We play games because we feel miserable. We don't feel miserable because we play games. So when we quit playing games, we still feel miserable.

Games are not the problem but also not the solution. I felt really shitty today, despite the fact that I was able to withstand which should make me proud. But withstanding is no positive action. It is still focused on the thing you try to withstand. Maybe one has to focus on withstanding through something positive that works distracting.

I got the feeling, that you still delve into anything that has to do with gaming. At least you still write about that in your blog. Maybe you should focus more on that emo girl thing or whatever else you are interested in?

 

We play games because we feel miserable, but playing games itself contributes to our misery as well.

It affects both our physical and mental health; it stalls our progress, so we find ourselves far behind our peers when we finally stop playing. Seeing that, we feel even worse, which then makes us game even more because fuck everything. Vicious cycle.

The blog will focus on general personal development with more focus on video game addiction + an odd shitpost here and there because I find them fun. I'd also like to start writing about ketogenic diet a bit as I don't like the way it's being presented. Too much focus on fat loss. Not enough on mental benefits.

The thing is basically the drug from that movie Limitless. At least for me. But you need to give up the carb/sugar rush in exchange; it's not an easy deal to make. (For me as well.)

Gonna write a more detailed post on studying / attention next week. Been monitoring my thoughts & emotions during studying closely and writing it down as it all happens.

Does anyone actually eat pineapple on pizza or is that just a meme?

We play games because we feel miserable, but playing games itself contributes to our misery as well.

It affects both our physical and mental health; it stalls our progress, so we find ourselves far behind our peers when we finally stop playing. Seeing that, we feel even worse, which then makes us game even more because fuck everything. Vicious cycle.

I once met two old guys under a bridge. They beckoned to me to come here and sit down with them, what I actually did. Just out of curiosity. They told me their story, that everything wasn't their fault. How they will change their life, soon. Really soon. They will get everything back, everything will be as it once was. Yes. But meanwhile, let's drink another beer. Do you want some of the fried potatoes we just made in this pan we found in the trash can? Amazing what people throw away. Just look at this almost new set of knives. Do you need a knive? Don't worry, we dont want to kill you. Laughter.

I went away and realized: my life may be a pile of shit, but my body is not. I am not trained and weak, I may have some mental issues. But that is nothing a certain amount of time could not cure. It is not too late for me. I can change my life whenever I want. And I will change it, soon. Really soon. Yes. But meanwhile, let's play another round of this game. Amazing how bad all this casuals are and how easy it is to beat them. Those noobs. Laughter.

 

Yes I love pineapple on pizza. Although I don't eat pizza anymore, when I did I loved it. In fact, pineapple on anything. Bring it on.

I don't believe the pineapple pizza meme. I'll never believe it.

That said, I've developed the most degenerate pizza imaginable. Will post a picture when I order the thing; it's bizarre.

Edited August 14, 20169 yr by Marquess

In short, I can only write about so many things; this is what I know and what I'm interested in; plus there's a market for it or at least will be at a certain point.

Money making method 3:
Videogame addiction blog with an affiliate program for Cam´s ebooks.

Yes I love pineapple on pizza. Although I don't eat pizza anymore, when I did I loved it. In fact, pineapple on anything. Bring it on.

I love hamburguers with pineapple as well., yum.

In short, I can only write about so many things; this is what I know and what I'm interested in; plus there's a market for it or at least will be at a certain point.

Money making method 3:
Videogame addiction blog with an affiliate program for Cam´s ebooks.

There's not a lot of money in self improvement, tbh.

In short, I can only write about so many things; this is what I know and what I'm interested in; plus there's a market for it or at least will be at a certain point.

Money making method 3:
Videogame addiction blog with an affiliate program for Cam´s ebooks.

Need to get an affiliate program setup. Costs $200 for the plugin.

To be fair, making any sort of tangible money with blogging takes a huge amount of time and effort. Usually years. And if you're not Good Looking Looser, you still won't make a lot even after all that effort.

There are basically two ways to make money online: sell your products or promote other people's products. I'm going with the latter, and you don't have to spend 2 years blogging for that.

That is ... if I ever become capable of not being so depressed and studying for more than 30 minutes without wanting to jump out the window. I literally studied PHP for 30 minutes today and then had to take a 30 min break because I was overwhelmed with anxiety and all kinds of destructive thoughts.

Worst part: it's so, so fucking easy. I look at the fucking code and it's completely obvious what it does. But I struggle with remembering any of it. And so I make detailed notes, and that helps, and even so I find it difficult to put it into practice. Once I get it, it's all great, but everything before that is torture.

I don't believe most people have so many problems. Otherwise no one would ever study anything.

Basically, I have no problems understanding complex concepts and being creative with my present knowledge. It's the memorization part that completely wrecks me.

And it's not due to alcohol either. I've always been like that. I remember my high school very distinctly. I dream of failing it still (sometimes several times a week).

But h-hey, I'm sure that getting depressed after studying PHP for 30 minutes could make for a great programming joke :^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^).

I'll keep trying; I'll keep doing it every day. However, for fuck's sake, something's off.

Edited August 15, 20169 yr by Marquess

Gonna write a more detailed post on studying / attention next week. Been monitoring my thoughts & emotions during studying closely and writing it down as it all happens.

Does anyone actually eat pineapple on pizza or is that just a meme?

It's called hawaiian pizza, it has ham and pinapple.

In Mexico, at Domino's pizza there's a variant called Honolulu that comes with jalapeños and bacon.

To be fair, making any sort of tangible money with blogging takes a huge amount of time and effort. Usually years. 

People have no idea. Game Quitters makes around than $1,000/month and I've been working hard on it for the past 20+ months. It's very difficult to break through to the next levels.

It's called hawaiian pizza, it has ham and pinapple.

In Mexico, at Domino's pizza there's a variant called Honolulu that comes with jalapeños and bacon.

The evil that men do.

Edited August 16, 20169 yr by Marquess

To be fair, making any sort of tangible money with blogging takes a huge amount of time and effort. Usually years. 

People have no idea. Game Quitters makes around than $1,000/month and I've been working hard on it for the past 20+ months. It's very difficult to break through to the next levels.

Yeah, and you couldn't have done it without doing other stuff as well. GQ only makes sense in your case because there's far more to it than money.

Worst part: it's so, so fucking easy. I look at the fucking code and it's completely obvious what it does. But I struggle with remembering any of it. And so I make detailed notes, and that helps, and even so I find it difficult to put it into practice. Once I get it, it's all great, but everything before that is torture.

I don't believe most people have so many problems. Otherwise no one would ever study anything.

Basically, I have no problems understanding complex concepts and being creative with my present knowledge. It's the memorization part that completely wrecks me.

Interesting, for me it's the complete opposite. You say jump, I jump. You say recite that monologue, and that monologue goes. But give me a formula and you'll know the true meaning of torturing someone. "But Maths is easy"; go get p*gged by a 9, math nerds. Lovingly.

I also seem to get way too emotional the second something goes wrong. Internal drama today again. Now I looked at it one more time & realized I forgot to a set of parenthesis. Code runs fine now, heh.

Fucking terrible.

In general I'm worse off than I was before I started the 90 day detox, and I now understand why I started gaming (and drinking) in the first place on a very direct, deep level. This is insufferable.

I continue to write every day, taking a walk, and studying for 2-3 hours. After that, I'm usually so tired I just go lay in bed and mostly nap or listen to some podcast. Now it's 8 PM and I'm here.

My best bet right now is to hope this somehow gets better through a proper routine and that keto diet will help. If nothing of note happens, I'm open to give meds another go as much as I hate the idea for a variety of reasons.

Edited August 16, 20169 yr by Marquess

On the other hand, my Australian friend is facing a much worse situation; she's basically going to lose her income soon with no proper way, if she remains at the uni, of replacing it. I can't help her at all. Which isn't great since she's helped me a lot by talking me through some rough stuff (completely unrelated to anything here) not long ago.

Even so, it does put things into a perspective, I suppose ...

(Actual quote from C.S. Lewis, lol.)

Edited August 16, 20169 yr by Marquess

We got the saying:

"In the past, everything was good. Today everything is better. Now I wish everything was good again."

We got the saying:

"In the past, everything was good. Today everything is better. Now I wish everything was good again."

Amazing. 

Day 85. Ugh. The best thing about yesterday was watching Stranger Things. Amazing show in every aspect including music.

Also Cernovich gave me an idea for money making. Idk how big it can be, but I have to move fast and have something going by the end of today.

Also

poor bears:

Edited August 17, 20169 yr by Marquess

Idea proved to be bad. Even so, a successful day.

Idea proved to be bad. Even so, a successful day.

I'm happy; at the moment, I'm settled into a cozy routine that consists of getting up at 6-7 AM, going for a walk, writing at least thousand words, then two hours of studying. One hour PHP and one hour copywriting. I suck and PHP, but I want to learn it since I think not having at least some kind of programming knowledge makes you a pleb (and it's useful for Wordpress). Copywriting goes a lot better.

This is the max of what I'm capable right now as I have trouble sleeping and seem to feel a little worse every day. Going keto in a few days in hopes of improving it all and also making a psychiatrist appointment, ugh, tonight. (I don't intend to go on any kind of meds right now; I'd just like to see what are the options. I'm confident I can solve this without that crap.)

I managed to come up with about thousand more words on it if someone's interested: https://uncannythoughts.wordpress.com/2016/08/18/ungood/

Edited August 18, 20169 yr by Marquess

Just like you I didn't want to be on meds. In my case I didn't want to be one of those "weak minded" people who need pills.
I thought "I can get my life in order when I want, I will just have one more game, one more porn scene, etc"
But I started to a see a pattern in my depression. The pattern was:

Play videogames, neglect school, neglect my girlfriend, hit the gym sometimes, avoiding being social, sleeping late.
Watch porn, masturbate, felt like shit.
Repeat until I finally said that I had enough, vowed I would put my life in order.
I'd go a couple of days without porn and masturbation, put attention to school and my girlfriend, very little gaming, hit the gym often
Then I would start gaming and the cycle would repeat.

Each cycle the "vowing to put my life in order" time was shorter each time and the "feel like shit" was longer.
I don't even remember how many times I tried to beat my depression. I would get in a strong mindset but I would always eventually succumb.

You sound like you have your routine in order. Just be honest with yourself and put the cards on the table, let the doctor give you a diagnostic and see what happens.
By the way there are several types of depression, in my case I was diagnosed with Dysthymia, which is a chronic type but less severe.

Who is joining you to see the doctor?