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Ending the Loop


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No Games: 56. Overall, my self-control keeps improving on a weekly basis. Don't really feel urges that much anymore, and when I do it is rather to watch gameplay than to actually play.

The last few days have been rather busy and a bit depressing. Lots of shitty things happening around the world that get overwhelming fairly quickly, and just stressful time of the year in general. Fortunately, it will be soon over, and I still have a lot of things to look forward to every day. 

Hope you all are doing well; keep reminding yourself why you want to quit, and try to come up with more reasons every time! You got this!

Po

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Hi! I am a 20yo(he/him) college student studying English, Art and Music. When I was introduced to my 1st video game- Tanki Online(haha yes very lame)- I was so overwhelmed with it I would play up to 6

ALRIGHT LET"S DO IT TODAYYYYY Yesterday I was quite lazy- I got things done but the quality was meh. Finally caught up with my to-do list though, so today I can start fresh yeeeahhh!!  Showe

No Games: 37. Having urges, but I know I am too busy and can't let it slip. I do want to just sit down and relax for 20-30 minutes, but can not allow that to happen right now. After all, spending some

No Games: 58! So close to sixty u_u --Although, it's honestly easy at this point. Haven't visited a gaming forum all day today 🙂

Overall not that busy, kind of lazy even. I think I'm getting a little bit worn out; hope to be able to push it through the finals (this term is looking not as great as the previous, I really gotta step it up to keep my GPA high)

Other than that, I'm fairly happy. Watching Death Note is interesting, doing drawing and school work is mostly exciting. Have been exercising a bit less, but I'll get on top of it again right now 🙂

Have a good one everyone, remember where you started and how far you've gone!

Po

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No Games: 60! Yay yay.

Funny enough, currently hanging out at an online Video Game Sound Design event. Really don't feel the urge to play right now, but do have an urge to make music for video games. I guess it's time to reflect a bit on what video games have meant and mean to me now...

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Why did I start playing?

 As a child, I was really isolated socially- lacked friends and didn't spend much time with family (for many various reasons, most of which I was too young to have control over). Discovering video games, I think I was attempting to compensate for that social isolation- multiplayer games would draw me in specifically. There was also not much that was more rewarding for me in life than video games just due to my environment. 

Why did I keep playing?

 Circumstances have led me into an endless loop- I felt socially isolated, and so desired to get that social interaction (and other things you cannot get when being lonely) via video games and porn. This would only lead to more social isolation in the long run- and so I would play even more games. There were moments when I would be doing better- when I would be doing well socially; those were rare moments, and I did not understand that if I were to try a bit harder in that direction, I would be able to quit video games and be much happier. Eventually, this loop lead to the creation of other loops, such as normalizing a sequence of "good" and "bad" days- I would allow myself to game for multiple hours every time something good in real life happened. Oh well, look where I'm at now 🙂 

Why was I unable to quit?

I would have valid reasons for quitting- that instead of hanging out with friends or doing things I enjoy I am sending my time into something that will never give me value (and neither will it ever be unavailable to me, unlike making friends or getting hw done on time). However, instead of trying to find more passion and ways of improvement towards things I loved, I simply tried to quit. And it would never work out- for about 2 years I was actively trying to play less or not play at all, but it was like trying to open a bank account while having no money- I was simply tackling things in incorrect order. Had I focused on improving my life first and then quitting, I would be more likely to be successful. Eventually, that did happen- I went to college, and my life got better- I found a partner I've been together for over a year, made some meaningful friendships and overall began to value real life more. And now, I am able to stay away from games- porn is still a WIP tho, I really hate it 😠 

How do I feel now?

I think it would be unfair to say that games were always bad for me- some games helped me gain unique perspectives, develop my passions, and improve problem-solving. I still use video games as a source of inspiration and joy from time to time, without actually playing. I think some videogames are designed with malicious intent- to get the player addicted, to lure them into a loop of some sort. However, other games have no intention but to provide a good time, and educate the player about a thing or two that can be applied to real life- those used to be my favorite games.

And lastly, there is a very small amount of games that focuses on giving the player as much or more than real life value/education as being fun- those are the games I still am keeping in my life in one way or another. They're a positive addition to my everyday life, and I never have urges to play them, because I've learned from them that real world is more important than what they have to offer. Such games are rare for they are self-destructive in a way, and certainly not mainstream- they encourage the player to play less rather than play more. But, they will always have a special place in my heart 😆

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Alright, that was a long reflection. Big thank you and congratulations if you have managed to read it all, and I hope that you have something to take away from it.

Today has been really fun, I've been more busy and more productive, and that is quite enjoyable. Lots of fun things to do tomorrow, excite excite 🙂

Have a great weekend,

Po

Edited by Pochatok
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