Jump to content
×
×
  • Create New...

Recommended Posts

7 hours ago, TheNewMe2.0 said:

No I haven't watched it yet. I was just gonna wait for it to come to crunchy roll and watch it all at once probably. My new friend likes it so maybe we'll just rewatch the whole thing together if she's down. Getting off the meds is going well so far. I just wish I could go faster but I'm at max speed. In three weeks I'll be off them completely. I'm a chicken and turkey person mostly. I'll usually only eat beef and pork when I go out. I'm hoping things get better once I'm off meds. Sleep, skin anxiety etc. That's good you're being more productive. I'm getting more hours at work too.

Oh, I see. Well you have a lot to look forward to haha. It is always nice to watch shows with someone. No need to rush, especially if that can have negative side effects so better take all the time you need. I quite like beef, I do not use port that much but it is nice to mix things up. Lately I have been including more organ meats into my diet and I think it is a great way to get a lot of nutrients although I am aware that lot of people do not like the flavor. This job seems pretty good so do not worry about it too much, on top of that getting hours is the main thing, once you get licensed then you can look for a pay upgrade I would say.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 900
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

Hello, My clean date is 11/25/19. This is My Story.  It’s 11/14/19 and I decided to recommit to quit today after just thirty minutes of gaming. I was having a hard time dealing with the fact

Positive: I'm 1 year free of video games. Yes that's right. I have not played games for a year now. It's pretty amazing. I don't have much time so maybe tomorrow I'll put up a post where I tag ev

Day 270 NP 232 Np 223 Med 208 NF 108 Positive:  Yeah. You can see me celebrating 9 months clean there. In other news. Even though I'm down to 3mg risperdal I'm still sleeping 13+ hours a da

Posted Images

Posted (edited)

@RealworlderTotally, watching shows with someone else makes it so much more enjoyable. I feel like I can watch for a lot longer. When I'm by myself I'm always getting up to exercise instead. Although that's probably a good thing. Yaeh I'll be off risperdal completely this sunday I'm hoping to see some sleep improvement. I may already be seeing weight loss, I think I'm down 5 lbs if the scale isn't malfunctioning. I hear organ meats are really healthy for you. I just never eat them, hehe. Yeah you're right about the job. I'll try not to worry too much about it. Virgo's can have a tendency to overthink and worry too much about stuff. It's not perfect but it may just work out fine anyways. Good to see you posting my friend.

Edited by TheNewMe2.0
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Positive: still working I guess

I am starting supervision at work so that's good I can count that hour each week. I'm still waiting on my other sup to set up an appt and it's been like over a week waiting on her. So I'm kind of concerned that she's not gonna get around to it soon enough she's taking too long for me. It's not good. I'm still feeling super uncomfortable with Xiao (the girl I met). I'm gonna keep trying with ehr and see if it gets betteer but man these days have not been kind to me. Stressed and tired and some insomnia it sucks. Hope it gets better. I get this sort of 'anxiety' with a lot of new people I meet. I'm sticking it out a while because sometimes I feel the dark energy from them but it gets better over time or something happens with us and it improves. /like my old therapist who I thought might be evil but I asked her if she considered herself to be on the good side or the bad side and she said she felt like she was more good. And after that I felt comfortable with her. Maybe something like that will happen with xiao. God help me. I gotta take metamucil 4 scoops a day because of constipation. The constipation from the risperdal hasn't worn off yet. Can't wait till Sunday when I totally get off it. I'm hoping for some improvements soon after. GEtting a chair today

I smiled at naruto

I accomplished getting up

I am grateful for naruo, getting up, mornings, mom, sunshine, new day, warmth, glow, effort, caring, good energy,

God bless

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 3/3/2021 at 3:14 PM, TheNewMe2.0 said:

Totally, watching shows with someone else makes it so much more enjoyable. I feel like I can watch for a lot longer. When I'm by myself I'm always getting up to exercise instead. Although that's probably a good thing. Yeah I'll be off risperdal completely this sunday I'm hoping to see some sleep improvement. I may already be seeing weight loss, I think I'm down 5 lbs if the scale isn't malfunctioning. I hear organ meats are really healthy for you. I just never eat them, hehe. Yeah you're right about the job. I'll try not to worry too much about it. Virgo's can have a tendency to overthink and worry too much about stuff. It's not perfect but it may just work out fine anyways. Good to see you posting my friend.

It definitely is, lately I have been rewatching quite a few shows with a friend and it is super nice. Also she has not seen some of them so it's cool to see her reactions to certain scenes haha. Awsome! That's great to hear. Seems like it is going well. Are you already seeing some sleep improvements with just the lowered dose? That's pretty good, do you want to lose some more? Yes they are, they are probably the most nutrient dense foods out there. I do the same sometimes too, I tend to worry about my work too and lot of times it is just things in my head that if I think about it logically are pretty easy to resolve. Sometimes it is just the anxiety and stress that makes it seem like much bigger deal than it might actually be in reality. It is good to post regularly again. I did skip yesterday but that day was not the greatest but I am happy that I managed to get things on the right tracks again. I would say that just give it some time as you mentioned yourself, if you get to know her a bit better you might feel more comfortable with her. What kind of chair are you getting? 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

@RealworlderYa maybe I'll be tv watching with her soon. No sleep improvements yet. Though I feel a little stronger when I workout. I want to lose like 15 lbs and get down to 170 or 165 even. I despise ruminating on things. I keep trying to practice mindfulness to like get rid of the thoughts. I'm still trying with her. We texted like everyday since meeting it's been a bit much for me. But not like totally unbearable to where I want to stop. I got this chair that's like a piece of a sectional couch they weren't using. It's just a chair no arms or reclining but it's leather and it's comfy.

Positive: It's Friday and I deadlifted 175

So that's good it's friday. I'm not going to do crap this weekend for work. I don't care let the emails pile up over the weekend I'm not answering till Monday. I deadlifted `175x5 yesterday even though I felt tired and like I didn't want to try. I tried anyways and actually did it. So I'll be attempting 185 next week hopefully. That would be cool because I haven't done that much weight since like 10 years ago in college. I know it's not super impressive powerlifting number but it's good for me. If I could get up to 225 I'd be very happy with that. Also my weight has gone down from 183-186 to 178. So I lost about 5 lbs since walking more and lowering my medication dose. I gained like 15 or so lbs when I got on this med so if I can lose 10 more that'd be great. Looking forward to finally being off risperdal in two days. Going on a date or hangout whatever with xiao tomorrow. I don't expect it to be comfortable. But I'm hopeful that once I get off risperdal my experience with her might start to improve. Here's hoping. I got editing to do for my mom. She's paying me well for it. It's just tedious work to like sift through 90 pages looking for errors. But whatever I could definitely use the money as I'm only getting 12 hours a week right now at my job. It's slowed down since I'm taking only adults but I still got two new clients last week so that's something. I hope I get at least 2 more clients next week or I'm gonna have to bite the bullet and see kids. Which would suck because I like adults only for therapy. Don't know how I'm going to deal with my own kids if I have them.

I smiled at kids

I accomplished graduating school

I am grateful for kids, school, graduating, being done, coasting, new clients, more hours, more money, slow and steady and god

God bless

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Positive: I went on a date and didn't die

Okay so I mean I felt kind of uncomfortable because of the dark energy. And that caused me to sleep not as well. But I still slept. And I guess I had a decent time. It was kind of enjoyable to see her in some ways. We walked 15k and ate some Japanese food which was pretty tasty although it gave me a minor stomach ache this morning. Maybe the chicken was a little undercooked Idk. We actually talked about serious stuff some at the end of the date she started asking about my religion and I asked about her previous relationships. It was kind of intense for me. But I think it's good to like understand and get that stuff out in the open early on so you don't get attached to someone who was just gonna leave because you weren't the right religion or have the same flaws as their ex or whatever. She seems to be interested in me. She wanted to stay out longer when I tried to leave early hehe. And she was relatively nice so I guess I might go on a second date. I feel a slight obligation to give it a try because our parents like brought us together at our first meeting so it's kind of like arranged I guess. And you don't get that many of those set ups very often around here.

I smiled at the nice rug

I accomplished substituting sandwich meat in my breakfast sando

I am grateful for nice rug, blue, flowers, pots, vases, leaves, reeds, curly things, turkey, first dates

God bless

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 3/5/2021 at 3:19 PM, TheNewMe2.0 said:

Ya maybe I'll be tv watching with her soon. No sleep improvements yet. Though I feel a little stronger when I workout. I want to lose like 15 lbs and get down to 170 or 165 even. I despise ruminating on things. I keep trying to practice mindfulness to like get rid of the thoughts. I'm still trying with her. We texted like everyday since meeting it's been a bit much for me. But not like totally unbearable to where I want to stop. I got this chair that's like a piece of a sectional couch they weren't using. It's just a chair no arms or reclining but it's leather and it's comfy.

I am sure there will be more noticeable improvements once your are off them completely but even that might take a few days after that. Mindfulness should be a great way to help with that, otherwise what works for me is to work on something, or do something that takes my mind of those kind of thoughts. Seems like things are going well, even though it might be difficult to open up more, I would say that it is necessary for a relationship to work. As long as you have a good time I do not think that it matters how you met. On top of that it seems like a great opportunity considering the ongoing pandemic and lack of social contact with people anyway. 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

@RealworlderHehe I'm probably gonna give this relationship the axe. I feel dark energy from her and it makes me feel really uncomfortable and I just don't want to deal with it anymore. I gave it a week and a date. That was more than enough to make a judgement on this. It's not gonna work. I don't think her energy is gonna get better. She had a lot of good things about her but I just can't deal with the bad energy. It was making me get all kinds of negative symptoms. Insomnia, acne, feeling cold and clammy, stressed all the time etc. Enh. Whatever. I'll just be happy to get away from her so I can calm down more. I've been getting bad intrusive thoughts about things. I'm gonna try to make some changes to like get rid of them. I dunno if I'll ever meet someone with my like inability to deal with most peoples energy problem.

Positive: feeling better now I've pretty much decided to stop seeing this girl

As you can read in my post above I'm not gonna keep seeing her probably. It's too bad I really wanted it to work out and tried my best to give it a chance. But I think it just wasn't meant to be. Maybe the Asians will send me more girls to try. But I don't feel like my chances are very good because of my people disorder. Which means I feel peoples energy and I don't like most of their energy so I just like can't be around most people even if there's like a mutual attraction and other positives between us. Which sucks and I thought maybe once I got off meds ti would be better. But it doesn't seem like that's the case. Now I'm off risperdal I literally feel no different aside from being a little more energetic. Really wish I could fix my energy problem but I guess I just have to submit myself to its whims. I don't have any other choice. To go against the grain and force myself to deal with the dark energy only makes me lose my mind and become unable to function pretty quickly. But God doesn't give you more than you can handle. So I guess he'll give me a life that's livable perhaps.

I smiled at God

I accomplished breathing

I am grateful for God, the breath, ujayi breathing, breath of fire, pranayama, prana, good energy, love, light, healthy connection

God bless

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Positive: I survived yesterday.

So two really messed up things happened yesterday. I realized we have fleas yet again from the same darn client giving them to me. And seeing a certain new client caused me to get severe chills all night and into today and I'm still getting chills as I write this. I feel all dried out and clammy and cold and tired. It's really awful and I'm gonna try to get him transferred. Also I'm gonna bug bomb and wash everything. And never go back to that clients house now that I'm not working with them anymore. I don't know what the heck is going on there but every time I go over I get fleas from their darn dog. I don't understand how they don't get bitten or are they getting bitten and jut not caring?

My poor mom hurt her back again moving furniture for her business.

On the upside I did 45 minnutes yoga and 44 meditation yesterday. Now that Im not walking due to a knee injury I'm gonna try for yoga everyday at least 30 minutes. And maybe 44 mins meditation too why not I have more time now that I'm not walking. TV as well more.

I smiled at mom

I accomplished making it thru the night

I am grateful for mom, night, thru, god, suffering for a good cause, long term gain, transfer, training, money, job,

God bless

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 3/8/2021 at 3:11 PM, TheNewMe2.0 said:

Hehe I'm probably gonna give this relationship the axe. I feel dark energy from her and it makes me feel really uncomfortable and I just don't want to deal with it anymore. I gave it a week and a date. That was more than enough to make a judgement on this. It's not gonna work. I don't think her energy is gonna get better. She had a lot of good things about her but I just can't deal with the bad energy. It was making me get all kinds of negative symptoms. Insomnia, acne, feeling cold and clammy, stressed all the time etc. Enh. Whatever. I'll just be happy to get away from her so I can calm down more. I've been getting bad intrusive thoughts about things. I'm gonna try to make some changes to like get rid of them. I dunno if I'll ever meet someone with my like inability to deal with most peoples energy problem.

Sorry to hear that, but well if that's how you feel and makes you feel better than it might be good. Isn't there anything you can do about her energy? I am sure that is someone who you will be able to connect without experiencing negative symptoms. 

Sounds like you had a rough day yesterday, the fleas are really annoying but at least now you know how to get rid of them pretty quickly. Well at least now they won't return back from the client as you won't visit. Good job on the long meditation and yoga. I want to get more into yoga and stretching again too. It is a super useful habit. 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

@RealworlderI don't know if there's something I can do to fix her energy. I tried to just tough it out for a week but it was making me feel like uncomfortable 24/7 and I didn't want to feel like I was dead inside anymore. I hope you're right and there is someone that I can meet that I won't experience negative symptoms with. The only person I have that relationship with now is my mom. Everyone else I pretty much feel at least a little uncomfortable with. I've been on bumble for like 2 days I'm probably gonna get off by the end of the week. But that means I'll be back to having like no avenues for meeting girls. Unless the Asians pair me up with someone again. It's really too bad because me and xiao really both seemed to be trying to make it work. And we were both attracted to each other. Eh. What're you gonna do. Maybe my energy disorder will get better and I can hit her up again in the far future Idk. Yeah no more visiting that client. The med and yoga are great but they don't burn enough calories. I was losing weight when I was walking. I'm gonna try using a treadmill on Sunday and see if my knee holds up. Then maybe get an at home treadmill and get back to losing weight.

Positive: lots of work today

I have 6 sessions today which is my current max for a day. That's a lot of chillling and talking. But I hope it all goes well enough. I'll be making good money on this day if everyone shows up for session. I'm kind of laid up on the couch for at least this week. No walking for me. Just resting. I can still do yoga and weights but Idk I miss the feeling I would get from walking a long distance. Ah. Well maybe I can get to 45 minutes yoga today that'd be nice.

I smiled at feeling a little better

I accomplished doing yoga

I am grateful for better, little, yoga, jesus, THS, bible, prov 31, horses, riding, grass, dirt, cushion

God bless

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Positive: I did 40 mins of yoga yesterday

So everything is going to heck. One of the new clients gave me chills that have lasted for three days and counting (very uncomfortable). I stopped seeing them I got off Bumble just getting rid of anything that's causing me any stress so that I can hopefully survive increasing my caseload to 25 a week successfully. Seeing six clients yesterday took it's toll. I was hurting at night getting chills and hot feeling sweating. It was very uncomfortable. But hopefully it gets better. There's a chance it will improve over time and not be permanent. The yoga made my skin feel softer, eat less and feel more able to chug water and maybe even not masturbate. So that's all good. This is like my only exercise is yoga and a little bit of weights now. God willing I'll be able to keep up with the yoga without injuries. This is my first week off risperdal we'll see how long it takes for the somnolence to subside. Still sleeping 13h. Got a dentist appt today and group sup so no clients. It's an easier day so yay for me. I'll get to chill some today. The antibiotics are working on my acne I just hope they have a lasting effect. I switched health insurance to Cigna because healthkeepers had almost no therapists in network on PT. Really miss walking and talking to clients on the phone. That was so nice when I got to do that. Ah. So I guess with my free time I'll watch the Flash and get my yoga and deadlifting in for the day. I'm probably gonna wait about 2 weeks or more before trying out my knee on a treadmill. This could last months before the knee is able to handle walking again. But when it can I am thinking about getting a treadmill if after trying treadmills my knee doesn't hurt after 10k on one.

I smiled at Flash doll

I accomplished getting thru the night

I am grateful for my job, flash doll, getting through things, god, water, chugging, knee, yoga, deadlift and Cam.

God bless

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 3/10/2021 at 3:12 PM, TheNewMe2.0 said:

I don't know if there's something I can do to fix her energy. I tried to just tough it out for a week but it was making me feel like uncomfortable 24/7 and I didn't want to feel like I was dead inside anymore. I hope you're right and there is someone that I can meet that I won't experience negative symptoms with. The only person I have that relationship with now is my mom. Everyone else I pretty much feel at least a little uncomfortable with. I've been on bumble for like 2 days I'm probably gonna get off by the end of the week. But that means I'll be back to having like no avenues for meeting girls. Unless the Asians pair me up with someone again. It's really too bad because me and xiao really both seemed to be trying to make it work. And we were both attracted to each other. Eh. What're you gonna do. Maybe my energy disorder will get better and I can hit her up again in the far future Idk. Yeah no more visiting that client. The med and yoga are great but they don't burn enough calories. I was losing weight when I was walking. I'm gonna try using a treadmill on Sunday and see if my knee holds up. Then maybe get an at home treadmill and get back to losing weight.

That's fair enough, no point forcing yourself if it makes you miserable. Could you maybe talk more online or do you get the bad energy even that way? It does sounds rough. Good luck with the treadmill that will be nice to get some more exercise again. Still the yoga sounds great! Good job with the work, but it's good to be aware of the stress and the workload so you do not burnout. 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

@RealworlderI get the bad energy even from a single text message and it lasts like for hours from just that. When I saw her in person it lasted over 24 hours. It is rough. I don't know if I'm ever gonna make it in my career or get married. I do hope to treadmill it up someday. The yoga is good. Yeah I'm only working like 14 hours right now and FT is considered 25 so I'm a little ways off I'm not even up to speed yet.

Positive: knee stopped hurting last night

It was hurting while I went to bed but it stopped hurting through the night so that's good. I'm just trying to exercise however I can while this injury is here. Work around it. It's my last work day for the week so that's good. Got four session two new cleints today. Gotta send mail to medicaid stating I don't want it anymore. And I don't know what I'm doing with my health insurance. I'm either going to keep healthkeepers or switch back to kaiser. Yeah we'll see. My mom's like all upset at someone on the phone over her taxes. She probably has a good reason though. She'll fight her way through this type of thing with the people on the phone and try to get her money. My knee started hurting when I was just stretching my calf yesterday. So that was kind of scary don't know if I'll be doing any warrior poses now. Looking to get my deadlift in today. I can only do it when my tenant is out of the house. So I just look for her car to be gone and go down there. Couldn't do it yesterday. Not feeling much like writing today. Not feeling much like doing anything really. Still kind of bummed about xiao. I wonder if she felt any remorse at my leaving or was just like whatever. I don't have energy to spare for girls now anyways. It's crunch time for my job. I need to do everything I can to make it work until I'm at capacity. Going back to Kaiser will suck because I can only see a therapist 5x a year max. But I'm kind of comfortable with the staff there so that's what's making me want to do it again. Haven't found a therapist through healthkeepers and don't feel comfortable with the energy from cigna or united. Jeez my mom's really going off on the phone. I gotta retreat to my office. It's stressful listening to her. I don't know if I want to keep trying with healthkeepers or do kaiser. . . hmm. I feel like kaiser is less stress so I'll probably go with that.

I smiled at pikachu

I accomplished reading

I am grateful for all might, deku, uraraka, remotes, pens, pencils, paper, drawing, coloring, people

God bless

Edited by TheNewMe2.0
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Positive: Still trying to quit masturbating

So uh I pretty much felt like I gave up last night with nofap. And I masturbated like 7 times. then I finally was like try to stop. And I stopped. That may be hte most I've ever masturbated. I guess I have like sex and masturbation addiction or something. I dunno if I can get help for this or what. Maybe I'll try and post on nofap Idk. Crap. I'm pretty tired of trying though. Tired of doing it too. Idk what to do. Also we might have bedbugs. Getting an inspection on Monday. That's not good. Still getting new clients hopefully most of them take and I can handle seeing them. Still getting the chills 5 days after the initial incident that caused them. Somnolence and weight gain are at a standstill 5 days post getting off Risperdal. Another week and I'll be off all psychotropics. Maybe then I'll see some improvement in my symptoms. Been doing CBT and pros cons in my journal lately. Feels kind of good. I'll do one on masturbating today. Going back to Kaiser the services were so so but the energy was better so. Gotta cater to my energy disorder. I wish I never did substances or games I bet I wouldn't have developed all these disorders that I have. Instead it's a nearly impossible struggle just to hold a job and pursue a wife.

I smiled at peanut butter

I accomplished setting up water filter

I am grateful for peanut butter, water filter, brita, spring water, 365, mud, dirt, grass, dry, wet

God bless

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 3/12/2021 at 3:13 PM, TheNewMe2.0 said:

I get the bad energy even from a single text message and it lasts like for hours from just that. When I saw her in person it lasted over 24 hours. It is rough. I don't know if I'm ever gonna make it in my career or get married. I do hope to treadmill it up someday. The yoga is good. Yeah I'm only working like 14 hours right now and FT is considered 25 so I'm a little ways off I'm not even up to speed yet.

That is quite unfortunate. I hope that you find someone who does not give you bad energy. Don't worry mate you will get up to speed soon I am sure! It's quite hard with no fap, I think it is quite natural to have sex drive and completely stopping requires tons of self control. You should look at the positive of how long you were able to stay nofap and not beat yourself over relapsing. This stuff happens, now you know that you will be able to got longer next time. 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks man. I hope so one day too for all of it to work out. I spent some time on the nofap site. I didn't really like it but I feel like I got some important information and actually managed not to masturbate last night. Yeah I'll find a way to nofap. Maybe I'll look at the site once a week or something.

Positive: did not fap last night

So that was kind of difficult. But I read a bunch of posts on nofap.com and posted a journal there too and read like 9 pages of some book on nofap. And some articles. I didn't really feel comfortable doign it but I managed to nofap last night. So Idk I don't really want to go back on their site but I guess if I have to once in a while to maintain nofap I'll do it. Yeah. Tried to deadlift last night. That didn't go well, my knee isn't able to handle it. Hope my back holds up while my knee recovers. The deadlift is usually the only thing keeping me from back pain. I can't put my hand on the floor for yoga anymore. I'm trying to do wrist rehab but I feel like I'm never gonna be able to do a push up again. And that's a pretty realistic assessment of how bad my wrist is. There are people who have it worse than me though. Even with all my injuries disorders and side effects. My loneliness etc. I have my yoga and workouts pretty much all planned out to work around my injuries. So I'll still get some exercise in even if it's not as high quality and muscle building as it would be if my injuries weren't here. I just wish I'd never done kickboxing then I wouldn't have all these injuries and could do yoga no problem. We're going to lunch with mom's friends. I'll probably get uncomfortable energy from them but there's that slim chance it will be okay. Also I'll probably get a stomach ache from the food as I've a sensitive stomach. I guess I'll still go though eh

I smiled at mom

I accomplished nofap

I am grateful for mom, nofap, pb, j, rug, floor, yoga mat, manduka, pictures, paintings, frames, degrees

God bless

Link to post
Share on other sites

Positive: Nofap day 2 successful

I don't really like the energy from their site or the book on nofap. But they're helping me to nofap so. I guess I'll just hit and run like I did with AA. And go back to them when I'm struggling a lot to nofap. I don't know what else to do. I don't want to take on the added stress I get from going on their website. This website isn't really as geared towards nofap very few people post about it. Also my mom has been dragging me along on her 5 hour car rides picking up random junk. I'm done with it taking away my weekend rest time from me. From now on I'm going to stay home and only go out with her if she agrees to run just the errands I want to run and nothing else. Maybe one other thing at most but no more pickup stuff only closeby errands like home depot or H mart. None of which I Can do anyways until my knee is better. I got a knee brace yesterday per the dr. But it caused my knee to feel intense pain after wearing for a bit. So I guess I'm just gonna do without it. I don't want to put on this thing that makes my pain even worse. I'm only working upper body and doing nothing with my legs. Most of my time this week will be spent sitting on the couch. I plan to get through a lot of The Flash rerun 3 and then I'm gonna go watch Supergirl again probably. The new seasons of Flash and Supergirl are being released on CWTV.com right now. It's great. I'm gonna watch me some new episodes. Wow. That's awesome. I'm kind of excited now. I don't want to crouch over by the TV to set up the HDMI to my laptop though because it might aggravate my knee so I'll just watch them on my laptop for now. That's not so bad. Wish me well.

I smiled at fire

I accomplished being warmer

I am grateful for fire, warmth, summer, spring, winter, fall, god, me, wife, children, family, friends

God bless

Link to post
Share on other sites

Positive: Nofap day 3

It was kind of difficult. I had dreams about a sexual interaction with a woman. But we didn't have sex in the dream I like woke up before that happened. I decided I don't want to have any lustful thoughts. No thoughts about sex, or even kissing or cuddling. I'll just do my best to not think about them or think about something else when they come up. To not engage in fantasizing at all. I figure if I get a girlfriend and thus permit cuddling and kissing then that'll happen then and I won't have to fantasize about it and the same goes for sex without ejaculation with my wife if I get married. So this way I'll be able to keep my thoughts pure and not get tempted into masturbation. I'm still like in this push and pull with nofap/brahmacharya. I feel like the book and the site are causing me stress and possibly even acne which is really not good. But they're allowing me to not masturbate which is a big deal. I'm hoping maybe I can mess with them until I finish the book in like two weeks and then take a break indefinitely from the site/book. Like when I read the bible through and I still retain a lot of goodness from it. Although I still read the proverbs hm.

I smiled at Solomon

I accomplished reading prov

I am grateful for Solomon, Proverbs, grace, mercy, love, kindness, compassion, minfulness, non judgment, and flexibility.

God bless

Link to post
Share on other sites

Positive: I'm curing my yoga mat

So the Manduka pro takes like forever to 'break in'. It'll be slippery till then. But I have a couple good yoga towels I can use for the time being. Maybe after months it'll break in and I won't need the towel. I'm doing like a ton of 'salt cures' where you leave salt on the mat and rub it in and wipe it off with warm water towel. We'll see if it works. That's basically what everyone does to make it break in. But supposedly once it's broken in it'll be like the best mat ever and last for life so. That'd be cool. I'm back on ibuprofen because my knee has been hurting. It sucks. My moms back is messed up too. So we're both injured right now. I'm still gonna do some floor poses today for yoga. But no strengthening or balance poses. I feel like those risk reinjuring my knee. No deadlifting for me for now either. Ugh. Well at least I can still do my job. Got 5 hours today. 1 short of a full day. Had two relatively successful new clients come in this week so that's good. Just trying to keep on going and make it to 25 hours a week with 3 hours a week supervision. Then I'll be on track to apply for my license within 1.5 years almost exactly.

One of the things I'm looking forward to today is actually drinking water. I really enjoy drinking 80oz + per day. It's nice for some reason. I feel accomplished. My constipation isn't doing so great so I hope that it clears up more. I would think it would as I'm getting off the psychotropics. Sunday I'll be drug free. Gonna try for a new derm and a new therapist once I get back to Kaiser and to see a orthopedist for my wrist/knee. Been paper journaling and doing CBT/pros cons in it. That's going alright. I miss brahmacharya but it was causing me acne and insomnia so it kind of had to go. I don't think it's a good idea to keep reading it. I'll hopefully be able to stop masturbating without it. 'But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality.' God willing one day I'll make a lot of money and have over a year clean off masturbating. And not dwell on sexual thoughts either. Pure mind. No ejaculation unless it to make kids and only 2x a week sex with wife.

I smiled at sex with wife

I accomplished reading bible

I am grateful for wife, sex, bible, god, life, love, kings, queens, princes, princesses, gods, goddesses

God bless

Link to post
Share on other sites

Positive: Well I found therapists in my network currently

I've been giving thought to staying on anthem healthkeepers because I'm already on it and I could potentially go see like a therapist more often than 5x a year. Which could be really nice if I had a good therapist. I didn't find any in my area. But I figured out how to extend the search to include my entire state. I figure it doesn't matter because I'll just do telehealth with them anyways. Plus my dermatologist with anthem is pretty good they recognized I needed to try antibiotics and those are working decently well. And I can see a doctor in person or online anytime. The only struggle really is to find a therapist and after recognizing that there's like probably 30-40 therapists in my state that I'd be willing to try I think it's like feasible to stay on anthem. So maybe I won't go back to Kaiser just yet. Oops I just found out the special enrollment period has ended so I can't like change my health insurance anymore. I'm stuck with Kaiser for the year. I guess that's fine. I felt comfortable with my Dr there. And I guess the derm isn't so bad. Sure there isn't much therapy to be had there but I guess it was functioning well enough for my health insurance company. It's a lot of work to like call around to find a dr through other companies. Kaiser just gives you one albeit a random one. Yeah. I'll get a derm and a therapist and it'll hopefully be good enough.

I got the day off today because I haven no clients or sup today. So I guess I'll just hang around the house or run an errand or something. Gonna do wrist rehab and pull today. Maybe read some of my gary chapman book. I tried to use a dating app yesterday. I'm still on it but it was like giving me all kinds of insomnia and acne so Idk if I'll stay on it very long. Maybe delete it today. I guess I'll just have to stop trying to date and wait and see if my disorders go away now that I'm off meds. So....no social for me possibly for a long time who knows when or if they'll go away. But before I moved like 3 years ago I was on dating apps and had no problems with anxiety or acne insomnia etc from using them. I just went on dates like it was whatever. No problem. Maybe that'll come back to me and I can find someone.

I smiled at dating?

I accomplished eating

I am grateful for dating, eating, insurance, times up, water, money, selling, buying, deals, roads, bushes

God bless

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Positive: 6 days no masturbation

Well I had a wet dream last night. Which isn't good. I don't want to have any wet dreams. But I still didn't masturbate so that's something. I think maybe it's because I attempted to sleep w/o pants on. Then put the pants on later but I think it like stimulated my genitals to be in bed with only underwear. So that happened. Hopefully it will stop. My yoga mat salt cure is going well. Today is cure number 4. I just rub the salt in 2-3 times while it sits for 24 hours and I rub it off with a warm water towel. Then it like gets grippier. I'm waiting on my bottle brush to come in the mail it's lagging, but it'll come. Till then I have to use my water bottle without washing it which is kind of gross but I need the water so I guess I'll do it anyway. Full six hour day today. Mon weds fri are almost all completely full. That just leaves tues thurs to fill up and I'll have a full caseload pretty much. That's cool. My job is pretty good they give me hours and I'm moving towards my license. I just hope and pray to God that my somnolence will go away so I can have time to study for my NCMCHE exam or whatever the acronym is.

I smiled at exam

I accomplished moving towards LPC

I am grateful for exam, LPC, process, doing better, new job, clients, work, money, culture, asian,

God bless

Link to post
Share on other sites

Positive: I'm one week free of masturbation

Yes 7 days away from masturbating someone give me a medal. I'm the greatest. I think about Buddha, Jesus, Oorhvareta yogi's, monks, priests and Brahmachari's and how they're all celibate for life as inspiration for not masturbating and even being okay with being celibate the rest of my life if I never happen across a wife that's suitable for me and will commit to being with me. I'm reading this marriage book on that subject. It's 'Now you're speaking my language' by Gary Chapman. It's a good book and I wish I'd read it when I was a kid so I could understand what goes into making a positive romantic relationship. Oh well at least I'm getting it now. Maybe I can take my clients who are in relationships how to better navigate them. I haven't tried my yoga mat after the fourth salt scrub. I'm getting pretty fed up with scrubbing this darn mat. Maybe four will be enough and I can stop scrubbing it. We'll find out after I try it some. The knee is still messed up and hurting whenever I walk or stand. So that's a bit concerning. I guess it's still early in the recovery period so it's probable that it'll heal up and not hurt. I doubt I'll be walking any 10k anytime soon if ever though. I do plan to go test the knee out on a treadmill once it's pain free to see if the cushion allows for me to walk 10k without pain. Or at least 5k. I got a new bottle brush but it doesn't get inside the moutpiece so I got another one that looks like it will and I'll return the old one. I didn't feel like reciting bible verses that past few nights. Maybe because I was more stressed that usual or something. But I just didn't feel up to it. I've been hitting 170 bible verses a night. That's a lot of words to recite. But it was making me feel pretty good and I liked it in some ways. I'm journaling a CBT record and a pros cons list almost daily now. It's cool. Just trying to keep up that like therapy training I guess. I'm kind of beat I had a tough session last night and didn't get to chill after as I was busy helping my moms customers buy crap from her store in our house. Ugh. I don't want to have to spend my free time selling crap for her. I may just refuse to answer the door if she's not home and the customers come again. My free time is precious and very little because of my somnolence. I need to enjoy as much of it as I can. Which brings me to my next point. The Flash is streaming new episodes now. They're amazing. I'm on 701 and it's so good. I'm so happy to get to watch a new season of The Flash. Because of my TV disorder I never get to watch anything new so it's like such a huge treat when one of my shows comes out with a new season. I really hope the disoder and all my disorders go away now that I'm off my psychotropics. Tomorrow will be my first day completely off them. I've been off risperdal for two weeks but no sign of the disorders going away aside from my appetite decreasing a little. Also I can't sit in a normal chair. I have to be in a recliner with the legs up or my knee hurts constantly. It's kind of bad.

 

Well that was a giant post because it's the weekend and I have time.

I smiled at my mat

I accomplished buying more bottle brushes

I am grateful for mat, brush, bottle, oorhvareta yogi, gary chapman, monks, buddha, jesus, brahmacharis, and priests.

God bless

Link to post
Share on other sites

Positive: still in one piece.

Yes I may not be doing too well with the knee and the relapsing on masturbating. But I am still alive. So that's something. I feel like I'm kind of addicted to watching TV although it's relatively under control as I do everything I need to do in spite of watching TV. Although there's not much to do lately now that I can't really do yoga and can only do 2 strength training days a week. I'm feeling kind of depressed. This morning I didn't feel like doing my morning warm up and stretch. Or even making breakfast. I just didn't care if I ate or not. I slept an extra hour making it 14 and I masturbated in that hour. Darn there goes my 8 day streak. I have to try and do it without much help aside from what I may get on this site. All I can do is sit on the couch and watch TV, eat and meditate. I can't really read because it messes me up with my disorders. Even watching TV isn't the best experience these days. So work tv meditate....2 days str training. There are maybe 3 or 4 yoga poses I might still be able to do without hurting the knee further. I'm also coming off bupropion so that's like possibly going to contribute to feeling depressed. I still think I can continue on but things aren't looking so good as of late. Exercise was my coping for work and life and it's all but gone for now. Yep. I guess I am enjoying watching The Flash though. It was cool to see the season 7 episodes even though they caused me discomfort for some reason. I'm really not looking forward to this next week. With a big reduction in exercise I'm going to really be hurting without my coping. I'm afraid to increase meditation time to try to cope because I don't want to get like a mental injury and lose that too. I feel like I get injured doing everything and it sucks big time. I can't maintain anything without hurting myself. Blegh. I wonder if my knee will even recover enough to do yoga again.

I smiled at mat

I accomplished salt

I am grateful for mat, salt, sea, coarse, fine, ground, rind, hind, pine, tree, xmas

God bless

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Positive: Did not masturbate last night

Yep. I went on some website that said that the 4 most important things to increasing willpower are

1. Sleep

2. Meditation

3. Exercise

4. A vegan diet

So I already do the first three about as well as I can. So I ate mostly vegan yesterday. I honestly feel a little off today. But I'm gonna try to make it through a week of vegan eating and see if I survive okay. I really did feel like my willpower was stronger last night to battle the urge to masturbate. The knee is not doing so great. I can't even bend it without pain. It has to stay straight and elevated at all times or it starts hurting. That's not good. We'll see if the orthopedist has anything to say on Wednesday. I feel like the only thing I can do is just rest it and it will probably eventually stop hurting and I'll be able to exercise again. I'm trying to eat 100g of protein a day. Which is possibly more than I need. 67 is sedentary and 100 is active. And I'm not really that active aside from the two days that I do calisthenics. I'm at 28g of protein for the day. If I get up to like 90 I'd be happy with that. Idk how much protein is in a serving of tofu though. Ehhh. Hope I don't get malnourished and protein deficient. I really do feel kind of like weak and woozy. Hmm. Just gotta eat more plant protein and see how it goes. I want that willpower boost to beat masturbation. Today is day two completely free of psychotropics. I'm happy to be off them. But I'm also sad that I spent so much time on them getting messed up side effects that I am unsure if they will ever reverse. I didn't watch TV yesterday I just read. I miss watching The Flash. Maybe I'll watch some today. Unless I'm miraculously able to read the bible again without getting a headache I pretty much have nothing to do otherwise. Well unless I want to go into savage monk mode and meditate 2-3 hours a day. I know not many people read this but it's still helpful I think to me to keep posting. After all I've been able to stay off games over a year. So if it aint broke don't fix it. I'm gonna keep posting so long as I keep quitting.

I smiled at my knee

I accomplished eating 28g plant protein

I am grateful for tofurkey, sausage, tofu, beans, edamame, japanese stuff, water bottle brush, oxford, 1 subject notebook and my sweater.

God bless

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.