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JanG

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Everything posted by JanG

  1. 16/04/18 - Day 30 Diary Not been sticking around the forums as much lately, but take it as a good sign. I've become more independent in my attempt to become a non-gamer, and i dont require the community i found here as much. I don't think too much about gaming anymore and im really happy about it. I figured i would come back since its my one month anniversary. I've been having a few withdrawals the last couple of days, itching to play games like rimworld and dwarf fortress. But i have been resisting them no problem lately. Just figured its something to put in the diary. Good luck to all ya all, and to the few friends i've gotten here, im still looking once in a while, just not with the same vigor i used to.
  2. 03/04/18 - Day 18 Diary Not much happened yesterday, but i'm starting a diet today or tomorrow. Haven't really decided yet. It's Keto and i've done it before, and the introductory period is so much nicer when you have done some preparation. Not much new since yesterday. But im still truckin on!
  3. If you make some, put em up here, would love to see them
  4. 02/04/18 - Day 17 Diary Oh wow i got a long break from my computer, hence the reason i haven't been keeping up lately. A little over a week ago i packed my computer down to make desk-space to play some boardgames with some mates. Didn't get around to pack out my PC again afterwards, as i wasnt using it that much after quitting gaming. Went to visit my parents at their vacation home during the easter. Came back some days ago, but kept busy with more board games, more cooking and a lot of reading and many walks. In the last week i've decided to start studying again this summer, and find a job as whatever i can get until then to earn some monays. Gonna contact an agency tomorrow and see how it goes, as its still closed for easter. Im very happy to be back at the forums. @BigOlBeartic THanks man, yeah i have been battling with low self-esteem all my life. But unfortunately its not as easy as just persuading oneself. :/
  5. Just checking in. Been a busy few days. Will make a decent entry later
  6. 24/03/18 - Day 8 Diary Yesterday was pretty decent, i met up with my father for coffee and croissants. Great time, and got to talk about some stuff in my future. Today im meeting up with a couple pals to cook the shit out of some fancy fish. Cant wait its gonna be great. Diary of thoughts Gave myself the day off completely. But i feel like i've lost my drive for the day being atleast. Instead of getting up early and take a shower and some meditation (headspace app) and go for a walk, i just dragged myself to my sofa and watched some netflix, for some hours. Now that im looking at it in retrospect, i think i forgot how to relax without gaming. Its only a couple hours of entertainment before my friends come over, and i probably shouldn't feel to guilty about it right? Grateful (atleast 3) Past me have been very good at planning social events this weekend, so im reaping the benefits now. My apartment is almost squeeky clean. Bedsheets and windows could use a hand, but thats about it Started reading a book about perfectionism, thanks @Arch Ungrateful (up to 3) Still feel guilty about some work ethics stuff.
  7. Thanks a lot Arch, will give it a look right away!
  8. Hey again friend, and grats on the two months! I can only come with experience from my life. I have a group of IRL mates that go back 6-7 years. So we've known eachother for quite a while. Now the humor in this group is often at somebodies expense. It's always have been and i guess we have just stuck to it. Some people are more often the expense of a joke than others, but most people take a beating at some point. However at a party some months ago a friend dragged me aside, and said he was uncomfortable with how often he was made fun of. It took me completely unawares, since this is how "humor" had been handled in that group for the past many years. He's a great friend and ever since i've been conscious about not hurting his feelings, because thats not the point of it, the entire point of making fun was to make people laugh. I had just assumed it was fine because it seemed that way. My point is that there's quite a good chance that they don't realise that it makes you uncomfortable to be made fun of. From here i see two solutions Talk with them/him about it, and hope that he understands. However this might be too intimate if you are 'new' friends. Accept that there's a good chance that they aren't intentionally calling you out to harm you. Just trying to have fun. This one is a little hard, as it can be quite difficult persuading youself to let it slide, instead of taking offense. Even on a subconscious level. Good luck with it
  9. 23/03/18 - Day 7 Diary Heyo! Anniversary day! I can't believe it's only been a week. Time truly moves slower without gaming, im not complaining though :) Yesterday i went to the last of the three interviews. Unfortunately they didn't want me. I had the feeling pretty early in the interview that the interviewer had made his mind before i came in, but wanted to give it a shot anyway. We talked for quite a while, and i learned a few things about being employed in a place like theirs. It wasn't too bad, but now its almost weekend. Got a few arrangements filled up, so i can enjoy my weekend being social with friends. Gonna cook some delicious food on saturday and play Gloomhaven on sunday! Diary of thoughts I still feel beat down, i applied for a bunch of jobs a couple weeks ago, which resulted in me having three interviews this week alone, and to be honest i have been dreading them. I admitted to myself that im probably underqualified. I was looking forward to get it over with, not get a job, and then working as a temp somewhere else until summer so i can start studying or something. But yesterday i got a new invite to another interview, and i should be happy about, but at the same time i feel like i already know how it will work out, and i don't wanna go through this again just for the sake of doing it. It wouldn't be until after easter, and i cant really go about getting a temp job before im done interviewing? Maybe i could. i don't know. Grateful (atleast 3) Weekend is almost upon us, and i will spend it with great people! Might go somewhere to spend easter, don't know yet. Getting mah pappa on visit for coffee this afternoon, gonna be great! Grateful about this community, honestly guys, it fills my heart comming here. Ungrateful (up to 3) Still trying to deal with the procrastination. Here in DK we had 2 days that signaled that spring had begun, but it was just a bait :( Responds @Tycoon Thanks for the words. I did a lot of thinking about the worst possible outcome, and put plainly it's the exact same situation as im already in, being jobless. I think some of the doubt/guilt comes from fear of dissapointing the parents you know? @BigOlBeartic, @Pierce, @Cam Adair Yeah you are right, most of the time the "pain" goes away when you actually get started. And thanks for the kind words pierce
  10. Hey guys. I recently got the idea that i might suffer from a pretty big fear of failure. I think im a perfectionist, but not in a good way, i worry too much about everything i do, and every assignment. To the point were it's hurting my ability to even start on projects. Have any of you felt this way, and/or do you know a good way to work on it?
  11. 22/03/18 - Day 6 Diary Another day, another interview. By the end of the week i should have a decent amount of experience huh? :D The interview yesterday went pretty well. I think they liked me as a person, but were still kinda on the fence about my technical skills. I choked a bit during the in-interview code questions, i guess i've been reliant on figuring out solutions with the help of the internet, that im unpracticed in comming up with convincing solutions on the spot. I didn't beat myself up too much, but i could feel i was dissapointed in myself. They send me home with a code test i have to send them at some point, but i can feel an aura of anxiety about it. Today i got yet another interview, and i don't feel too nervous about it to be honest. It's also later in the day compared to the rest, so might be just because it's not "around the corner" yet. Diary of thoughts I still have that stupid anxiety about programming. Specifically the code test they gave me. I received it in an email, and i haven't opened it yet. Not because im not interested. I guess im scared of not being able to complete it or something of the like, and like schrodingers cat i dont know if i will pass or fail if i just dont look. I guess not completing it will be a fail aswell, so now im trying to measure when it would be acceptable to complete it. I don't know why i do this. Is this the sort of stuff you go into therapy for? From my point of view it just seems that im being an immature kid, but i cant seem to change myself. Grateful (atleast 3) Went to visit a friend after the interview yesterday. I've mostly talked with him online, and i hadn't actually seen where he lived. Was nice and we planned to cook together saturday Told my mom i aint playing games anymore. Made it sound like a casual decision, which is what i wanted. Weekend soon, and i can chill with some mates for some days. Will be nice Ungrateful (up to 3) Still have the anxiety about programming, need to figure out a way to control it Responds @BigOlBearticI like the advice, but the issue is i can't make myself do the first 5 minutes. I feel scared of them. It sounds stupid but i just meet an internal resistance when i think about doing it. I know it's a long shot, but have any advice on solving that?
  12. Consider that maybe your actual friends had nothing to do with the invites. For them its just as awkward. They for sure knew you weren't invited, and for them it's not nice trying to force the rest of the group to invite you just so they dont have to carry the guilt of you not being invited. It's an awkward place for multiple people here, and i suggest you dont put too much thought on it. There's also the chance that they know you well enough, that you wouldn't be interested. All in all dont blame them too much. I think you should own up to it, you don't have to forgive yourself of it, but atleast recognize this is something that you have done, and you aren't proud of it. Maybe you still feel a lot of regret, but don't try and supress your past and imagine it never happened. Fact is that you gamed way too much for way too long, and thats just how it is. Whats wrong with people knowing that about you? There's multiple flaws that pains people's past, some are gambling, some are addicts of different kinds and probably many more things. That doesnt mean i judge them, if they actively know it was bad for them and have quit.
  13. 21/03/18 - Day 5 Diary Yesterday i went to the first job interview of the three i have this week. And in my opinion the interview went pretty well, however i had a misunderstanding of what the job actually consisted of. They needed a person who knew about programming, to be their support and customer relations person in that branch. So you would know the technicalities about the customers problems, but the actual developers wouldn't be bothered by phone calls. I think i showed some dissapointment during the interview which ofcourse isn't great, and im not sure the job is right for. However thinking about it i think i've warmed more up to it, as it is a place where i can get my foot in, so to speak. Other than that i kinda wasted my day yesterday, i bought some items i neede for my home, and then just hanged around, talking with mates on discord and watching shit on the internet. Not too proud of that. Today i have another job interview, and for some reason i'm way more nervous about this one, than the one yesterday. Diary of thoughts I still feel kinda anxious about programming, and i want it gone. It must be something subconscious at this point. I have a decent/shitty idea i wanna do to learn a new javascript framework, but for some reason i deep down really dont want to get started. My leading theory is just resistance, i feel stressed about the job interviews, the job interviews is all about programming, and for that reason i find resistance when i want to do some programming at home. The issue with this is that im stubborn, i keep insisting i should start, but i never actually do begin. This ends up with me procrastinating for quite a while instead of just giving up, and do something else productive. Grateful Job interview went great yesterday, they will call me back before the week is up. Im glad that i got out both days while the weather was good. Job interviews will be over soon. Ungrateful I feel bad that this is so tolling on me, it should be a joy applying for a job, but its just misery. The weather is shit again I hate that i had a non-productive day yesterday, maybe i should try and have a plan-b hobby when my programming shuts off.
  14. Glad i could help you out mate, best of luck with it
  15. 20/03/18 - Day 4 Diary Yesterday was pretty good all things considered. The plan for the day was to transfer my simple discord bot over to an old raspberry pi i've had laying around for ages. However updating the system took ages, and i needed an extension cord to make to plug it into next to the router, and i had to repair an old one for that. In the end the pi ended up not working anyway, it wont play soundclips, and it wont give any error messages either, so i just dropped it. Feeling defeated, because i wanted to check out React.js aswell, and because the pi took so long i didnt get around to it. Hopefully i will today. The weather was really nice though and i walked for a long trip. Really joyful, glad i did it. Hopefully i can get one in today after the job interview is done. Diary of Thoughts Im still really nervous about the interview comming up later today, however it's not nearly as much as the last interview i was going to (which ended up getting postponed just in the nick of time, because the interviewer got the flu). So i guess im pleased with that, would like it to go away completely, but that might be unrealistic. I was surprised how sad i felt yesterday about not making the pi work, not mad or angry, just sad that i've wasted all that time when i could be checking out other coding related stuff. How ironic i can get that low about loosing a couple hours. Grateful Friends, i'm starting to appreciate being able to hang around the ol' discord channel and just chat with mates, without them being judgemental about not playing with them Found a couple new podcasts that i started listening to, not AMAZEBALLS not but they are quite fine. Im tote's gonna go for a walk again today, live close to the sea, so thats always beautiful to go and look at. Ungrateful I still hate how nervous i get about things such as job interviews and exams. I feel like the answer is to prepare more, but no matter how much i prepare i still have this feeling Still haven't told the old ones that i stopped gaming, just haven't come around to it Also still have that feeling of dread and feeling lost about what to spend the rest of my life on Responds: @BigOlBeartic Thanks for the words, it means a lot. Both as help in the jobhunt, but also just feel more welcome around here. I guess the application is just a grind, and i shouldn't take the misses too hard, still though. Didnt think about the job fairs, but tbh right now im exhausted about jobs. I kinda wanna follow through on the upcomming job interviews i got, and then if unsuccesfull just find a temp job untill the summer when i will then start studying again
  16. Im asumming you watch it on your phone? I don't have that vice right now myself, but i read another gamequitter contemplated getting an alarm clock, so he could put the phone in another room when he went to bed? Other than that detoxing from it might be a good idea then. Just be sure you don't deplete yourself of enjoyment totally. Can't just sit on a chair and stare at the wall long before relapsing :D
  17. 19/03/18 - Day 3 Diary Yesterday went by in a storm, compared to the day before it. Started out the day working on a discord bot, and before i knew it, it was noon. A friend came over and we just chilled until it was time to go to the museum, and what a great trip! Afterwards i finished up my code, and just dicked around for a bit trying to find new "bitpop" artirts, but i think the genre is dead/dying :(. Diary of thougths I know only a few day has passed since i officially quit, but today is my week annivercary since i last played a game, and im so happy about the "new" me. Im doing all the little things that "old me" wished i could be bothered to do. Hope this feeling lasts, because it's amazing. However all entertainment seems dead to me. Movies are boring, shows are boring, youtube is boring. Nothing can hold my interest atm. I wonder if this is the dopamine tolerance i've gotten from gaming in action? Or it might just be because i've never actually enjoyed it that much, and just had it running while gaming? i don't know, it seems frustrating right now because i cant just be programming all the time. When im cooking, or eating i would like to watch something, but everytime i just watch 1-5 minutes and the close it down, looking for another video/etc that could entertain me. Grateful Weather is getting a lot better, even though it's still cold, its much prettier to look at from the inside Got started on my own programming projects, previously i would want to do something, but never actually sat around until inspiration hit me. My sickness is clearing up, and i might be able to start working on getting git soon. Ungrateful The job interviews are still giving me some nervousness, even though i've found more confidence from my programming yesterday Haven't told my parents that i've stopped yet, deep down i dont want to admit to them that i was addicted, since i have been defending myself from that for so long Bitpop is dead
  18. Hey Peter, happy to meet you. I'm new to gamequitting aswell, so i don't have too much to give you, but diets i know. I have done multiple diets, and given them fair chance (imo), lost weight with them, lost interest again and gained the weight back. Rewind and repeat. However this gives me a pretty good measure for comparing them between eachother. Im assuming when you say that you will "fast", that you are following the 5:2 diet, and not just fasting blindly? To me the 5:2 diet is pretty decent at what it does, but in my case i ended up stalling pretty early. I think the mindset that the diet gives you is "lazy", eating w/e you want and still loose weight. I believe it to be a wrong way to think about your health, that you can still be unhealthy as long as you are unhealthy in the extreme opposite to balance it out. If you are looking for the best diet out there, i would recommend Keto. It is a bit extreme and comes with an introdoctory period where you dont eat carbs, and your body is thrown in a loop. However with that said, there's loads of resources out there, and great recipes. And when you are sitting at dinner eating steak + salad, you dont feel that compromised. Deffinitely the breakfast is the hardest to get right imo. Anyways thats just my 2 cents. I burned out on fasting after a month or so, and keto kept me going for a lot longer, and with faster weightloss aswell.
  19. Thanks for your thoughts. I'm still new here so i don't want to sound like a wiseguy, but i have accepted that me and my friends are different beings, and that they can handle their games, while i cannot. They are not addicts, or they aren't nearly as addicted as i was, and are capable of having a life next to gaming. Sadly im not like that, but because i know that i wont feel "cheated" when other people are able to control their lives while having the pleasures of gaming. It's my weakness, not their strength. But i feel healthy knowing that is how it is. Stay strong pal!
  20. When do you get up in the morning, when would you like to sleep by and what do you spend your time on by the evening times?
  21. 18/03/18, Day 2 Oh boy did i have a lot of thoughts throughout yesterday, that i couldnt wait to put in my journal. First of all, how slow time goes, usually i would kill all my spare time with games or videos of people playing them, and would be able to "burn" off a saturday with ease. Yesterday by the time it hit noon i was flabbergasted that more time havent passed. It's super nice, but i guess only so long as theres stuff to fill the schedule. Yesterday i was able to keep busy mostly by just getting overdue housework done. After getting a few hours into my day the cravings subsided heavily and havent felt them since, later in the evening i actually went on discord where my friends sat and gamed (just two of them). Was able to talk with them while doing some programming without getting tempted at all, thats a big success for me, since i'm a pretty social being and i need some way of talking to friends. Planned a few events aswell. Today im going to the museum i mentioned previously with a friend of mine and my parents, gonna be pretty nice. I had a weird situation yesterday with programming. I was reluctant to go back to it, anxious kinda, i reckon it's because its so closely tied to my "previous" person, that my brain has some trouble telling it apart from eachother, i did however cheat my anxiety by just starting to work on a simple discord bot, for pranking my mates. And the anxiety didn't ever "trigger". Im gonna try and plot down 3 things im grateful for and three things i wish was better every day from now on Grateful Never got addicted to phone games, i reckon this makes it easier to quit as it is physically easier to distance you from the games Got a lot of housework done yesterday My trip to the museum later today Ungrateful Still anxious about the job interviews comming up It's SO bloody cold in denmark right now, its below freezing but it's the winds that makes it killer. And we are halfway through March, pleeease, i wanna go on walks without wanting to end myself. My body is still kinda weak, just getting out of a flu, wish it would clear up soon Responds: @info-gatherer Thanks a lot for the words of encouragement, it's nice to know that you are allowed to "pace" yourself during the intro days. And i can only agree that quitting the videos was the biggest impact to me. @JSmith Yeah i didn't want to go cold turkey for the same reason. There's plenty of really good videos on the site, and most aren't gaming related, i specifically like videos where people create stuff. William Osman, Colin Furze, Michael reevex(?) and co. are some channels i can recommend if you want to look into that kinda stuff
  22. What a great way to think about it, good to hear you had a great day solo!
  23. Hey Tycoon, good to have you here. For a long time i was one of the friends that had more free time than others, and thus i have become distanced from old friends that i used to care for. I don't know your situation, but for me the guys i played with was my IRL friends before gaming aswell. I kinda want to try reconnecting with them on a non-gaming based activity now, so if this reflects your position, maybe you can reach out and find something in common with them. Something obscure even. Some of my friends got into amateur bonzai-trees and spends a load of time with that. Anyways, GL with it all
  24. Thanks for the words. I can identify with the CHOICE. I have always been very tied to my parents, not financially (although i am at the moment), but yesterday i realised that i dont think i have ever done anything major without my parents blessing. Now in and of itself that isnt a problem i think, however when you wait with doing anything because you want to run it by your parents first, it becomes very inhibiting, and ordinary day-to-day things ends up not getting done, e.g. i could never go and by new furniture for my apartment without asking them for input etc. To me it's always seemed that my parents have had everything under control, and i've never felt that way, but subconsciously i think i've over-relied on them to make decisions for me, because i would get cold feet on my own. Now that you mentioned it, i don't think its a coincidence i realised that i've not lived my own life, at the same point in time where i realised that my gaming addiction is detrimental towards me. Now that im reading what i wrote, i realise that this may seem very silly to outside eyes, but all i can say is that it probably stemmed from bad self-confidence from an early age, and me never realising that it isn't normal.
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