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rivers

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About rivers

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  1. I'm a little over a month without games now. Honestly I don't even miss them that much. I have become much more focused on achieving my goals. I'm not really watching movies anymore either. I did have a relapse into drugs and porn for a few days but I feel that I learned from it. One thing I am realizing is that I am the most important person in my life. It seems silly to write it, like it should be obvious, but I think that for a long time I was way too nice to others when I should have been nicer to myself. I do sort of have one old friend- used to be my best friend back in the day. Sometimes he texts me and wants me to come over for dinner but he has a wife and kid now and is just not the same person I once enjoyed being with. I decided to stop wasting my time going over there when it's not something I really want to do. I am trying to live my life like it is near the end- attempting to get the most out of my time and accomplish as much as I can.
  2. I like this. I already kind of do this... it has been more of a fantasy but now that I'm starting to make steps to turn my life around, perhaps it might actually happen. So, I definitely want to live in a house somewhere out in the country- I'm thinking Northern California. I know it's a lot to wish for but might as well dream big right? I wake up in the morning with some beautiful girl. I don't really care about marriage and I'm not interested in having children, but it would be nice to have a girlfriend. We go for a walk in the woods or by the beach, perhaps go fishing, then come home and cook some delicious food with fresh ingredients from the garden. I spend most of the day painting and playing music (my dream job) in my home studio. In the evening as the sun sets (I always like to see the sunset) we go sailing or ride horses. Ah yes, sounds pretty wonderful.
  3. The first thing that comes to mind is my own body. I do have some health issues but I am still grateful for what I have and am working to become healthier. I am grateful for where I live. Sometimes when I get really stressed out by my job or living situation I have to remember this. At least I have food and a roof over my head. I am very grateful to all the artists and musicians which I adore. Art and music has saved me so many times and continues to help me to grow and be a better person.
  4. Thanks for the comment James. I actually haven't had much trouble with Youtube (except for sometimes- read next paragraph) since I quit games because pretty much all I watched on there was gaming stuff. I still watch music videos but I don't feel bad about that. What gets me is binge watching tv shows... I recently got good internet which is a blessing and a curse. It can be hard to tell myself I am only going to watch one or two episodes and actually follow through but I am working on it. I decided for sure that I am going to try the no-fap thing for 90 days and see what happens. Whenever I masturbate I always get the urge afterwords to read random articles or watch videos...I think it's because it causes me to crave social interaction. Also I can see how it might decrease motivation. Anyway that's it for today. Gotta wake up early for work tomorrow.
  5. It has been 2 weeks since I quit video games, and while I have been more productive, I still have some more bad habits to break. I have been drawing/painting more which is good, but I have also been watching too many movies in place of playing games. I don't even like movies as much as games so it doesn't really make sense for me to be doing this. I quit games so that I could accomplish more, not just sit around and watch movies. I am setting a limit for myself of watching only one movie on days that i have off and no movies on work days. I am allowing myself to watch one episode of a show per day while I eat dinner but no more after that. I can't just put my computer in my closet like I did with my games so it's a lot easier to fall off the wagon with watching movies, but I am going to do my best. Also I decided to quit drinking coffee. I have about half a bag left of it in the pantry and I am weaning myself off of it. Once it's gone, I'm done with caffeine. Another thing- porn... I haven't completely decided on this one yet... I haven't been masturbating nearly as much as I usually do lately... but I feel like it should stop completely. It leaves me feeling empty inside afterwords, plus it is another time waster. I am tired of working dead end jobs and living at my mom's house and I am willing to do anything and everything it takes to get out of this situation and make a better life for myself. I have already made a lot of sacrifices but I still have a long road ahead of me. Anyway, one day at a time of course. Thanks to anyone for reading.
  6. Welcome John. I feel a lot of similarities in my story and yours. Sending you and everyone else on this site thoughts of strength to get through this.
  7. Hello everyone. I recently decided to quit playing video games. Although I still enjoy them very much a lot of the time, I am unhappy with where I am in life and I want to do everything I can to change that. I am a 31 year old male. I live at my mom's house and work at Walmart as a cart pusher. I have no girlfriend or even anyone else that I enjoy spending time with. I have no one to talk to about this but I think it might help to get support so that is why I'm here. I smoked weed on and off (mostly on) since I was 16, but I quit that 4 months ago and I am starting to get some motivation back. When I was 18 I decided I wanted to be an artist and there have been times of my life when I have worked very hard at it. I have never made money from it so I have always had to have some kind of job. I went to college for 3 years before I realized that no matter how much money I was going to make being whatever was in demand, it would be a compromise to do so, and I couldn't go through with it so I dropped out. That was about 5 years ago. Since then I have been going from job to job until I get so tired of one I quit and find something different, but I am pretty much at the end of the line with that. I am very grateful to have an income so that I am not living on the streets but I know I can't work at Walmart forever. It physically and emotionally drains me every day I am there which is one of the biggest reasons I am deciding to make this change in my life to stop playing video games. I want to focus as much attention as possible on being productive with my art. I have a lot of great ideas and I am tired of them being on the back burner. Often times I use the excuse that I am too tired from work to make art so I just play games instead, but know that it's just an excuse and if I am really that tired I should just go to sleep. I have no way of knowing whether I will ever be able to make financially as an artist, but I decided that I am going to try as hard as I can to do so because it is what I am passionate about. There are some other things I can imagine myself doing. I am interested in science, especially biology, but ultimately art is my favorite thing. I have never been to a doctor but my life has been saved by art on multiple occasions. I very much enjoy games. I have been playing them since I was 5 years old and a lot of my favorite memories are of playing games. At the same time though, I do regret spending so much time on them. I would like it if I could just play every now and then, but I have a very addictive personality that won't let my stop something until it's finished, and after I finish one there is usually already another one that I have in mind. This quality is actually useful if I am doing something productive, but when playing games it is obviously a problem. I decided that this year I would use games to get me through this time of adjustment of no longer smoking weed. However, I am starting to feel normal again and I don't want to waste the whole year. I used to feel like I was unable to create without getting high but I have been drawing and painting sober and I am starting to break away from that association. I recently bought a camera so that I can start making prints of my art to hopefully sell so I have no excuse now not to create. Tonight I put all of my games into boxes and put them in the closet even though I am halfway through about a dozen different games lol. I just decided enough is enough. I haven't decided if I am going to sell them all yet. I do want to try the 90 day detox and see how I feel about it after that. Anyway that's it for now. I will probably report back later. Thanks for reading. Peace- Rivers
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