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dirac

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7 hours ago, dirac said:

I think its kind of a bad habit to rate days on how productive they are because life should be about more than productivity . Its just a bit difficult sometimes when you wanted a day to go like that and then it goes completly different.

yeah I totally get it. I get like that also. I get aggravated when I don't feel as productive as I would like.
For me I think it's born out a perfectionist nature

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Yeah I guess it always feels bad to perform less than you wanted to. I think its also very dependant on how much you have on your plate. 

 

This leads my right to this day. I went to my 9 am lecture , and straight after that I worked with a friend on a lab report till 4pm then I went to the city bought some stuff, went straight home and then went for a run. Pretty good day I guess, but no I feel very unsatisfied. I wanted to do a lot of reading but after the run I was just so exhausted that I couldnt get myself to it. I almost fell asleep in my chair. Then I made dinner but that also didnt really help. So I guess I achieved like 80% of what I wanted to which is quite alright but I still didnt achieve what I wanted to.

Which reminds me that I still have to do my foam rolling routine!

But today I also learned something interesting while listening to an audiobook called atomic habits. He talked about goal setting and said that its very overrated in the way that people think goal setting is the most important thing to do because everyone who is very successful is setting goals. But they never mention that also people who are not successful are still setting goals. I mean every olympic athlete wants to win the gold medal but only one person does. The goal didnt make him better than the second or third place because they had the same goal. Its also that everyone who applies for the same job wants the job, but the goal doesnt make them get it because they all wanted it. He further says that the difference between those people who actually do it and the ones that dont is their habits and how they live everyday. I mean it makes total sense, if you have a goal but dont work effectively and efficiently towards it you will never achieve it. He also said that its especially about the tiny habits. Like if you improve by 1% everyday you will improve majorly in 1 year. And if you decrease your abilities by 1% everyday you will pretty much lose all progress in 1 year. Just think about working out, if you just do like a 15 minute workout everyday you can be super fit in a year. 

This motivated me to look more at how I actually do things and not just at the goal itself. I will try to implement some good study habits that will actually get me to where I want to be.

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8 hours ago, dirac said:

He further says that the difference between those people who actually do it and the ones that dont is their habits and how they live everyday.

Thanks for sharing this. It's very interesting. I think I've heard something like this before from other sources
I would like to build in more habits in my life.

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Im back , I was gone from friday till today! 

The book I got that from is called "Atomic Habits" by James Clear. Its one of the best books I ever read, I am going through it a second time at the moment. Its really great and not that long too, the audiobook on audible is like 5 hours. Cant recommend it enough!!

So about my weekend. 

Friday was kind of shit I got into kind of a situation on my way to uni where a guy pushed me off my bike because I kind of made a mistake. He was kind of in the right but still overreacted and this situation bothered me for the entire day because I was thinking so much about it. I had trouble listening in the lecture and I was kind of in shock for a while, I am like really bad at handling situations like that and I was already super stressed so it just made it worse.

But friday night was pretty awesome, I went to my girlfriends birthday party and it was very fun. I really managed to relax and enjoy the evening, I connected with a lot of her friends that I didnt really know before it was really great. 

And on saturday morning me and my girlfriend both woke up with a decent hangover. We then went to her parents and spent the day with her family which was also great because I get along with them very well and they are really nice people. 

On saturday night I had a little breakdown though. Because this week was just so stressful I got like 30% done of what I wanted to do. And for my job as a research assistant where I am supposed to do like 10 hours a week I didnt do anything at all. This week was extra horrible because me and my friend had to do our last lab report and it cost the whole wednesday and thursday and we are still not finished. So I lost wednesday, thursday, saturday and half the friday. But its ok its all gonna get better after this week because then all the lab work is over and I finally have time to do more for my other courses again. My girlfriend also did a good job of calming me down.

Today we had a nice breakfast with her family and then I went straight home to get some uni stuff done. On the way I continued to listen to the atomic habits audiobook and it gave me quite some ideas. 

There was a part about making good habits easy to do. Like if you want to workout make sure your gym bag is packed, you eat something that is healthy and provides energy. Or if you want to study make sure that before you want to start, that your desk is clean, you have a water and maybe a coffee and a snack. All in all it was about minimizing friction when it comes to establish your habits. I think this is a great idea and I am gonna start doing this now. Prepare as much as I can the night before and make it really easy to perform my deeds.

I also watched a motivational video from Joe Rogan which kind of got me aswel.He was basically saying that you are the hero in your own movie and right now the movie is just starting and you are being the loser. And now its about time to get your shit together and emerge as the fking hero you are! This really got me especially because it was showing scenes of the movie limitless which I always found super motivating and inspiring. Here is a link to the video if anyone cares to watch it

 

 

After my uni stuff I went to the gym, which I am very glad because since my lower back injury I hardly went to the gym at all because I cant do my favorite exercises : squats and deadlifts. But I just did some other exercises instead. 

In the shower I had another very nice moment. I realised that this wekk was really amazing and that I felt good the majority of the time. Actually till friday. Just friday was bad and also just the first half of the day and here I was crying about how shit my week was. I realised I have to be more positive in my thinking and self talk. One bad day shouldnt kill a week. Maybe I will start a gratefulness journal or something , to keep my focus on the good stuff.

Now I am gonna plan my week , because the last week I sometimes found myself being confused about what to do. And this confusion took away quite some productivity.

 

Have a great week guys!

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So today was pretty good actually. I was in uni from 10 till 17:30 and then I went to training. My body is completely destroyed but it was really great and I am glad I went!

Uni was alright, a friend and me tried to figure out a task we have to do till tuesday night but in about an hour we were not even able to understand what we are doing which was unfortunate. Tomorrow we are gonna meet again and hopefuly be able to produce something.

Training was great I had a lot of fun and I feel like I didnt lose as much as I feared over the past 3 months. Just gotta make sure to stay on track and go atleast once a week.

On my way home I thougt a bit about depression. I dont think I am depressed but right now I am not feeling my best. Uni is so stressful that I feel like I am drowning sometimes and I didnt workout that much so my self image is not very positive at the moment. So what I was thinking was basically that whenever stuff gets really tough like it is at the moment I tend to stop doing stuff because I get scared that I might get a burnout or develope a depression and then I think I should chill and slow down. In a way I have a fear of depression that often keeps me from really pushing myself. Its just I feel like we still dont really know that much about mental health and what worsens it actually. And I did have a time in my life where I had to deal with an anxiety disorder and that time was pretty much hell. Even though I would say that is completely behind me and I havent had anything related to that in years and felt pretty good for atleast the last 3 years I think it still kind of has an effect on me in the way that I am a little scared of getting a mental health problem again. Its kind of like for people who have gotten in a car accident once and even after having fully recovered they still are a bit scared while driving. For me this always happens when I dont feel my best. 

But I concluded that this is a thing that I kind of have to ignore, because in the end reaching your goals and working towards them is not always fun. Sometimes it can be draining or boring or depressing but you just have to go through with it.

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Today I dont have to say that much, nothing really special happened. It was a good day, I took  a day off from Training and tomorrow I am gonna go to the gym again. I am actually very excited about working out at the moment, I feel like my motivation is coming back! 

I also was very productive at uni today and I am still very happy that the lab course will be over this week. This should be a huge stress relief.

Tonight I watched a really cool movie with my girlfriend on amazon called Brittney runs a marathon. It was inspirational and cute and also quite funny. 

Today I had some gaming cravings, after I had a big cup of coffee I thougt about playing some real time strategy games, warcraft 3 in particular because I still havent found anything that can engage the mind as much as those do. Doing a lot of stuff in a very fast sequence and looking over several things at once I always found this very amazing. Of course I am still staying commited to the no game november but at the end of december warcraft 3 remastered is coming out and I want to develope myself like a plan on how to play it without falling into madness again. Like picking maybe a day a week where I dont have uni stuff and allow myself a certain amount of time to game. If it fails I am gonna bring my computer to my parents during the excam phase so I will not be tempted 🙂

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5 hours ago, dirac said:

I want to develope myself like a plan on how to play it without falling into madness again. Like picking maybe a day a week where I dont have uni stuff and allow myself a certain amount of time to game. If it fails I am gonna bring my computer to my parents during the excam phase so I will not be tempted 🙂

Good thinking. I hope you find a way to make games a healthy part of your life.
I still have my steam account that I don't have the heart to delete just yet. I'm hoping I can one day bring games back into my day to day but I'm hesitant.

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