hemonkey 45 Posted January 20 Author Share Posted January 20 Day 55! today can be divided by 11 and 5. ~61% through, I have a D- on my detox so far. Just watched the inauguration and wish the new presidential cabinet good luck. Doing great so far. Haven't watched a single gaming video for a month. Not very productive, bad time management. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
hemonkey 45 Posted January 21 Author Share Posted January 21 Day 56. Doing great so far. I completed all my school assignments but that one group mate pissed me off. Last night we were working on a project and she told me she cannot do the project because she did not listen in class and has other homework to do. Welp, I will hope for the best of my project then. Hope it gets an A. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
hemonkey 45 Posted January 24 Author Share Posted January 24 Day 58. I can't take it anymore. I have too many urges. AHHH. So many cravings. Too many cravings. I can't take it any longer. Day 58 is a great achievement but I am on the verge of collapse. I feel like a mountain balanced on an invincible chopstick, ready to topple over any second now. A lot of difficulties these days. One reason might be that my classmates and friends are acting like temptations to me right now. I just want to play for 20 minutes, but no. That would end my journey but start my suffering. I just can't help it, I need help. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BooksandTrees 3503 Posted January 24 Share Posted January 24 Stay strong. Urges go away like a wave in the ocean. Handle one at a time because not every day is stormy with waves. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
hemonkey 45 Posted January 24 Author Share Posted January 24 Day 59. You probably read yesterdays journal entry. I was on the edge of no return, the moment when I will relapse and 60 days will go down the drain. It was a dark and rainy night. Shadows crept toward my computer as I remained quietly on my chair. The cold atmosphere chilled my spine as my frosty hand stroked the top of my mouse. The cursor starts to move. I can feel the temptation, the anxiety that has troubled me for 50 full days. The steady ambience of raindrops struck the ground outside. It was cool and peaceful outside but something sinister was stirring in the depths, behind the windows. I clicked on my installer, the installer that I never removed. It felt like it was beckoning me to cordially welcome it in to my fragile mind. Minutes passed as the game installed itself. I could hear my heart beating. Thump. Thump. Thump. This was a mistake, I knew this was going to happen but it was preventable. If I had used my intelligence to judge my choices, I would have prohibited my foolish actions. Uncontrollable dopamine surged through my body as the game flashed on my face. It was addictive, and deadly. I had to do something. Minutes turned into an hour as I sat there, possessed by my own subconscious. "I need to stop this chaos," I thought to myself. My mouse clicked the red "X" on the top of my running application. The game was over, but this was just the beginning of something more dreadful. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Pochatok 187 Posted January 24 Share Posted January 24 41 minutes ago, hemonkey said: Day 59. You probably read yesterdays journal entry. I was on the edge of no return, the moment when I will relapse and 60 days will go down the drain. It was a dark and rainy night. Shadows crept toward my computer as I remained quietly on my chair. The cold atmosphere chilled my spine as my frosty hand stroked the top of my mouse. The cursor starts to move. I can feel the temptation, the anxiety that has troubled me for 50 full days. The steady ambience of raindrops struck the ground outside. It was cool and peaceful outside but something sinister was stirring in the depths, behind the windows. I clicked on my installer, the installer that I never removed. It felt like it was beckoning me to cordially welcome it in to my fragile mind. Minutes passed as the game installed itself. I could hear my heart beating. Thump. Thump. Thump. This was a mistake, I knew this was going to happen but it was preventable. If I had used my intelligence to judge my choices, I would have prohibited my foolish actions. Uncontrollable dopamine surged through my body as the game flashed on my face. It was addictive, and deadly. I had to do something. Minutes turned into an hour as I sat there, possessed by my own subconscious. "I need to stop this chaos," I thought to myself. My mouse clicked the red "X" on the top of my running application. The game was over, but this was just the beginning of something more dreadful. I'm sorry to hear that you have relapsed! It's okay though, don't be so hard on yourself. Keep learning about how to deal with situations like this better, and don't stop trying! Your journey doesn't end here, you are just taking a much-needed break so you can keep walking much, much further 🙂 Btw, this was amazingly written. I tutor in writing, and this was very pleasing to my eyes! Hope tomorrow will be a better day! Po 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
hemonkey 45 Posted January 26 Author Share Posted January 26 Day... 61! A memorable day for it marks my 2 month journey into my detox. Sleep deprived today, I think because of a growth spurt but that's alright. I flunked my test because I didn't drink coffee before to combat my sleep deprivation. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
hemonkey 45 Posted January 27 Author Share Posted January 27 Day 62. I have decided, my gamer friend is an asshole and I am leaving him for good. He is only cares about his game and has no empathy. Bad influence on me, I am leaving him for now. One thing I did today was continue my film and start constructing a cardboard house. The trigonometry is bugging me though, I just figured out my calculation for the roof was a little off and now I have to redo the whole roof. 😞 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
hemonkey 45 Posted January 28 Author Share Posted January 28 Day 63 About 5 days ago my detox score reset due to me playing for an hour of Minecraft. Days without games: 5. My stocks are growing but some bad luck these days. All of my stocks except for NIO and MRNA have negative returns. One of them is 1000 dollars lower than my initial price. Hope some good luck comes! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
hemonkey 45 Posted February 2 Author Share Posted February 2 Day 68 Hey guys... I relapsed. That's why I am back on day 10 of my record. This was painful for me but I got to move on. Some achievements: made clothing for my monkey toy, reading(tried to read and somehow did it). Quote Link to post Share on other sites
hemonkey 45 Posted February 5 Author Share Posted February 5 Day 71 No games in a row: 13 No game streaming: a month or so now I took drawing classes yesterday. Learned about shading and drawing still life. Still not very familiar with the new techniques I am learning because I used to draw with less shading. Also I practiced piano because I am preparing for a piano exam in April. I am trying to manage my time now but it is still challenging. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
hemonkey 45 Posted February 8 Author Share Posted February 8 Day 74 No games score: 16 I don't even keep track of my detox because time flies by so fast and I rarely care about gaming anymore. I have a test this week so I hope I can sleep well unlike last time. Even if I don't sleep well I hope I can remember to drink coffee. Before tests I don't really study but I don't get bad scores(bad scores are below 95). I also plan to take my classes outside to protect my eyes. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
hemonkey 45 Posted February 10 Author Share Posted February 10 Day 75, No games:17 I never blocked my gamer friend after last time he threatened to kill me. He decided to message me again and I found out he is jealous of my intelligence. I think it is because I keep sharing my stories about life and maybe somehow I have offended him. I decided to distance myself from this madman and abandon this angry teen for good. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
hemonkey 45 Posted February 12 Author Share Posted February 12 Day 78. Relapsed a little so starting over! No games: 1 Hey everyone! I have been a very busy bee the past few days working on time management and studying for my math test(mostly studying how to sleep well before the test). I got a 99% on the test which I do not know how(there are only 25 questions). I drank half coffee and half milk for breakfast helping me stay alert and the past night took melatonin and did an exercise. I also took about an hour or so each day to practice piano for the exam coming in April. I took still life drawing classes yesterday to improve my technique. Overall, this has been a busy week and I will plan more exciting tasks in the future! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
hemonkey 45 Posted February 14 Author Share Posted February 14 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I relapsed. I was celebrating Chinese New Year when I decided to take a break off my detox. I played for 2 hours today and felt bad. My wrist and hand hurt. I quickly deleted my game but I think this might just be the beginning of a more bigger relapse. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Jason70 114 Posted February 18 Share Posted February 18 On 2/13/2021 at 7:30 PM, hemonkey said: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I relapsed. I was celebrating Chinese New Year when I decided to take a break off my detox. I played for 2 hours today and felt bad. My wrist and hand hurt. I quickly deleted my game but I think this might just be the beginning of a more bigger relapse. Hey Hemonkey I'm sorry to hear that you relapsed, but I want you to know that while relapsing sucks, to never give up, you will get there. It's as I say, take it one day at a time. Haven't read through all your journal yet but if you have defined your 'why' on playing and quitting games, re write them, not only to have a refresher on why you've come to this community and if you ever feel like you're about to relapse its good to look at to remind you why you started. I wish you luck man, remember relapsing is okay, its part of the process, don't be too hard on yourself. And very good luck to you Best Jason 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
hemonkey 45 Posted February 18 Author Share Posted February 18 Day 84 No games streak: 4 days 🙂 Relapse has been pretty devastating for me right now and I'm also trying my best to control my temper on a lot of daily issues. Today my computer was not acting cool and got kicked out of zoom class every few minutes. I was so angry and almost broke my keyboard but I took some deep breaths to channel it out. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
hemonkey 45 Posted February 23 Author Share Posted February 23 Day 89 No games: 9 days I have been playing with fire literally and cooking with a soda can. It was fun because my furnace made out of a soda can cooked my walnuts thoroughly and luckily the soda can didn't melt. The food however I tasted was not good, it was covered with black and disgusting cracks. I also worked on time management and is doing pretty well so far. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
hemonkey 45 Posted 15 hours ago Author Share Posted 15 hours ago Day 95 No games: I don't know for sure because I think I relapsed Big news: My birthday is coming and I'm turning 13. I will use social media now but is somewhat concerned about social media addiction. I did not write here because of many things: working on time management, piano, and detox relapse. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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