ElectroNugget

Vidar, that sounds really tough with everyone blocking you! It's just awful that a lot of people would cut you off without saying anything! You say you've broken boundaries with them, I'm not sure entirely what this means, but at least you are aware of your own behavior. That is the first step. Is there no way to reach out to these people and explain/apologize for whatever you believe caused this? That said, without more information it's hard for me to tell if it's a problem with your behavior or a problem with your family and friends. Try not to beat yourself up too much about this, as it will only worsen the situation. You need to keep trying to love yourself regardless, and keep trying to improve. Maybe if you are honest with your family about your flaws and your struggles right now, that will help them see why you've 'behaved strangely'. Anyways, best of luck! Keep on trying. Sometimes life can really fall apart, but surviving these moments will transform you and make you stronger.

Agreed with @BooksandTrees... I have a hard time with it too. All my close friends from my past are nerds who play a lot of videogames and watch a lot of movies/TV/consume a lot of media. Some of them are able to do it responsibly. Some are not. Even at my IT university now, most of the guys I talk to game on some level, and may have one or two games they are fairly serious about (a competitive shooter for example). They all express disbelief at my claims it's dangerous for me and that I literally cannot play AT ALL. But it's not unlike alcoholism. There's loads of people who drink in moderation. But some people are alcoholics. That said, if a 'normal' drinker expresses disbelief to an alcoholic ''Aww why not just one drink at the pub on Friday?", THEY'RE the jackass, not the alcoholic. The lack of respect for your problem is on them, not you. Don't let them weaken your resolve. At the end of the day, you know what's best for yourself.

I gotta try that method to get up. I'm like, an S-Tier sleeper when it comes to sleeping in, and it really messes with my rhythm over long periods if I don't have a job or some other obligation forcing me to get up at a certain hour. Thanks for the tip!

Haha, this is so true man. It's really hard to go sometimes but it's always worth it. Unless you're sick as a dog or something you can pretty much be guaranteed you'll come out of the gym feeling better. Funny how our brains try to convince us otherwise...

DAY 09-10: Hey everyone. I know I skipped a day, I'm going to try and avoid doing that as much as possible, but I sort of just crashed hard in the past two days and have been sleeping a lot and not getting up to much. It's not ideal, but after the rush of my first big exam I felt extremely tired and decided to just take a break. In the past two days I largely spent my time sleeping and lazing about, before I went and spent some time with some friends of mine from Aarhus, who were in town for business. We met at the local board game cafe called 'Bastard Cafe'. It's a really awesome place which I have been to a handful of times in the past. It's the biggest board game cafe in Copenhagen, with a really great atmosphere and loads of people every day turning up to play board games. While I was there, one of my friends mentioned I should apply to be a guru there (he knows the owner), which is basically a volunteer job where you take one shift a week in the evenings, where your role is to answer any questions cafe guests have about the games there, and to teach them how to play if necessary. This sounded like a lot of fun to me. While there are a lot of people at ITU, I've been feeling rather lonely during my semester here. I don't have any friends in Copenhagen, and the other students in my course are all as stressed as I am. ITU is a great place, but it gets tiring quickly when my whole life revolves around it, and the only people I interact with are from there... I kind of need to start creating a life outside of just my studies. So I think I might apply for this position. There's the potential to meet a lot of people this way, and I think board gaming is a healthy hobby to have, that way I can still address the nerd in me that likes to play games and be social without all the negative side-effects that comes with addictive video gaming. If I get the job, in essence my 'gaming' time would effectively be one four-hour shift a week. In other news, now that I'm paying more attention, I have begun to notice just how much time I spend on YouTube and Netflix. It's still less than I used to spend on video games, but it nonetheless takes up a massive chunk of my time every day, and often keeps me up late at night. So I think I need to do an experiment (maybe next week, after my programming exam) where I cut them both off completely for a couple of days, and see what happens. It would be nice to reclaim that time for studying or another new hobby. Overall I think that's really the key here, which I alluded to in my first post... I don't have new hobbies to fill up the time that I once spent on video games. So even though now I have more time, I find myself wasting a lot of it by just increasing my media consumption. The big part of this detox (and, I think, 2020) will be changing that, so I can finally grow into the man I want to be.

DAY 08: Short post today, had the exam, it actually went surprisingly well. 🙂 I think I might have a good shot at passing on my first attempt. Feels good that the hard work paid off, and if I have to resit I think there are only a few things I need to revisit. The next two exams aren't nearly as scary, so I feel like I've made it somewhat though the worst of this semester now. Feels amazing and I'm really grateful for the support here and game quitters in general, giving me the chance to change my life and make this happen. There's no way I could have had this result if I hadn't finally had the courage to remove my gaming PC from my life this year. It's very late here now, so I'm gonna try sleep. More tomorrow.

@DaBest Thanks for the recommendation! I just installed it, eager to see how it affects my Youtube habit. @WhatAboutToday? You're probably right! I'm hoping to go into UI/UX design, which probably won't involve that much maths. But I should still do my best to learn it now I guess. I want to try and see it as a good challenge than something that I can't do. @BooksandTrees Thanks for the response and kind words! I think Youtube is actually the next big hurdle I need to quit. So I appreciate the feedback. DAY 07: Yay one week! Today was very slow. I deliberately decided not to study or cram anymore, and just focus on relaxing, getting all other parts of my life in order, and saving up some mental energy for tomorrow. I got a bunch of chores done, tidied the apartment, refilled the fridge, cooked some really good food and meditated several times. I feel very calm about the exam. I've spoken to a few of my classmates who feel they are in a similar position to me. One reminded me that I've never done a university level academic exam like this before, that also told me it's OK if things don't go the absolute best in my first semester. I need to take it in my stride and grow. That said, I feel confident I've at least covered the entire curriculum now, so I'll do the best I can. Nonetheless, even though staying away from games has been much easier this time, I think I haven't put as many hours into studying as I had hoped to this week. What I've noticed is that I'm now somewhat used to staying away from videogames - I'd even say I find it easy now. But in place of gaming I have found other bad habits to kill the time with. Youtube and Netflix are a big problem. I've watched loads of game casts, and a lot of random stuff over the past few days, rather than meditating more, going for walks or maybe even taking the time to go downtown and I dunno, meet people at a bar or a boardgame club or something. So, I think this detox will actually be more about getting rid of those peripheral habits that I had that surrounded gaming, namely: wasting time on Youtube and the internet and the whole nerd culture that comes with it. Starting sometime soon I want to make a plan to tackle all that stuff and start implementing some new habits that will be more productive. At the moment, I mainly need to focus on my studies, but these new habits must come next. I feel good about the realization and look forward to what I can do once I've directed this time elsewhere. So, not a bad day overall!

Love the idea of a no sugar challenge! I need to try that. 😄 Keep it up dude! As for posting daily, if you don't have time for a long post, just check in and write one sentence! Good way to keep the habit up. 🙂

Hitting a week is a big milestone dude, you can be proud of yourself! You mentioned you were sad nobody called you out when you were gone for 3 days, it's not uncommon for some people to disappear for a few days on the forums, don't take it personally. I had some rather large gaps in my journal from my first detox. But you said you didn't post because you didn't even turn on your PC for three days! That's awesome! Focus on your own achievement there. 🙂 Keep it up, I can promise the journey is worth it.

Damn dude, sick NoFap streak you've got going there. That's something I've been battling with for a long time. If you have days where filling out a longer entry seems like too much work, maybe you should have a short-form kind of post you can do instead. Something that takes just 5 minutes or whatever, just to keep the habit up. I've taken to that approach for many of my habits lately... Even if I don't get the full thing done, just make sure I do some aspect of it every day to keep the habit going.

DAY 06: Slow start to the day today, and nearly let the procrastination monkey win again. But I got started and stuck with it and managed to study maths for another 6hrs. I'd like to be hitting 8hrs each day ideally, but I'm just glad I got something done instead of nothing. To be honest, I'm not certain about my odds at the exam, but at least I've covered the whole curriculum, and I will be allowed to resit at a later date if I fail this one. I'm hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. Honestly, if I fail the exam first time that's OK, I just need to take it as a lesson going into the next semester. I thought a lot about my slump yesterday and how I was uncertain about things, beating up on myself etc. There's just no point to it. Yeah so, I don't love every aspect of computer science. I didn't like every aspect of being an artist either. There's parts of every job that suck, maths is just the part of computer science that sucks for me. That said, I find many other aspects of computer science interesting and fun, so I just need to suck it up and learn this shit. It will pay off when it makes me better at the other subjects that I enjoy. There's also no point in coming down on myself about screwing this course up this semester. I did well on the other two, and this is my first time in academia. I'm only human, and I make mistakes. I could have flunked all the courses, or dropped out, but I didn't. All I can do now is control my present and future behavior to correct this mistake, and try to make sure it doesn't happen again. So yeah, good day overall. Still no games! But I am wasting some time on Youtube watching videos... Including casted games. Going to have to figure something out about that.

I know this is a very specific feedback, but I bought a water canteen just for this purpose and take it everywhere. Suddenly it's very easy to drink enough water every day. I try to empty it once a day, twice if possible.

Hey man, welcome to the forums! Those steam numbers can be very sobering. They also played a part for me when I decided to quit. As for DnD, I think it's allowed. You can't put 150hrs a week into it unless you have a whole room of addicts with you, and as you said it's a social and imaginative experience too. It's a hobby that's much easier to play healthily than solo gaming. Good luck with your detox! Keep us posted.

Sounds like a big achievement and a good challenge to come! You can do it. You can be proud of yourself for this. I imagine it takes a lot to climb out of poverty. I hope things continue onwards and upwards!

Hey man, welcome to the forums! And you're nearly at a week milestone already? Great work!

DAY 05: I managed to get back on the horse again today and got 6 hours of studying done. I gotta be honest, I'm really not feeling the maths. So much so that it makes me second-guess my chances at ITU. Computer Science is a lot about crunching numbers, and I'm really not a big fan. I find the theory interesting from a long distance, but without much practical application I really don't enjoy regurgitating formulas some maths boffin much smarter than me came up with in the 1800's. It's weird because I've really enjoyed programming so far, especially for front-end applications, web design etc. I like making user interfaces as it crosses over with my former art skills... But yeah. I don't know. Maybe this isn't the right career choice either. It's hard to know. After I poured 8 years into trying to make art work, failing and becoming extremely depressed, I definitely have a fear that I won't make it in this field either. I can't imagine entering my 30's, going into the tech job market and finding it shit as well. I don't know what I will do with myself if that comes to pass. I just don't know how I'm supposed to find the field I excel in otherwise, every job these days requires a big degree and lots of experience. I haven't been allowed (or perhaps I haven't tried) to experiment much. I wonder if I had decided to go into management for example, maybe I would have been much happier. Anyways, just some classic self-doubt as always. But at least I managed to work again today.

Thanks for the feedback as always guys. @WhatAboutToday?, as strange as it may sound, it's nice to hear I'm not the only one who struggles with uni. ? I also got some stories out of my dad the other day that I wasn't expecting. I guess not everyone is a perfect student, we just imagine that others are doing better than us. @Icandothis, thanks so much! It's nice to hear that my journey had some value to you. ? Day 04: So this is an overdue entry as I should have written it last night, but I don't want to skip entries and end up disappearing for days again, then I might just fall off and stop posting. So if I miss a day I'm going to have to catch up on entries when I come back. Sadly I let the procrastination monkey win again, and sorta 'acted out' all day, doing other chores and activities and telling myself I would start studying 'soon', next thing it was late at night, and then it was 'too late to start', so I ended up watching a movie with a friend, and then stayed up until 6AM browsing reddit of all things! What the hell! Hahah, this was a complete self-destructive day. There was no sense to it. It's really incredible, I feel like I was possessed or something. I'm not really sure where these bouts of poor behavior are coming from. What am I afraid of? What discomfort am I avoiding? I kinda wish I had my therapist around so I could discuss it with her. I can't rationalize this behaviour at all and it's undeniably bad for me. I lost a whole day of studying for nothing, and ended up more uncomfortable today. I risked flunking maths. For what? So I could sit around and do chores? Nothing was stopping me from studying, but some obstinate part of myself kept saying "Aaah, later". I'm really determined to try and beat this sort of procrastination habit this year. I think it's the big demon between me and any kind of sensible level of productivity, which also means it's between me and having a somewhat happy life (as productivity is what modern society values most). But if last night was anything to go by, this fight has just begun. I'll post again this evening once day 5 is done.

Welcome back man and good luck with your new attempt. Try not to focus on how many times you've 'relapsed' and focus on getting back up each time. This is an addiction. It can be extremely difficult to quit. Don't make it any harder by beating up on yourself. That said, if you still have electronics around that can play games, get rid of them. I gave away all my consoles, locked up my online accounts (steam, etc.) and eventually even had to downgrade my PC to a crappy laptop that I could only work on. It was the only way to ensure I wasn't tempted, and in my experience it makes the detox much, much easier to do.

Welcome back man. You can do this! I hope the counseling works out for you. Keep us posted here too. ?

Congrats on the milestone dude! This is a tough journey, but I can tell you as someone who's going to hit 30 this year, I wish I had done it at your age. Keep it up. The achievements games offer you are all false. I like to remind myself that even the hardest games are still designed to be beaten. Some challenges in life are much, much harder than that, or even impossible. But the rewards are far greater. Only in the real world will you build something meaningful. Loneliness is a tough emotion to tackle. Are you very extroverted? Did you normally get all your socializing through games? If so, you'll need to make a new hobby where you can meet people and socialize as a part of that hobby.

DAY 03: Well, today wasn't perfect but oh boy was it an improvement! After reading all your feedback I was really inspired. @Natalie, that blog you linked especially had an amazing breakdown on how procrastination works, why we do it and how it can ruin everything. I found it extremely helpful! I think next time I'm putting something off I need to re-read it to remind myself. So, I slept in today, much later than I'd have liked. But, when I did finally get up, I wrote down a list of all my tasks, got the basic stuff out of the way and after reading all your comments I got down to work. As of right now I put in 7 hours total studying today and I feel like I made a lot of progress. The reality is that I should have started this much sooner, but I kept telling myself (and others) I was 'bad at maths' this whole semester, and put off my maths studies and homework almost every week, just coasting along by doing the bare minimum. I literally lived out the story that I was telling myself! It's insane, because now that I'm studying properly I am starting to enjoy it, and it's nowhere near as intimidating or arcane as I imagined it to be. If only I had started sooner! I may have been able to actually do rather well at this subject. It's not entirely to waste, as a lot of the time I didn't spend on maths I spent on learning a lot of extra programming... But still, it would have been nice to be in a place where I didn't have to worry much now before exams. All that said, lately I've tried to live by the mantra: "The past is over, all you can do is try your best to improve yourself every day." Even if it turns out I flunk this exam, I just have to do the absolute best I can right now with the time I have available. Everything else is out of my hands. It's really nice to feel this productive and to be able to enjoy your evening without feeling guilty! I think I could get used to this. Tomorrow, more studies.

Duuude it's so awesome to see people with these huge numbers on their diaries, really inspiring. ? Keep it up! Know you're inspiring people.

Hey, I've been reading up the last few pages and there's a few areas I wanted to comment, so this will be an unstructured list of feedback. With regards to dealing with anxiety before sleep, I'm going to recommend meditation like the others here. I am generally a very anxious person. If I don't exercise every day, I become restless and antsy. Besides that, even if I do exercise, I still struggle to calm my mind after I turn the lights off before bed. In fact, I think historically I have conditioned myself to fall asleep to series, internet or games. I used to play or watch something until I literally couldn't keep my eyes open anymore, and then fall into bed - rather than going to sleep at a reasonable hour. This has led to the nasty side-effect now that I quite literally find my mind racing if I just lie down in a dark room and try to sleep. It's easier to fall asleep with an iPad on the bedside and a series playing... but this probably is terrible for my sleep quality. I've been meditating for a few years on and off, but only recently have I tried meditation sessions specially focused for sleep, and it's been very successful. I use a service called Headspace, but I'm sure you can find something for free on Youtube to try it out. You mentioned lacking a sense of camaraderie in the forums and wishing for more replies. I can't speak to that so much as I have been absent for a long time, but I'll echo some of the other people here saying that it might help to finish your entries with questions if you're looking for specific feedback. In my past 90-day-detox, I got much more feedback when I did that. But you are true when you say that, nothing can replace people in real life either.

DAY 02: So I was meant to study for discrete maths today but ended up spending most of the day procrastinating in some way or another, with chores and other activities. I've never been so eager to tidy my apartment! I got literally all my other habits and positive activities done today, but I just couldn't bring myself to crack open my maths book. This leads me to realize that perhaps one of my biggest problems is my inability to face some discomfort like this, which leads to procrastination, which leads to gaming/internet/insert-your-time-killing-activity-here. I mean, I've always known this on some level, but I think after years of slow effort to improve my life, my environment, and other aspects of my behavior to make it easier to do the things I'm supposed to do, it's amazing that I can somehow just spend a whole day where I don't get my primary task done. This is a really stark example of my procrastination habit. And I know I'm shooting myself in the foot, because the more I procrastinate, the more likely it is I will flunk the exam and have to retake it, which will lead to much more discomfort down the road. So I'm being completely irrational here. Anyone have any tips on how to beat procrastination?

Holy shit man! Great to see you still going strong! 282 days is insane! ? Your latest entries sound like the kind of days I would love to have. Keep up the good work.