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About BryanJaz

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  1. 12/22/2019 I hit that two week mark and fell right off again. I stopped doing these daily journals and thought that I could handle it on my own...again. It started by playing League again, I noticed an email from riot games for one of my accounts that I thought was deleted so I installed and away I went. I've played consistently for about the last month and this time I could really tell it was stress related. I was nearing the end of my semester and as usual it was a time of great uncertainty and procrastination. The funny thing is I always end up doing fine and this time it's like video games and filling my time with them was way more stressful than the actual school work. I worried so much and ended up with a 3.95 as a senior chemistry major... I want this to be over, the flip-flop between my better life and the my life with video games. I sold my nintendo switch and my DS broke...the only real game I have to kick now is League. But it keeps pulling me back for some reason; I don't even enjoy it 99% of the time. I just uninstalled again and I really just want to move on as I know that I will not want to play any games once I have a job out of college. My plan is to do a complete screen detox this winter break. The only time I will use my laptop is to finish transferring credits and to apply for graduation. I will not watch any shows and will try my absolute best to not watch movies even with family. I will have my phone on me to Doordash but I have never had a problem with controlling my "phone time" anyways given that I don't have any social media. I will use this winter break to make some money, hang out with family, do some exploration of myself and get ready for my last semester as an undergrad. I also want to use this time to get my diet and exercise back in gear. Along with gaming, I am in the worst shape of my life and have so many injuries I need to address I can't just put them off with League anymore. So this is it, starting tomorrow I will be taking a 30 day break from screens in general and will continue video game free for the rest of my life. I know it will be extremely difficult, this addiction goes pretty damn deep and I know that I will have a lot of agitation and fear creep to the surface but I know I am strong enough to push through and I will not hesitate to ask family/friends for help when I need it. For this to really work, I need a plan as well as to make sure I commit wholeheartedly. Since I played League a good bit today, I know that tomorrow morning I will want to just jump back on and forget this. Instead I will make the long drive to my girlfriends and pick her up to hang out for the day and introduce her to my sister's family. Even though it's a lot of driving I know I would rather just get out of the house than to allow myself to go back to gaming. I will also put away my laptop tonight and will keep my desk free of a computer. In regards to this journal, I am going to do a daily handwritten journal for these first 30 days to make sure that I don't go to my computer early in the morning or at night. I might choose a few worthy journals to upload here once I am done with the detox but I think it is best to not let myself get into a routine where I go to sit at my computer. It's been awhile since I really committed strongly to a better life for myself and I know that I can do it, it's just time to stop putting it off. I think one of the biggest issues with why I keep coming back is that I really need to allocate time to be alone as I enjoy it and it allows me to recharge but for so long I have just been using alone time to play video games and it now has hindered my ability to be alone at all. To combat this magnetism to be alone and just game out, I feel like I need some communities to connect with. Just having support outside of the house and places where I feel like I am welcome and wanted and thought of would do wonders to keeping me away from gaming. I think a good martial arts gym/dojo would be the best place to start. I don't think that I can allow myself to just end a day at 4:30 or so and head back home after classes or whatever. I think that I will have to make sure my day goes right through to the late evenings in order to prevent a bad decision. It feels like a lot but I know I have a lot to give I just need new vessels to dump my energy into. I have so many interests but overcoming that inertia to start a new hobby/activity is really hard for me as I am a thinker through and through. But if I can just push harder I think I will get to where I want to be. Tomorrow it begins, and this time I am not giving up on myself. Time to really move forward with my life, free from video games.
  2. 11/10/2019 Day 12 As my second week of no-gaming rounds out I am beginning to feel better each day. I have been going to bed/getting up earlier. I have been eating better and planning out my meals to eat more consistently. I have had caffeine only once this week which was today while I was working outside in the yard. I have gotten caught up on all of my homework and have felt much more in sync with my classes and school responsibilities. I have also started stretching daily and occasionally meditating for half an hour to relax, calm my mind, and reduce stress. Overall, it's like a weight is slowly being lifted off of me. My only issue I really have seen this week is that I still watch videos of League of Legends and World of Warcraft from YouTubers that I have always watched. I feel like this is really bad and it definitely tempts me back into playing games if only for a moment. I think I need to outlaw this because it feels like I'm cheating but only in the sense that I am still occupying my mind with these games. I don't watch for more than 10 minutes and I skip around on the video but the familiarity and little buzz from watching the things that feel good in-game (killing a minion, or casting spells) are definitely pushing me towards restricting YouTube. It's not a terrible thing and I haven't done it everyday but I think it is time to create a new email/YouTube account and to fill it with non-gaming subscriptions. This will also limit my time watching videos which I feel can be a great waste of time but is something I tend to do while I eat/when I need a small break. Again, I don't feel like it is terribly hindering me, but it is nonetheless still hindering as a habit so it needs to go. This next week I am going to try to get a shit ton of my school work done as well as keep my diet steady and healthy. Everyday feels so much better and I feel closer to myself each moment I am without video games. This is 100 percent the right move and I will stay committed.
  3. 11/7/2019 Day 9 Today I feel like crap because after consuming too much dairy my bowels are liquid... It's honestly crazy this stuff is like poison to me at certain dosage. I was never this intolerant to dairy growing up but I definitely have gotten worse. This makes me want to return to a very healthy diet that I had cultivated for a little while about a year ago. Without games my brain is slowly returning to an equilibrium in a chemical sense and now I find I am more hungry for better foods. I feel like if I could nail down a healthy diet this winter I will be setup for success in my last semester of college. Maybe this lactose intolerance wake-up call can push me in a better direction...Either way I am just trying to finish this day out strong with my research at school. It is quite slow and monotonous but I had a good amount of time to finish some homework so I'm glad that got finished. I felt a slight pull towards gaming today because it offers such an escape from my issues and there is a new pokemon game coming out for switch that I wanted to try but I will stay strong and commit to this. I feel like I could talk about how after the 90 days it might be okay to try it out, but I am not even letting myself entertain that thought process...
  4. 11/6/2019 Day 8 I've been continuing my read of The Power of Habit and the information about keystone habits feels very useful to me. Intuitively, I feel like writing would be a perfect fit for a keystone habit for myself. I am very much a thought-based creature but I tend to just toil around with them in my head. I feel as though writing, whether for purpose or simply to just jot down some notes, could be a great way to "exhale" my thoughts from my mind and keep my head clear. Also, hopefully I will be contacting a therapist soon to see if I can try out a session. I think this might be the best way to overcome some of the more difficult things that have kept me playing video games all these years.
  5. Thank you for replying! I really enjoy talking this stuff out with people in similar situations. Moving on to your suggestion, I feel like it is time for me to follow through with counseling. I had made appointments before (a few years ago) but ended up bailing on it because it's pretty expensive and I was paranoid about this situation. I also am very selective with who I consider opening up to. At this point, though, I think it's necessary to help shed some of that crap off and leave it behind me. Even just writing that post was making me angry and upset, simply from thinking through it in my head. I agree with how you describe the defense mechanisms as keeping us grounded and getting us through tough times, I'm honestly just nervous to accept the vulnerability of letting someone pick my brain.
  6. 11/5/2019 Day 7 It seems like I can only get around to this every other day as of right now. However, I haven't really had any urges to play video games, I've just been kinda stressed out and slightly depressed. These feel like they're more likely due to the fact that I haven't been able to exercise recently from an injury to my knee. Not much I really feel like saying here today but the journey continues and I am still very proud and happy I have chosen to move forward from video games.
  7. 11/3/2019 Day 5 It feels much more like Fall today with the cold weather and accompanying this change is the preemptive thought of what I'm going to do inside with all my free time now. I just finished module two last night and I've deleted my steam, blizzard, and league accounts as well as moving my Switch to my girlfriend's house. I've taken measures like this before (I've had like 6 league accounts...) but I always end up reinstalling and making a new account. I think the key to abstaining this time will be to really take control of my life in as many aspects as possible. For this journal, I'd like to write out, for both myself and others, the ways in which I feel gaming have filled certain needs and instilled certain faulty mindsets that have kept me in this cycle for so long. My hope is that I can gain some clarity by typing all this out as well as any feedback the community has to offer or if anyone can empathize with my perspective. I'd also like to give some background into my life and how I started gaming and how it became an addiction. Warning: This post is going to be a novel, scattered, unfocused, and probably will come across like a rant... Let's start at the beginning. I believe my first video games were those leapfrog junior education CDs that were filled with games to help you learn pre-kindergarten basics. To be honest, I wouldn't even count them... But I'd say my first immersive, gripping, and consuming experiences with gaming came when my parents bought my siblings and me a PlayStation. We had Namco variety games, Crash Team Racing, Rayman, Spyro... the list goes on. Anyways these games as well as a few PC games like Roller Coaster Tycoon and GameBoy games like Pokemon were where I really started to love gaming. It was honest at that time though, games were very different and I was almost always playing with my brother and sister. We all share these memories and experiences and honestly I'm glad they happened, it was a lot of fun. Once gaming started evolving and the PS2 came out, as well Gamecube and then X-Box (and the 360), there was definitely a shift. I still think I was young enough to actually get a lot out of the games and they offered a level of exploration that I really gravitated towards. I was still playing games with my siblings and friends but my life was full of structure in the form of school, sports, and any other family activities that were just a part of being in elementary school. However, a darkness was building in my life and it was something that as a kid I was not equipped to deal with. During these times as a kid, from about 4 until 13-14, you are at the whim of your parents for most of your time during a day. They make you go to school, they care for your diet and well-being, and they sign you up for shit that you might not even really like... and my dad is a control freak to put it lightly. He is a civil engineer with a specialty in forensic analysis for infrastructure failures. In other words, he designs buildings, bridges, etc. but is also your go-to guy to figure out WHAT WENT WRONG when a building collapses or a pipeline bursts. His work life is centered around designs that need to be flawless as well as meticulous detail-hunting to find out mistakes/mishaps that are present in systems that fail. I was not made aware of what he actually did until I was about 19 years old. But as you might as well guess his mindset for his career bled straight through into his parenting... At 4 years old, I was taken to a dojo to learn youth Aikido but was swiftly transitioned into wrestling by age 5. Did I ask to go to practice with my dad and brother? No, my dad said "you're coming with Chris and me tonight, bring his old shoes in case they want you to wrestle." I was a very shy, quiet, and obedient kid. To the point where I cringe at how I used to be compared to how I am now. Anyways, we get to practice at one of the high schools in the area and there are two rooms full of kids wrestling. The rooms are tiny and separated by two flights of stairs. One had actual wrestling mats and was red with all the high schools wrestling achievements on the walls and the other looked like a gymnastics closet... with blue fold-able crash pads as mats. I was told to put on my shoes and find a partner. Again, I was shy and nervous all the time so I kinda stood there. Well I got paired with one of the varsity kids and apparently I held my own exceedingly well for never having wrestled before. According to my "non-biased" dad, one of the coaches (who was my coach in grade school and then again in high school for three years) said "you have to keep bringing him back, he's a natural." And that's when it all began... (Btw, my dad became a coach shortly after my brother and I started wrestling, he also coached one of the local high school wrestling teams) You might be asking why does this pertain to any part of my gaming struggles. Well, it will become clear how these two are intertwined as the story unfolds a little more. From that point on, I don't even remember how or why or if it was even a discussion but my brother and I were pretty much wrestling 5 days a week at this youth program. I started as inter-mural, which was before things got intense. We were the kids who came to some of the matches and tournaments just to wrestle in a practice-like setting before JV and Varsity teams would come out and wrestle each other. No bouts, no scores were kept, just kinda rolling around because nobody knew what they were doing. I did that for a year and my daily partner, Jake, would always get the better of me in practices because he was on JV and had been wrestling for a year longer than me. One year from my start, I ended up pinning Jake in a wrestle-off for JV the next year. I also, apparently, went undefeated my first 50 matches until I went up both a weight class and an age group. So my first loss was at the hands of a kid 4 years older and 10+ lbs heavier than me. I don't remember this... I only remember a few matches from my earliest years in wrestling but I seriously can't connect my head to these memories. But my dad would keep track of everything. He had all the brackets, scores of our matches, and trophies/medals that my brother and I won so that's what I'm going off of for those first few years. Anyways, as my brother and I got better my dad started taking us to his high school practices where we would practice with each other and do some of the high school drills. Honestly, I hated wrestling from the very start. I always said it and I always pleaded to my mom to let me stop or at least have a break. Unfortunately, my dad was not a very good partner and never really listened to anyone but himself. My mom was scared of him and so were my siblings and I. So we didn't really have a choice in the matter, it was mandatory. I always had wrestling practices and always had tournaments. My brother and I would have to sit there during Thanksgiving as my extended family ate a feast because we had weigh-ins the next morning for a tournament and couldn't dare miss weight (I was in the 52 lbs weight class...). Most of my birthdays were aligned with the end of the year tournaments for the youth teams so I would spend my birthdays wrestling all day. I hated it, I despised tournaments, and I closed myself off from everyone (except my mom). Now, you see I was a natural and I wish I could say this without coming off as a boastful asshole. I never cared about the laurels of winning, or being the best because its supposed to make you feel good. No, what I cared about was appeasement. If I won, my dad wouldn't scream at me. If I won, I could be left alone and could finally eat all those disgusting meals that were available at snack stands. If I won, I could wander off or sit in the stands and guess what... I could play some video games! But there was a cost for this, a large cost and I am still learning to balance the scales to this day. So, lets dial it back because as I'm writing this I am realizing I don't think I will be able to cover this story well enough in one post. In fact, there is no way I can, it's simply too much. For this post, I think it's best I'll just talk about my life before 7th and 8th grade because that was definitely a turning point for me. Okay, so my dad and coaches see that I'm doing really well at wrestling. I also was in the "gifted students program" PEN which somehow determined my I.Q. was above a threshold when I was in first grade... That's a story for another day. But I also played mid-field in soccer and led my team in goals every year I played. I had all Advanced (the elementary school version of A's) in school as well as perfects for Math in our state's standardized testing. I honestly don't even know why these things were important but I kept hearing from my parents, friend's parents, coaches, teachers, etc. that I was so "gifted." I didn't get it...I was simply just doing what I was told. My dad will always bring up the past and he likes to tell me of the time where I was at an inter-mural soccer game and he told me to dribble around the three people in front of me in a certain way and put the ball in the net. I apparently did EXACTLY what he said and scored like it was clock-work. There's a home-video of me at the beach where my Uncle gets my attention, I look up squinting, and he says "go jump a wave" and I literally got up, ran into the ocean, jumped a wave, and came back to what I was doing like nothing happened, no smile or child-like behavior... My wrestling coaches gave me a nickname: Robo. I was so obedient and streamlined that everything I did came off like I was a robot. At wrestling, I continued to improve to where I was winning local, state, and national tournaments. Sometimes I would be put in two age groups or weight classes and would win both tournaments (I wouldn't even get a break between matches sometimes which was absolutely ridiculous). From 4th grade until 6th grade I won my end of the year tournaments. I also won the junior state tournament the first year I was allowed to compete and dominated the finals match even though I was a year younger than everyone. I won it the next year as well, pinning the kid in the finals. Wrestling had now become a 6 day a week schedule for practices with tournament weekends being the exception. My dad took my brother and me all around the Northeastern US, from PA (where I live) to Michigan, Jersey, Delaware, New York, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Virginia, NC, etc. We would go to high school practices at 3:00-5:30 then either go to our youth program at 6:00 or travel to New Jersey (or some other hour-away spot) to practice from 7:00-9:00. All this time, my dad would scream at us on the way home, if the practice didn't "go well" or for some "mistakes" we made that he just couldn't tolerate. I fucking hated him and I would always sit directly behind his seat to avoid his gaze...my brother wasn't so lucky, he was in the passenger seat. As far as I can actually remember, I would like to say 2nd grade, I was determined to not get yelled at. I was determined to appease my dad the only way I knew I could. I would do what I was told and be as perfect as possible. Now, growing up I was a perfectionist and was described as having a black and white personality as well as being "robotic." But this was developed by nature as much as nurture. I didn't feel like I was allowed to have fun, I couldn't just let loose and be care-free. I had to numb that side so my focus was all on wrestling and doing well in school. I would be visualizing, and mentally preparing for a weekend tournament, from the moment I knew I was going (generally Monday that week) until the moment before my last match. I was laser-focused on not losing...it wasn't even winning...I seriously was so scared of my dad that I would repeat in my head, "just don't lose, just don't lose..." I had a routine before every match: 15 jumping jacks, 15 pushups, 15 situps, and 15 mountain climbers, every single match, it didn't matter if the kid I was wrestling never won a match before. I was always extremely anxious and nervous before every single match. Relief would only come after a match was over and I won/did well (this was brief because I knew I still had more matches) and I'd only be able to truly relax at the end of a tournament (one in which I had done well enough to appease my dad). Honestly, I could keep going and keep describing different memories but I think it's time to reel myself back in again. The rest can be for a shrink I am now considering going to... What this type of lifestyle created for me, was one very different from my brother and sister. I isolated myself both mentally, emotionally, and physically in order to create this "machine Robo" to serve the purpose of keeping me safe from my dad in as many instances as possible. There were times where I really wanted to be goofy with my brother and dad, but I had to catch myself to preserve this focus. Whenever I did let loose, I under-performed... and would get yelled at. (Tbh, there were probably times where I did let loose and still was fine...but I don't remember them). I feel like had to be the terminator or I would face the wrath of my dad and I was so scared of him I couldn't let that happen. While him and my brother would be off socializing and talking with all the friends, coaches, and wrestling partners we had met and trained with over the years, I would be either calling my mom, playing a video game, or sleeping in the bleachers. I hated all of it and just wanted to get home. So what did video games do for me? They provided an escape during a time of stress. They were a way out of my situation, both to kill time and to keep me preoccupied so I didn't have to worry about my upcoming bouts for however brief a time. Video games also helped with the longass car-rides where I couldn't eat as I was cutting weight. They helped with the daily drive to practice (although i would sleep most the time). I loved games and the different content they offered. I loved the progression, oh yes...the sense of progression! I loved the strategy and the un-pressured competitive nature of them. I could spend days playing and I always wanted to play more because I always wanted an escape from my situation. I hated wrestling but I loved gaming. From about age 3 until 7th grade, I gave my all in everything I did. I felt like I had so much pressure on me all the time to be this perfect kid that I would always try to be the best but it was all to just appease my dad. I was lucky enough to be born with certain pre-dispositions but they were only realized due to the situation I was in. I never felt like I could truly take a break. It was only when I was gaming that I felt like I was somewhere else and the pressure was temporarily lifted. I used my friends to game and use their systems. We would play together, of course, but I always tried to steer the situation towards playing more games. They were my drugs... Unfortunately, everything began to break down when my parents got divorced and I started having to live at two different houses. This was also during the transition from elementary school to middle school and the very beginnings of puberty. It was chaos unleashed. I was approaching the plummet after climbing to the peak. The divorce and all its accompanying crap is where my life fell downwards. What did i carry with me through these dark times? You guessed it...gaming. As my family life deteriorated, new games came onto my radar and my best friend had introduced me to WoW. This is where video games began to take hold of me and where I found I would always go whenever I had free time. For today, I think I'll wrap up this chapter with a little reflection but for anyone who reads this, I am giving you a tiny glimpse into my life. I hope you realize this is only a grain of sand...and my recollection is incomplete. What I hope to get across is that the magnitude of our issues seen through our own lens is always larger than anyone else can realize, it feels this way by design. I don't expect anyone to fully understand but I hope that you know even just reading this means the world to me right now. I appreciate any thoughts you'd like to share and I don't mind if this doesn't get fully read. Just writing this out is therapy for me, and it's awesome to have support in this community for dealing with struggles. I am interested in the different ways gaming has affected people who struggle with letting it go, just like me and why it became an issue for you as well. Hopefully, I can get my full story out soon, honestly I feel like just continuing but I am at least going to take a break. For now, this post has covered my story with gaming from about preschool (age 3-4) through seventh grade (age 12-13). There is more to come and I honestly might write this out for myself in a word doc. to add in more details but it seems to get my perspective across at this time. Also, I am going to attach a few pics of my trophies to try and demonstrate the magnitude of how much we wrestled (not to show off). This fact is important for my early years but honestly more-so for what happens later. They're both my brother's and mine but honestly we threw a good amount out and some got lost in translation from the divorce and moving a few times. To be clear, the boxes are stuffed with medals and this is not a full accounting. The trophies only really show a fraction of the tourneys as most places give out medals and we don't have all of them anymore. There were also jackets, sweatshirts, and other awards that are lost. Finally, I'd like to state that I grew up knowing others in similar situations as my own, however most of these people did not isolate and play video games. In fact, most were very social and would always be hanging out with other wrestlers or talking with the coaches and parents. I was "a man of few words" but I was also described as one of the most dominant wrestlers many of them had ever seen. I picked it up quicker than most but hated it. Everyone else seemed to enjoy it and most wrestled straight through college for D1 programs. They were always baffled when I said I was going to be done as soon as I could which was after high school. I did end up stopping after high school, in fact I never even finished my junior and senior seasons. In the next post I make, either later today or tomorrow I hope to unveil why.
  8. 11/2/2019 Day 4 Today is my fourth day without gaming and it's been a bit bumpy so far. Yesterday, I was a bit too preoccupied to sit down and journal although I really could and should have. As far as not gaming, I have been mildly tempted in my thoughts to revert back during moments of boredom/anticipation of free time. However, these thoughts and their allure is rather fleeting so I'm not very swayed by there presence. It feels like auto-pilot trying to kick in during slow times of the day. However, for the last few days I haven't felt great altogether. I've been falling asleep late at night and getting up late in the morning(around 10-10:30) which I definitely feel is bringing me down. Not just the fact that half the day is slept away but oversleeping kills my lower back and gives me a headache. I also feel a general fatigue throughout the day which gets very annoying. Unfortunately, my usual remedy is to workout and burn off my laziness/grogginess but I hurt my knee during a Jiu-Jitsu practice about two weeks ago now. It's difficult to keep my stress levels down when I can't workout... On the upside, I feel like my general interest in everything is slowly returning. When I play games, the sense of progression and good feeling associated with finishing tasks in-game definitely offsets the joy I get from doing other things. Even simple tasks like reading a few chapters have slightly more electricity than they would if gaming was in my life. It's actually pretty crazy how much of a sapping effect gaming has in terms of its ability to make everything else seem dull. So it has been nice to see the color returning to everyday tasks as well as other interests and pursuits of mine. If there is one thing I'd like to start focusing on again I think it is returning to a healthy lifestyle. For awhile I had a good routine going for exercising, sleeping, and eating (along with a few other habits); it feels like I've been away from that focus for awhile and now it is very evident in my day to day feeling. So for this week I would like to get my sleep schedule back on track as well as to eat at consistent times. For right now I don't feel like what I'm eating is terribly unhealthy but the way I'm eating is definitely off and causing issues. This week will be a boost back to healthiness and keeping this journal going will be part of that task. Also, thanks EpicJoJo for posting I'm grateful you gave me a reply. I have heard that phrase btw and I agree with it wholeheartedly. It's easier said than done especially when I'm not without normal obligations (college) but I definitely need to fill that void that gaming has left in my days. That time is very polarizing for me and I would like to be able to have some good go-to's in case I get tempted to turn around. I will try to use that technique and hopefully it goes well for me. Tomorrow, I would like to get my homework done as well as plan out what I need to get done for this next week. I would also like to finish cleaning my space to get to bed early as well as wake up around 7. Looking forward to continuing this journey!
  9. 10/31/19 Hello, Today is my second day without video games and it's as if I've returned to my actual life. Video games are such an escape for me that it feels like I'm living two lives; every time I decide to try and quit again, I am so taken aback by the stark contrast between how I am when video games are a part of my life and how I am when they're are not. It's seriously like getting half way through a movie, pausing it for however long (a week, month, etc.) to play games then resuming the movie as if no time has elapsed. I am right back into it, into my life and this time I want to stay for good. No more journeys into virtual life and pausing my reality. I want to dive further into the pursuits I have taken up in these last few years of my life. Unfortunately, this morning I skipped my history class to sleep in as I didn't get to bed until about 1. This habit of falling asleep late and waking up around 10 is directly linked to playing video games. To give some context, I hadn't really been playing video games consistently this summer. I did have my week long binges but nothing gripped me to play. It was more like struggling to find ways to spend my time. However, classic WoW released in late August and I had resolved to not play even though when I had heard the announcement a few months prior I was hyped about the release. I ended up playing for the first week in September and then quitting for about a week and a half. This is when the binge began... From about September 15th until two days ago October 29th, I leveled a character to max level in classic WoW. There were points where I wanted to quit as I knew how much gaming was affecting all other aspects of my life. But for some reason I convinced myself that I should just let this wave ride instead of trying to restrain myself so much. That I should just enjoy my time playing a game I sort of had fun with until the inevitable point where I got tired of playing and decided to ban gaming again. Throughout this month and a half period I barely did my laundry or washed my dishes. I was constantly irritable towards my girlfriend and I wasted a stupid amount of money buying food instead of cooking. I also skipped an entire month of brazilian jiu-jitsu practices which I had started this summer and have found to be a soul-aligned habit (in an upcoming journal I will detail why this is so important as well as my journey with gaming throughout life). I skipped a bunch of my classes in my last year of undergraduate college and have let some of my grades slip. All of this is seriously directly linked to my inability to balance video games in my life and I need to just cut the cord and be done with them. I have had struggles before with getting past this addiction, but I am 100 percent committed this time and will not let myself slip again. I feel as though this journal will be a huge benefit to ensuring that I stay committed. Anyways, today I am fasting for about 16-18 hours to give myself a reset. I will probably do a full 24 hour fast this weekend for the same purpose. Generally, this also gives me a clear head and allows me to reduce some stress. I started doing my schoolwork again, following through with my obligations in school, and I did my dishes and laundry. I also have been reading The Power of Habit, a book I started back before I was playing WoW this semester which has given me much more insight into how to make this transition out of gaming go more smoothly and overall just work. I feel like I have started to come back to myself these last few days and it is really refreshing. I will continue to be posting my progress and probably will add some type of template to my journals consistent but I think this first week will be a lot of getting stuff out of my mind. For anyone who reads this thank you for inquiring, I appreciate any bit of help. I am really grateful to have found Game Quitters again and to have a community of support for this time in my life.
  10. I'm no stranger to raging and breaking gaming equipment (monitor), it sounds like if you want to start working out that should really help with getting that anger out. I wrestled all my life and decided not to when I got to college, it took 5 years but I found Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and its perfect to keep my temper in check as well as getting a great workout. I don't watch anime too much but I love Avatar the Last Airbender still to this day (not sure if its an "anime" anime haha) but maybe you would enjoy martial arts, anything from muay thai to karate. Just a suggestion! Hope your break from video games goes well!
  11. Hello all, My name is Bryan and I've been trying to quit video games for about 4 years now. I tried to use Game Quitters back in 2017 but my mindset was so skewed that I only made it about 65 days into the 90 day gaming detox before relapsing and repeating my seemingly endless cycle of trying to quit. For this post, I'd like to keep it short so essentially my reasons for quitting video games is because they are my crutch. When video games are in my life, especially the big ones (League of Legends and World of Warcraft), everything else is secondary. To be honest, I have made a lot of progress with my life in a large number of aspects, however my growth only happens in the times when I am refusing to game. In these spans of time, I have put myself in a much better position to lead a healthy and wholesome life, yet I still consistently revert back to gaming and then all my progress is "frozen" and I fall down a well of depression and despair. My aim with quitting video games is to change my habit and to put all this energy I have towards goals and interests that I have been cultivating for the last 4-5 years. I don't really have the introverted replacement hobbies that I need to change this habit, and my main goal right now is to stay motivated to find a few that stick. I don't have any interest in gaming in any form anymore and I will do whatever I need to succeed with this change. I hope that I can stay connected here in this community to receive the help and support I need as well as reciprocating that to anyone else in need. Here's to the next 90 days...and the rest of my life game-free.
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