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2nd time quitter, 1st time w/ game quitters


championeal
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Day 13

Megatired and waking up early tomorrow to see the sunrise so making this quick. I feel less and less pull back to the gaming world every day.

Self-gratitude moment:

Hanging up a physical counter in my room for the gaming detox. A daily reminder that builds

- Neal

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Day 14

Highlight of the day: I spent about an hour tonight on the phone reconnecting with a friend I hadn’t talked to in a few months. I’m usually nervous about phone calls, but it all just flowed. Felt so good that I didn’t overthink what to say and flowed with the conversation.

Self-gratitude: Two weeks of gaming detox complete! I woke up early today and even still my energy is much higher than it was last week.

Let’s keep the weeks coming!

- Neal

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Day 15

Looking back at today, and the last few days, I’m realizing I enjoy my time way more at work than I had been. Work used to be a thing to get through to get to the free time and the fun stuff. Lately, time spent at work is a joy. I’m just a barista, so I don’t work any sort of special job. Something about my overall attitude just feels better. I can’t think of any specific moment where I decided to enjoy my job more. It just has sort of happened. Taking gaming out of the picture really gives space for other parts of my life to shine.

Quote of the Day:
“Our attitude toward life determines life's attitude towards us.” - Earl Nightingale

- Neal

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Day 16

Taking action - I started an online book club with two friends who I’ve felt disconnected from for too long. We’ll get to enjoy some good books together and hopefully get some time to catch up and chat too. I’ve never been in a book club before so this is all trial and error. We all mutually decided on reading Shōgun.

Memorable moment - My brother and I were driving around our town today. When we were driving past a field, we noticed geese. An absolute enormous mass of hundreds of geese spread out over just one field. We decided to step out of the car and say hello, but the geese got scared and flew away in a tidal wave.

To the small steps and small moments.

- Neal
 

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Day 17

Accomplishment of the day:
Getting back into doing some programming. Completed a challenge on freecodecamp, and I found it fun to test my mind and see what I could remember.

Inspiring song of the week:
Born For This by The Score
I have probably listened to this song 20 times in the past week.
From the song,
“We come from different places but have the same name”

- Neal

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Thanks for replying to my journal. Glad to hear that your journey is going well. What brought about your interested in coding? I used to think I wanted to learn coding so I could make a video game, but the further I got into it, the more I didn't like it- too complicated lol. I do admire people who can code though as I have always had an interest in technology.

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It's awesome to see how you've taken a bad situation and are trying to improve yourself from it. I find that very admirable and I'm looking forward to seeing how you grow from this. Keep it up!

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On 12/10/2020 at 10:55 AM, rivers said:

What brought about your interested in coding?

Coding is like solving a puzzle, sometimes a very complex one. Every solution is an accomplishment. When I get really into a programming problem, it's a good flow. However, I'm working on better discipline to practice more.

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Day 20

First time I'm posting in the middle of the day. Switching it up. The past couple days I've reached the end of the day only to feel too exhausted to want to write anything down.

I am currently struggling to stay disciplined in my free time. I find it filled up by a lot of consuming YouTube lately. Without gaming, I'm like a sponge, ready to soak up what's around me. Gotta keep choosing things that build me up.

Goal for today: pomodoro practice 4 of the skills I have been wanting to learn. That's only two hours of commitment! and yet it feels like so much...plenty of time left in the day though. If I sit around again I know I'll feel shitty and if I do some practice I know I'll feel accomplished. So time to get some discipline.

Two hours, four skills, okay let's do it.

- Neal

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On 12/10/2020 at 12:13 PM, BryanJaz said:

It's awesome to see how you've taken a bad situation and are trying to improve yourself from it. I find that very admirable and I'm looking forward to seeing how you grow from this. Keep it up!

Thanks for the support. Yes, it is from difficulties that we grow.

On 12/10/2020 at 8:54 PM, Jason70 said:

Sounds like you've been doing great so far, keep it up!

Thank you for reminding me to think of all the good that has come from this so far.

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Day 21

I was feeling overwhelmed and frustrated today. Thought about gaming. Thought about YouTube. Thought about Netflix. Instead, I decided to read, read a lot. And yes, I am so thankful that I read. For a few reasons: (1) I have now started on the book I committed to read for my friends book club (2) My difficult feelings dissipated (3) I feel a renewal of energy.

When I would turn to gaming to avoid these difficult feelings, it only served as a distraction. Gaming only made me feel better while gaming, and the moment the games were off, I still felt the same as before, if not worse. Respawn talked about restful activities. Gaming is not restful. Reading is restful. Restful activities rejuvenate. I need to remember this when I feel like avoiding.

- Neal

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Day 23

Today I did a lot of reading, reflection, and personal work. When I look back at today and I don’t have these things I can check off in a checkbox, I have to remind myself that it was still a good day. School has so ingrained in me a process of homework, grading, and feedback. I haven’t been in school in five years and I still feel that pressure. Not everything in life is going to be given a score, a progress marker, etc. Working on myself is definitely very fluid. I can tell I am changing, but the only thing I can say with finality at this point is that I don’t play games anymore. Everything else kind of feels up in the air. The days have been good. And I’m taking things day by day. I’m just trying to figure out where I’m going.

- Neal

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On 12/14/2020 at 3:39 AM, championeal said:

Respawn talked about restful activities. Gaming is not restful. Reading is restful. Restful activities rejuvenate. I need to remember this when I feel like avoiding.

This is also how I feel. Every time I game/watch TV/ see porn in order to blow off some stress I fell usually more tired and stressed afterwards.

 

On 12/16/2020 at 3:38 AM, championeal said:

Working on myself is definitely very fluid. I can tell I am changing, but the only thing I can say with finality at this point is that I don’t play games anymore. Everything else kind of feels up in the air. The days have been good. And I’m taking things day by day. I’m just trying to figure out where I’m going.

I also crave for some more immediate success a lot of the time. Unfortunately many of us spent years building in bad habits who will simply not go away overnight. That being said, I feel MUCH better now after 35 days of a more or less successful detox then I was last month playing games all the time.

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Day 31

It has always been hard for me to own up and actually call my relationship with gaming an addiction. I try to weave the narrative in gaming’s favor, sugarcoating the bad moments and highlighting the good. Enough is enough, I’m tired of fantasizing about gaming in the future or having nostalgia about gaming in the past. I’m setting an intention to NOT return to gaming when the 90 days are up.

I plan to continue posting less frequently as the days go on, because I intend to spend less time at my computer. I appreciate the support that this community has shown me from my first post.

Onward my friends.

- Neal

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  • 4 weeks later...

Day 54

This day isn’t anything special in terms of progress towards the 90 days, but today I remembered game quitters and my journaling and wanted to do it again! Honestly I didn’t even realize it had been this long. Not counting every day definitely allowed me to just focus on my daily life. At the same time, I think that while my days have been game free, they sometimes blur together without the journaling to check-in with myself at the end of day. So, I want to start journaling again, so that I can start reflecting on what’s next. My foundation right now is daily exercise and reading. Fill in the rest of the time with work, to-do’s, and social fulfillment in some way. I have found a good rhythm, but what’s next? Consistently trying out new hobbies has been something. I try something for a day or two, then forget about it for a while. I think I need to stick with something new for at least a month to really experience it.

A note on gaming urges. They come sporadically, randomly. Though, usually more often at night time. Those late nights of the past, gaming all night, and having a blast, come back. And, it probably would be fun for a night, but it’s never just one night. And then, the fun doesn’t last. So, when these memories come up, rather than shove them down, I’ve been seeing them through. I play it all out in my head, the good and the bad, no matter how difficult that is, and then I can let it go. Letting go is the hardest part. It’s still a process, a work in progress. I know this, because the urges still come back, even when I think they’re gone. Every time is a little bit easier than the last, though. Until the next time...

- Neal

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  • 2 weeks later...

Day 66

As you may have noticed, I’m still not journaling consistently, ha…
Well, regardless, I’m glad to be journaling today, and I’m trying a new format.

I’m in my bedroom, at my desk, wearing PJs and a hoodie, and thinking how it’s been quite a good day. I woke up and immediately got into my stretching routine (been doing stretching for a couple weeks now and my body feels so much better). A couple nights ago I stopped sleeping with my phone on my bed and replaced it with an alarm clock. No phone in bed = more sleep for meeeee. Lately, I’ve been watching Seinfeld in the morning, and that brings me joy. Before work, I tried on some new pairs of jeans I got from Amazon. My dad ordered nine pairs for me to try, maybe excessive, but hey I found a great fit. Then work, and work’s been good lately. It’s been a few months now at the same workplace and so I’m really starting to get to know my coworkers. Feels good. Work is a welcoming place, not that it was unwelcome before, but now I look forward to going so I can see these people. Afterwards, I went to the bookstore and bought the board game Carcassonne to play with my stepmom (I’m trying to get her into board games). First time for both of us, and it was a great time. Simple rules and easy to get into. Can’t wait for the next board game sesh!

Now I’m here, and when I read back over these notes, this day is pretty average, but it didn’t feel average. Without video games, even a simple day like today feels more memorable.

I’m grateful for my dad ordering me so many pairs of jeans, even though at the time I thought, “ugh dad, am I really gonna have to try all these on?”
I’m grateful for my stepmom being open to trying out a board game, because she knows board games are something that I enjoy.
Self-gratitude for my commitment to stretching to take care of my body. I’m also about to do stretching after this journal to wind down before bed.
I feel disappointed in myself for not speaking up at work today when a coworker brought up politics and was going over the line with nasty comments.
I feel sorrow for impulsively using social media in the in-between times today.

My goal is to use these reflections to improve upon myself for tomorrow.

- Neal

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  • 4 weeks later...

Day 90

Okay so I still suck at journaling consistently … it’s just not that important to me right now. I’d like to get more consistent at it in the future, but I’ve just been focusing on other things. Okay, so it’s day 90!!! Yessssssssss, it’s kinda crazy to me how those first days and then the first week and then the first month all went by at a slower pace. I wasn’t doing as much at first, and so I had thoughts of going back. Month two and three were a lot easier for me to the point where I haven’t been counting the days. Occasionally I look at my tracker and see where I’m at. A few days ago I saw I was almost at 90 so I got freakin excited! I’m so glad I’ve made it this far and I currently have no intention of turning back. I remember I used to think about a gaming binge once I made it to 90, but now I don’t have that urge (well okay maybe I still have that thought but I’m not fucking doing it).

To celebrate this moment I’ve attached some images as a reminder to myself of what I’ve left behind.
And also! Some notes on what I’ve accomplished over the past 90 days:

  • Read 7 books
  • 60 minutes physical activity 3 out of every 4 days
  • Relearning how to code
  • Woke up and did a hike to see the sunrise three different times
  • Reconnected with my Dad and brother on a ski/snowboard trip
  • Reached out and reconnected with multiple different friends over video chat
  • Researched the meaning of my family name and my family history going back three generations

My goals for the rest of this year:

  • Get a programming job
  • Read at least 20 more books
  • Save enough money to comfortably move out of my parent’s house
  • Complete The Game Quitters challenge
  • Complete The Strenuous Life challenge
     

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time-wasted-on-lol.png

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YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS ON 90 DAYS!!! 🎉🎉🎉

Like you said, after 90 days, that is now the time to consider how can I go further since I have completed the detox? I think those rest of year goals are reasonable and achievable! I wish you the best!

I am so happy for you! I hope life continues to bless you, and you keep up the hard work!

Best + Congratulations

Jason

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  • 3 months later...

Yo fellow gamequitters,

I'm back and plan to be journaling daily again as an accountability tool for myself until I feel I no longer need to. Sometime in the 100s days free, I don't remember what day it was because I stopped counting, but I decided it was okay to play games again, because my friends wanted me to join again, and I figured I was ready. This started out as time with friends and transitioned into me doing quite a lot of solo gaming. And truthfully so far since playing again, it has been okay, but that's really all it is, just okay. I am currently what I would call a functional gamer. I keep my commitments and do my job and get enough sleep and eat healthy enough, etc., but I think that gaming again is holding me back from really moving forward. Most times gaming is my boredom elixir. I feel like I am stuck, and need to change things up again to start progressing again. So, here we go again, Round 3 of taking a break. I will be allowing myself to game as way to connect with friends that I already know, but that is the only allowance. This will require extra discipline on my part to not do any single player gaming and to log off when my friends log off. I am considering also setting a daily/weekly time limit so that I am not drawn in if my friends decide they want to use the entire day gaming. I am looking forward to this new path that involves giving myself personal boundaries and space to work towards my goals.

- Neal

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8 hours ago, championeal said:

Yo fellow gamequitters,

I'm back and plan to be journaling daily again as an accountability tool for myself until I feel I no longer need to. Sometime in the 100s days free, I don't remember what day it was because I stopped counting, but I decided it was okay to play games again, because my friends wanted me to join again, and I figured I was ready. This started out as time with friends and transitioned into me doing quite a lot of solo gaming. And truthfully so far since playing again, it has been okay, but that's really all it is, just okay. I am currently what I would call a functional gamer. I keep my commitments and do my job and get enough sleep and eat healthy enough, etc., but I think that gaming again is holding me back from really moving forward. Most times gaming is my boredom elixir. I feel like I am stuck, and need to change things up again to start progressing again. So, here we go again, Round 3 of taking a break. I will be allowing myself to game as way to connect with friends that I already know, but that is the only allowance. This will require extra discipline on my part to not do any single player gaming and to log off when my friends log off. I am considering also setting a daily/weekly time limit so that I am not drawn in if my friends decide they want to use the entire day gaming. I am looking forward to this new path that involves giving myself personal boundaries and space to work towards my goals.

- Neal

Welcome back. I did the same thing. I think it helps me feel accountable here. It's definitely improved my life. 

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Round 3 - Day 2

I wrote a poem that I want to share. The writing for me released a lot of grief and is helping me to move on.

A Farewell

on autopilot I start up my computer
boot up league of legends
my first game in front of me like a plate
finished and on to the next
another one
another one
is this a seven course meal
no, this is an appetite you cannot satiate
no matter how many courses and plates
plates upon plates
hours upon hours
I ate
I played as much as I could devour
Sacrificing sleep
Myself, my power
until I started to feel more and more a coward
and even then it didn’t end
on and on
and on
and on it went
league of legends was my life
but really, was that all I had to live for
No I knew, I knew I wanted more
but instead I dove deeper
I convinced myself
that this was the path I’d chosen
and the only way out was through it
progamer or nothing I was ready to risk it all
risk all my time
and really, what’s more worthwhile
so time I spent day in day out
deeper and deeper
as my life became
cheaper and cheaper
what did I value
I don’t know
I don’t know
I didn’t know
I had no fucking clue what to do
I was trapped, or I felt trapped
I felt my only way out was self-injury
the self-inflicted pain I gave to myself every day
until I finally collapse
and even then
kicking and screaming
I gave the game up for the first time
and oh, it would not be the last time
because you see now this had meaning to me
sejuani and zac
the two that had my back
pantheon, lee sin
the true strength of men
these characters
no they’re called champions
because for a moment while playing
they made me feel like a champion
but that moment never lasted
and so after years of you stringing me along
dangling new skins, champions
ranks, game modes, etc.
in whatever way that I could rationalize
coming back
playing again
league of legends
it’s more than a game to me
it’s a part of me
my destiny
my journey intertwines with games played
games won, games lost
friends made, friends lost
classes paid and classes dropped
jobs started and jobs lost
So what’s the cost?
my heart, truly
for my feeling is lost
my mind, fools me
my thoughts fogged
league of legends
my friend
perhaps now we’ve reached the end
you were there for me when I needed you
but I think our time is through

- Neal

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Round 3 - Day 3

Today I had a complete day off work and I felt like garbage when I woke up so it was the easiest day to say "fuck it" and game the day away and I didn't do that. So I feel like a winner. Even though I spent hours on the computer just browsing, there is something different about that time spent where it is easier to get up and leave and do something different. Gaming will in a sense trap me to the chair. So yeah, I browsed for a bit off and on, but I also read a bunch and did some drawing and helped my family out with moving some furniture. So overall, like I said, today is a winning day.

- Neal

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