My journey for a new life

[Jason70]

Hello all, I'm Jason! 
 

If you did not read my story, basically I was back and forth. I played until my Junior year of high school until I realized how addicted I was. Then I quit, and it felt great! Spring of my Senior year though, my best friend committed suicide, which put me into a deep depression and I turned to games. Games gave me headaches, made me verbally violently and increased the gap between me and my mother. After a while I got a therapist and quit again, until this pandemic, where i still played most days.

I am here because I want to live a gaming free life, and this is my journal to that goal.

 

Today is day 0

I played games in the first half of the day, the afternoon was where I realized I had to get my crap together. I deleted my steam account again and put my games in a box in the attic. Now I'm going to use my time to define what I really want to do with my life now that games are no longer going to be a part of my life. The issue I'm struggling with now though is the gaming friends. I still want to keep in touch with them but they insist I continue gaming, and that I'm a fool for giving it up. They too have been hypnotized by gaming like i did, but I'm not sure with this pandemic how I could obtain new, non-gaming friends. 
 

I'm going to write down my goals now, and then finish a project.

Have a good day 

Jason

[championeal]

Hi Jason!
Welcome,
Congrats on your commitment to living a gaming free life. 🙌

9 hours ago, Jason70 said:

The issue I'm struggling with now though is the gaming friends. I still want to keep in touch with them but they insist I continue gaming, and that I'm a fool for giving it up.

I've also quit before, and I've realized this is one of the hardest parts every time, because there's an emotional connection to those people. It's really hard to deal with, but I've realized that friends will support you in your goals and choices. If they insist on you gaming, they are prioritizing gaming over your friendship. The solution doesn't always have to be finding new friends. Many of my gaming friends did not stay in contact, but the ones who did I truly value. Friends will look for other ways to connect. As far as the COVID situation for new friends, I think outdoor activities seem like a good option.

Wishing you the best

[Jason70]

Day 1

I did everything off of my goal list, except actually writing. While I did all these things, a lot of time spent was still on my phone. Darn. I guess it's okay as it's my first day but I am pretty annoyed. One thing I realized with this though is to do my productive things on my list for longer so I have less time to go on my phone. Some of my goals for the day were Waking up at 6, drinking enough water, meditating, learning about writing etc. I can all do these things as long as I want. 
 

No games today nor game related content. I successfully finished my work for today and I thought of some ways I could meet a new group of people. Rock climbing. I have always been afraid of heights, so this would be a way to break that fear also interacting with people and doing another non gaming activity. Hopefully i can find a club or organization related to it. I just would have to get the right gear, but if it's indoor Rock climbing, i can just show up every few days a week and see who's there. Obviously I will need to see if there is one in driving distance from my parents house, and if one is actually open but, I'm excited to see this, I've always wanted to rock climb. 
 

While I used my phone a lot today, here's to tomorrow. Have a goodnight everyone!

Jason

[Jason70]

19 hours ago, championeal said:

f they insist on you gaming, they are prioritizing gaming over your friendship. The solution doesn't always have to be finding new friends. Many of my gaming friends did not stay in contact, but the ones who did I truly value.

That's nice some supported your decision. From the people I told none of them supported me. and some stopped talking to me but some still do, despite disagreeing, so maybe I should keep in touch with them?  i'm not sure, I still want to make some other friends so I'm not spending more time on screens but also improving my lack of social skills face to face from years of gaming.

[championeal]

3 hours ago, Jason70 said:

some stopped talking to me but some still do, despite disagreeing, so maybe I should keep in touch with them?

YES! No need to throw all your friends out. Friends can disagree, what's important is they respect your decision. When I first quit, my closest friend for years was continuing to game, and I thought we needed to stop being friends. There was a couple years that I didn't talk to that friend, and I made the whole transition unnecessarily hard on myself. I'm thankful that we have since reconnected and I've realized that our friendship was more than just gaming.

Also, I wish you luck in finding your new friends. I saw above you are interested in rock climbing. Awesome! This is one of my hobbies, and I've found it is great for being social. Let me know if you have any questions about getting started.

[Jason70]

@championealThank you, and yeah even if they disagree, we can still be friends, disagreeing is part of being human

 

Day 2 

I managed to get everything done on my to do list, however I still used my phone a lot, to the point where it gave me a headache. I think I might download a screen reducing app to help me manage my time on it. I have an iPhone, so if you all have any suggestions for apps, that would be great! My goal for Saturday- Sunday is to finish the rough draft of the first chapter of the novel I'm writing. I've always fancied writing, and the idea of having these stories  I create, whether fiction or non-fiction, and then people discovering them, excites me. So that's one task for tomorrow. One thing I have to do though is for the future study the dictionary maybe. While English is my first language, there is so much vocabulary and grammar I do not know of. So best would be a grammar book and the dictionary. Let me know if you have any suggestions! 
 

Other than that, I didn't play games today at all nor did I watch game related content. However, with the phone, I am still talking a lot on Discord, and even though that's a gaming community, I don't partake in the gaming part of it. Anyway, I'm unsure if I should leave as I do not have a Twitter anymore and so Discord is the only way i can connect with those friends. At the same time, once I start talking there, it takes a lot to get me to stop looking at it, which greatly hinders my productivity. Let me know what you think.

Anyway, I'm going to listen to music, meditate then head to bed bye!

Jason

[championeal]

3 hours ago, Jason70 said:

One thing I have to do though is for the future study the dictionary maybe. While English is my first language, there is so much vocabulary and grammar I do not know of. So best would be a grammar book and the dictionary. Let me know if you have any suggestions! 

Sometime ago I was into this too! I'm always impressed by authors that can use the just right word to describe a feeling or situation. I used vocabulary.com for awhile, but didn't have the discipline to stick with it. I didn't have a goal to go with it. Seems you have the goal of your novel writing though, so that's a good motivator for learning words.

[TheNewMe2.0]

Hey, I quit substances and games. I lost like all my friends that I used to party and game with. I had to cut them off or I was going to be tempted to go back to those things. I'm 2 years off subs and 1 year off games. But I still have pretty much no friends. It's rough, but it did probably help me quit the bad stuff to cut those people off. I still miss them though.

[Jason70]

Day 3 

Unfortunately didn't write like I said I was going to do. Today for some reason I was lacking in energy, despite getting a great sleep. It might be that even though I am getting better sleep than when I used to game, I write these journals during the one hour before my sleep, and I also sleep with my phone's flashlight on. (Not afraid of the dark this just happened.)
 

It's time to eliminate these, as even the smallest action can effect an outcome in the long-term. You sleep much better without phones or technology 1 hour before bed and in the darkest setting ever. So starring tomorrow I will write my journals earlier. 
 

I noticed I am very mad at myself today for not getting anything done. This is my perfectionist side I believe, while it's important we have productive days, we can't go full steam ahead on everything and be productive 24/7, we need those chill days, and today was one of them. I hope later in my game free Journey I learn this.

Even though this was the case, there were two achievements. I deleted my Twitter account and I deleted discord from my phone. While Twitter wasn't too bad, discord on my phone just sucked me in, and it's time I stopped it. For some reason I noticed I couldn't fully quit discord, even when I said I was quitting forever, and I know why.

Like with games, some servers have an achievement system, whether that be levels or certain roles. Once you receive some roles you need to keep going, it tricks your brain and makes you wanting more and get the highest number of roles. However like with any game, the achievements end once you achieve them all, just like when you 100% a game. I remember this was the same with me and any Mario game I played, I just had to get 100% I had to get all the stars, all the coins etc. Though again it eventually ends, like with discord. And on one particular server, I didn't ever get a role I kept believing I was eligible for. So I pretended like I didn't care and left, but I still did care. I kept tricking my brain into thinking that I didn't care when I did. Some accounts I did delete but kept coming back under alter egos to fool them I was someone else and was perfect. Which is a horrible thing to do, not just because they are the people I made connections with as myself and I'm essentially lying to them, but it's bad for my health too. I think these actions added onto my perfectionism for a bit. Overall though, the server sucks, like there people find 9/11 jokes funny and bully people for being short or young. They also bully and start arguments over the dumbest things, like which cereal is the best or who is the best game company. Like shut the hell up, everyone has different opinions, have that knowledge drilled into your head until your brain splits in half. As your arguments make you so immature. 
 

You, as the people on the server obviously. Anyway, writing that made me feel better and if I want to delete discord from my life and erase it, i need to fully push my willpower into ending the urge for the roles, i mean they are literally just colors. Like you see colors all around you in the real world, they aren't important if they are just going to be on your name and not mean anything. But my point, social media while it has its pros, has the same issues as gaming in my view, it pulls you in with achievements like getting the most likes on a post or having a lot of followers. However unlike in real life, there is an ending point to those achievements and its just one achievement. In real life you have so many achievements and goals you can set. Which is why it's important that you live in the present moment, cause unlike a game you can't restart, you get one life and one life only. 
 

So I will stop being an alter ego trying to get a color and appreciate seeing the colors i see every day, appreciate seeing and just stop the passive achievements and begin the active achievements like reaching for my goals! 
 

Yeah those were two pluses, I'm going to respond to some journals and then meditate and go to bed. 
 

Have a great day! 
 

Jason

 

@championeal Yeah it's really interesting! Thanks for suggesting that website, I will utilize it! 
 

@TheNewMe2.0 I agree, it's hard to quit those you made such a strong connection with. But even though they had the same interests as you, something I realized, they aren't the same in real life as they portray themselves online, and overall, them sharing the interests is good but eventually something I experienced was that you start believing that they're the only ones who understand, because you're irritable as you play games and so are they, so they understand your problems (not all of them are like this but some are). In reality though, those who care about you truly, your family, and the connections you make in real life are the ones who understand better than a random stranger online, you just don't realize it because you're stuck in gaming. This was just my experience and realization, idk about you, but yeah you still miss them. I'm glad you cut the bad things off though.

[TheNewMe2.0]

I think I get what you're saying. While gaming we were so identified with the games and the other players we though they were the only ones who get us. But now we're off games the people who get us are new people. Not gaming people. Yeah. My life is better now. Even if I have less social relationships I'm a lot calmer and more content. So I think I probably made the right choice.

[Jason70]

@TheNewMe2.0Yup, exactly what I meant. I'm glad you're calmer

Day 4 

 

Today was productive, however I didn't feel happy or satisfied. It must have been because I quit discord last night, and so cutting off the connections from those friends hurt me a bit. Nevertheless, I am glad I did, my mental health was way worse on that app than it was today. 
 

No games or game related content, I actually think I did a good job today balancing screen time and productivity. Of course some of the things i had to do were on the computer, like school work but to me that's not what I mean by "screen time," I mean in the terms of unnecessary surfing. 
 

Listened to music a lot today, most of it was Christmas music to get hyped for the holidays, which reminds me I need to think of what to get my family. I'm honestly not sure 

Started my laundry and watched a motivational speech. I think with all this I'll eventually feel satisfied and proud of the progress I made, instead of feeling sad I just cut off communication with the online friends. 
 

Anyway, going to read and then hang out with family.

Have a good one! 
 

Jason

[Jason70]

Day 5 

Again like the other days, I spent a bunch on my phone. I found this app called freedom and I'm planning on using it whenever I have important stuff going on. I think the best bet would be when it comes to independent work, like away from school then use white noise or blues or jazz. I have those playlists on Spotify for a reason. However during school, no phone. If i do this I think I have a good shot at reducing my usage.

 

Actually now that I think on it, there's a lot I didn't get done today, i didn't write or read or practice piano. Honestly I am unsure what I can do to improve my motivation or willpower to do these things. I know it's only my 5th day, and I shouldn't expect legendary results at this time but still a part of me is still saying "what are you doing?! You didn't do anything, be productive be productive be productive." Which again is my perfectionist side always wanting to be the perfect productive person like those female self-improvement youtubers have showed me, which is one thing i don't like about self-improvement.

 

Most of the sources I have used besides gamequitters (the female self improvement people/others) always make it seem like self-improvement is so easy, they gloss over it when in reality it's hard as hell. Then they're all like "oh when I'm not feeling motivated to do my work, i take a nice bath with my perfect bubble bath maker, and then i get into my comfy pajamas, then I do a puzzle and read in my bedroom with white walls and everything is just so perfect for me." Like shut the fuck up. Sure you may have spent years doing self improvement but you can't just act like everything is fucking okay when you are unmotivated or tired or worn out, like it's not that easy okay, sometimes we still have to work to motivate ourselves, we don't just wake up every morning when the sun comes up and start dancing that "life is just so beautiful." Idk it just irritates me, which is why i joined this community and I like Cam's videos, cause he doesn't bullshit about this. 
 

Anyway, back to my point i just am not sure what i can do to numb my perfectionism side to where I can accept not working towards my goal or completing things I wanted to do. As i feel like it's getting in the way a lot at this point

Like I said to someone else, focusing on what I don't have or didn't complete isn't what I should do, so what did I do? I walked, I listened to music, I practiced French and I folded my laundry. All very important things so I'm glad I did them. (The music isn't that important but it's better than gaming!)

I'm going to put away my laundry and read a bit so bye

[DaBest]

I'm a recovering perfectionist too! Isn't it fun? 

I think one thing that could help is shifting the focus from the goal to the process. Instead of thinking (or trying not to) "I want to be perfect", focus more on "I just want to be a little bit better today." By doing that, it takes a lot of pressure off, and it allows one to actually appreciate progress and go after it in more manageable chunks. 

I will consistently judge myself for my mistakes from past and present. However, I've fought like crazy these past few years, and if I look back long-term, I'm WAY ahead of where I was. I'm at least proud of that. I'm nowhere close to having some of the traits from certain people I idolize, but I'm still way better than the person five years ago who didn't finish grad school, and was working at a pizzeria while living at my parents' place. I take some solace in that, and it takes the edge off when I remember.

 

[Jason70]

2 minutes ago, DaBest said:

I think one thing that could help is shifting the focus from the goal to the process. Instead of thinking (or trying not to) "I want to be perfect", focus more on "I just want to be a little bit better today." By doing that, it takes a lot of pressure off, and it allows one to actually appreciate progress and go after it in more manageable chunks. 

Yeah, like i said, i need to realize that not getting everything done and not going full steam is alright. Thank you for your tips, i will utilize them!

 

Day 5 (Midnight thought):

Had a little midnight thought I wanted to add. Just a little tidbit

 

Now i love music and if you ask me it's better than games. Although it doesn't distract me from goals, it's still distracting. It's a weird thing for me, instead of trying new music, i just listen to the same thing over and over cause I'm familiar with it; a natural human instinct. Though when i find a band i love, i do everything and research all about them, watch all their videos thousands of times over, listen to their songs a lot, and nothing gets done. Right now this is happening with the a cappella group, Pentatonix, and with any band I do not know how to balance time with watching them and doing what's important.

Hopefully this is also not just me either

 

Have a goodnight now

Jason 

[TheNewMe2.0]

Good luck balancing. I just work when I have work and watch tv or exercise otherwise. It's different if you're in school though.

[Jason70]

Day 6 (tidbit) 

Not much happened yet, phone again and so because I don't want to just quit games and then go on my phone, i watched Cam's vid again on how to stop mindlessly browsing the internet and how to stop consuming content. I watched these before but I never really took in the information. However today, i realized one reason why i quit games and what i wanted to change. Gaming has always given me the community. The people also playing games. This isn't related to games but since gaming deteriorated my speaking skills and i was bullied i became friends with anyone who i knew would talk to me but that was a mistake. I got rid of two of them and now I'm trying to get rid of the third one who is only dragging me down and doesn't actually insist on keeping the friendship going. But what the how to stop mindlessly browsing the internet taught me was that for socializing find activities where i can meet people. Like i mentioned before rock climbing.

For the how to stop consuming content video. Since I want to write, while reading is important, it also is just consuming content and not actually writing. So besides journaling, I'm going to learn 1 new dictionary word a day and then upload a short story a day, and you guys can give me feedback. This way instead of just reading, I'm going to be writing too. This video also made me realize that school is pretty much consuming content too. Not college so much as i can take classes I'm passionate in, but for the specific job and high school we're just learn things that aren't necessary for the person we want to be. Sure school is important but it's just consumption, like come on. In high school i learned about exponential regressions, now besides a math person and maybe scientist, who is going to use that? 
 

Anyway, that was my tidbit for the day

[Bird By Bird]

3 hours ago, Jason70 said:

upload a short story a day

That's exhausting. It takes me 1-2 weeks to write a short story. Take it easy and do 1 short story a month.

[Jason70]

@Bird By Birdyeah you're right, i guess i was getting ahead of myself. 
 

Word for the day - Abase 

Definition: to humiliate or degrade 

 

Day 6

Phone for most of the day but finished it off by going outside and doing some homework. Tomorrow will be a lot of homework, but once i do it, i will be able to finish it. Looked up a rock climbing place near me, is surprisingly open until 9:30 at night so might head over there on the weekend and see what it's like. Other than rock climbing, I've always been interested in learning an instrument, and when i do i could possibly start a band, not aiming for anything big, but just playing to play, maybe do some local shows? But I'll focus on the rock climbing first and my personal habits. Looking forward to a good day tomorrow.

Realized that doing one thing at a time or focusing gives more time to recover from gaming during the detox, you can't just expect you to be all productive after the first day of quitting 

[Jason70]

Day 7

One week without games! I am so happy about this! When I was on my own, I couldn't last one day without playing at least some games. I'm starting to appreciate life more, and I couldn't be happier to be 7 days in this journey! 
 

Word of the day: abaft

Definition: on or near the rear of a ship

The only thought I had of playing was when I saw some games my younger brother left out but I easily avoided playing it. My phone again took up most of the day but I enabled screen time and made restrictions which should help. Let me know you're tactics of something you use. 
 

Besides that my main issue I have is how to fill time. Now that I have started focusing on one thing. Besides rock climbing, and exercising, I don't know what I could fill time with since I have so much time now. I need to think more on what other goals I have besides being a writer, and goals that I can reach in a few years. I am just not sure. For my life I have honestly been interested in a few things which was games and a few other things. I know this is my comfort zone but I'm not sure how i can limit it from hindering me from new activities that I might enjoy in this pandemic. Suggestions would be nice for this as I have no idea. 
 

Got some homework done and I'm soon going meditate. 
 

Have a nice evening everyone

Jason

[Jason70]

Day 8 

Managed to stay off phone in the morning! Still went on it a lot but not using it in the morning is big progress for me. I really need to write down the hobby I want to start with. I think I'm going to do basketball first which I started today. Fortunately I have a court a short walking distance from my house so I'm able to just practice every day. This will be my first hobby I start along with exercising and meditating and reading, so I can balance it a bit more. 
 

Also word of the day: abalone 

Definition: Large edible gastropods with pearly interiors.

Hope you all have a good night!

Jason

[Jason70]

Day 9:

Shorter journal today as I am really tired and looking forward to a good nights sleep. I cleared away some rocks in my front yard and exercised. The only thing with gaming was i accidentally logged into just like a website game without thinking for a second, must still be that mindset of needing to consume content. However life is more than screens. I understand this lesson but i never have been able to avoid it and actually do other things. Which i think is related to my years of gaming. So once I get deeper in my detox it should be easier. 
 

Word of the day: Abas

Definition: expression of disapproval 

 

Hope you all have a good day

Jason

[Jason70]

Day 10: 

 

Most of the day was college work. I really need to fix my time management since it's been so fucked by games. I just have no idea where to start. Due to my procrastination habits in place now, I am worried that it will eventually lead me being removed from the college or something from lower grades due to rushing. 

One thing that's been on my mind is jobs. I currently don't have one, I am on a student loan for my college which has been helping me but I know that if i don't get a job the debt is gonna be hard to pay. I mean I'm only a Sophomore, and I am hoping by being an English major it will open some jobs for me but honestly it still pre-occupies most of my thoughts. 
 

Overall just worried about that and stop using my phone a lot. I think though it just comes down to willpower. I mean it's like what Cam mentioned in one of his videos, i didn't stop playing games to just go on my phone, i stopped playing to lead a life of excellence and impress even myself. However as a gamer, which some of you might relate to, we used games to run away from challenges and issues. Multiple times we would do it, which for me made a system where now without games I'm still taking the easy road. I'm not sure how I can at this point in my game free journey, avoid taking the easy road for a bit and exercise my brain to enjoy more "boring" tasks. 
 

Just stressed rn. Failed to read and exercise today as I was so busy with work. Time management is crucial for me. I will try a method in the morning to hopefully help but we will see. 
 

Word of the day: Abeyance 

Definition: in temporary suspension 

 

Hope you all are doing well

 

Jason

[Jason70]

Day 11:

Word of the day: abatis

definition: a barricade of fallen trees with the branches towards enemies

 

Realized a lot of things today. Another day where I spent too much time on my phone. Like games I feel similar symptoms with my phone, so I might do a detox on that and write my journals on my computer instead. One thing I realized is that, if I think too much on doing something other than looking at something screen related then I won't want to do it, so I will try to limit my thoughts on things like homework and exercising and reading because once I actually do it I am happy. I also realized that there are no other youtubers i need to see than Cam. I don't need to see Cam's videos either but I feel like because he doesn't bs about things then they will actually be helpful. Anyway, another thing I noticed is that everything in life shows that some work needs to be put in, even with games, the most sedentary thing i can think of. Like you need to work to be good at games, you need to work to do hard things and go towards your dreams. I am honestly glad it's this way as it shows us that we can't take the easy route cause then we'll be good at nothing. Today I also realized a bunch of things about myself, that I'm going to keep secret but the realizations really make me excited for tomorrow.

Going to respond to a few journals, write down a routine for the morning and put my phone somewhere i won't be tempted to grab it.

So bye for now! 
 

Jason 

[championeal]

2 hours ago, Jason70 said:

One thing I realized is that, if I think too much on doing something other than looking at something screen related then I won't want to do it, so I will try to limit my thoughts on things like homework and exercising and reading because once I actually do it I am happy.

I also tend to be an overthinker. The thoughts are almost always worse than the thing itself.

[Jason70]

@championealExactly! Thats why I want to cut down on these things.

Day 12:

Word of the day: abatoir

Definition: A slaughterhouse 

Made a decision to first fix my sleep schedule yesterday, which did not go as planned, i woke up later and because of a project I am now going to bed after 1 in the morning. Looking to strike out procrastination, so I can fix my sleep schedule, which for me theyre connected. However, it's the first day so it's fine. Besides that today I went on a walk and worked out. Even though I am going to bed late it feels good to just be alive rn. Idk why it's just a thing I am feeling.

 

Anyway Goodnight everyone 

Jason