Nice journal you got here, keep up the academic work! 

Whether you can or not, only you can decide

Edited October 26, 20169 yr by Reno F
spelling

Day 17

I have strong cravings today orz. I wanted to play a pet simulation game which I used to playing before quitting so badly and I used this reason to procrastinate on everything omg I just watched youtube and animation all the day. Fortunately i still didn't relapse.

Dont feel bad about it. You already got 17 days behind you. We all have our weak moments. You did not relapse that is something to be proud of! Now look inside yourself and think about what else you can be proud of (hint you continued your journal for example )

You are doing great!

Day 17

I have strong cravings today orz. I wanted to play a pet simulation game which I used to playing before quitting so badly and I used this reason to procrastinate on everything omg I just watched youtube and animation all the day. Fortunately i still didn't relapse.

So glad that you kept on going and read your progress now I am back again! Every time I have urges or I procrastinate, I acknowledge them (just as you did in your journal) and it helps me realize what I am doing. I am sure you will get over the urges and procrastinations

Thank you Lukas and yellow! I am lucky to be with this community otherwise I could not overcome the cravings so easily!

Day 18~19

I went to work in a exhibition. It's tedious and boring. I stopped thinking anything as I was tird after working for 11 hours.arh

Edited October 28, 20169 yr by Kiki

Day 20

I dreamed of myself playing video games and I even realised I relapsed in the dream lol. I forgot what I had played in the dream. Maybe it's because I watched anime right before sleep. I read and practised piano a bit today. I don't want to do anything orz

Hey Kiki,

the dreaming about playing games is absolutely normal, I have those too. Itsa little strange  when you realise inside your dream that you are doing something wrong and feel bad just to wake up and be reliefed.  Take it with some humor if possible everythin g is possible in dreams -  its the dreams and visons you have for your future that count,

My personal advice -  dont watch youtube or anime  the last hour before you go to sleep. It messes with the sleep cycle and I think healthy sleep is very important for you especially since you often work into the night... 

http://www.businessinsider.de/dont-check-your-smartphone-before-bed-2016-3?r=US&IR=T

I try to do some very easy exercises before I go sleeping like really very simple breathing or just relaxing techniques. Its also a good idea to go through the day and just take a minute to think about what you have achived and want to achive in the future. 

(remember to be proud of not gaming every day)

Day 20

I dreamed of myself playing video games and I even realised I relapsed in the dream lol.

I can relate to this.

It happened couple of times in my life, especially in the beginning of each detox. Sometimes it can be so real, that you're able to just go back and relapse in real life.

But don't be just discouraged by that. This sign means you're doing great!

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

Thank you your suggestion lukas! I should try doing something besides using my phone before sleep... 

Thanks mad scientist! I won't let my bad dream come true for sure!

Day 21

Finally exam tmr. I don't want to suffer aymore ugh

Today I went to the birthday party of my brother's friend haha. He is a artistic child and he is good at drawing. Even during the party, he is still drawing something. I think I should work harder too.

Good luck on your exam!

The relapse dreams. They always come, sooner or later. How interesting.

Good luck on your exam, Kiki!

Day22

ah I dont want to comment on my exam orz

My projects are posted here. I don't think they are something I can be proud of but maybe I should acknowledge my efforts spent on it??

My Secondary school are asking me to apply for the scholarship as I achieve satisfying results in the public exam. But how should I tell them I refuse to being admitted to Chinese medicine university and choose an art school instead?? My friend scolded me when I told them how many marks I got from the public exam and they told me I were wasting money and time on this art school lol. By far I had learnt nothing from the prof and I am practicing all by myself. I also couldn't think of any jobs that I can apply for after graduation besides jobs related to game design. I don't know whether I have chosen the right path.

(Working on progress)

The pics are all beautifull and I mean it. I know as the drawer you have a very subjectiv point of view and being self critical is an important skill but I really cant stresss enough that you should be proud of yourself and of the creative work you do! This was time you invested into something time you would have otherwise wasted on videogames or browsing it was your time and you used it for something good.

 

Take it easy kiki, I knok there is a ton of stuff for you on the horizont and I know that taking a job later is hard but opportunity is always there. Heck my father never finished his studies and yet build a company pretty much by his own. Try to go easy on yourself!

@Kiki

Your drawing is amazing, honest

Your pics are really cool. I don't know how much an art school will improve your drwaing skills but I am sure they learn some techniques and give you another perspective on how to draw. If you are worried about jobs I would advice you to try to get also into digital drawing. Not really my expertise but I am pretty sure that if you are able to draw really nice stuff n paper and design things on the computer also there are a lot of jobs out there.

https://www.totaljobs.com/careers-advice/job-profile/media-jobs/graphic-designer-job-description

Thanks everyone! I felt better now! @WorkInProgress I also did digital drawing! In fact I didn't use traditional media at all before having my foundation classes at college! I didn't take visual art as an elective when I was high school and I wasn't familiar with traditional media. The pictures I posted was my projects at college haha. Maybe I will post some here later! Thankyou for your suggestion! What i was looking for is jobs related to animation/sequential art/illustration/game design rather than pure design. But still thank you!

Lukas I definitely agree that spending time on drawing is a lot more meaningful to gaming haha

Day 23 

Waking up at 6 with lack of sleep to go to school, I suddenly had a feeling of depression and I thought I was unfortunate to have to wake up so early lol. However, something strange happened. When I was listening the song that has identical name to my journal (coldplay- army of one) , I somehow regard the 'you' in the lyrics as god (I am a Christian) and I thought all I was doing currently is for his sake. I dont know what kind of jobs I can apply for in the future but at least I can be a picture book artist and draw for god.

And it also remind me of the priest in my high school saying that the mission or suffer we are currently bearing is definitely bearable as god has already thought it over before giving us anything. I nearly bursted into tears on the bus while thinking about these. 

So at now I decided to start a 30 days challenge to sleep before 11 and wake up before 6 everyday. I was inivited by a friend to do so.I think it will be beneficial to me to achieve my goal. Today when I wrote this is day 1 now and I was energetic and happy. I arrived school at 6:55am with a class at 3 pm hahahaa.

Here are some of the lyrics in the song:

Been around the world
The wonders to view
Been around the world
Looking for someone like you
Pyramids try
Babylon too
But the beautifullest treasures lie in the deepest blue

So I never say die
Aim never untrue
I’m never so high as when I’m with you
And there isn’t a fire that I wouldn’t walk through
My army of one is gonna fight for you

Edited November 1, 20169 yr by Kiki

giving my support kiki!

i'm not religious myself, but my father is very religious. and I've learned to respect him and his belief, because he's found inner peace. 

and i also love anime! Just finished watchin RE:zero.

Kind regards,

T

 

 

Hi T! Thank you for your support! I want to watch re:zero too and I will probably watch it when I have time haha

Day 24

Project finished! As I waked up super early and I went to school for working on the project so I was very productive! I avoid mindless browsing all the day and finished the project on time. However I still stayed up late until 3am so the 30 days challenge will be reset. Also I have to stay up to 1am for registering classes so the challenge will be started on Friday I guess.

 

Omg this one's awesome. good job!

Day 25

Today my prof praised my work hahaha and I had lunch at the restaurant where I worked in durng summer holiday. I was very grateful as this was the first part-time job in my life and they were very nice to me. 

Today was not very effective as I slept in the afternoon and do nothing lol. But that's ok otherwise I would get sick after staying up late. 

Grateful things: Skype with my accountability partner! Yay! He is super nice and he becomes one of my boy god ! Yay!

 

So you seem to have a pretty good plan. That's great. I also can nearly smell the Smog of a chinese city in your picture

Oh my  

Day 25 already! Thats great! I showed my wife your drawings and she was seriously amazed. If its ok I will show them to my mother too (she is an art teacher)

Keep going Kiki! And congrats on the praising you totaly deserve it!

Day 25

Today my prof praised my work hahaha and I had lunch at the restaurant where I worked in durng summer holiday. I was very grateful as this was the first part-time job in my life and they were very nice to me. 

Today was not very effective as I slept in the afternoon and do nothing lol. But that's ok otherwise I would get sick after staying up late. 

Grateful things: Skype with my accountability partner! Yay! He is super nice and he becomes one of my boy god ! Yay!

Way to go!!

WorkinProgress that's the city of xian China! 

Thanks Lukas! And if you show them to your mother maybe she will realised this drawing didn't involve any skills orz. At first the professor suggested me cross hatching all the items in the picture but I destroyed all if my ink pens as I couldn't hold the pen properly orz. So I decided to just blacken the things and luckily that was good looking too.

Day 26 (wake up challenge day 1)

I had dream about relapse again orz. This time I played Pokemon in my dream and I realized myself relapsed after 90min of gameplay. I remembered myself decided to hide the truth and continue the detox lol. Luckily it was just a dream.

Also, I started reading the book slight edge. In my life I always wanted instant results and refused to continue to develop the skills if I couldn't do well at the start. For example, before quitting I tried to play LoL and I deleted the game after 1 day as I couldn't play well and was scolded by others lol. This behavior was similar to other daily life situation to. So I thought this will be a good book for me.

Today I attended the open model session hahaha that was fun! I also attended the drawing club at school and the professor is extremely helpful, more helpful than my prof in classes for 100 times! I was so happy to meet a prof which was helpful!