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About BryanJaz

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  1. Welp, it's been about six and a half weeks since I fell off the wagon. I made it to day 105, two days after my last journal entry and then my gf and I kinda geeked out and tipped the scales in the other direction. She got a switch, I bought civ6 and DOS2 on steam and we started playing a good amount most days. It was actually enjoyable at first, I had a lot of fun playing mario kart and DOS2 with her and then trying to learn civ6 on my own. But then I started playing league again and I think it kind of led to gaming taking back over. It hasn't been day in, day out non-stop play but there were
  2. Day 103 My gf and I slept out in a tent in my mom and stepdad's backyard last night and it was freezing. It was honestly still worth it because I miss camping and we finally got to try out the camping set we bought awhile back even though it is not made for such cold conditions. Last night we hung out with my mom, my stepdad, my brother, and my stepsister and played board games and card games. My stepsister, apparently, is really into Magic: The Gathering which I have only ever played once when a former co-worker invited me over to play. My gf and I agree that Magic might be a good altern
  3. @Bugg I ended up emailing them and got a call not even 1 minute later from the HR guy who has been "recruiting me." He pretty much explained that everyone took off the week after Christmas so they haven't even finished the other interviews and that the next step of the process is a tour/meet & greet with the staff. I feel like it's kind of an odd thing to have as part of the recruitment process but I also think it would be nice to see the lab and meet some of the other people that work there. He also made it sound like everyone just took an extended holiday and that it was basically a ghos
  4. I agree, it makes it hard to write something at all when you just want to vent everything out and know it might be too personal. I feel like if I have enough time I sometimes write out what I want to say in a word doc, save it, and come back to reread it later. I usually still feel like most of the post is okay after the reread but I will omit certain things from time to time. Btw, congrats on your 90 days, I just finished mine 10 days ago now! I struggle with the fact that to survive in the modern world, you have to be constantly "doing" and that it comes at the cost of forget
  5. Same, mate. I know it's a keystone habit for myself at this point but it is a major commitment and I find it hard to stay consistent even though I feel so much better after. Wishing us both luck with making this habit stick!
  6. My rage has only ever brought me more pain. I hurt the ones I love and when I calm down I don't even know what just happened, all I know is that I feel terrible and sick to my stomach. I haven't gotten truly angry like I used to in years and even now I beat myself up for how I acted. My dad made me an extremely angry person, he acted on his anger every day and directed it at my brother, sister, mom, and myself. My brother and I had it the worst but all of my siblings and mom's issues today stem from his abuse. I don't know what you went through nor do you know what I have endured but that pit
  7. I'm no expert on addiction, I just know from my own experience that gaming is an addiction for me. I would install League of Legends in the morning, play most, if not, all of the day and then get so frustrated and annoyed with myself that I would uninstall it at night. The process would repeat the next day, and would continue to repeat sometimes for weeks. I would generally make it a week or two without playing before I would cycle through the install, uninstall, reinstall loop again but I never really got over it. Finally, something clicked and I committed to a 90 day detox and it worked and
  8. I am very much a dreamer in the sense of wanting to live in a similar way. I imagine myself without a TV or phone, in a house that generates it's own (minimal) amount of electricity through solar panels and wind turbines. Rain gutters connecting with rain barrels that are used to water a garden full of all fresh veggies and herbs that I eat and compost the excess to be reused in the soil. Any places of excess water runoff are turned into water gardens that have native plant species proliferating the area. Clotheslines instead of dryers, instruments instead of devices, a meditation room instead
  9. Day 100 I have way too much time on my hands during the week and it's starting to get to me. I don't have a job yet and the job I had an interview for emailed me last Monday saying that they still had interviews they were conducting through Wednesday the 23rd, and that they would email me by the end of that Wednesday on what next steps may entail. I haven't gotten an email from them since that Monday and I have no idea what to think. I assume that I didn't get the job because I feel like they would have reached out by now but at the same time they haven't told me that I didn't get the job
  10. Day 99 Christmas and the holidays are over for the year and I'm glad things can at least slightly settle down. I have spent a lot of time around my immediate family but in semi-COVID standards and I kind of just want to take a step back and do my own thing for a bit. I love seeing everybody but it is also really draining for both my gf and myself. We ended up turning the place we were using as a TV room into an art/reading room which is something that makes me feel good. My gf and I have been watching a lot of movies (because we still don't have wifi) and it ends up messing up our sleep a
  11. Day 94 I'm still working on my 90 day reflection piece which I think I will trim up before I make a new thread somewhere to post it in. I don't know if anyone else has made a thread like this but I feel like it would be a solid idea. Today, I had a strong urge to play LoL which stemmed from boredom, being stuck in a waiting period, and watching some YouTubers that play LoL. I felt compelled to start it up again, but I feel like I could see that I was just being impatient with my current situation and I quickly talked myself out of it. Even though it could've led to relapse, I'm glad
  12. Day 91 I solved a wooden puzzle, twice, that took me hours to figure out before...in about ten minutes. I am almost certain that gaming was inhibiting my ability to problem solve because I never wanted to take the time to just figure things out. I will be attempting to solve another puzzle that I started probably about a year ago and just never gave myself enough time to solve. It's harder to figure out now because I forget what it's supposed to look like, but I am confident I can do it. This type of mentality has stifled me so much with doing things for my education and career that
  13. Day 90 I did it! Woot woot! A 3 month period of time of no video games whatsoever. It really flew by after the first month. I can't believe it's already December 19th, this date felt so far away when I started this detox. I'm inclined to find a way to celebrate but I also feel like the accomplishment is a reward in itself. Today, I'm just going to be hanging out with my gf and family. Probably gonna go sledding with my niece for awhile and then watch a movie before heading home. I'm probably going to read through all of my journal posts a few times and try to start writing out my reflecti
  14. Day 89 Almost there! After tomorrow, I think I am going to write a summary/reflection of how the 90 days went and where I feel I am at now. I know that I have undergone considerable changes during this period of time but I also recognize that it's only been 3 months not 3 years. I want to try my best to articulate my feelings as they are and to look back on what felt different about my life during the 90 days. It might take me a little bit to write it all and I'll probably do it in Word so I can just attach the file. As for today, I feel okay. My drive over to my mom's was terrible
  15. Day 88 I'm two days away and this last week has been probably the toughest I've had so far in this entire 90 days. First of all, on the morning of my job interview my gf and I woke up to 3 out of 5 of our fish being dead and the other two being near death. It was like an omen or something for how the day was going to go. She started freaking out and crying and I was just trying to contain my emotions because I couldn't deal with it at the moment, I had to go to my mom's to setup for the video interview. We both were extremely stressed out from the moment the day started... Then I got