Amphibian220

Ismailkanaan, its called the psychology of stress, a very interesting read. You can share of course. I dont have an electronic link.

Alexanderle, what sort of loneliness are you talking about? There is the good loneliness I think, when you leave a harmful thing you will first “miss” it and gradually the sense loneliness will disappear. Today I just wanted to abandon one remaining task and go home daydream. I did that task despite my body going “no”. Im not very happy, but Cam Adair mentioned if you do that, you change. still have low energy and I think its just this stretch of time, hopefully that will pass.

Think and grow richer by Napoleon Hill

I have found a job that will keep me focused close to 100 percent. It will involve contact with people. Whether it will bring a sense of achievement. From my past experience and tracking progress in my diary: definitely will. The only threat is overloading myself. It will most likely be hard. Which is why diet, exercise, sleep, family support have to be on a good level

Correct thinking, drop all the bad habits at ince. Dont leave a back door to them. This advice will be of benefit to many members here.

Vidar, One of the things that happened to upset me more is the perception that success is a “template”. I programmed myself to think that I have to have certain things to be happy. Before circumstances showed me that life is way more varied than that! You will be amazed at how people discover their vocation. Look at Cam Adair, how many places he has visited!? He has made submissions to the UK Givernment already. All because whenever shitty thoughts came “This isn’t going to happen, this isn’t serious” He responded “ Its going to happen, I’ll just keep attacking, again, again and again” Fill your time with habits that together serve a greater purpose, set yourself a great goal, something that requires a lot of discipline and resolve. I swear this whole world with all its people and riches will fall to your feet, whether it likes it or not. we want to be happy guys on the sidelines, not exposing ourselves to danger, but we are in the firing line! We are at war, you can feel it. The forces that act against us are not immediately perceptible. Did any of us know that games are dangerous to play? Did Cam Adair know? Did you know? how about my topic DNA and phantom pain- Did you know about this? utter your war cry and be zealous with your goals edit: like the fact you are trying new things and showing initiative

Alexanderle, Never relapsed but here is the thing: time wasting is time wasting no matter how I try to disguise it to myself. I am only ever tricking myself, not parents or friends. I got into a job that had a lot of down time. More than 50 per cent of the time I had no work to do. Initially i tried to study work related material, but because I doubted it would be necessary I slipped into “internet browsing”, social network, etc. From that I figured I needed a job that would require near 100 per cent of my time and bring a great sense of achievement.

This fight with addiction is nothing short of a war. Did you know that charging fighters shout as they run at the enemy? When you have a good day and hit all your targets (possibly more than you expected), release that excitement with a good war cry. if you are feeling unmotivated, tired or someone is giving you a hard time, Support yourself with a good war cry. Let it be funny for the passers by, but its one if the great tastes if life. Have you seen a boxer win a difficult fight? Have you watched the corner? All his seconds are releasing that electric energy within them. I think ex gamers problem is that they keep both their ups and downs within too much.

Let me work on these negative suggestions of the mind that you listed in your post Vidar: “Im far behind in development than my peers, its all bad”. Are you really? This thing is deceiving you. They crept up in my life at different stages until my observations enabled me to detect the complexity of this issue. I was a top student in my group at university and got a into a job with a relatively high salary. But a number of health issues and character issues forced me to leave the job. I did some reading and noticed that these crises can hit even high achievers. Would you believe it that one of the astronauts that walked on the moon, sharpest mind, cool under pressure, later on found it hard to adapt to life on the earth? Then he was forced to sell second hand vehicles until he kept fighting his fight and ultimately recovered from his afflictions. Do you believe this? What about a guy that dropped out of a red brick university, to become a technology billionaire? He didnt “fail”, but just realized that he had such a great business plan that getting this degree was a mediocre diversion. Or the fighter that didn’t have money to pay for his school even, was forced to do different jobs to support his family? Then there were laws that precluded him from working in certain jobs. He taught himself and became one of the greatest in his field! Turns out success isn’t a template, huh? Pay attention to the fact that to some, difficulties of character, mental state are excuses . To others, various difficulties are the drivers and triggers of their success. Henry Ford: “oncoming wind only helps the plane to climb” One final story for you that touched me personally. French embassy in Moscow, USSR required a native doctor. They commissioned a doctor who hated the job in Moscow. If you’d see Moscow in the 80s, it was very gray, extremely cold winters and the people were very different to the French folk. He spoke to his Russian counterpart and insisted he wanted to return to France so that he could be a “cog” of its society. The Russian said “This isn’t all tha life is about. Do you really want to be a “cog” that can only function in a set of certain conditions? Can you exist and do good in adversity? In difficult and unfamiliar conditions?” This frenchman had inner freedom. Why? Because he was actively listening and attempting to understand what the Russian was saying. There are higher level freedoms than that, but of that later. Suffice to say, some people are incapable of having inner freedom, of looking at a situation from a different angle.

DaBest In my first full time job I was falling behind and getting nervous and initially I thought its because I lack strength, endurance etc. However I observed colleagues who were given just as much work and they reacted to criticism coming from management. They were emotionally naming reasons why they were falling behind (like buggy CRM software that forced you to repeat certain operations because they weren’t saved, not enough time, not enough instruction). This emotional release made them more resistant to stress, managers understood them and were with them on what is going on. Me being quiet made me feel like some guilty person who is “at fault” for not hitting targets. It was bizzare. Setting expectations straight and being concise and clear on obstacles etc can get managers to listen to you and actually help.

You’ve inspired me tonight. I wasnt falling asleep for some reason and my first emotions to discomfort were: you need a fix (yes, the addiction fix). Am staying away from that by examining this feeling and understanding the reason. I guess under discomfort, the organism is looking for the quickest way out. Haven’t played for 6 years and haven’t watched game streams for like 2-3 months. i will turn away from the trap by engaging myself in something new: collecting a puzzle. Will report in soon.

This is great motivation. My 2 cents on the NF : walking a lot (cardio exercise in general) combined with removing fat pastries from the diet and cutting down on meat work amazingly well. I learned this when I fasted- fasting also remarkably puts these cravings in check. Add to that guarding your gaze and you have the best self control.

What Alexanderle is talking about is like a pre-emptive strike. When you enter an oasis of temporary ease, you may want to slack a bit. At this exact momemt you have to attack the addiction that withdrew for a moment. You attack it by doing the right things, for your physical fitness, family relationships , work related. This is true initiative compare this to a failing addict who starts attempting something wheb things go bad, but when things go good, goes into the default lazy mood.

You are Still brave to quit gaming and seek forgiveness from God. Keep connections with close ones who are eager to help. One important thing is the dynamic effect of actions. Choosing Not to return to the bad things again and again will stabilize mental state. Couple that with a great activity like boxing. Before yesterday I was standing in front of a punching bag at night, all the other students had finished and went into the changing rooms. I remembered all the training from my teens. I ranged the punches to hit the bag perfectly and quickly, tracked the swinging bag and danced lightly on my feet. Suddenly I was there on the ring again, fighting an opponent, the shots started landing with more power, breath was good and tiredness gone. This state was setting in, something great was happening. If you have a horse stable somewhere in the locality, run there and get your first lesson. We tend to be too much in the clutches of what the society deems “right” .

No it hasn’t destroyed your life. Dont say it like that. You have woken up to a pressing problem which is great news for you. Now its a methodical approach to recovery. Overcoming addiction will make you a great achiever who can confront difficult situations.

I am currently reading a book on the psychology of stress by a venerated researcher Leonid Kitaev-Smyk and discovered a very interesting article on the functioning of Male DNA when under stress. He looked at the “burnout” of professionals at work and differentiated this from the “stress of life” as he terms it. Now there happens to exist sexual male stress and he has rigorously demonstrated it. What is it? It is the act of observing a woman and seeing “secondary signals” (all that creates arousal) . This causes androgens to be injected into the blood, but in minor to medium amounts. Androgens are carcenogenic in these amounts and gradually lead to cancer of the prostate. They are only healthy in the large dose, but this only happens if initial arousal is followed by coitus. So it turns out that where women dress openly, male health and fertility deteriorates very fast. Now consider the fashion to picture young women in revealing clothing in press, television, banners. Its all around you. The only solution is to guard your gaze really, because it will protect you from that phantom pain that is received despite you not feeling it consciously. This is one of the harmful stressors that is not perceived.

Hello there, Let me share an interesting perspective that can clear up the fog of “I’ve made mistakes, who would even hire me” I lost my my first amateur boxing match. The disappointment was awful, but the coach walked up to me and said: in one defeat you gain more experience than in 10 victories. This advice has one proviso (you must be constantly pushing yourself to do better and gaining confidence by sharing with people who love you) I have an inverse situation to you. I learned the trick of memorising study material early on at school and it helped me through the university. I scored merit for my Master’s degree. Now mark this point, a person can have good grades but be unreliable at work. I was forced to leave two jobs before I realized its not just studies that determine success, developed character is crucial. There are A students that prove to be unreliable. There are C students that are well rounded to turn a business around. Not saying this from hearsay, but from direct experience.

Hi BgK Welcome to this forum that is a great place for inspiration for change. One thing that I noticed from reading a number of books is the distortion of perceptions. A person who has not had certain experiences for a long time, feels lost how to handle situations. In other words things that you have been estranged from by being absent look daunting and hard. But if you just go step by step and track your progress in a journal you will: -detect problem areas and solutions. -have less worry about setbacks and understand they are a natural path towards success -see what healthy activities give you a sense of achievement and great mood (for me its a good boxing match). Fighting an addiction is much easier if you track progress, build daily/weekly plans, review them and try new sound things, develop new habits.

Do you mean technical production work or as a singer?

Hi Joeyk, is your husband working or studying? Take a genuine interest in his matters. See how open and willing he is to share. From what I have seen, by discussing these issues and listening to him, you will earn his trust. As he trusts you more and discusses issues, he will notice that he is of particular value to you. All gamers are blind/reject the addiction problem. But this kind of genuine interest shown to him without any insinuation of judging that the person is a loser etc. will help a person discover his problem. in my case, neither of my parents helped me to discover the magnitude of the gaming problem Because they used a patronizing/critical tone. Strangely, my english peers with whom I shared a flat during the academic career did. How? I was very fond of new connections (especially foreigners) and naturally I try to impress these people. The gaming impacted my social skills and the friends would find some things amusing/funny without being abusive. They never really encroached on my Ego and at some point I didnt give two shits about it. “I have to be more like these guys, these games aren’t anything great to live with!” Was my inner feeling. to add, if you really discover improvements and develop your skills, the husband may get the same kind of “woah, its embarassing to be so primitive around this uniquely interesting person” effect. hope my post can be of help to you.

Are you into any sports? Boxing stabilizes mental state amazingly well —provided— you are in a group where the coach is pushing you to do better. i have been boxing (even sparring) and ability to go through this conditioning helped me to handle other things too. Boxing also makes you an actual fighter-achiever and kills off the need to “pretend” one PS : I craved five years after stopping. I think that is because i was withdrawing a lot and daydreaming. Switch things around from time to time to stimulate your consciousness. Monotonous things and loneliness are two threats for a gamer in my humble opinion. I make a conscious attempt to speak to my people now and take interest in their affairs rather than just saying “Hello”

Great targets set masquerade, Do you have a job/profession aside from playing music? Germans are known to excel in sciences, especially medical professions.

Alexanderle, very well thought out, insightful post. i dropped games long ago (6 years ago), but anxiety and sadness returned from time to time because i could not become financiallt independent of my parents, lacked social skills and felt embarassed of my failures. But the things i do everyday are getting better. Sharing on this forum actually helps a lot. My one trouble area is how to stop myself from wandering off into pointless thoughts (daydreaming). If i target this weakness, i will improve a lot.

Hey Ismail Kanaan, let me ask you: i stopped playing games 6 years ago, but for some years i continued watching youtube streams. For about half a year I have not watched youtube streams at all and quite recently i started to block any memories, thoughts about games (one of my habits was constructing and improving games in my mind). I could spend 1-3 hours thinking about games in this way. I am unemployed and helped by my parents. Im worried that unemployment leaves a lot of time, i try to fill it as best as I can Is it normal that I still get anxious, worried about my health and well-being? Can i still be suffering from the effects 6 years after stopping playing?

Hello, I want to share a similar situation. I stopped playing a long time ago, but I would think about games for many hours (primarily developing games in my mind and even making some writings). I would get into a good mood when thinking about games. Now i stopped thinking about games for a couple of months, dont watch youtube or surf the web. I joined a local boxing class. At times, i feel anxious about my health and managing life situations. I hate conflicts, but they are a part of life and I feel that I was laid off work twice because my managers noticed this lack of skill. Can you explain how to overcome fear or bad memories (of playing games and feeling embarassed) thank you for your work.