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Brad's Journal


Brad_Hurst
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Time for an update!
It's day 56, although my gaming/porn detox started 4 days before that... So really it is day 60.
(Got a handy little nofap counter on reddit lol)

It feels like time has flew by!
I don't think about gaming at all to be honest, it doesn't interest me what's so ever.
The only thing I do that is game related is playing a quick game of chess on my phone at work (On my break).

I have meditated using the headspace app for 75 days straight now.
I definitely think my self-awareness as improved significantly, being able to recognise when my emotions are trying to take control of my actions.

I've certainly made a lot of changes over the last 56 days...
Although I definitely have ALOT to work on.

My main trouble right now is prioritising correctly, and maintaining focus.
I still find the past couple of weeks I've not been as productive as I would have wanted to been.

Now admittedly during the week, the majority of my time is spent at work, commuting and then going to my classes. Which to be fair, my classes have gave me something to do during my free time, and they are fun. But as much as I enjoy my classes, I sometimes get frustrated at the fact I don't get much time to progress my business side of things.
I have to wait until the weekends to really make progress.

The classes I'm currently doing are:

  •  Well it was Salsa/Bachata on Monday's but the classes have stopped running due to the bar closing or something...
  • To replace the Salsa at the moment I have returned to my Combat Fitness class on Mondays.
  • NUDDA Martial Arts training on Tuesday
  • Muay Thai Wednesday
  • Improv Thursday
  • Strength and Conditioning on Saturday

Now the simple answer to my frustrations would be to just stop going to the classes right?

I don't want to stop though, first of all I'm getting super fit and I'm learning how to fight.
and Improv is helping with my speaking.

Plus I want to enter a White Collar fight in March, so I plan after my Australia trip to replace my Improv with Sparring on Thursdays.
And go balls-to-the-wall with training...

This leaves me with the weekends and very little chunks of time during the week to progress my business side of things.
Hence why I need to make sure I'm being as productive as I possibly can. Because if I throw my weekend away, I have to wait a whole damn week to work on it again, which sucks balls...
I do think it's possible to do it all, I just have to juggle it all right and stay organised. My organisation skills are pretty poor though, so this is something I need to work on too.

So yeah - This weekend, I'm visiting my Dad. But I'm still gonna KILL IT. I have to, otherwise I won't achieve my goals!


IN OTHER NEWS, I'M LEAVING FOR AUSTRALIA IN 2 WEEKS

I honestly cannot wait, I've been waiting all year for this. And I've been wanting to go since I was like 8 years old.
It's so damn close ahahahaaha.

I honestly think when I'm out there my whole perspective will change, and when I come back I will have experienced so much. It's gonna make me go BALLS TO THE MOTHERFUCKIN WALL to get back out there travelling and doing cool shit. Because I really am not about this routine 9-5 lifestyle man, fuck this shit. As much as I like aspects of my work, doing the same things at the same place with the same people for a shitty wage sucks!

Like literally, whenever my routine gets broken up and something new happens during my new working day - I get so fucking happy...

But yeah, I can't wait. It's just gonna be a completely new world to what I've gotten used to over the past year.
I'm gonna finally learn to surf! Imma be able to wake up whatever fucking time I want, actually see some sunlight during the day, go off-roading, flying, motorbike riding with my granddad and grandma.
Go party, have barbecues. And so much other shit.
Man I seriously cannot wait.

I'm going to get a glimpse of what my life could be like everyday if I work hard enough to achieve it, and I think that is the coolest thing. Because it is possible, you only have to look at the man himself @Cam Adair.
Now I know life isn't a party everyday lol - But I know for damn sure it can be 1000x more interesting than what I'm currently experiencing.

That's all I want in life ya'know - To have fun everyday, with amazing people, and the freedom to do whatever the fuck I want!
Money doesn't bother me that much, but it obviously is the catalyst to freedom. So therefore money does bother me a lot! lol
But I certainly do not want to be a slave to money. Fuck that shit


Anyways, i'll end this post here.
I need to make this weekend count, and every day after that. Because every day I lose, pushes back the day i'll be free.

- Brad


 


 

Edited by Brad_Hurst
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I am writing this post as a reminder to myself before I go to bed.
It's been circulating my mind since I got off of my call with Cam and it has truly struck home with me today.
So I need to write it down briefly for now as I need to sleep, and I will expand on it in later posts.

I need to be putting in way more effort than I currently am, if I truly want to be successful.
For too long I have been way too reliant on other people. I always want people to do things for me, I always want people to tell me how to go about my day and exactly how I should be doing things.

If I want to be successful in life, I need to be making these choices on my own.

I have been too lazy and uncommitted.
I've been looking for a magic pill that will magically sort each problem that I have.
I do what is necessary to scrape by...
That's why I only tend to become productive when a deadline is approaching, that's why I am nearly always late because I leave the house at the last possible second to get to work.
I truly have been a lazy motherfucker and i'm just dreaming that I'm going to achieve great things whilst proceeding to do very little to actually achieve my dreams.

It's gonna be fucking hard to change this demon inside of me.
But it has to happen, it will fucking happen.
I say i'm going to do alot of things, but I hardly ever follow-through. It has to change, there is no alternative...
NONE.

From this day on, i'm pledging to myself that I Bradley Hurst:
Will put 110% effort into EVERYTHING that I do!
That is the only way I am going to succeed.
When I'm scared of doing something, I am going to DO IT. It is the ONLY way for growth.

I know my brain is going to be fighting me constantly, as I have trained it over the past 19 years to be a lazy bitch.
I have to FIGHT.

When my conscious mind is telling me to do something for growth, but my subconscious mind is telling me not to do it because it's uncomfortable...
I am going to do it, i'm going to drill my brain into taking action until it is in my subconscious mind.

I will do it, I will, I will, I will.

- Brad.


 

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Do you know how well you can balance?

For those of you reading my journal today, I have a real quick test for you!
It will only take minutes maximum, depending on how well you do!

You see, i'm heading off to Australia in just over a week and one of my main goals when i'm out there is to learn how to surf.
As you probably know, balance is a key skill in surfing.
I got curious about this today and wondered if there was a way I could train and test my balance, so I searched through a few surf blogs and this is what they recommend!
It's a real quick and easy way to tell!

Here's what you do:

Easy mode:
Stand on a single leg and raise the opposite leg up in front of you with the knees bent slightly. Your hips want to be square, spine straight and core engaged at about 50%.
Then with your eyes open, focus on a single point in front of you.
Hold this for 60 seconds.

Hard mode:
Do the same as Easy mode BUT close your eyes!
If you can reach 60 seconds then you have a satisfactory level of balance for surfing!

A real quick and easy way to tell! :)

There are other variations too, such as throwing a ball between your hands and standing on a folded pillow.
But we'll keep it simple for today!

Post how well you do!

I actually did Hard mode and reached the full 60 seconds! 
Although I was counting in my head :P (Usually i'm quite slow so maybe I did longer!)
Either way, this has to be a good start to my surf trip haha.

- Brad



 

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Hey, this will be a quick post today before I head off to bed.

I'm really trying to discipline myself at the moment... Making sure I take action even when I don't want to.

It was around 10:30PM and I realized I hadn't completed my 30 minutes of copywriting for the day. Now usually I would say, oh i'll do it in the morning.
No, not anymore - I'm making sure that it gets done everyday, even if it's super late... That is my own damn fault for not waking up early enough to do it in the morning.

Today I also completed 10 minutes of meditation, attended my Martial arts class and listened to a Tim Ferris Podcast.
I have also written 3 things i'm grateful for in my notebook and finished off by posting on here for the day!

I also wrote in my dream journal when I woke up, it was a pretty crazy dream i'm ngl - Miniature fire dragons and all kinda shit lol - I'm hoping to achieve a lucid dream soon!

Tomorrow I will wake up at 5:30 despite going bed quite late...
I will:

  • Do 30 minutes of copywriting
  • Meditate at least 10 minutes
  • Read Power of Habit for at least 15 minutes

I've laid off the cold showers at the moment only because I've got a bit of a sore throat and I don't want to make it worse lol.

- Brad

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Checking in once again,

Today I had a much more successful morning, however it still needs improvements. I got out of bed at around 5:40, completed 20 push-ups, hopped in the shower, ate a banana, 10 minutes of meditation, 30 minutes of copywriting and then breakfast. Unfortunately I wasn't able to read much of my book as time began to run short before I had to leave for work.

I also felt really low on energy this morning despite completing the majority of the tasks I set out to do. This may be due to the lack of sleep as I went to bed quite late last night, and perhaps the food I ate the night before. But it should not have been the food as it was quite a clean meal (chicken, veggies and potatoes).

I found a way to fix my low energy this morning. On my way to work I decided to stick on my custom playlist on spotify which includes all of my favourite songs that i've picked up on over the past year. I put the volume pretty fucking loud and was just jamming the fuck out all the way to work haha. The people sitting behind me probably thought I was going mad, but I was in the motherfucking element brah :D

So yeah I got to work pretty happy and energized after that drive lol.

I had my written appraisal at work today. Went pretty decent, my boss wanted me to self assess myself before the meeting so we could compare what we both thought of my performance. It's funny, for like the first 5 items on the list I got the exact same rating number out of 10 as my boss and also pretty much matched description for description on the reason for that number. I identified quite well where my weak spots were, my major was being my punctuality, I consistently show up to work pretty much as the buzzer for 8:00AM goes. Sometimes a minute early, but also sometimes a minute late. Obviously this is not good enough and I really need to work on this, it's actually something that I've struggled with all through out high school. Like from the age where I started travelling to school myself, I always turn up right on time or sometimes late. You would think it would be easy to fix... Just leave 5 minutes earlier, but there is something inside me that hates doing that... It's like i'm trying to optimize all the time I can at home lol. Weird shit, but I have got to work on improving that.

Finally, attended my Mauy Thai Class. We were doing some conditioning training today, the first exercise required two guys to stand either side of me, i'd do a squat and then they'd take it in turns kicking me in the stomach, and then i'd squat and they'd kick me, the cycle repeated for like 3 minutes. I've got a decent core so it didn't hurt me to be honest, although when they hit you directly in the solo plex it does wind you a little, and a fart can come out if you don't breath properly xD. Then we did a combo and had to kick the side of the body... My training partner didn't aim properly and smashed his shin straight into my hip! We both screamed out in pain lol. The final conditioning exercise was a combo with a inside kick that pulls out your opponents leg, stumbling them forward and then you smash down with another kick to attempt to hit their IT Band, but if you know how to defend you turn your leg slightly and place your quadriceps muscles in place to take the hit. We were doing this for like 5 minutes and holy shit, my leg felt dead! It was horrible but I persisted!

I have started trying to watch some documentaries again, I found Planet Earth on Netflix so I am going to watch those through. It's pretty awesome ngl! :D

Tomorrow I will again:

  • Wake up at 5:30
  • Meditate
  • 30 minutes copywriting
  • Read 15 minutes power of habit
  • Improv

- Brad



 

Edited by Brad_Hurst
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8 hours ago, Mimetic said:

I read so much of meditation here..think im gonna try it too... :) Can you take some pics of kangaroos in australia for me? :P

Definetely start meditating! Use an app called headspace to get started!

And I damn sure will! Might even get an action shot of me boxing one xD

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Hey hey,

Alrighty, to kick the day off... I overslept a little! My alarm was going but I was in such a good dream I was just completely ignored it! I can't remember the exact time I got out of bed, but I had enough time to hop in the shower, meditate and then have my breakfast. I didn't get to read or do my copywriting this morning unfortunately.

But! I did get a nice positive boost when I woke up, I checked the game quitters forums in the morning and I had a notification. @Shine Magical had included me in her journal post, writing that all the exercise I have been doing is motivating her to yoga more frequently! That's awesome! I'm glad all the pain I am putting myself through has inspired another! :)
So that made my morning, thank you @Shine Magical!

My improv class was cancelled today so instead I chose to go back to my boxing sparring class. I honestly have been missing this alot. I really enjoy the intense workout we do and then getting to pressure test all of the techniques I learn with a gum-shield in, gloves on and box! (In a controlled manner of course). I've been to a fitness/martial arts class every day of the week so far... I think I am definitely going to have a rest day tommorow!

After my class I received a notification on my phone inviting me to a Christmas party. It's funny how I met the invitee though... Back when I used to play on a GTA San Andreas Roleplay server (NGG). I used to be the leader of a racing organisation, he was a hitman... We somehow stumbled across each other and got speaking, we eventually found out we were both British. And so I joined the teamspeak with him and bunch of other english guys and we formed a kind of cult. We got on really well and I started to play other games like CSGO with him. Anyways, we both kind of stopped playing as the server died out and then he messaged me one day saying that he was attending the university in my city!
He seems to be a real party kinda guy, whenever I have gone out clubbing in town I always seem to find him haha. It was amazing the first time I met him in real life, like we used to play together SO MUCH and the only thing I knew was a picture of his face from facebook. I don't really speak to him that much though, I probably should have tried to form a better connection with him and then I would have been able to experience the Uni life that I always think i'm missing out on. But, cause I was gaming I could never be bothered to form relationships...

So anyways, I digressed. I'm going to attend this party, i'm torn between whether I should take my friend or just go by myself. It's funny, whenever I go to these spontaneous events by myself I tend to have more success with the ladies... I mean, I never got laid... BUT, the two times I went to a party without my closer friend I got with a girl, just fucked up when it got to the bedroom lol. I mean the ratio is pretty good right? xD To be honest, both of those occasions I had a bit to drink, and so did the girl. I've never done anything with girls whilst sober, and that's really what I want to work on. Not having to really on confidence from alcohol. Maybe I should go to the party by myself, not drink too much... I'll be COMPLETELY out of my comfort zone as I will know no one other than my gamer friend. And these are the scenarios where I really struggle. When everyone doesn't know each other I come across quite confident and can keep the "Getting to know you stage" rolling pretty well. But if everyone already has their groups formed and I need to merge myself in, awh man I suck. I mean i'm already quiet in group conversations even when it's with my family or friends. HOW THA FECK DO I DO WITH STRANGERS LOL. Usually my strategy at parties is to go straight to the dance floor and rock my shit, have fun by myself and then dance with a girl if she makes eye contact. I don't really have to speak then, I let the body do the talkin :)

Finally, I just did my 30 minutes of copywriting and will write 3 things in my gratitude journal after this post. I will never let a day go by again where I haven't completed these tasks!

Gah, I planned to keep this post short as I wanted to sleep... When something pops into my head when i'm writing, I HAVE TO WRITE IT LOL. It needs to come out!

Peace,

Brad.


 

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Always be pushing your comfort zone mayn. If it's not hard you're not growing. I need to take my own advice as well! I'm also still having trouble getting sexual although I do give way less fucks it's just I'll be so immersed in the conversation that I'll forget to raise the stakes and bring it further! Until it flatlines and the girl leaves lol. Hitting the dancefloor straight away can be an good tactic to loosen up and get in the zone but once again, if it's become comfortable, you're not growing. It's easy to hit the dancefloor, start having fun by yourself, then forget or not bother to actually do anything else. By the way remember you complained about not having any venues, now look at you! Passin out in clubs, getting invited to parties. See, shit works out. I wish I had parties here! The tables have turned. All I've managed is a bar once a week. I NEED to hit a club up tomorrow lol.

Yeah groups that already know eachother is harder but not impossible, just requires extra effort. You need to be obnoxious, loud, interesting. Else they will go back to talking about their own stuff and you will be forgotten. Doesn't matter what the fuck you say, but you need to be expressing, letting off energy, vibing, anything but being silent ;0 Also it's useful to make friends with one group, then that group can be your "hub" for the night from which you venture out to meet even more, and return to to kick back and recharge.

About the friend, well it depends if he's likeminded and self-dependant or not. I have friends that do dating/pickup as well and they tend to push me and help cement the intention fir the evening, but I also have a friend who is not as outgoing or commited and I would feel held back because I try to watch out for him and include him into the conversations etc. Going to venues on your own is very beneficial and growing in of itself too IF you push yourself, set strong intentions and hold yourself accountable. Btw yeah I can only recommend reducing the alcohol or even trying sober a couple times! Atleast be aware that it's a crutch, and if you're getting too comfortable and are ready for a next level, try sober. It feels awesome being the most sociable yet sober guy, nice confidence boost once youre over the initial hurdle

Edited by thehondasc00py
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@thehondasc00py - It may seem that I'm always getting invited out but it's actually very rare lol. Being loud and obnoxious is something I find very difficult to do in social situations, as in everyday life I don't tend to be that talkative... Get me playing sports or computer games though and I will be shouting and being loud! So yeah it's definitely something I need to work on and I probably just need to make a complete fool of myself, getting rejected and all that. I so often take on this "chilled" persona and want everyone to get along with me, hence why I probably don't like saying risky things. However I must say, when I do attempt to say more fun/teasing comments it always feels forced and very often the recipient will come back at me with their comments and this is where I just fizzle because I find it hard to play in the banter game. This has caused me throughout my life to always be at the bottom of groups, where everyone teases fun at me - And because I have no good responses, it stays that way. I always take it as a joke and don't take it to heart but I'm secretly wishing that I could banter back at them. I think this is the core reason why I am so quiet in group conversations. I get overpowered constantly in groups and am basically made the bitch of the group because they know I won't have anything to come back at them. I think because I take the jokes well though and laugh with them, I gain some kind of respect but not the kind I would ideally like. This definitely stems all the way from a younger age, and looking now at all the groups I have been involved with this has always been the case.
I'm actually experiencing this at work, I experienced it with my friends, in school and to some extent with my family. But it's really weird because they do also respect me and treat me like a normal person. So I wouldn't call it bullying really, I'm basically just really shit at banter and it puts my authority in groups really low.

I will probably go by myself, the only thing is I asked my friend before this invite if he wanted to go out Tuesday night. But with this party being on the Monday I'm not sure I wanna do 2 nights in a row... I think I'm gonna have to do it sober to keep the costs down xD

- Just realised how much of a tangent I went on there, but I think that's the beauty of these journals. It allows you to dig deeper into your real thoughts and put it in writing.

Edited by Brad_Hurst
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Wassap,

Hopefully my entry today will be a bit shorter!

OH god, this morning was a little bit of a struggle. I've definitely beaten my body up over the past 4 days, it did not want to get out of bed. I did eventually get out, not leaving myself that much time before work so I only had time for a shower and some breakfast.

I've been doing some overtime at work, I requested 10 hours overtime for this month but because i'm off to Australia soon I basically only gave myself 2 weeks to complete 10 hours overtime! Ya I guess 10 hours isn't that much, but when you're adding it on top of a 9 hour day PLUS the up to 2 hour commute time it does feel like alot! I've generally just been staying behind 30 minutes each day but then when it comes to Fridays, because I finish at 1PM (Only 5 hours on Fridays) I have been staying for like an extra 2 hours.
The nice thing about working overtime however is firstly, I get paid my hourly rate X 1.5. Also I get to listen to music because it's out of office hours. Today I stayed behind for 2.5 hours, I had my music going and I swear to god I had some MAD lazer focus. There was no one in the office to distract and annoy me; I actually find  people walking by with their dull work faces really puts me off. Also I was trying to finish off all my work before I finish next Monday. Honestly all of this added together makes me work so damn productively. It's strange though, because despite me enjoying working all by myself. I do like being around people despite me being quite quiet.

In fact, yesterday I was really trying to figure something out that I have been unable to find the answer to for quite a while. That something is...

Am I Introverted or extroverted?

You would think, with me being all quiet and all and enjoying solitude at times that i'm introverted. But I do like being surrounded by people, I do enjoy going to loud parties and playing sports and all that. Maybe i'm just a shy extrovert? Or an ambivert... I dunno, I really can't figure it out lol. I don't really engage in small talk that often at work, I find it really boring and pointless and much rather talk about peoples interests and diving deeper into what makes them tick. Which makes me think i'm introverted... But then, I don't always keep to myself. I do say hello to everyone, I do open up and quite often I probably overshare most of the time. If I had the choice between going to a party or staying in and reading a book, I would go party! (I just don't get invited out often at all, so I just resort to being on my own.). So i'm probably just a lonely ass extrovert. Again, I come across confident in my body language but i'm quiet. So yeah, I'm really confused on this one. Does it even really matter? Probably not, no matter which one I am I know what i'd ideally like to be like. It would just be nice to know what I identify with and be comfortable with who I am. But then... Do I want to be comfortable with who I naturally am? Because i'm not happy with how I am at the moment, I don't want to settle brah.

Another thing that has been pondering my mind is... I feel like I definitely need to start trying to build my personal brand. Kind of like what i'm doing with my video blogs and journal. But making it more public. As I grow, I hope that I can build an audience who can grow with me. I feel quite strongly about this, I'd love to be able to help others who are in the same situation as me. And by being public right from the start, people can see where I started and where I am now (In the future). It's set in my mind that i'm going to be successful, I have no doubt. I have alot to learn, one of the main things is remaining completely focused and avoiding procrastination. It would be so fucking awesome to build a cult just like what Cam has done with GameQuitters. I can only imagine how satisfying it is for him when he reads how everyone is improving their lives based on the information/resources he has provided for them.

I know I've mentioned quite a few things that I wanna try and start and maybe it's too much all at once, but I think this could be very important to future success. I don't think it would take too much time, just a documented video every now and then to update my progress. Including the things i've learnt and resources that have helped me so far. Uploading pictures of crazy parties and awesome shit that I do. Just building my online presence in general. Ya that would be fucking awesome :D

After work, my mum, my sister and I put the christmas tree up. To be honest I haven't been feeling very festive this year... My sister put some christmas music on and of course, I started dancing like an embarrassing Dad would lmao.  There is just something with me and music that makes me dance, no matter the bloody genre. We ended up watching a film after.

I still hadn't done my copywriting for the day, the day was quite late on and I could have quite easily have gone to bed. But I am committed to doing it, despite slipping a little earlier on in the day. Got 30 minutes in, meditated and now i'm writing this journal post.

Tomorrow I will be attending my Strength and Conditioning and then I have no plans for the weekend, fuck.
Infact, I will go through all of my recorded calls with Cam and take notes. I have been meaning to do this for a while now, he has been giving me some real golden nuggets and I need to dig through and get them all in nice notes. Seriously guys, Cam has so much information to give! I would highly recommend his coaching.

Well that's it for todays post. And... Damnit it was long again, I can't help myself! If you read all the way through, thank you so much for supporting me. It honestly means alot <3.

- Brad

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Quick entry today, i'm well tired...
 

  • Woke up and went to my strength and conditioning class.
  • 20 minutes of straight meditation
  • Received a speeding fine :o
  • 30 minutes of copywriting complete
  • Cleaned room
  • Started sorting through my draws and getting rid of all the crap + Finding stuff to potentially sell.
  • Cooked a chicken and pasta dish with sister
  • Watched Slum Dog Millionaire

Overall, I've been feeling pretty lonely today despite going to my class in the morning and spending some of the day with my sister. I definitely need to grow my social circle. Sometimes i'm not bothered being alone and quite enjoy it, I can have mad energy and get lots of shit done. And then basically other times, I can feel fucking horny brah... But I ain't loading up no porn and fapping no more. Instead I just get frustrated and sad that i'm alone. I try not let it affect my productivity but it can affect my mood which slows my productivity down. Gah, I gotta find more friends I can hang out with and get some experience with girls.

- Brad

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When it comes to introvert vs. extrovert it's more of a question about how you recharge and not about whether or not you're "social" or not. If being around people gives you more energy than you're probably more of an extrovert, whereas if you need to spend time alone to gain energy back, you're more of an introvert. Either way it doesn't matter, it's just good to know yourself more.

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I think I must be an introvert then. I usually feel drained after social situations...

Another quick entry today...

It was quite a chill day. First of all, it snowed all night and it was the first time it's snowed this year. We don't see alot of snow in the UK so it was quite beautiful really. The last time I saw snow I was skiing in Austria! Which was earlier this year :).

Today I did some meditation in the morning and then I had to pick my sister up from my aunties house... To get there you have to drive down some country lanes  and obviously it had been snowing and I drive a little renault clio, front wheel drive. Soooo not the best mix for driving. To be honest though, I was looking forward to driving in the snow, it seemed fun! My mum didn't want me driving in snow for the first time by myself so she came with me. To be honest I felt really confident and I feel that playing video games helped me in a way. Maybe being confident when driving in snow is a bad thing and that's probably why she wanted to come with me haha. I got there and back just fine, a few times my mum would tell me to slow down. And sometimes i'd hit the gas hard on purpose just to get my wheels spinning ahah ;) Tommorow i'm gonna have to go all the way to work and it'll still be on the ground so I will have to take it easy.

I spent the majority of my day today with my grandparents as it is the last time my sister and I will see them before Australia. They cooked us a lovely Sunday dinner and then I played in the snow for an hour or 2 with my cousins and sister as they live over the road from my Nan and Granddad.

One thing however, and i'm returning to a previous topic here. I'm still very quiet around my family. I think i'm starting to find some of the reasons why... First of all, they talk alot about other people, often in a negative way. I don't like to do this. Secondly they talk about surface level topics that rarely interest me. For instance, the latest TV shows or celebrities. They do talk about past events within the family too, but to be honest I find it quite hard to recall events that have happened in the past. I must of not been paying that much attention...
Obviously I do speak when they talk directly to me and ask me questions. It's not that I feel shy at all, i'm quite happy to just listen. Half the time I have no interest in the things they're speaking about, the other half I have no clue what they're talking about... If i'm ever going to develop better relationships, have more friends and be better at talking to girls... I feel like I NEED to get better at general "Chit-chat". I just find it quite uninteresting. 

When I got home I did 30 minutes of copywriting and now i'm posting this journal.
I'm aware i haven't posted a video blog this week, I'll make sure to get one out tommorow if I have time - Although I am heading out to a christmas party. On that, I did ask my friend if he wanted to go but I have a feeling he's gonna flake on me. I'm going to go regardless, even though I know literally know one xD.

Finally last day of work tommorow! Just gotta do 30 minutes of overtime and then I've completed my 10 hours of overtime for this month. Gotta remember to buy some mince pies for my team!

- Brad

Edited by Brad_Hurst
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Yo dude.

I wouldn't read too much into the introvert-extrovert thing. Personally, I never bought into it. It's not binary. Self and identity is waaaaay more complex than that.

I really get the silent at the dinner table thing. Believe me, it was faaar worse with me. I had an awful relationship with my parents, I treated them horribly at some points. Here's what I realized and applied when I finally grew up and became more compassionate with myself and them: it's never about the content, it's about the emotion. People just want to engage with other human animals, share in emotions, and feel acknowledged. So, where you're talking about grocery shopping, zen buddhism, the weather, Barbara's horrible nosejob, or copyrighting, really doesn't matter. just make the gestures, go through the motions, and show interest in whatever the topic is. Ask questions even if you're not interested. Don't have to be, you're engaging. Eventually it becomes more and more natural. It's not about the content, its about making conversation just for the sake of making conversation. For itself. So practically, just ask questions about what the other person is saying. The next level is then to start talking about yourself, whatever it is, your parents will love it.

BTW: yeah shittalking about others is straight up whack and usually I would just cut those people out of my life but since it's your family, I would try humour. Like, don't take it so seriously, crack a few jokes, keep it light. Make fun of the whackness, make it silly. That's how I would go about it atleast.

Being a social chameleon is a very useful skill to have, to be able to fit in with everyone. So see it as a skill and practice at the dinnertable ;)

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10 hours ago, Shine Magical said:

Idk if I would want to be in a car with you based on what you’ve been writing in your journal lol

Haha. I just like to have fun! I promise I'm safe :P

@thehondasc00py - I guess that's where I have been going wrong. I've always been trying to get something out of social interactions, like it feels pointless if not. I will try and include more emotion in my interactions and focus less on what is actually being said. I've actually read that a few times now, "it's not what you say, it's how you say it". I do already ask a lot of questions but I find that kills the vibe half of the time. I need to work more on making statements kind of like what we do in improv. It's gonna feel unnatural as fuck to engage in useless chit chat but I guess I gotta do it if I'm ever gonna improve my situation.
Thanks dude :)

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Gah, I missed a day of journalling! I have a good excuse though!

Yesterday was the last day of work before my holiday! Woo woo! It's so close now i'm well excited haha.

Last night I went out to a Christmas partayyy. My friend bailed on me, I thought he would... The party was hosted in a student accommodation flat and I literally knew no one other than the host who invited me! I met him through gaming, so to be honest I didn't really know him that well in real life either! I bought myself a bottle of vodka and some coke to drink with it and then I was set. All on my own heading off to this party where I knew no one, and they all knew each other really well. Oh my most dreaded situation...

The flats were all in blocks behind these big gates that you need student ID to get past. So when I arrived I was waiting out in the cold for a good 5-10 minutes for someone to come down and let me in. Bare in mind it was like -5° and icy as fuck lol. Finally a bunch of them came to come and get me and smoke at the same time. They were all friendly and I started talking to a few of them. I wanted to try and establish a connection with someone early on so that later on, I can use them as my backup so I didn't look like a complete loner! We eventually went up to the flat and when I walked in there were a load of people just chilling out on sofas, which were all facing the door. You can imagine the faces, when some random dude walks through the door and they're all trying to figure you out. It did feel pretty fucking awkward haha. I immediately took off my jacket, put it to the side and poured myself a drink. I sat down on one of the stools and just started asking questions to the nearby people in my proximity. I wanted to make sure I wasn't seen as the random guy who gets invited to a party and sits there all on his own. I think I was doing pretty well to be honest. I caught quite a few of the girls staring at me a bit. Probably wondering, "Who the fuck is this guy" xD. I guess I was kind of fortunate that there were some other guys there who I used to play with as well. But was never really close to them, I just knew who they were and spoke to them sometimes on teamspeak. This was like 2-3 years ago though! Is it bad that I could only remember their gaming name, not their real name? xD Fortunately, it was a role play game so they were normal names. So it was nice to have something in common which definitely helped me out alot.

When I had a break from talking to one of the guys, I was sat by myself for a little bit. I was just smiling, enjoying the music and embracing the environment. It was quite short lived though as the friend who invited me was asked to introduce me to these 2 girls sitting across the room from me. They were wondering who I was, as obviously everyone else is quite tightly knitted together. But I guess that's a positive right? One of the girls was well fit, dayum... I'll be honest though, my talking time with them was quite short. I remained in the conversation but kind of took a back sit as one of the other gamer guys joined in on the conversation. This guy though will become a God's Gift later on. I'll be honest though, even though I had the boosted confidence from drinking - I didn't really feel like hitting on the girls that much. I don't know if this was my thinking at the time but I soon realized after the party that I am better off getting myself approved by the group first so that I get invited out to more parties in the future. That'll also give me more time to build better connections and meet more people (and girls).

I'll be honest, the last half of the night is a bit of a blur. I know that my friend who invited me to the party got pretty fucked up and then ended up banging some fat chick in one of the bedrooms. We then all went off to a nightclub (Except my friend who was destroyed). I think I was just dancing the majority of the time, although I don't remember too well. I do know that near the end of the night I was just walking around the club by myself so fucking tired. I ended up sitting on one of the chairs and started falling asleep lol. It felt like all my energy had been drained. When the club started to close I went outside by myself, no clue where everyone else was and then BOOM. That gamer guy who I made friends with came over and found me. It was just me and him, no idea where anyone was. He called up one of his mates to ask if we could stay in their flat and then boom, next thing I know i'm in some girls flat sleeping on a sofa. Man I wish I had game, because she was fit too :P

I wake up the next day, probably only about 4 hours sleep. Good sleep though, that sofa was comfy as fuck! And guess what, there is different girl just sitting there at the table eating her breakfast. She didn't seem fazed at all, "Like yeah this shit happens all the time". I imagine it does tbh. After that I get in a taxi and go home.

These are all the funny stories that I feel like i'm missing out on by not going to uni. It does look like a whole load of fun. But then I have to think and I was gathering this evidence through-out the night. The students are broke as fuck, and they're in debt and half of them don't have a clue what they're doing with their lives. I think this is the side of things I often glaze over so hungry to experience the "Uni life". But there is another side to the coin... Still, I would love to be around a load of people my age, living in the same building and partying all the time and doing all kinds of fun shit.

Overall, it was a decent night. I'm proud that I went by myself and was able to socialise a bit and make some friends.

Today I obviously felt a little hungover. I went back into town with my Mum and Sister to do some shopping, I also went back to the flats briefly to pick up my jacket that I left there. When I walked in, there they all were again... Slumped on the chairs looking half dead haha. So I spent most of the day with my family. They wanted to pick up some bits for christmas and I wanted to spend the £25 voucher I had. Bought a cool woolly hat and a new pair of sports shorts.

When we got home, I had a 40 minute nap which recharged me pretty well to be honest and then I went to my martial arts class even though I was running on very little sleep. I took both my cousins this time too. Got home, meditated and then here I am writing this journal. And holy shit I've been writing for at least 30 minutes now!

I NEED TO SLEEP!
Good night, love you all.

Brad.

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Yo, real quick post today.

1 day till Australia now! Wooo.

I haven't even packed yet! So i'll be getting that all ready tommorow. Also gotta get myself a fresh trim so i'll be looking good all holiday :) Finally just gotta get my travel money sorted. I've left quite a few things till last minute, I should really get this stuff sorted earlier... Oh well, can't go back now.

Maynn i'm super excited now, it's gonna be awesome! :D

Brad.

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4 hours ago, Brad_Hurst said:

Yo, real quick post today.

1 day till Australia now! Wooo.

I haven't even packed yet! So i'll be getting that all ready tommorow. Also gotta get myself a fresh trim so i'll be looking good all holiday :) Finally just gotta get my travel money sorted. I've left quite a few things till last minute, I should really get this stuff sorted earlier... Oh well, can't go back now.

Maynn i'm super excited now, it's gonna be awesome! :D

Brad.

Have a great time man, upload pics :)

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I really enjoy reading your journal. That party night you posted about right before your leaving sounded great :D The best things happen if you dont try to force them. Have a great start in australia! :)

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