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TheNewMe2.0's Journal - A Better Life


TheNewMe2.0
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@DaBestI do try. And I'm continuing to try despite unfavorable circumstances. I'm only doing video calls. They still make me uncomfy. I've thought about trying to be a computer programmer. Because that would have me deal with less people hopefully. But I don't think I could even make it through the schooling. I'm already so far along this psych path it's kind of like. There's nothing else for me to do. It'd take forever to do a new career and even if I did I'd probably run into the same problems.

Positive: No morning shift today

Yeah my client's on a gap in insurance time so I am not working this morning, just posting. Waiting to cancel funds transfers on etrade which is a glitchy site that double charged me and overdrafted my bank account. I don't recommend them. Their customer service isn't very good either and you ahve to wait up to 5 hours to talk to a representative. Also their online live chat thing resets your que every time the screen saver goes on on your computer so you have to make sure the screen doesn't go to sleep while it's waiting in the chat que line. Anyways hopefully they send money back to my bank and I can forget about stocks forever.

I just want to work and save towards real estate. My mom just got a job as a translator making more money than me. It really highlights how poor I am. Supposedly after licensure I'll make more. But who knows if I'll even be able to handle working with 40+ people on a full caseload. It'll be a lot to endure for sure. I dunno if I'll make it even if I make it to licensure. It's a lot of crap to deal with.

I told my sup I wanted to stop yesterday but went to a meeting with her after anyways to see if I could handle it. I think I possibly could although it's very uncomfortable for me. I Was still able to sleep at night despite the stress. I have one more supervisor interview today so we'll see how that goes. I kind of don't want to leave my current sup even though it's not comfy because I haven't been comfy with over 20+ people I interviewed. So I kind of have to go with the best I can find and just deal with the discomfort if I want a chance at licensure. It sucks but it's what I've got. I'm kind of stressed about waiting to see if I get approved. I just want to find out what the decision is and have it be over with already. I'm tired of waiting.

If the interview goes well today though then I'll have to make a choice between the old and the new sup. That'll be difficult. Yeah.

I smiled at my blanket

I accomplished saying hi to mom

I am grateful for grits, oatmeal, courage, empathy, compassion, love, benevolence, endurance, enduring, for licensrue

God bless

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Positive: Got a side job

So my mom has this job translating textbooks from Chinese to English. She's paying me to edit the english once it's done. Basically she said she doesn't just want to give me free money for my loans she wants to make me earn it somehow. So that's alright. I understand and I'm grateful to get more money on a Saturday. Not working gives me anxiety because my mom's mean to me and pressures me to work mon thru sat. It's not very chill of her but that's just her way of doing things. When I didn't have a job it was very stressful for me because she was always on my case to get a job.

Whatever. We're getting bread and I'll eat some pizza today. Then I'll get 4 hours of editing work done and get paid for five. I factored in a 15 minute bathroom break every hour into my pay. Hehe. Yep. My mom taught me to do this kind of crap and now it's causing her to pay me more, how ironic. Whatever it's only rounding up like 30 minutes it's fine. Thou shalt not lie within reason and all that.

I smiled at my meditation timer

I accomplished getting up after a cold night

I am grateful for meditation, timer, mindfulness, cushion, pillow, rest, night, cold, heater, thicker blanket,

God bless

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Congrats on the side job even if it wasn't what you wanted. It's still a chance for you to be productive and maybe learn something new about yourself. It may also improve your relationship with your mom.

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@BooksandTreesIt's a good job. They said they might pay me more if they like my work too so that's good. And yeah it can possibly improve relations with my mom. She is a lot happier when I'm working and less mean to me.

Positive: Covid shot today?

Well. I'm gonna go get my shot even though it's snowing a ton. My mom wanted me to reschedule it. But I just want to get it done already. This will be a good time to do it because I have tomorrow off due to the snow. Hopefully I'm able to safely drive 1 hour round trip to get the shot done. I hope the snow doesn't cause me to get in an accident or something. Maybe it would be better to reschedule. Hm.

My psychiatrist has pissed me off super bad. He keeps telling me to stay on meds longer to try them out. Like SEVEN times in a row he told me a long speech about doing that. It's gotten so annoying that I go to sleep and wake up pissed off at him. I'm thinking about getting a new psych. Bleh. So sick of that guy. I could try to tell him to stop but he's ike a maniac about pressuring me to keep taking pills. I don't think I can get through to him.

I smiled at nothing

I accomplished breathing

I am grateful for nothing, everything, breathing, holding breath, air, water, sand, stone, earth, grass, leaves

God bless

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@BuggThanks bugg

Positive: still alive

I'm all messed up from the covid vaccine. I feel sick and have chills. It's not a good feeling. I'm barely coming on here to post

I smiled at Kim sconvenience

I accomplished getting out of bed

I am grateful for kims, convenience, bed, getting out, health, vaccine, feeling better, peanut butter, apples, and bananas

God bless

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Positive: Back to 80%

Now I'm feeling much better after some sleep last night. I'd say I'm at least back to about 80%. Still feel a tiny bit messed up but I'm mostly good now. I'm gonna go driving in the snow today. Which is a little bit dangerous but I'll probably be alright. I've become slightly disenchanted by the dollar tree. While it's nice that everything is pretty cheap. I haven't really found and good food sources there. The microwave dinners have the most calories but they aren't so great. Oh well. At least the ice cream is good. Don't know if I'll buy one of those for triple net. Unfortunately there was only one triple new I found under 500k that was BBB rated. But there are like hundreds of them under 2mil. So basically you need like 800k for a down payment to buy a more legit NNN. That sucks because it'll take forever to get 800k. So I'm either going to have to buy a 500k NNN that doesn't have as good a lease, wait forever for 800k or buy houses in the meantime. Buying a house would possibly be some trouble as you gotta fix it. I don't have any other investing ideas though because I don't want to do stocks. I have extra time today so I'll check email and look at 2mil NNN's.

I smiled at CVS

I accomplished making breakfast even though I dropped and lost the spinach on accident

I am grateful for CVS, breakfast, feeling better, 80%, spinach, eggs, warmth, snow, snow plows, salt, snow brush thing

God bless

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Positive: Still able to work despite vaccine effects.

I'm still feeling drained and headache from the vaccine like 4 days later. They said younger people get a worse reaction, but I didn't know it was going to be this bad. I just want to stop feeling tired, achy and a headache already. It's gonna be a headache going to work and watching TV. For some reason TV is giving me a headache now, it sucks because that's like all I have to do. I guess I could browse NNN listings for fun. Seriously I hope these effects go away soon.

I ate some avocado in my breakfast sandwich today. It's kind of weird because I don't seem to like it that much anymore. I used to really like it, but nowadays not so much. I still like Chipotle guac though. Man I can't believe the vaccine is killing my TV watching time. That's like one of the things I really look forward to each day. Now I've got to deal with getting a headache from watching. Darn it. I don't really feel like exercising either because I'm so tired. I don't even know if I'd hold up under a walk today. The CDC says that side effects usually don't last more than 5 days but can go for up to a week in common trials. So if it's not gone after a week I'll start to get concerned. It's been like 4 days including the day I got the shot. It just reminds me of that story about a girl who got a flu vaccine and then she couldn't walk ever again because it messed her up. Makes me wonder if it's worth it to get vaccines at all.

I smiled at no vaccine

I accomplished getting up

I am grateful for vaccine, no vaccine, morning, waking, pop toy, atom, vornado, bacon, journal, and mask.

God bless

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Positive: Ever so slowly the effects of the vaccine are wearing off.

I'm getting a little more vigor back to me now. It's not much, but I feel a little more energetic than I did the day prior. I'm still getting headaches which sucks. But I'm hopeful that I'll fully recover from the vaccine. Although it's kind of difficult for me to hope for things nowadays. I just feel like I've hoped for so much that didn't happen for me it kind of exhausted my ability to hope for good things to happen. Yeah.

My morning client cancelled so I'm going to be editing and doing online trainings for work until 1pm when I go see my pm client. Thankfully they're giving me an extra hour to work with him today. Unfortunately it's gonna probably rain tomorrow and the client is so bad with the ADHD he can't really watch TV because he's too fidgety and stuff. I offered him 5$ if he'll watch with me but I don't know if it's gonna happen. If it doesn't he's just going to pressure me to play video games which sucks every time even though he does it almost every time I see him and doesn't ever relent even when I ask him to. Unchill. Well, I'm gonna drop the client if he won't watch TV with me on rainy days. Either that or they gotta pay me for not really working much on those days. I can't make him watch TV.

I smiled at crap

I accomplished eating

I am grateful for crap, eating, client, chill, TV, water, Bottle, pen, Pencil, mask, book,

God bless

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@DaBestSecond dose of maderna. It's said that maderna has more serious side effects than the other one. Still not feeling so good but it's getting a little better each day it seems.

Positive: Near the end of the week

I've opted to work Saturdays now too so I'm sort of like. Not really getting two days off per week anymore. It's too bad and probably contributes to burnout. But I'm not gonna do a full day Satruday. I'll only do a half day. So at least I get 1.5 days off per week. So that's something better. It's a compromise I guess. My client cancelled and didn't text me back when I asked to reschedule. Classic him. He often doesn't respond to texts. Only if he gets it within like 10 minutes of it sending. Otherwise he gets anxiety and doesn't want to text back if the text isn't fresh. Just some neurotic non-sense I deal with. I have my own stuff I deal with too.

My little kid client was getting under my skin lately. He just pisses me off in everything he does and says. Now that I'm reeling form the maderna it's like all his flaws are highlighted and right in my face whenever I talk to him. I just get so angry at him and think about telling him off as I lie in bed at night. Today's the last day of the week I'll have to deal with him then I get two days away from him. Hopefully the vaccine wears off some more in thsoe two days and my tolerance for his bullcrap goes up. He in a difficult person in all fairness to me. He never responds to anything you say to him and just ignores you. Asks a bunch of questions and expects you to respond elaborately. (totally rude and unfair behavior/expectations). Says rude offensive insulting things all the time to me and others. And talks to me like I'm his butler and even calls me his butler and just says, "I want to go to this place." Not "Can we go to this place or may we go." He's super unempathetic and inconsiderate of others.

Oh I almost forgot. I got a new job. It pays 67% more than my current job and I start Monday. They said they get a lot more referrals than my last job which had zero referrals. So we'll see how it all goes. I'll get my psych profile back up with their number on it and try to meet with a supervisor for my hours. Just try to get going in general.

I am struggling with nofap. It eludes me.

I smiled at jesus

I accomplished wearing a necklace

I am grateful for jesus, necklace, job, nofap, ms kim, mr mehta, raj, janet, jung, mr kim, kimchee,

God bless

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On 1/28/2021 at 3:14 PM, TheNewMe2.0 said:

@RealworlderGetting up earlier isn't going to stick. I just felt super tired and unhappy all day. unfortunately. I haven't been able to find a supervisor I feel comfortable with because of my disease. I get stressed out lose feeling in my leg and get acne from connecting with pretty much everyone. I feel like I'm kind of screwed here. I think I'm gonna have to cancel on my current supervisor leaving me with no one and back to interviewing peoplke. My life is messed up. I don't even know if they're gonna approve me at my work and if they do I don't know if the new sup will work with me and I do'nt know if they'll even give me a sup. There's just a ton of uncertainty around whether or not I'm gonna be able to even move towards my license. And even once I get it I don't know if I'll be able to handle the work that comes with it because I tried before and failed terribly. Just trying to work with my current sup has got me all stressed out this past week and that's part of why I don't htink I can ccontinue working with her. You can probably tell I'm not doing well.

Sorry to hear that, it is not easy to get up earlier. I am glad that the sunrise is now earlier than it was in winter so I can go for workout earlier as I used to do during summer and that felt amazing, especially during sunrise. That must be difficult. But I am sure there is a supervisor out there that you will be able to work with! Sorry to hear all that, it sounds stressful. Having such a bad supervisor must be terrible.

Thats awesome that you worked out a side job with your mom. Good to hear that you have a bit better relationship now too. I usually help out with work with my dad and it is always a great way to bond a bit more. Sorry to hear that you were feeling so off after the vaccine. Well at least you got it done. 

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Well, at least you are feeling better. Talk to your doctor if you aren't feeling better next week. I don't know if they are still tracking data on post-reaction side effects, but according to the Moderna Phase 3 study that was used in the Emergency Use Authorization, Grade 3 adverse events for headaches after the second dose occurred in 10% of all patients. So it's uncommon what happened to you but not rare. 

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@RealworlderYeah I bet it's much better having the sun out. It must be freezing to get up in the winter and go running in the mornings. I have actually found a supervisor I'm working with now. All I am waiting for now is to get approved for supervision by my work site. Which looks like it'll actually happen in mid Feb because my notes are getting better according to my supervisor. Work is mad stressful. I'm in the proccess of trying to report the office admin for being a jerk to me now. Hopefully she gets a good reprimanding and cuts the crap. Yeah actually working for my mom isn't so great. She's a hard butt and she takes the work way too seriously and like gets on my case about it sometimes. But it's not so bad I do get paid well. Vaccine is about done being bad to me. Maybe a few more days and I'll be back at 100%

@DaBestFrom what I looked up it said it was common for people to have side effects up to 7 days after the 2nd moderna shot. So according to that what I'm going through is normal. I guess we read different things.

Positive: last day of work week

Yeah working Saturdays sucks. But I guess it might be worth the hours/money to get it in. That extra three hours goes a long way on my paycheck and my supervision hours. We'll see if I can manage it without burning out. Blah.

I smiled at clouds

I accomplished laughing

I am grateful for clouds, laughter, kids, adolescents, adults, elders, me, you, all the good people, nice people,

God bless

 

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Positive: It's my one full day off this week.

Yes it's sad but true, I only get one full day off. But at least I get this one day. I miss Saturdays already. Sad face. I dunno maybe I'll just only work so few hours. They won't be happy at my new job if I only open up 3 hours to them. I guess I'll try to do it though. I can do six for them as long as my old job loses some hours. I can make it work kind of for now. I'm not feeling the new job at all. The office admin was a jerk to me bigtime and I'm trying to report her. But I don't know if reporting her is really going to change anything much. Meh. Life sucks right now. At least I'm lowering my medications. Just went down a half pill. And I'm ever so slowly recovering from vaccine. Today marks one week from when I got it and I'm still not feeling completely well. Looks like I've officially crested over into uncommonly long side effects land. It is slowly getting better though so maybe it'll go away completely eventually. My acne is getting worse from all the getting yelled at by jerk admins. So that sucks and makes me want to quit that job. My mom's being a jerk and extremely meanly telling me to not quit that job. But I guess once I get approved at my old job I can quit the new job. Although my old job isn't looking so good lately with my client physically abusing me and the other client getting discharged for cancelling too many sessions. I dunno maybe I can get the new job working. Stuffs all screwed up in my world today/right now. I hope and pray it gets better. I finally got the idea to scramble my eggs some on the pan so the yolk doesn't run everywhere when I make it into a sandwich. Genius idea.

I smiled at snow

I accomplished making my eggs not runny today.

I am grateful for snow, eggs, scrambled eggs, mom i guess, moms friend, editing job, dictionary, japanese, anime, and pink hair.

God bless

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Positive: recovering from vaccine

Doing a little better from the vaccine. So that's good. It's still lingering and bothering me but I do seem to be getting a little better each day. So it would make sense that I'll eventually fully recover. The headache and the irritability are the biggest problems. Plus the fatigue.

I'm getting acne from my new jobs. The editing job causes me acne. And the therapy job is causing me acne too when I have to talk to the mean admin my skin has been breaking out with new pimples for three days since talking to that mean lady. So that means everytime I have to talk to her I may end up breaking out in more acne. It really sucks to have this disorder. I'm not feeling very positive at all today. I've been feeling kind of suicidal again lately. I really want to quit the editing and therapy jobs but my mom is super mean to me and tells me I need to keep working those jobs no matter what. EVen if they cause me acne she doesn't care. I'm kind of miserable.

I smiled at one punch man

I accomplished eating my moms crappy omlette

I am grateful for one punch man, food, water, seltzer, cranberry, blackberry, tangerine, pomegranate, light and bartholomeu.

I'm making a list of things to live for because I think it might help with feeling depressed and suicidal.

Things to live for:

All my great TV shows that I can still watch.

Reading the bible

Eating breakfast and other meals

Desert and chocolate candy

Those good moments when it's nice being with clients

Nature

Hiking

The slim chance that I'll find love

The slim chance that once my medications are gone my disorders will clear up

Money because I like making money and saving a lot of money.

Retirement I want to make it to retirement early someday

Getting licensed. It's a crappy process but it would be awesome to actually make it someday

The possibility of working a good job as an LPC. I already got a job offer that's active once I get licensed and it pays well with someone I don't hate and could possibly stand working for.

Mom when she's nice to me.

Yoga and other forms of exercise that I do. Weightlifting, calisthenics and walking. Maybe I could even swim again one day, but I kind of doubt it and think it'll just cause me acne again too. But I might try it again anyways once I get off meds and see if it somehow takes away the acne.

journaling. Because that's nice. I like journaling. especially in my paper journal where no one else can read. I can really get my feelings out there.

Good surprises. Sometimes good things happen. Like getting a good new client.

Gamequitters. I have some good chats on here with people sometimes.

And that's it for now. Hopefully this list helped me and you feel more like living again.

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I like your list. It's important to remember the things that matter and bring us joy. It's a good reminder for myself too. Thank you.

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@DaBestYou're welcome. I'm glad you liked the list. I think it helped me too.

Positive: Got an okay nights sleep. Getting further away from the vaccine.

I slept okay. I got up in the middle of the night to send an email about how I didn't like my coworker who's mean to me at my new job. Hopefully the boss does something to make it right for me. I couldn't sleep because I kept thinking about her. But after the email I felt better and slept. I don't think I can handle working with her long term. It reminds me of when I did data entry and my superior was mean to me everyday and I had to ask her for help on work everyday. It was awful. I couldn't sleep well and dreaded seeing her everyday. This job is kind of shaping up to be like that because she's the point person for whenever I have a question about anything I have to ask her for help. I asked if there was an alternate person I could work with instead of the mean one. I kind of doubt there is but maybe I'll be lucky and get someone else. I'm getting further away from teh date that I got shot up. At this rate it feels like it's going to take forever before I feel back to normal if that day ever comes. I don't think I'm going to ever take a vaccine shot ever again. The side effects are worse than taking the risk of getting the disease for me. Although I am a therapist so i have to see a lot people. That puts me at a higher risk for catching diseases as they come out so maybe vaccines are a good idea for me. Darn it.

It looks so nice outside. I'd like to go hiking. My client doesn't want to hike though because the rocks mess up on his shoes. Sure is nice looking though. Maybe we can take a walk around the neighborhood. Oh I got food poinsoning yesterday from my moms home grown chives. We both threw up in the morning from them. It sucked. My stomach's still feeling sensitive. I'm thinking I might try a new job out and quit this other new job because I don't want to deal with the verbal abuse from that coworker. My mom's completely insensitive to my situation and demands that I tough it out. And there's always someone mean around you have to deal with.

I smiled at the tree

I accomplished eating avocado

I am grateful for tree, avocado, vornado, heaters, portable things, personal things, yoga mat, purple, butterflies and glass tables

God bless

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Positive: feeling okay today despite acne

Well yeah I'm feeling okay despite the acne. I think it might be because I'm lowering my meds. I feel a little bit more energetic or something. Hopefully it's not just that I'm so stressed out from the new jobs I'm hyperaroused. I think I got a new client today so that's good. My advertising seems to be going well. I really really hope and pray to God that this new job works out. Unlike the last one. I hope this job fills my schedule with hours and I make lots of hours towards my license. My job is causing acne when I talk to a certain person. I really hope that doesn't become a trend with my clients or I'm gonna have acne like 24/7. Maybe the acne will reduce when I'm off meds though I don't know. Also I'm getting acne from editing. Which sucks because other than that it's a decent side job. Oh well. Hope it all works out. I'm not gonna quit today because of acne anyways. My sister never quit despite having acne and neither did my mom's real estate agent who has pretty bad acne scarring. But is still successful. So they're my inspiration for not quitting despite getting some acne. It's still really tough to keep going btw.

I smiled at bunnies

I accomplished keeping my feets warm

I am grateful for bunnies, feets, warm, lemons, lemonade, clear skin, God, love, light, warmth, kindness

God bless

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On 2/6/2021 at 3:08 PM, TheNewMe2.0 said:

@RealworlderYeah I bet it's much better having the sun out. It must be freezing to get up in the winter and go running in the mornings. I have actually found a supervisor I'm working with now. All I am waiting for now is to get approved for supervision by my work site. Which looks like it'll actually happen in mid Feb because my notes are getting better according to my supervisor. Work is mad stressful. I'm in the proccess of trying to report the office admin for being a jerk to me now. Hopefully she gets a good reprimanding and cuts the crap. Yeah actually working for my mom isn't so great. She's a hard butt and she takes the work way too seriously and like gets on my case about it sometimes. But it's not so bad I do get paid well. Vaccine is about done being bad to me. Maybe a few more days and I'll be back at 100%

 

That's awesome news, let's see this supervision work out this time! Well it is not easy to work for parents but it is something to do I guess. Good to hear that you are feeling better after the vaccine. Being healthy and feeling that way is most important as everything else suck if you are not feeling good. It is really cold here atm but it should get warmer during weekend. However, I kinda like it though. It feels refreshing being outdoors when its this cold but I have not gone for run in this weather so I am not sure about that either. It might make breathing a lot harder but unless I go I won't know. 

Sorry to hear about that mean coworker. Must be rough, but I would say that you mom has point on this one though. There is always going to be someone like that more or less. It might be better to try to deal with them than to switch to a different job immediately. Good job on pushing through the acne. Would be best if it resolved but sometimes there is no way around it. It might just get better with time too. 

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@Realworlder Yeah I hope the supervision works out. I just met my new sup yesterday. He seemed okay. They took me off the parenting case thank God. I think I'm feeling better although the side effects don't seem to have completely worn off. It makes me wonder if they ever will. I like the cold too. I'm not looking forward to the summer when it's always hot. The mean coworker my boss said will stop talking to me once I'm onboarded as she's in HR. Hopefully the acne resolves yeah. I'm supposedly getting new body acne gel. I might change health insurance because my current provider only does therapy once every 6 weeks so I kind of want someone more often maybe. Hope you're doing well friend.

Positive: eating greek yogurt

Yep I'm getting my probiotics in. Just bought an 18 pack of oikos triple zero yogurt from costco. It's legit. It's flavored and sugar free. The best of both worlds. So I can cheat and eat some sugar later muahah. I got to get to editing. Which sucks becuase I think it's bad for my skin. But it's great because I just work from home and get paid 25 an hour cash. Of course I kind of round up when it's like 0.5 hours to 1 hour so I'm getting a little more really. My mom said she might even give me a bonus once we're done with a lot of the work depending on how much she gets paid. That'd be cool. More money is always nice.

I got 3 new clients by wednesday so that's really good for therapy referrals. Hopefully I get more today and tomorrow. I'm hoping to get 15 hours within 5 weeks. Averaging 3 clients a week that I actually retain. That would be clutch. Had my first session yesterday. It went okay. I got the anxiety that causes mild insomnia from it. But I get that from interactions with most people unfortunately. I'm hoping it might get better once I'm off meds. I'm not sure though, it could just be a life long ailment. That's gonna make it uncomfortable when I start trying to date. Well, wish me luck. Hope you're doing well.

I smiled at frogs

I accomplished eating yogurt

I am grateful for frogs, kermit, piggy, bear, yogurt, polar bear, heater, heater remote, bookmark and socks.

God bless

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Positive: made it through the night with some sleep

I was stressed out last night over my new job. Hopefully I don't have anymore nights like that. It only took a few emails to get working on the problems. But I was getting spotty sleep thinking about all the emails I'd have to write the next day. Oh well. Gonna do some stuff to get the ball rolling at my job today. Then I'll possibly see a client and get some chill time in finally. Still gotta work tomorrow because of some scheduling crap. But whatever it's a half day and the mom talked to the client about not poking me so maybe he'll stop. Honestly I'm so stressed out by my job that I think about quitting and just working my old job even though it's worse pay. I guess I'll wait till I find out if they approve me for hours anyways.

I smiled at trees

I accomplished getting up

I am grateful for trees, good mornings, warm afternoons, sunny evenings, long walks, push ups, squats, pull ups, crunches and planks.

God bless

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Don't worry, the side effects will definitely wore off but it might take some more time till all of them are gone. Good to hear that you are getting well with your supervisor now, let's hope it stays that way but if he seems okay it should be fine. It is hard to do anything when its too hot in the summer, but then I do like the summer as going out for a swim with friends is always a great fun. I feel you on the acne I had some break out over last few days too, I am pretty sure it was because my diet was shit and I had quite a bit of McDonalds and Dominos, it is already getting better now that I am back on good food. Good job on getting more clients. It is always hard to sleep when there is something stressful on our minds. I had a few nightmares about exams even though I have none, I think it is because I need to do a online quiz for my PhD application haha.

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Yeah I just gotta ask him to set up our first session now and get a contract going. I just like to sit in the AC during summer. Swimming sounds nice though especially with friends. Good food can affect your skin that's good to know. It's totally a stress thing for me. I get acne and can't sleep well. Ya what we're stressed about shows up in our dreams often times. I just hope both our stress stays manageable and we can get done with what we've set out to do. I am getting a lot of clients though. I got like 8 people interested last week and it's considered good to get like 2-5.

Positive: Finishing out the week

I'm working my old job shift this morning. I just put in my two weeks notice with them. The old job is so much less stressful it feels like nothing compared to the new job. But the new job pays 67% more an hour and it's better for my resume. Also it's proving grounds because if I can manage to work this job and be reasonably okay then I'll be looking at a well paid successful career as a therapist. Instead of a poorly paid dead end career as a community based counselor. We'll see what happens. I had 3 clients yesterday and got some acne and not great sleep. I have to do 6 hours 4 days a week and a 7 hour day on Friday but that will be mostly supervision and seeing my own therapist with 2 clients in the morning so.  It's about 26 sessions a week with 3 hours supervision and I'm looking to find a therapist for me totaling 30 hours of doing stuff per week. It's not too bad a schedule I've cooked up. If it goes off without a hitch I'll be looking at my license in about 1.5 years. Which would be 'quick' to get it if you didn't count my miserable 1.5 years I worked without any hours counting due to management at work not liking me or helping me.

I smiled at MHA

I accomplished drawing deku

I am grateful for MHA, deku, midoriya, bakugo, all might, uraraka, toad girl, grape boy, hardening guys, tape guy

God bless

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Positive: Stress free Sunday

Well I'm removing and doing nothing that stressed me out this Sunday and hopefully every Sunday forever. I want to make Saturday stress free too. Where I just won't do anything stressful so I can recover to the max on the weekend. I still get texts and email notifications from work which I wish I could turn off but I don't know how to use outlook right now. But I'm just ignoring those words until Monday. They can sit and rot in the inbox for a day I don't care it's my stress free Sunday yeah. I'm gonna workout legs shower. Then walk for like 5000 steps or more and do some yoga too. It's gonna be great. Maybe I'll do the yoga before the steps. Yesterday I was feeling really depressed and anxious becase I didn't think I'd make it at work (still don't know but that's a different story). So I said to myself, if I can walk 4000 steps inside the house then I'll make it at work. And I got going and it was difficult to walk. But then I started to try and push myself a little. Once I got going it was actually difficult to stop until my joints got tired. I ended up doing 10,000 steps. It was great and I felt much better mentally. Then I meditated and finally calmed down from the week.

I'm scared that I'm going to just become so overwhelmed with anxiety that I won't sleep at all at night and that'll prevent me from doing my job because I'll be too tired. So I'm moving the schedule ahead on my medication reduction. I'm dropping half a pill a week instead of every 2 weeks. It's twice as fast but my Dr. originally said to drop 1 pill every two weeks. So this is in line with that it's just doing half once a week instead of one every 2 weeks. So in a way it's more gradual I suppose. It's the same amount to decrease per two week period though. I'm doing it because there's a good chance that reducing my risperdal will eventually allow me to sleep less. So the faster I can decrease it the better chance I have of being able to deal with the insomnia that I'm encountering from work stress. It's kind of a desperate move. But I'm in a tight spot and I couldn't think of anyting else to do to increase my chance of surviving this next week.

I changed my schedule so it's 1030-130 and 2-5. Instead of 3-6. I didn't want to work later. I want to get to recovering from work as soon as possible so I have a better chance at actually getting some sleep after I wind down. Plus I can meditate and exercise more which might help sleep too. I'm really giving this job my all. I hope and pray to God that it works out and I make it to full time without falling apart. Since I'm not doing anything stressful I have so much chill time today. My mom's working so I don't have much to do with her either. I might drive 40 minutes to a Ramen shop that I like. I'd order the chicken ramen with extra chicken. Yum. I'd also like to go to Walmart and buy some cheese.

My mom got a special deal on vases. She got two big ones for 35. She says they're worth like 200-300 each. So she's really happy about it. She talks a lot about her vases. It's kind of a struggle for me to stay nice and respectful of her crap. But I'm doing my best to be supportive of her hobby. I mean it is great that she's able to make hundreds of dollars on some of these items. It's just difficult for me to care about fancy pots sometimes though. I like having them around I just tire of being like, 'yeah that's a good deal you got there. The pots are nice.' Oh well, she'll probably stop talking about it soon enough or sell them. I wonder if I'll go to get ramen today. Driving is a little stressful but it'd be nice to get ramen you know.

I smiled at @Icandothis

I accomplished eating avocado

I am grateful for Icandothis, avocado, vornado, fan, plastic, gray, white, red, blue, green, yellow, purple,

God bless

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