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About BryanJaz

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  1. Day 69 The more I round the bend towards the end of this detox, the more changes come about in my life. I feel like I am becoming more aware of myself on a daily basis and it is helping me in so many ways but is also causing friction in my relationships at times. With covid so much is out of our control and it has affected and continues to affect everyday life in so many ways. I feel like the pandemic has put me through a whirlwind and now the dust is settling and I am seeing things through a clearer lens (mostly because instead of distracting myself with gaming, I am sitting with it).
  2. Day 68 Yesterday was a long day...it actually went pretty well in most respects but it was definitely odd given covid circumstances. Personally, I'm not one for holidays I don't feel like celebrating the same way every year for the rest of my life. I understand holidays for family gatherings and brightening children's spirits, but my god when you get older holidays are just these weird days where families who don't really enjoy each other's company come together, eat a ton of food, and complain about each other. I don't understand why most families keep the tradition going when it just en
  3. Day 66 I think you are correct (Lampshade) with saying that being sober in a group of people who drink is not as bad as I was making it seem. I think I get hung up on the fact that I'm the minority in most groups, in the sense that who I am and the choices I make are very much against the grain. I always feel like I have to reiterate that I don't eat meat, that I don't smoke weed (haven't smoked for 5 years and have no interest in returning to it), I don't watch sports, etc. With alcohol it feels like I'm further into the minority which I honestly kind of like...except on those shitty day
  4. My friend tried to get me into DnD once and I said that it wasn't the right time but I would give it a try. It sparked a huge argument for some odd reason so it kind of feels like a dead topic. However, I often feel like it would be a fun hobby to do once and a while if I had the time/resources. I 100% agree about the idea of making and role-playing a character as being really cool and something I miss about being a kid. I remember when I got into WoW, my friends and I would go outside and role-play as characters, picking up sticks for weapons, and exploring local backyards/parks as if they we
  5. I started The Stormlight Archive series by Brandon Sanderson and just finished Oathbringer earlier this month. Best fantasy series I have ever read and has helped me channel my fantasy nerdiness from gaming to reading. Just started Sanderson's Mistborn series and I have heard it's just as good (in a different way) as the Stormlight series. I also read Think and Grow Rich as a recommendation from a friend. I found it to be a useful read and was surprised by some of the content. However, the writing had too much salesmanship littered throughout it to be my cup of tea. I still think I gaine
  6. I definitely relate to feeling different on caffeine and not really enjoying it for more than the initial hour or so. I feel I am caffeine sensitive too because I get a whole host of symptoms as soon as I take the first tiny sip but the excited, euphoric feelings dominate for a bit. 2-3 hours later and I just feel irritated. The thing you have to remember about caffeine is that there is a psychoactive component to it...most other psychoactive drugs are illegal and/or heavily regulated. Caffeine consumption is encouraged by most! It is pretty baffling when you look at it from a biochemical stan
  7. I have a similar problem when it comes to alcohol with my family. Although I am not living with them at the moment, I visit a lot during the week and on the weekends and my mom and stepdad always have a drink with them at the end of the day. I don't like to drink that much but I get drawn into that world especially when we're doing yard work or watching a movie altogether as a family. I feel like my best option is true vigilance and creating mental suggestions for when I see/get an urge to grab a drink. I am not someone who is deeply ingrained in alcohol, however I feel like I want to complet
  8. Day 65 I recently had a big fight with my gf and it again happened while we were both drinking a lot. We've resolved our issues as much as we can for now but we are both really annoyed with ourselves and with how we both get when drinking. Since I am already committing to this detox and won't be returning to gaming, I feel like this needs to be my primary focus to ensure that I stay strong and remain gaming-free. However, drinking is something I've never truly been a fan of, I don't do it very often and I always feel like I don't want to do it in general. I hate how it completely ruins th
  9. Day 61 Thank you for the encouragement Pochatok, it's always nice seeing a friendly post. Luckily, I have a much better mindset this time around when applying to jobs and I have an actual idea about what I'd like to do so I hope it goes well. As for the meditation, I did a 10 day vipassana meditation retreat when I was 21 and I typically use the two techniques I learned there. I will definitely check out the Alexander Technique because I have been feeling like I want to expand my meditation repertoire. I recently cleared out an old room full of junk and am creating a "zen den" for m
  10. Day 60 It's kind of crazy that I'm already at day 60 of the 90-day detox. I wish I hadn't lost that amazon gift card because right now would be the perfect time for a small reward. I have been meditating pretty much every day and I am slowly starting to get more in tune with the more subtle feelings in my body. For instance, yesterday I was opening up a new DVD and I was on one knee in front of my ps4 with all my games organized in front of me. My first thought was "wow I like how those look, the aesthetic is really pleasing". Within the same breath I felt an alluring pull to open up a ga
  11. Day 57 Almost at 60 days...what a good feeling. I have been much more productive with anything and everything in my life and I am excited about my future. I am damn near broke but have pretty much polished up my resume so hopefully I will be able to get a job in my field soon. I am still trying to decide whether to sell my ps4 back to gamestop because you get such little money back it's absurd and I still use it for movies which is nice because of the high quality. I don't know... I'm not too worried about having it around for a little while because I haven't had any urges to play. I fee
  12. Day 50 7 weeks straight without video games...I'm actually impressed with myself. Closing in on 2 months and it's like I'm slowly emerging from the cocoon of addiction. I have a significantly clearer mind and an updated inner compass for my health. I'm realizing that I enjoy much of the habits I've tried to instill in myself over the past 6 years and without gaming I no longer feel "bored" by them or that there is something lacking from my life. I always used to feel that even when I was getting up early, putting true effort into school, taking martial arts, eating decently, meditating, o
  13. Day 47 Today I woke up at 7:15 (been a few days in a row now), I talked and hung out with my gf/did the dishes before she went off to work. Then I meditated for an hour, went for a run, stretched, and showered. I got out of the shower right before 11:00. I then made broccoli cheddar soup (homemade) which was good but had way too much dairy for me, went to the store for my sister, and drove to my mom's house to have some internet access. I have been trying to figure out a good morning routine for myself that will set me up for a solid day. I feel like if I could get up at 5:30 and do the
  14. I just hit day 45 of what's got to be my 6th or 7th time trying the 90 day detox. Best I got to before was 66 days and then I spiraled back into gaming off and on binges for 2 more years. I always got the feeling that I had to live a better life and I must commit to all of these extremely disciplined habits (waking up early, exercising 2 hours/day, not watching TV or sitting on my computer, meditating an hour morning and night, eating healthier, the list goes on...) It wasn't until very recently that I feel I've turned a corner and I genuinely want to do all of these habits. I understand that
  15. Day 45 At the halfway point and I'm feeling great with my progress. I have very very few urges and most are ephemeral thought bouts after a dream where I was playing a game or remembering a part of a game in my dream. In the past I feel like these moments would have crippled my momentum but now I just move on from them without shoving them down. There is a real release from the stranglehold that gaming had on my mind especially these past few years. Yesterday, my girlfriend and I talked about what I would want to do after the 90 day detox is over and we both concluded it would be best for