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Jordan2020

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About Jordan2020

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  • Birthday 03/07/2001

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  1. Today is my 6th day of my detox and I am feeling a little better. See today the idea of my dream of what I want in life keeps playing through my head. See I want the life that only 1% of the population in the world gets to experience. I want the big houses, Lamborghinis, millions of dollars, a business that I actually enjoy in a niche that I enjoy. I don't know how to obtain this. I keep watching videos and taking courses that say you could make millions but a couple do work whereas a bunch of others are scams. It is just getting the ones that do work to work for me. I don't understand what to do in them. They are very complicated. The other way that they say to make it work is to get environmental exposure. Kinda what this means is you show me your friends I'll show you your future. So you hang around rich people and learn from them you will become rich. The problem is that I don't have thousands of dollars lying around to go get one on one coaching with the dude of the program I am taking so he can understand what I am having troubles with and help me make the goal of millions in the course.
  2. Well guys I have been really busy this weekend but I am proudly able to announce that I am on day 5 of my detox. I was always having issues getting past day 3 but I finally was able to break the barrier and keep going. The only problem that I see now is not relapsing but it is going to be hard considering that I spend a lot of time in my room watching Netflix or browsing the internet or youtube because I have nothing else to do on the weekends or after school most of the time. Also I don't have any friends to hang out with so what I do is just sit at home by myself after school and try to entertain myself. It is just coming up with activities to fill each void is the issue. Filling the social, mental, and escapism activities I am having huge issues with. So if there is anything that you guys can reccomend that'll help me improve each of those areas and start doing more outside of coming home after school and sitting in my room doing nothing for the rest of the day. I am constantly at home and I am pale as can be because of that and I don't have friends but the problem is finding enough things to do so that I am never home really and I am constantly out doing stuff.
  3. Day 3: Well guys today is day 3 which is the day that for some reason it has been very hard for me to get past. Each time I hit day 3 I relapse which kinda sucks but today I feel like I am going to do it. I am going to do it today and wake up tomorrow and proudly say it is day 4. Today I have a lot on my plate. I have to figure out some routines for my exercise plan. I have to figure out some vacation stuff for spring break in a couple months. I have to catch up on school work that I missed for skipping school yesterday which was very stupid but other than the plate full I feel fully confident and I am ready to dominate this day and excuse my language but make this day my bitch! Let's go!
  4. Hey guys well I did it. Today is officially the end of my second day of my detox. Today was very rough and not fun though. Last night I started to get cravings so I thought to myself why not just skip school and play and also there was going to be a major event week on the game today but I looked on youtube this morning and the event week wasn't as good as I thought it would be on the game and I felt horrible that I just skipped school to play a game because of my cravings and I knew about the event week but at the end after finding out what the event was I was no longer interested so I just skipped school for my Dad to come home and yell at me along with I didn't end up gaming like I planned. My Dad got home and started questioning me and also Ii realized over the night my dog whose leg has been broken was starting to get rashes around the cast and my Dad was talking about that and I knew I was missing school and falling behind on homework, I was thinking about the way I have been acting here lately and acting up but I wanted to do all these fun activities that my Dad would pay for and I am sitting there doing this to him and that made me feel guilty and like I don't deserve these activities, but you guys get the point my head was spinning and I felt like I had just hit rock bottom with everything. But I took my dog to the vet and fixed that issue got back home and contacted my caseworker and he came out and we talked a bit. That made me feel a whole lot better. I went home and created a list I needed to do to get myself back on track. I tackled that list and now I am feeling really good again. Now my head is back on right and I am ready to go again and tackle school tomorrow and anything else in my way. I am going to watch an episode of my favorite tv show and then I am going to do my devotions and take my dog out and then me and my dog are going to go to bed. I'm going to have an amazing rest of my night considering the day begin in chaos. I will talk to you guys tomorrow morning and thank you for the support you guys give me. It really means a lot to me and to my family. You guys helping me allows me to do good to help my family in the process along with myself and my improvement.
  5. Day 1: Today is my first day again and I know I will succeed this time. I said last time that I hope and now I changed that to I will. Today will be an amazing first day. I am going to work hard and knock it out of the ball park in my classes today at school and be full out productive. Then I am going to finish up my college stuff so I am all ready for college. I seen that girl just an hr ago in the halls here at school and that made me feel nervous and anxious and down again but I am trying to not let it get to me today. I want today to be the best and happiest day of the past few months. I also last night decided to let God back into my life. I still have mixed feelings about it but I am trying to work through it. I was mad at God for that girl rejecting me even after she said she loved me which didn't make sense to me. I have always felt anything good that I get gets taken away eventually and I blame God for that happening but this time I am not blaming him and I am blaming the true person to blame which is Satan. Other than that stuff the only thing still bothering me which I think is going to consist of more mindset changes. But the things that are still bothering me is I still have the mindset of wanting everything to be perfect. Like wake up perfectly and go to sleep perfectly and doing things during the day perfectly. I also have so many things that I want to do that it overwhelms me. I just know that over time with small improvements and mindset shifts that, that will change.
  6. Good luck man I hope you rock this world with your energy and productivity!
  7. Well guys I have bad news again for like the 100th time and it is really getting on my nerves. Yesterday night I got really depressed because I started thinking to myself that I am nothing but an ugly guy who can't get a girlfriend and if I wasn't ugly I'd have a girlfriend along with tons of friends instead of none but I went home last night after school and the depression hit me again like it always does after school. See I go to school and I think today will be the day that things change and I get that girl of my dreams or those friendships or the looks and fitness levels I want to be at. The healthy, outgoing, energetic person but then I look everywhere around me including myself and I realize they are unattainable or I am still not getting them. So that lowers my happiness and energy right in the middle of school then I come home depressed and I say to myself well I am ugly and don't have friends or I can't achieve the vision I have of myself and that it is unrealistic so I relapse and play video games again and kinda give up on life again and it is just a vicious cycle. This is the 3rd time I have relapsed in the past 2 weeks but I am going to try again tomorrow fresh again and see what happens. I just want things to be different this time and that I will try to apply the advice you guys have given me and thank you for your support. It probably frustrates you guys seeing me say that I keep relapsing maybe after 2 or 3 days in each time.
  8. 3rd day: Well like I said I relapsed the other day so today is my 3rd day again. I would be so proud of myself if I would succeed this time but I need to get the things to go to if I am feeling a certain way like @Amphibian220 said to do. The problem is I don't really have a need for 2 of those but it would be good to have them. The main one of why I relapse I would say is a sense of low self-esteem and then I go to gaming because that is where I am accepted and people ask me for advice all the time because that is where my skills are at in life. I don't really have any friends. I mean I am letting things get to me such as the fact of not having friends to hang out with after school or a girlfriend that I really want. I also am ruining my relationship with my adoptive father. He wants me to be a Christian but I don't think that is what I really want right now. It is an interesting concept but I don't really believe in God. I don't think I am ready to commit or look into that matter as of right now in my life. I need to let things happen as they go but my Dad is forcing me to go to church and is threatening that he will take away items from me such as unplugging the internet or getting rid of it if I don't go and he like trying to force me to be Christian and that is forcing more resistance in me to even wanting to look into the faith. It also puts strains on our relationship. I mean yesterday I did not go to Church and he unplugged the internet and took my car keys and says if I am not going to go to church and be saved then he will create hell on earth for me. He doesn't give me a choice. It really frustrates me and pushes me further away. As of the low self-esteem and no friendships, or girlfriend. I really want my socializing need to increase. Right now I think that is the biggest cause of my relapses. So if anyone can help me figure out my social world that would be great. I don't have really anything social as of right now.
  9. Day 1: Today is my first day again because I relapsed again. I'm getting so tired of relapsing. I have been in this program for over a year and I still keep relapsing after a few days to a couple weeks. I think I have finally found out the cause of my relapses. It's me being depressed and tired all the time so I justify gaming that way because if I am too tired to work on anything productive and depressed and thinking I am worthless and I don't want to do things in life because of my depression and not being able to have specific things or relationships. The other reason for my relapses is when I am not gaming I am able to catch up on school work and college and overall everything I need to get caught up on in general so I think well there is no more work for now so I can sit down and relax and play video games which is fine in the beginning but then I give into it too much and it becomes a vicious cycle all over again and I crave them like crazy on the days I can't play and I need to work. Also when I do quit and get caught up on work and then when I have free time I really have nothing to do so I either watch movies or mindlessly browse youtube which is still not good like gaming. I don't really have friends and I live in a small town and there is not very many opportunities for much to do anything. I don't really know what to do in my free time so I relapse then too.
  10. Day 3: Well yesterday I was very busy and I did not write. Anyways today is my 3rd day of my 90 day no gaming detox and I am having very bad cravings and thank God I went back to school today or I would be playing right now. Today I am going to go shooting guns at a target range tonight with my Principal from school. I am getting very bad headaches, my focus is super off, I am very fatigued. I just hope in a couple weeks that this weird feeling will go away from the detox. I want to do big things this last half of my high school year. Last semester I let a girl that I really liked pull me down and make me feel even worse than I already did with all the trauma I went through growing up and I didn't need it. I don't know why it is such a big issue to me but my biggest priority for some odd reason is that I really want a girlfriend. It seems like I can't get one no matter how hard I try and it makes me feel worse mentally in all the different ways mentally. It's almost like my mood depends on whether or not I am in a relationship and I hate it. So I want to get a girlfriend one way or another this semester. But today is the start of my last half of my high school career and I want to make it the best ever and I need to improve my mental state to do this. If anyone has any tips for how to help me to achieve that your comments would be much appreciated. Peace!
  11. Day 1: Well the other day I started my first daily journal and that same night on the first day of my detox I decided to give into the cravings and I decided I was going to try to game in moderation without having to do the 90 day detox. It was a disaster and every single time I decided to play I cannot play without feeling guilty that I could be doing great things in real life with real people, including my dog whose leg is broken right now and she needs me a lot and I am still just sitting in front of the tv. I know that I have relapsed like 6 times in this program and it is very difficult for me to stop relapsing because I start justifying it is fun and I can learn to play in moderation which then I do and like I said I start to feel guilty. The funny thing is last night my Dad caught me up at 2am playing GTA online and I he told me that he better not have issues with me the next morning which is today. It's funny that he caught me up doing that and today is officially my first day starting the 90 day detox for the 6th time. I really wish to succeed this time. I really need this to work so that my energy, mood, and focus will increase along with my productivity to get shit done in life and be that person I think of being every single day of my life. Today I am going to town to go shopping for some new clothes with some friends and then we are going out to eat so I will not be at home to even try to give in. Also I have already started my day of pretty alright besides just now waking up at 1pm. I am doing my daily journal right now and then I am going to do prayers, then do my chores, work on my priority and goal list that I created, then I will go and do the shopping stuff for like 4hrs, then I will come back home settle in and shower, wash my face, brush my teeth, maybe watch 30min of Youtube or something to give myself a little reward each night and then other nights watch an episode of Netflix or a movie. Also when I do watch youtube have an idea of what I am going to watch so I am not mindlessly browsing. Then after the 30min, I will do my devotions, and then I will read the book I am currently reading which is called drive and it is about what motivates us and how to motivate myself. Then I will take my dog out, and go to bed at 10pm and then wake up at 5:30am. Wish me luck on today!
  12. My dad will tell me to do something and I am so tired or some weird feeling in my head that I am confused as to what he just told me. Like he could tell me to put the dishes away and I would just sit there and be like what did you just tell me to do. I feel like a non motivated zombie all the time that cant seem to have convos with anyone without struggling which makes me nervous around people and why i dont like to doing many things. I would kill to get rid of this zombie and tired all the time and not focused. The only way I have found to get rid of it is by sleeping like 12 hours and then waking up and it wont be there for like 30min but then it comes back again and it sucks. Anyone know what it is or if it was created from me gaming so much I would very much like to get rid of it. If you can answer this question too @Cam Adair it would be much appreciated again and thank you for such an amazing community that is there for me always.
  13. How can you tell the difference between an addict with a craving or a person just plainly wanting to get on and play?
  14. Ok. I'll have a look at the content and make my decision from there. Thanks for a reply!
  15. What is really the point of doing the 90 days of no gaming. Like I don’t really want to do it if there really is no major physical and mental changes that happen throughout that time. What is the idea of doing it. Like what is it supposed to help me do besides just quitting gaming and giving me more time to do other things. I also keep thinking I have an addiction but how do I know if it is truly a problem. I would really like to know more about this if you can @Cam Adair I would like you to answer this question of mine. Or anyone else can give me an idea of what they think.
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