Piotr journal

[Piotr]

Journal entry #1

57 day of detox

Hi, I've posted my journal a bit late than started my detox, I don't event know why, maybe I had to have time to grow and change to join community. Anyway, I started detox because when i looked back at my life I realised how much I lost because of gaming:

1. Love. I gave up on the love of my life, although I'm with other girl now, I know that escaping to games, instead of taking care of my relation, was a major failure in my life.
2. Money. It's easy to complain about lack of money, that it's not my fault that I was borned in family where money was an issue, but it's my fault that I was gaming, instead of getting a job.
3. People. I've lost contact with my friends and become anti-social.
4. Time. We can't turn time to change all the things that happened. There is no going back to this. I can only change the future for better and I will.
5. Myself. Because all of the above...

I was browsing the internet when I found Cam TedX talk and the next video in suggested section was "90 day detox" . I thought about it a few days and started it. At first, it was hard not to play. If gaming was my whole life, then what to do without it? Cravings were strong. I've started to fill my time with workouts, reading, learning and taking more interest about things that surround me. All of these seemed pointless at first, but in time, with consistency, everything started to have sense and bring results. Now I don't even feel cravings, except one, to change my life for better.

Now I try to NOT to feel sad about loosing a girl, friends, time, being kicked out from university, because those are only valuable lessons which I should remember, but should NOT feel depressed about loosing them(that would lead to nowhere, or even worse, to gaming). Those are things that shaped me, a man, which wants a better life and goes for it.

That's all what comes in my mind today(I was never a talkative type of person). More will come in time.

Greetings, Piotr.

 

 

[Sashiku]

I'm so glad you decided to post here, and I'm even happier than you've come so far. Life can be really hard and we all make mistakes. All we can do is support each other and try to make our lives better. You are doing great so far and you've got all of us here to talk to when you need to. Congratulations on 57 days!

[Cam Adair]

Super proud of you man! Keep going, this is only the beginning.

[Robin]

Wow you are a big inspiration! Keep it up ♡

[Piotr]

Journal entry #2

58 day of detox

Hi again In the beggining, I would like to thank you guys for all the support, it's really helpfull. Secondly, I would like to take into consideration a thought that is on my mind since last few days.

I don't even think about gaming anymore, since last two weeks I stopped even looking at games&tech section in my favourite news website. I can feel the power of detox, cleaning me from urge to play. But, what came into my mind, was that, I'm not really productive. Although, my progress with detox came even further than I previously thought it wil, I found out that I fill my time with activities which were good at begging to drag me away from games. Now I feel that they need to be something more than time-fillers and turn it into results-bringers. I need to progress in my detox and go into next stage(BTW. Doesn't that mean that my mind is rewiring from games into hmmm... life?). In example, I spend whole yesterday evening by watching three new episodes of my favourite tv series(20 minutes each) and then, before sleep, I watched 2 hour film which I already saw. Thinking about it today, I feel that watching this repetition was waste of time, also I realized that when I'm listening to music, I'm just sitting next to my laptop mindlessly browing the internet. Thus, I thought about new activities, which will actually bring something into my life.

1. I've signed up for driver license course, allowing me to drive trucks(in my country there is a seperate driver license class for cars and trucks). This will help me to change my place of work to hometown and get better job.
2. I'm more focusing on learning how to create websites. I was talking with my older brother in law, and asked him If he have any ideas for a side job(when I was at the begining of my detox, looking for activities). He is a web developer and said, that he will help me on getting side projects, which I could do in my home, if I learn programming. This, can give me more money and alternative, if something will went bad with my current job. I'm currently in half of the HTML course. I'm gonna post in this journal about my progress to keep track of it.
3. I also need to regulate my current activities, to get more from them, through consistency. From today I'm planning to spent 30 minutes daily(monday to friday) learning for my studies. Read, at least a chapter a day of some book(not connected with my studies). Also, I need a physical training plan(I will get it this evening), to change my thinking from "maybe I will make some wourkout on bars today"(which leaded to excuses to make it tomorrow) to "today is a bars workout day".

That came into my mind today. I hope to make it a part of my life and add more into future. Thank you for reading

PS. I ordered "Resilience" advised by Cam, which will certainly bring some positive view into my life. But, what do you think about reading fantasy books(since I was always liked fantasy)? Wouldn't it be a waste of time?

[Dannigan]

This is great progress, Piotr, because you spent time typing down a strategy, it's a skill that you're good at, as far as i can see.  I don't think reading fantasy books is a waste of time!  I mean, it's the same as watching a movie.  Although, if you watch 8 movies in a row for the entire day, and ignore everything else you have to do, then there's a slight problem...hehe.  So, it's really about moderation, and being mindful.  It's really easy to get lost in a good book, fantasy or not.  Plus, the good thing about fantasy books is that it engages your imagination.

[Cam Adair]

Love that book. Really helped me a lot. 

[Piotr]

Journal entry #3

60 day of detox!

 Two months passed since I stopped gaming. If someone three months ago will say to me "In a month, you will not game anymore and it will be your own decision" I would laugh at him. I can't belive how far I've come. At first, I thought that I will relapse a few times and I would have to restart my detox, but it seems that my willpower is a bit stronger than I think. I hope to keep it this way. Also, seeing my progress, gives me a lot of confidence for continuing my mission.

But the progress, should not make me feel safe.

By reading others journals(thank you all for sharing with your experience), I found out a pattern which doesn't apply to all cases but it repeats in like 30-50% of the journals. (Usually it happens around 50-60 day of detox, but again, it depends on person, I remember that there were people which get this point at 30 or even 90 day, in both cases it's completely OK as long as you fighting, cause process of detox varies, depending on many things) When someone gets past thinking about games and his cravings are so weak that almost gone, he decides to get more results from his actions. To change his activities from the ones used to drag away from games, to ones bringing more results(I refered to this in my previous journal entry, that's why I kept eye on this, in others journals, because I think that this also affects me and can bring me information, on what to expect in the future). People at this stage, usually gets past, rest of their detox easily, but then few weeks later, they write about a relapse. My first thought was that, it happens because people try to get too much of their lives, getting too many things to handle or falling into routine of their daily schedule. But on second thought it's feeling too safe which made them relapse. Finishing detox, getting better results in life, improvement in social skills, this led to feeling that everything is fine now, that I left behind my bad gaming life. Unfortunatelly, demons of the past will come back, sooner or later but they will. Of course they are weaker at this stage(we make them weaker), but they still exist.

I wrote this post, for me 30 days later(and so on), when I reach 90 day detox. Because "90", it's only a number and the willpower is the real game-changer, or rather life-changer 

Future me, remember how games destroyed your life, DON'T GET BACK TO THIS.

[Cam Adair]

Great work man, congrats on 60 days. 

[Mad Pharmacist]

Thinking can be hard. But even though you're doing and inspiring future me to stay away from games and be more cautious. Good job!

[Piotr]

Journal entry #4

62 day of detox

I'm forcing myself to write this, to keep consistency. I'm fighting with procrastination and trying to keep up with my goals, set earlier. I've set up meeting with my driving license instructor for tomorrow, to talk about start of my course, I already got all the papers, because of that I see progress in first of my goals. Second goal, I'm also considerating kept. For three days I've spent at least 30 minutes on learning HTML and after wrighting this I'm going to continue my work. Unfortunatelly, I'm not satisfied with my third goal. It wasn't done because I was helping at my mothers house with housekeeping, but this doesn't explain my procrastination in the evening where instead of learning, reading and doing my workout, I've procrastinated watching youtube, tv series and browsing the internet.

To sum up: Consistency and actions, are now main things happening here.

Greetings, Piotr.

[Mad Pharmacist]

Awesome to see you're moving forward Piotr! Just like we spoke yesterday. Time to thrive!

 

[Cam Adair]

Journal entry #4

62 day of detox

I'm forcing myself to write this, to keep consistency. I'm fighting with procrastination and trying to keep up with my goals, set earlier. I've set up meeting with my driving license instructor for tomorrow, to talk about start of my course, I already got all the papers, because of that I see progress in first of my goals. Second goal, I'm also considerating kept. For three days I've spent at least 30 minutes on learning HTML and after wrighting this I'm going to continue my work. Unfortunatelly, I'm not satisfied with my third goal. It wasn't done because I was helping at my mothers house with housekeeping, but this doesn't explain my procrastination in the evening where instead of learning, reading and doing my workout, I've procrastinated watching youtube, tv series and browsing the internet.

To sum up: Consistency and actions, are now main things happening here.

Greetings, Piotr.

Sometimes that's what you have to do. Commitment is more important than procrastination!

[Primmulla]

Journal entry #4

62 day of detox

I'm forcing myself to write this, to keep consistency. I'm fighting with procrastination and trying to keep up with my goals, set earlier. I've set up meeting with my driving license instructor for tomorrow, to talk about start of my course, I already got all the papers, because of that I see progress in first of my goals. Second goal, I'm also considerating kept. For three days I've spent at least 30 minutes on learning HTML and after wrighting this I'm going to continue my work. Unfortunatelly, I'm not satisfied with my third goal. It wasn't done because I was helping at my mothers house with housekeeping, but this doesn't explain my procrastination in the evening where instead of learning, reading and doing my workout, I've procrastinated watching youtube, tv series and browsing the internet.

To sum up: Consistency and actions, are now main things happening here.

Greetings, Piotr.

Hello Piotr,

I don't think you should beat yourself about not completing your third goal, you wrote that you were helping your mother instead and this is great, I guess helping a loved one is much more valuable than sticking to the plan. You should not follow the plan blindly, it is only as a guideline, and not law written in stone It would be a bad thing if you told your mother that you would not help her because you have to complete your plan. I am sure you definitely chose the better part Sometimes I got the impression that the whole detox and the hunt for new hobbies is too self-directed, like thinking about ourselves and how we are going to please ourselves without games, while using the time freed from games to help others would be much more beneficial and I guess would make much sense. Why stop doing something you enjoy like gaming only to replace it by some other hobby? -> seems rather pointless to me. But to stop playing in order to e.g. do some voluntary work, help with the housework, it makes so much sense and it is more motivating because we do something for another person. I guess it was rather a rant and not directly related to your post.

As for your earlier question about reading fantasy books, I also love this genre though I usually try to read it in English, and to be honest I consider reading fantasy in my native Polish a little wasteful. Same with TV series and films, if you do it in English (or any other language you are learning or want to keep from disuse), you can turn something which is mindless entertainment into a learning experience. This is particularly good when you have little contact with the foreign language of your choice in your daily life and work. I studied English but if it hadn't been for English-language books and TV series I would probably have forgotten much of what I learnt by now.

[DuckyMcDuck]

just noticed the html thing.

In case you haven't heard about this yet and want to see something cool: google bootstrap (also github, nice place to store your projects)

[Piotr]

 

I don't think you should beat yourself about not completing your third goal, you wrote that you were helping your mother instead and this is great, I guess helping a loved one is much more valuable than sticking to the plan. You should not follow the plan blindly, it is only as a guideline, and not law written in stone It would be a bad thing if you told your mother that you would not help her because you have to complete your plan. I am sure you definitely chose the better part Sometimes I got the impression that the whole detox and the hunt for new hobbies is too self-directed, like thinking about ourselves and how we are going to please ourselves without games, while using the time freed from games to help others would be much more beneficial and I guess would make much sense. Why stop doing something you enjoy like gaming only to replace it by some other hobby? -> seems rather pointless to me. But to stop playing in order to e.g. do some voluntary work, help with the housework, it makes so much sense and it is more motivating because we do something for another person. I guess it was rather a rant and not directly related to your post.

As for your earlier question about reading fantasy books, I also love this genre though I usually try to read it in English, and to be honest I consider reading fantasy in my native Polish a little wasteful. Same with TV series and films, if you do it in English (or any other language you are learning or want to keep from disuse), you can turn something which is mindless entertainment into a learning experience. This is particularly good when you have little contact with the foreign language of your choice in your daily life and work. I studied English but if it hadn't been for English-language books and TV series I would probably have forgotten much of what I learnt by now.

You are reading my mind. I was thinking that after I finish my detox, I would make some research(experimenting on myself) on making positive impact on our environment. Cause I see detox as mostly helping myself and after that, I(We) should help others(inspired/based on @Cam Adair). I don't see helping my mother as bad thing, it's completely opposite, I love to do this, just my free time in the evening that day, could be spent more productive way...

Journal entry #5

63 day of detox

Yesterday my colleagues were discussing and playing a game during break, recalling their old times. They were fascinated by their characters, skills, items etc. I felt a little nostalgic/craving as rpg games was my problem and I loved all those skills/items/abilities shit, but I said to myself "it's not part of me anymore" and without hesitation, very peacefully, I took my phone and started reading articles on self development. It was a thing which made me proud, that I can easily concentrate on more important things, which was unthinkable for me before detox. Also, I always considerating myself as taciturn person, but now I often jump into conversations and keep them up. Know I now, that gaming, was just filling my head with things which weren't suitable for communication, although games advertise themselfs as "social"(notice quotation marks here for irony).

A little reference to @Primmulla quote above, I like the idea of combining thing I like(reading fantasy) with thing which leads to something productive(reading in language which I want to learn/improve) I think that's a great idea to encourage myself to to do certain things. Besides, in last few days I was experimenting with doing two activities at a time, in order to get more out of live, save time and fight with procrastination(stay put for report on result of this experiment), that's why this tip really got my attention and I've put it into my journal.

I'm also dedicating myself to nofap from today, regreting that I didn't started this earlier...

 

[Mad Pharmacist]

You're getting more game free each day!

And from today, you are getting more fap free each day!

Great job!

By the way, I'm really interested about your result with double-tasking. That could be a great lesson for all of us.

Ah, and by the way 2 I didn't notice that you're taciturn. Come on! You are as talkative as The Pharmacist! Haha

[Piotr]

Journal entry #6

65 day of detox

Yesterday, I've procrastinated by watching too many animated films from my childhood. After I realized, how much time I've lost, I was mad at myself, but instead of feeling guilt, I had an urge to meditate, so I did. This is probably a headspace using effect. I don't really know what to think about it.

I've got to fight this mindless procrastination. On Tuesday I'm starting my driver license course, this will certainly help to fill my time, but I'm afraid that I will come back tired from this and procrastinate even more. 

Greetings, Piotr. 

[Mad Pharmacist]

Well Piotr, it looks like we're dealing with the same thing right now. And it's not a neurosis obviously.

It's just a moment of the day after finished courses/work/chores when we finally have our free time. And we can do whatever we want from it. But what we do when we don't have anything planned? Well, we're getting for something familiar for us, browsing internet for instance or even YT party for couple of ours.

That's ok if it happened, it's a great feedback for you just like my previous relapse for me. However, only a fool repeats the same mistake over and over. I'll tell you I'm dealing with this whole procrastination after finished work on anything.

The day before in the evening before I go to bed I'm writing down a plan for the next day for the whole day. It should be precised on what you're going to do approximately in what time.

So first, I divide my agenda into 3 columns. First is the number of activity in chronological order. Then the approximate time I'm going to do this and then the name of activity. That's especially works for me when I have to study for a long time (like today haha) and I can schedule my time for not only the subject I'm going to study but even a specific section I'm going to study.

However, the most difficult is to do it with out free time to relax, but not to procrastinate. So, first I'm writing down all the activities that brings me some relaxation, like playing guitar, drawing, dancing, reading a book, exercising etc. Then I decided in which order I'm gonna do it and then at what time approximately. Works for me very well, I'm doing that for about 3,5 year, however when I stop planning or I'm not sticking to it, then I have relapses or procrastination times.

 

[WorkInProgress]

I do the total opposite to our mad scientist.

I set some time for my goals to achieve(e.g. 4hours of work/day). In this timespan I just allow myself to work or to rest(lying bored in bed/walking bored through my appartment). Entertainment is forbidden. No reading no youtube no gamequitters. I set these things as early as possible. In the afternoon/evening I jsut do what floats my boat in the moment. The classic timewaste looses attraction for me if I don't have to postpone things. The freedom to Rest as much as I want in these restricted sort gives me the flexibility that I actually do them(Stil hard enough for my poor willpower). My hope is that these times of work become more automatic and cost less wollpower of time. Seems to work so far(5days).

[Primmulla]

I guess you may be exaggerating things a bit with procrastination, doing unproductive things after work or school is not procrastination, it is relax, you procrastinate only when you do something else during the time you should be working, even if it is something productive, e.g. cleaning your room is definitely a productive thing, yet when you clean your room instead of studying for an exam, it is called procrastination. Pharmacist, you may not be right about planning "relaxing activities" in detail, in this way what was supposed to be refreshing may turn into a stressful exercise, a rush to "tick off" all planned "relaxing activities" and in this way defeat its very purpose, which is to regenerate after work. You are turning relax into yet another chore, and it would nor work out well. In one of the books which were on Blinkist, I've read that our brain needs time of unproductive activity to rest and be creative, so by denying this to yourself you may in fact be doing more harm than good.

[Cam Adair]

Journal entry #6

65 day of detox

Yesterday, I've procrastinated by watching too many animated films from my childhood. After I realized, how much time I've lost, I was mad at myself, but instead of feeling guilt, I had an urge to meditate, so I did. This is probably a headspace using effect. I don't really know what to think about it.

I've got to fight this mindless procrastination. On Tuesday I'm starting my driver license course, this will certainly help to fill my time, but I'm afraid that I will come back tired from this and procrastinate even more. 

Greetings, Piotr. 

Did you start watching films in the AM? When did this start?

[Piotr]

I don't think I'm exaggerating things, because, this was supposed to be my time for studying(to uni) and learning HTML. Somehow It's hard for me to overcome this. Funny thing is, that I have no problem to do my workout, but when it comes about learning/studying I'm finding excuses not to do so(cleaning up house, making some food, watching youtube, browsing the internet etc.).

Journal entry #7

68 day of detox

Yesterday, I watched a movie trailer, based on one of my favourite games, being curious how will it look like. I guess I shouldn't do this, because I was dreaming about playing this game, today. When I woke up I felt relief, that it was only a dream and I didn't went back to gaming. This also made me thinking about my whole detox, that quiting video games is not some kind of miracle, but it's only a STEP to better life. The others steps which I think I need to do, I would divide into two categories:

• Personal development - this involves everything, which makes me better, like studying, learning how to make websites, reading, doing my training, eating healthier, etc.
• Social development - as title says, it's everything about relations with other people, it's not only about being more talkative but this also includes things like: helping my mother, spending my time with my girlfriend, making friends, etc.

I'm a bit of a lonelier person, I struggle to make friends, that's why I think I need to work a bit more on being social. Today I'm visiting my long-time-no-see family, so this will be a good start.

Thank you for reading, thank you for support, Piotr.

Edited May 15, 2016 by Piotr

[AlexTheGrape]

Good on you for getting on with your workouts! I can understand how it compares differently with studying though. Perhaps take time to identify what it is about studying and learning HTML that you do not like, and if possible, any fears surrounding it (this will be more difficult, but there is often a fear behind everything you don't like). In this case it might be a fear of becoming bored or lowering your well-being (in a mental/emotional way) by studying; and from there you can address what steps can be taken to ameliorate those fears (e.g. by making studying more fun, or having snacks, a drink, and/or other comforting things in study breaks).

Also how long do you normally sit down and study for? If it's longer than about 50 minutes at a time then you'll definitely feel down after the first hour of study, so make sure to take breaks where you get up and move around.

Making new friends often has a lot to do with confidence, much to my annoyance (I don't portray any confidence unless I consistently try to).  I've found that when you portray confidence (whilst being friendly), people naturally want to be friendly with you as it shows a degree of openness and social interest. Another tip I've got is to ask people about their interests, and focus on their ideas/topics of conversation. Simply put, everyone is interested in themselves: if you show interest in a person, you have something in common [an interest in that person]. They'll then often do a lot more talking about themselves and their interests in this way, whilst they think you're a great listener and a great person to be around. Human nature is strange isn't it? 

I hope my advice has helped and that you make consistent progress on your goals.

[Mad Pharmacist]

I Agree with @AlexTheGrape.

The best sentence with build up conversation skills and confidence is: "fake it 'till you make it".

So do what you're supposed to do to improve your social skills and one day you"ll obtain it. It's all about systematic progress.