Regular Robert

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Regular Robert last won the day on November 27

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  1. To be entirely honest, I believe you and your brain have changed massively. I mean, you said you quit and you gave professional climbing a try. You said, you had a relationship with a girl and you had a lot of social contacts. But than, you "failed" at climbing, you learned that your girlfriend cheated on you and you lost many of these social contacts BUT STILL your brain tells you that you should live a life without gaming. That is literal change. The old you would have just said "screw them all, time to game 12 hours a day". You made change. Also, your relapse is not a bad thing, if you ask me. Your world fell apart around you. I know how horrible it feels to learn your partner cheated on you. And with climbing "failing" and the new friends gone, there was not much left. I can just assume that the pain must have been overwhelming and this pain was medicated with gaming. You did, what you needed to do. Instead of being hit so hard that you can't get up again, you found a way to numb the pain for a good amount of time. And now you opened this thread in the forum. You are asking for help to get back on track. I don't see anything wrong in what you did. Only very human actions. What I would suggest now are a couple of things: Most importantly, you should create an island for yourself. Something, a hobby, that is yours and that you do not seek to do professionally. May be, take climbing, but do not take it as an career. Careers have setbacks, they can fail and if you ever get injured, your career would fall apart again while you are left with nothing that you do to be you. Find something that you do because you like doing it. No competition. No money involved. No stakes. Do something for you. And that should stay yours even if you get a new girlfriend. Second of all. Get rid of your girlfriend if she is still there. You don't have to hate her, that is not useful at all, but you don't need anybody that is not trustworthy. There is no reason to cheat on anybody. It only shows low personality. If one feels so alone in a relationship, it is time to talk. Betraying somebody is the wrong way to go and a person who betrays once will do it again. So, again, free yourself of the burden. Don't feel guilty about it. You need to be free to get back on track. Third thing: If you can, find at least one person you can talk to without having talk about gaming. Finding friends is not easy, but a person you can talk to from time to time is a good start. And the last thing is also very important: Free yourself of the guilt. I mean it and I can't stress this enough. I play video games from time to time, because it helps me get through a very hurtful time that I can, sadly, not change at all. In the beginning, I felt like I betrayed this community. But the feeling of guilt is not true to you and it is not helpful at all. The opposite is the case. Because you felt guilty, it was easier for you to play with your old friend. Because you felt guilty, you feel like you relapsed and that you failed. Free yourself of the feeling of guilt. Forgive yourself for gaming. You needed it, it helped you. But don't do anything because you feel guilty. You don't owe your old gaming friends anything. You did not betray them, you did not dump them. You wanted to keep moving and they wanted to stay. Nobody's error, no reason to feel guilty. You don't owe this community anything. When you relapsed, it happened. End of the story. You don't even owe yourself anything at all. You can basically go through life and do whatever you feel like doing. But you said, you wish you could change. So that is what you should be doing. The things that you truly wish to do. Guilt-free. For you. So, like I said. From my perspective, you already did change a lot. You know what you want. You just got set back while trying to achieve it. That happens, no need to punish yourself for it. If you still want to have a life that is not entirely numb, you know what to do. Say "thank you" to the csgo community, appreciate the time together, but keep on moving towards your very own goals. Look out for yourself, trust yourself and allow yourself to fail. Without failing, you will never know what you don't want. Just re-calibrate, get back on track and witness the progress you make. You got this under control, mate.
  2. Totally agree with destoroya. If you can help him build up new habits, like cleaning for example, that would be a great progress. Otherwise, you always have to look out for yourself first. You shall not be dragged down, even if it is hard to witness.
  3. Welcome, Doug. You are extremely mature for your age, love that. Love the fact that you make your own decisions. The spirit you have already shows that you have tons of potential to become whoever you want to be. Like I said, love it. Would have been great if I had been that aware when I was your age. Aaaaanyway, ... ... like already mentioned: You should start a journal on the forums. Why? Several positive effects. First of all: The community will support you. I guess you felt quite alone in the dark when you tried to quit gaming. But with experienced quitters behind you, it will be easier. Another thing is that you often need other people to show you what you cannot see. Like, what drags you back to gaming? What kind of stressors keep appearing during your daily battle? And so on and so forth. It is useful to have people read your journal and support you wherever they can. Another thing is: Do not focus on the negative aspects. Like you said, you managed to quit for 2 days before you went back to gaming. Now you can focus on the fact that "it was only 2 days and than you failed to quit" or you can focus on the fact, that you managed to push back the addiction for 2 whole days. Next time you quit, you might hit 3 days. Or, after being well prepared, even longer. Every step in the right direction is a success in itself. When I read your post, I see a strong guy that will make his way. Why? Because instead of just giving in, you fight. And that shows character, Doug. So, again: Welcome! Great to have you here. Find your way to the journal section and open your very own daily journal. Keep a positive attitude and ask if you need any help. You got this under control.
  4. Always welcome. If I may add one last thing: It will be hell... in the beginning. From my own experience and what I read in many journals, after 2 weeks, you will feel different and later on, there might even be a time when you feel so powerful that you don't really know what mountain to climb first. And somewhere along all of those states, your brain will re-balance. So, don't worry. Its not complete hell, just for a short amount of time. And of course: Kudos to you for completing your first day. The first step is the hardest. Now you got the thing rollin'. baby!
  5. This must have taken you quite some time. I even edited my post later on but your quotation still has the original words in it. So, yeah ... thanks for taking the time. Really appreciated. So, you don't need a list of negative things to see that the positive events outweigh the negative ones. You can already guess it by now, right? But, there is something else I would like you to look at: Baseline attitude when you started to list the positive events. I would ask you to re-read the whole list later on to see what I see. If you haven't seen it already. Might also be just a coincidence, but just bare with me here for a moment. So, again ... this is your baseline attitude when you began listing the positive events. A little defensive and you often tend to relate the stuff you listed to anxieties, which is totally fine. Not criticizing here at all. You also crossed some items because you feel they were not appropriate on a list of positive events, because you lost some steam afterwards. Just as if a later negative would negate the former positive. Let's go on: Defensive, lowering the value of what you did. By the way, who was that judged what you did as "acceptable"? Was it you or anybody else? Anyway, suddenly, only one list item later: You labeled this event as an "über breakthrough". That is not defensive at all and it does not lower the value of the event... at all! From there on, I feel the list reads differently, as if remembering this particular event made a change in your attitude. From there on ... ... you began raising the value of the events you listed. Those are just examples, but I feel they show what happened. Instead of "acceptable" stuff, you talk about success. Instead of "lewd", you raised the value to "intimate". Instead of reserved, you come across quite casual and swaggy, when saying you bitched about something. It does not feel like the value-lowering use of "bitching". And in item 40, you even added that you became quite healthy aaaaand ... handsome. Raising your own value by adding and accepting that you look attractive. Read through the list multiple times if necessary. I feel, the more positive items you listed, the more confident, casual, relaxed and self-accepting you became. And that is what I meant, when I said you have to acknowledge what you do waaay more instead of where you came short, failed or procrastinated. This is a huge list which shows you did an outstanding job in just one year and you need to feed this positivity to your mind so that it can maintain a positive, bright and competent attitude. Read through the list. Do it. With the eyes of anybody but you. Read it like a stranger would read it and try focusing on the subtext that the items deliver and how they change the more items are added. Just do it.
  6. The issues I see with many studies is that the improvements that gaming can cause, are very isolated results. Improved reaction is nice, but I don't know many situations in life where this skills in particular is useful for me. Improving the memory skill however is quite useful, but does every game train your memory? I think it is rather a certain type of game. Not sure if first person shooters help a lot. And while I was always very concentrated WHILE playing competitive games, the opposite was the case when the computer was turned off. Same goes for depression. While playing games, depression was not an issue, because gaming was some kind of medication. Gaming alleviated the depression, but afterwards accelerated it to a point, where gaming is the only way to calm down again. That is basically the easiest way to slip into an addiction. So, I am not saying that the studies are false or bad or whatever, but we usually get only a couple of "summa summarum"-phrases. "Gaming boosts your concentration, is good for your memory and helps with your depression." But the real result of the studies often contains 300 pages of ideas, theories and results. You get what I mean. The results presented to us are often extremely isolated. "Alcohol is good for you, because it calms you down". You know? There is always more to it. And you asked specifically about issues in your real life. In your offline life. And while gaming might help you while you game, the moment you turn the game off, you are back in your real life. Suddenly, you realize, nothing has changed in this life. Because nothing was done in this life. The opposite is the case. You did not call back friends, you did not clean your environment, you did not pay taxes in time, because you were busy. All these are simply examples. But to answer your question: 10 hours is a lot of time of neglecting your real life. Afterwards, you will probably be tired, somewhat stressed. You were isolated the whole time, sucked into a different world. Yes, your issues CAN easily be caused by the way you play, the amount of time you do it or the skills that regress while you train others. Can. Like the others before me said, the best thing to do is go through the 90 days detox. See what life is with 10 hours of useful time per day. See if you feel symptoms of withdrawal. Witness what you can do when you do not play games. Just try it. There is basically nothing to lose and usually, you do not miss out on anything, since the games will always be there. Just try the detox. There is plenty of information in this forum. If you have really urgent questions, you can join the discord-chat. Its text-based and voice-chat so you can freely choose how to ask and you will get quick replies. I am sure your life will improve. Looking forward to see you post your first journal entry. There is a whole community behind you. You got this under control, mate.
  7. Hey Hitaru, been reading your last entry just now and I feel that I might have some words to say. The issue regarding your income is a topic that I can totally relate to. My woman pays the rent and literally everything else. For quite a long time now. Even though she is a hundred percent fine with it, I don't feel complete. I feel that I need my own income to be whole. To be self-reliant, self-sufficient. To be my own person. But I am still struggling. In addition, some of the mean spirited humans use this topic to attack me. Even family members that - in my opinion - waste their entire lives, attack me for not having an income. The first thing a person asks in this country when you meet for the first time is "So, what are you doing?" which does not ask for hobbies, lifestyle or such. People want to ask "what job you are". It seems to be a huge part of the common identity. Whether this makes sense or not should be a different discussion. What I want to say is: I get it. Having your own income is a huge part of becoming yourself, somehow. But, from reading your posts, I see one specific issue: A mix of impatience, perfectionism and self-blaming. Your last phrase kinda states it. You tend to sabotage yourself. And that creates a harmful mindset. I know that feeling from my time when I was sick and heavily depressed. "I failed". I tried, I failed, I blamed myself and I almost murdered myself over it. You know what I mean. Stuff like that. Impatience: One year of abstinence and I have not achieved enough growth in relation to the time spent. Perfectionism: I have not reached a certain goal, so everything is wasted. And in the end: I failed. That is what I wanted to tell you last time when we talked about RescueTime. It can be a great tool, but also a great whip to punish yourself. It does make sense to make good use of your time, but don't kill yourself over it. Don't look for imperfect results. The red bar in the RescueTime statistic always triggers my perfectionism. It is like a red mark on a test. It delivers an urge. The urge to be changed. For some people, the negative things in life have more weight by default. They matter more. And those people, me included, tend to not see or value the other tiny good things that happen. May be, I read too much into it, but I feel you are not acknowledging your progress. One year of no games cannot be for nothing. If you would have continued to game, you would not have trained at all. You would not have realized that you want to do something else in your life. You would not know that income is so important to you. There is a lot of personal progress, growth that took place during this time. And sometimes, stuff takes time and multiple trials. You are extremely smart, gentle and talented. Your English is at a great level. You train, even if you train sub-par, you still do. You get your ass up and do it. You help others on this forum. You have interesting thoughts that you share. You seem to be very empathic, sensitive, which is great. You are a great person and you have turned yourself into that person. You will reach your goals, just don't fill yourself up with worries and don't put too much weight on what did not succeed, which should have succeeded or could have succeeded. Try to find a good balance and value yourself more. If it helps, do a revaluation of the one year of no games. Like, list all the progress you made in one post. I could help you see what you have achieved and I bet the progress will outweigh the failures or setbacks by far! Keep up your head up straight, smile at the person in the mirror. You have come so far, so damn far. Value it. You got this under control, mate.
  8. That is entirely true. And the other 5% are among the 95% of normal people. I for my part found it very hard to gather such a collective of people. I don't get anything out of "normal friendship". I need a soul that is close to mine. Something that goes way deeper than just the ordinary surface. And yes, if you talk like this to normal people, they will most likely think you are arrogant and dislike you. But that is fine. There will be people that totally get what you are saying without relying on a judgemental attitude.
  9. Instantly abused. I hope you guys don't mind if I simply choose the flag I like the most.
  10. Love it! I think everybody can agree that you got some real neat talent there. Glad to see you found a creative way to replace gaming. Keep it up!
  11. That should be a statement printed on T-Shirts and tagged on walls in the subway. Also, another thing regarding Rescue Time. It is indeed a cool feature to look whether your time in front of the screen was well spent. However, I found out that it is only a simple answer for a very complicated question. Because in the end, it heavily depends on your own judgement. Like, what do you declare to be productive and what distracting? I found myself in a troubled situation, when I started using it. What is Game Quitters for example? Distraction or productivity? YouTube. Watching a motivational video or one of Cam's videos will be considered to be distracting, since it is on YouTube. On the other hand, I can declare using my Mail-Software as a "very productive" action, even if it is not. It is so easy to fool yourself when using Rescue Time. One way or another. And one last, but very important thought that came to my mind was: How distracting is Rescue Time? When I look at Rescue Time, I feel it judges me. Because it does. I judge myself. I am being judged. If you are being judged, you usually want to look good. Because a statistics software pointing the virtual finger and you, shouting "You suck" is horrible. Nobody wants to suck. We all want to be good boys and girls. So, I feel, it can create a huge amount of pressure. It tells me that I have to change my behavior. I need to make good use of my time. Otherwise it will punish me with 21% productivity. That pressure is unnecessary in my opinion, because at the end of the day, it is not the statistic that determines whether it has been a productive day or not. It is your own perception. If you look back and focus on the positive things that you have done, it will leave a positive feeling. Thus, you will feel confident and may be even motivated for the next day. But, if - at the end of the day - you get told that your productivity today was below last days productivity or you just see a big red bar of Netflix or YouTube, you might feel like a failure. You might feel that you failed. No matter how good the day was. So, if you ask me, I'd say don't be so harsh with yourself. See if this kind of software is necessary for you or if it turns into some masochistic game (because it surely can) and decide how you want to approach your own process. Also, never stop telling people to get on with it already. Kinda love that attitude. So simple, so straight, so true.
  12. Welcome drflox! Glad to hear that you are totally motivated and like many other people, you decided to reset your priorities and improve instead of slowly letting everything slip away. Nice to have you on board. Depending on where you are right now, it will be helpful to organize some resources for the near future, e.g.: What can you do if cravings come around and such? Also, be sure to start your journal if you haven't already. It is an invaluable tool and will help you on your path. But enough for now. Glad to have you around and keep the attitude you got right now, its golden! Also, I am 31 and from Europe as well. You are not a unique case, no need for shame or such.
  13. 2. Totally understand. Could become a thing for the future but should not have priority now, like you said. 3. Totally agree on that, too. 4. I would suggest "Social skills" to be deleted as an area of its own and put under "Lifestyle", just like "Fitness & Nutrition". You could name it "Skills & Education". This can have the following benefits: Lifestyle could be tidied up in 3 main sub-areas: "Skills & Education" - "Fitness & Nutrition" - "Art & Entertainment". All books, podcasts, interviews that are educational/have to do with stopping gaming/improving life, could go in the first category, thus making "books & podcast", which is a very specific description, obsolete. "Fitness & Nutrition" (or "Health & Nutrition") is self-explanatory, but rather important since quitting games means taking care of business, including health and nutrition. Regarding "Art", I have to say that is also a little too specific for my taste. "Entertainment" covers music, videos and so on, but "Art" could be changed into "Creativity" or something. This way, if somebody wants to publish a poem or a photo, it would be easy to determine where to post it. Also, if I we have a educational podcast that covers dating and building relationships, it would easily be found in "Skills & Education". Right now, it could be published under "Skills,[...]" or "Books & Podcasts". So, fracturing "Lifestyle" into 3 specific, but not too specific sub-categories, we could enhance general order. Which leads to ... 6. With "Skills,[...]" gone as an area, you could add an area called "Detox resources" (or anything that would fit), creating a forum only for your videos. The videos could be added in one thread each, with the name of the thread resembling what the video is about, for example "[Relapse] - What to do if you relapse and start gaming again?" Within the thread, there would be the embedded link to your video and, with some busy worker bees, we can point out the main message of the video in the thread in an orderly fashion, for example: "What to do if you relapse?" "1. Chill. 2 Remove your installed games. 3. And so on, you get the idea. The formatting would look way better and such." Which leads me to ... 7. Under "Game Quitters Team", there should be an invisible thread, only visible to certain people. Like an admin area, just not only for admins, but for those that volunteer to work on the register of videos and basic forum order and such. Because organizing it in here would not be cool and probably end in a mess. I assume there is an admin area already but you get the idea. An invisible area for organization. I would volunteer to work on the videos and I am sure we will find more people to help. Just tell me what you think of these suggestions. My ideas are mainly to get the forum easily organized and help people find what they are looking for. From there, we can always improve. Edit: Also, I like the new "Donate"-Button. Way more organized, needs less space but explains the process even better. Cool!
  14. First of all, excuse my long absence time. Now, it might just be me, but when I look at the forum, I feel that the general structure is a little ... off. Right now, it is hard for me to explain why, but I wanted to - generally - ask if anybody feels the same and if so, what could cause this feeling. For some reason I also believe that the area "Game Quitters Community" should be changed. I believe that the "main room" is not a good way to handle things. I kind of believe, that "Relapse" for example, should be a split, entire area for itself. Just like the journals or the main room. Also, within the "Game Quitters Community" there should be an area for "Creativity & Productivity". I feel that many people, once they begin their detox, they start with a lot of creative work and work that expresses feelings and moods. This area is right now, partly, in "Art & Music" and such. But somehow, the GQ Community should be strengthened and thus, had more precise areas. My main issues with the sub-areas like "relapse" or "celebrate" is that every new post "hides" the one published before. If somebody posts something in "relapse", but right after that another user posts a celebratory article, the relapse post will not be shown on the right side, even though relapse posts to me, are always pretty urgent, since a member of the community is in distress and probably needs attention. This is why I think relapse especially should have its own area. I know that you will see new posts once you browse through the sub-areas, but with a growing number of members, the need for structure is important, I guess. Anyway, does anybody have any particular ideas about the general forum structure? I'd just like to brainstorm a little.