MuMuMelon's Diary

[FDRx7]

19 hours ago, MuMuMelon said:

My sleep over the last three nights has been absolutely terrible. Tossing and turning with no hope of sleep in site.

Hang in there. I’m working through sleep issues as well. I woke up today at the time I intended, only to walk right back upstairs after shutting off my alarm and going to sleep for another hour. It’s difficult when your clock is out of whack. 
 

Are you able to go to bed at a consistent hour? I'm trying to slowly move my bedtime back by 15 minutes every couple days or a week until I hit the target. Maybe try something like this? I’ve also used melatonin before to try and reset my circadian rhythm, but only for the time needed to reset it. Seems to work okay. 

[MuMuMelon]

Thanks for that @Amphibian220. 

Truthfully, I haven't come up with much of a plan yet. I have been keeping myself busy with productive things. Yoga, meditation, organizing my bedroom, eating healthy meals, putting my entire video game collection up for sale (Just received an email back from them today and I'm taking it in tomorrow to sell.), going for walks, etc.

I was going to give myself a week or two of just allowing my brain to feel how it feels. Which is to say, all over the place and unfocused. 

That being said, I will put a plan together tonight for the rest of the month. Tomorrow I'll make a plan for the next three months. 

My sleep was a little better last night. I hope that trend continues.

Have a great night everybody. 

[MuMuMelon]

Day 9

....and I just got back from selling off my entire video game collection. There are now zero video games in my house, on my computer or on my phone. I don't know if I've ever been able to say that since I was like 8 years old. Even when I quit the first time I still had a bunch of consoles sitting in a closet. Not anymore. 

It was a little heavy selling off all my stuff to be honest. Like selling a part of my being. Still, I was glad to let it go. I've had enough distractions in my life up to this point. 

My sleeps have been getting better everyday thank goodness. 

Now there is nothing left to do but get my life in order, figure out a plan and then carry through with it. This is going to be tough but I'm here for it. 

If anyone is curious here's what I sold off today...

XBox Series S (with original box and all cables)

2 x Controllers (1 white with slight drift and 1 green that's brand new)

Additional Hardrive for extra storage (designed for xbox)

 

Nintendo Switch (Original not OLED) with box

Pro Controller (great shape) with box and charging cable

Travel Case

Ring Fit Adventure (includes box and all accessories)

Tactics Ogre Reborn (with case)

Monster Hunter Rise (with case)

Fitness Boxing 2

 

XBox 1

1 x Controller (good shape)

Includes the HDMI cable but is missing the power cable (pretty standard I believe)

 

Playstation 3 (original model)

All cables included

2 x controllers (good shape)

 

2 x Wii consoles

Includes power adapters and sensor bars

*missing AV cables for both

Wii 2 HDMI adaptor

Gamecube controller (good shape)

 

Wii U with touch screen controller

All cables included

2 x aftermarket controllers (not sure of the condition)

 

Original Chinese NES (with original box)

All cables included

Comes with 4 games - Super Mario Bros. 3, Contra, The Adventures of Bayou Billy, and a 64 in 1 game cartridge

 

Original NES 

Includes adaptor and AV Cables

2 x controllers 

 

Sony Playstation Mini

All cables and controllers included

 

Nintendo 64

Includes all power and AV Cables (after market)

4 x N64 Controllers (rough shape)

 

Abernic RG35XX Portable Retro Handheld

Includes original box 

 

Hyperkin Retron 2 - NES/SNES console

Includes all cables and controllers 

 

GAMES!!!

 

NES GAMES

Super Mario Bros./Duck Hunt (works but cartridge looks rough)

Super Mario Bros. 2

Tetris

R.C. Pro AM

Bubble Bobble

1943

Duck Tales

Kid Icarus

Punch-Out!!! (original with Mike Tyson)

Zelda

Zelda 2

(includes 8 cartridge sleeves and 2 cartridge carrying cases)

 

N64 GAMES

Perfect Dark

Tony Hawk's Pro Skater

Super Mario 64

Zelda: OoT

Zelda: Majora's Mask

 

Wii U GAMES

Star Fox Zero (includes Star Fox Guard)

Xenoblade Chronicles X

Super Smash Bros. 

Nintendo Land

Zombi U

Lego City Undercover

Just Dance 2016

The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker

Mario Kart 8

Bayonetta 2 (Includes Bayonetta 1)

Hyrule Warriors

NES Remix Pack

Ninja Gaiden 3: Razor's Edge

Guitar Hero 

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

 

Wii Games

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess

Mario Strikers Charged

Sin & Punishment

Donkey Kong Country Returns

Excitebots: Trick Racing

Wii Sports Resort

House of the Dead: Overkill (doesn't have original case)

Metroid Prime 3

Punch-Out! (does not have original case)

Wii Sports

Wii Fit Plus

Wii Fit

Animal Crossing: City Folk

Battalion Wars 2 

Metroid: Other M

The Incredible Hulk

EA Active

*Also one Gamecube game - Viewtiful Joe

 

Playstation 3 GAMES

Metal Gear Solid: The Complete Collection

Mass Effect Trilogy

Final Fantasy XII

Final Fantasy XII-2

Disgaea 3: Absense of Justice

The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion

Skyrim

Dragon Age 2

Portal 2

Fallout 3

Dragon Age Origins

Resident Evil 5

Mercenaries 2: World in Flames

Infamous 2

Little Big Planet 2

The Bureau: XCom Declassified

Meal of Honor Airborne

The Club

Midnight Club

Twisted Metal

Motor Storm: Apocalypse

Motor Storm

Zone of the Enders: HD Collection

Resistance: Fall of Man

Killzone 3

Rainbow Six Vegas 2

Killzone 2

Resistance 3

God of War Ascension

God of War Origins Collection

God of War Collection

Darksiders 

Heavenly Sword

Grand Theft Auto IV

Red Dead Redemption

L.A.Noire

Uncharted: Drake's Fortune

Uncharted 2

Uncharted 3

The Last of Us

Dead Space

Dead Space 2 

Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance 

 

 

[FDRx7]

Wow, this is a huge step, congratulations! I’m glad you are starting to sleep better. 
 

I agree, I think a plan is going help a lot. There is a freedom in structure. 

 

[MuMuMelon]

Day 12

Okay, I've been a little busy lately. Thursday night I saw John Dore at a comedy club here in town. Friday I drove up to my friend's cottage and spent the day relaxing and tinkering with a synthesizer. (I figured it out enough to come up with a beat I liked at least.) After that my buddy arrived, and we just spent the night talking. 

Today we're going to chill, eat well, have a fire and maybe go for a hike. The day is still young. 

I know I said I'd come up with a plan...and I do have a pretty solid starting plan. I just haven't typed it out yet. When I get back from the cottage I'll sit down, write it out and post it on my bedroom wall. 

Until then, just wanted to check in. I'm still game free and going strong. Still, my guard is up. I've been here before and I've relapsed.

I'm doing my best to keep my mind open and sharp.

Have a sunny day all! 

[Pochatok]

27 minutes ago, MuMuMelon said:

Still, my guard is up. I've been here before and I've relapsed.

Love the attitude- something I'm definitely struggling with. I'm glad you're staying aware of your past tendencies, and are doing active work to move away from them.

[MuMuMelon]

Day 23 of quitting video games....

Okay, I haven't been playing video games the last 23 days but I haven't been doing much else. At first I was just allowing my mind to do what it needed to do and go where it needed to go. Turns out that hasn't been the greatest idea. I have achieved very little in the last 23 days aside from not playing video games. Now is the time to implement a plan and get my life in order. I have procrastinated long enough. 

I have noticed that it's hard to be proud of yourself for quitting video games when you are not doing anything to see improvements in your life. I put a rough plan together a few days ago. I will use that as my template to create more in depth daily and weekly routines. It's crazy to think for most of my life my routine always revolved around playing video games. What an absolute waste of life. Oh well. I guess I can sit around and feel sorry for myself or get off my ass and start turning my life into one I would be proud of. I have certainly wasted an obscene amount of my life. Time to make the rest of my years count!

My Plan For the Day...

Apply for the working at heights refresher course

meditate

short yoga session

do starter sets of push-ups, sit-ups and donues 

do posture correction exercises

do a breathwork session 

spend 2-3 hours completing Udemy classes (start with the courses on remote working and shamanism)

spend 1-2 hours learning one of your synthesizers

eat healthy meals and drink lots of water/tea

write a journal entry/plan out tomorrow

*with any time remaining, read a book/play around with synths/watch an episode of something 

**at the end of the day post to GQ to make yourself accountable

 

My Plan going forward.

Stop trying to needlessly purchase things in order to feel a dopamine hit. Instead, save your money and pay off your bills. Food and necessities should be your only concern for the next couple of years.

(That’s all you are chasing. You don’t need anymore things. What you want and need are experiences. Learn, travel, build relationships. Grow as a person.)

- get a grip on all your income, benefits, RRSP’s, etc.

- do your taxes

- finalize your divorce

- get all benefit information from IATSE

- pay off bills

- start saving money

 

Get into great physical shape.

- eat healthy meals every day, eat minimal carbs and drink lots of water

- take vitamins and mineral supplements

- start doing a daily routine of 3 sets of 3 push-ups, 3 sets of 3 sit-ups, and 3 sets of 3 donues

*every week add 1 to the number of reps

- meditate every day

- do Yoga every day, alternating shorter and longer sessions

*include Sun Salutations into your routine every day

- do posture correction exercises for the next year

- go for walks every other day (an hour or more)

- do breath work every day

- quite smoking cigarettes and stop smoking marijuana

- do a 30 day dopamine detox *no porn/no FAP, doom scrolling, alcohol, TV or movies (setting up a time to get this started)

- push yourself. Push through the doubtful and negative thoughts. You CAN do this.

 

Educate yourself.

- systematically tackle all of the Udemy courses you have purchased

*start with the ones most important to you: Remote Work/Shamanism/Breathwork/Meditation/Reiki

- also, you have plenty of books you have acquired over the years. Read them.

- Youtube can be a useful educational tool, just don’t let it control you. Use it as a tool not a mind-sink.

- start with the courses on Remote Work and Shamanism

- take more courses with IATSE – get your working at heights refresher, elevated work platforms and

telehandler

- learn your sythesizers – start with the Novation Circuit Tracks & Mininova

*read the manuals, watch tutorials, learn these instruments

- learn Thai

 

***Figure out the person you want to be. You’ve spent most of your life obsessing over video games and not much else. You can become whoever you want. The only limitations are your imagination and your bravery. I have sat in the shadows for far too long. It’s time to step out into the sunlight and be seen.

 

 

[eonplz]

"Stop trying to needlessly purchase things in order to feel a dopamine hit. Instead, save your money and pay off your bills. Food and necessities should be your only concern for the next couple of years."

 

God I felt that so hard. This is actually a problem I really struggle with. You can do this MuMuMelon

[wheatbiscuit]

8 hours ago, MuMuMelon said:

Day 23 of quitting video games....

Okay, I haven't been playing video games the last 23 days but I haven't been doing much else. At first I was just allowing my mind to do what it needed to do and go where it needed to go. Turns out that hasn't been the greatest idea. I have achieved very little in the last 23 days aside from not playing video games. Now is the time to implement a plan and get my life in order. I have procrastinated long enough. 

I have noticed that it's hard to be proud of yourself for quitting video games when you are not doing anything to see improvements in your life. I put a rough plan together a few days ago. I will use that as my template to create more in depth daily and weekly routines. It's crazy to think for most of my life my routine always revolved around playing video games. What an absolute waste of life. Oh well. I guess I can sit around and feel sorry for myself or get off my ass and start turning my life into one I would be proud of. I have certainly wasted an obscene amount of my life. Time to make the rest of my years count!

This rings true for my first 3 weeks (I read the Harry Potter books again during them). It also reminds me of the flip-side, when I tried my best and put in 3 hours a night to learn for Maths homework.

When periods of hard work like that were over (as a teenager mostly, but a few times including my last gaming session this May), I would actually say 'it's time to make the next year count - by gaming'. lol

There's no easy way to find balance (without thinking and reflecting a lot), but it's better overall not neglecting keeping a literally clean body, mind and living space for screen-gazing, right? 

--- You've got a great list of goals! I would put them on 3-4 bits of coloured cardboard paper, categorised, and stick them on the wall, too. 😛 

~ Matt

Edited September 27, 2023 by wheatbiscuit

[MuMuMelon]

3 hours ago, wheatbiscuit said:

I would put them on 3-4 bits of coloured cardboard paper, categorised, and stick them on the wall, too.

Good idea. I keep them in a book but it would be wise to have in two places. Especially one where I can't help but see it. 

[Amphibian220]

Are you part of a real life group of men with a practical goal (reclaiming masculinity, charitable initiatives, therapy etc) - a place where commitment is required? Not online, but regular meetings in person.

I am asking because following goals as part of a group is much safer than alone. The cynical side of a gamer can start thinking that these goals are not worth going after, but its the group that can urge him to continue his effort.

 

[MuMuMelon]

Day 24

I put a plan together the night before and so far I have followed through with nearly everything. I should have the list completed before I go to bed. Overall though I had a good day.

List of things I accomplished

- Yoga, meditation, breathwork, posture exercises and a short set of push-ups, sit-up and squats

- Used 3 hours to work on two different Udemy classes (90 minutes each) - Remote Working class & Shamanism class

- I ate 3 healthy meals and drank a bunch of water 

- went for a walk 

*the only things I have left to do are spend some time learning a synthesizer, plan out tomorrow and write a journal entry before bed. 

Not much else to say. I hope everybody has a great night! 

 

[FDRx7]

Good to see you on again. The plan looks good!

[MuMuMelon]

Day 26

I was busy most of the day yesterday. In the morning I went to visit my Dad for a trail walk. After that we went to my Dad's friend's house for a BBQ. Food was great and the conversation was nice too. 

After that I spent two hours fighting traffic to get home. Fun.

When I got home I did a short workout and then I went to a meeting with some friends to discuss a podcast we're working on. The meeting was productive and I have a good plan about my next steps. I'll be working on that after the weekend. 

Today and tomorrow I'm heading up to my friend's cottage to help do some yard work. 

The only thing on my list today are...

Posture exercises and a mini workout session. 

Enjoy the day everybody! 

[MuMuMelon]

Day 28

Had a great day up at my friends cottage. We did a lot of work around the place. Cleaned up dead wood, burned all dead wood, leveled the deck out back, re-fastened the front deck back together and then did a bunch of gardening work. In the evening we relaxed, had a few drinks and chilled. Overall it was a really nice day of rigorous work and fun chillaxing. 

We got back yesterday night so I didn't have too much time to get much else done. I was pretty tired so I ended up watching a few episodes of The Bear and crashed. 

Today I'm heading to a Blue Jays game with some friends so that should be cool. When I get back I'll plan out my week in more detail. 

 

[MuMuMelon]

Day 30

I had a pretty good day yesterday. I spent the morning doing breathwork, exercise and yoga. I did a short meditation session after that but I couldn't stick with it unfortunately. My mind was just too active. After that I relaxed for the rest of the day.

I have noticed that motivation is in short supply these days. There are things I want to do but it's a challenge to sit my ass down and just do it. I find myself glued to my phone watching youtube shorts. That has to change. I realize that I'm still just in the beginning stages of quitting. I am making changes after nearly a lifetime of living a completely different life. This is a dramatic change in my lifestyle. I'm happy to be in this position but I'd be lying if I didn't say my life feels directionless at the moment.

Also, it's really hard to accept what I've lost as a result of this stupid addiction. Friends, family, girlfriends...in the past I didn't make these very important things a priority. Now, while I do have an excellent group of friends that I love, I can't help but feel lonely a lot of the time. I don't have a wife (my fault), I don't have kids, and I'm nearly 50 years old. It's hard to feel confident in this position. I'm working on it but it's a real challenge some days. I know that life isn't a competition but it's hard knowing that nearly everybody else I know is successful, married and happy. 

I know that my confidence would rise if I got in shape. I'm nearly 40 pounds overweight. So I'm working on eating better and exercising significantly more. 

I really hope that my story can convince some of you younger gamers to understand just how bad a gaming addiction can be. Knock it off before you end up in my position. Get out there, meet people, do awesome things and well....just have fun. Experience life.

I hope that everybody on this site comes to terms with their addictions and really put them away for good. The only things games are good for are eating your time on this earth. 

All the best everybody. Keep it up. 

 

[MuMuMelon]

Day 41

I haven't posted in nearly two weeks. I'm still game free but my life has been pretty unstable lately. I work in the film industry and due to the ongoing actors strike I have been out of work for a couple of months now. The first couple of weeks weren't so bad but now my financial situation is degrading quickly. 

I'm happy to report that during this time I made the choice to quit playing video games and I've stuck to it. 

This is a crazy time for the entire world. I'm not pretending that my problems really matter in the grand scheme of things. However, I do find pride in the fact that I've put video games aside and I'm doing new things with my life. 

I would add more but I'm add my friend's cottage doing some last minute work before he sells it. Busy busy busy.

I hope you all find pride in yourselves for committing to stay video game free. 

[MuMuMelon]

Day 43

...well so much for feeling pride.

I can't shake this feeling of being hollow. I feel empty. It's not the lack of video games. I think the hollow feeling comes from all the time I've wasted. I know I shouldn't look back on my life with regret but I most certainly do. I wasted so much time. 

I'm just having trouble coming to terms with that today. 

 

[Amphibian220]

This is deception and an additional hook of the corrupt entertainment industry. The self pity and regret are two of the weapons used to pull back into the gaming habits.

Even in those periods when you gamed, you also did good things for your community but may not have paid attention to it. So looking at it with a lot of negativity is wrong. Stay strong because you may be close to great improvements

[MuMuMelon]

Thanks @Amphibian220, I really appreciate your feedback. I am feeling much less down in the dumps today. I realize that I haven't been pushing myself to get exercise, so I'm off to the gym today. Anywhere I can get some endorphins seems to be a good idea. Also, I signed back up for Yoga classes starting tomorrow night. 

I admit that it's hard to look towards the future with positivity but I will work on that. I understand that small improvements every day lead to massive changes over time. I just need to remind myself of that regularly. 

I really appreciate the support of this site. 

 

[MuMuMelon]

Day 46

Rough day. My cash flow has been dwindling exponentially as the actors strike continues to see no forward momentum. My muffler decided to fall off during a recent trip to Hamilton. That's another $500(ish) dollars that I don't have. This strike has been going on for almost three months and I doubt it will resolve until a few months into next year. BONUS ROUND! My union will be re-negotiating our terms next year too. I highly doubt that after the writers strike and actors strike are resolved, there will be any incentive for us to truly fight for our rights here in Canada. It's not as if we can afford to strike. 

Not gonna lie. This is a rough time for me. The only reason I have a place to live right now if because a friend of mine is renting me their basement for an extremely reasonable rate. 

Never thought this would be my situation at 47 years old. 

Anyway, I'm not planning on playing video games or anything like that. I just needed to vent. 

Aside from the crap I had a good/productive day so far. I went to a walk in clinic today to discuss therapy options, (I think it's about time I talked to somebody), took my car to the shop, did some yoga, played a quick board game my landlord/friend upstairs, and I did my laundry. 

...and now, while I wait for the repairs to be done to my car, I'm going to make some dinner. 

Have a good night everybody. 

[MuMuMelon]

I would like to add that while my problems might seem insurmountable right now, I am not naive to the problems in the world. Obviously there are millions of people in much worse situations that my own. 

Truly, it's kind of shameful for me to be complaining at all. I live in a country full of opportunities. Perhaps it's just time to look into a new career. 

I just need to remind myself that I am fortunate. I'm struggling right now but this struggle is manageable. 

 

[MuMuMelon]

Day 50!

I'm proud of myself today for quitting. The time has come and gone very quickly after the first week. Since I quit I've been taking better care of my health, getting out more, meditating more, I joined a gym and....well that's about it. I'm still out of work due to the actors strike, which makes it difficult stay to focused. Occasionally I attempt to play a solitaire board game but I almost always find myself bored before I finish. That's frustrating to be honest. Video games really did a number on the old dopamine cycle. Things that don't pump excitement directly into my corneas struggle to keep my interest.

Still I try. And I will continue to try. I know, down the road, my mind will be sharp once again. Considering how long I gamed for it might be a while. I am patient. 

 

 

[MuMuMelon]

Day 53!

These past 7 weeks have been both tough and enlightening. Between quitting video games and a regular meditation practice I have been achieving a much greater clarity of mind. I wish I could say that that meant I was calm, focused and rational....but that would be a lie. These days I am just much more aware of myself and my actions. I find myself questioning the things I do and the thoughts I have. 

A couple of days ago I was stuck in traffic for over four hours throughout the course of my day. I'm not proud to say this but I was raging like a damn monster for most of that time. Like, completely raving like a lunatic. It was a sad state of affairs. I'm not completely sure why but it happened. I had zero control over my emotions. And as somebody who has been meditating for a few years now, I struggle with the fact that I could so easily lose control of myself. What's worse...I'm aware of what I'm doing now. Like, I see myself from the outside but I'm still unable to reign myself in. Sometimes I wonder if I even want to. 

It's possible that having all this free time away from a major distraction has given me time to analyze my life. Not sure if I'm loving what I'm seeing. 

On the bright side I've been hitting the gym regularly, started taking a weekly yoga class (while continuing to do yoga at home a few times per week as well), and I continue to practice meditation nearly everyday. I know that there is so much more that I could be doing with my life. Honestly though, it's been a bit of a mental struggle just to do what I've been doing. I know that sounds defeatist but I'm really trying to focus on my health and mind for the next little while. At least while this strike continues to eat away at my finances. 

Well, that's it for today.

Take care everybody. Enjoy the day!

[MuMuMelon]

Day 57

My last few days have been really nice. On Friday I went up to my good friends cottage for the evening. The next night I visited some friends for a Halloween party. Sunday I nursed a mild hang over (haven't had one of those in a quite some time). 

Today was a crazy good day for me. I've been out of work for a few months and things have been getting tight. Fortunately a friend of mine recently asked me if I'd visit him in Montreal to help him with some finishing touches on his building. He has been gutting an old bar for the last few years and now it's nearly finished. Fortunately I have time to help.

This should be great. I get to work with one of my oldest childhood friends and when I'm not working I'll be in Montreal during the winter. It's going to be awesome! 

If the strike ends up coming to a close then I'll return to Toronto to get back to work. In the meantime I plan to enjoy what life brings my way. This is such a nice change of pace from last week. My mood has improved significantly. I've noticed that exercising more has really helped my mood too. 

Today is the first day in a while that I've felt so positive. 

As for the video games, I haven't been missing them. These days I don't really think about them much. However, I do notice that trying to get into new things is a bit of a challenge. Nothing provides that dopamine hit the way video games do. I keep myself busy with meditation and exercise but I know that's not enough. I plan to lean harder into learning my synthesizer and also into completing the online classes that I started. 

There's plenty for me to do. I just have to push myself to do it sometimes. 

That's it for today. I'm grateful for this site and the people on it. I hope you all find whatever it is you're looking for.