Army of one

[Kiki]

Hi everyone! I am currently a year 1 art college student who decided to quit gaming after wanting to become a game artist. But as my accountable partner said, a lot of things will change in my life after I quit, I dont regard quitting game as a bad choice in my life haha

Finally decided starting my journal! I will have my artworks posted here once I have any as I want to keep them in my journal. 

Day 5

Classes were fine. I thought I have more time now since I quit gaming and I can finally concentrate on my studies. Also, I no longer treated spending time with friends as a waste of time.  

I experienced some craving as my friends were talking about a game crazily and made me want to play. Fortunately I ended up with practicing human figure drawing.

I am worried about the piano exam I will have on Friday as I am not prepared. Hope that I can be disciplined and practice on it.

Things I am grateful for:  I was so happy that I found my accountable partner and he is willing to listening to me even I am clumsy in speaking. Also, I finally found an extremely useful guide book about figure drawing.

Things I want to do: have my hair cut, cook for my mum, visit the dentist, meet my senior colleagues and ask about the sequential art major

Thanks for reading!!!

[Reno F]

Good job on starting your journal.

Do you think we could listen to your piano plays as well?

[Cam Adair]

Woot! A journal will help you, I have no doubt.

[Streuselsturm]

Great work starting your journal! Be sure to also read your older posts from time to time since it will help you develop perspective and a more meta view about your own feelings.

I have a daily journal (but only in german). and sometimes I just read about my old problems and think. "Hey wow I overcame this challenge now" Measurement of grow you know

[Simon E]

Welcome, and good job starting your journal!  Looking forward to seeing your artwork

[Kiki]

Good job on starting your journal.

Do you think we could listen to your piano plays as well?

Thanks Reno maybe I will make recordings after exam 

 Be sure to also read your older posts from time to time since it will help you develop perspective and a more meta view about your own feelings.

Thank you Lukas I will probably do that and try to write more about my deep feelings here

Day 6

id better write my journal at night as i tend to forget the things happened yesterday when I try to write in the morning

Today is weekend and I am rather productive compared to the days when I played games. I practised piano for 6 hours although I was distracted by technology from time to time. When I lost my patience and wanted to watch YouTube instead, I realized I had nothing to watch as i already unsubscribed from all of the gaming channels, so I ended up with reading books and managed to stop resting at a time sharp, which I couldn't do it before

And I had more cravings than yesterday. I wanted to play music game when I was practising on piano and I realized all of the songs I played for fun before were game soundtracks. Also, I started to miss the characters in a RPG game. 

And my first drawing project was graded. I initially got a C and I was extremely worried about it, but fortunately I got a B+ after resubmission I am relieved now 

Things I am grateful for: 

~being able to control myself

~my accountability partner is extremely caring and he is feeling better now

~my friend finally completed her game and she is not gonna talking about it with me anymore==

Edited October 16, 2016 by Kiki

[Kiki]

Day 7 

Two jounals in a day haha

So today I went to church and then did some studies and practices on piano. I found the guide book very useful and I learnt something from it. I was super excited to dive into studying and I eventually procrastinated on my school project 

I didnt have cravings today but I had so  many thoughts and I was tired 

[Reno F]

thoughts are better than cravings

[Piotr]

You're going good. Keep it this way. 

[Kiki]

Day 8 

there are so many things I want to do after the exam and I just can't wait.

Here is the thing I want to accomplish after the exam and before second quarter starts :

1. Learning everything from the figure drawing guide book

2. Learning using oil pastel properly

3. being able to draw precise lines

4. Collecting design patterns by copying them on my sketch book for future use

5. Learn about cross hatching

6. Start running my own fb page

7. Collecting image resources everyday

I eventually cooked for my mum and she was pleased. 

I was depressed for no particular reason. Maybe because I was worrying about the future after graduation. And about what should I do in order to achieve my goals. My classmates and I were beginning with a different starting line and mine was a lot  more behind than theirs. I even thought of suspending school for 1 year in order to sharpen my skills before the major classes start. I had weird thoughts and got depressed by them almost everyday.

[Kiki]

Day 9

i stayed up late until 3 am and worked on my project. The overall progress was acceptable but I regretted for not starting earlier as I don't have enough time to render it thoroughly. I also felt guilty when my classmates praised my work when I didn't do my best on it. Also, I talked to my friend about my miserable personality and fortunately she would support me on changing it. She even invited me to visit her house to work together.

Things I am grateful for : being able to control my self and work on the project, having good friends, having an awesome mum

Edited October 18, 2016 by Kiki

[Streuselsturm]

Are your most creative phases druing the night? Because its the same with me. During daytime whenever I have time to write I always feel kinda "meh" but once its getting dark and I SHOULD go to bed then the ideas drop and I could sit infront of the PC for hours writing. (Bonus if the weather is shitty and I have important stuff to do tomorrow)

The problem with this at least fot me is I need to healthy sleep routine otherwise I loose my structure and without structure I get into the "I dont care" mode which very quickly leads to cravings etc.

Still working on that problem as of today

But congrats you finished your pic. Take the praise! Instead of feeling guilty try to use that energy to start earlier next day and remember the praise next time you want to procrastinate. Just a few ideas!

Im glad you are starting to feel gratful!

Stay strong

[Robin]

Keep it up! <3

[Kiki]

Are your most creative phases druing the night? Because its the same with me. During daytime whenever I have time to write I always feel kinda "meh" but once its getting dark and I SHOULD go to bed then the ideas drop and I could sit infront of the PC for hours writing. (Bonus if the weather is shitty and I have important stuff to do tomorrow)

The problem with this at least fot me is I need to healthy sleep routine otherwise I loose my structure and without structure I get into the "I dont care" mode which very quickly leads to cravings etc.

Thank you so much Lukas your words are always encouraging

Yeah I indeed come up with many ideas at night as I tend to brainstorm ideas when I am idle after school. Usually I could keep my ideas overnight, so I will work on them the next day EXCEPT I have already started working. When I have unfinished work, I will keep working on it overnight even though I know exactly that I won't be able to finish the work in a single day. Maybe this is because I lack time management and want to see the results instantly

But what result from that is I have low energy the next day and I am unable to concentrate, as you mentioned So I agree that regular sleeping routine is very important

Day 10

I was so tired after finishing the project and I overslept for 5 hours followed by mindless browsing of 1 hours lol. I really should manage time better. And I had lunch with my mum haha.

Things I am grateful for:

project finished yay~

I have a cute bunny

 

[Reno F]

Good job with the project!

Bunny pictures, please!

[Kiki]

Day 11

bunny picture here lol 

As the No.8 typhoon signal will possibly be hoisted tmr, so I guess my piano exam will probably be suspended

Today was the project due date but after critique our professor was not satisfied with our performance so we have to modify it and resubmit it on Tuesday . But I put my drawing at school and the school is Not gonna open tmr so...

Today was rather unproductive as I was extremely sleepy after class and then I went to sleep for 4hours. When I was preparing for the aural part of the exam, one of my classmates kept distracting me via Facebook messenger so it took me more time to revise the material. 

And I was a bit confused. I did't know how to get along with my classmates. I often said something inappropriate to my classmates and I only realised it after the conversation. I don't know how to respond to others either.

Things I am grateful for:

-If the typhoon is hoisted tmr, I will have much more time to prepare for my exam

-being able to study interesting subjects

-still have time to do training following my bent

 

[tirEdOrange]

I was depressed for no particular reason. Maybe because I was worrying about the future after graduation. And about what should I do in order to achieve my goals. My classmates and I were beginning with a different starting line and mine was a lot  more behind than theirs. I even thought of suspending school for 1 year in order to sharpen my skills before the major classes start. I had weird thoughts and got depressed by them almost everyday.

First of all: welcome to the forums and good job on starting your journal!
I can totally relate to this and I'm glad that you share it here with us. I can calm you that you will probably learn here how to handle such situations, as I did. I was usually depressed with similar thoughts for weeks but after a lot of support and good advices from this forum this time shrinks to day(s) instead of weeks and made me instantly get back on track. I'm surprised about the effectiveness of my own changes regarding this problem. The people here are really awesome and helpful and I'm glad you have joined us

 Also, I talked to my friend about my miserable personality and fortunately she would support me on changing it.

I don't know you personally but the fact that you want to improve yourself by tuning down your gaming time so you can pursue your goals better seems like a good personal "flaw" to me After all you have decided to improve yourself and this already shows a part of your dedication and that can be admired if you stay commited to it.

If you feel miserable about your actual personality, and I can understand that because I felt the same when I started my detox, then start to think about the person that you will become after this journey and feel free to start to feel proud and great about this person because: you have already done your first step to become this person and you are on the right track to get there we'll be on this journey with you!

I'm glad you have people around that are willed to help you with your problem

[Kiki]

Thanks so much for your support @tirEdOrange ! I think solving problem in a rational way instead of being stuck in the problem emotionally is very important. I usually failed to do so and I allowed myself to immerse in sadness  but I am different from before and I think I can change anything if I want to!  

Day 12

The exam was suspended due to the typhoon. Sad face.

I spent my whole day on practising drawing and I was satisfied but I also had cravings. I felt I missed the fantasy world when I accidentally watched a preview of a new gaming console. However, I realized that I was fond of the natural world in fantasy games but I seldom visit the real natural spaces myself, which was unreasonable. So I guess I would probably go hiking when the weather was better. 

[Kiki]

Day 13

I finally realised why I was working so slow at school as I keep talking with my classmates while drawing and didn't consider this as a problem  I guess my half day on drawing at school today but I did literally nothing! I should definitely learn how to focus on work

And I played board game with my friends. This is the best activity to replace video gaming in my perspective.

[tirEdOrange]

Thanks so much for your support @tirEdOrange ! I think solving problem in a rational way instead of being stuck in the problem emotionally is very important. I usually failed to do so and I allowed myself to immerse in sadness  but I am different from before and I think I can change anything if I want to! 

hehe, I can totally understand you there. But your feelings and emotions are something that influence your behaviour and you overall too. It is important to do rational decisions, but it is also important to guide your emotions and lead them in a helpful way. After all they are a part of you and they can be a great tool for you to use, but you have to learn to lead your emotions by your decisions and not to lead your decisions by your emotions   But I think that you are on a great way to learn this with your detox. Looking forward to your future entries

Day 13

And I played board game with my friends. This is the best activity to replace video gaming in my perspective.

Totally agree on that one! Love board games with friends *.*

[Kiki]

It is important to do rational decisions, but it is also important to guide your emotions and lead them in a helpful way. After all they are a part of you and they can be a great tool for you to use, but you have to learn to lead your emotions by your decisions and not to lead your decisions by your emotions 

 Thank you I will keep that in mind 

Day14

I trained a bit and met my friend from high school. We talked a lot and I realised that how lucky I am. She told me that in traditional universities, students are always thinking about how to get a bf/gf as soon as possible and not focusing on studies. If someone tries to be hardworking, he will definitely be isolated. But in my school, this situation never happens as everyone are dying to work. I am very lucky to be admitted to this school so that I can avoid most of the troubles caused by social life.

[Robin]

It's funny to see how different each mindset could be and the thoughts of people from different places.

I like to read your journal and am looking forward to your next posts! 

Keep it up <3 Robin

[Reno F]

Congratulations on your second week!

[Kiki]

Thank you guys! Seems that the cravings are less severe than I thought

Day 15

Somehow I felt sad and lost when I was having English class. I did't know why. The situation got worse when I heard that my classmates got marks below grade (like 30/100) on several subjects even though they had tried their best. I always had similar feelings when I was in Secondary school preparing for the public exam. After class I just wanted to escape from the place as fast as possible. But it's a comfort to me that my mum cooked dinner tonight.

Probably will have to stay overnight working on my project sigh

[Kiki]

Day 16

I finally met with a senior student in sequential art major but his feedback to the programme was not so good. So the only choice for me is animation but I don't know whether I can have the willpower and self discipline to overcome the intensive contents in the programme.