw up, there is no "wrong" when asking a question. If you feel pressured by this guide, simply ask your question the way you would like to ask it. This is it. I hope you guys will ask tons of questions and get a dozen answers per thread. :) Robert P.S.: If you think I forgot a tag or you think you have a nice addition, simply post it here.
  18. So, thanks Cam for opening up this space. I think we should use this particular thread to discuss this area, rather than filling up more space in the suggestion area. If you have ideas for rules and general structure, please feel free to post them here. 1. Topic - To tag or not to tag? https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/topic/6101-introduction-rules/ You will see that I started a list of tags already, but I am not too sure if it makes sense to use a tag in the title in general. I would appreciate opinions, thanks. And if you have ideas for a short list of neat tags, post them as well.
  19. There is also one important fact that we shall not forget: Humans love familiarity. If it feels familiar, we feel at home. Even if it is pain, that is familiar. The same goes for gaming. That was how you lived your life. Now it has changed. Now, you start to feel emotions again that were locked away before. Change can be scary and it sure as hell leads to uncertainty. You cried, you were sad, you were scared. And now, you remember gaming and can see the benefits it delivered. And for some reason, in many journals, that happens at around 14 days into the detox. You change. The decision you made two weeks ago slowly turns into something real. You sold your console. You changed your habits and behaviors. All of this can be frightening. Be sure to write about whenever you feel it is necessary. Trust me, your feelings will have changed in 7 days max. You will start to adapt to the new life and you will be able to let go. Just keep on doing what you do. :)
  20. Cry. Do it. Crying is a great way to heal. If you repress it, the pain will stay inside. If you let it out, you can free yourself of it. Try not to judge yourself for being fed up, sad and what not. This is all part of the process. There was a reason why you kept gaming. The pain has been there all along. Now you have the chance to let it out and let it rest. And afterwards, you will most likely return to being happy and bubbly. ;) Just treat yourself and your condition with acceptance and love.
  21. Can you give more details about this topic? Would it be possible for you to write out (really specific) what happened and at the same time, watch your own emotions and thoughts? Especially urges to distract yourself and feelings of hurt or anxiety. I believe that this why is already a possible answer. If the memory does hurt when you write about it - full honesty is mandatory - you have to go on digging. What happens if you look at all the dishes that await being done? What kind of thoughts and feelings do arise inside? Do you start blaming yourself for not having done the stuff when you "should have"? Can you try to describe in details what your mind tells you when you stand in front of a task that you would love to procrastinate? Can you - I guess you already kind of get the idea - get into details. For example, many people on the forum set goals for every day. Your goals tend to be extremely large, e.g.: "need to get a healthy sleep pattern". It is a very good and necessary goal, but at the same time, it is still very large. If you break it down, e.g.: "I want to go to bed between 22 and 23 o'clock tomorrow", this goal is highly measurable and can be fulfilled, while the first one, the large one, is not measurable at all. I think - and I believe I stated it before - you need to break down your goals into measurable, tiny steps. "Clean up the mess I live in" can be broken down into 1 tiny task a day. This way, your priority list might not fill up to a point where you feel incapable of doing anything at all. Also, if your goals are measurable, you enable yourself to get gratification. Doing the dishes for example is nothing that grants long-term gratification. It is the moment when you are done and look at your kitchen, how clean it is and how tidy. It might even sparkle. That is the moment when the gratification comes. Try it. I think the fact that you tried the why system already showed us some possible paths that you might want to examine.
  22. Hey Corentin, it is Robert again. I just thought that sometimes I might come across a little harsh when replying to your journal. I am sorry if you feel pushed by me. I guess, we all gotta learn sometimes. The reason why I keep pushing you is because I see great potential in you and most likely, because I see a part of myself in you. I had many opportunities, but they passed because for me it took a damn long time to figure out why I do the stuff I do. Just know that I really enjoy reading your journal and that I see a lot of progress. I hope that you can see it, too. If I come across too strong, just let me know. We are all in the process together. Just keep up your head up high and continue what works for you. :) Robert
  23. Continue doing what you do. In this case, write them down. Your world, the way it used to be, starts to fall apart. These thoughts come up because the screen is switched off. They like to come up when you are not distracted. Accept them, do not try to suppress them. If you feel capable, you can also start to work through them. Like, ask yourself why you have these thoughts. But work through them one by one, one day at a time. I think these thoughts might show you why you kept gaming excessively in the past. In sum, I think you are making great progress and by facing your thoughts and feeling, you will soon know where your construction sites are and how to grow out of this old lifestyle. Keep your head up, you have this whole thing under control! Really fascinated by your rapid and highly conscious progress.
  24. I wrote 4 dinA4 pages as a reply but ended up deleting them. I think, what you need right now are clean, direct words and no walls of text. So let's try this: Try the why system. Do it. Do not find reasons why it will not work. Simply do it. It will not SOLVE your problems. Never intended to do. But, it will SHOW YOU your problems. When you know your problems, you can work on them. When you use it, not if, discover loops and work on them. For example, you mentioned being a perfectionist. That is why you cannot work in this environment. That is already a loop. "I can't work in here, this is imperfect. I should clean up. But I have higher priorities, like working on stuff. But I can't work in here, this is imperfect. I should clean ..." Once you found loops, demystify what keeps this loop going. In this case, you are hiding behind being a perfectionist in order to not clean up. As long as your place is a mess, you can use it as an excuse to not get shit done. Changing loops is easy in theory but hard to practice. Whenever your mind tells you to take a step to the right, this will be your loops way. Your old habit. In order to change, you need to step out of the loop itself. So, make different approaches. The moment you tell yourself, that you decide to not be a perfectionist for this matter (cleaning up), you enable yourself to step out of the loop. Don't victimize yourself by saying "Well, I am this or that". You are still in charge and not physically incapable of doing the things on your list. Progress is better than perfect. By giving something power, let it be people, habits or attitudes, you decide whether they are masters and you are the servant or whether they are tools you can use. Get your whys straight. Stop lying to yourself and to the people around you. Did you try the why-system? I can only assume you did not. Because you are an addict. I myself, in your position at your stage, would not have tried it. Because it could change my looping behaviors and once you have an answer to a question you never asked, you are fucked. Because than, you cannot passify yourself anymore. Let me be honest: The moment you opened your journal, you created a persona of a scientist that is looking to solve video game addiction. You did not show us an addict. You are doing the same at your psychologists place. He cannot help you, because you constantly show that you do not need help. You make lists with priorities you have to work on and while you keep hiding behind this "fake progress", he believes you are very capable. Being extremely smart has helped you manipulate people ever since you can think. You know what to say, what to do and how to act in order to make people think you are awesome. But fact is, you need help. Your subconscious mind knows that. That is why you came and stayed here. You need help. That is "why" you are here. Get the rest of your whys straight and your path will be clear to you. Stop lying. And do not criticize me immediately for calling you a liar. I am not shaming or blaming you, but you are an addict like me and you are smart. Embrace your progress. Do not diminish it. Your sleep pattern changed. Look back into your old journal entries and witness how often you wrote about changing your sleep pattern. You changed it, that is awesome. And yeah, it might partly be a way to avoid getting shit done, but it was important to you. Get your whys straight. "Why did you want to change your sleep pattern" - "To have more energy at the beginning of the day". Goal reached. Yeah, you can't do stuff while you sleep, but that was never your goal. What your psychologist said about cutting addictive substances may be right, but is lacking the most important part: Once you cut the dust, the demon you are trying to numb will awake. So, instead of finding "healthy", new addictions, you have to be ready to deal with your demon. You are an addict. That happened not because "bad luck" or wrong skin type or whatever. You are an addict, because you need to bury a painful truth inside of you. Since you already have a psychologist, you are blessed. Because he can help you through this process. At least, I hope so because either one of two things is true: 1. He is not good regarding his profession or 2. You are extremely good in creating personas. You are an addict. You are hurt and scared. That is why cutting games did result in higher YouTube usage. Compensation. Be ready to face your demons and be honest about them. You are making progress. Don't forget that. You are making it right now. Right this moment. Be courageous to try new ways and keep on doing what works. A good indicator is always: If it scares you, that is your way. If it hurts, the shortest way out of the pain is right through it. Keep your head up Corentin. I have a good feeling about you. You will do this, but it won't be easy nor short. And remember, people can help you if you let them.