Restored journal

[Amphibian220]

Day 21: No useless social networks or websites
Day 21: Investing time in communication skills.

Target by day 90 - master a language (basic French)
Improve fitness level - KPIs set

Start online business - Financial Plan to be devised

[BooksandTrees]

On 4/28/2023 at 4:17 AM, Amphibian220 said:

Start online business - Financial Plan to be devised

What's the business? That's exciting. 

[Amphibian220]

This is like a separate personal development portfolio research, I really have to try some things and attend interviews in order to see where my comparative advantage lies. I can choose new fields in legal advice (this is a model where you give limited advice online to people in need) or just try myself in completely new unfamiliar roles. 

This kind of probing can unlock immense potential but it requires discipline, to be in good health and a hunter mindset.

[Amphibian220]

Day 44: Self sabotaged by snacking. Snacking causes the need to get distracted by watching online sports (NBA league).

New plan from Day 45

Day 45: No snacking, drinking sufficient water between meals. No more NBA league. 

No useless videos. Investing time in communication skills.

[Amphibian220]

Day 62

In my first IT class in the 2nd year of high school I heard the teacher say “Computers are stupid, they cannot understand information but can only process data that is input by the user”.

 

Data and information are distinct because information is more complex and can only be understood by the user. Data can be read by the CPU to produce an output on the screen, and the tasks that the computer can perform range from industrial use, to education, entertainment, marketing, executing sales, storing and backing up information.

Now the computer that is connected to a global network is no longer a stupid machine. This kind of computer can be employed to control the user by targeted advertising.

I feel a lot more control that my internet usage has gone down to a minimum. 

 

[Amphibian220]

Day 1 of no social networks.

I cant lock into a task and complete it without getting distracted. I get distracted with social networks still. This is mini procrastination, throughout the day it amounts to a lot of wasted time.

if I force myself to stay on the task, work speed  goes down to a crawl. At times I fall asleep.

If the work is too hard for me to do, I should look for other type of work that will better suit my character, interests, and skill acquisition.

Any time the pull for systemic distractions or snacking arises, it is telling me I haven’t set up my environment right and am not tackling my needs right.

[BooksandTrees]

On 9/11/2023 at 8:25 AM, Amphibian220 said:

Day 1 of no social networks.

I cant lock into a task and complete it without getting distracted. I get distracted with social networks still. This is mini procrastination, throughout the day it amounts to a lot of wasted time.

if I force myself to stay on the task, work speed  goes down to a crawl. At times I fall asleep.

If the work is too hard for me to do, I should look for other type of work that will better suit my character, interests, and skill acquisition.

Any time the pull for systemic distractions or snacking arises, it is telling me I haven’t set up my environment right and am not tackling my needs right.

Huge improvement to my life was quitting social media. My mood and temper have greatly improved. 

[Amphibian220]

Hell's week

Day 1 - List of Habits

I made a list of all of my habits both good and bad. I crossed out the bad ones (taking into account what they are serving) and replaced them with healthier alternatives. I also wrote down a question for myself "What main event am I anticipating today?"

 

Day 2 - Awareness

I will be asking myself the right questions throughout the day. How well do I know the different tasks at my job? How could I improve on them? How do I address my empoyer? Am I clear and succinct, positive in my attitude? How do I respond to my employer? Do I take initiative in solving problems?

 

Day 3 - Time Management

We cannot see the big picture, cannot see what lies immediately ahead and get bogged down in mistakes. We realize that we have lost control over the situation and mistakes begin to multiply in a non linear ratio. What to do? The army people would say "You have to stop".

Where am I going? To stop doing what I was doing in the past is not easy, but it is worth it. Stop all the activities and assess the situation from a bird's eye view. Review the daily goals that you set yourself. Categorize, structure information and enter it into a diary. The aim with this is to have forward projection and this will give clarity to move forward at a healthy pace without getting bogged down anymore. 

Day 4 - Out of the comfort zone

No sleep this day. Start at 5 AM Thursday and go until 5 AM Friday. After this day you will realize that you have much more strength than you thought before. At the end of this day you will conquer your main fear.

 

Day 5 - Rest and Recovery

People have forgotten how to rest. We are strained all the time. We dont permit ourselves to rest even one day. And video games are not a way of resting. Plan friday so that you can do 3-4 things of which you have thought for a long time. Feel in charge.

 

Day 6 - Create a positive dialogue with self

 

Day 7 - Reflect how your life has changed and what you have learned.

Edited September 14 by Amphibian220

[Pochatok]

Look forward to walking along with you on this journey- best of luck, you're ambitious and honest and vulnerable, as always 💛

 

[Ikar]

On 9/14/2023 at 2:33 AM, BooksandTrees said:

Huge improvement to my life was quitting social media. My mood and temper have greatly improved. 

 

On 9/11/2023 at 2:25 PM, Amphibian220 said:

Day 1 of no social networks.

Upon reading this, I blocked/uninstalled News and YouTube from my phone. I also cleaned up my FB and LinkedIn interests to have only relevant business news there, perhaps just with a few of my interests mixed there. Gotta be persistent.

[BooksandTrees]

22 hours ago, Ikar said:

 

Upon reading this, I blocked/uninstalled News and YouTube from my phone. I also cleaned up my FB and LinkedIn interests to have only relevant business news there, perhaps just with a few of my interests mixed there. Gotta be persistent.

You got this. It really helps. 

[Amphibian220]

One week complete with no distractions but with some day dreaming when it got boring. I haven’t avoided anything at work so far which is good. I have not done an entire day without sleep this first week.

I read two books instead of social media this week.

I have made some changes to my basketball training routine to improve lay ups. I need to feel more relaxed in the game. I get too tense and nervous at the moment.

[Amphibian220]

i’ve learned something about a weakness of mine!

I just feel very excited, but Im going to see how the second week goes.

Edited September 22 by Amphibian220

[BooksandTrees]

On 9/21/2023 at 3:29 AM, Amphibian220 said:

i’ve learned something about a weakness of mine!

I just feel very excited, but Im going to see how the second week goes.

What did you learn?

[Amphibian220]

Any recovery program is going to work if you are ready to work it and you are worth it. Some people embark on therapy and over time decide: “actually, I like the existence with distractions, fighting for a meaningful life is risky”. I think, don’t fear it, you are well worth it. At times it appears that all these skills you are mastering seem to have no effect, but they are going to have effect. Your emotions will awaken and interest your people in you. You will develop good traits of character.

Life is a stage, if you dont bring the best of your acting to it, you will be thrown out.

Since I am new to negotiations with people, scripting my goals and potential outcomes and monitoring my presentation works well in quickly fixing some of the mistakes.

[Amphibian220]

Confusing day. I missed my basketball workout and couldn't concentrate at work most likely because of that.

I am planning to lengthen my workouts to 1.5 hours instead of 1 hour. I will get to see how much I can keep going in an intense cardio workout.

Edited September 25 by Amphibian220

[Amphibian220]

Week 2

Cannot memorize well because of my work interfering with my exam revision. I have to take time off to make sure I pass these exams. I have not attended basketball for the past week because of all the work assignments. Hope to win this week three.

[BooksandTrees]

5 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

Week 2

Cannot memorize well because of my work interfering with my exam revision. I have to take time off to make sure I pass these exams. I have not attended basketball for the past week because of all the work assignments. Hope to win this week three.

It will pass. Prioritize your education. You got this. It's only temporary right now, but lasts forever after with your degree. 

[wheatbiscuit]

On 10/8/2023 at 2:19 AM, Amphibian220 said:

I got abused at work and it happened too quickly before I could draw the line. I was listening to a very rude reprimand from a person who was not my manager and didn’t even know the circumstances of the case.

It would have hurt if I was at fault in a good way. But it hurt in a bad way because the person didn't know the circumstances and was just out to get someone, and the people around me felt that Im a doormat by staying polite . I felt overwhelmed afterwards because I couldn’t cut him off right at the start.

I have the weakness of wanting to explain myself a lot when people never really need or ask for it. I should learn to just cut off people who are having a bad day and notice I am an easy hit.

That sounds like tough going. You next wrote of mistrust - something hard to get rid of when there are such instances of people just blowing up at others in the workplace. I left (but disguised it as sacrificed to finish some studies) mine last year for reasons including mistrust. 

Even in Alan Watts lectures, who often speaks of things being alright as they are, concedes that life is good as well as bad because of all the natural 'fighting' between living things. I tell myself because of my situation and size that I ought not to set bad examples by having a 'contest' (because that could have been what your abuser saw the interaction as, other than potentially a venting opportunity) become ugly. I probably owe my lack of proper practice in younger years due to gaming addiction, and as a first lesson I'm committed to turning up to some recreational jiu jitsu later this month (I'll almost certainly be pushed into a 'fun' match with another big person whom I know). 

Anyway, most of us - and it sounds like you do too - know the difference between being 'nice' versus being kind. I'm sorry that you received grief for the weekend. Are you now close to feeling okay?

[Amphibian220]

Yes much better thank you. I find that it is important to choose your words carefully in a confrontation and me staying quiet about it was the better choice because the conflict was not worth it.

Contests with people who have no influence over you are lost battles from the start and its the child’s mentality to try to win them.

Somebody venting may hurt a bit , but the pain will go down when my therapy and effort starts to bring profit and I become stronger. Jocko Willink kept a straight face while he was getting berated and took humiliation countless times. At least that was motivation for him to get better.

The pain is symptomatic of me being shielded from life for too long. Being lazy and not wanting to work more on communication, health, other aspects. 

[Amphibian220]

Week 4.

Couldn’t concentrate in my basketball training, but got into it towards the end.

Revision complete, but Im still behind in my schedule

Failures:

Occasionally dreamt of strategy video games. 

Have not looked at university clubs yet.

 

[Amphibian220]

Week 5 and 6

Our basketball training has been cancelled for the last several weeks and my morale went down.

I could not focus on work very well and took some days off.

i got out in the rain a few times and had a good solo basketball session. Hope to pass the exams in January.

 

[BooksandTrees]

5 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

Week 5 and 6

Our basketball training has been cancelled for the last several weeks and my morale went down.

I could not focus on work very well and took some days off.

i got out in the rain a few times and had a good solo basketball session. Hope to pass the exams in January.

 

Good luck on exams. I found that even solo sports practice just helps a ton with clearing my mind and feeling better. Good job getting out there and shooting hoops.

[Amphibian220]

Weeks 7 and 8 showed a definite fall in discipline : missed my basketball training, revised insufficiently and dis a lot of hiking instead.

I binged on GQ journals and a number of books. I essentially relapsed by reading an entire book within a day because I wanted to avoid staying focused on my primary daily goals. I watched some videos on the internet that as a whole lacked depth.

My days are typically uniform and I am starting to think that some variety is going to be necessary. I am planning on making one of the weekly days a reflection day where I track progress, another day a sports day and three revision days.

Edited November 15 by Amphibian220

[Amphibian220]

Week 9:

I was ill to attend basketball, so spent a lot of time listening to podcasts instead of reading books and revising which is a relapse. 

Over dependence on podcasts has made me lose focus and discipline. Last night I intentionally avoided podcasts and had healthy sleep for the first time in weeks.

I’m grateful for all the team members encouraging self accountability on this forum. 

Edited Friday at 07:35 AM by Amphibian220