hemonkey

I could not write these past couple of days because I was very sick. It started with a sore throat but I ignored it thinking it was just a common cold(it was actually just a common cold) and I went to swim practice just to avoid boredom. It was about Thursday night that I came back from practice and a fever descended upon me. I was fatigued by the amount of exercising combined with my constant headache and I felt chills running down my spine literally. I later got a fever of 102 degrees and took some tylenol to reduce body temperature so I could at least sleep a few hours in the night. The following day I went to test for COVID and luckily I was negative. I was so relieved by this news but I need to be more careful around people now since everything is reopening.

This has been 2 days since I have last written. My goal for this week will be a small goal: go to sleep before 9:30pm so I can get up early the next day to exercise and get a kick start for the day. I hope I can accomplish this goal because time is running out for me and I don't want to end up like a loser.

I'm quitting again because I feel like I shouldn't be wasting my time during summer vacation. People don't live forever and I don't want to regret my life on my deathbed thinking I wasted everything. This time I want to try to convince my friends into meeting in person more like we used to before the pandemic rather than talking through discord and gaming mindlessly. I hope this will be the last time I fall into a terrible relapse again.

I heard my dad say that when he was addicted to gaming and wanted to stop, he just quit cold turkey without any difficulty. I haven't been able to do that with myself maybe because of a different world today with more technology dependent individuals or my own problems but has anyone else ever successfully quit cold turkey without difficulty and not have any relapses ever since? I need help because I keep relapsing detox after detox.

I'm back! There were several reasons I was offline for 2 months. One being that I was busy the last 2 months with vaccinations and transitioning my quarantine schedule back into the pre-pandemic non-social distancing daily tasks. I went back to my swim team and attended school in person. I also got my 2 doses of pfizer vaccine which the second one gave me fever 😞

this is sad... I have relapsed everyday for the past week. This has been my most horrendous week ever since quitting for good. I hope life gets better for me somehow in the future but for today what I did is: waste time clean the floors wasting more time regretting my mistakes(worst thing you could ever do in life) finally realizing why I am a loser today and started on some productive things I wish I knew this younger before in elementary school but it is what it is, I was too young to understand back then.

Oh flip! It has been a week since I last posted ever! 😮 Well, this is what I've been working on: Piano Exam, online one where you record yourself playing and upload and P.S. I didn't cheat 🙂 Use of calendar app, an app on iphone that I recommend highly instead of a to-do list. Most people give up on their to-do list everyday. Video with Adobe Premiere Pro, Expensive video editing software more powerful than iMovie which I used to use.

Already easter today! I have finished all of my tasks ahead of time like piano exam and numerous assignments. Now I get to have some fun going outside to the park and working on my lego films! I have not even touched lego filming ever since last month due to a combination of school and preparing for my piano exam. Now I feel more relaxed and easy with time. Today I want to share something I learned. It's always important to stay busy with hobbies even if you are done with everything. This can be derived from Calhoun's mice utopia. The mice who get free food and free bedding stop reproducing and started killing each other. After 2 years the mice population was on the verge of extinction. So conclusion is? if you don't have meaning in your life, create meaning. This is your life, spend it wisely.

Hey everyone I missed april fools but here is something I am doing to make up for it: https://scratch.mit.edu/projects/510828567/

Hey guys it's been almost 2 weeks since I last posted here. I just wanted to say I am doing well, aside from a minor relapse. My gamer friends has been wasting their time as usual so I try my best to persuade them to exercise at the park with me. One thing I am passionate about is using a calendar instead of a to-do list. I watched a motivational talk about time management and decided I'm quitting the to-do list. This has been day 1 of calendar management and I have been very productive.

Hello, hello, hello! It's day 109! I finally decided to start my meaningful quarantine plan: time management and self management. School is going back to in-person in my area so I plan on making new friends. There won't be much students on campus due to covidphobia so I am going to make the most out of it. Although I will be cautious and stay 6-feet away, I am planning to meet my classmates and hopefully make some new friends that like to exercise. Adding to my previous paragraph, I cut off the "dangerous chat methods" off. I won't be texting/discord voice calling them now much. I hope in this brief moment of friendship transition I won't relapse into depressive gaming or anything of the sort. And I guess that is all for today as I am busy these days. hemonkey

So today I want to ask about how to develop communication skills effectively. I always find myself either offending others or summoning a moment of silence after conversing for a long time. These happen between my friends and classmates regularly. I also find others making similar mistakes like me. If you have any suggestions for better talk/chats please leave them here for me. Thanks!

Day 103 No gaming: ~2 or maybe 3 I am planning several meetings at the park with my friends to encourage them to go outside although only my neighbor several streets away came. Most of my friends are gamers, most of my classmates are gamers. Something I learned this week is that being jealous is because you didn't use your gifts God gave you. Today's wisdom is about luck. Genetics are made to adapt to one's surroundings. A blind man in a dark cave doesn't need eyes because there is nothing to see but when the blind man goes to the bright city, he is at a disadvantage, but that does not mean other people with sight is superior. It only means he is not suited for this environment. So conclusion? Your idol is not superior than you, you just wasted your talents and pursued the wrong career. That's all for today's wisdom. hemonkey

Day 99 No games: 1 Relapsed again, will learn from it. Some food for thought: I learned that 2/3 of our lives are spent sleeping and wasting time. For example doing homework without a strict deadline will result in wasted time. Before setting up my priority list, I spend 1 hour on homework when I can finish it in ten minutes. So conclusion? God gave us a lot of time. We think our lives are short because we wasted most of it. Hope you all are doing well, hemonkey

YouTube always troubled me too. One tactic I developed was a priority list. Although I collapsed due to me overdosing on dopamine over my birthday excitement, I'm listing my priorities again today on my phone.

Day 98 Alright so yesterday was great. I had my mom's homemade cheesecake and enjoyed this birthday celebration even though in quarantine. I zoomed my friend and relapsed so back to day 1.

Day 97 Today's my birthday!!!!! LETS GO!!! Not going to write anything much here today because I'm taking a break.

Day 96 I know I am too old for this but... IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW! not gonna do anything though but just eating in my house with a few family members due to COVID. Yesterday I finally made a time list so I can show that I matured after one year.

Day 95 No games: I don't know for sure because I think I relapsed Big news: My birthday is coming and I'm turning 13. I will use social media now but is somewhat concerned about social media addiction. I did not write here because of many things: working on time management, piano, and detox relapse.

Day 89 No games: 9 days I have been playing with fire literally and cooking with a soda can. It was fun because my furnace made out of a soda can cooked my walnuts thoroughly and luckily the soda can didn't melt. The food however I tasted was not good, it was covered with black and disgusting cracks. I also worked on time management and is doing pretty well so far.

Day 84 No games streak: 4 days 🙂 Relapse has been pretty devastating for me right now and I'm also trying my best to control my temper on a lot of daily issues. Today my computer was not acting cool and got kicked out of zoom class every few minutes. I was so angry and almost broke my keyboard but I took some deep breaths to channel it out.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I relapsed. I was celebrating Chinese New Year when I decided to take a break off my detox. I played for 2 hours today and felt bad. My wrist and hand hurt. I quickly deleted my game but I think this might just be the beginning of a more bigger relapse.

Day 78. Relapsed a little so starting over! No games: 1 Hey everyone! I have been a very busy bee the past few days working on time management and studying for my math test(mostly studying how to sleep well before the test). I got a 99% on the test which I do not know how(there are only 25 questions). I drank half coffee and half milk for breakfast helping me stay alert and the past night took melatonin and did an exercise. I also took about an hour or so each day to practice piano for the exam coming in April. I took still life drawing classes yesterday to improve my technique. Overall, this has been a busy week and I will plan more exciting tasks in the future!

Day 75, No games:17 I never blocked my gamer friend after last time he threatened to kill me. He decided to message me again and I found out he is jealous of my intelligence. I think it is because I keep sharing my stories about life and maybe somehow I have offended him. I decided to distance myself from this madman and abandon this angry teen for good.

Day 74 No games score: 16 I don't even keep track of my detox because time flies by so fast and I rarely care about gaming anymore. I have a test this week so I hope I can sleep well unlike last time. Even if I don't sleep well I hope I can remember to drink coffee. Before tests I don't really study but I don't get bad scores(bad scores are below 95). I also plan to take my classes outside to protect my eyes.