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Everything posted by Sashiku

  1. I live in a town of 15,000 people. I have really enjoyed it as well... But I am a minority in more than 4 ways. I want to move to a larger city so I won't be so alone. Also a larger city means I will have a lot more things to do. I have a workout routine already, I just lack the will to workout alone half the time. I always had a workout partner in highschool and she always kept me motivated and I in turn helped her stay motivated.
  2. Maybe you are right. I shouldn't expect myself to change everything all at once and especially not by doing dangerous things. Maybe I should just start slowly and change something doable but not too easy either.
  3. Thanks. 🙂 Sorry for not getting back to you for a bit. Things have been kinda all over the place. Hm, I don't watch any one youtube for tutorials, I tend to search for tutorials and just go with the one I like the best or find the most comprehensive. Thanks. ^^
  4. I had a friend in real life, two actually, but even they ditched me for games. I am going back to therapy myself, but idk how good mine is. Virtual hugs are always welcomed. ❤️
  5. I will try to get out more. I think this whole lack of friends thing is really bogging me down. I have barely been going to workouts lately. Also there aren't any active Yoga studios I can afford that I know of. There is only one, and its private and expensive. No workout places either. We have one at the apartment complex but I am usually there alone. That is why I have to start saving every dime to move. Small towns are nice, but I think I need larger ones, even if I hate to admit that. Also my Dad has been stressing me out too, saying he is gonna drop in randomly. I told him off for that. He lives 2 and a half hours away so *dropping in* is NOT a good idea. I don't like dogs so I hope I am not one. XD But I get what you are saying. I have been working constantly on myself for the past 2 years, I am really tired. Maybe I need a break.
  6. Feeling very low. Will be 4 months in 3 days but I feel... awful. I feel like I will never get to be the person I want to be. I am so accustomed to sitting here staring at a computer screen and the lack of friends has been very hard. I'm lonely and I feel dejected. I spent my entire life in my room, even as a kid. I dunno if anybody knew that. But that alone makes getting out SO much harder. I don't know how to live any other way, so I feel like a rabbit trying desperately to be a cat. I hope things improve... or who knows what will happen. My mom is also very very sick. SHe has a PICC line in and had a bad infection in her bones and had pneumonia. I am really worried for her, and honestly I am just sick of it all. I dunno why I am even trying anymore.
  7. So, I really wanted to game last night, but then I watched some videos on the environment, because I have had it on my mind a little and that really gave me motivation once again to keep going and reminded me WHY I am doing this. Also, today I started a petition for a cause I STRONGLY believe in. Here it is if you want to sign it: http://chng.it/W8RPfYbg
  8. No worries. I didn't give in. 😆 Also I sorta re-found my love of dolls.
  9. ^^ Thank you! I don't live there. 🙂 My sister does. I visited for Christmas. She lives in Grand Junction.
  10. God, I REALLY want to play a video game. I had to ask my friend to stop talking about the game she was playing because it's getting to me. Then I had a gaming dream, probably brought on by our convo.
  11. No worries. When I was gaming, I was constantly doing something. I have ADHD, and if I just sit here, I go a bit stir crazy. I think having so much to do, is great for me.
  12. So, little update. I have been sleeping soooo much, but I got groceries Friday *see reply before this post for details lol* and I am generally ok. I will be uploading my first youtube video today! It's just quick speedpaint... I just wanted to start doing SOMETHING that could help me with my boredom. Plus, I will definitely learn things from this experience. I am also working on a comic. I dunno when I will have a page ready, as I have to work on the calendar non stop next month, but soon! I just need to write down all the info first. OK OK! Now to the exciting bits! I have photos from my trip to Colorado! 😄 I will post them after this video gets done uploading. I can't do anything because my internet is garbage.
  13. Indeed. I had a laugh at myself yesterday, I was not having a great day, the cab forgot to pick me up, the evil lady was working at walmart taht day, and then I forgot the milk after i had already checked out and called a cab, so I SPRINTED to the milk, jogged to checkout, and luckly, a lady helped me self checkout quickly. I just laughed. It was a sucky day, but hey, it coulda been so much worse. I think my positivity comes n goes. Negative people definitely put a damper on it. But hey, you're absolutely right. I come from a place of self hatred, and I am trying to get past that. Thank you so much! 🙂 It is, and you're right again. It is abuse, and that is why I don't spend much time with him. Thank you, I really appreciate it. ^-^ ❤️
  14. Been bored lately. I REALLY wanted to play a game today and yesterday to stop the boredom. But, I have come up with a couple other ideas instead. I decided making a youtube channel would be fun. I could do speedpaints on it and maybe do some personal stuff like weight loss and some other hobby related stuff. I mean, better than being bored. Secondly, I took some suggestions from family and friends and have decided to do a calendar made up of drawings, a diff one for every month, also some drawings behind the calendar part itself, but very minimal like, dewdrops on leaves for spring, and snow for winter months. Summer, probably gonna do flowers and autumn, probably pumpkins or leaves. I might charge a small fee (around $3-$5 per person) for the calendars since it costs to print them, and a lot of people seem to want them. I am also going to start up a comic. This could be a great way to spend the cold months. I just wanna enjoy my spare time.
  15. I'm starting to feel better, though I feel bad also because I completely flaked on coming up with a lesson today for my personal development class. I was so upset, it's like my brain was functioning at 40% all week. Ugh. Why do I have to mess up so much? Secondly, I have had dreams and thoughts about gaming. How easy it would be to just fall back into it because I still barely know how to deal with things like sadness and loneliness.
  16. You're very welcome. You're right, don't give up. I need to go back to my psychologist for sure. I plan to do that asap. I have ADHD and Anxiety as well, though my anxiety isn't as bad as it was 2 years ago. I should definitely see about medications to help with this. I am glad the medication helped you, that's a great thing. 🙂 Ah, morning routines, I definitely need to work on that. I plan on getting together a schedule and trying my best to stick to it starting this week. Thank you so much! We'll get through this! 😄
  17. Oh cool. 🙂 Joining a class would be great. Yep, same for me. My best friend says you have reading stamina and it takes a while to build it up, just like physical stamina. Ah, well, learning is nice even if you don't use it much. I took some courses in Japanese in college. Don't use it at all really but it was intriguing.
  18. First off, I want to congratulate you on making such a hard decision and doing your best to keep to it. My mother was an alcoholic and it was very difficult for her to quit but she did eventually. Thanks for the kind words, you are absolutely right, I will find friends, and so will you. It just may not be as quick as we'd like. I hope you have a lovely day!
  19. Wow, looks like you've got quite a good list of interests and things to keep you busy. I know that was really hard for me at the start and still can be quite challenging. I tend to stay online too much because of that. I bought some books but I have barley touched them. I haven''t read a book in almost 12 years, at least not fully. But great job, and yoga too! Awesome! I really want to get into that myself. I think you're doing well, keep it up. 😆
  20. Alrighty. I have a bad habit of getting online first thing in the morning, I mean, I am literally doing that right now. XD I just woke up a few minutes ago. I will try to start a morning routine like you suggested. I think that indeed may help.
  21. I am so proud of you. You are trying so hard, and look at what you're accomplishing! Becoming more confident by the day now. That doesn't mean that you won't struggle, it just means you have a goal and you are doing your best to reach it. That takes dedication and self control, both great qualities. You should be proud. Reading sounds great! I used to do that as well, I might borrow that idea from you. Wow, looks like your social life is growing, that's great! And hey, I think you are doing wonderfully, Keep it up!
  22. Thank you and I'm happy to do it. That's what friends do. 🙂
  23. You know, you're right. I will make more in time. I already made one, you. Thanks so much for being around to hear me out and show support. Yea, I made a journal of good memories, I put all the images and things in a folder and zipped it. Gonna put it on a flash drive for now and keep it out of sight. Yea, I know it's weighing me down heavily right now, but I think I will be ok after I finish grieving. Thanks! I like to draw, glad you like them. Me, positive? Haha. My aunt just told me I'm negative a few hours ago and that my negativity weighs people down. Funny huh? Then again, she barely knows me.
  24. Everything you said makes so much sense. Let me go over each area and tell you my thoughts. 1. You are absolutely right. My friendships have been not so great for years. I knew this day would come. and I even kind of wanted it to, still, 17 years of knowing somebody is a really long time. I met her before gaming, the other person I was friends with for 7 years and I met her online. I just am not used to being without them, you know? I do want to move on though. 2. True. I lost contact with online people quite easily. 3. I will give that website a try. I also just want to be more positive. 4. Once again you are quite right. Once I get past the grieving stage, I will stand back up and keep going and learning and pushing myself. I didn't grieve at all the first month and a half. I just started grieving last week a little and then the past two days have been full of tears and mourning the loss of my friendships. Failing is a little scary to me, but not nearly as much as it used to be. I used to be terrified of failing. I'm not now though. It's how we learn. 5. Thanks. My life has been changing constantly for the past 2 years. Sometimes it gets a little overwhelming that I have changed so much yet I have so far to go. Congrats on the changes you made as well. It isn't easy. 6. I am someone else. And I REFUSE to go back to gaming. I can't go back now, there is nothing for me there. I know now that it's all a fantasy and the only way I am going to be happy is if I keep going toward my goals and dreams. 7. I have always struggled taking care of myself. I'm legally blind so things are a little harder for me but even so, I wasn't really taught how to do a lot of things growing up. Everyone in the family says I'm 38 and I should know how to do all of this and I can't make excuses for it. I HONESTLY struggle SO hard. Nobody understands at all. THIS is the one thing I am hardest on myself for. I get so overwhelmed with what I need to do and it just feels like climbing a mountain sometimes. 8. Thank you so much. 🙂 I cried when I read this, you have a way with words and I can easily see the points you have made. Thanks for taking time to read and reply.