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ceponatia

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DAY ONE

Pretty motivated, as I'm sure everybody is on day one. I got through 4 videos in module 1 at work this morning even though I couldn't technically delete my video games while I was at work. I uninstalled everything when I got home and cancelled any subscriptions I had. I'm not going to go hardcore today... don't want to burn myself out. Just going to relax with a movie after studying and cleaning my room (which is kinda messy from all the neglect brought on by gaming). A positive side effect to this is I won't be drinking any soda in the evening because I really only craved that when gaming. Might lose a little bit of weight! I already lost a lot when I gave up alcohol but there's still some hanging on for dear life. Looking forward to tomorrow when I'll pick some new hobbies. Already have some in mind...

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DAY THREE

Missed a day, but it was a good day. Worked my butt off at the office and then still had the energy to study and prep lunches for the week when I got home. That took up most of my evening as I've been trying to go to bed earlier in order to have more energy. Not working that great so far but I'll keep it up. Today was pretty good as well... didn't go to work as I had TWO dental appointments and then I just sort of cleaned up a bit at home. It's only 6pm now so I'll probably read a bit before messing around with some music software and then heading to bed. I did think about gaming today which I expected would eventually come up, but I've managed to hold it off.

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Day Four

Yesterday was great! Work went by super fast and afterward I studied and spent some time with the family. Today I am meeting up with some friends I haven't seen in a decade which makes me nervous of course but the fact that we used to be best friends helps. It's snowing big time here so most of my morning is being spent on that and trying to buy a snow blower. I'll finish up the afternoon with some Machine practice and light reading. 

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Day Five & Six

had my first relapse, which I expected to happen eventually. I'm no stranger to quitting an addiction and it's kind of just part of the process. Learned from it though... I can't put off my ADHD medication or I lose all of my energy and don't want to do anything productive. To be honest I didn't even want to game, I just wanted to do other things even less. Back at it now. Studying tonight and throwing myself back into music. No harm done. 

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Day Seven

Feeling better today. Back "on the wagon" so to speak! Waking up this morning, gaming wasn't even remotely interesting to me so I'm jumping back into A+ cert studying and school. My school weeks go from Tues - Mon so my next assignment will start tomorrow. Finished my exam today (aced it but that's not difficult at all at UoP). Not really sure what to do hobby-wise today so I'm cleaning up and getting everything ready for the work week. Had today off for MLK day.

I've been spending a bit of time on the stopgaming subreddit too. Lots of the same question being asked over and over by people who will never be back. Very similar experience to when I used to go to the alcoholism subreddit. People only want to quit when they're feeling down; once they go to bed and wake up fresh they're right back into it. It takes a conscious effort and planning to actually quit. So, those subs are pretty frustrating. There was even one guy whose life was such a mess I almost wanted to say that quitting games should be at the very end of his list. But I try to not give people life advice these days. Not only is it none of my business, they're also not going to listen so it's a waste of effort.

Still happy with the fact that I actually went out with REAL LIVE FRIENDS on Saturday. I hope that can happen more frequently. It's difficult at my age because everybody is married and has families that they need to do things with most of the time. People don't go out for a day and try something new like they did when we were younger. Now it's just meeting for drinks at a bar for an hour or two which I obviously can't do. Ah well, that's just negative thinking getting the better of me. It'll be alright. 

 

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Day Ten

Settling into a bit of a routine now. I was going to wake up earlier today to go to the gym but I'm just too tired when it's cold out. I could go to bed at 6pm and wake up at 5am and still feel tired. It's nuts. Not much else to report. Kind of a boring week.

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Day Eleven

It's actually become pretty easy to avoid gaming lately. I wouldn't lie and say that I've replaced it with tons of productive hobbies, I've just been too tired and busy to even think about gaming after work. This weekend I'll make more of an effort of working in some of my other goals like studying piano and getting back to the gym. I've also been eating pretty poorly this week which has both cost a lot of money and probably contributed to how tired I feel.

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Hey man, it's a bit late but just wanted to say Kudos for being clean for a week! 🙂 It's important to give yourself a pat on the back for every milestone, no matter how small. Soon it'll be two weeks! Keep it up. 🙂 

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Hey @Ikar, still doing better than usual. I usually game on Saturdays still... but it's been less and less every week. Usually after a couple hours I'll just be like "wait what am I doing?" and stop, lol.

I've been mainly posting on the stopgaming subreddit although I still try to check here once in a while. I have my own blog that I journal on too so it's hard to remember to update this one.

So... JOURNAL UPDATE... lol... Day ???

Had the best week I've had in years! Didn't game at all til Saturday, dove back into music pretty deep... joined a few groups for producers to try to learn from them but, sadly, nothing's really changed in those type of communities... it's all just teenagers posting links to their soundcloud page over and over. Not much actual discussion about technique or anything. Oh well. Hitting up YouTube for music tutorials, trying to learn theory finally. Reading a few good books... Ayoade on Ayoade by Richard Ayoade (british comedian / actor) and Perfect Sound Whatever by James Acaster (another british comedian / actor). Discovered both of them on some Netflix shows I've been watching. I've watched just about everything American so I've started watching UK comedies haha.

So yeah, not game free yet but doing a whole heck of a lot better than I was 4 weeks ago. Feeling pretty great. Oh yeah, I also went to the gym 4 times last week.

I should also mention that drinking soda is DEFINITELY linked to gaming for me. I didn't drink any at all until Saturday when I started playing. Felt pretty good to just drink water. I was way more energized and awake than usual.

Edited by ceponatia

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02/03/2020

Sunday was a pretty good day for me and overall despite gaming for a bit Saturday I am really happy with how the weekend went. I got all of my university work done 2 days early and got a head start on the next week's assignments. Ate like crap though, I'm starting to put weight back on so I gotta be more mindful of that. I just haven't had the motivation to cook lately... the last thing I want to do after work is go shopping. I'm going to do it today, though. I wrote it so it has to happen, lol.

I'm also committing to using my planner all 7 days this week. I've been REALLY bad about it the last couple of weeks but when I DO use it, I get everything done. I think I subconsciously "forget" to use it so that I can be lazy.

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Weekdays are still easy for me. If I worked 7 days a week I'd never play a game again, lol. Had a really good night last night, productivity-wise. I sat down with my Maschine for a full hour and actually got some practice done. Here's a link to what I made if you're interested... it's NOT good by any stretch of the imagination. I was just practicing rhythm and some of the functions of the hardware, not focusing at all on what it sounded like... haha.

Other than that I ate some home cooked dinner and had enough left for lunch today so I won't be wasting money. Also today starts my first day of CAFFEINE DETOX. I got plenty of sleep and ate a decent breakfast so I think I'll be ok. I've also been weaning myself off for the last couple weeks so it shouldn't be as bad as other times I've tried quitting.

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Ouch. Got the first step of a crown at the dentist today. They wrap cord around your tooth and push it below your gums to open them up. Excruciating pain!

Today is day 2 of NO CAFFEINE which is actually pretty easy without gaming. Day 2 is worse than day 1 though. Pounding headache, very tired. Went on a "date" last night with a coworker that I get along with decently but I'm not really interested in romantically. I just crave social interaction lol. She's got 3 kids from different fathers, lives in abject poverty, and is an alcoholic. Not someone I'd ever want to date... but it passed the time. I think the feeling is mutual for her so no harm done.

Still no gaming. Not even really thinking about it right now. I know I will on the weekend. For right now I'm kind of okay with just playing on Saturday but I will still make an effort to quit completely... I'm just not beating myself up over it. My music hobby is taking up more and more of my time so hopefully that'll just fill in the gaming spots. I'm buying a Korg Volca Keys to play around with. Very cheap intro analogue synth that still sounds pretty good.

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Tooth feels better although I'm paranoid about breaking the temporary crown so I'm only eating soft food. The dentist told me as long as I don't eat sticky food like candy I'll be okay, but will I really? lol.

Day 3 of no caffeine and 5 days since the last time I played a game. Quitting caffeine is giving me some extra motivation to stay away from games because I know if I game I'll definitely drink soda / pop / fizzy drinks / what have you. The massive headache is gone and I don't feel as sleepy as I did the past 2 days. A lot of people who've quit caffeine said that they felt way more energetic but I haven't hit that point yet. I'm not dead tired but I'm not fully awake. Hydrated as f though... all I drink now is water.

Last night kinda sucked but I was on Motrin 800 and had a rough day so I'm not getting down about it. After work I just ordered some middle eastern takeout and watched a couple movies and went to bed. I was excited all morning to get home and write some music but I just didn't have the energy. I'm looking forward to getting some new instruments, I found several that are under $200. I'm thinking of building a whole analogue studio to make some tracks the old fashioned way instead of using my PC. That'd be an interesting development. But in the end, to make the kind of music I truly want to make, I will eventually have to incorporate a DAW PC.

Edited by ceponatia
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11 hours ago, ceponatia said:

Tooth feels better although I'm paranoid about breaking the temporary crown so I'm only eating soft food. The dentist told me as long as I don't eat sticky food like candy I'll be okay, but will I really? lol.

Day 3 of no caffeine and 5 days since the last time I played a game. Quitting caffeine is giving me some extra motivation to stay away from games because I know if I game I'll definitely drink soda / pop / fizzy drinks / what have you. The massive headache is gone and I don't feel as sleepy as I did the past 2 days. A lot of people who've quit caffeine said that they felt way more energetic but I haven't hit that point yet. I'm not dead tired but I'm not fully awake. Hydrated as f though... all I drink now is water.

Last night kinda sucked but I was on Motrin 800 and had a rough day so I'm not getting down about it. After work I just ordered some middle eastern takeout and watched a couple movies and went to bed. I was excited all morning to get home and write some music but I just didn't have the energy. I'm looking forward to getting some new instruments, I found several that are under $200. I'm thinking of building a whole analogue studio to make some tracks the old fashioned way instead of using my PC. That'd be an interesting development. But in the end, to make the kind of music I truly want to make, I will eventually have to incorporate a DAW PC.

I'm getting a crown and an implant this year and not looking forward to it. Dental stuff can be a pain for sure. I'm counting myself as lucky that I never got into coffee. My friends tried getting me to drink it a few years back and I just never enjoyed it. I felt like I was high and too focused. It was terrible. I heard the headaches from withdrawal are terrible though for the first week without coffee after drinking a lot.

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Man, rough weekend. Relapsed on caffeine HARD on Friday because I just felt too sick. I woke up Friday morning feeling like I had the worst flu of my life; it completely went away after one sip of coffee. I still want to quit but I think I'm going to have to taper off instead of going cold turkey. Hard to do when it's an addiction, though. Usually the first sip just makes me want more.

Full disclosure for the sake of honesty and accountability: Gamed a lot Saturday, more than last week. Had to scramble to get homework done 2 hours before the deadline (online classes so I have til Midnight the day they're due). Noticed about half way through my session that not only was I not having fun, I was actually very angry and frustrated. Not a new realization but it was new how quickly I noticed. Part of it was due to slamming diet coke the whole time and getting anxiety from that.

Also got back into online dating which I think is part of the reason I gamed so much... it destroys my self esteem so much that I feel like I need some kind of pick-me-up. I'm an average looking guy and have been told plenty of times that I'm "a catch" but online dating is just soul crushing. The beautiful women there get so much attention your message will likely never even be read so I just was getting messaged by complete savages all weekend. One woman asked me if I wanted to come over and bring her a case of beer. Yes that sounds like a great time, you land monster.

So I'm deleting those apps. I do have ONE prospect from Tinder (the worst app of the lot, coincidentally) but she already seems like she's ghosted me so I'll just wait til the end of the day and delete that one too.

I don't feel great right now, but I'm here.

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Well, it's the start of another workweek! I know I'll be game-free through Friday but I don't want to stop there. I had a bit of a lazy week last time and watched a lot of Netflix after work. Part of the issue is being so tired after work every day, so I'm going to try to take it a bit easier this week. I work unnecessarily hard because my self-worth comes from being the best at my job, even though nobody besides me cares. I work a union job, so it's not like I can even get a raise for being the best. I make as much money as the people who show up late every day and shop on Amazon their entire shifts. Love it.

Today's plan is to get in an hour with Maschine after work, practice piano for just a few minutes because I haven't paid for a subscription of Yousician yet, so I can only learn one song and I'm already pretty proficient at it. Then I'll clean my room and head to bed. Just the right amount of activities, I think.

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15 hours ago, ceponatia said:

Well, it's the start of another workweek! I know I'll be game-free through Friday but I don't want to stop there. I had a bit of a lazy week last time and watched a lot of Netflix after work. Part of the issue is being so tired after work every day, so I'm going to try to take it a bit easier this week. I work unnecessarily hard because my self-worth comes from being the best at my job, even though nobody besides me cares. I work a union job, so it's not like I can even get a raise for being the best. I make as much money as the people who show up late every day and shop on Amazon their entire shifts. Love it.

Absolutely gangster. It's true no one else cares, but if you're there at work might as well be good at it than not. Not a lot of people get that, sadly. Good for you, man.

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Yeah that's true, being proud of what you do is important.

Not much to report today... just checking in. It's my last week of class before I'm a college sophomore for the first time ever despite going to college 3 times prior to this. Lol. I'm definitely going to make it this time!

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9 hours ago, ceponatia said:

Yeah that's true, being proud of what you do is important.

Not much to report today... just checking in. It's my last week of class before I'm a college sophomore for the first time ever despite going to college 3 times prior to this. Lol. I'm definitely going to make it this time!

Dude despite going for uni for a very first ( maybe last) time, it literally exhausted me out, i hate it. Hope we both make it through this time!

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9 hours ago, ceponatia said:

Yeah that's true, being proud of what you do is important.

Not much to report today... just checking in. It's my last week of class before I'm a college sophomore for the first time ever despite going to college 3 times prior to this. Lol. I'm definitely going to make it this time!

I almost failed out twice. Third time I made almost a 4.0. This is your time. 

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Thanks guys, I definitely feel like this time is much different from the others (like I'm actually doing homework, lol). My final assignment for the week is to create a LinkedIn profile; I am pretty confident that I can handle that, haha.

Yesterday was an above average day: I set up a schedule for this weeks schoolwork and extra-curricular studying (A+ Certification and music). Tuesdays are like my Mondays just because that's how my uni schedule is. I've been talking to two women from online dating apps despite no longer using the apps... one from OkCupid and one from Tinder. Never had luck with Tinder in the past so this is interesting. The people there seem to be a bit more "adult" than from OkCupid and much less "Indian scammer" than Plenty of Fish. I also tried Hinge but it was a complete wash.

Hinge was appealing because you have to actually quote something from their profile in your opening message so I figured it'd spark conversation but:

  1. Most of their profiles were boring as fuck
  2. They just ignored my messages anyway.

One of the women I'm talking to is actually kind of my type. She got a little inquisitive about the fact that I live with my mother at 38 which I can't really say is unexpected. It's temporary and I lived on my own for 10 years prior to 2014 but nobody else has any reason to believe that. We moved on though and she seems to be okay with it for now, lol. The other woman is cute but not really my type. I might go on a date with her just to get some social practice. Is that bad? Lol. I don't think so. It's not like I'm using her for sex or promising I'm going to be her boyfriend or anything.

Anyway, another busy day today. Hope everyone has a good one!

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3 hours ago, ceponatia said:

Thanks guys, I definitely feel like this time is much different from the others (like I'm actually doing homework, lol). My final assignment for the week is to create a LinkedIn profile; I am pretty confident that I can handle that, haha.

Yesterday was an above average day: I set up a schedule for this weeks schoolwork and extra-curricular studying (A+ Certification and music). Tuesdays are like my Mondays just because that's how my uni schedule is. I've been talking to two women from online dating apps despite no longer using the apps... one from OkCupid and one from Tinder. Never had luck with Tinder in the past so this is interesting. The people there seem to be a bit more "adult" than from OkCupid and much less "Indian scammer" than Plenty of Fish. I also tried Hinge but it was a complete wash.

Hinge was appealing because you have to actually quote something from their profile in your opening message so I figured it'd spark conversation but:

  1. Most of their profiles were boring as fuck
  2. They just ignored my messages anyway.

One of the women I'm talking to is actually kind of my type. She got a little inquisitive about the fact that I live with my mother at 38 which I can't really say is unexpected. It's temporary and I lived on my own for 10 years prior to 2014 but nobody else has any reason to believe that. We moved on though and she seems to be okay with it for now, lol. The other woman is cute but not really my type. I might go on a date with her just to get some social practice. Is that bad? Lol. I don't think so. It's not like I'm using her for sex or promising I'm going to be her boyfriend or anything.

Anyway, another busy day today. Hope everyone has a good one!

Interesting experience you've got there lol. i've got my gf for 4 years and i think i f'got every sense that my brain use to flirt or maybe even just to talk with another girl other than mine.

It's not that i want to, but how do you talk to girls?...

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