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7.11.2016

Today i feel  bad. I am tired and I know hat I ahve a long day in front of me. Realised I am feeling sorry for myself this morning so I'll cut it out right now. I manged yesterday to sneak in some exercise and was productive at work. I didn't prioritze my Report though this is something I have to correct today or I will just start to push this task away again.

Most important task today

report writing

I feel grateful for...

1) Bringing myself to exercise

2) My wife taking charge at many things

3) this journalling to keep my mind straight

4) low pressure at work

5) my backpain is fading

Weekly goals (until Sunday)

- exercise atleast 20 minutes 1/4

- Write each day the most important thing to do down and work for atleast two hours at it. 0/7

- meditate for 10min everyday 2/7 done

List of banned activities:

gaming, YouTube, Masturbation, feeling sorry for myself, whining

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7.11.2016

I realised this morning that Feeling sorry for yourself (even if you have good reasons for it!) is the opposite of taking responsibility over your life. Well it sucks that we got to to do uncomfortable stuff, it sucks if life hits you in your face sometimes. Doesn't change the fact that lying on the ground doesn't make things better or even easier. You don't Need a special strength or motivation or anything. You ´need only to know that there is only a chance for things to get better if you work for it. And if you don't work for it things will turn bad in the long run. Work isn't something bad though. It is part of the progress. If we don't put effort into something, we get depressed or angry. Or both.

I am confident that the first draft of my report can be finished today, if some things at work run the way I like them to run. I wasn't really productive yesterday because I felt tired . But I spent my time on the report and managed some other things too. Also I was out of the house at work and University until 19:00 and went straight grocery shopping afterwards. I think a 14 hour day where I didn't procrastinate a lot( programmed in the train and it was fun!) is definitely a good day for me. I spoke to another sutdent at my english for computer science class and could talk about different programming languages and pro's and cons. I saw that I miss a lot of knowledge compared to someone who is studying something closer to the subject but I know so much more then 6months ago! Also speaking in front of class in english (which is required) will surely help my english skills. Didn't found time for my embedded systems class but on the other hand this means I have my priorities straight at the moment. First the urgent and important work. If I am able to get this done I'll make sure to continue with the important things before I take care of the urgent but unimportant stuff. Studying embedded Systems is important but not urgent at the Moment. My masterthesis is important and urgent for example.

Most important task today

report writing

I feel grateful for...

1) improved knowledge of Computer science

2) not creating delusions( I still know how muhc I don't know)

3) getting better at Setting priorites

4)  drinking tea is becoming a working ritual

5) remembering to take my headphones for headspace

Weekly goals (until Sunday)

- exercise atleast 20 minutes 1/4

- Write each day the most important thing to do down and work for atleast two hours at it. 1/7

- meditate for 10min everyday 3/7

List of banned activities:

gaming, YouTube, Masturbation, feeling sorry for myself (instead I'll take responsibility)

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"My self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go" - Icon for Hire 'under the knife'

It's the quote from the song that I listen to lastly, which I think is a very good reply to what you wrote in the first paragraph. Hating yourself or feeling miserable leads to nowhere. This is a thing we often forget because human mind is constructed this way that it likes strong emotions like piety or depression. It's good that you want to break out of this.

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I realised this morning that Feeling sorry for yourself (even if you have good reasons for it!) is the opposite of taking responsibility over your life.

100%. Every time I feel sorry for myself I'm playing victim, and not taking responsibility for my life. The key is to catch yourself in the moment and make that mindset shift.

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10.11.2016

:D just realised that my last 3 headers where just copies of the 7.11. It seems like I got some time travelling issues.

Back to the present. I have some stuff to do and need to stay at home this morning to do it. Last week this was exactly the point where I fallen back into old patterns. Today I have the chance to remedy myself and being extra productive. After this journal entry I will do Headspace as every morning after journalling. Then I will clean the kitchen start immediately with my most important task. After that I make my breakfast, clean the kitchen, do some laundry and be gone towards work.

Most important task today

report finishing

I feel grateful for...

1) Feeling good after a great workout yesterday

2) the chance to make better decisions today

3) starting with the first part of my master thesis soon

4) tomorrow I will have some extra time and I am looking forward to learn smth. about embedded systems

5) got a nice programming idea which is fun to realise (It has an Imp in it!)

6) Auto correct in English

Weekly goals (until Sunday)

- exercise at least 20 minutes 2/4

- Write each day the most important thing to do down and work for at least two hours at it. 2/7

- meditate for 10min everyday 4/7

List of banned activities:

gaming, YouTube, Masturbation, feeling sorry for myself (instead I'll take responsibility)

Edited by WorkInProgress

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11.11.2016

Yesterday morning I had to fight to do the things at home I wanted to do. But I pulled through and did it. But I realize hgow hard it is at hom to get something done. I am jsut so used to skip to porn-sites/YouTube/gamequitters/insert-random-stupid-thing-what-comes-to-my-mind. Especially if I am alone at home which doesn't happens often tehse times where i am so busy.

I managed to finish the first draft of myrReport which is great. Now i ahve to plan my masterthesis and have to decide if I want a purely experimental Thesis or if I do some simple modelling witha  Simulation ina ddition. I do my Thesis at an external place (my current working place) and they want it to be more focussed on the experimental side. My Professor from University is known to feel that an only experimental Thesis is prone to have to less content to get a really good grade. m a Little torn. But I do some Research adn talk again with all parties and then come to a conclusion. 

There is a lot of other stuff going on, I learn automotive english in a course at University which is great because I don't only get to know the vocabulary but also a learn a lot about the function of engines and crancshafts etc... I feel like I need to push a flashcard program/game I am making right now to a functional state so I can use it for studying my english vocabulary.

I also wanted to improve at my embedded system class, plan a nive first wedding aniversary with my wife and starting spor again.

and the list goes on...

Actually I am not really stressed because this are all awesome things but I surely have to prioritze. Some things will figure themself out the next week anyway I am sure

Most important task today

literature study for the master thesis

I feel grateful for...

1) All the opportunites I have

2) a fun conversation with my wife this morning

3) headspace

4) modern technology

5) priorities

Weekly goals (until Sunday)

- exercise at least 20 minutes 2/4

- Write each day the most important thing to do down and work for at least two hours at it. 4/7

- meditate for 10min everyday 5/7

List of banned activities:

gaming, YouTube, Masturbation, feeling sorry for myself (instead I'll take responsibility)

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12.11.2016

Another day where I managed to do all the things I wanted to do.

On the negative side I did waste around 2 hours with porn and youtube watching wc3 replays. It was entertaining but I don't really understrand myself. Coudl have read a book or did something less destructive easily. Maybe being alone at home at a Friday evening triggered me. I feel like I wanted to do too much. But I am proud that I still amgaged to do my exercise at 9pm in the evening. It actually was motivating to write with ym accountability partner.

Most important task today

I actually done everything important allready and will now use some tiem before a social event to program.

I feel grateful for...

1) Nice Doctorates mentoring me at my thesis

2) some nice ideas for our wedding day

3) coding

4) Tim Ferris podcasts with interesting guest

5) my accountability partner

Weekly goals (until Sunday)

- exercise at least 20 minutes 3/4

- Write each day the most important thing to do down and work for at least two hours at it. 5/7

- meditate for 10min everyday 6/7

List of banned activities:

gaming, YouTube, Masturbation, feeling sorry for myself (instead I'll take responsibility)

Things to do if I feel tired:

Walking, tv with my wife, reading fiction, juggling.

 

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Dude, why are you watching porn? I mean, is it ok for you and your other half or you want to quit it?

It is ok for me and my other half, but I still want to quit it. It isn't even a moral thing for me. But it is a real bad habit which leads to wasting time and other things like watching streams, what just annoys me to no end. It makes me feel powerless again and that's basically why I don't use it often and want to quit it all together.

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Dude, why are you watching porn? I mean, is it ok for you and your other half or you want to quit it?

It is ok for me and my other half, but I still want to quit it. It isn't even a moral thing for me. But it is a real bad habit which leads to wasting time and other things like watching streams, what just annoys me to no end. It makes me feel powerless again and that's basically why I don't use it often and want to quit it all together.

Yep, there are definitely better ways to spend your time than watching that stuff

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14.11.2016

It feels like I Focus too mcuh on myself again. I'll Need to think more about my relationsship and be careful to Keep putting effort into it. It is great if I grow and leanr new things but the People I love have still priority. People say You should love yourself so much that you are top priority. But I don't think that applies to 100%. Ofcourse you shouldn't destruct yourself with teh desire jsut to live for someone else. But caring adn putting effort in to other people is really important to me and makes me happy. There is no reason not to put my relationships on top of my priorities. If I had to choose between Feeling succesful and having meaningful great relationsships with the people I love I would always choose teh relationsships. It is time to act on this.

Didn't hit one of my Goals because I didn't get to exercsie/ meditate / or write the most important Thing down but I prioritised my relationship and feel no regrets. Next week I will be a Little more modest on my excercise Goals because I'll have very Little time. I also add a cleaning Point to it because I should have made a clean appartment my Project years ago (I tried from time to time but never made it happen). I'll have to Change my mindset from keeping the chaos away to creating a nice place to live.

 

Most important task today

 correct internship Report and send it in.

I feel grateful for...

1) my wife showing her Feelings to me

2) califonian cheesecake swabian style

3) journalling

4) people caring

5) a Weekend full of family

Weekly goals (until Sunday)

- make the appartment look nice (one hour/day) 0/7

- exercise at least 20 minutes 0/2

- Write each day the most important thing to do down and work for at least two hours at it. 0/7

- meditate for 10min everyday 0/7

List of banned activities:

gaming, YouTube, Masturbation, feeling sorry for myself (instead I'll take responsibility)

Things to do if I feel tired:

Walking, tv with my wife, reading fiction, juggling.

Edited by WorkInProgress

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Hey man. You're doing really well. 

 

Thanks for partnering up with me. 

 

One thing I think is important isn't to cut stuff just out. I mean. If you fill your day with fulfilling stuff then maybe you just will lose interest in porn YouTube and so on right?  

I also struggling with this but I'm not quite confident in tackling this myself. but that's how I plan to tackle in as time goes on. 

 

We are in it for a long haul right? Like making changes that will really stick and that will take a long time to wean ourselves off  habits. 

Always happy to talk if you're struggling. 

 

 

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For em it isn't so much something I go for if I am bored. I go to these not beneficial activities if I am anxious about stuff or exhausted. SO filling out my time can be even damaging in some cases. But I am getting better at catching myself. Btw. I Need to go back to work -.-

Edited by WorkInProgress

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14.11.2016

It feels like I Focus too mcuh on myself again. I'll Need to think more about my relationsship and be careful to Keep putting effort into it. It is great if I grow and leanr new things but the People I love have still priority. People say You should love yourself so much that you are top priority. But I don't think that applies to 100%. Ofcourse you shouldn't destruct yourself with teh desire jsut to live for someone else. But caring adn putting effort in to other people is really important to me and makes me happy.

Hey, I'm gonna be controversial, but keep that in mind.

The fact that we love ourselves, is the most natural fact about very human being.

Even if you are hurting yourself, you're doing it for yourself.

Even if somebody commits a suicide he's doing it because HE needs the attention, because he love himself.

Some with taking care about our bodies, it's just a normal thing. We are born as selfish beings.

And the goal should be to care more about other people. That should help you.

 

Btw. about porn: Have you think that relationship that occurs in these movies is something every man desire? Do you thing that this is the ideal relationship between man and woman? Is it something you desire in your own relationship?

Just think about  it.

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist.

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14.11.2016

It feels like I Focus too mcuh on myself again. I'll Need to think more about my relationsship and be careful to Keep putting effort into it. It is great if I grow and leanr new things but the People I love have still priority. People say You should love yourself so much that you are top priority. But I don't think that applies to 100%. Ofcourse you shouldn't destruct yourself with teh desire jsut to live for someone else. But caring adn putting effort in to other people is really important to me and makes me happy.

Hey, I'm gonna be controversial, but keep that in mind.

The fact that we love ourselves, is the most natural fact about very human being.

Even if you are hurting yourself, you're doing it for yourself.

Even if somebody commits a suicide he's doing it because HE needs the attention, because he love himself.

Some with taking care about our bodies, it's just a normal thing. We are born as selfish beings.

And the goal should be to care more about other people. That should help you.

 

Btw. about porn: Have you think that relationship that occurs in these movies is something every man desire? Do you thing that this is the ideal relationship between man and woman? Is it something you desire in your own relationship?

Just think about  it.

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist.

Thanks for the Input.

I actually disagree wiht both Statements. I think your right in that part that everyone everyting does he does for himself. But imho that is not based on love of your own identity. this behaviour is just a summ of many instincts. The cool Thing is that we have our mind and can think about stuff. So it is our decision under what paradigma we make our choices. So it is important to think in the right way to feel right. And thats nothing natural. We need to train to be positive and treat our Body and Mind well. Because we don't live in Stoneage anymore and many instincts which were great at times where survival was main priority, are now damaging to ourselfs. Because we don't have many problems we had in the prämodern time we need to adapt our patterns beyond our instinctive responses.

That's were we need to find the Balance between the joy of helping others and the need to take care of yourself. I don't think it is selfish to take care of yourself but I think it is selfish if you are your main priority no matter what. I am changing that.

An Important step for me is to be truthful to myself and see the difference between times I am really want to help someone and times where I do it just to prevent the influence it has on me if someone is unhappy in my presence. Both has it place in my life but I should be clear when I do what.

To the porn subject:

I think sex/lust is only one little ( but important) category in a loving relationship. For me püersonally the things I see at pornsites are no representation of a relationsship but of this aspect. there is a big range of different models in adult films which range from "lovemaking" to hard fetish sex. I don't think my sexlife has to be like an adult movie but I think it isn't somethign inherently bad and it can inspire you to have better sex with your Partner which can actually benefit a relationship. . It made me more openminded to watch some porn because I ahve very little experience in these matters and married my first gf. So it was interesting to see what's out there.

You see that I see a lot of positive sites at porn. On the other Hand it has a bad influence on me because it prevents me from living with my sexdrive if I just use porn everytime I feel horny. Also I use it jsut to feel better at some times when I am anxious or stressed. This works for 2min and then I feel weak and without motivation. This triggers me gaming wise. Everytime I used porn in the last few months it made my focus worse and lead to a series of other behaviours which effected my productivity in Areas I care about.  It is something which doesn't do my good. Thats why I want to quit porn for atleast  3months.

Wow I worte a little wall of text ehre :) Thanks for making me think in a more detailled way about this. Realised that I never truly stated why I want to quit porn and never set an actual date. From now on I will not use porn unti my birthday in february.

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15.11.2016

I wrote many things at my Response to our polish Pharmacists so i skip this part to get to work.

Most important task today

 correct internship Report and send it in (for real!).

I feel grateful for...

1) thinking

2) getting aware of things

3) two silent hours before everyone appears to work

4) banana and curded cheese

5) clean water

Weekly goals (until Sunday)

- make the appartment look nice (one hour/day) 1/7

- exercise at least 20 minutes 0/2

- Write each day the most important thing to do down and work for at least two hours at it. 0/7

- meditate for 10min everyday 1/7

List of banned activities:

gaming, YouTube, Porn, feeling sorry for myself (instead I'll take responsibility)

Things to do if I feel tired:

Walking, tv with my wife, reading fiction, juggling, listening to podcasts

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go here

I appreciate you sharing your day but I woudl advice you to start your own Journal because otherwise mine gets a Little crowded ;)  So plz copy it to your own Journal and deltet the post. Also don't link sites without even explaining what they are. If it helps you if we visit them jsut ask for it instead of clickbait with an arabian site (hint I can't read anything there).

On a more postiive note: Welcome to our community :)

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You're welcome, my comment at least forced you a bit to think about your attitude to pornography, right? :)

I understand you have defferent statement and believes than me and I respect that.

If it's ok with you then it's just your own decision. 

I don't need to share my beliefs with you if you don't want to. However, if you're still open minded, then let me know :)

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

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You're welcome, my comment at least forced you a bit to think about your attitude to pornography, right? :)

I understand you have defferent statement and believes than me and I respect that.

If it's ok with you then it's just your own decision. 

I don't need to share my beliefs with you if you don't want to. However, if you're still open minded, then let me know :)

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

I am always up for discussion if I have the time for it and it is always more interesting to see another point of view. If I need someone who only agrees with me I just ahve to listen to my own mind for some time ;). I atleast try to be open minded but as most of us I sometimes struggle with different opinions. But atleast I am aware of this fact.

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16.11.2016

I am more aware of my Feelings lately. Yesterday I realised that I was annoyed over smth. unimportant. I couldn't make the Feeling go away but realising that objectively nothing was wrong helped me to act in a proper way with my wfe instead of snapping without reason. I think this is a side-effect of staying consistently wiht headspace. I am thinking about buying a month of Membership to test the other meditations out. I think it is beneficial to em and will stick for it after I finished take 10. I will first do a second round of take10 and then decide.

Yesterday was a very busy day. I decided to skip one lectuire and stay at work because I wanted tof inish some work. This was very productive and now I am content about a Meeting with another coworker. My test stand is finished soon and now I can Focus on literature for my master Thesis which is great. I am also happy and proud of myself that I cleaned for one hour even if I came home ery late hat day (was working from 6:30 -18:00 + a 30min drive and shopping groceries after work). I try to recognize everything I cleaned and be proud of it it, if I see order and awesomeness in the midst of the chaos.

Most important task today

Literature recherche. Read some essential papers and summarize the Content.

I feel grateful for...

1) improving awareness

2) Life

3) having a great time wiht my Sister, my brother-in-law and ym Little nephew

4) Long distance communication

5) coffee

Weekly goals (until Sunday)

- make the appartment look nice (one hour/day) 2/7

- exercise at least 20 minutes 0/2

- Write each day the most important thing to do down and work for at least two hours at it. 1/7

- meditate for 10min everyday 2/7

List of banned activities:

gaming, YouTube, Porn, feeling sorry for myself (instead I'll take responsibility)

Things to do if I feel tired:

Walking, tv with my wife, reading fiction, juggling, listening to podcasts

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