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Lobares

Medical Student trying his best

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Hello,

I decided to open this journal, so I can log my daily work routine. I hope it somehow gives me more ‚pressure‘ to do my work. Right now I feel a bit bad in opening this journal although I should learn. But tbh I would just watch youtube, so there is no reason not to try this journal thing out!

Little introduction:

My gaming history goes pretty way back. World of Warcraft at young age, some Age of Empire too. Later I started with Runescape. Most addictive game was basically League of Legends. The time I started with League was in very intense time at school. Worked hard to get into medical school. Although I played much I got into it. Absolutely great feeling. I quitted LoL already for a long time now. I dont miss it, its a very good feeling to have quit it.

 

Whats the deal now? Well, I cant really work with internet on a ‚healthy‘ base. I can still just grind the whole day in front of it. I still watch very much on youtube etc. instead of doing what I am supposed to do -> feeling bad. I want to do the things I really want to do. My medical school. I want to do my learning. And after that I want to do several other things which are making me waaay more fun than watching youtube. But you all know... internet gives fast and easy dopamin. Other things more on a long time base.

 

However I am sure about what I really want to do with my life. Isnt that already something? I think yes and thats why I should be happy at least for that.(I need to be happy about more things in my life, which I always tend to say about ‚ah thats no achievement thats nothing special‘ I speak about simple thing like having a house, having food etc. but also huge goals which I fulfilled like getting into medical school.)

I know what I want to do. But next question: Can I do that? We all have goals, but not everyone can make it. Thats normal. So can I make medical school? I think yes. But I have to take myself as I am. Maybe I am not a work machine, but I can settle things so Its working anyway. I can study 1-2 years longer till I get my degree, which is fine for me. My huge goal is not to be extrem successful(like getting best grades), my goal is to do my working routine(= reduce meaningless things) Everything else is not in my hand. 

So I want to work now concentrated 2 hours. Ill write after it whether It worked out good.

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46 minutes ago, Lobares said:

Short but good learning session

I want to start early tomorrow so I dont have to learn into the night. Learning early is way better

I am not a doctor but people say sleeping thing is important ?

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Good session yesterday, but I am always thinking I am learning too slow -> wrong. But when I speak with my guys at university there doesnt seem to be a right way. Everyone just grinding whole day to somehow make it. Some guys lie and say they dont have to learn much, but at the same way they always say ‚wow its so stressful‘. Yea so its weird

I want to trust more into myself and just do my work and stop thinking whether there isnt a better way to study. But I am simply never sure, because maybe there is one...

 

Tomorrow university opens again and I am usually learning at the campus. So i feel today a bit like making a day free and tomorrow ill start the normal grind(I am very used to learning in a library etc. at home its always tough to concentrate)

 

 

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Struggling right now. Really I am not sure how to fix my problem with learning. Sometimes I cant learn properly due to some other important things. That would be no problem but sadly even when I am free I tend to be a bit lazy. Today I could just have gone to library to study, but I decide to stay at home and work there, because I wasnt in mood. This happens sometimes. At holidays when I dont have classes its different, because I am not that exhausted at weekends. I think everyone understands that.

 

So, how to fix that? I guess I need to get back to a proper morning routine which can even help to get out of bad mood. Like having a shower, eat a good breakfast etc. Any tips there? I tend to want to change everything at once, like eat healthier, more sport, more studying etc. but that doesnt work. Changes are slow but have to happen steadily.

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When I read my last post, its pretty much the same but a bit worse.

Exams are coming and I really have no clue what I have done all the last month. I am so slow when I start to llearn. Getting tired all the time, need very much time to understand things. Its like I am now 2 years in Med School but still didnt find a good working system on which I can rely on

However there is still the problem with keeping up the learning routine. Its so freaking exhausting to keep it up. These times are so tough, especially when I see how easy other peoples life is, without a stressful degree as their target. I cant even remember the times when I woke up without having kind of a pressure or struggle. 

Its still much youtube and other stuff in the internet. I guess those things, doesnt mattet how much I reduced them, forbid a reset of my dopaminsystem. Like it will always be tough if I cant get away from that, because my brain is so adapted to easy dopamin. I mean doing your work is such a good feeling but still this isnt a reason to start. Its dumb, but thats how the brain works. 

 

So my goals are now to keep my learning routine back up and especially BEING ACTIVE when I start to study, not like just read in the book without trying to memorize it. I need also to build up other hobbies again, although its tough to do that after a full learning day.

So I am gonna learn 6-7 hours now and Ill see

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1 hour ago, Lobares said:

especially when I see how easy other peoples life is, without a stressful degree as their target.

What makes you believe that? In my opinion, everyone struggles with procrastination today. Say thank you to technology, which is used as a means to fill some emptiness, loneliness or unfulfilled needs.

1 hour ago, Lobares said:

I guess those things, doesnt mattet how much I reduced them, forbid a reset of my dopaminsystem. Like it will always be tough if I cant get away from that, because my brain is so adapted to easy dopamin.

That is esoteric bro science. Sure, there is this idea of dopamin and that we get a kick of certain things. Absolutely, but whatever: Behaviorists put rats in cages in the last century and gave them two pots of water. One with clean water, the other one with drugs. The rats were all alone and had nothing else to do. Guess what, they became addicted and died quickly. No surprise. This experiement has been replicated many decades later, with a small difference: The rats were living in paradise. They had many companions, good food, things to play with. Guess what, they ignored the drug water, because they could play, interact with mates and have sex. What is the lesson? If you have other, MEANINGFUL things to do, which are interesting to you and fun, if you have a perspective and some aims in life than this stuff is not important anymore. I make this bald prediction: If all porn addicts would have the opportunity for regular sex with a beautiful mate, there would not be a porn addiction. 

If you would have so much other things on your plate, which you like and which fulfill you completely, you what not want to spend time, mindlessly browsing on youtube. For instance, if you really want to become good in your job later, if you feel that this is something you really have to do than you will start learning. This is then not just learning, where you just put stuff in your brain for an exam. You are doing this for yourself. I am right now learning for a history exam in my psychology studies. And it is interesting to me. This is not just about passing the exam, I already learned so much regarding trends and pseudosciences, something, which is more true today than at any point in history. Every moron can start a youtube channel and spill out "science". Bullshit like no fap and whatever is out there. This perspective makes it meaningful to me. Make your studies meaningful to you. Like seriously. It you can't do that, maybe it is not the right subject for you. Sure, sometimes there will be less interesting things, but that is life. 

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3 hours ago, Alexanderle said:

This perspective makes it meaningful to me. Make your studies meaningful to you. Like seriously. It you can't do that, maybe it is not the right subject for you. Sure, sometimes there will be less interesting things, but that is life. 

This is so vital. Especially when you have got a great goal in mind. I remember how you wrote to somebody on this forum “The HOW will become manageable when in your heart and mind you have the WHY”

Don’t be a low maintenance kind of guy (that’s what a gamer is/was) Most of us aren’t valuing ourselves enough. We have to put like 10 -20 -30 times more value into  ourselves. If I am a professional,

-I will be the best in my field

- I will make my way into top projects

-I will spend my spare time with max benefit. 

- When I socialize, I have high self-worth and don’t attach to other’s flimsy opinions

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5 hours ago, Alexanderle said:

What makes you believe that? In my opinion, everyone struggles with procrastination today. Say thank you to technology, which is used as a means to fill some emptiness, loneliness or unfulfilled needs.

That is esoteric bro science. Sure, there is this idea of dopamin and that we get a kick of certain things. Absolutely, but whatever: Behaviorists put rats in cages in the last century and gave them two pots of water. One with clean water, the other one with drugs. The rats were all alone and had nothing else to do. Guess what, they became addicted and died quickly. No surprise. This experiement has been replicated many decades later, with a small difference: The rats were living in paradise. They had many companions, good food, things to play with. Guess what, they ignored the drug water, because they could play, interact with mates and have sex. What is the lesson? If you have other, MEANINGFUL things to do, which are interesting to you and fun, if you have a perspective and some aims in life than this stuff is not important anymore. I make this bald prediction: If all porn addicts would have the opportunity for regular sex with a beautiful mate, there would not be a porn addiction. 

If you would have so much other things on your plate, which you like and which fulfill you completely, you what not want to spend time, mindlessly browsing on youtube. For instance, if you really want to become good in your job later, if you feel that this is something you really have to do than you will start learning. This is then not just learning, where you just put stuff in your brain for an exam. You are doing this for yourself. I am right now learning for a history exam in my psychology studies. And it is interesting to me. This is not just about passing the exam, I already learned so much regarding trends and pseudosciences, something, which is more true today than at any point in history. Every moron can start a youtube channel and spill out "science". Bullshit like no fap and whatever is out there. This perspective makes it meaningful to me. Make your studies meaningful to you. Like seriously. It you can't do that, maybe it is not the right subject for you. Sure, sometimes there will be less interesting things, but that is life. 

Yes, everyone suffers at procrastination BUT some people doesnt get negativ effects from it that fast like others. Lets say you live alone and you have a job. The only thing you have to do is to go to your job and to earn money. Rest of the day is basically free. Sure, you have other goals/hobbys. But hey? What happens if you dont go after them? Nothing. So its okay for them to waste their time on xy. An other guy may have kids or family on which he has to take care of or other things so he cant allow himself to procrastinate.

Of course you can always say ‚if this subject doesnt motivate you enough then it isnt yours!‘ that makes it pretty easy. Like you always miss something and thats why yoi get addicted to things. I really doubt that tbh. It simplicities this whole case totally. You totally miss the fact that many subjects are not nearly equal to your job later. I can hate the university but love the job later. 

Just because you hate to do sport and instead you browse in the web, you shouldnt do sport? No you have to do it although you dont like it because you like the result(eg health)

 

So I think you got it that there are some holes in your argumentation I guess. But thanks for the post It helped me to think about my hobbies again. Personally I think I really love them but for me that doesnt leads to the point that I do them frequently. I like to make music -> but the way to do good music later is tough, you will play bad first but you keep going because there will be a time in which u will be better and then you are proud of you that even in the hard time where you hated it you still did it.

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So let me tell this: It is quite a complicated thing. There are many ideas and opinions and we don't know the truth for certain. So, so aspects are my opinion. Therefore, I will not diehard defend everything I say or try to win the debate. The only thing, I care, is that you and I are successful and reach our goals. I have been in many shitty situations before. Don't want to go there again. But there are some things, I would like to ponder/share or maybe discuss. Maybe this can be also meaningful to you. Maybe I also learn something from you. And sorry that it is so much. I won't spam more after this. I promise. ^^

It all starts and end with you and who you believe, you are. What happens, when you consider to be a couch potato? You will do certain things and will also won't do other things. You will sit in front of the Tv a lot, maybe binge watch series regularly and eat chips and garbage on your couch. You won't do a lot of sports and don't go out often. This is of course just one example. Not every "couch potato" will be like that. But lets roll with that. No what is the perception of this person regarding sport? Maybe the person knows that it is good for him or her, but is not committed to do it.

Now what about a bodybuilder? He won't chill on his couch a lot, go to the gym almost daily and eat clean. Once again, an extreme example. But what is the difference between the two? It is their identity, what they think, who they are and what there perspective of life is. What is the cause of those identities? Or to rephrase: Could a couch potato become a body builder? Absolutely! Why I believe that? Because that is me. I was a diehard gamer and couch potato before. But I completely changed my identities regarding that. Good clean eating, muscles and all that stuff have become very important to me. All those years before, where I was just a couch potato desperately trying to loose weight and to look good. It is hard to have success like that. But once, I developed a new identity of a gym freak and clean eater, not eating sweets is the easiest thing for me to do. Working out is fun for me. Does that mean that I am always motivated to go out and do sport? Ofc not. But this underlying passion just keeps me going. 

Talking about your main problem: Procrastination. Right now, you are a procrastinator. This is your identity. Now you can try to force yourself to work, but you can also change your inner perspective towards work. You can become a hard worker. A non procrastinator. However you want to name it. Similarly, your goal regarding games should not be, to not play video games any longer, your goal should be to become a non-gamer. The difference is insane.

Let's take your example of a person living alone and a parent. Who says that the father will have more negative effects from procrastination than a person, who lives alone? Sure, kids and stuff. But we perfectly know that there are also parents, who don't give a damn about that. They still play computer gamers and only do the most important stuff or even neglect their kid. Ofc the question is: Should they do it? Hell no. But I do know that even if you live alone, the consequences of procrastination can be severe. At the end of the day, it is not about the circumstances or your environment, but once again your identity. If you are trying to be a good father than you will have a different perspective towards procrastination than if you don't give a damn. Or if you life alone, but consider yourself to be a workaholic. This changes your perspective, regardless of your family situation.

Last thing, I want to look at:

2 hours ago, Lobares said:

Of course you can always say ‚if this subject doesnt motivate you enough then it isnt yours!‘ that makes it pretty easy.

I never talked about motivation. I think that the idea of motivation is completely overrated. You can have motivation in the evening, but the next moring you are tired as fuck. It is not motivation that will get you out of bed, on your desk to beat procrastination or in the gym. It is your identity, what you belive, what you consider meaningful or what your goals are. And once again, if your studies are not meaningful and the idea of later being a doctor is not something fulfilling inside of your heart than you will have a tough time motivating yourself to get the job done. But once again, I never belive in motivation. I like the concept of momentum a lot more. But that is a different topic and I already was writing way to much.

Take care man and good luck on your journey. 🙂

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Thank you for tuning in here and sharing your progress. 

I like your focus, how you really try to develop the best work ethic you can. Honestly, this is a great place to start off. I am just interested in what your other goals are. Do you plan to go into fitness or music, do you want to improve you relationships? Life has an abundance of fun and purposeful activities to offer, now more than ever, and these can massively help you leave gaming behind. Again, your focus is enviable. I also encourage you to explore a little bit.

@Alexanderle: I am grateful that you keep stressing the importance of identity. It is an awesome support for me and others.

Edited by Captain_Pilz
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