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For myself


LostRiver
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I agree, Accepting your weaknesses is about being honest. And being honest is being intelligent, it uncovers new approaches to given problems and strikes you with how powerful and resourceful you can become.

 

 

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Fuck some shit up at work. Was not even that much of a big deal but I felt like shit. People had to cheer me up, felt like a baby.

I just remember my own motto:

Be careful when things are easy, stay steady when things are stable and work with others when things are hard

I will remind myself of this. Daily now. Plus I will start reciting step 3 prayer whenever I become an emotional wreck:

God, I offer myself to you — to build with me and to do with me as you will. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do your will. Take away my difficulties, so that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help using your Love, your Power and Your Way of life. Please receive me into your will. Amen!

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Al-anon Meeting

Expectations are premeditated resentments

I might hurt people. What I do possibly will impact people negatively

Surrender to this moment here, to my Higher Power

Let it start with me: I cannot blame, point to others for what I am responsible for

High expectations slow serenity. Be reasonable with yourself and the world

I am with my fellowship, I do not have to figure things out on my own anymore

Reflections:

- Steps 3 is also about handing my own expectations over to my Higher Power and do my best with this moment here.

- Distance from you kinda should be distance from love: how in touch with my higher power is measured by how much I can love and understand MYSELF, and then any person closest to me.

Edited by LostRiver
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Meditation meet

Drop by drop the bucket fills to the top

Clothes are for "clean attention": I dress up to a degree so that people look pass my outside and we can connect

Judgement is natural and part of survival instinct, sometimes people judge me because they need to, not because of me.

Compation rather than reaction. Reaction is the operating mod most of the time.

Use tech, don't let it use you.

Less notifications on phone, less app

Get a to-do, don't have to worry

Don't judge your meditation: no expectation of results, of time, just go in to see how it/ I feel

Edited by LostRiver
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On 11/9/2022 at 4:31 PM, LostRiver said:

How has my prior knowledge and experience affected my work on this step?

I feel relieved. My self-will no longer burdens me. I surrender and it feels really good. I feel at peace.

When I thought it was about good luck I was nervous. I was bummed when I hit obstacles. Now I will pray for the knowledge that my higher power gets me, guides me, and loves me no matter what. So next time I hit an obstacle, confront my failures: it is natural, I will do my best and I will take comfort in the fact that my higher power is there for me.

I did good but there is room for improvements. I am so excited to realize that I can experience peace, love and serenity beyond my wildest imagination.

[[END OF STEP ONE JOURNALLING]]

What do you mean end of step one?
When you say serenity you mean the quote of seeing difference between the things you can control and not control?

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6 hours ago, LostRiver said:

Meditation meet

Drop by drop the bucket fills to the top

Clothes are for "clean attention": I dress up to a degree so that people look pass my outside and we can connect

Judgement is natural and part of survival instinct, sometimes people judge me because they need to, not because of me.

Compation rather than reaction. Reaction is the operating mod most of the time.

Use tech, don't let it use you.

Less notifications on phone, less app

Get a to-do, don't have to worry

Don't judge your meditation: no expectation of results, of time, just go in to see how it/ I feel

Regarding getting a to do it's great. But, make sure it's prioritized, because otherwise you're going to procrastinate on the most important things possibly.

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On 11/19/2022 at 3:40 PM, Yan said:

What do you mean end of step one?
When you say serenity you mean the quote of seeing difference between the things you can control and not control?

I use the Narcotics Anonymous Step Working guide to answer questions about myself. They have 12 steps and I finished the first

Serenity to me is peace and acceptance for myself and the world. I guess that peace gives me the ability to tell what I can change and what I cannot change as well.

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2 hours ago, LostRiver said:

Al-Anon meet:

When I'm stuck in my head, in my own feelings, I gotta find a way to get out and ask: how can I be of service?

Arrived to this point recently too, it's so helpful! I think I read it in the "The Obstacle Is the Way" book...

Do you think of it as, I'm not doing/being my best just for myself, but for all the people and communities around me? For me, reminding that me living my best life (which means me doing a lot of great but hard things and being happy) is as much an act of service to myself as it is to others helps so much with drive 🙂

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14 hours ago, LostRiver said:

I use the Narcotics Anonymous Step Working guide to answer questions about myself. They have 12 steps and I finished the first

Serenity to me is peace and acceptance for myself and the world. I guess that peace gives me the ability to tell what I can change and what I cannot change as well.

Oh wow, after all this time I finally understand what you're yapping about here all the time :D:D Thanks for the clarification!

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9 minutes ago, Thomas King said:

Good luck!

i am also committing myself starting yesterday!

today is day 2. Lets do this!

Hey there! Thank you for the kind words.

We are with you on your journey too. Hooray for 2 days!

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ITAA meet

NA BASIC TEXT - STEP 12

The idea of a spiritual awakening takes many different forms in the different personalities that we find in the Fellowship. However, all spiritual awakenings have some things in common. Common elements include an end to loneliness and a sense of direction in our lives.
We feel that our lives have become worthwhile. Spiritually refreshed, we are glad to be alive. When we were using, our lives became an exercise in survival. Now we are doing much more living than surviving. Realizing that the bottom line is staying clean, we can enjoy life. We like being clean and enjoy carrying the message of recovery to the addict who still suffers. Going to meetings really works.

We share from our own personal experience what it has been like for us. The temptation to give advice is great, but when we do so we lose the respect of newcomers. This clouds our message. A simple, honest message of recovery from addiction rings true.

=> This is something I have been looking for. The lower the bottom, the more experience I get. If one day there is this addict who is terrified to tell stories of how he/ she shits the bed in withdrawal, I will be there for them (that is a story for another day lol)
 

- Be prepared for holidays

- Maybe stop looking at guides on Youtube for stuffs => Go ask people how to do stuffs

- I have been using to deal with my character defects

- People from other 12-step programs may not understand at first

- I was hurt today. I was hurt seeing people tip-toing around me/ trying not to upset me. I was upset to see how lonely, how far away from others my addiction make me. I turned it into rage. I made "angry" plans to get things, to achieve things. I started counting wins and losses, started feeling vindicated. But at the same time, my head was spinning. My mind was so heavy I did not know what was going on. Only after I joined and shared at today's meeting did I realized this. I really need is to connect and have some commaraderie with people.

 

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On 11/25/2022 at 4:55 PM, Yan said:

Could you end the source for those questions?

Not sure what you mean here. To end the source of all my wondering about my addictions or something like that?

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GAA Sunday meet

- Need to ask Higher Power for courage to change. Cuz it's a long term process plus I need to work on it with efforts and courage for it to work

- A lot of relationships have been damage cuz of gaming

- Need to work on being able to live with myself moments to moments: exhausting, lonely, bored, paranoid, struggled at work (when did you not have rough day?), be gentle with myself, afraid of isolation

The body keeps the score

- Parts of myself that had to take the wheels during relapse -take care of that

- Am I doing my best right now vs This is the best I can do right now (read step 5 and 6?)

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