Jump to content

NEW VIDEO: I Replaced Gaming With Real Life (Nicco Transformation)

Game Over


Wildermyth

Recommended Posts

This will be my second and final journal thread. It will work as a new starting point for my ultimate goal, which is to quit gaming for good. As I reflected on in my previous journal I've come to realize that I want to make this a lifetime commitment and not a temporary challenge. I respect those who try to work towards a goal within a set time frame, but for me this only means that I'm biding my time until I can relapse again. This has to be a lifestyle choice for me and something that I put all my being into in order to grow into the person I've always hoped to become.

I'm writing this from a position of strength currently which I'm thankful for. I've just bought myself a camera and I'm planning a hiking trip abroad this summer. I've always longed to travel alone to some foreign country where I just focus on myself and the experience. I've yet to decide where I'm gonna go to but it will most likely be a european country with lots of beautiful nature.

Lately I've been listening to nordic folk music which is great for meditating or long walks in the forest. I'll share one of my favourite songs below if anyone's interested. 💚

 

 

  • Like 3
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I always quitted for 90 days as a goal, but I never thought about actual going back after achieving that goal. Its just a way to count your days in, and celebrate the goals. I dont think anyone with a real addiction can moderate or change their lifestyle ob the long run if they dont quit gaming for good. There are many examples here. So I think your decision is good!

 

Good luck

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

18 hours ago, Lobares2 said:

I always quitted for 90 days as a goal, but I never thought about actual going back after achieving that goal. Its just a way to count your days in, and celebrate the goals. I dont think anyone with a real addiction can moderate or change their lifestyle ob the long run if they dont quit gaming for good. There are many examples here. So I think your decision is good!

 

Good luck

It's great to set up some milestones along the way and celebrate your achievements as you say. I've made a bad habit out of keeping track of most things in my life so for me it creates a lot of tension where I bring myself down if I stumble ever so slightly. It becomes almost an obsession in itself and it quickly transforms into a beast that is similar to the one that consumes me when I play video games. Gaming for me is a world of control and when I'm not able to use it I will lash out and seek control elsewhere. Needless to say it becomes rather destructive and ironically the feeling of control is almost never there. So while I'm trying to give myself some leeway with various other activities, in order to release some of that tension, I'm also doing the balancing act of keeping gaming away as far as possible. It's a struggle I will have to deal with for the rest of my life and I'm learning to accept that.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I learnt today that there is a support group for game addicts here in Sweden. It’s free of charge and they meet online two times a week. It sounds like something I really need right now because I want to come in contact with people from my own country that has this issue. So far our government hasn’t recognized game addiction as an actual diagnosis, even though the healthcare is seeing an alarming increase in people who need help for their excessive gaming habits. It’s bound to be recognized and I want to be part of that beginning as much as I can. I have so much to share and also so much more to learn about myself. 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Have been losing focus today and thought a lot about buying a new PS5. I even installed the phone app and started adding a lot of games to my wishlist. But as I did I was overcome with this feeling of not wanting to game. It suddenly felt like a chore to start it all up again and I instead thought about the joy of skiing and taking photos with my new camera.
 

It takes a toll on me to be thrown around between these opposite emotions. It feels very conflicting and confusing, even though I’m happy that I end up in a positive state at the end. I did not experience this the first time I quit so it’s all a bit new to me. I suppose this is exactly what it feels like to try to battle addiction. You have a side to you that does everything to take control and you have to go through the process of rationalizing and arguing with that side, to the point where it almost feels easier to just let go and let it take over.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I usually refrain from writing this but I've concluded after some talk with my closest ones that I'm not ready to make this commitment in my life now. There is a large part of me that wants to have a healthy relationship with gaming and I don't know if it's possible, but at the moment I don't have the willpower to resist these urges to continue playing. It's such a big part of my DNA at this point that it feels like breaking myself in half. It's a bit sad I guess but I want to be honest with everyone, and most of all myself. I'm still gonna visit the forum of course and take inspiration from everyone who write here but I will most likely not make some new posts until I make more sense of this detour and how it affects me.

 

Stay strong all. 💚

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 1/19/2023 at 2:56 PM, Wildermyth said:

Have been losing focus today and thought a lot about buying a new PS5. I even installed the phone app and started adding a lot of games to my wishlist. But as I did I was overcome with this feeling of not wanting to game. It suddenly felt like a chore to start it all up again and I instead thought about the joy of skiing and taking photos with my new camera.
 

It takes a toll on me to be thrown around between these opposite emotions. It feels very conflicting and confusing, even though I’m happy that I end up in a positive state at the end. I did not experience this the first time I quit so it’s all a bit new to me. I suppose this is exactly what it feels like to try to battle addiction. You have a side to you that does everything to take control and you have to go through the process of rationalizing and arguing with that side, to the point where it almost feels easier to just let go and let it take over.

Unfortunately you misinterpreted this. This wasnt the actual battle, this was the first step of the relapse. After I read this post I knew the relapse is near especially since you are unexpierienced with the detox. Before you start gaming again and falling back to addiction u usually do some small steps towards it like watching game content or in your case preparing your next gaming session(without the intention to actually play) Just wanted to write this so you know it for next time

The real battle is to never go one tiny step towards the relapse trap

Good luck,

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 1/21/2023 at 6:03 AM, Lobares2 said:

Unfortunately you misinterpreted this. This wasnt the actual battle, this was the first step of the relapse. After I read this post I knew the relapse is near especially since you are unexpierienced with the detox. Before you start gaming again and falling back to addiction u usually do some small steps towards it like watching game content or in your case preparing your next gaming session(without the intention to actually play) Just wanted to write this so you know it for next time

The real battle is to never go one tiny step towards the relapse trap

Good luck,

Yeah, I guess the snowball effect was inevitable when I started to let go just slightly. It takes a lot of time to strengthen your mindset and resist those urges, but it gets better with time as I experienced with my 90 day detox. I'm just so disappointed that I wasted the opportunity and went back to game when I was on a roll. But thanks for giving me the perspective of when a relapse actually occurs.

On the flipside I'm currently finding immense joy in trying to learn how to ski and this has naturally steered me away from gaming. It feels so much more meaningful and it has all the components of a healthy activity. I've always dreamt of being able to ski down a really grandiose mountain and it's a powerful feeling to finally be on this path. I'm also looking forward to spring and summer so I can take more photos with my new camera. Next week I'm starting a photo course after work and I hope to make some friends there.

Edited by Wildermyth
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've had this idea that I want to share pictures of my new life in this journal, to remind myself in a more visual manner of the progress I'm making. Sometimes pictures can be very powerful because they work not only as reminders but also as evidence of something that has transpired. It also helps to make the journal a bit more personal which is ultimately something I want to be in my writings.

The first picture I want to share is from the last weekend when I made real progress trying to learn how to ski. This was my third attempt at the same ski slope and I previously didn't have the courage to use the lift or ride from way up on the slope. This time I mustered the courage to ride on the lift and I managed to make some adequate turns on my way down where I didn't fall more than once. I've yet to go down from way up top but I'm slowly making my way up there. This day gave me a really good feeling that lasted a long time because I could really sense how meaningful it was to be learning and exercising at the same time. And the progress was very direct and impactful as I could feel myself growing stronger with each attempt.

10 years ago I moved to the northern part of Sweden in order to experience the wonderful winters there, but gaming always came between me and those dreams. I wasted every single year not even touching a pair of skis and it bothered me the more I tried to avoid and deny it. How wonderful it is to finally start this journey and leaving that old life behind. I can only imagine the vistas I'll be experiencing when I get really good at this. I've already booked two ski trips this winter with my sister and some friends and I can't wait to see what they will offer.

IMG_E9550.JPG

  • Like 1
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I found this old notebook today. It was given to me as a parting gift during my last year at high school. Me and my class mates took a small hiking trip close to the school and gathered around a bonfire; then everyone was given an empty notebook that was sent around so that everyone could write something cheerful about the specific person in it. The teacher then put his own mark on it by writing a fitting nickname on the cover. As you can see on the picture below my teacher called me "The Player Supreme", because gaming was the most noteworthy thing about my identity. During those school years I got a lot of support from both my teachers and class mates in giving up gaming occasionally so that I could socialize with new people and try different adventures. It was during those years my eyes opened up to lots of the non-gaming related things I like to do today. I've always looked back on those years as perhaps the first step in the right direction, even though I've stumbled a lot since then. But without the insight those days brought me I probably would've had a very different life today. Above all it gave me the strength and confidence to explore things and challenge myself; something that has become a big part of my identity today. People still see me as a gamer but it's not the only thing they see anymore.

IMG_9578.JPG

Link to comment
Share on other sites

WARRIOR MODE - These are the words I woke up with today. I feel like I can climb the tallest of mountains, solve the most complex of puzzles and conquer the hardest of tasks. I have so much strength right now and so much motivation to use it! These days come quite rarely but when they do I want to make the absolute most of them.

Yesterday I had a great conversation with one of my best friends where we talked about addiction, love and all manner of things. It felt like true catharsis because I could express so much of what I feel right now. I didn't really understand how great it felt until today though when I woke up and had all this positive energy. I recognized how little I've thought about gaming and how well my training has been going. I can really start to see progress on my body and it gives me great motivation that I'm able to shape myself with this new mentality I'm trying to adopt.

I still struggle a bit with porn and bad food but I'm gonna set a challenge to make at least 30 days without resorting to comfort food and porn. It's going to be tough but I'm confident I'll make it!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

This weekend I had a real blast attending the World Rally Championship, which now has moved to my home city, Umeå. I feel spoiled because it's such a huge event that people from all over the world travel to see, and now it's right at my doorstep. Sweden is also fortunate to be the host of the only winter rally on the entire calendar so it makes the event extra special.

I've always loved motorsports ever since I was a little kid and my grandma and grandpa took me to watch touring cars and racing trucks. The speed, the roar of the engines and the hype around the track... it just gives me goosebumps all over. And of course racing games were a big part of why I liked gaming, because it was quite possibly the only way I could experience some of that joy of driving on a racing track with a fast racing car. I'm still on the fence with simulation games because of this, even though I don't want to think too much about it right now.

And oh yeah, I got a nice opportunity to try my new camera during the whole event. It was very hard to capture such fast moving objects but I managed to get a couple of good pics.

DSCF0362.thumb.JPG.20b402bc7ebd4f8263e01d3bb71500bd.JPG

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My colleague asked me yesterday if she should buy either Forsaken or Hogwarts Legacy, and it occured to me that I had no idea what advice I should give her. I've been out of the loop for a couple of weeks now so I don't even know the release date of some upcoming games. And the best thing about it is that I didn't feel any urges to look up information about the two games when she asked me. Back up just a couple of months and I would know almost every detail about them and I would be obsessed with watching previews, playthroughs, streams and what not. I always planned my gaming ahead for at least 6 months so that I could schedule every single thing in my life around gaming. It was exhausting to say the least.

I truly hope that my current feeling will stay with me for a long time because it's helping me a lot in dealing with these changes. I've been fortunate to put my focus elsewhere on much more interesting things and I hope it will stay that way. Much like skiiing during winter I hope to develop some new skills during summer time as well. Or maybe that will be the time when I travel the most. 🙂

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Bought myself some new ski equipment today so that I don't have to rent my skis anymore. I've yet to try them out but I can't wait until my first ride with these new boots and skis. They felt so comfortable when I tried them out at the store and I got a nice bargain as well. Skiiing has really become a saviour for me as it demands so much attention when you're as inexperienced as I am. You have to plan ahead, learn a plethora of moves and be focused and mindful of your technique as well as your safety. It's such a rush compared to just sitting at home on the sofa and playing mindless games all day. And at the end of the day you get exhausted in the best possible way instead of going to sleep with a headache from all that screen exposure. Fresh air, exercise, social contact, learning, nature... what more could you wish for. 💙

Here's a pic from the local slope that I usually visit. It's not the best in the world but it's more than enough for a beginner. Plus, the view is great!

ghsfgh.JPG

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

So I'm a week away from getting my Playstation account deleted now. When you call customer service and demand a permanent deletion they put the account on a 30 day suspension so that you have the chance to reverse it. Last two times I did this I panicked at the end and called in and reversed it; but this time I really want to go all the way. I am trying my best not to think about things I might lose and instead focus on the things I will gain. But it's a big step for sure since I've never succeeded with this whole process. I know for a fact that when this account is deleted there will be one less big reason never to return to gaming so I know it is the right thing to do. Gaming is slowly fading away from my identity and it's starting to feel like such a relief.

  • Like 2
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Today I reached one of my biggest milestones, which was to erase my final gaming account. I also erased the email that was connected to it and all my other gaming accounts.

I had some minor feelings of regret a couple of days ago but today it all felt crystal clear; I knew with every inch of my body that this was the right thing to do. 

I’m not gonna waste any more thought on this today as I’m gearing up to go skiing for a couple of hours soon. 🙂

Stay strong all!

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Was looking at my bucket list today and discovered that I've done two things on my list already this year. One of them was to learn how to ski and the second was to eat a steak tartar, which is basically raw beef that has been seasoned and garnished with lots of delicious stuff. It's one of those dishes, like sushi for instance, that makes certain people feel repulsed since it consists of raw meat. But I have to tell you that it tasted absolutely fantastic and I was overall pleasently surprised. There's no doubt that I will order it again as an apetizer.

The whole point of my bucket list (besides enjoying life ofc) is to put in perspective how much variation and meaningful experiences there are when you venture outside and start to explore. This is something I always felt inside me but was afraid to do since it meant that I had to trade away precious gaming time. At times I could almost physically feel this struggle inside me where I wanted to take part in a new experience or learn a new skill but my gaming side always convinced me that it was "too time consuming" or "too much work". It's sad because I've wasted so much precious time of my youth where I could've exercised to grow a stronger body or maybe found some new friends and interests.

I am thankful at least that I'm on the right track now and that I'm still young enough to do all of the great things that I've put my bucket list.

IMG_9581.JPG

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The Formula 1 season is just around the corner and I'm thinking about racing games. I used to spend a lot of money on expensive racing rigs and a vast number of peripherals. It was my favourite genre without a doubt as I couldn't get that kind of experience in real life. I'm too old now to get a racing license and it's also not a career that is attainable without a lot of sacrifice. It's simply not my destiny and I'm fine with that.

The only kind of games that I could ever concider to take up are racing simulators, as they are built very differently from conventional games. They are very bare bones experiences that often lack things such as career modes, progression systems and what not. Some even have a monthly fee in order to get access to the competing community. This is why real racing drivers use them to train and get better.

I am afraid though that opening this door will lead me back into other forms of games as well, which ultimately is something that I do not want to happen. There is no reason to entertain this thought at the moment but I know it will be a decision I'll have to make down the road since my interest in racing is bigger than ever.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is refreshing to see your growth and struggle. I hit a plateau when i completely stopped following video games and mastered my current job. I am not in my dream job and it feels like another video game.

Without learning new skills, life starts to lose its flare for me.

I am threatened with lack of awareness and proactivity right now. You are totally in the fight so keep the tempo up.

the idea with a bucket list is a killer man. When i studied at high school I used to spend time with a Finnish friend. people are gutsy and patriotic from your region.

Edited by Amphibian220
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

17 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

This is refreshing to see your growth and struggle. I hit a plateau when i completely stopped following video games and mastered my current job. I am not in my dream job and it feels like another video game.

Without learning new skills, life starts to lose its flare for me.

I am threatened with lack of awareness and proactivity right now. You are totally in the fight so keep the tempo up.

the idea with a bucket list is a killer man. When i studied at high school I used to spend time with a Finnish friend. people are gutsy and patriotic from your region.

Thanks for reading my journal, I appreciate it. 🙂

Some things come intuitively to me but overall I'm an emotional person who's not always good at thinking ahead. Taking my time and writing these journals makes me discover new insights so it helps in preparing for upcoming challenges. My bucket list is something I've had with me my whole life but I never paid much attention to it until I realized why I never did those activities. Gaming has taken so much time from me, even though I've enjoyed myself a lot with it over the years.

The finnish people are like a special breed of nordic inhabitants. We usually make fun of their tough attitude, much like with the russians. It comes to no surprise that they are neighbours. 😆

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Got a small art board a while back with the same tag as my journal. It pictures a cat that has gone to sleep next to a gaming computer, which is a fitting outcome for a tenacious late hour gamer. I placed it on my shelf besides the only gaming related item I now own, which is a non-functional Gameboy. I decided to keep it to remind myself of what was once my main motivation in life has now lost its function and meaning. Every now and then I like to take a glance at it to feel invigorated with strength and determination. I know that gaming will continue to introduce itself in my life and force my attention, but in the end it's about drawing a line of how far and at what cost. Having this piece of broken gaming equipment on display in my home ultimately makes me feel that I'm in control of that process.💫

zxgdghjgjk.JPG

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This weekend I went to a real ski resort called Bygdsiljum for the first time which was just an hour away from my city. It was both fun and a bit scary. There were so many different slopes with various difficulties and so many people, both young and old. I'm so used to going to this one local slope now that I haven't really thought about the challenge of riding on different terrain. I didn't quite find a slope that suited me perfectly but I tried a couple of ones that went fairly well. I'm still a bit insecure when it comes to blue and red ones but next time I'm gonna try blue ones a bit more. My technique is really improving with each try and I'm eager to build up my confidence. Going at high speeds is such a rush but it's also where I can hurt myself the most.

In the video game environment you always had this feeling of safety no matter how bad your failure was. I could crash straight into a wall with a racing car or fall down a cliff because I got too carelss in an RPG; the next attempt was always a click away with full health at respawn. Real life doesn't work like that as there's lots of downtime in between your attempts and if you fail you can either hurt yourself or lose the confidence to try again. This is a key component when it comes to growing as a human being I believe. We have to take the good with the bad and make ourselves stronger from it. And this doesn't just apply to physical exercise but to everyday life as well. I often called in sick during work when I gamed the most because I couldn't deal with the whole process of learning, socializing and getting sore all over; I just couldn't see any kind of benefit from it when a video game provided me with instant feedback and satisfaction even during failed attempts.

So in the end I don't believe this is about me learning how to ski per se, but more about teaching myself the imortance of putting my mind to something and deal with the consequences that follows.

 

 

asdfafdhggh.JPG

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

There's a lot of unrest at my work place right now. A lot of our employees have initiated a strike in a very sensitive time. It was calculated of course in order to gather a lot of levarage for their upcoming negotiations. At the moment it doesn't seem like there is a solution so our employer is forcing the people who are left to work some really bad hours, and with short notice to boot.

The positive thing in all of this is that I remain rather calm, unlike my fellow collegues. I think my battle with gaming addiction has strengthened me quite a bit recently and compared to those struggles most things pale in comparison. I am determined that I want to continue at my work place, even though we are headed towards some tough times. I am ready to fight for my position there and I'm gonna try to do as best as I can in these trying times. I think positivity goes a long way and I don't wanna ruin my current streak of looking favorably towards the future. 🌻

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Closing in on two months gaming free now. I haven't even thought about the amount of days so I looked it up in the calendar today. It's going really well so far I have to say. I haven't been exposed to much gaming related stuff besides the occasional ad or some Youtube clips from recent or upcoming gaming releases. It's nothing that has peaked my interest though. I'm beginning to move ahead of all the games that I previously looked forward to so I don't really know what's coming anymore. It helps a lot in making me less prone to look at gaming clips as I'm not anticipating anything anymore.

On the downside I still can't get a hold of watching porn and eating bad stuff. I usually have streak of a couple of days but then it quickly falls apart. I am still trying though and I'm focused on being as determined as possible. Keeping track with an app called Strides helps a bit since the threshold of losing control grows bigger with each day I mark.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...