Hitaru 1119 Posted October 11, 2016 Author Share Posted October 11, 2016 (edited) In Russian, I only know "Moscow" and I think it is awesome!Which Moscow? The one by Dschinghis Khan, the one by Rammstein, the military march "Defenders of Moscow" or the folk song "Moscow Nights"? By the way, today is the day and coincidentally I think I'm settling for singing Moscow Nights. Or perhaps some second rate impersonation of Patti Smith? Man, in the end I won't be singing anything, I can feel it. I can relate to the situation with your mother, and I think I understand your frustration. It's absolutely obnoxious when someone takes you entirely for granted. When someone regards you as a side character in the movie of their life, when someone thinks the universe revolves around themselves only. I think your actions serve as an appropriate answer to her; she needs to understand that your time is valuable, and that you exist for your own, not her, purpose.Not trying to sound like a "know-it-all", just offering my opinion. Hope you figure out a solution, or atleast that you won't let the situation drag you down.Yeah and not only that, it's absolutely obnoxious when someone acts towards you according to the self-image they have of you (and what you should be) and not simple observation of facts. But if she feels too old to even try to paint (one of her dreams of youth), I can't conceive how impossible must feel to her to try to do or think things differently. That is sad and a waste of humanity. Humans weren't born to give up.Those people who consider life wrapped up and done by the 40s-50s really piss me off. They're like an invitation to suicide since, well, it's not like life is getting any better but increasingly worse. Like they are here because they have no other choice but they rather not be. And in that context of unwanted drama, I'm just another burden she can't shake off and has to suffer. Well fuck you I'm nobody's burden. And on top of that is that underlying believe that I won't be able to do anything worthy, that I'll just leech and fuck around stuck at home for the rest of my miserable life. She's poisoning her environment with her negativity. Or rather, she's poisoning me, since grandma literally doesn't know in which year she lives and she's a completely different person outside. Not a better one, she just acts bubbly and air-headed as if life wasn't about her.And then there go the unreasonable requests with no prior agreement or the assumptions that I'm not studying anything at all. She knows the difference, because there was a time were I wasn't studying anything and was playing instead. That's unfair, hypocritical and disrespectful to me, the three things I hate the most. But she won't stop staring at her own navel, as we say in spanish. It's not like I don't stare at my own navel too, but if I can do it without fucking with anyone, so can her.Look, I know she loves me, even if her only reason to do it was because she feels obligated and not by personal sympathy towards me. She's just probably dumb. Probably.I still can't get up early and seize the morning, I still don't eat healthy, I still don't do exercise. My life simply can't go on without those three things. If I fix those three things and still feel empty I'll have to greatly consider my next course of action.What's one actionable step for each? Can you try waking up 30 mins earlier than normal? Or going to sleep earlier? What's one meal you can replace with a healthier option? Can you go for a walk each morning? Do 10 push-ups? Keep experimenting.Folks here reported that small but constant exercise routines were really helpful to them (eg. doing pushups when they are at home and cross a door.), I could try that. About food is gonna be difficult now. And about sleep, sure, I can try to both wake up and go to bed earlier, then take a shower and be ready to seize the day before these motherfuckers (the workers) show up. I'm dying here otherwise. Edited October 11, 2016 by Hitaru Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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