BigOlBeartic's Journal

[Guest]

omy lord wow thats a lot of dogs. My sister and I are still trying to adjust to the work and time that he requires!

This is Day 10 Tuesday 3.13.18!

Spring break is going pretty well. this past weekend I did homework, met old friends, took care of our new dog.

We took him to the vet this weekend too, b/c he had reoccurring cough. Oh and eysterday my boss cussed at me for a dumb reason -_- . I like working part time but not when the boss doesn't even respect you enough to communicate with you in a decent way. D= wellll everybody at the job hates her too so ... eh. at starbucks rn gonna get an hour of studying in before work.

[info-gatherer]

Well I guess I’m not the only person on earth who would thoroughly enjoy to spank his boss, but I still want to say that I can relate. The dude (or the girl) doesn’t respect you, and what you can do? Absolutely nothing. It’s very frustrating. Just carry on and you’ll eventually get your freedom back when your contract expires. Looking back at my only working experience, 5 months in a start-up last year, I have to say that it was very hard at times, but I learned A LOT about how to deal with people & a lot of other stuff, and in the end it was 100% worth it. I hope it’ll be the same for you :)

Edited March 13, 2018 by info-gatherer

[Guest]

LOL and Danke :) Its definitely a struggle, this is a part time job so I technically could quit right now but I thought it would be good for me to have this on the side.. but now I've got that year long internship secured i'm not sure about if I want to stay in it..? Idk I guess we'll see. Maybe I could just reduce to 10H a week or so. and .. this is Day 11 Wednesday 3.14.18! Wowza, spring break is halfway done. BTW our first test got put in for proofs and the class average was a 54.1 .. I got a 53 .. D: I did all my homework and studied as well... definitely feeling down about this but our final exam score replaces our lowest test score, if we do better on it. So I still have hope. In the group chat someon said that their friend made a 34 on the first test and ended up with a 89 in the class.

[Guest]

Still Day 11, pissed at myself rn cuz I spent 3 and a half ish hours after work trying to figure out some code. The thing about coding is if you're new to a certain concept it can take hours to figure out some tiny problem that would be obvious to someone more experienced, at least thats how its been with me.

Im pissed at myself for this b/c I could have just stopped and not spent that time today, and asked my questions to my project leaders on monday. I read somewhere that productive people are really effective at time management. Me spending 3 hrs on this stupid thing while I could have waited till next monday to ask my project leaders is an example of bad time management imo, b/c it would be obvious to them how to do it. :I Mean while I could have watched a movie today or something, or went to my friend's house. GAH FUCkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk welll.. i'm home now Imma eat and watch somethign, cant really do anything about time thats already spent :(

Got an interview for a new part time job next monday btw, this one's about programming so if i get it i can leave my current one which is not related to my career goals. Im also still really bad about going to bed on time, I know I posted it as a goal in one of my previous journal entries, but it slipped again. Today imma try to be in bed by 12:30 am.

Sorry this is kind of a quick blurb, I just wanted to get it all out

[info-gatherer]

You spent 3 hours on it but in the end you figured it out. It’s not only about solving that single problem, but getting better at solving the whole class of related problems, what G. Bateson called “deutero-learning”. I’d say it’s worth it :)

just my 2 cents

[Guest]

Thanks info :)

Day 13! Friday 3.16.18

long day at work. I still havent sold my ps4 / 3ds though they're just sitting in thier boxes. as I was reading Bugg's journal I realized that. I'm gonna do that this weekend.

Also still pretty bad about sleeeping on time, i feel like its my next biggest weakness that could improve my life the most if I fixed it. Today I'm gonna sleep sleep by 12 (yesterday i slept at 11:30

Edited March 17, 2018 by Guest

[Guest]

Day 14

I failed at sleeping on time yesterday..

I don't know why its so hard for me... its also one of the last days of spring break... idk.. i'll go to bed by 1:30 am today :I.. but you know what? It is spring break and I think I do deserve this little indulgence a little b/c i have been doing well. Idk. thoughts anyone?

Btw, anyone know any good manga to read like one punch man? :D

Edited March 18, 2018 by Guest

[JanG]

When do you get up in the morning, when would you like to sleep by and what do you spend your time on by the evening times?

[Guest]

Thanks for the comment, helps me commit some times. 10:00-11 pm be in bed. get up by 6:00 - 6:30 AM.

I spend it watching movies, anime, which is not good at all..

I'm gonna make this a big goal, and try to do 90 days of it along with the gaming detox.

[JanG]

Im asumming you watch it on your phone? I don't have that vice right now myself, but i read another gamequitter contemplated getting an alarm clock, so he could put the phone in another room when he went to bed? Other than that detoxing from it might be a good idea then. Just be sure you don't deplete yourself of enjoyment totally. Can't just sit on a chair and stare at the wall long before relapsing :D

[Guest]

@JanG Usually on my laptop. it happens when I'm about to sleep, brushed / ready To go to bed and then I start thinking about a certain insecurity usually or just start worrying about random crap. I spend like an hour doing that and realize it, then my mind is so abuzz I feel like I need a half hour or so to relax again in order to fall asleep. This happens even at the end of a very productive day. Like.. how much do I have to abuse myself before I can change?

If I can just go to bed on time and wake up early, as I've said before, I feel like this will be the next huge step to improving my life. I failed yesterday, I was up till 1 with anxiety :/.. I'll do my best today though. It's a lot harder for me than quitting games.. rather than Not do something I have to commit to actively doing something if that makes sense. 

BUT!!! Day 15, My interview today for the part time programming job went awesome!!!!!! I absolutely killed it!!! :) i had to do some small programming problems and answer some questions about myself. I now have to create a small app as a test stage for the job and if I do that successfully, I'm in. :D through the roof rn! 

I was feeling terrible before the interview cuz I was occupied w how I look. That anxiety aspect again.

But, When I think about it, I have a lot of respect for certain people I know, some mentors, who don't specifically look "attractive/professional" who I want to be like one day. 

After acing the interview, I thought: " I look fine / great what was I worried about! " seems like a matter of perspective. If I can eliminate that time of anxiety before I go to bed and therefore spend less thinking about my insecurities, I think I will be golden. I actually love programming and am passionate about it. And I can't wait to start that job. I don't want these small issues to build up and get in my way and make me see myself in the most negative light. The first step will be to go to bed on time today, at 10:30-11. 

 

I dont eant want to be a person who is obsessed with their negative traits. I want to be someone who leaves their negative past behind and their entire mind is focused on making the best of the day/life. That is the entire purpose of this journal and I think I forgot that a little midway through this. 

Edited March 19, 2018 by Guest

[Tycoon]

2 hours ago, BigOlBeartic said:

BUT!!! Day 15, My interview today for the part time programming job went awesome!!!!!! I absolutely killed it!!! :) i had to do some small programming problems and answer some questions about myself. I now have to create a small app as a test stage for the job and if I do that successfully, I'm in. :D through the roof rn! 

Nice one man! You might get a job doing your hobby - that's the dream right there. Go smash it!

[Guest]

Thanks:) 

Day 16, ashamed to say I failed going to sleep on time once again. Up till 11:45 this time and now just got up at 8:45. Once again was on my laptop. I actually woke up at 6 but for some reason went back to bed (probably anxiety again)? And then woke up groggy of course.. ugh 

how I'm gonna change today: I'm gonna get an alarm clock. I'm gonna turn my phone and laptop off, pack them in my bag for the next day and go into my room with just my alarm clock. Thanks Jan for the idea.

Edited March 20, 2018 by Guest

[JanG]

Glad  i could help you out mate, best of luck with it

[Guest]

STARTING TO MAKE THE APP :)) Its for the final stage to land this job, which I think i mentioned in my last post. eeek lol downloading android studio rn. :)
I definitely feel some measurable growth here =) glad im not getting that sense from gaming

[Guest]

Note to self: I need to be more patient when driving. I started driving by myself recently and noticed I'm too hasty sometimes. Could end up really bad so just writing this down. 

Bought a small alarm clock for 5 bucks today for the sleep issue :)

Btw I just have to get this part in my journal: my biggest insecurities are my eyebrows, and my teeth. Silly, I know. But thats just how it turned out for me. I want to spend money to fix these insecurities in the future, only when I'm stable in my career and have some spare money. Once i'm done with college and have paid of my student loans. Any thoughts on spending money on insecurities?

Edited March 21, 2018 by Guest

[Guest]

Day 17

The alarm clock approach worked. I left my phone and laptop outside my room and went to bed the earliest I have in a week. 11:20. Still not at my goal of 10:30, Hopefully I can get there today. I had the best sleep I've had in a long time. I got up at 8:15. Yea, I know that's 9 hours x_x. I don't know if that's b/c my sleep schedule is constantly chaotic (so I constantly need to catch up on sleep) or if I just naturally need a lot of sleep. I guess we'll see soon as my sleep schedule stabilizes.

I still feel groggy b/c I'm not used to this sleep schedule. Hopefuly it will fade. Today, 10:30 PM. Let's make it happen.

note to self: check what the temperature will be before sleeping 'cuz tonight I was freezing and shivering when I woke up. It was in the 30's outside.

 

Edited March 21, 2018 by Guest

[Guest]

No Gaming Day 18

Sleep Day 1

I DID IT!!! Went to bed right on time and woke up feeling incredibly rested :) Phone and laptop in another room as always. AAAAAAAAAAAH lol :D so excited to have done this. Not only do I feel well rested, I look fantastic. Sometimes when I'm groggy i notice my face looks a bit swollen. But now that I've been following an earlier sleeping time I'm looking much better =).

So slept at 10:30, got up at 7:50. That is 9 hours and 10 minutes though, still. I think part of what is causing long sleeping times is

1) my body is still adjusting to the schedule (its only been 4 days ive been trying to get on the new schedule)

2) I eat way too much spicy crap before sleeping, and i think my body spends energy tryign to digest that. I wake up with a stomachache for the past few days. So this time I'm gonna try to avoid eating those types of foods before sleeping. 

 

general life update: been working on the app to get the new job, using android studio.. it's going ok so far, just trying to learn how to navigate through the system. So far I got a skeletal layout done and also learned a few simple things about how to code buttons and layouts etc. They said I could stop by with questions, and I'm gonna try to do that next week. I was gonna do it this morning but I had an advising appointment and driving to campus then away then to again would take too much valuable time.  Oh btw this summer I'm taking 2 summer classes at a community college and then transfer those over. That leaves a little less than 3 semesters to graduation. The internship I got lasts 3 semesters. Hopefully at least one of those semesters lands during the summer e_e b/c trying to take summer classes can get expensive real quick. I have a feeling its going to be fall/fall/fall =I

 

 

 

 

Edited March 22, 2018 by Guest

[Guest]

Good busy day, feel like a robot x_x i masturbated today which took like 30 minutes of my time ;-; when I got home , gonna try to stop doing that as I just feel guilty after. wish i had walked in the park or something instead.

in starbucks rn working on hmwk/app x_x which is kinda fun but eh..

Edited March 23, 2018 by Guest

[Guest]

No gaming day 19

sleep day 2

ok, I slept 9 hours again... it seems I just need 9 hours of sleep to function. I'm just gonna try to go to bed earlier, 9:30. I feel like a little kid lol.. hate that I need that much sleep.

these days have been so busy! A new goal in the name of overcoming limits: go outside/to the park as a break instead of watching tv/anime as too much time flies by 

Edited March 23, 2018 by Guest

[Guest]

No gaming Day 20

Sleep Day 3

Pretty good day.... went out to starbucks, studied, feeling like I won;t get this app done for the new job though... feeling kinda overwhelmed with it.

[Guest]

Everyone on the forum seems to be doing so well. Well I'm back on day 0. it's midnight right now. I keep overwhelming myself w too many goals burn out and end up back in this hell.  The furthest I made it was on my first try like what, day 30-40? Now I relapsed on day 20.

 gonna make some changes to give more attention to my detox rather than also trying to make myself be the worlds best programmer in 90 days :(

[JSmith]

Don't worry man, shit happens, we're all human. Props to you for already thinking about adjustments.

[Dannigan]

25 minutes ago, BigOlBeartic said:

Everyone on the forum seems to be doing so well. Well I'm back on day 0. it's midnight right now. I keep overwhelming myself w too many goals burn out and end up back in this hell.  The furthest I made it was on my first try like what, day 30-40? Now I relapsed on day 20.

 gonna make some changes to give more attention to my detox rather than also trying to make myself be the worlds best programmer in 90 days :(

Hey,

You are not back at day 0.  I think the problem with this 90 Day goal challenge, sometimes, is that when people slip up, there is too much focus on the relapse.  Instead, count the total number of days that you did NOT game.  What I did in the past, when I wrote my journals, was re-read my entries after a couple of weeks.  It made me feel good when I read what kind of small goals I achieved because I wasn't gaming.  This can give you positive feedback, especially during the times when nobody responds to your journal entries.  Reflect on your progress every now and then.  And remember that everyone struggles.  Sometimes we're not always doing well on the outside, even though it appears that way. 

[info-gatherer]

You’re doing great, but you need consistency. Just do one little thing at a time. The detox should be your main concern. You made it 40 days, you can make 90 with ease.

You were one of the first persons to reply to my journal when I landed in here and your posts have always been a big inspiration for me. You taught me to set goals, not just sit my ass on a chair for 90 days and hope not to be too bored. You have the right mindset, and there’s absolutely no reason for you to fail. Start over and do it, maybe take it easier as you said, don’t set up TOO MANY or unrealistic goals. A step at a time. As always, I root for you and am willing to give you all the support you need.