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About cammyhammy

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  1. I'd like to do something like this, but I'm not sure I can. My brother is away at college and video games are the only hobby him and I share. It's really one of our only ways to bond. In fact, as I write this, we are getting ready to play. I do not play frequently enough or for long enough periods of time with him to become addicted again, but it feels wrong to be still connected to my vice (even when the connection is weak). I've tried explaining that I do not like video games any more and that they make me angry, but it doesn't change the fact that they're the primary means we have of bonding. If not for my brother and my irl friends, with whom I play very very rarely, but who would be confused if I deleted my accounts, I would DELETE all my accounts and forever rid myself of this final connection. I'm not sure what to do. The following things are mostly reminders to myself, but if any of you stumble on this and think my advice is helpful, feel free to take it. I've gotten accepted for my first job. It's a summer job. If not for quitting video games, I would not have it. If not for quitting video games I would have been spending the last few weeks obsessively playing games that do not make me happy. I would be miserable and addicted and unable to progress in life. Keep this in mind. If not for quitting video games, I would not have hung out with friends multiple times over the course of the last few weeks. I would likely not be invited to social events because I lack social ability and confidence and if I was, by some miracle, invited, I would likely decline for some ingenuine reason, citing other plans or a lack of a ride. Hanging out with friends is enriching and fun. I want to do it more. I cannot do it more if I spend all my time playing video games and being unproductive. I want to become a freelance writer. I have for years, despite only consciously recognizing this relatively recently. This will not come without work. I cannot sit at my computer and fantasize about what is to be in a few years once I've put in the work. I HAVE TO PUT IN THE WORK. I WILL NOT WAKE UP ONE DAY AS A SUCCESSFUL WRITER. NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE YOU. NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE YOU. NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE YOU. NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE YOU. NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE YOU. NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE YOU. NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE YOU. I must become organized. Starting tomorrow I will write. I will enter a writing competition, perhaps. I will begin a short story. I will decide an area of interest for me to advertise my skills in. I will practice. I will read one of the two books I've downloaded to my kindle on writing. I will be productive. There is no other possible way that I become what I want to become. I refuse to turn into that kind of person which I've always despised. I refuse to be a wishful thinker, always hoping that one day all my dreams will come true without me ever having to put in work. I refuse to take a 9-5 job that I hate because it's the societal standard. I refuse to believe all that is said on the impossibility of becoming successful as a freelancer. If I put work toward producing an attractive writing portfolio, if I actively try to improve my writing, and if I am aggressive in seeking out customers, I can be successful. I've purchased a guitar. I recognize that I have a problem with hobbies; I become very invested in them for the first few weeks then get absolutely burnt out and never want to do them again. I am now conscious and mindful enough of my own behavior to realize this and to want to avoid it. I will not force myself to play the guitar as I have forced myself into other activities. I will not spend all my free time watching youtube videos about guitar playing. I will not put all my eggs into one basket by only playing guitar and neglecting my other hobbies. I will still be productive. I will stop playing guitar if I become disinterested or frustrated, returning only when I want to. I will not chastise myself for not progressing in guitar as fast I wish or for having fun playing guitar when there is productive work to be done. This brings me to my final point. I also have a problem having fun. Perhaps it's a self-esteem issue, and I don't believe myself deserving of fun when there is work to be done. I compare myself to successful people and I tell myself that they don't "squander" their free time as I do. What I have trouble realizing is that so many successful people, especially with modern-day media and social platforms, are able to curate the way others see them. Of course they boast online about their accomplishments and their success. Of course they want themselves to be seen in the eye of the public as unfaltering in dedication to their craft. This is not the reality of their situations. They have free time. Although they are likely more productive than the average person, they are not without hobbies or moments of absolute recreation. They "waste" nights watching TV or relaxing. They are not constantly working, and I don't have to be either. I could likely expand on the last paragraph, but I think what I've written is a sufficient reminder for myself as of now. If any of you are reading this, I hope you have a wonderful and game-free week. Wish I had friends who wanted to improve themselves as you guys do.
  2. It's been a while. Since last I posted, my brother, who is now at college, came back home for a few weeks and during his time here, he persuaded me to play games with him. Although I knew I am susceptible to addiction I agreed to play because I thought I had grown from my experience and wouldn't fall into the trap anymore. I was wrong. Soon after he went back, I began playing on my own. Although I've been strong and mindful enough not to play for 12 hours at a time, I can feel myself slipping back into the rabbit hole. For this reason, I have uninstalled my games (for what feels like the 90th time) and I am restarting my journal on here. I am also going to be trying nofap, because I am tired of allowing my urges to control me, when I should be controlling them. Right now I'm struggling with boredom. I am on summer break and although I have applied for a few jobs, I've not yet heard back from any of them. My days have nearly no schedule at all and I am very unproductive. I need hobbies badly. The problem is that when I look at Cam's list, although I am sure I may enjoy many of them, I cannot make myself interested enough to try them out. I want to learn to play the guitar, but I'm not sure that the hobby would last (I have a tendency to get REALLY into hobbies and then burn out and quit them within a few weeks) and guitars are expensive so this isn't the sort of thing I'm willing to take a chance on. I've realized that the days I feel most fulfilled are my most productive days. For this reason, I am (from this day forward) going to start the day by writing myself a todo list. I will apply for more jobs, work on my senior project, perhaps practice some art (which I like but haven't been doing), study for my ACT, and anything else I can think of. Right now I feel a sort of constant mental fog preventing me from being happy, and I am sick of it. I want to be happy. I want to feel that I deserve happiness. I know I will not feel fulfilled, however, if I continue with my bad habits (playing video games, being unproductive, procrastinating, fapping). Anyway, I wish the best of luck to all of you and hope that you're having an awesome Thursday!
  3. Hey, John. I've just gotten through reading all of your entries, and I really hope you find the strength to continue in your self-improvement journey. I also want to tell you that your art is really, genuinely wonderful. I'm not saying this to make you feel better or to pad your confidence. You possess a degree of skill in art that I know many people would kill to have. How long have you been drawing? What do you use to create your work? Best of luck!
  4. Day 14 (I think): It's been a while since last I posted. Truthfully, I've just been busy doing more easily enjoyable things with my limited freetime (meaning I get home from school and I play soccer outside for a bit, fiddle with my rubik's cube, or read). I have not gamed at all, but I have watched a couple of game-play videos and am pleased to say that within half an hour I was thoroughly bored and ended my watching session before the video was over. From an outsider's perspective, it seems crazy that people could enjoy playing video games as much as they do when the games are so repetitive and frustrating. It is all too easy to fall into that trap. I've decided to pick up nofap for ATLEAST 90 days, which is a daunting challenge for me. I am also trying to drastically reduce my phone use. When reading @mattso's journal, I came across a method to increase productivity called the Pomodoro method and am currently trying it out to see if I can increase the amount of homework and general productive activities I get done. I feel more comfortable in social contexts lately, although I have not made many real concrete steps to improving my social skills. I have begun reading Six Pillars of Self-Esteem as @fawn_xoxo has been recommending and after a few days of reading I have come to the first exercise (which I have begun, although I don't think I notice an effect yet). I am grateful for the recommendation and although I haven't had the chance to do all the activities the author recommends, it has been an enlightening experience to learn about self-esteem and all the things in life it affects. I still believe that I should pick up some more hobbies, but given that I cannot drive anywhere and can't get a job (because I have school 5 days a week and when I get home I have about 2-3 hours before I have to sleep and on weekends I am usually busy and that is my only real time to do things I enjoy), my choices are limited. If anyone has any easy and cheap (or free!) recommendations, please let me know. I think after writing this I'll check out Cam's list again. Anyway, I have been praying for you guys nightly and hope that you are successful in all your endeavors! Here's to a wonderful week ahead! 😊
  5. Day 6: Today was an interesting day. I read a bit, got my rubix cube PR for 3x3 down to 2:15 and have ordered a couple of "speed-cubes" so I can solve faster. I also went to an eye appointment and picked out some new glasses, so I'm very excited about that. After the appointment, I went to a mall because my sister was shopping for prom dresses. While she tried them out, I waited in the very crowded store area. I saw multiple girls that were really cute and just my type (blonde with a cute face, basically), but I didn't have the confidence to say anything. I think my lack of confidence stems not from any personal issues (I think I'm at least an average looking guy and recognize that personality is ultimately more important to looks for getting girls), but from my inability to properly socialize with others. I have also (likely from my years of not interacting with them) put girls on a bit of a pedestal and feel that I'm not 'worthy' of an attractive girlfriend (or any girlfriend, really). Not only that, but I felt insecure just standing there without a purpose for such a long period of time. It's frustrating to come out of video game addiction only to realize just how stunted your social skills and confidence are. If anyone has any books you would recommend on building confidence, please don't hesitate to comment below. Anyway, I hope everyone's having an awesome weekend and fulfilling all the plans they had! 😊
  6. @Brian 88 days is awesome! What are your plans post-day 90? Gonna play in moderation or are you done with video games for good? As for Eudaimonic well being, I've never heard of the formal name for it, but I've definitely heard of the concept. Jordan Peterson gives out advice basically along the lines of the theory, saying that (and I'm paraphrasing) you should stop looking to live a "happy" life and starting trying to live a meaningful life. So many of our addictions are fueled by us trying to seek the short-term pleasure you get from checking social media or playing video games or some other activity that makes you feel good for a little, only to make you feel so worthless in the end. I definitely think we should spread the word more about this concept, I'm sure many of our members can benefit from it. Hope you have an awesome Friday!
  7. Day 4-5: Not having any real urges to play video games, but I am starting to get bored. I do not have a license and do not have any "real" friends yet so I can't drive somewhere and/or hang out with people. I have been reading and actually solved a rubix cube for the first time without any instructions (best time so far is 3:30, if any of you like cubing let's talk :)), but these activities get a bit boring after a while. I think I may begin writing a short story today, but I've yet to decide on the topic or any real details. I think I may draw something today, I enjoy doing that. I've also decided that I'm going to start writing out 4 things I'm grateful for everyday since I've seen people doing this on here and it seems like a good idea. I'm grateful for: 1. Having enough money to buy a kindle 2. This forum, because it's the only place where I've found such a supportive and like-minded group of individuals who try to help each other quit video games and get their lives together 3. All of you for inspiring me to improve myself and to make something good of my life 4. Nature trails and nature in general, it's/they're (don't know which one's correct so I'm gonna put both) so beautiful Also thanks for the book suggestion @fawn_xoxo, I've downloaded it on my kindle and will start reading soon! Hope everyone has an epic Friday! 😆
  8. Hey Jimbo! I'm currently in the 90 day phase so I'm not playing any video games right now, but I have tried to 'play in moderation' in the past and it never fails to lead back to addiction. I know some people, like yourself, are able to play occasionally without falling back into bad habits and that's awesome, but video games are just such a weakness for me that I know I can't play them at all.
  9. Got a few things planned: Go to the park (hopefully, kind of out of my control) Get my rubix cube solving time to sub 5 minutes Go to an optometrist appointment (I am so excited to get new glasses!) Memorize a speech I've written for debate club Read through a new book I've gotten on being charismatic Study for a calc test Unfortunately although I have friends I talk to in school, our bonds aren't close enough for us to hang out frequently so I have no social events planned. Fingers crossed that as I try to improve my social skills I will expand my friend group to find people I truly resonate with. Hope everyone's weekends are awesome! 😀
  10. I get how you feel. People (for whatever reason, I'm no psychologist) like trivializing the problems of others. It sucks, but you must learn to ignore it; these peoples' opinions don't matter. And as for having no one on this forum to care about you, you have to adjust your expectations. How could we really, genuinely care for you when all we know about you is a few short snippets of information that you have posted on here? We don't know you in person and without you revealing deeply personal information and/or having one-on-one conversations with us, it is hard to develop a sense of care for you as a person. I promise you, though, that I recognize you as someone who is trying to improve himself and I care for you as much as one person can care for another without knowing them. Stick with what you're doing, try to find good and caring people in real life, and your situation will improve.
  11. I don't know how to reply to your message so I'm just quoting. I do struggle with self-esteem. Some days (or some hours, it can change fast) I feel super confident and enthusiastic about whatever I'm doing and then for no reason at all I struggle making eye contact with the waiter or something like that. I think I am going to get this book.
  12. Haha I see how that might seem a bit controversial, but I stand by my advice. I should clarify that when I say "do not compare your experience to mine", I really mean that people reading these posts shouldn't compare how they feel to how I feel. Thanks for the welcome! P.S. I've seen multiple people recommending Six Pillars of Self-esteem lately, starting to think I should get it. Does it really help with your self-esteem?
  13. Day 0-3: I should mention before all I say that I have (for roughly 2 months prior to my initial post) quit video games in the past and have some experience with it, so please if you are reading my entries do not compare your experience to mine (and in general I would not recommend comparing yourself to others, it rarely leads to anything positive). I've heard that the urges to play video games are usually worst in the first week, but seeing as how this is my second (official) time quitting, they are not so bad for me. I have uninstalled Steam, Discord, and all other gaming-linked things with exception to Apex Legends so I can play with my brother (who is at college and who I rarely get to see) if he asks me. I have recently filled my time with other mind-engaging activities, like reading (I've been really enjoying Harry Potter and just got a Kindle Paperwhite), solving my rubix cube, and a little writing. I would definitely recommend that all of you who are trying to quit video games limit or completely cut off your connection to all gaming-related things in your life. Do not 'hang around' in the discords where your friends talk about gaming and play together, do not spend your newly expanded freetime watching other people play video games on streams or in real life, and do not keep your games installed 'just-because'. All of these things are potential lures, slowly and subtly pulling you back in the direction of your addiction. I like to use the metaphor of an alcoholic and a bar when reminding myself of why I shouldn't do any of the aforementioned things. Does it seem reasonable that an alcoholic should go to a bar just to 'hang out'? Does it seem reasonable that an alcoholic can socially-drink without becoming victim to alcoholism again? I don't think so. In this same sense, you should disconnect yourself from all things that previously tied you to gaming. I promise it will reduce the urges. On a semi-related note, I would also recommend that all of you cut down your time spent on the internet in general. It is so very easy in this day and age with the internet set up as it is to get lost in the endless pages of entertaining content on the internet. It is so easy to go on your phone, promising yourself that you are only going to check notifications, only to spend half the day scrolling through social media. This type of behavior (and I speak from experience) will provide you with nothing but a sense of emptiness and worthlessness when you reflect on your day only to realize that you wasted it on activities that you couldn't care less about. As a general rule (not just for the internet, but for life), do not act without purpose. When you feel yourself about to buy in to the destructive and far too common behavior that is boundless perusing of the internet, ask yourself, "What is my purpose in doing this?" If it is nothing but to escape from real-life (whether it be because you're bored, uncomfortable, or for no reason at all) refrain from doing it. I have found that by quitting video games, heavily limiting my time spent on my phone, and deleting all social media platforms I had, I have increased my focus significantly. I hadn't realized it before, but by using these things as an escape to real life, I was crippling myself both socially and mentally. My ability to communicate with others was extremely poor, and my focus was terrible. Now, I feel more interested in socialization (although I still struggle with making myself interested sometimes, I hope this comes with time) and I can easily sit down for hours and read. I have cut out the poisons that are habitual phone and video game use from my life and am now reaping the benefits! Anyway, thanks for the welcomes to the forum, I hope to stick around for a while :).
  14. I've played video games addictively for years. I'm tired of being socially inept. I'm tired of not having real friends. I'm tired of spending so much of my time doing a task that I neither enjoy nor benefit from. Starting tomorrow, I will be on Day 1 and I am excited. I enjoy reading, so I know I can do that when I am bored, but I have need more goals. Right now I have decided that in the next 90 days (the time period I will not be playing any video games), I want to learn how to solve a rubix cube, write 5 short stories, and work on improving my social skills (if anyone knows of some sort of course that takes you through some baby steps of improving socially or gives you challenges to improve, I would be forever grateful for a link). Seeing as how I have 90 days of increased free time and only three goals, I would very much appreciate any suggestions for new things to do. Cheers!
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