Jump to content

Question of the week: What are you grateful for?

Recommended Posts

Today I uninstalled all my games. I knew it was time to quit since ive been up all night amd day playing Town of Salem (Muliplayer). The nights before I was playing more and more. I planned to start stopgaming for the 3rd time when I came back from vacation (2 weeks ago). I want to get to 90. I have always relapsed on day 66 oddly. I saw info online that new habits take 66 days to form.

 

I didnt really plan to quit today. I just had one of those really shit moments you get in multiplayer. As gamers we've all seen how ugly it gets, how toxic the social side of gaming can truly be. So now I decide to quit today. A family member watched part of the game, directed me to do certain things and mistakes were made. Mistakes that earned much blame and toxicity toward me, including later by the family member. Mistakes were then made again irl towards others.

 

Im quitting because multiplayer has always been a terrible experience for me (yet again). Its crazy how fast the anger in an imaginary world can transfer to reality. I binged ToS for a week. Before this, I played singleplayer only after quitting a different multiplayer game 6 years ago. I sought help to quit singleplayer at first. But multiplayer is hardcore poison to me. Enough is enough.

 

In the week prior to returning on vacation, I started language learning and havent missed a day (Even w ToS, since I could play DuoLingo while waiting). In December before I left, I started a bullet journal and its been very helpful. Ive used Habitica since June(?) and it still pushes me to get things done.

 

Heres to day 0.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

(Looking at other threads, im wanting to make my journal simpler and easier to follow. I welcome replies and questions)

WHO AM I?

I'm a young female from Australia.

I study at alternate uni.

I've stopped gaming twice for 66 days each. This is my 3rd attempt to 90 days.

I was heavily addicted to marijuanna everyday for 3 years, 1 year sober in early 2019. Started when I quit MP games.

Not all gamers are nerds. I was a troublemaker in HS.

GAMING HABITS

Gamed for 3-8+ hours a day. (With MP, it was 8-12+ hours a day.)

Avoided MultiPlayer since 2014. Addicted to Singleplayer games since.

I've rarely played new games from 2015 onwards. Most (not all) games I own are 2012 era and below.

Game Styles: Strategy, Rogue and Tycoon.

Gaming affected my education heavily. I skipped school often to go home and game.

MP Game Addiction made me extremely extroverted from boredom, I thrillseeked.

EXTRAS ABOUT MY JOURNAL

I naturally have very high dream recall and remember my dreams everynight. I will journal about my dreams if they're gaming related.

I'm diagnosed as high functioning with a Dissociative Disorder (It barely affects me). Searching online - High dream recall seems common for DD.

I personally believe dreams have true metaphoric meanings.

I do not lucid dream, but I use those techniques against nightmares.

When I stop gaming, my DD improves to a point where it is non-existent.

Described as one of the worst mental disorders, stopgaming will likely improve your mental well-being.

 

 

I choose to share this info with the world so that game addiction can be further understood, recognised and helped.

I hope you all enjoy reading about my journey to 90 days.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 1

Last Night's Dream #1:  Prior to sleeping I was having tetris effect about Town of Salem. I slept for 4 hours and dreamt about playing Town of Salem. I was in the same scenario as Day 0. Playing Jailor role and obsessively trying to get the same player. Their name appeared in my dream and was the same number on the list in my dream. I recall typing vigorously in dead chat. On Day 0 I played as Medium 3 times in a row and I mostly stick around in dead chat too. The dream was very flashy and colorful. Like different pictures of the game being shown quickly. I felt myself sitting at my computer, staring at the screen with my hands on the mouse and over the keyboard. After waking up, the tetris effect completely vanished. It felt like I was drunk and had just sobered up. I stayed up another hour and slept for 12 hours. (I possibly have sleep apnea). I did not dream about gaming in the 12 hour sleep.

 

My Progress Today

Cravings: Yes. My younger sibling encouraged me to game and mentioned that my parent says it's okay to game. - A rare occasion when you shouldn't listen to family.

Activities: Continued my DuoLingo streak (10 days!). Finished mandatory to-do's. Unfortunately failed a load of Habitca dailies. Talked on Discord (I am Academix). Minor relapse to smoking, I rolled a cigarette from old cigarettes and it tasted TERRIBLE.

Thoughts: 

  • I have been home for 2 weeks and still feel a bit jetlagged. My sleeping schedule is not ready for school yet.
  • I start school next week and I hope I don't fail. This is the first time in many years that i've had to sit in a classroom and stay. Last year I studied online and passed, so i'm capable of doing the work. Im just prone to avoiding (which makes me ditch class).
  • I need to keep busy on my last week of freedom. I should work on my bullet journal, habitica and other new schedules/plans.
  • Im 50/50 about making new friends at school. I cut off all my old friends when I quit drugs. I haven't had friends for 1 and a half years now. It feels foreign to me.
  • I don't have the money to afford smoking anymore. I wonder if I can stop gaming and quit smoking at the same time. I usually use nicotine gum ( Liquid nicotine for vaping is restricted in Aus, req. docs prescription to order from overseas). I have a record of 17 days not smoking. I relapsed one day before I flew overseas, the unknown was happening and stressing me out.

 

I'm hoping the feel good effects of stopgaming kick in before I go to school. I felt comfortably extroverted last time I stopped. Though there were no classmates to talk to.

Edited by TwoSidedLife
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 2

Did not dream about gaming.

 

Today's Progress

  • Did what I set out to do today
  • Improving a lot at doing daily habits
  • Created a new schedule for myself and working on getting my sleep pattern back to normal
  • With journalling, i've decided to keep it simple

Cravings: Yes. When I was falling asleep I felt like getting up and gaming for a few hours instead.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 3

Today's Progress

  • Halfway done re-organising my wall. Change of environment refreshes your mindset.
  • Feel like doing more physical activities than mental. Exercise is boring and I enjoy gardening or making/fixing things instead.
  • Journalling is like having an accountability partner

Cravings: Yep. Although not my usual game style, im really craving sport games (Especially AFL, but Cricket would be fun too). I dont own any anymore and im still craving for Town of Salem. I think I want to be part of a team.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 4

Today's Progress

  • Didn't do anything productive today. Planning to go shopping for school supplies tomorrow.
  • Going to revisit the schedule and to-to-list. Its been neglected slowly.

Cravings: Yep. Its very boring having nobody to talk to. I considered playing ToS many times today. I also considered trying moderation again. Seeing gamequitters makes me sad in a way. Seeing the once in a while person saying gaming in moderation is fine makes me want to relapse. Idk how to cure my loneliness. Idk if i'll be back. I feel a bit stupid writing this.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2/5/2019 at 12:17 AM, TwoSidedLife said:

study at alternate uni.

I am also at uni (well college) as well.

On 2/5/2019 at 1:02 AM, TwoSidedLife said:

I start school next week and I hope I don't fail.

I hope that you do well. I know you will! 💪🏻

On 2/5/2019 at 12:17 AM, TwoSidedLife said:

I'm a young female from Australia.

I also live in Australia too, although I was born in Indonesia.

20 hours ago, TwoSidedLife said:

Yep. Its very boring having nobody to talk to.

This is relatable. 😔

This is actually an interesting journal, such as you included dreams about gaming. Keep up with your detox! 😀

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2/7/2019 at 5:35 PM, TwoSidedLife said:

Yep. Its very boring having nobody to talk to. 

What is your social situation? Are you staying home all day? Could you go to a cafe with a book or something? Going to a gym can also be helpful.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, I relapsed a few days ago, but I didn't binge because gaming just isn't that fun anymore. I've only played an hour at most. I 'achieved' things in game, but it didn't feel as great compared to real life achievements. I've learnt/realised from relapsing that gaming will never create a feeling of lasting happiness or accomplishment.

 

@Lea That's mindblowing!  More relatable actually...I'm half Indonesian and i'm starting to learn Indonesian. I went to Jakarta (3rd time) when I went overseas over the New Years break. I miss it already, got a big family there. I managed to plan out my finances today in Excel which was great. Makes it easier to save up for another trip there! Thinking of studying abroad there in a few years too.

@katsudo19 Thanks for the encouragement! I'm definitely gonna get up and keep going. I've just finished writting down my goals, step by step and all. First time i've had a clear plan written for them. :)

@Cam Adair One part of my life that still needs to get rebuilt since sobering up from years of pot. I stayed at home all day last year when I studied online. On Monday I start a new course on campus. I've mainly just got family. One parent, younger sibling + their friend that lives w us. I've been talking to them more. Sibling + friend starts uni same day and we've been talking about going out to places on weekends. Also got an old friend's party coming up, haven't seen them for a few years. I feel like this year for me is gonna be one of remaking my social life, being around people again and having a few laughs with others.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 1

Last Night's Dream #2: 

This dream was 'weird', common among pot withdraws and nicotine near bedtime (Incredibly illogical events w a lot of randomness). I was playing a shooter game as myself, high up on a cliff and using weapons on a hud to destroy enemies that shattered into blocks. I was w my sibling and it felt like we were trying to escape to safety. I 'held the button for longer' to detonate a stronger bomb to get rid of them. After this, we went elsewhere. I had a regular first person view of a room. This was a place we weren't supposed to be and was the house/lair of the evil person. I saw and looked around at exotic looking metals and really nice items in display cases. My sibling was panicing. I was calm and began looting the room. There was nowhere to go but upwards towards another door. At that door, I saw a shadow. I yelled out to run back to the other door we came from. The big bad villain opened the door and stood there. It was a large woman, dressed in black and red. She hissed like a snake when she saw me w all her loot. My sibling sarcastically pleaded to the baddie not to hurt us (Theyre usually very sarcastic).

 

Today's Progress

  • I set out my goals clearly and did a budget yesterday
  • I managed to stick to two new habits I set myself today (Learn a language & Make art)
  • I only turned on the computer today to do art
  • Im going to make a plan to cut down on my internet/technology use

Cravings: In the middle of the day, when I didn't know what to do next.

Edited by TwoSidedLife
Remembered my in full detail dream the moment I posted
  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 2

Today's Progress

  • First day of school and managed to stay in class, rather than avoid it
  • Stayed committed to the side goals/habits I set (Day 2)

Cravings: On my way home I thought I should game to relax. Instead I played guitar, thinking I didnt have time to game with only 3 hours until bedtime.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 3

Today's Progress

  • Completed a yearly goal after only setting it two days ago!! Really proud of myself on this one! It was a continued project that reached completion finally.
  • Feel much more comfortable in class, but still anxious at times.
  • HAD NO CRAVINGS!!! I am too tired and busy to play games. Having only a few hours afterschool and an hour before it starts really pushes me to make the most of it and do my goals (Something outside of school to relax, in a really fulfilling way).
  • I hope I get addicted to achieving and setting my goals :))
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That's great for you ! One of the best way to avoid relapsing is creating a healthy routine and that is exactly what you are doing. If you have a meaningful work most of the days, you won't relaspse nor have cravings during that time.

I'm rooting for you !

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 4

Today's Progress

  • Planned my budget more - forces me to cut down on smoking (Great! But quitting smoking takes a heavy emotional toll).
  • Feeling down that I can't $ afford to do everything I want (Can't afford textbooks AND byo alcohol for a party).

Cravings: Near none. Might be tempted tomorrow/weekend (3 days off) but i'm keen for the freetime to work on my goals.  Really gotta tough it out w cutting down on smoking.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 5

Last night's dream #3. The nicotine has been making my dreams very jumbled up. I vaguely remember a video game styled dream where I was looking for and recovering missing items. Usually this is a common dream for me, but never themed as a game. All I remember specifically is seeing the color aqua and yellow as 'objectives' towards a path to items.

Today's Progress

  • Last say of school this week, now for my weekend (happy days!)
  • Worked on Excel for 7 hours at school today. I had to work on data for a few hours w gaming products as an example (Cause me by surprise).
  • Unsure of what i'll do, definitely need to review my goals w the freetime i've got now (Along w clean up a weeklong mess)

I already feel more clearer from stopping. I don't feel that weird after effect gaming has anymore :) I feel like i'm going to become more social

Edited by TwoSidedLife
Spelling + Dream
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 6

Today's Progress

  • Feeling lost without a plan for the weekend. Been unproductive and lazy, where'd the time go?
  • Attempting to piece together a functional system to get things done (I'm using too many resources to sort, needs to be more clear)
  • Can't believe it's already been 6 days!
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, first of all: good luck in your attempts! Hope you'll succeed and achieve all your goals.

Also, I quite envy you: I don't see any dreams when I'm asleep, but I'm sure if I did, I'd see games too... so maybe it's ok then?🤔

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@WuqingDi Thank you :)

Hahaha i'd say it's a great thing not remembering honestly. Dreams can be very disturbing at times (Nightmares). Even if I can escape it, I don't forget about it since it's very vivid. The dreams related to gaming get more full-on further in, to a point where I believe I broke my streak and need to restart again. They're the dreams i'm mainly interested in, since I don't know whats causing it. Other times I might confuse my dreams for real life (vice versa also) and think that something was a irl memory when it was just a dream (and vice versa). Those to me specifically happen when i'm stressed though, which is when my Dissociative Disorder symptoms come out to play.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 7

Today's Progress

  • It's come to my attention that I shake when i'm anxious, it's something i've never noticed until someone else told me. I usually get nausious when i'm anxious. Sometimes i'm not mentally anxious, but i'm physically anxious.
  • Quitting smoking is making me more impulsive. I can't afford to smoke anymore and i'm hoping for the best when it comes to stopgaming.
  • Today I did a 'brain dump' and allocated tasks all the way up to March. I've got things to do everyday now.
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow, you're organized ! Keep going !

Don't worry about being more impulsive, it's perfectly normal. Try finding something relaxing when you need to cool down.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×