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Luiz  F.

Dating life after long time being single

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So I'm 28 right now, and it's been a long time that I don't get in a relationship (5 years or so).

I thought that by moving to Canada things would change, I mean, myself basically. But I feel like it's getting worse with time, to the point that I feel lonely but I don't have the WILL to get into a relationship or to approach girls..

The last girl that I approached with the intention of getting a date? I can't remember. The last time I kissed a girl was last year was in this big festival in Brazil, 3 days of partying and free booze, with around 10k people. Everyone on that party was there to hook up, but I couldn't do shit. Luckily I hooked up with some random girl that I wasn't even attracted to - for a few seconds. 

The thing that annoyed the hell of me is, in this party, I remember that I was there with the intent of doing what everyone else wanted, but even if girls would stare at me, I couldn't do SHIT, even being a little bit drunk, I would just freeze and "enjoy the music". 

My point is.. I don't know how to date anymore, how to seduce, how to stop having this fear of rejection and just enjoy, you know?

It's been 18 days that I haven't played games, and soon I will be starting dancing classes which I think is gonna help me. And I also have been going to gym for the past 5 months. But I feel like I didn't change a bit in matter of dating life since I haven't done anything focused on this matter.

Have any of you guys gone through this? I wanna hear your stories and tips would also be appreciated 🙂

Thanks for reading all this drama

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i was watching a movie then someone said " you will never find love if you are too scared to put yourself out there ! "

i never had a girlfriend in my life neither kissed a girl while i am 20 years old now! and in a country that is a huge sepration betwin girls and boys and most of them have bad attitude to eachother but recently i started asking girls to go out but eveytime they reject me! i think 3 or 4 girls . i spoke to them in wrong way i dreesed bad and so on. just don't be scared if you are not going to ask them out then how do you want to find a girl friend? btw , about not playing games for 18 days that's very good brother !when you want to make progress in your life you do it step by step . don't need to take 5 step 5 step . just get better than yourself in yesterday

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exactly what @reza Mrb said.

In addition, be yourselve. Don't try to immitate someone if you talk to girls.

Being social needs to be learned, like playing an instrument for example. For normal you do learn to socialize if your young, but gamers miss that part for normal.
So start to take the only education class where it's ok to make mistakes your the teacher and student at the same time, and noone can teach you anything.

On 8/16/2019 at 4:58 AM, Luiz F. said:

The thing that annoyed the hell of me is, in this party, I remember that I was there with the intent of doing what everyone else wanted, but even if girls would stare at me, I couldn't do SHIT, even being a little bit drunk, I would just freeze and "enjoy the music". 

What helped me alot is, stand infront a mirror and laugh. Meditation, cleaning up and getting a new dress. In short, do everything to build up your own style. In the end it's a market, and dont get that in a sad way.

On 8/16/2019 at 4:58 AM, Luiz F. said:

My point is.. I don't know how to date anymore, how to seduce, how to stop having this fear of rejection and just enjoy, you know?

Thats propably your problem. There is no "world formula" in meeting girls or dating.

On 8/16/2019 at 4:58 AM, Luiz F. said:

It's been 18 days that I haven't played games, and soon I will be starting dancing classes which I think is gonna help me. And I also have been going to gym for the past 5 months. But I feel like I didn't change a bit in matter of dating life since I haven't done anything focused on this matter.

5 Months is a really short period of time. You can not expect to find a girl right away. Just don't loose the friendly part you have.

On 8/16/2019 at 4:58 AM, Luiz F. said:

Have any of you guys gone through this? I wanna hear your stories and tips would also be appreciated 🙂

More man gone throught this, that you can think off.

Good Luck.

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On 8/20/2019 at 4:50 AM, reza Mrb said:

" you will never find love if you are too scared to put yourself out there ! "

Yeah that's a really good quote Reza, it gets me every time since putting yourself out there sometimes is very difficult, but most of the times is just because you're not used to it (speaking of myself lol). 

 

 

58 minutes ago, creationlist said:

In the end it's a market

I agree. And I don't take it in the bad way, after all when we are trying to find a partner we are just putting ourselves on the market, and the best "product" will have more success.

 

Thanks for the replies guys, I will get a lot better, just the beginning is hard!

 

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Hey man. 

I feel you. I've also been struggling with finding a new gf after moving to a new country. 

It's a very big journey that you've set yourself on and I think there's plenty of personal development involved with attracting the right partner. 

I suggest you read books related to being a "Pick up artist" (PUA) and start applying step by step as they suggest. DON'T SKIP STEPS. Apply the knowledge. Otherwise you'll just be a walking library. 

That being said... The knowledge from. PUA is just meant to increase your confidence and thicken your skin to rejection (which you should consider sooo normal). But don't use this info to turn yourself into a "player" or become a jerk. Just to better yourself. 

 

Then once you do this you will eventually meet someone in your social settings. At the gym, at the dance classes... Wherever you go out and hang.

I met my current girlfriend using this strategy (at the gym where we train). 

Above all, don't despair and don't lose hope. It's ok to experience loneliness and pain. Look you wouldn't be here asking how to improve otherwise. 

I know, because I do it way less now. So just use that energy and drive to BECOME a better version of yourself. Then girls will want to hang out with you and be your partners in life. 

 

Best of luck! 

Leo B

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Check out https://www.girlschase.com/

There are many great articles on there backed up by science. If you want the streamlined version of all the information there is a OneDate course that takes you step by step on how to get better with girls. I bought the OneDate course myself and found a lot of useful information.

On 8/29/2019 at 4:13 AM, Leo B said:

Hey man. 

I feel you. I've also been struggling with finding a new gf after moving to a new country. 

It's a very big journey that you've set yourself on and I think there's plenty of personal development involved with attracting the right partner. 

I suggest you read books related to being a "Pick up artist" (PUA) and start applying step by step as they suggest. DON'T SKIP STEPS. Apply the knowledge. Otherwise you'll just be a walking library. 

That being said... The knowledge from. PUA is just meant to increase your confidence and thicken your skin to rejection (which you should consider sooo normal). But don't use this info to turn yourself into a "player" or become a jerk. Just to better yourself. 

 

Then once you do this you will eventually meet someone in your social settings. At the gym, at the dance classes... Wherever you go out and hang.

I met my current girlfriend using this strategy (at the gym where we train). 

Above all, don't despair and don't lose hope. It's ok to experience loneliness and pain. Look you wouldn't be here asking how to improve otherwise. 

I know, because I do it way less now. So just use that energy and drive to BECOME a better version of yourself. Then girls will want to hang out with you and be your partners in life. 

 

Best of luck! 

Leo B

Hey how did you approach your girl at the gym? I've been thinking about this myself but literally everyone except me is listening to their music and focusing on their workout. I feel like if I interrupt someone to talk to them it'll be annoying and I won't necessarily get a warm reception.

Edited by seriousjay

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22 hours ago, seriousjay said:

I never needed any of this pickup stuff to meet girls. I even did not need it to meet my ex girlfriend.

I think all of that pickup stuff is just money making.

Maybe it helps people, but honestly I think I am to stupid to understand all of it.

So I am/was better off just being myselfe 🙂

No offense, but every dollar not spent directly on a girl is wasted money in my eyes. I think you have better success investing the money in flowers and present them to random girls or a drink for cool people who you met somewhere than spending it on such a course.

Only real indirect advantages with money is going to the gym if your a man. I think we have the same thoughts over this.

22 hours ago, seriousjay said:

There are many great articles on there backed up by science.

I flew over the first five articles, where is since involved? Maybe I just missed it becouse I just get so tired reading this stuff 🙂

In what way did this pickup stuff help you? Approaching girls? Getting girls into bed? Do you have a family now? Do you earn more money at work with this courses now? Just asking, becouse I never met someone in my life, who had some advantages with that pickup stuff.

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13 hours ago, creationlist said:

I never needed any of this pickup stuff to meet girls. I even did not need it to meet my ex girlfriend.

I think all of that pickup stuff is just money making.

Maybe it helps people, but honestly I think I am to stupid to understand all of it.

So I am/was better off just being myselfe 🙂

No offense, but every dollar not spent directly on a girl is wasted money in my eyes. I think you have better success investing the money in flowers and present them to random girls or a drink for cool people who you met somewhere than spending it on such a course.

Only real indirect advantages with money is going to the gym if your a man. I think we have the same thoughts over this.

I flew over the first five articles, where is since involved? Maybe I just missed it becouse I just get so tired reading this stuff 🙂

In what way did this pickup stuff help you? Approaching girls? Getting girls into bed? Do you have a family now? Do you earn more money at work with this courses now? Just asking, becouse I never met someone in my life, who had some advantages with that pickup stuff.

GirlsChase is not really PUA material. In fact, and I may be wrong, but Chase (the site's creator) actually discourages traditional PUA techniques.

The science behind his ideas is actually presented in the OneDate course, which again is not a PUA course. It's a structured approach that helps you go from nothing to getting a date to taking a girl to bed to retaining her after sex. Essentially he pored over years of research conducted by people (everything is cited in the course, FYI) to inform his advice. He goes over things like how to approach a woman, which types of approaches work and which don't, how to keep your conversation from hitting a dead end, what to do when certain things happen, etc.

To be completely clear, literally everything he talks about can be and eventually is learned from simply going out and meeting women. You pick up what works and what doesn't through experience, and much of what he teaches eventually does become second nature. It's just that many men don't necessarily realize why what they do isn't working and it may take them years to figure it out. The course simply takes all the mystery and guesswork out of it.

It's entirely possible that you already know everything he has to say, and that's great for you if that's the case. 🙂 Many men out there aren't so lucky, including myself. What I've gotten out of it so far is more confidence that I can successfully steer a date in the right direction and that I can more quickly identify what I'm doing wrong and how to fix it. My dating game has gotten better very fast just from arming myself with the knowledge he provides.

To be completely clear though, his material is largely geared towards getting girls into bed as soon as possible, which he claims is the key to keeping her around as a girlfriend, or as a friend with benefits or whatever else you might want. It uses a scientific approach to create attraction between yourself and a girl and while she may feel attraction for you, it's entirely possible that you don't feel much for her. I would even argue that it borders on psychological exploitation personally since it tasks men with taking advantage of the things most women crave to see from men.

It's all still just a different kind of dating advice and like with all advice, your mileage may vary and it's up to the individual to decide what's useful and what isn't. I am personally a virgin and have never really had what I'd describe as a real romantic relationship in my life and if the next girl I do have a relationship with is the only one, I would be quite satisfied with that. So in that sense, techniques to get as many women into bed as possible aren't that useful to me. Identifying the traits that women look for in a man and that are seen as attractive and how to improve them (stuff he goes over) are very useful to me and where I've found the most value in the course. Additionally, I really don't care much for the mystery aspect and figuring it out for myself because I just don't have time for that.

Sorry for the long winded response but I do hope it helped to clarify some things!

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