Game Over

[Wildermyth 156]

Today I took some photos of the king and queen of Sweden. The king is celebrating 50 years on the throne so he's visiting every major city, shaking hands and making speeches. I think he's grown tired of all the formal stuff at this point because he mostly looked annoyed and a bit bored. I couldn't get a single good picture of him and this was probably the best one.

I wonder if he ever thinks about just staying at home and watching Netflix. Or playing some video games perhaps...

 

[Wildermyth 156]

Feeling a bit down today. My mind has been occupied with some thoughts that I haven't had for some time now. They are slowly starting to come back to me due to some circumstances at work. I want to deal with it and just move on but it's hard since it's related to people that I care a lot about. I'm trying to find some strength from my friendships and family. Not all of them know the full extent of my issues but sometimes it's enough that I've opened up just a little with someone close.

Tomorrow I'm gonna finalize my home project with my photo wall and all the new furniture. I'll post some pictures when it's done!

[james1 17]

I'm new here. Your photos are incredible! Looking forward to seeing your photo wall and hope your day turns around 🙂

[Wildermyth 156]

On 9/8/2023 at 8:20 PM, james1 said:

I'm new here. Your photos are incredible! Looking forward to seeing your photo wall and hope your day turns around 🙂

Thank you so much! That really warms my heart. And welcome to the site! I'm sure you'll find lots of support here. ☺️

[Wildermyth 156]

My photo wall is now finally done! I'm very satisfied with how it came out and I'm definitely gonna print some more photos in the future. It really livens up the home to have your own creations on the wall. Back up just a 6 months and this wall would've just stayed as a potential idea in my head, but thanks to my shift of focus from games to other more creative stuff things like this are starting to become reality! 🤗

 

[Wildermyth 156]

I also want to share my best picture so far that is the highlight of my photo wall. Unfortunately the site can't handle big file uploads so it's heavily compressed, but it still looks pretty enough. 🙂

The photo is of a lemon butterfly that is feasting on some nectar with its proboscis.

[Pochatok 605]

WAIT WAIT are these your pictures or a well-arranged assortment of works from other artists? Either way, they're gorgeous and I'm very happy you have something so awe-inspiring on your wall!

[Wildermyth 156]

On 9/14/2023 at 1:53 PM, Pochatok said:

WAIT WAIT are these your pictures or a well-arranged assortment of works from other artists? Either way, they're gorgeous and I'm very happy you have something so awe-inspiring on your wall!

They are all my photos that I've taken this year with my new camera. There's lots of hard work behind them so thank you so much for the nice compliments!  ☺️

[Wildermyth 156]

I'm closing in on 8 months gaming free now and also 1,5 month porn free! 🥳

It has really helped to get an accountability partner to rid my mind of some of these intrusive thoughts. There are lots of apps that you can connect with your accountability partner so when you have bad days and start to search for specific websites they get notified. I use an app called blockerX that puts lots of filters on my browser and the only way to get them lifted is for my partner to give me their approval.

I tried to use a setup like this with gaming with one of my friends but sadly there's no equivalent when it comes to apps that block certain content. There's only parental control on consoles which is not the same kind of thing. There's lots of limitations for kid accounts like age restriction, not being allowed to use credit cards etc. Gaming companies just count on adults to take responsibility for themselves and I really wish it was that simple. It would be so easy to just have an option in the console menu for allowed gaming hours and the only one who could change the slider would be a second party. Big apps like Youtube have these kind of features for adult accounts and I can't see why gaming can't make use of them as well.

It's kinda ironic how some gaming companies try to battle long gaming sessions with the implementation of certain mechanics or on-screen messages. MMO games for instance use rest bonuses for when you stay away from the game for too long, but that doesn't really affect your unwillingness to play - it only prolongs the first session that you have when you finally get back to the game. And all those warning notices on the startup screen that says that you should take responsibility and make pauses while gaming; they are only there as disclaimers for when the companies get into legal disputes. Everything just feels so backwards and cynical.

[Wildermyth 156]

I've been thinking quite a lot about games the last two weeks. I've been under the weather and haven't been able to exercise much. I've also felt a bit exhausted overall with everything going on at work. Autumn is one of those prime gaming seasons so it's not hard to understand why my mind lingers there at the moment. I'm trying to accept my feelings and not be too bothered with the lack of energy. My battle is always with my mindset and the less energy I have the more susceptible I am to intrusive thoughts. I get easily fixated with things that feel unfinished or cause too much stress and it's not easy to find strategies to deal with them. Sometimes a distraction can be the best way to go but sometimes it might be better to just let the thoughts run their course and then be done with them. It's hard to know which way to go at every turn and even getting caught up in this thought process can become exhausting.

Anyway,  I found a pretty nice video that made me feel strengthened in my decision. And it also gave some new perspectives on the term " game addiction":

 

 

[Wildermyth 156]

I feel like I'm in some kind of surreal new phase where I'm trying to shed lots of skin. I've been emotionally drained the last couple of days and I'm in this hyper sensitivite state where I feel more aware than usual; making new observations and keeping a razor sharp focus on my goals. I know I have the willpower to change a lot of things in my life by now but there are still so many circumstances that are blocking my mind when it comes to socializing. I'm slowly starting to tear these down one by one and it's both scary and a bit thrilling. Yesterday I had a long talk with a new friend about my feelings of love for a certain person and it was such a release that I almost felt like I was intoxicated afterwards.

My family is my biggest communication error and I think a lot of things stems from some hardships within my family past. I don't carry quite the same personality as before but there are still lots of things that I've not yet revealed to my family or situations where I'm not confident being myself fully.

I'm gonna call my mom this evening and have a chat about it and see where it leads. And tomorrow I've informed two of my collegues that I want to talk about my change in mood at work the last couple of months. They all know that something has been going on but I've been keeping it to myself mostly. I don't want to hide anymore or feel ashamed; If people can't take me for the person I really am I don't see the point of having them in my life. It has to be as simple as that.