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Listen to Cam and James Discuss eSports In Episode 2 of Gaming the System!


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Everything posted by WuqingDi

  1. DAY 90 Today is my final day, there's only 1 hour remaining before my challenge ends. I won't write anything big as I planned before, I've already shared that I felt during this challenge some time ago. I just hope everybody who will ever read it will find his own path in life, as I hope I'll find mine. After this challenge, a lot of things changed, but I didn't notice it before today. I just went ahead taking it as granted. Now I hope to appreciate more of my efforts and to never lose myself again, because, speaking of now, I can't really relate too much to my old self who was a game addict. I can't understand why I spent so much time/mental energy on things I didn't really wanted to do. Actually, I can't say I did a good work: my motivation to stop gaming was, in fact, a desire to not blame myself for my shortcomings. Now I can say that I've become more aware of myself, of what I need to do. It was a really, really good experience. I'm proud I didn't flinch before the difficulties and persevered till the end. It might be a suprise, but I'll download steam again, maybe LoL too. I won't be gaming as I did before, but playing some games on saturday/sunday with friends is something I really want to do. Now I know that I can control myself and if I ever feel like an addict I'll just delete my games, that's all. I'll do it because I think it's the better way to finally conclude an addiction - if you, forever, will run away from it - it's not a treatment, just an inner demon you will fear for all eternity. That's not the thing I'm pursuing. Again, hope you all will find your way in life, overcome your inner demons. Good luck! I don't think I'll ever post anything after that (not too sure), but thanks to all the people who cheered me on/helped me. Sharing your feelings, at least at the start, was the coolest decision I could have ever made. Thank you all again. Farewell, Ivan.
  2. DAY 85 Some days before I've decided to change my food: from eating "something that was in the fridge" I'm now conscious of what I eat. I've added more vegetables, have tryed to balance proteins, carbohydrates, etc. Now it feels like something novel, but I do feel more energetic after just some days of eating healthy food. Hope it will become even better! Also, my lazy-syndrome seems to be ending. Now I'm going back at the track, doing that I ought to do (not entirely there, but making progress). Well, there are only 5 days remaining till my 90 days challenge ending... I can't believe it! So much time has passed and I did change my "passion" for games into nothingness. Do I need to celebrate it? I dunno, because I don't think special about it anymore, so nothing will change after 5 days, but still, it was a great motivation at the start. It was really hard. I'd like to advice anybody who is trying this challenge for the first time - bear with it for some time, after just the first month it will be better. But don't relax too much, you'll start really losing your passion after 2+ months, so before that be aware of possible snaps. I nearly snaped then I started thinking "I don't want to game anymore, so I can just stop this challenge and do that I want", but it was lying to myself. You HAVE TO finish ALL 90 days before you let yourself do that you want - be it re-starting playing or forgetting it for all eternity. Overall, it was a really a good experience. Also, an advice to e-Sports fans/twitch users: don't try to reduce your time watching games content/streams COMPLETELY, try doing it over a periof of time, but don't just continue doing as you were doing before. I mean, if you just exchange all your play time with streams/games content it won't really help, will it? So, I'd advice placing some restrains on yourself. Also, maybe it's a little too much, but don't try to find excuses if you snap. It won't help you at all. My best regards, hope you all will do your best.
  3. Hello! Speaking honestly, nothing has really changed (I'll try to be more specific later). In the first days(around one-two weeks to be more precise) I was very motivated, I've tried new things, oh, and gaming was on my mind constantly. I tried very hard to not return back to gaming, because I thought it was the reason I've wasted so much time on "useless" things (in case you've started it thinking the same, well.. I'm gonna dissapoint you). Later (around days 15-20...25) I felt empty inside. It was hard at that time, but not for a long time, maybe between 3-6 days (don't remember exactly). Later it became more easy as thoughts about gaming were reduced in my head. The period between 30 and 60 days wasn't that hard, the only thing I think I could have done better without were youtube videos, 'caz watching too many got me reminiscing at some point around 15-20 days ago. It started with some thoughts about "gaming was fun, I miss my old days when it was really fun and not a habbit" and went to "Well, I did well for 60 some days; I'm good already; I can control myself well, what's the point wasting my time if I just want to be done with with this "challenge"?" and so on. If you ever start doubting your resolve in doing this whole thing: be aware, you might snap in some near future. You must constantly remind yourself of why you have decided to stop gaming. Sharing your thoughts will help you greatly at the start. I'd advice you to share it with your friends/family too. It'll give you more "security shackles" by motivating you to not disappoint them. After first month it will be more easy, as the time nears 90 days, actually, I don't even think about gaming at all. I might remember about games sometimes, but from the outer factors: some news in my feed, youtube videos, etc. Oh, and let me end for now: at the start I've said that nothing has really changed because the reason I started this whole thing is that I believed that gaming was the problem, but later I've found that problem lied in myself. Because I couldn't control myself well, because I couldn't manage myself well, etc. So now I'm trying to do the most importang thing: changing myself, my mindset. I'm not searching for external factors, I'm searching in myself. This challenge was the start, later I'll use it as a base: I'm eating nails, too lazy, not well managing myself, etc. I'll work on these things, because, for now, gaming is the past, I have to move on. Some advice(?): don't be too hard on yourself. Do one thing at a time. If you want to stop gaming then concentrate on it, think about why you don't want gaming anymore instead of what you'd like to play, why you've decided to stop, etc. If your head has more thoughts like these, it'll be better, in my opinion. But don't be extreme: you might get depression or snap. Also, control the content that you "eat" (yt videos, twitch, news). Try to allenate yourself little by little, don't be extreme as I've said above. As time passed, I've become more indifferent to gaming as whole. I used to follow e-Sports news, tournaments, but now I don't really care as much. UP: Sorry if it's a little messy? It's late now and my head isn't working smoothly
  4. DAY 77 Well, I've just calculated that only 13 days remain. Wow. Didn't think about time as it's passed so fast. Well, I don't even know that to write about. Let's just say I'm having a great time. Maybe I'll post more frequently as the days will go nearer the 90 day mark. Maybe not: it's just that my motivation to share my thoughts is wavering (I'm not very sociable person in the first place).
  5. DAY 65 It's been 2 days since I've gotten ill. Nothing serious, but still need to lie down for some time. Feels bad because I wanted to try new exercise route (let's keep it for later then). Also completed a "TO DO" for two weeks from tomorrow. I need it because recently (for maybe more than a month???) I've been "kind" to myself way too much. Now I need to get in shape, let's work harder from now on. (Hope to carry on till the end). Good week, hope you all will have great holidays.
  6. DAY 58 It's morning. Yesterday I've indeed entered HS client. I didn't feel anything particular: no joy, no sorrow, just a little unfamiliar feeling. Didn't want to play any games, just went directly to my collection. And then, I tryed to pulverize my cards that aren't standart anymore, but I found out that the dust they could give me is like any normal cards. I mean, I was expecting returning all my spending on them. If, for example, a rare standart card became wild, I thought the dust gained after pulverizing will be 100 dust, but it wasn't like that. 20 dust. F*** blizzard. I really hate them. Feeling a loss and a little angry, I just closed the game and deleted it immediately. Let's keep on the challenge, I'll do it 90 days straight.
  7. Hello! I was busy with college, didn't have any motivation to write anything :P. How I'm doing? Average. Nothing bad, nothing good. Same old days. Still persisting though. Stoped counting days, let me recalculate it. Thanks a lot for carrying about me! DAY 57 Today I'm gonna challenge myself a little: there will be an update in hearthstone. Need to login to pulverize some cards. Also, I want to see if I'll want to play so badly that I'll ruin my progress in this 90 days challenge, or I'd be more conservative and just delete the game after doing my thing? I feel like the last, but let's see. I'm doing it because I feel there is no more need in doing it for 90 days. I'm not trying to reduce it because I feel that I can't survive without games anymore or something like that, no, in fact I'm considering it because I don't like to think that I'm restiricting myself. It feels like I've put some "chains" upon myself, these thoughts are very unpleasant, so I'll try watching myself in a game client a little (even if I won't be playing). We all are learning after mistakes, so if I'm mistaken I'll learn something from it. Moreso I think I won't play any games. After writting so far, I might say that I've sorted my mind: I will stick with 90 days. No more, no less. After 90 days I'll write my thought about all this time, about how did it feel for me, etc. It will be a very long post, I'll try to elaborate a lot (as personal feelings are placed there, I don't think a lot of people will understand my mindset/my thinking process, but it will be a good summary for myself). Hope you all will have a great week!
  8. DAY 34 It's been a good week, my "depression" went away. I've just enjoyed my time even when I was doing nothing, but now I have a problem: I'm too lazy to do anything important now. Need to do some self-descipline, hope next week I'll be more serious, 'caz I have a test on thursday @mattso thx for recommending The Slight Edge, it's a good book. Just started, but I like it.
  9. DAY 25 Didn't post anything for a long time, was busy. Now I fully understand why it's so hard to give up gaming. After my first motivation died I'm left with desperation. If before I considered gaming as a sweet that I'd like to try, now I more consider it like a medicine (it's not about drugs, but more like pills from headache, etc. i.e. regular medicine you take then you're ill). I don't know if somebody can relate, but because it was my first time trying to quit gaming and I did well for some days, I thought it would be easy for me to quit and live a new life. Now I understand it was all about self-hypnosis or maybe trying different thing for a while? Maybe I'm to vague and can't understand it entirely myself, so let's just describe how I feel and what will I do (it will help me understand my situation better, I think). So, let's start from this: Giving up gaming was an act from me to do more productive things, deepening in coding, self-realization throught new things which will help me shape myself in a way I'd like to be, etc. But now, looking back for some days already, I do nothing particularly important. Yes, I have things that I can work on and improve myself. But I just don't want to do it. So I don't do it. Instead, I've filled the hole from gaming with other things that ultimately waste time: watching useless youtube videos, reading books even when I don't want to read them, just to kill time. I've even decided to watch some animes (even though I haven't watched more than two or three animes for like 5-6 years). I, ultimately, do the same thing as when I was gaming: avoid important things and waste my time in a process. Now I'm really frustrated, I have headache for like 3-4 days straight without a reason. Here come the second point: I just want the world to stay still, to let me adapt, but it's like a never stoping train, goes on and on. And I'm like an unfortunate passanger who's caught a nausea and feels dizzy. The problem is nobody can help me, and I don't really want to receive any help. I just want to be alone for 2-3 days, without seeing or speaking with anyone. The problem is it's impossible for me. So from this I've decided to: 1. start meditating more and seriously. Had this idea before, was doing meditation for some time, but never on a regular basis. Now I really need it. 2. Go away from social life: delete or take away all messengers, social networks, any way to actively communicate with others for 2-3 days. I'm really done with it, but mosly with myself. I never was a sociable guy, but in public I "play" an energetic guy who's never ashamed nor feels down. The problem is, I "play" it unconsciously, it feels like my personality (or more like the way of thoughts) switches whenever I'm in a public place. When I'm alone I'm pretty calm and indifferent, I like it a lot and it feels more natural. My real problem is, I can't controll myself in public because I instinctively fear rejection. I don't really care about public opinion... being honest, I care a little but it's because of my inferiority complex, not my personality. So, being (or playing) on public for a long time is drowning me in depression. I do know that I can go without "friiends", but having some social standing in class (and with "friends") and not being a reject feels more relaxing than being one, doesn't it? So I need to play on public (actually I can't stop it even if I'd wanted to, because I've tried it - my limit was 1 day). From this I'll try, as I've said at the start, to limit my intercations with people to only my family for some days. Having written this, I feel less burdened and more happy to sharing my thoughts, even if it won't relate to anybody or noone will understand me. Hope you all will have a great week, stay healthy and also I'd like to congratulate all women on this day. I'll try to post more regularly here, it really helps. P.S. Sorry for bad grammar, it's night time and I'm a little tired.
  10. Hello fam, I can relate to you - spent 11 years playing dota (6 years playing wc3 and 4-5 years playing dota 2). I was very focused and addicted to the game, but found that dota was eating my emotions way too much and decided to try LoL. The result got me more calm, because, from that moment, my attention and interest halved to two games instead of being extremely addicted to only one (it's not simly 1/2=0,5, it was more efficient). Later I started playing more CS, HS on regular basis. It was eating more time, but emotionally I was more stable (until I'd have a lose streak in all the games, if it was the case then you better not see me). Now, I wish you the best! Also, if you'd ever think about dota, and how good it would be to play some games on your favorite hero - just remember all these feeders, ruiners and toxic people who constantly ruin your games, also some double mid/carry people who take a line without rolling and decide to ruin the game because their line was taken. And, ultimately, remember the time then you decided to support your team when all core roles were taken (of course without rolling). You just want to win a game, so you start supporting (or ruining jungle if you're low). What happenes in 90% of situations like these? You lose because all cores are noobs/feeders/ruiners. You just wasted so much time and emotions. Remembers all of this, I'm sure you won't ever play this game if you have even a little willpower and respect for yourself.
  11. DAY 15 Had a great time preparing for the test, I did great! All pent up stress and suffering was good for this moment when you hand over your work-test all beautifully done. Also, I became potato🥔😱. Didn't work on any courses, but did some coding. Now I'm gonna relax for some days, have a good week everyone!
  12. DAY 11 Had a test today. It was funny: all my classmates were so anxious, but I wasn't very motivated from the begining. In the end, I was right: the test was very easy, now, as I look back, I think they all looked like fools this morning trying to study in the last moments, while I was relaxing, listeting to music😂. The hard thing starts from tomorrow: I have another test next Tuesday, this one will be 100% hard. I'll start studying from tomorrow. Bad thing: didn't study any of my courses for the past two days. I'll force myself to study something this Sunday, otherwise I'll become a potato from that moment! (if I'll study something tomorrow, it still counts as me studying in Sunday.) P.S. Don't want to become potato🥔😱
  13. WuqingDi

    Moving on

    If it was me, I wouldn't use, because it'll constantly make me remember blizzard 😄 In my honest opinion, it seems like you are going very hard on yourself. I'd suggest taking things in your own pace, but I can't fully understand your situation and I don't know you well, so you can take it as a stranger's advice. Just want to say that sometimes even unrelated people can give you some "brain food" to think about. But if I'm mistaken about you, then don't bother with my nonsense😅 Also, I think you have good qualities which I find very important, but lack them: persistence and a good amount of patience. Maybe(I'm sure) you have even more. Try to think positively, even if your character isn't optimistic. Hope you'll get better!
  14. Good luck, brother! Hope you'll have good results
  15. DAY 9 Didn't really skip the college, dunno why but after waking up I found strength to do things in the right way. The only awful part of the day is that I have a headache for nearly half a day: from the morning till around 5-6 p.m, frantically, I was killing my mind trying to code a program in the wrong way. Funny thing, I knew it was wrong, but still kept persisting up, hoping to find a good solution to a hopeless case. Good thing: I, indeed, have resolved it, only to find out in the end that I can't run my programm: I couldn't apply my solution to a real-time run. Finally gave up with satisfaction (I know it's kinda vague, but it'll take too long to express it all, so summarising: tried to do something in a stupid way, knew it was stupid but still kept doing it, only to find out (nearly after half a day of effort) that it was impossible. Well, it's a good thing to give some "food" to your brain, but then you become zealos it always ends bad...)
  16. Nobody knows, it's normal to feel ambiguous about future. If there aren't any important tasks, I'd suggest you to take a pause from coding or try to learn another programming language. If you take a pause, even one month will do you good. Also, I'd suggest you choice a path you want to follow and stick to it (at least for some time), i.e. what you want to do as a coder: web developing (front-end. back-end), MAC, Windows app developer, phone app developer, etc. Try to find what you want to do as a coder, then find some information about skills you'll need to have and start building your foundation. If you have motivation, learning new things will be enjoyable and also rewarding. I can relate that programming tasks from school can sometimes kill all motivation to code (and even see something that'll remind you about it), but if you do it out of passion it'll become 100 time better and more enjoyable than ever. Whatever you'll choice, be it a pause or a new language (or just sticking to c++), good luck! At times like this, I just listen to System of a Down - Lonely Day🤣
  17. What programming languages do you learn at your school? CodeAcademy is a good way to start, but it depends on personal motivation to continue in that environment. I like more something like courses on udemy. It's paid ones, but it doesn't cost you too much and gives you a good environment (not the best) to place yourself while learning coding. Also, in my first year (near the end of college's year) I became so irritated with coding that I didn't touch it for 3 remaining months, and even more so during summer vacations. After starting my second year I suddenly found myself incompetent, it ignited me to learn more. I love to code, but because of gaming I couldn't devote myself completely to coding. Now, after stoping gaming, I find motivation to even learn new programming languages. P.S: If it's your first year lerning to code, I think you lost motivation because you still don't understand it enough. I have a lot of classmates who had the same problem as you, just try to stick to it. It becomes more interesting as you learn more. Also, you might incounter another problem: as you learn more, your ego starts growing bigger. Some internship will help you keep it at check, but it's future problem, not current so don't bother with me, haha. Good luck in your fight with addiction!
  18. Welcome. Just try not to blame yourself too hard. I think your problem is that you understand your shortcomings and want to fix it, but you fear uncertain. I felt it too, but found an outlet faster. Just try something, it doesn't need to be something big: start watching some tv series, for example. If you become bored, start reading a book, etc. It's hard for the first time because you are accustomed to gaming. I think, maybe, you have something that you like, but don't treat it as "occupation", more like a "pause" or "relaxation" after gaming. You can do it more if it's not youtube videos with game's content. Be wary of that. Exercising is also a good way to free your mind. You don't need to go to gym directly, just try some jogging(you don't need to run for 2 hours straight from the start) or some stretching. If you don't like it then just forget. Heck, you can even start learning new language or start coding. Maybe you're in a state you know you need to try something new, but don't want it or feel uncertain. It's the case then you don't need to listen to yourself: trying new things is the right way, it doesn't matter if you abandon it after some time. The points is, you won't be gaming and your mind won't be occupied with gaming.
  19. DAY 8 These 2 days I went ahead with my course, it's really a good way to not think about games, just need to be busy enough. (I have a test tomorrow, so I couldn't work a lot on my course). The downside is stress and some emptiness, when I don't want to do anything, but ultimately force myself. In the end, by today's evening I've decided to skip a day at college tomorrow. I know it's bad to run away from the problems, but better that than gaming out of stress. Maybe I pity myself too much, but better safe than sorry. I'll just find a caffe and read a book for some hours, maybe I'll code something interesting. Nothing in common with that college dictates me to code. I need to refresh myself out of this vicious cycle before it'll eat me whole. I don't know if somebody can relate: you don't do anything special, just your normal routine, but if you do it for so much time if starts to kill you from inside. Some family problems also played a part. Good thing I didn't game and even took less time watching/associating with any game's content, so even in these conditions I feel a little proud and hopeful about future. Some thoughts: gaming addiction is a bad thing (as is any other type of addiction), but seeing some progress (even a little) is giving you joy. For me, even the smallest amount of joy is giving me strength. So, I hope nothing major will happen and I'll continue like this (didn't mean escaping my problems by that, I'll try to avoide it in the future)
  20. @mattso thx for sharing your opinion (and for the video, didn't know there was an youtube channel) and also for encouraging. I came to the same conclusion: if I don't want to do anything because I think games are an better option then moreso I just HAVE TO do something. DAY 6 Today I bought some new courses on udemy, it's always fun to learn new things (at least at the start :D). Also, it feels great because being busy had me not thinking about games. Oh, and I watched pilot of Prison Break (which my friend called the best tv show ever). I found it interesting, but usually I can't watch more than one episode per day, because it becomes boring somehow, which is sad because I won't have time for at least next 2-3 days (have a test at wednesday, need to prepare). Good monday to you guys, hope you'll cope with it (wish it never started T_T)
  21. DAY 5 Today was great, I've learned the numbers in chinese (and also a little of names, but I'm still bad at it) with DuoLingo. Later just spent time watching youtube, which feels ok because I didn't watch any game's content. Surprisingly, I've found a good film on netflix. It was about Einstein with a typical catchy title (something like "inside the mind of..."). Nevermind the title, it was really interesting (not novative, but it's my first film about Enstein, so I took a pleasure watching it). Bad thing, I again had some thoughts about gaming. It's getting harder to controll myself, but for today I'm still ok. The only problem is that right now I feel literally exhausted without doing anything. I think it's like this because I had two free hours when I didn't have to do anything, and usually I'd play some games in times like this, but now I don't know (and neither want) to do anything. How can I describe it? Frustrating. I've finally casted aside gaming hoping to do more productive things, but I still pity myself and laze around. Hope I'll be able to cope with my desires...
  22. DAY 4 Morning was good, but had a little headache when it was nearing midday. Now I need to go to the library, it opens at 2 pm. I can't study at home, it's sad that I have only 1 hour to get from college to library (with house as an intermediate point where I can have lunch). This is the busiest time of the day for me. Also, I have a test tomorrow. After 2 hours of reviewing test materials I think I'm ready. Still have around 3 hours before it's closing, so might as well study something else. Oh, and I've tried DuoLingo. It's funny I didn't know about it before. I wanted to study chinese for some time already, but didn't have any resources and always was saying to myself "it will take so much time to collect the resources". And that time was always dedicated to gaming. Now I can learn it in meantime, while doing what I have to do for now: getting driving license, not falling behind in my college and aslo lerning more programming. After finishing my driving exams I'll go to the gym. Didn't go there for 3-4 years, it's gonna help with disciplining myself I think (hope to cop with it, no snapping, no escaping and no gaming, amen). After going home I've studied some programming, now I plan to watch something on netflix and go to sleep. Bad thing I nearly had a snap: a desire to play some heartstone with my new deck is so big I can't expresss it. But still, I persevere.
  23. WuqingDi

    Moving on

    Hope you'll get better, being sick is the worst. It's good that you are more stable now, as the saying goes "time is healing". You'll get over it, eventually. Just don't give up!
  24. Well, first of all: good luck in your attempts! Hope you'll succeed and achieve all your goals. Also, I quite envy you: I don't see any dreams when I'm asleep, but I'm sure if I did, I'd see games too... so maybe it's ok then?🤔
  25. Good luck on your exam! I think it's ok to have slight slips in initial periods ('caz I have them too :D).
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