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NEW VIDEO: The EASIEST Way to Stop Gaming

Game Over


Wildermyth

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I've recently started an Instagram account and decided to engage with people on social media for the first time in a couple of years. I concluded that I wanted to share my photos somehow and also make some thoughtful posts along with them. Today I posted a picture of an art board with the tag "game over" written over it and I put together a text that explained my hardships with gaming and my decision to leave it behind. Before I made the post I hesitated for a few seconds because it felt so final to just throw it out there for everyone to read. But then I was quickly convinced that this was in fact my decision and writing about it only reinforced my conviction. Having people read about it makes me feel more responsible and ultimately more at peace with my choice. All in all I believe it's a great thing!

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Went up early today to photograph some sing birds in a local forest. These particular birds are really difficult to follow when you're in the woods and you don't have great visuals or light to help guide your camera. We've had some bad weather now for almost two weeks so I really tried to make the most of the sun that was out today. I managed to get some good shots of a green warbler. It was hard to identify because it belongs to a species of birds that all look very similar.

On the gaming side I've heard my colleagues talk about the new Diablo game and 4 months ago I would've been all over it day one. It was the type of game that I could lose myself in completely. How glad I am now that I went to photograph some birds instead and then spent the rest of my day exercising and watching F1. The allure is there from time to time, especially when I'm restless, but overall I'm staying strong. 💪

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Edited by Wildermyth
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  • 2 weeks later...

I've been thinking more about gaming than usual. I've concluded my therapy now and I believe I'm on a good path at the moment. Still, I'm faced with the challenge of experiencing new seasons without gaming. During the winter I had skiiing to occupy myself with, and it was a great activity to get that strong release of emotions that gaming used to provide. Now during summer I'm more active than ever with my photography, but it's more of a relaxing hobby rather than something that drains my energy. I recognize the importance of being patient and not always expecting things to give me a rush, but I still need to have something every now and then that works my entire body. I'm still exercising of course and it fills some of this need but it's more of a routine with expected results.

Maybe summer should be the time for me to just chill though. I look forward to my vacation when I get to spend some time with family and get a change of environment. I have plenty of activities planned and I know it's exciting just to have a summer without anything gaming related planned. I used to feel so ashamed of sitting at home during nice summer days but now I get outside the first chance I can. No shame at all, I just do it and it feels great right away. That's a win if anything!

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Still feeling some urges to go back to gaming. It's definitely tied to my sinking mood lately. Whenever I feel beat down I want to kickstart my system with soemthing powerful; like gaming, eating lots of food or watching porn. At the moment I'm denying myself all of this and it takes lots of energy, especially at work. I'm trying to find comfort and enjoyment in all the good things I do but it won't scratch that itch that I'm used to feeling. It takes time I know, but right now it's all very demanding. It pains me to feel this way now that the summer is here and I'm close to my vacation. I'm hoping my mind will clear a bit when I get to visit my family and friends down south in couple of weeks.

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Mood is slowly getting back up. Not sure exactly why but I'm more grateful than curious at this rate. Let's hope it stays this way for some time now; I really want to be in the best mood possible when my vacation begins!

I'll also share some bird photos I've taken lately that I'm very happy with. Soon I'll also be posting pics of insects as I've gotten a brand new macro lens. 🙂 

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  • 2 weeks later...

One day from vacation and it’s the first time I don’t look forward to it. No matter how hard it is to say I can’t deny that I’m feeling this. I have now, almost six months after quitting, some pretty strong feelings of withdrawal. It’s like all the bad things that I feel in life have become so concentrated and my mood is so up and down that it’s like having a whiplash some days. My mind is getting stuck in these long and exhausting thoughts of different desires and I’m so irritated with everyone around me. I just want to lock myself in and don’t come out for a week or two. I also just want to scream everything I ever felt about anyone in my life for the past year. It feels like no one listens or understands completely.
 

The hardest thing is that some days I feel absolutely terrific, and I don’t understand why. Those days all of this is almost completely forgotten and I take so much pleasure in those moments. I’m just sad that I can’t make it stick or understand what’s triggering it. I would give anything to feel like that just for a couple of days in a row.
 

To end on a somewhat positive note I’m still staying strong and true to my goals. It’s going better than ever besides this intense mood. I just hope it will be a bit easier when I get to visit my family because if my mood is rock bottom then I’m gonna panick in a couple of days. 

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12 hours ago, Wildermyth said:

One day from vacation and it’s the first time I don’t look forward to it. No matter how hard it is to say I can’t deny that I’m feeling this. I have now, almost six months after quitting, some pretty strong feelings of withdrawal. It’s like all the bad things that I feel in life have become so concentrated and my mood is so up and down that it’s like having a whiplash some days. My mind is getting stuck in these long and exhausting thoughts of different desires and I’m so irritated with everyone around me. I just want to lock myself in and don’t come out for a week or two. I also just want to scream everything I ever felt about anyone in my life for the past year. It feels like no one listens or understands completely.
 

The hardest thing is that some days I feel absolutely terrific, and I don’t understand why. Those days all of this is almost completely forgotten and I take so much pleasure in those moments. I’m just sad that I can’t make it stick or understand what’s triggering it. I would give anything to feel like that just for a couple of days in a row.
 

To end on a somewhat positive note I’m still staying strong and true to my goals. It’s going better than ever besides this intense mood. I just hope it will be a bit easier when I get to visit my family because if my mood is rock bottom then I’m gonna panick in a couple of days. 

I remember attending all my classes at college/university for a semester but putting in almost none of the work, then feeling glad for Summer. Of course, then I was doing everything I felt like. 

The next year I got more serious, and didn't do as much of those 'fun' things, but was sad. I still had great connections to my family, so when my brother suggested I talk to a certain girl, I did, and we dated for about half of the year, platonic-like. When the same time of year came around, I gave it all I had for 3 weeks, but couldn't keep that up because I didn't 'know' anyone else who felt the same. That year, I opened a textbook in the evening while sitting next to my mom and wanted to discuss every page. It was important to try and learn, but other evenings our attention was just tugged elsewhere. That Summer, I didn't know it, but I was depressed.

I never went 6 months without gaming, by choice and commitment. I was on a new and powerful medication for 5 years, and for 2 of those years I threw myself into exercise and watching/re-watching movies and working, but I still did all the things I felt like again. I had in fact 'given up' my main game (changed my passwords to random things) because I was enjoying the renewed focus and motivation from the medication.

My personal growth has always been slow. Your hands are probably much more trained than mine for a lot of experiences. But in times where I've just felt lost or depressed, I've found myself getting involved in random activities in the community. Observing things, watching and talking to people, trying to find interest in whatever I come by - even volunteering, which for one week each time just reaffirmed I was still a part of society. Going to a museum with someone, or alone if manageable and just being a viewer of things you may have forgotten came to mind. Stuff like that.

Being nice enough to hold in negative opinions of people and things is tough. I've always just needed a worthy distraction to pour myself into. The healthier, the better. 

Anyway, this has been a morning with some of the happiness that you described for me, and I couldn't check in and see your post before starting the day without trying to say something to show care. 

P.S. - I have once gone somewhere where no one was around and screamed before. It was great. heh. And I think those exhausting thoughts of different desires might also be next-to inevitable. If you don't enjoy the urgency of serving needs you've discussed with others, I would recommend just pacing the room or walking around the block outside until you feel you can commit to something. That worked for me this week. Sorry if this doesn't help, but no problem if it does. 🙂 

 

 

 

 

 

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6 hours ago, wheatbiscuit said:

I remember attending all my classes at college/university for a semester but putting in almost none of the work, then feeling glad for Summer. Of course, then I was doing everything I felt like. 

The next year I got more serious, and didn't do as much of those 'fun' things, but was sad. I still had great connections to my family, so when my brother suggested I talk to a certain girl, I did, and we dated for about half of the year, platonic-like. When the same time of year came around, I gave it all I had for 3 weeks, but couldn't keep that up because I didn't 'know' anyone else who felt the same. That year, I opened a textbook in the evening while sitting next to my mom and wanted to discuss every page. It was important to try and learn, but other evenings our attention was just tugged elsewhere. That Summer, I didn't know it, but I was depressed.

I never went 6 months without gaming, by choice and commitment. I was on a new and powerful medication for 5 years, and for 2 of those years I threw myself into exercise and watching/re-watching movies and working, but I still did all the things I felt like again. I had in fact 'given up' my main game (changed my passwords to random things) because I was enjoying the renewed focus and motivation from the medication.

My personal growth has always been slow. Your hands are probably much more trained than mine for a lot of experiences. But in times where I've just felt lost or depressed, I've found myself getting involved in random activities in the community. Observing things, watching and talking to people, trying to find interest in whatever I come by - even volunteering, which for one week each time just reaffirmed I was still a part of society. Going to a museum with someone, or alone if manageable and just being a viewer of things you may have forgotten came to mind. Stuff like that.

Being nice enough to hold in negative opinions of people and things is tough. I've always just needed a worthy distraction to pour myself into. The healthier, the better. 

Anyway, this has been a morning with some of the happiness that you described for me, and I couldn't check in and see your post before starting the day without trying to say something to show care. 

P.S. - I have once gone somewhere where no one was around and screamed before. It was great. heh. And I think those exhausting thoughts of different desires might also be next-to inevitable. If you don't enjoy the urgency of serving needs you've discussed with others, I would recommend just pacing the room or walking around the block outside until you feel you can commit to something. That worked for me this week. Sorry if this doesn't help, but no problem if it does. 🙂 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for all the kind and insightful words. I've been depressed three times in my life so I know how this rodeo usually goes. One of those times was a major one but I still beat it and came out a better person. I'm trying to focus on those positive facts right now and don't be too afraid with what I'm feeling. I know it's a phase and I know I will overcome it eventually. I just need to find some more support right now to ease some of this pain. Staying at home all by myself is not the best way to go about it; it just puts you in theis catatonic state that is so hard to wrestle your way out of.

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In order to shift my focus towards some positive things I'm gonna list them down below:

1. I've been gaming free for almost 6 months now.

2. I've been porn free for almost 1 month now.

3. I'm in great physical health and I've managed to lose almost 10kg this year.

4. I just got a substantial raise at work and I feel like my effort is appreciated.

5. My photography is progressing really well and I'm having lots of fun with it.

6. I have a family that is very happy to spend time with me this vacation.

7. I have at least three good friends that likes to stay in touch that I'm gonna meet this summer.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I’ve been staying at my mother’s apartment for two weeks now and my vacation is going good so far. I’m exhausted every now and then by the constant socializing but I have some days when I’m doing some things on my own. Me and my mother have been talking about my feelings of withdrawal and it feels nice to be able to throw it out in the open. It doesn’t feel so dramatic anymore and I’m quite comfortable opening up about it. 
 

A couple of days ago we went to a tropical centre with my grandparents and it gave some unique opportunities for taking photos. It doesn’t match seeing animals in the wild but it’s still fun to get close to some unusual species. 🙂

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I've been thinking a lot about social media today and my decision to start using Instagram. It has left a pretty sour taste in my mouth and I'm not sure If I want to go down this road anymore. I initially wanted to use Instagram to have a platform to share my photos with friends and family first and foremost. And while it is nice to get comments on my photos and some immediate response, it also makes me feel some pressure in uploading things that I'm satisfied with. I'm recognizing some behaviours I had when I was gaming where I got quite obsessed with how I presented myself and how perfectly I could organize things such as pictures, lists, profile texts etc. It's such a time consuming and pointless behaviour that I'm glad I toned down when I quit gaming.

I've also been stuck on other peoples accounts and comparing my photos with others, and while it is nice to get inspiration it also takes away from the proudness I can feel of my own photography. Above all I don't feel at ease taking photos from time to time because I'm always thinking that it might be my next Instagram post. I also think a lot about this when it comes to my future travels where I want to share with others what a wonderful life I might have (because everyone else is having one, right?).

To add to all this we also have an Instagram chat for my family which is constantly active with reels and all manner of sporadic contant. It mostly feels stressful and quite meaningless. I regognize that it's comfortable to have a chat where we can all talk but at the end of the day it's more of a lobby for spreading reels rather than an exchange for meaningful dialogue. And my family can always stay in touch via texts or calls, like they always have.

The more I think about it the more it feels like a clear choice. I've also read a lot of diaries on this site where people want to quit social media as well so it's safe to say that it brings out a lot of stress in people who were once addicted to gaming. I'm gonna think about this for the rest of the day and make some kind of decision before bed time. I'll post soon again when my decision is final.

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Good decision, these things are always important to consider even if most people nowadays don't I would suggest also evaluating instagram as if it was a normal tool, seeing its upsides, downsides and them comparing them to actions that you would truly deem important towards your final goals.

For example if you want to learn about or enjoy more photography and for example find that having an instagram account limits your ability to engage with the activity as well as stresses you out and in exchange, gives you some possible inspiration from time to time you could evaluate wether that inspiration is good enough or wether other options such as photography workshops or groups could be worse, just as or more beneficial and decide from there.

Anyways it is great to see that you have been achieving so many things in this last year such as getting new friendships, losing weight and eliminating the internet hope it continues to go that way.

Cheers.

 

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14 hours ago, Wildermyth said:

Above all I don't feel at ease taking photos from time to time because I'm always thinking that it might be my next Instagram post. I also think a lot about this when it comes to my future travels where I want to share with others what a wonderful life I might have (because everyone else is having one, right?).

Heh, wonderful all the time? No way 😛 If I were to have a go at shared photos or videos (not having properly used Insta), I'd say that my opinion is potentially missing out on a more lasting feelings/ moments of inner-fulfilment (or much, much longer! - depending on how 'in tune' the person is) that would often be stunted by staging a bunch of pictures. EDIT: What could be better or worse for people might be even forgetting they were having a holiday/free time with loved ones and taking pictures and things like they were back in their regular routine. 

The pictures and videos I've taken, I made sure I felt good about them inside before I decided they were worth capturing and sharing, but even then, the framing of those moments online took a lot of effort choosing descriptions and stuff. And gym/lifting videos? Ooft, if there was ever a place I enjoyed just losing myself without worrying about my camera's filming angle, it would be there. Hard to discuss, I appreciate your bringing it up.

Edited by wheatbiscuit
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Thanks for the insightful comments! I’ve decided to stick with Instagram for now and try to make the best of it. I think I’ll have to evaluate the app a bit further down the line when I’ve worked out some of my desires and needs. Meanwhile I’m gonna join a Fujifilm forum to get some valid input on my photography so maybe I’ll get some tips there for better options when it comes to getting exposure. It would be nice to have lossless uploads for instance where it’s easy to access pictures and make slideshows on different media devices. Not sure if such a thing exists but I’m gonna look around. 
 

I’m also gonna start printing my pictures soon as I’m working up quite a steady portfolio!

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I’ve given a go at street photography lately as the weather has been quite poor for nature adventures. It’s not as fulfilling as photographing animals but it’s still fun to learn some new fields of photography.

While taking photos under challenging circumstances some small thoughts of wanting to game will start to pop up. Especially if the weather is poor or if an opportunity gets wasted. My brain has been so hard wired to think about games whenever I want an excuse to stay at home for the day. The same goes for feelings of failure and setbacks; I immediately want to ”cure” it with a gaming session.
   
As of now though I’m only one week away from being sober for 6 months. Feels a bit surreal to be honest but I’m gonna make some thoughtful post on social media about it when it happens and treat myself and my family to a nice cake perhaps. 🙂

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Today I've reached a new milestone as I'm now officially 6 months gaming free! 🥳

It feels a bit surreal concidering how much I struggled to even make it through a month, and now I've managed six of them. I really believe I can make it a year now because I have so many new and exciting things to occupy myself with. I've also engaged in some new friendships that I hope will prosper over time. To always look for new horizons and be open to try new things has been my recipe for success I believe. When you start to open yourself up to the world and all its people you begin to realize that sitting at home and staring at a screen all day feels like wasting time. Life is truly too short to be experienced in a lesser digital form.

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1 hour ago, Wildermyth said:

Today I've reached a new milestone as I'm now officially 6 months gaming free! 🥳

It feels a bit surreal concidering how much I struggled to even make it through a month, and now I've managed six of them. I really believe I can make it a year now because I have so many new and exciting things to occupy myself with. I've also engaged in some new friendships that I hope will prosper over time. To always look for new horizons and be open to try new things has been my recipe for success I believe. When you start to open yourself up to the world and all its people you begin to realize that sitting at home and staring at a screen all day feels like wasting time. Life is truly too short to be experienced in a lesser digital form.

Congrats on 6 months!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Today I had the best day in a really long while. I met a new friend, we had really nice weather and I got to attend a bird ringing event. Bird ringing is when you capture small birds and put an ID tag on their legs in order to track their flying patterns (among other behaviours). It helps research a lot and it’s also fun to do because you get to come really close to the birds. When the day was over I was overwhelmed by this feeling of meaningfulness. I haven’t felt this in a really long while and I hope it’s a sign of things to come. My vacation is officially over tomorrow and it doesn’t feel all too bad to come back to work. In some respect I even look forward to it. This semester has been a blast overall!

 

-edit-

 

Too bad I can’t upload any more pictures. I seem to have exceeded some kind of limit… 😭

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Edited by Wildermyth
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I've been renovating my hallway the last couple of weeks. Some fresh paint, a new armchair and some other stuff. The main reason for this update was to hang a photo collection of my best photos. I've been meaning to have a photo wall for some time now and my hallway, as it turned out, had the perfect space. I like the thought of seeing my photos as soon as I step through the door - I want to feel at home right away!

In terms of gaming I've been playing some random Switch games at work with a couple of kids. It happens from time to time that they want to play Mario Party, FIFA or whatever. These are not games that I'm naturally drawn to and there's no issue for me to play games at other places, in small doses. My issue has always been to game at home, when I'm in complete control of the experience and can let it run amok without anyone interfering. I figure this is the kind of relationship I'm gonna have with gaming going forward, where I occassionally have small gaming sessions at work and with friends. I'm a bit cautious of course but I feel confident that it doesn't amount to anything problematic.

I also have an accountability partner now regarding quitting porn which has helped a great deal. She asks me every now and then how it goes and tries to pep talk me. I can really recommend this if you are struggling all by yourself!

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I met up with my photo teacher yesterday in order to print a couple of my best photos. They came out really well so I’m gonna have them framed and put them on a wall at home. My teacher said that I had come a really long way in just a short span of time which really cheered me up. It’s one thing to get compliments from your friends and family, but from someone who is an expert in their field feels fantastic! :)

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I think the most challenging days to withstand my urges are the days when I'm feeling tired or exhausted. My brain is so used to kickstarting my system with gaming, porn and food whenever I'm low on energy. And sometimes it's hard to keep up the energy when I fall behind on sleep or exercise a lot. There's also a difference from being exhausted from a good deed, like going to the gym, or being irresponsible and lazy. I know the value of getting into bed as early as possible, yet I cannot help myself from time to time and I stay up late and eat a lot of unhealthy foods. It rather quickly starts a cycle where it feels more and more ok to continue being careless and inconsistent. And the same thing goes for the opposite of course, where it's easier to continue on a good path the more you stay on it. Despite this fact it's hard to be on your best behaviour every single day and you will eventually stumble a bit. For me the biggest challenge is to not lose myself too much so that I can get back on track as quickly as possible. It's a big win that I don't game anymore whenever I feel down, but I still have to be mindful of my sexual and physical health.

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