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Vidar

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About Vidar

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  1. Great job, congrats, May the none gaming force be with you for another year!
  2. I think I am soon reaching my 90day no-gaming period. This is the longest I have been without gaming since I was a teenager. I feel depressed because no matter how much I try to change myself I keep falling back into my old habits. I dress in a weird way, not my age. I have difficulties keeping myself and my home clean, I behave in a weird way so that people don’t want to be my friends. And I can’t change it! It just feels so hopeless. what’s the point of spending all this money on therapy when I’m not getting any happier. What is the point of living when you are not happy?
  3. I have not written in a while. Work and bathroom renovations + flu drained me of energy. today I went ti see a play in town. Historically watching people perform has triggered intense social phobia. Live acting and performances also trigger my sense of being less worth or not belonging, so I’ve always avoided them. I really liked it and will do it again. I have also signed up for an improvisation acting class, 15 times, once a week. It’s going to be crazy. It’s also in a foreign language so super difficult. i mean, I can’t even open my mouth properly when I sing... I
  4. I did a group therapy program for social phobia which was based on KBT. It was really good for that purpose. Now that I think about it, one of the topics there was how social phobia and anxiety makes us self centered. This makes it harder to focus on the other person, which in turn makes it easy to do mistakes. I will have a look at the book! thanks for the advice @ElectroNugget
  5. I think I will have to not be negative around other people, or complain about things. It’s classic management tactic to see problems and disasters as challenges. It’s cheesy but it’s true, since it spreads positive energy. I think I have not practiced bringing positivity (cake to colleagues, organized parties, positive conversational subjects, compliments) to social settings. I have tried complimenting people more, but it just does not come naturally for me. staying on topic is certainly good and also be concise. When I write emails I try to only write a sentence or two, use bullets.
  6. I talked to my dad about the bathroom and he thought it could use a renovation. i woke up at 13.00 today but did not feel like I had slept an hour for the whole night. I still feel like shit. I reached out to some renovation companies to start the process. Problem is it will probably take like 2-3 months and I’m loosing 1000 eur per month due to living double housing. Not sure what I should do. it won’t ruin me financially but it makes me angry. i have a huge amount of work that needs to be done also. the good thing I will be busy at least, and I will lots of tim
  7. Thanks @BooksandTrees, you are perfectly right. I know I’m not fun to be around. I’m quite pessimistic and negative. People have complained about it my entire life. I’m 35 so that’s a long time.. it feels like a personality trait by now. I don’t know what to do with the stress and anxiety. I will try to get a doctors appointment tomorrow at work to get some pills, because this is not working. I can’t afford to loose more friends. I’m bankrupt on that front.
  8. I’m also planning on some dental work. It’s very expensive though. Not sure if it will be worth it considering wearing retainers for the rest of my life. money issues are such a drag on everything. It just sucks the joy out of things. I hope you find space to save money in the future.
  9. As a student, doing those volunteer jobs as a habit is a fantastic way to network and build a social life. I did it sporadically but if you do it consistently you will learn lots of life skills!
  10. Thanks for the comment @ElectroNugget! I think if a person feels toxic it is ok to silently block them. Of course it is better to tell the person, but if you don’t feel like being friends anymore it is ok. I did this with a friend of my own after repeated arguments by advice from my therapist. The problem I think is that I’m being too honest, dumping my problems on them. I wear out friendships quickly. You are right about the self compassion, I’m slowly getting better at it. I stabilized a bit yesterday evening. Friday, Saturday I was up at 9/10 in anxiety. Just chaos. Now I’m
  11. Still in panic mode 12h later. I just hate myself for fucking things up so much. My insane lack of social skills and my financial fuckups. I just want to feel safe. need to go out and buy a laundry machine. New apartment does not have one. if I don’t use the shower in the new apartment I can live there safely. I will smell a bit but that’s ok I guess.
  12. I’m going through a crisis. For some time now I have noticed that several friends and relatives have been slow to respond to text messages and such. Now I realized they have blocked me. I looked through social media and text message logs. It’s just my messages there and I can’t see their posts on Instagram. Feels really shitty that I can’t maintain relationships or behave since I only have 1 friend left now outside my family and colleagues. I know the reasons also. I’ve not maintained boundaries with them, you know the appropriate social codes. Of course I creep them out. i also
  13. I survived the holidays! Now i need more vacation... I have spent time with all my friends and family. It was a great time. I also spent a lot of time with the children of my sisters and my friends. I’m like the cool uncle with the cool gadgets. I like this role ? I chatted with a woman on and off over the weekend. tomorrow I will be off, just washing my clothes and preparing for the move.
  14. Gratitude journal i am grateful for my familj and friends of my familj for organizing Christian partiets. i am grateful for the compliment i got from a younger attractive woman for my sweater. i am grateful for the reply I got from my tinder dates whisking merry Christmas. I am grateful for a Christmas greeting I got from a crappy friend I ditched some time ago. One amazing thing that happened/I did today i got a compliment for my sweater from this friend of the family. She is about 6 years younger and I’ve always had a crush on her. Workout/run
  15. I think the word “excuses” is very important here, as it’s a way to escape responsibility. I blame my parents for a lot of things. Though I think I have the right to be angry at them for not raising me well and taking care of their own issues, it’s not their job to fix me as an adult. If you read the above post about Christmas, it’s clear that while they avoided putting expectations and trust as well as wanted me to be an capable adult, I equally avoided to take on those responsibilities on my own. I have done an enormous amount of harm to myself and I keep doing it. I think the only way